Author: Zak TH
Description: Luna is no longer Nightmare Moon, and has returned to rule Equestira once again, but not everypony is so ready to forgive. When a secret organization kidnaps the Elements of Harmony and threatens to murder Luna, Rainbow Dash must go back into the memories of her ancestor Firefly, to learn the ways of the Assassins to fight this new terror and save the new princess, as well as her friends.All Chapters after the Break!
Brotherhood of the Moon Part 1
Brotherhood of the Moon Part 2
Brotherhood of the Moon Part 3
Brotherhood of the Moon Part 4
Brotherhood of the Moon Part 5
Brotherhood of the Moon Part 6
Brotherhood of the Moon Part 7
Brotherhood of the Moon Part 8
Brotherhood of the Moon Part 9
Brotherhood of the Moon Part 10
Brotherhood of the Moon Part 11
Brotherhood of the Moon Part 12
Brotherhood of the Moon Part 13
Brotherhood of the Moon Part 14
Brotherhood of the Moon Part 15
Brotherhood of the Moon Part 16
Brotherhood of the Moon Part 17 (New!)
Additional Tags: Crossover, G1, Assassin's Creed, History, Conspiracy
180 comments:
Assassin's creed crossover. But without a Grimdark tag...
ReplyDeletemistake?
Dang it this sounds too awesome not to read and I'm not even an AC fan.
ReplyDeleteSorry, but I hope I'm not the only one who thinks that as awesome as the Assassin's creed series is, the concept of Religion being completely forged by artifacts that allow you to bend reality, as well as the bloodshed of a bunch of people (and now, ponies) is well deserving of a Grimdark tag.
ReplyDeleteOh well, I'm going in! Wish me luck!
PREPARING FOR MAX AWESOMENESS.
ReplyDeleteYeah. Probably deserves a GrimDark, this one.
ReplyDeleteHmm, I'll have to check this out later. Curse you work! *shakes fist*
ReplyDeleteNot much content in the first chapter.
ReplyDeleteMaybe we have to wait to buy the downloadable content to do the next sequence?
Which is a problem, there is not enough content to give a rating on.
That hood really wouldn't do much if her tail is showing. I mean how many ponies do you know that have rainbow tails?
ReplyDeleteI really like this, and not just because it's a seemingly ill-fitting video game crossover.
ReplyDeleteher blade is showing +drools+
ReplyDeleteThis has potental
ReplyDelete@KShrike
ReplyDeleteI lold.
@KShrike
ReplyDeletelol
@Narwhals' Bend
ReplyDelete@Anon
Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week.
Nothing is true, Eveything is permitted.
ReplyDeleteAC + MLP = EPIC.
I agree, there's not really enough to go on for ratings, but I think it deserves a grimdark more than the adventure it does have.
ReplyDeleteLove it's vague start, though It dose need a grimdark tag. will be awaiting the next segments!
ReplyDelete*Sees Title*
ReplyDeleteNEW LUNAR REPUBLIC STORY?!
*Sees picture and description*
Awwwww...I wanted a NLR Story...
Oh, well. This will do for now.
AWESOME! NAYC!
ReplyDeleteAnd... um... make it longer next time!
>mfw I didn't remember who firefly was until I saw the G1 tag
ReplyDelete>mfw I cant post a face to show my disappointment in my self.
Hahaha Rainbow Dash as FireFly xD? that wakes up some baaaaaad memories
ReplyDeleteI call grimdark tag on this too. Stabbing ponies in the neck not grimdark? You dun goofed seth and prereaders. As far as fanfics go, not bad. Could do with a bit of fixing up here and there. 4/5.
ReplyDeleteRealy good start but it could use a grimdark tag
ReplyDeleteI need to preorder Revelations
ReplyDeleteSo I'm getting the idea that maybe I should have added a Grimdark tag...
