• Story: Losing Ground

    by
    [Sad]

    Author: Quinch
    Description: A story of how Luna came to be banished, and the aftermath of her return.
    Losing Ground

    Additional Tags: Luna, tragedy, moon, friendship, breakdown
    Monday, August 8, 2011 op
    Labels: , , , , , , , ,
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    26 comments:

    1. AnonymousAugust 8, 2011 at 8:01 PM

      You only first once

      ReplyDelete
    2. Rainbow HashAugust 8, 2011 at 8:01 PM

      this is a good read. i'd like to see more episodic ponyville adventures rather than these elaborate drama's that if made into a book would bare an intricate mural of half of the characters on some distant desert planet.

      ReplyDelete
    3. GypsyAugust 8, 2011 at 8:06 PM

      luna + tragedy?!? BLASPHEMT! HERASY! I DEMAND HEADS TO ROLL

      ReplyDelete
    4. AnonymousAugust 8, 2011 at 8:22 PM

      This feels more like chapter 1 of a larger story rather than a complete short story to me. Like its unfinished.

      ReplyDelete
    5. Rainbow HashAugust 8, 2011 at 8:32 PM

      @Anonymous

      spin-off story , get at it

      ReplyDelete
    6. AnonymousAugust 8, 2011 at 8:57 PM

      Ethereal.

      ReplyDelete
    7. Pinkamina Diane PieAugust 8, 2011 at 9:14 PM

      I think my post on the page describes my thoughts.

      ReplyDelete
    8. Vimbert the UnimpressiveAugust 8, 2011 at 9:39 PM

      Hey, it made it! Congrats, Quinch!

      ReplyDelete
    9. Ditzy DerpAugust 8, 2011 at 10:08 PM

      An all to real feeling of being underappreciated and realization of things that are. I agree this feels more like a chapter one but i will cherish it as it is. Luna fics always seem to strike a chord with me.

      ReplyDelete
    10. AnonymousAugust 8, 2011 at 10:23 PM

      I am crying right now.

      5-stars.

      ReplyDelete
    11. AnonymousAugust 8, 2011 at 10:34 PM

      Meh.

      That's just how I feel about it. It shows potential, but still feels incomplete.

      3 stars.

      ReplyDelete
    12. AnonymousAugust 8, 2011 at 11:01 PM

      Heh, thanks for the compliments, everyone. As for it feeling incomplete, that was, to a degree intentional. I wrote a little post in the story comments explaining why, but if nobody minds, I'll paste it here for convenience.

      ---------

      I'm sorry you didn't like it; I know it would be hopelessly naive to expect that one's work would inherently appeal to everyone, but I still feel a little guilty about wasting anyone's time. That said, I'll try to clarify what I was aiming for.

      Moving forward wasn't an intention when I set out to writing the story - or at least not a priority, and was intended to be more of a semi-historical, introspective piece instead. So rather than move forward, I decided to simply wind it back and play it to the beginning instead, and from there there wasn't much to go forward to - because once the reader realizes when it takes place, how the night ends is a foregone conclusion. Thus, I thought I'd focus on the "how", rather than the "what".

      I also wanted to slowly draw the reader into the narrative, which I hope explains the confusion one might feel at first. I felt it would be more rewarding to paint the story piece by piece and let the reader assemble them into a complete picture, rather than deliver the entire exposition in one swoop. I also tried to do so with little parallels and callbacks between Luna's pre and post-banishment - some I think are subtle, others... less so. But I also felt it was just as important to leave some pieces out altogether and let the reader fill those in himself. For example, what did happen to Luna at the end? For that matter, what happened to her friend? That's for you to decide - if I wrote the story as well as I'd set out to, whatever you think will do better than any "...and then..." I could have followed it up with.

      I hope that explains things a little and thanks again for reading,

      Quinch

      ReplyDelete
    13. AnonymousAugust 8, 2011 at 11:14 PM

      @Quinch - Don't let the neigh-sayers get to you. This is a wonderful, poignant piece, as I said this morning, and I'm glad you gave me the opportunity to proof it.

      -Parchment

      ReplyDelete
    14. ArexshortpawAugust 9, 2011 at 12:00 AM

      Dat picture.

      ReplyDelete
    15. ZoroniiAugust 9, 2011 at 12:46 AM

      Sorta unrelated, but I have that picture on my iPod :)

      ReplyDelete
    16. Stephen CawkingAugust 9, 2011 at 1:04 AM

      Definitely well put together, moving and tragic.

      Just... well, there's nothing new. I think we're all a little tired of sad, emo Luna stories, forever hammering home the idea that she's sad and under appreciated... We don't even see her attempt to escape her situation, she's just sad all the time.

      My favorite scenes were the conversations between Luna and the coffee shop owner. As well as anything that breaks the 'emo Luna' mold.

