Hey, everypony! Lyra Heartstrings here. Unicorn musician, bonbon enthusiast, and your go-to mare for all things human.
Yes, humans! You know, the mysterious, two-legged, clothes-wearing
creatures from another dimension who invented cars, phones, and a lot of
wonderfully interesting things we ponies can’t even begin to understand.
I’m here today as the President (and sole member, apparently) of Ponyville’s Human Fan Club to present you with undeniable evidence that humans are, in fact, superior to ponies in absolutely every way. (Please don’t stop reading, I promise this will all make sense!)
First, humans have accomplished things we ponies have never even dreamed of! Like building huge, sprawling cities filled with shiny metal towers, endless roads, and incredible technology. There might be a little... smog. Lots of smog. But hey, who needs clean air when you’ve got flying metal tubes called airplanes, right? Sure, humans may have, um, accidentally set their own planet on fire, melted their glaciers, and caused mass extinctions, but…come on, ponies could only dream of being so ambitious! So ambitious in fact, that they’re willing to destroy their entire planet just to prove they can. That’s dedication!
And let’s talk about humans and society. Ponies have this whole “friendship and equality” thing going on, which, let's face it, gets pretty boring. Humans, on the other hoof—I mean, hand—have invented something way more exciting: inequality! Isn’t it amazing? Some humans have everything they could ever want, and others have…nothing! They even have something called "homelessness," which might sound awful at first, but hey, humans also created reality TV, so I’m sure they know what they’re doing. Nothing builds character like fighting for survival in a world that has more than enough for everyone. Right?
Oh, and humans have also invented the wonderful, all-consuming magic of social media. Why talk to your friends in real life when you can obsessively stare at a tiny glowing rectangle, comparing your life to millions of strangers until you’re filled with anxiety? We ponies only have face-to-face friendship, boring and simple—but humans have anxiety-fueled dopamine rushes and endless scrolling. Um…yay?
Let’s also not forget humans’ unmatched talent for conflict. Ponies might have friendship problems solved by songs and rainbow lasers (boring!), but humans have wars, arguments, politics, and so much yelling. It’s impressive, really! They've even made fighting an art form—they call it "politics." Instead of harmony, humans prefer constant disagreement and passive-aggressive comments online. So…much more interesting?
Okay, maybe at this point you’re thinking humans aren’t as perfect as I’m making them sound. And, sure, maybe humans occasionally cause irreparable damage, live with unfairness, ignore kindness, and create entire systems built on stress and competition—but they have opposable thumbs! Opposable thumbs, everypony! You know what that means? They can pick things up…with one hand! If that's not clear superiority, I don’t know what is.
In conclusion, even though humans are a bit—um, self-destructive and complicated, they're clearly way ahead of us ponies in creativity and innovation! They may accidentally ruin everything they touch, but they're fascinating, daring, and brave enough to do it repeatedly. Plus, I heard they have pizza, and that's honestly reason enough.
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| Bonbon banned the full human spell, but she's OK with this one! |
Now if you'll excuse me, I’m going back to obsessively reading human fanfics on my crystal tablet. Humans forever! (Um, just maybe keep an eye on them—they tend to get into trouble.)
