[Sad][Grimdark] All hail our beloved leader! Please don't send me to the moon.
Author: MaskOfData
Description: Celestia is universally feared, a Tyrant in the truest sense. But she never tried to be, and it's the last thing so wants. And it's tearing her apart.The Sun Is Tired Part 1
The Sun Is Tired Part 2
The Sun Is Tired Part 3
The Sun is Tired Part 4
The Sun is Tired Part 5
The Sun is Tired Part 6
The Sun is Tired Part 7
The Sun is Tired Part 8
The Sun is Tired Part 8.5
The Sun is Tired Part 9 (New!)
Additional Tags: Tyrant, Rage, Anger, Despair, hopeless
510 comments:
@MaskOfData
ReplyDeleteWhat the hell ?!
Did you really added a sacrifice of DINKY !!? in this story ?!
The heck is wrong ?
I dropped this fic a long while back and I've just recently picked it back up. A decent fic worth reading although I did wish some parts were better written. Despite the OOC-ness, the fic is okay. For people complaining incessantly about how OOC everypony is, I just want to remind everyone of one important literary device/convention/formula which people easily overlook.
ReplyDeleteSuspension of disbelief.Suspension of disbelief.
Suspension of disbelief.
Suspension of disbelief.
Suspension of disbelief.
Suspension of disbelief.
Henry's Hay = Equestrian Ramen Noodles?
ReplyDeleteand it intimidates Celestia's culinary skills...
The end of chapter ten made me smile though. It was kinda sweet imagining Celestia like that, making an effort to sorta, restart herself with something so basic.
I wanna see some rebuilding, and some connecting of the dots... I want her to realize there are crazy ponies out there that are making her life worse, and I want to see how her, Luna, the Elements of harmony, the guards, and the masses come to terms with the existence of such a devilish organization, and how they deal with such ponies...
God, the wait between chapters does hurt.
good job mask, i liked it, sucks im banned from chat lul, anyways keep it up
ReplyDelete♥+1 Celestia Approves
Hmmm, unsure of that Grimdark tag, and from the comments i dont want to see FS and RD die ='[ i'll wait until its finished and then see if i want to read it.
ReplyDelete^^ Because finding out if FS or RD dies wouldn't be a massive spoiler now would it?
ReplyDeleteDid I miss something? Did google docs derp again or was the chapter really that short?
ReplyDeleteSo yeah, Celestia screws up cereal. This I can imagine. Always having her food prepared for her would leave her culinary skills a little... underdeveloped, shall we say. I was half expecting the bowl to burst into flames.
On to the cult. A magnifying glass? Seems a bit... amateurish, doesn't it? If this dawn sacrifice was a regular thing, I would have expected wouldn't they'd have set up a semi-permanent solar collector like a parabolic mirror. Aside from being more efficient, it's a damn sight more impressive.
A frighteningly well thought out treatise on an equally frighteningly plausible scenario. Assuming Celestia's psyche is no more well equipped to handle godhood than the average pony (or even assuming it's considerably better but not infallible) it's easy to see this sort of scenario playing out, and you portray the feeling of inevitability and hopelessness around the events well.
ReplyDeleteIncredibly dark for a fanfic about ponies, but well worth the read.
I haz a sad. I just want to take this Celestia and hug her until she feels all better.
ReplyDeleteThis fic has practically turned into a trollfic. It's just that dumb.
ReplyDeleteThis is getter dumber by the chapter, not as dumb as ch 9 but close. The Cult seems to have nothing better to do than be crazy and evil. The world and characters are almost In Name Only versons of themselves, and I don't know about you but I don't read fanfics to see In Name only shit unless its So Bad It's Good, which this is not
ReplyDeleteReally you should just remove the cult out, they're not intersting at all, they're just cliche and neadless GrimDarkness and it takes away form the real focus of the story Celestia
@Melodia
ReplyDeleteI have yet to read Ch.10... but considering SEVERAL of the other chapters... I would tend to agree on that statement.
Part 10 :
ReplyDelete>“Praise to Celestia!” the crowd behind him chorused.
>“Today is a glorious day indeed, my fellows,”
>“Yes, my brothers and sisters, yes.
-Next thing we know, he's gonna dance and start signing some religious cantics or something ?
This ''cult'' is rather laughable (not in a good way), really...
>A gray pony behind him
-...a gray pony... ?
>He laid the owl down
-...an owl ? ...mmh, must have been changed... Owl, bird of the night, mmh, makes a LOT more sense (especially considering it's monthly)... and WAY less story-harakiri than the previous, -extremely- ''dubious'', choice, let's just say...
... Short (might be trying to see what is 'still' salvageable ?), not as 'unpleasant' as some of the previous parts (namely 9, an a few others), I agree with others saying that the ''cult'' is quite 'optionnal' (+low interest) ...