ReplyDeleteI like what I've read so far! I look forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteNever played the AC games, though I am mildly familiar with the universe. Is there anything that ponies can be crossed with that doesn't immediately become 20% cooler?
ReplyDeleteGood start, reaaaaally good start. No visible grammar errors or spelling errors that I can tell.
ReplyDeleteI'll stay tuned...
Guard: "I'll just need a name from you all and you can go right in..."
ReplyDelete*STABBED*
Wait, if stabbing him WAS telling the guard his name, does that mean one of the bad guys was Pokey Pierce??
Someone needs to make an actual game based on this.
ReplyDeleteSeriously? Assassin's Creed is necessarily Grimdark? While it is true that the assassins commit murder more often than the typical GTA protagonist, there is barely any blood in the games. For a more apt comparison, read Assassin's Creed: Renaissance. It's much more up-close than the games but still doesn't focus on the massive amounts of bloody murder Ezio commits. Probably the most gory part is when someone gets stabbed in the throat, and even then the description isn't bad at all.
ReplyDeleteWow, that turned into quite a rant, but it really needs to be made clear that just because the main focus (and even title) of something revolves around killing doesn't mean that the work is uber-gory or Grimdark.
Okay, color me interested. I really can't wait for the next one to come out now. :)
ReplyDeleteGrimdark implies massive amounts of blood and gore (A la Fallout Equestria) not just violence. "Dangerous Buisiness" had a good amount of violence in it but got by with an "Adventure" tag.
ReplyDeleteAs for the story itself, I cannot wait to see where this goes! I've always liked that pic, but I never thought anyone would write an Assasin's Creed crossover. Can't wait to hear more.
This could work.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm pretty sure death is an automatic Grimdark, even if it's one guard pony receiving a knife to the throat...
Assassin's Creed and Ponies?
ReplyDeleteSounds like a win to me!
Also, like many, I am surprised it's not Grimdark.
Assassin's creed and MLP. A combination of two of the most awesome stuff. No comment on the grimdark tag debate :P
ReplyDeleteWow. I love where this story's plot is going, not too many grammatical errors from what I can tell, and brilliant execution in its narrative. I'm definitely staying tuned despite me having never played a single Assassin's Creed game before.
ReplyDeleteZak TH, I salute you for your commendable work.
(insert image of RD saluting here)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDash must have been pretty upset when she learned that she couldn't fly.
ReplyDeleteI like where this is going... sorta.
This is incredibly interesting. I can't wait for Part 3!
ReplyDeleteNothing is sad. Everything is friendship.
ReplyDeletepart 2, so far nothing has really happened, though I think I'm either forgetting the show, or your making this up, either way. it works.
ReplyDeleteUp to part two. I like the writing style and the narrative. I'm listening to "Ezio's family" as I'm typing, and it's setting an epic mood quite well!
ReplyDeleteI've only played the first Assassin's Creed (not even finishing it).
I see this as a fun crossover, so I hope it doesn't get too grimdark for its own good.
They once spoke Italian in Equestria? Hmm.
ReplyDeleteI also half-expected Firefly to respond to her mother's objections to her roof-climbing activities with "Nothing is true. Everything is permitted."
May the Father of Friendship guide you.
And then Rainbow Dash was Desmond... oh god... awesome.
ReplyDeleteSigh. I really should play this game, shouldn't I?
ReplyDeleteI'm a huge fan of AC, and this crossover hasn't let me down yet. You knew how to ponify the whole animus and the story. I expect some loooooooong story with this.
ReplyDeleteI noticed a slight mistake when reading chapter 2, you missed >"< these bad boys on a sentence, messing the whole paragraaph up. That's all that caught my attention.
I look forward to the next chapter
I love the AC series, and the crossover is done smoothly so far. Looking forward for more!
ReplyDelete@NotAGoodUsername360
ReplyDeleteWell, Fluttershy talked about French fashion in Suited for Success, and even spoke some french.
Why not Italy too.