      ReplyDelete
    17. AnonymousAugust 9, 2011 at 1:57 AM

      @Stephen Cawking

      That what I was aiming for; basically two friends shooting the breeze at the end of a long day, which is why his {transparently BS, which she would have spotted if not for the circumstances} dismissive answer made her feel as though someone yanked the ground out from under her.

      Writing a sad Luna because sad Luna is sad Luna would have just been... done before.

      Quinch

      ReplyDelete
    18. Stephen CawkingAugust 9, 2011 at 3:39 AM

      Definitely well put together, moving and tragic.

      Just... well, there's nothing new. I think we're all a little tired of sad, emo Luna stories, forever hammering home the idea that she's sad and under appreciated... We don't even see her attempt to escape her situation, she's just sad all the time.

      My favorite scenes were the conversations between Luna and the coffee shop owner. As well as anything that breaks the 'emo Luna' mold.

      ReplyDelete
    19. AnonymousAugust 9, 2011 at 3:39 AM

      @Quinch - Don't let the neigh-sayers get to you. This is a wonderful, poignant piece, as I said this morning, and I'm glad you gave me the opportunity to proof it.

      -Parchment

      ReplyDelete
    20. Vimbert the UnimpressiveAugust 9, 2011 at 3:39 AM

      Hey, it made it! Congrats, Quinch!

      ReplyDelete
    21. AnonymousAugust 9, 2011 at 5:04 AM

      It's not that I couldn't have liked it. But at "The ground lurched." things become hopelessley unclear. I understand you left some things open-ended, but if it was a bit more clear what was happening in a those purple proseish scences this would have been a lot better.

      ReplyDelete
    22. BareeAugust 9, 2011 at 9:24 AM

      Hmm. Technically its well written. But I guess it all just goes a bit over my head. There seems to be little reason or explanation for Luna's transformation into Nightmare, that whole scene just strikes me as confusing. Goes for most of the story. *Shrugs*

      ReplyDelete
    23. AnonymousAugust 9, 2011 at 10:35 AM

      Hmmm. I didn't think it was that confusing, but given some of the comments...

      Do you think I should make an annotated version of the fic in which to point out and explain the story elements that might be overlooked by a casual reader, since it wasn't intended to be a casual read to begin with?

      -Quinch

      ReplyDelete
    24. WierdplatformerAugust 13, 2011 at 2:50 AM

      This is a beautiful piece. In the first half, there were points where I had to reread it to understand it a bit better. Aside from that, this was an enjoyable read.

      ReplyDelete
    25. TwinkiePinkieAugust 13, 2011 at 7:14 AM

      I found this story just a bit lackluster. Maybe it's just me, but it took a bit of reexamination to get this story. It was just a bit confusing I guess. I THINK I understand what you're going for, but it just seems slightly...ambiguous? Is that the right word? It does not assert that anything happened. The part where Luna just goes off and is then banished just seemed kinda odd. Plus, the NMM bit didn't seem to be in character. The "subject" quip was in line with it, but it seemed that she was resigned to lose from the get-go. If that's the case, is the first part a memory, a dream, or how she would do it now, or something else? It's just not clear, and that just kind of bugs me.
      I'd give this a 2.5 out of 5. It passes, but it is not as strong as some of the stories I've seen on EqD. I thought that the dialogue was okay, but the structure of the story as well as the lack of new content make it hard to like this story. Perhaps I am just a simpleton who doesn't get the brilliance of the story. That may be the case. I just couldn't follow the story all that well, and it just seemed that it was a sad luna fic that did not contribute anything to the collective story of Luna. Sad Luna is reminiscing just a bit, remembering a conversation with a pony who isn't even named, and then it cuts to the future where she just mopes. I hate to be this critical, but the story just doesn't really do anything. It doesn't create something new, present the story in a new light, or develop Luna's character. Because of that, I couldn't give it a strong review.

      ReplyDelete
    26. Present PerfectSeptember 6, 2012 at 7:16 PM

      3.5/5

      Hi, it's been over a year since this was posted, and I just stumbled into Filler's little blog thing and gave this a read.

      The writing was far purpler than I tend to like, though by the end I think perhaps I got used to it. I was somewhat incensed at the opening scene, as I detest even the slightest hint of Luna-Pip, but that's silly, because this is pre-Luna Eclipsed! It's amazing to think that was even a thing. So being able to reevaluate this story in that light, I think there's more to like.

      Truthfully, I liked the progression just in what this story does, presenting familiar to nightmare to unfamiliar. The parallels drawn between the first and final scenes are well done and gave this some meat. It's the execution that doesn't sit well with me, but then I've also been doing a lot of reevaluating of my appreciation of writing recently, so I've no idea what any of that even means.

      I'm rambling. This is a nice character study with skillful structure, just rendered with perhaps too many flourishes. I hope you actually see this.

      ReplyDelete

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