Oh Celestia, we all know you have a closet attraction to Twilight. You just keep thinkin' that you're rambling, but I'm certainly not fooled!
ReplyDeleteAnd I won't be surprised when you start gettin' hot and heavy.
Not much really happened in this chapter. I just wish Celestia stopped obsessing over everyone in Canterlot thinking her relationship with Twilight is-. She still has killed somepony and is the indirect reason for two of Twilight's friends being brutally assaulted. Get your priorities straight (pun unintended), goddess.
ReplyDeleteIt's not like anyone is going to gossip about that. They'd be sent to the Moon.
The Cult is cliched but not really too bad (remember, everyone in this story is mad!). I find their hijinks quite amusing. So long as they won't mutate into Cupcakes.
But a sacrifice every month? I'm not sure. Months are measured by lunar phases, so isn't it blasphemous for the cultists to use them?
For the record, what was the sacrificed creature in the first revision?
Also, a gray pony? Again? Stop putting random gray ponies in, they just raise too many questions ;).
Oh, Twilight and Celestia were getting closer but i've got the expression from chapter 10 that there is now a lot of awkwardness between them. hope they will overcome it.
ReplyDeleteout of character
ReplyDeleteridiculously out of character; except for the part with the solar beams. I am disappoint.
ReplyDelete@StyxD
ReplyDeleteCheck this : @MaskOfData
All points that, in ''first version'', the author had Derpy/Ditzy sacrifices Dinky...
...yes... just writting this is giving me an aftertaste of bile...
But then, ''he'' removed the name of Derpy/Ditzy, and put an owl at the place of Dinky... a smart move...
And sacrificing an owl, a bird of the night, makes WAY more sense... and (to answer someone else) I guess doing it 'monthly' is to work against the moon or something ?
But even then, the ''cult'' itself and their actions don't make much sense... Celestia loves Luna, they must know that, so this makes the sacrifices useless (and against Celestia's will, by their twisted logic).
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteBut wait, the author was talking about the dream Celestia had in 8.5 there. It had nothing to do with the cult and their sacrifice.
As for whether they know that Celestia loves Luna or acknowledge that is debatable. Besides, they most likely don't pay any attention to what Celestia actually does anyway.
More gruesome and much more emotional than Cupcakes.
ReplyDeleteMasterpiece.
@Bronode
ReplyDeleteHoly shit, that would've definitely been something...
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteNO NO NO NO NO NO NO
NO!
In the first version of the NIGHTMARE IN 8.5 it was Derpy killing Dinky. The cult scene was originally a bat, until a proofreader pointed out an owl might have more effect, since they are generally seen as "Wise."
I'm sorry to say this, but after reading Chapter 10, I think the cult is becoming a distraction and it's seeming less and less likely that they'll be salvageable as an element of the story.
ReplyDeleteThey might, however, work as the basis of a completely separate story.
Y'know, despite the violence and drama going from "meh" to "wtf?" rather quickly for my tastes, I'm looking forward to see what becomes of Fluttershy the most.
ReplyDeleteWhy? Out of the Mane 6, Fluttershy seemed to be the closest to Celestia (barring Twilight, obviously), and it'd be interesting to see how she processes her "punishment" for saying what she thought was true about her, as well as the future plot points being set up.
I normally don't leave comments, but when I do, I prise the author.
ReplyDeleteSeriously tho; first story labeled Grimdark I've read, and it's actually great! I was afraid it would suck, but nope, it's awesome. Keep up the great work!
Oh, and btw; anyone hurting Fluttershy deserves to die a terrible death, I'm just saying.
Celestia in denial about her twilightsexuality
ReplyDeleteI think this story really needs a bit more polish and tidying up. Some stuff I cringe at, others don't make logical sense (eg, Celestia's speech, why is it she doesn't know how to speak in public after 1000 years?) and you build story elements up only to suddenly derail them, never letting them grow to fruition even in the background (Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash's assault shattered all the set up previous chapters established).
ReplyDeleteBut at the same time I'm really, really interested in what's going to happen. Everytime there's an update I dive right in, eager to see how Celestia fares, worried for her that the situation might worsen. Even though everybody outside Celestia, Luna and the Mane 6 are crazy, it's still one of the more entertaining fics I've read.
My advice is, within the next few chapters it would be wise if you had Celestia, and probably Twilight and/or Luna, take stock of what has happened and plan for what should occur next. Celestia has already started to pick up the pieces, her making breakfast for herself is a sign of her trying to take back control of her life (and a very sweet scene at that). Is she still planning to strip her powers with the Elements? If not, what is there to stand in her way?
At the same time, introduce the cult's agenda - are they going to try to do away with Luna? Do they want the elements? For Celestia to become like Luna did, a new Nightmare to rule eternal day?