And if any non-AC players were wondering what Zak was talking about at the end of Part 2...
http://youtu.be/O0i6YFrSs6c
Fits pretty darn well.
I actually had to make an account to comment on how amzing this is. It's very fluently done so far, and I'm a tad impressed at how the MLP fanbase is actually able to execute fanfiction styles that normally would be a pathetic failure, such as crossovers.
ReplyDelete>Reaches end of ch. 3
ReplyDelete>Firefly says "Requiescat in pace."
Hell. Yes.
I enjoyed part 3 and 4 really well just like AC2 but more alternative and more imaginational creating which made me think that this is some badass stuff right here and i dont care which took longer than expected, ill always wait for the next part of the story
ReplyDeleteFor now I will give it 4/5 because I have feeling that we are not at the most epic part yet.
ReplyDeleteAnd excuse me, I'm off to start Assassin's Creed 2 from the beginning, again.
Hehe, this is awesome, can't wait for the next chapter, but until then time to go play some AC ^-^
ReplyDeleteNever played the games, but this is an interesting read.
ReplyDelete@BlankFlankBrony:
ReplyDeleteSame here. Doesn't mean I can't find this enjoyable.
I once knew a pony named Ezio Andalusia da Equestria, who knew Niccolo MaCriollovelli.
ReplyDeleteMOAR.
nice fin,cant wait for updates
ReplyDeleteGreat Story the best crossover fanfic I read though I am biased and love both pieces of source material.
ReplyDeleteI love this!
ReplyDeleteMore...
ReplyDeleteI want the chapters to be longer...
ReplyDeleteI'm not familiar with Assassins Creed but am enjoying this tremendously anyway! :)
ReplyDeleteSounds very interesting. I'll definitely read after I finish Fallout: Equestria.
ReplyDeleteHuh. Y'know, I hate to say it, but after reading that Blueblood story by Chaucer345, I'm thinking maybe the wings really would be a better place to put those blades. It's just difficult to imagine a pony handling something strapped to their forelegs with any amount of grace. With the wings, though, I can imagine all sorts of balletic combat.
ReplyDeleteThis is really an awesome story! Even if she can't really get all that hurt in this stage of the game, I can't wait to see how her ancestors life played out!
ReplyDeleteI was worried this might be a simple retread, but you've thankfully proven that wrong. You've done a wonderful job of incorporating and manipulating the canon of both sources while still maintaining some new elements.
ReplyDeleteOnly problem I can spot is the attribution of dialogue to Rainbow when it really ought to be to Firefly (unless the syndrome from AC2 has set in remarkably early), this really should be more about what Fireefly does than what Dash does.
Awesome.
ReplyDeleteAWESOME AS TITS.
Its awesome how I just got Assassins Creed Brotherhood yesterday and see this here today
ReplyDeleteAwesome? Naw... UBER!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou might want to list the dates
ReplyDeletein chapter 4 you mention Twilight went missing sometime in 5 OE but in ch 5 its impling that Luna's on the moon now. Or was it Dash just remembering that's they place where Tia and Luna fought or something.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteAgh, I can't beleive I missed that line.
Sorry, that was left over from an idea I decided not to use. This point in the story is still 12 OE though, just for reference.
Still, ignore that for now, I fixed it.
2 Problems with chapter 6
ReplyDelete1) You missed an Everyone (should be everypony)
2) You refer to Glory as both a Pegasus and a Unicorn. Which is it?
Random end line was a bit random (fanservice tends to be), but otherwise good. I think you need to state the length of Rainbow's stay in the animus stand in since it appears to be months without the sense of brevity afforded to the player in the games.
ReplyDeleteI've always loved how stupid the guards are in the Assassin's Creed games. It's really bad when you can walk through a bunch of red robed cardinals wearing black, armed with sword, dagger, and crossbow; and covered in armored plating.
