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| Ignore Trixie's Backwards crown! This painter was a moron and will never work in this empire again! |
Greetings, my adoring public! It is I, The Great and Powerful Trixie—soon to be upgraded to Princess Trixie, if Celestia ever returns my letters (clearly lost in the mail again).
Today, I graciously bestow upon you ten incredibly compelling reasons why granting me wings and ultimate magical authority is exactly what Equestria desperately needs.
Pay no mind to any rumors about my supposed "lack of qualifications" or "questionable ideas." Trixie assures you that becoming an alicorn princess would benefit everypony immensely—especially Trixie herself.
1. Trixie Would Outlaw Humility
Humility makes everypony uncomfortable. Under Alicorn Princess Trixie, everypony would finally be free to boast constantly, though obviously not louder than Trixie herself.
2. Mandatory Magic Shows
With Trixie as your princess, mandatory attendance at spectacular magic shows would become law! Productivity? Friendship lessons? Who needs those when you have constant dazzling entertainment?
3. Rename Ponyville to "Trixieville"
Frankly, "Ponyville" is unimaginative. "Trixieville" is nostalgic. Everypony LOVED my re-imagining of Ponyville! We need to bring it back! We need to bring back Trixieville!
4. Replace Twilight Sparkle as Princess of Friendship
Let's be honest: Twilight Sparkle's friendship lessons are predictable and clearly inferior. Trixie’s approach would involve more fireworks, fewer lectures, and occasionally, some harmless town-wide chaos to keep things interesting!
5. Create "Starlight Glimmer Day"
Starlight Glimmer is Trixie’s best (and only) friend, and thus deserves her own holiday—one where everypony must bring gifts, cakes, and fireworks to Trixie. (What, you thought it was about Starlight? Please.)
6. Immediate Statue Construction of Trixie in Every City
Ponies deserve inspiration! Giant, sparkling statues of Trixie everywhere would greatly improve morale, at least, that’s what Trixie assumes.
7. Unlimited Supply of Peanut Butter Crackers
Trixie believes peanut butter crackers should be declared the national food of Equestria. Ponies might not agree now, but they'll learn to love them once it's legally required!
8. Ban Wheels (They're Suspicious)
As an alicorn princess, Trixie would immediately ban wheels. Carts keep breaking on Trixie, clearly due to some conspiracy and not at all related to her driving skills.
9. Friendship Dungeon (for Educational Purposes)
Trixie would create a Friendship Dungeon where ponies who fail to appreciate Trixie's greatness spend time until they admit she's the most lovable pony in Equestria. It’s purely educational, of course—no grudges here!
10. Trixie Would Rule With Utter Confidence and Zero Experience
Equestria deserves a princess who’s never bothered by trivial things like "consequences" or "responsibility." Confidence alone will definitely ensure things never spiral out of control. (Probably.)
Clearly, with these sensible and perfectly reasonable changes, everypony would live in awe and joy under Princess Trixie’s benevolent rule. The choice is obvious! Vote Alicorn Trixie today! (Wait, you don’t vote for alicorns? Trixie needs to speak to Celestia immediately...)