How will they, directly or not, interfere with Celestia's life on a greater level than the subliminal one they currently work on? The leader, what does he plan to do? For them to work as part of the story, you need to give us readers some idea on the direction you're taking them (even if it's a bluff and you're planning a plot twist). They desperately need relevance, considering they feel like late additions to the party.
Looking forward to the next!
Really enjoying the story so far, almost teared up when I heard both of my favorite ponies were beat up D:
ReplyDeleteAnyways, the only thing I really dislike about this story is the little cult that was just introduced. Seems really random and out of place.
Anyways, looking forward to the rest of this story!
I was starting to like this one, I normally am not into fanfic but with the addition of some random cult, I have to agree with everypony here that its getting ridiculous. Best way to finish it? Bel Air!
ReplyDeleteThis story reminds me of a Will Smith movie. It's pretty interesting in the beginning, but then does some crazy shit to totally make me lose interest halfway in.
ReplyDeleteWow, that was really dark. I haven't read fanfiction in years, but that wasn't too bad.
ReplyDeleteThis story is emotionally all over the place... and for some reason I can't entirely understand, that works. Keep it up, please.
ReplyDeleteI don't seem to be able to open them.
ReplyDeleteIs it just me? I really want to smack all of the ponies in this fic HARD.
ReplyDeleteGreat fanfic, look forward to more.
Did this story just fall of the face of the Earth? Shame. I was really enjoying it. I hope nothing happened to the author.
ReplyDeleteI am praying for an update to this soon.
ReplyDeleteSummer is totally over!
We NEED you MaskOfData!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAnother update, please?
ReplyDeleteDang, another good story at risk of being dropped into fic purgatory
ReplyDeleteSo... I am still working on this... But I'm re-writing chapters 8-10, since everypony hated those all so much, and that's going to take a while...
ReplyDeleteGive me a month, tops.
(The site ate my other comment, so hopefully this works...)
Dang it!
ReplyDeleteI just want to see an update soon, instead of all this worry about going back and changing something 90% of the readers probably won't go back and re-read anyway. I'm loving the story, and I'm happy with it so far, but I want to see chapters and progression, not intermissions or musigs over what might have been wrong about the old chapters.
My philosophy, take the criticisms and points of view as you go, use them to grow in your new writing, but keep progressing forward. Right now it looks like the creative wheels are spinning without moving forward. Don't dig a rut you can't get out of!
If you want to fix the story, that's fine, but do the rewrite once it's complete. If you stop to fix every mistake or fix every weak point in the already released chapters now, you'll never be able to move forward with the new chapters! It's already a harsh enough stutter to read chapters with such gaps between, if the gaps grow due to rewrites, it'll be more excruciating. If you save a rewrite for the end, when it's all complete, you reward new and old viewers with a chance to see the refined work as a single read session.
I see this far too often. Move forward... don't dwell in what's already done. Let the comments and criticisms build up your future chapters. If people are disillusioned with old chapters, make sure the new ones keep them interested. If they want those changes THAT badly, they will re-read your fic if you revise it after it's complete, and you won't stutter the progress of current readers to badly.
That's my two bits anyway.
A rewrite, eh? That's an ambitious task to undertake. We have seen that it can work when the authors of Past Sins did it. If you think you're up for it, go for it.
ReplyDeleteOne little suggestion, if you're going through with the rewrite: follow the example set with Past Sins of posting a new chapter along with the rewritten ones. It'll help keep the audience happy.
Is there going to be any more of this?
ReplyDeleteIts been a month and a day more updates now! Please?
ReplyDeleteHere I go:I. DON'T. FIND. YOUR. IDEA. INTERESTING! I'm sorry, I just don't. Put i'll have no choice but to bring in the competition!
ReplyDeletePS: I'm sorry for not reading your story, is just that, I can tell that your character (Nyx) is an amazing character (and super cute) but I just can'y seem to get around this story. I'm really sorry for this, but there's many other fanfics that I just don't find interesting! Like Fallout: Equestria, and many more. Overall, i'm so sorry for not finding this idea in my kind of taste.
A GRAPE I THOUGH I WAS IN THE "PAST SINS" POST! SHIT!! Now I feel like a noob!
ReplyDeleteI actually find the part where the main six are having to deal with what it's like being treated like Celestia a rather amusing point. Their introduction to the treatment is in fact a rather enjoyable part. Plus, part with Equestria thinking Twilight and Celestia are in a relationship even though they are not had me rolling.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I can tell you is, what a button pushing piece. People are either going to love this one or outright hate it. Now, I'm a creature of variety, I read sap happy, comedy, romance, and the utter dreary. Everything has its place and I think your story fills something. I enjoyed reading it.