ReplyDeleteAs a side note, I also watched one climb a ladder until he disappeared into the sky during a chase. I was tired of being pursued so I killed one and leapt to another building. Then, one on the ground decided to climb up after me and never stopped climbing. I was curious as to whether or not he would eventually fall to his death, but as far as I know he's still climbing.
Last part of the chapter 16... I couldn't help it, but I imagined the song "Flight Over Venice"... a sad song I think...
ReplyDeleteSo...It's actually an AC2 crossover. I wish I knew that, I haven't played 2 yet. Oh well, I'll get to it soon enough.
ReplyDeleteAnd Pinkie Pie is evil, most likely. I thought that as soon as Rainbow thought that Pinkie should pop around the corner any second, and she didn't. And it was all but confirmed by Luna crushing the next train of thought regarding Pinkie with a "Things you should know, but not yet," line.
Now I just need Ch. 7 to appear to finish it off.
@musicssound
ReplyDeleteOh great. And now an evil, non-Pinkamena Pinkie makes me think of the Joker. As a pony.
And wait, this is a g1 crosssover as well? Ok, well...That makes sense. The personalities are supposed to be virtually the same, by the way Faust created the g4 ponies. But that means I need to go do some research, because the author could pull in stuff from that, and I don't know anything about g1. Argh.
It's AMAZING! I really love the story line and how everything goes. I cant wait for the next to come out
ReplyDeleteBY THE CUPCAKES, this is the most win I've seen in all my days as a brony.
ReplyDeletehmmm how about in one of the chapters rainbow dash finds her friends and her friends are surprised that she's an assassin
ReplyDeleteI must say that this is the start of something great. I've been an Assassin's Creed fan since the first installment and when I saw this pop up, I honestly thought it would have been the AC plot but with ponies. I was, thankfully, proven wrong in so many ways. The way you put the story together beautifully ties the canon of both series in a wonderful original story. It's the right amount of both universes combined to make something that I enjoy reading over and over again. Also, I am not taking any sides, but the choice of Rainbow Dash as the focal point of the story was a genius move. This is because the context of her character is brave enough to have her do anything to help and protect the ones she loves but at the same time questions wether she can go through with whatever means it takes to do so. It's the perfect fit for, in my eyes, the pony version of Desmond. The only problem that I do see with this is that the chapters are a little short in my opinion. While I do enjoy reading it, I find myself burning through the chapters rather quickly and it really just feels like it's sort of rushed.
ReplyDeleteEither way, I like where this crossover is going. It's not FO:E, but I think it will eventually reach that level if given some time to develop. As for now 5/5. Wonderful job and I look forward to more.
Cool story, bronie! I haven't actually played most of the game, but it's still a cool story. And I mean this in a non-sarcastic way.
ReplyDeleteOkay, totally unrelated, but smosh once again posted Ponies today here:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.smosh.com/smosh-pit/photos/22-epic-video-game-mashups
Aw. I thought there were gonna be real bombs like in Revelations. Sad face. Gigantic sad face.
ReplyDelete*sees title*
ReplyDeletehmm.....
*sees art cover*
Wait...Is that Rainbow....as an Assassin?
*FANBOY SQUEAL*
I think this pic just gave me an orgasm...
*begins reading*
Hell yea.
Wait a minute... This is a G1 crossover? Who the Hell cares about G1? Besides everything being cupcakes and glitter in G1, the character design wasn't even as good. This fic just went down a notch in my estimation.
ReplyDeleteI don't think the chapter was that bad. Just keep writing.
ReplyDeleteI believe Pinkie's ancestor will take the place of Leonardo. Pinkie has shown she is good at creating things, like that flying contraption that appeared in one of the episodes, so why shouldn't her ancestor be unable to. I wonder if her ancestor will know about Dash, would definitely confuse Firefly if she ever mentioned Dash.
ReplyDeleteAmazing!