Who do I have to BEG to get this story updated? D:
ReplyDeleteThe author I'm assuming..........
PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASSSEE??? XD
This was one of my favs and it makes me a sad brony to see it go neglected so long. :'(
So, I was rewatching Luna Eclipsed today and Cutie Pox before that and I kept laughing about the ponies over reactions of course. Then I got this nagging feeling I'd read a fan fict that did something similar. Then it hit me, sure they're not violent reactions, but they are all the same over the top fearful reactions. Everyone there 'fears' luna with a few exceptions. Primarily the main six who in this story don't show that much fear either. Still, the average pony freaks out at the slightest hint of something, anything with Celestia or Luna. They react in general. It's a fun loving society, but oh a fearful one anyways!
ReplyDeleteIt occurs to me that I may not be entirely sad that this fic seems to have fallen by the wayside. I'm not so sure I like the cult. When it was just all the ponies individually acting out of fear of Celestia, it gave it a sort of circular villiany relationship, where Celestia was both a victim and the Big Bad in a way. I liked that.
ReplyDeleteHey, everyone...
ReplyDelete<.<
>.>
Expect an update sometime this week.
Sun Ray:
ReplyDeleteYes. Yes I did.
Can't wait to see the rewritten chapters.
ReplyDelete@BRONY4Life
ReplyDeleteWow... I know this comment is ancient, but.. Yeah BRONY4Life, U R total noob and parasprite.
Seriously though, Spending time in a fics comments section for the sole purpose of trolling it over the fact that you do not want to read it and don't like it... and then posting it to the WRONG comments thread... One that already has enough parasprites of it's own as it is...
Wow...
Just... wow... Why to the parasprites have so much bucking free time and retarded dedication!? I'd LOL at the absurdity of it, if it weren't for the fact that this behavior sickens me to the point of wanting to vomit.
I'm sick of parasprites taking their precious time to follow stories they don't want to read, just to tear them down. Some people just want to see the world burn.
I, on the other hoof, want to praise the hard work of authors willing to dedicate the time to create these fics!
Thank you
Whatever... To the moon with all parasprites. Parasprites make me wish there was an ignore button on these comments threads.
I for one LOVED Past Sins (which you were mistakenly ripping on here, in the wrong comments thread, like a NOOB), and I TRULY MISS this story. It has not seen a real update since the end of summer.
I am hopeful that MaskOfData will continue working on this intrigue fic, and I can't wait for the next update.
P.S. Does anyone else feel like they are reading a Kanye West quote when reeding this self proclaimed noob's original comment! That I can LOL @
Mask Of Data... Keep up the good work, and know you have REAL fans who are anxiously awaiting new chapters, and who don't care if here is a missing comma or a weird derp in your writing. I just want to see a cool story continue!
Thank you!
Still haven't forgotten about this story
ReplyDeleteDear God...
ReplyDeleteIs MaskOfData alive?
Please update! I said it before, Don't spin your wheels trying to make parasprites happy. If you want to revise and edit.. do it when you finish, so you have the collected accumulation of writing skills from the entire story, combined with a full sense of the story line in mind when you make those revisions.
For the time being... Move forward.
Like I said once... Most people have too much on their plate to re-read something they already read. I am waiting for new chapters... Not gussied up versions of old ones.
I don't want to see this story dropped, but the half year without new chapters tells me... it probably won't see completion.
But I will keep checking.
@richfiles
ReplyDeleteI'm going to be honest.
I really have lost my interest in writing this story. It got a bit out of my hands, and I just feel like it's terrible now.
However.
I know that people want to see this thing finished. And I think I have an ending, which I am writing now.
I hope people are satisfied with it. It's going to be semi-short, and it will take place after chapter 8. It's going to be finished, and soon.
Hopefully I don't get too much hate for it.
Wow, an update to this. I actually was wondering about it. Not that I particularly care any more...
ReplyDelete@richfiles
....which according to you probably makes me a troll. But of course, I said before, it was as, as a previous anon said, "a charming deconstruction of tyrant Celestia" which turned into an overwrought cliched mess.
You can criticize something, even really negatively, but it does not mean trolling or flaming. This fic just seemed to fall apart piece by piece, and many of us liked it at first. It's natural to feel almost betrayed by expectation going in such a totally different direction.
Well then. And that's a wrap.
ReplyDeletePersonally, the story's ending seemed a bit... abrupt. But considering your feelings on the story itself, I can't say I blame you. It was an alright read though.
Don't mark this as complete, because I don't consider that anything like a proper ending for this story.
ReplyDeleteThat made me very sad. This story was a wonderful idea, and I truly wish it could have been fleshed out into more than an assisted suicide fic. Oh well... I suppose with such a short ending, for the sakes of an ending, it still probably leaves those who did enjoy the story the option of alt ending head fanon. I'm still glad you put any effort into it, and I am still so sad to see that you got burned out on it. Good luck with whatever you do next in life.
ReplyDelete@MaskOfData
ReplyDeleteHey.
Thanks for putting a capper on this. In spite of the flaws of the later chapters, it really deserves it.
Y'know? I really really really like the interpretation of Celestia that you've done. This story accomplishes something that many stories strive for.
ReplyDeleteA fresh take on a well known character. (Keep in mind this is my personal opinion, I bet theres other fics in the fandom that address this very same issue. the issue of how can an all powerful goddesses like entity just connect with the regular pony and actually make friends?)
but man I really liked that interpretation because It had such a great potential for conflict and would make for an awesome resolutions (like "Eternal" level kind of resolution)
I don't want to see this interpretation go away. I want to see another story that seriously nails this down. (you've given us a good glimpse at it. Now I want to see another fic pick up this concept and run with it.)
I think this was the the first fanfic I ever read. I didn't know what tags like shipping or grimdark meant at the time, if I had I probably would have skipped this one. Still it's nice to see it finally get finished since I hate loose ends.
ReplyDeleteWhat a total cop out. This isn't an ending. Or at least, one with any effort put into it. I'm sorry to say that while I very much enjoyed everything up to now, and was excited for more, this is seriously disappointing. It would have been better to have left it on hiatus than to put this up, or just hand the idea over to someone who actually cared about continuing.
ReplyDelete@Melodia
ReplyDeleteI agree entirely. I went back, and I really got out of hand.
It was sorta like George Lucas in the prequels, really. I just completely destroyed a good concept.
My main problem was also similar to his: Nobody told me how stupid my ideas were. I have a lot of good ideas, sure, but the stupid is thrown in there heavily with the non-stupid.
So I cut out the last chapters and just killed the damn thing. I'm honestly ashamed of what I wrote (in the later chapters,) it was that bad.
@CommandoDude
ReplyDeleteIf anybody wants to continue it unofficially, they are completely welcome too.
And you're right. I wrote this very quickly, just so I could end it. I thought I at least owed people that.
@Marrock
ReplyDeleteIf you dislike it, you are more then welcome to write your own.
WTF WHY DID YOU REWRITE IT
ReplyDelete@Hanzo of the Salamander
ReplyDeleteI didn't re-write it, I simply removed the chapters that everybody hated and wrote an ending.
A snuff fic. You turned it into a bucking snuff fic. *Face Talon* Would someone PLEASE take the author up on his offer and rewrite this concept with something OTHER than a suiside ending?
ReplyDelete...also, did anyone else mentally add an epilog with the mane six, horns and wings on everypony, wondering aloud "Oh great, NOW what do we do?"?
@MaskOfData
ReplyDeleteWhat is supposed to have been changed exactly ? ...my memory of that story isn't very 'fresh', let's just say (even thought I re-read half the comments).
...wait ? hmm... were the last chapters condensed ? Because, there seems to be less parts, than what I recall.
Thank you for finishing it. Hopefully you could find someone to make a sequel. (The ending did hint at it).
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAW DARN
ReplyDeleteI was wondering when you'd finally return! good thing I'm used to semi-yearly updaters like GRAVE hehe
ReplyDeleteNow to finally see how this tragedy unfurls from that last cliffhanger!
Started out good. Got progressively worse. Ended terribly.
ReplyDeleteStory has a great conceit, and is fairly believable right up until when Twilight goes to get Applejack.
Besides that, I don't think the idea that removing Celestia would put the solar cycle on autopilot makes sense within the MLP universe. In Hearth's Warming Eve (which I didn't like much, but whatever) apparently unicorns as a whole had the duty of moving the celestnial objects before the sisters took over. The sun is clearly not a giant sphere of hydrogen and helium undergoing self-sustaining nuclear fusion in the ponyverse.
hmm... a lot really must of gotten trimmed out... no Celestia cult to deal with it seems? Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash healed nicely I guess?
ReplyDeleteWell, I was expecting a clever way to some how you'd dig out of that mess, though with things going from bad to worst to even "dear Celeslia how did this even lead to THIS?!" I am disappointed yeah but hey this was a nice redemption closing. The Foo Fighters song at the start went well with her leading up to the balcony to give her redone confession :P
All in all you can see this as her setting off to being reborn again, maybe even explains how she can sort of see bits of the future and plan things out more carefully this time around. Sure some events in time might be fixed but she can still rewrite how it all turns out =3
LONG lazy rant short I'm glad I don't have to read anymore Flutter/Dash tragedy scenes at least! good closing and I for one don't blame you for feeling the way you did! in my eyes the story just got harder to write for since it just dug itself deeper into the GRIMDARKNESS then feeling SAD for anypony after all the stuff that happened.