ReplyDeleteTwilight on the Templar side? I want to see them fight. When Rarity's ancestor was introduced you called her a pegasus a few times. When you did the Pinkie Pie Promise, was that foreshadowing...? I hope so.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteThe only G1 crossover are the names and color schemes. They're still G4 designed. But the author did that because a lot of the story has to do with ancestry. And since I'm pretty sure the mane 6 are based of of old G1 characters, it just goes hand in han-, hoof in hoof for the story design.
Wait i loved it but it has to have a grimdark tag.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteYeah really its grimdark man!
I don't understand how this could be a g1 crossover. All the main ponies are based on the ones we know from MLP:FiM. Still, it's a pretty food fic. Not the best written, but the story itself is very good.
ReplyDeleteThe only real mistakes I spotted were:
1: Several spelling, punctuation, and capitalization errors
2: Glory is referred to as both a Pegasus and a unicorn in the same paragraph. Seeing as she uses magic and is Rarity's ancestor, she's obviously supposed to be a unicorn, but this is still fairly obnoxious and distracting.
3: You seem to have a problem with run-on sentences.
Aside from those easily fixable edits, the story is shaping up nicely. Keep up the good work!
it's fan-fiction like this that i really love. this is SO underrated. i have reed this, fallout equestria, past sins, and a LOT more.
ReplyDeleteand a-side from a mistake or 2, this is my favorite story. this is utterly amazing. it doesn't fallow the AC story too well. but that's good! it shows that you can really write and come up with amazing things on your own.
i only want to point out three errors that i could find.
1. Glory is said to be a pegasus and a unicorn. which is it?
2. when dash and twilight are talking with the guard, it says dah said: this and this and this. in-staed of dash.
3. this isn't your fault, but instead seth's fault and the pre-readers.
and that is: this thing is SO grimdark.
anyhoof, i love this story, and i hope it keeps going for a long time.
keep up the good work man! i hope this becomes more popular.
OH! and one last thing. thanks for using the old ponies too. i miss firefly a lot, and it's nice to see a story with firefly again.
again, keep up the amazing work. bye!!
Keep it up, you're doing great so far.
ReplyDeleteEarlier today I was thinking when would we get another chapter. And ta-dah, just before I go to sleep and decide to press F5 for the one last time this one appears. I like your writing, keep up to good work.
ReplyDeleteAssassinations.......Dash.....20% more awesome keep up the good work :D
ReplyDeleteNeverKnown
I think the guards are supposed to be English in this.
ReplyDeleteI approve of this fanfic. Being a HUGE fan of the Assassin Creed franchise (as if my name wasn't obvious enough), I have to say I am very impressed Zak. By the way, did anyone else besides me read the chapters while listening to Assassin Creed's 2 soundtrack?
ReplyDeleteIt really enriches the whole experience. ;)
Pony's Creed.
ReplyDeleteNothing is sad. Everything is friendship.
@ZeusAssassin
ReplyDeleteI dunno, the castle crashers soundtrack worked pretty well.
Anyways, still liking how this is going (and that it appears to be drifting towards being more Firefly's story than Dash viewing her story). This is really one of those chapter though... lots happens, but nothing is accomplished. Not a bad thing, though. Sort of a prologue to the section.
Halfway through chapter 2. Neat concept, but I can't help but think...
ReplyDeleteThe whole story relies on a number of relatively sizey plotholes and dumb decisions to work.
(BTW, this comment carries a great big spoiler tag)
Going back 1000 years, if I am to understand correctly, Celestia had a group of shady advisers called the flames of the sun. These guys were like every other group of advisers ever in fiction because they were completely corrupt and wanted more power. So they sought to dethrone Luna so that they could obtain that power. Initially they started out by making attempts on her life so Luna created the Stars of the Moon clan of assassins to protect herself from their attempts on her life.