So yeah this seems a nice way to end it! least now I can finally check this off my list.
Hope to see you write something with a bit smoother, slower pacing next time so we don't write ourselves into a pit :P *hugs*
Oh fuck, that ending
ReplyDeleteI despair for the end of such a brilliant fic.
Bah, lousy ending.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the other posters who enjoyed this fic up to this point. I found nothing wrong with the cut chapters and I would rather have seen how Celestia dug herself out of the hole she was in.
ReplyDeleteI remain convinced that suicide is cowardly or petulant and is often used as a way to punish those left behind. Celestia was out of character in her lack of will and wisdom to see things fixed. She could have at least turned Equestria into a constitutional monarchy and stayed on as a figurehead, or gone into complete seclusion.
All in all, I found this ending weak.
@GBscientist
ReplyDeleteI actually completely agree with you on the suicide front. I absolutely hate even the idea of suicide.
But I needed a way to end it, once and for all. And that was the simplest way.
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteEverything after chapter 8 was deleted completely.
Besides that, the story remains unchanged.
@Cátsy
ReplyDeleteFluttershy and Rainbow Dash were not healed. Everything in chapters 1-8 was completely unchanged.
Meanwhile, the old versions of chapters 9-10 were cut entirely.
Dash and Fluttershy were still injured, which is why they had to wait a few weeks before trying out the spell at the end.
I'm a little sad right now. The story itself doesn't feel complete at all. The first some chapters were so good and you gave yourself such a nice premise to work with. Celestia being treated as a tyrant is a great concept and the first few chapters were incredible. I felt so immersed in the story when Celestia made her first act of rage against the ponies who attacked Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. That scene alone changed my perception of Celestia as somepony who could be incredibly powerful when she needs to be, and if I ever need Celestia to snap, I'm going to use that scene for guidance.
ReplyDeleteBasically, though, its sad because you lost focus, introduced elements that you didn't really know what to do with, and then made everything crazier than you could handle, apparently. My vote just decreased from 5 stars to 3 stars because this is half a fanfic, and its completely unsatisfying by the end. May I ask what your original plan was when you started this fic?
@MaskOfData
ReplyDelete"Ponies were placing literary censorship on themselves."
Where have I seen this before? Just because a few people said they didn't like 2 chapters... suddenly, they don't deserve to exist? You censored yourself for fear of offending some crowd of people who you don't even know personally.
I can get that you lost interest, lost focus, but that was just self depreciating.
I think what I would love to see, is the general outline of your concepts... what you planned to do with the story overall. It can't be spoilers if the chapters are never written by you, right?
I will admit, as one of my first fanfics ever read, it does sadden me to see it take this fate. Again, I wish you luck with whatever you choose to do next...
But the death of this story still saddens me.
I will also say that I much prefer the idea that the sun and moon prevent Celestia and Luna FROM aging, by holding their physical forms bound in a state of permanence. I prefer to subscribe tot eh idea that they would BEGIN aging if that power bond were severed. At least, that's how I tend to look at it...
I'd have much preferred she get a chance to live the life of a normal pony, spending time with her few friends, and slowly aging. Only with that connection to mortality, would ponies be able to see for the first time, that she really was just another pony after all.
Whether she dies and is honored, whether she retakes her crown and is restored, to a new age, where ponies "get" her, and she interacts on a closer level, to maintain not just political relationships, but true friendships... That's all up in the air. I just so very much hate to see Celestia hurt.
I to hate the "suicide cop out". It truly does place the burden upon one's loved ones. I've seen too much of it already in the lives around me, and I hate it.
I guess, since the end was a basic rush to close type end, I'll just keep my own head fanon for this story, so i can be satisfied. I'm still sad to see it end this way.
Oh well... I do appreciate the offer to allow others to pick up the mantle. I guess for me, that justifies my head fanon and alt endings as potential possibilites.
Hi MaskOfData,
ReplyDeleteI just read the story a few days before chpt 9 came out, so this final update was uncannily timed. Anyway, from all the stories I've read, this one seems to be the hardest for an author to write. It's a great premise, I love it, but it's a shame that it just didn't pan out. I understand the ending, it had to be done. You're done with it. Rushing it sucks, but you're done with it. It's a terrible thing when an artist is not satisfied with their work, but you're cutting your losses and moving on. I didn't read the scrapped chpt 9 and 10, so I'm not sure what your original direction was. I would love to hear what kind of ideas you had, what endings where possible. Maybe even post up the lost 2 chapters?
I just want to say that I enjoyed your story and thank you for trying to tackle such a difficult story. You may not be proud of it, but from the amount of comments it received, a lot of people cared about it.
(sigh) Like finally removing an old bandaid, let’s read this quickly, I suppose...
ReplyDelete-----
CH.9 v2 :
>It was an opportunity to fix everything, free herself and her citizens from her tyranny.
-Erroneous interpretation of the true sense of the situation by her, and wrong decision because of some sort of depressed state based on a mere few psychopathic ponies’ actions/words...
Or, in a few less word : Her brain and normal emotional processing ability ‘’apparently’’ went down the toilet...
>“I’ve put you through hell.
-Nooooo, *SHE* didn’t intentionally do anything...
>Ponies have done horrible things in my name
-Yeeesss, *THEY* did crazy/dumb stuff... not her. She didn’t really ask them to act like zealous morons...
We have those fascinating, and usually rather useful things called ‘’Justice system’’ and ‘’Prisons’’ (and ‘’Mental Institutions’’), to help deal with that kind of people/ponies... and guards... and armies... and polices... Stuff ?
>I wish that I could stay amongst you
-Yessss, she can... Just go into Exile somewhere, put yourself in prison *IF* she REALLY wants, *insert any reasonable alternative*...
>but I’ve done far too much damage for that.
-You mean like protecting ponykind for THOUSANDS of years (by whatever mean), assuring the good working of the Sun for *insert number* of Years and the Moon for a good 1000Years...
>You deserved a far better ruler then what I was.
-Nooooo... *SHE* deserved a population that wasn’t ‘’apparently’’ composed of psychopathic paranoiac morons(for whatever mysterious reasons only known by Mr.X)...
@Nova25
ReplyDelete>Celestia filled in the words for her. “It would kill me, wouldn’t it?”
>“You’re old, and if you weren’t the sun... You’d disintegrate into dust.”
-That... or one of the other several hundreds of other scenario that don’t involve an annoyingly unnecessary death.
And, of course, Twilight conveniently has a way to ‘kill’ an IMMORTAL being straight of nowhere... obviously...
> The next weeks passed in a blur for both of them.
-Funny... Several WEEKS passed and no one killed anyone in her name, no one became crazy, no one tried to kill her...
Dear gods ? It’s as if she could, you know, potentially just go somewhere isolated and live in peace without bothering anyone ? Shocking concept isn’t it ?
>Celestia meeting with her sister was the worst.
-Oh right, Luna... ‘’Hi dear sister that I finally reunited with recently, and that I clearly loved a lot in the series... I’m suiciding myself. Bye! ...No, the perspective to be in Exile somewhere with you and FINALLY pass some time with you, after those 1000years of separation apparently didn’t cross my mind, sorry’’.
>Celestia thought for a moment, then nodded. “I don’t see any other way.”
-I see about 8 just NOW... want to hear them ? No really, it will just take 2min of your ETERNAL life ?
For crying out loud... they don’t have to be ruling to raise the Sun&Moon ! Just abdicate, and go in a ‘Fortress of Solitude’ in Antarctica if you want ! ...it’s not the choices that are lacking.
>“Thank you... Thank you for not hating me - For- Lov-”
-Yep... 10seconds flat. I wonder why nopony ever tried to conquer the Nation, if ‘killing’ immortal Princesses is so fast... ah yes, the ‘’Elements of death’’... wait ?
>That she was going to see Twilight and her sister again.
-She forgot that Luna is also an immortal Princess there, isn’t it ?
-----
Well... apparently ‘suicide’ solves everything ! Giving up to the popular pressure... instead of working to make things better and to change things, to work on her problems and faults, before retiring somewhere calm and isolated... is much easier, and clearly the best choice a wise monarch like her(Celeestia) could do.
(sigh) ...the author wanted to quit, so he LITERALLY ‘suicided’ the story, instead of ending it on an ‘open ended’ note... riiiiight ?
...you know... I don’t think much can be said, or is worth saying at this point... or maybe it’s just too late here, or I’m just too tired... I don’t know, or want to know I think...
I'm going to keep my rating at 5 stars, because that was what I originally gave it when I first read it, when it was first posted. However, if I read this right now, I doubt it would get higher than 2. That ending was a fail and you should feel bad.
ReplyDelete@Biglulu
ReplyDeleteNo need to beat a dead horse... or whatever the saying is...
In all this, there was an idea... a potential that just wasn't exploited in the right way, BUT! that ''could'' have been (though, the ''suicide'' idea was really not a good one).
I suppose as a Douglas Adams fan I have to respect the desire to utterly end the story like this, but eh... It doesn't seem like you really tried much. I don't suppose I can blame you or really be expectant of better for my free fiction, though...
ReplyDelete*Sigh* Well, good luck with whatever you might be moving on to.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletethis was one of the first fanfics i readed (i never liked the idea of fanfiction before mlp) and make me love the concep. Its really sad it had to end like this :/
ReplyDeleteIsn't it sad.