Plothole 1) Why didn't Luna just go tell Celestia about her advisers all being corrupt, usurping murderers? Wouldn't that have solved the problem way faster than forming an assassin clan? She could just tell Celly, who would shout "They did WHAT?!" and then banish them all from Equestria or something. Why go a needlesly complex route?
But okay, she forms the assassins. So eventually the flames of the Sun get it in their heads to work through Celestia and get her to banish Luna to the moon so they can swoop in.
Plothole 2: Really? They REALLY didn't think this would backfire on them?
So Celestia banishes Luna to the moon and BIG SURPRISE realizes that she's been had. So she banishes the Flames of the Sun from the palace. The flames of the sun blame their loss of power on Luna.
Plothole 3: Why do they blame their loss of power on Luna? They already took care of Luna. It's not her fault that it didn't work out for them. If anyone they should blame Celestia, or better yet themselves. Just in a moment of clarity realize "Wow... that was a DUMB move..."
I guess it could be like an obsession or a Jan Brady comple. Like how Jan was always angry because everyone focused on Marcia, the Flames are angry because Celestia wouldn't stop focusing on Luna. I guess they're just insane, but it still seems more likely that they'd blame Celestia SOMEWHAT...
So 1000 years later, Luna is back and the FLames return and due to the generational gap, the stories have twisted into saying that Luna is a tyrant that will destroy them all, like some 1000 year long game of telephone.
Plothole 4: And yet Celestia's actions against them seem strangely absent. You'd thing they'd have something to say against her...
(Continued in comment below)
@Dusty the Royal Janitor
ReplyDelete(Continued from comment above because blogger is silly and can't handle long comments)
SO they try to defame Luna in front of everybody and maybe kill her. That doesn't go as planned. SO they kidnap the Elements of Harmony.
Plothole 5: WHY?! That seems pretty tangentially related for something like this. And the Elements seem like they'd be more connected to Celestia, who they still appear to have a hard on for, in this case because none of them even know Luna on account of her 1000 year absence. Hell, Twilight is Celestia's student! Why are they kidnapping the Elements to get at Luna?
But they fail to capture Rainbow Dash because she's a descendant of a SoM Assassin and has some sort of muscle memory that allows her to outfight the Flames. So Luna nabs Rainbow
Plothole 6: How did she know Rainbow was an assassin's ancestor?
And takes her to the palace
Plothole 7: If these Flame guys are so tough how did she get Rainbow away from them? They seemed to have her in the crosshairs...
And she's going to do the Mental Assassin's Creed Whammy on her Brainmeats so she can hunt down the flames and save her friends.
Plothole 8: So... instead of sending, like, a platoon of some thousand soldiers or something to swamp and overwhelm them... you're going to waste time while the Elements may be being tortured and killed training this one pegasus to go in alone and single handedly take out the Flames and bring the elements back safely. Instead of swamping the Spotty Bulborb with 100 Red Pikmin you're going to throw a single Purple one at it. (PIKMIN REFERENCES!!!) I mean really... no matter how good the Flames may be, you have a whole army at your disposal. The Flames can't be that good or they probably would have tried to do something sooner. Just overwhelm them with numbers!
So yeah. We're only 1 and a half pages in and there are already 8 relatively sizey plotholes that glare out at us. It seems like a neat story with an awesome premise and it's otherwise well written, but when you have that many glaring plotholes from the very beginning set into your backstory and exposition of all things? The story becomes incredibly shaky and hard to believe. Now, I dunno, you very likely fill in some of these in later chapters, but first impressions make this story sound just silly and illogical.
We're going to keep reading of course, but keep this in mind when writing in the future. Plotholes like this in the Backstory and Exposition usually make for really flimsy and unbelievable legs to stand on for the whole rest of the story.
^ 1 and a half chapters. I meant one and a half chapters in. sorry...
ReplyDelete@Dusty
ReplyDeleteI'll admit, I don't really have a logical explanation for number 8. The only thing I can say is that it really wouldn't be much of an assassin's creed crossover if Dash didn't have to do anything. That one is one I'm sort of going to have to work with, as it's really there just to help the crossover aspect fit into the story.