ReplyDeleteFor me, the premise of this fic was always a bit too crazy to take gravely serious. I don't know if it was your intention, but I still enjoyed it immensely.
It was one of my first fanfictions to read (what's with all the first time readers in the comments? I personally think it's because of the title you chose ;)), which got me interested in grimdark fics. Maybe not for the best, since a lot of them are crap. Yours wasn't.
I don't have much to say about the ending. I don't think it deserves the title. Though even if it's a terrible cop out, I still think it's well written and somewhat touching.
It's a pity you didn't think you could make it. Regardless, I hope we'll hear from you some more in the future. Best wishes.
Tha was.... a very unsatisfying ending.
ReplyDeleteI liked the cut chapters; the premise of a Celestial Cult was interesting, and a little shipping/implied shipping jokes never hurts anyone.
Shuch a shame that you feel you had to 'finish' it, because it really doesn't feel finished at all.
fucking cop out out to a kick ass fic. You sir, are a schmuck.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about the fussy people, I know all too well what it's like to have a project you have no motivation to continue.
ReplyDeleteYes, the ending's pretty awful, but these guys should consider themselves lucky to have one at all instead of complaining that it's not good enough. I'd have left it, myself.
Are you perhaps looking to start writing something else? I'm sure today's EqD is better at giving feedback than 2011's.
@Unknown
ReplyDeletePlease to remain as polite as possible until the end of the tour.
Do not spit over the sides.
Do reference Family Guy, if you will : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSTEqHxh3fI
I read the first chapter and a half or so. Didn't really enjoy it. It started a bit abruptly for my tastes, and seemed to tell a bit more than it showed. Not the mention that Celestia seems heavily out of character. Too informal. Personally, I don't view her as secretly feared. But then again, I like to remain true to how things are in the show.
ReplyDelete"Changing the ending:
ReplyDeleteI desperately hope Bioware doesn't overwrite what they've done. Not because I think it's perfect (I don't), but because they made an artistic choice.
Now, if they want to release additional content that fills in some of the gaps, answers a few lingering questions and gives us a little more of that closure we needed without compromising the choice they made, I'm more-or-less fine with that. But the absolute last thing I ever want to see is a team of artists adjusting or abandoning their creative vision just to pander to fan complaints.
I understand the sense of individual ownership one can feel over this story. Bioware has expertly crafted an experience with the specific intent of making us invest ourselves in it, and they have succeeded spectacularly. And I do believe that players can tell their own story through a game (your Minecraft adventure, your WoW character's heroic career, etc). This is not one of those times. Every choice you've made in this journey was hand-crafted by the writers and artists at Bioware. They didn't give us an open field to play in; they gave us a series of branching trails to follow. We did not create those trails, even if the game works so hard to make it feel like we did. Mass Effect isn't ours to "Retake". It was never ours to begin with.
I don't want this to become the medium in which the audience can demand the creator to bend their vision to our whims. That's not how art works. That exactly what makes focus grouping such a potentially damaging practice.
Yes, feedback is important. And this is Commercial Art here, so knowing what your audience wants is important too. But to base every creative decision on the metric of "What the most people will like", or to go back after release and change a story to match audience expectations because "well, they're the boss" is to completely suck the soul out of an artistic work." ~Daniel Floyd of Extra Credits. On the ending of Mass Effect 3
Of course the author can write what they want. Other people however are free to write how much it sucks.
ReplyDeleteIsn't freedom of speech grand?
It does suck. I never said otherwise.
ReplyDeleteChanging up the story like that... I was curious where it was going!
Better to have a great story unfinished, than a mediocre one complete.
ReplyDeleteHave you thought about putting this on FIMFiction.net sometime?
ReplyDeleteIt used to be a great fic, and then it took a ME3 ending to the knee.
ReplyDeleteWell, at least the story has an ending. It may not be a very good one, but it's better than leaving it unfinished.
ReplyDeleteThis story had an ending?!? How the hell did I missed it?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, actually it was pretty good, short sure, and left various things unanswered, but to be honest, when the cult was introduced, I immediately feared another "empty room", and seeing that aspect drooped off completely was very satisfying.
So yeah, not a perfect ending, but enough to end the story with its dignity intact, instead of becoming a clusterfuck of grimdark element that at the end it would make it unreadable.
@DeRockProject
ReplyDeleteYeah Bioware lost its "artistic" card wend they did Day-One On-Dice DLC.
This story is proof of why Grim-Dark just to have Grim-Dark is terrible and ruins what could have been a good simple story about the mane six Helping Celestia.
How hard was it to just having a show level tone while the mane six try, and fail to get the ponies of ponyvillie to ease up wend they're around the princess?