However, a lot of these can be explained by underlying motives. Like the AC games, a big theme in the story is secrecy and back-stabbing, nearly everything the Flames have done so far, Try to kill Luna, get her banished to the moon, and convince their fillies that Luna's a power-mad evil enchantress has had a more discrete reasoning behind it. They should become a little more clear as the story progresses and more is revealed.
Also, for the record, Luna did not create or take part in leading the stars of the moon, the assassin's themselves chose the name as a kind of cover up, they chose to protect Luna, she didn't ask. Protecting her also had an underlying motive, but that's for later on.
Thank you for the feedback though, it's nice to have someone really look into my work and given me some criticisms. I'll keep this in mind int he future.
manly tears have been shed as soon as I say rainbow dash as an assassin.
ReplyDeleteSo, I'm back again. I've read through all 8 chapters now, and I don't have quite as much to say this time. The simple fact that you have so much leeway with building up Equestria's past, I really don't have much I can actually say against it. So I'll go along with the fact that it may have very well been like Renaissance Italy.
ReplyDeleteI also don't have much to say against Firefly as a character. In fact, contrary to most of the time when I see stuff like assassinations and death and war and hatred happening in Equestria, I really can't argue here either. After all, this is 1000 years ago. This isn't our Equestria. It's a completely different world in effect.
So with that in mind, having grown up in a culture like this and having experienced such a trauma, and knowing that most of the other mane 6 lookalikes have probably gone through similar experiences, I can buy what's going on 1000 years in the past. I can buy the characters and their motivations and their goals.
So I can buy it.
What I CAN'T buy is what's happening behind the scenes. What's happening with Rainbow Dash and Luna. I can almost understand Luna, after all this is the culture she knows. She's been in the moon for 1000 years. She thinks she's doing what she has to. I don't think she really likes it, but she feels she has to do it.
That said, I'm upset with how Rainbow Dash is being portrayed, because you're portraying her as a pushover. Not in body or anything, but in spirit.
You see, you've thrust Rainbow into a situation where she has to learn to be an assassin so she can go AGAINST EVERYTHING SHE EVER HELD TRUE TO HERSELF AND HER SENSE OF MORALITY AND GO AND KILL A BUNCH OF PONIES.
Now, I can't get mad at you thrusting her into that situation, but I am a little ticked that she's such a pushover. Because, yeah, she starts out saying "I don't want to kill anypony," but it isn't long before she starts to just accept it as something she has to do "for the greater good."
By the way, any time anyone ever brings up "the greater good" around me in this context, I have to seriously hold myself back to keep from punching their lights out because it's honestly the weakest, most cheap, easy-way-out and amoral stance one can have.
But rainbow, despite the fact she doesn't like it, she's being told she has to do it, and it isn't long before she just ends up sighing and saying "oh, fine."
Rainbow doesn't make sense to be an assassin. She hasn't had a major trauma like this. She's grown up with specific ideals and beliefs. She hasn't lived in a culture like the one 1000 years ago. There is nothing saying she should be an assassin other than Luna's prodding... which in this case portrays Luna in a very bad... almost _evil_ light.
(Continued in comment below)
@Dusty the Royal Janitor
ReplyDelete(Continued from Comment above)
Now of course, she's the element of loyalty right? She should do anything to help her friends and she'll never leave them hanging right? Well, okay, but how will her friends feel when they learn she's taken lives to save them? Somehow I don't think they'd ever look the same way at her again.
What about loyalty to the self? Loyalty to your beliefs and philosophies and ideals and staying true to who you are? Loyalty to your culture and country and home? In effect, by becoming an assassin, she is dumping everything she is.
Oh but it's for the greater good.
But I ask you... is anything that takes a sentient life truly good? This is the easy way out. It's wrong, and she should know it. If I had been in Rainbow's position, I would have called Luna out on plothole number 8 several hundred times by this point.
And even if she does have to be the one to save her friends, why does she have to kill anyone? I mean, why is Luna so consistently pounding in to her that ponies have to die at her hooves? I can thing of at least one other good option that she could take up. One I think would suit her quite well. She could become a knight. A knight who works in the shadows, avenging the innocent and dealing out true justice to the wrong. She will use the shadows and fear to her advantage. Because criminals are a superstitious and cowardly lot. A savior in the dark nigh- you know where I'm going with this. Rainbow Dash could totally become Batmare. And it would be a totally better and more in character choice than killing other ponies.
I'm just saying, that for how strong a character is in canon... how loyal and true she's meant to be, and all the morals and ideals she's portrayed to hold... she really seems to be ditching them pretty quickly. Knowing Rainbow Dash this seems terribly OOC.
I'd describe it as an "uncanny valley" of Out-Of-Character. The thing is, Rainbow Dash SEEMS totally in character in this story... but she's missing one thing. One really important CRUCIAL thing that is so essential that it ends up becoming incredibly noticeable and off putting to the point where you just can't get over it.
Formulaically, the story is alright. It's well written and it has a good air of tension but... the character issue. It's almost too much...
For the record, Dash isn't doing any killing at this point. She's learning and seeing trough Firefly's eyes yes, but I chose to give Firefly most of the control, and let Dash be simply an observer. I'll keep those moral issues in mind when I write her actually killing someone though.
ReplyDeleteHrm, why didn't dash kill gilded sword, and see if she could go through with it, or be reset?
ReplyDeleteI haven't gotten very far in this yet, but I can't help but be a little irked at how some of the details of the Animus are rapidly glossed over. If it were me, I'd describe her experience of things in a bit more detail. Think about it - having your body periodically possessed and having the plot highlight itself in white in your -field of vision- has got to be a really surreal experience, which I think is worthy of elaboration, at least the first couple of times it happens. Just my two cents.
ReplyDelete@Zak TH
ReplyDeleteWell, see that's the thing. You've done a really good job of blurring the lines as to exactly who is doing what at this point. Is Rainbow Dash simply along for the ride, watching through Firefly's eyes as though they were a TV screen with no actual control? Or is she in control but restricted to a very limited path of action. Your description suggests the latter. If it were the first one, the moral dilemma would be much simpler. Rainbow Dash wouldn't be at fault.
Apparently being the latter though, the moral dilemma is much harder to interpret. Who is doing all this killing? Firefly? Rainbow Dash? Both? Honestly at this point its had to tell, but the way its pitched makes it sound as though it's actually Rainbow Dash in control whenever a kill goes off.
In which case, while I can't be certain of the abandonment of everything she is AT THE MOMENT, it indicates an acceptance that this is her fate and she will willingly engage in these actions further down the road. It's made worse by the fact that we haven't heard an objection or any sign of resistance from her since that first fight with the bandits.
Now, I obviously have a very strong moral code that I adhere myself to, and I can't force you to follow the same code, but ask yourself if this really does seem in character for Dash. I admit I probably shouldn't have gone so far or been so vehement in that last comment, but at this point it's become very confusing, and as a result frustrating. Character derailment is the sort of thing that is a pet peeve of mine. I can;t stand to see good characters portrayed in a way that is simply wrong for them. But it's exacerbated in this case by the fact that it's almost hard to tell whether the character is being derailed or not simply by the context of the events in the story, i.e. going back in history to an event that already played out.
Fact is... at this point I don't know. I can't tell if Rainbow Dash has had her character completely mangled or not. It depends upon how in control she is at the moment I guess. But I guess it's the fact that she could be out of character but it's impossible to tell at this point that makes me the most frustrated because I can't actually give this story a proper opinion until I know, and while I don't necessarily like what I see Firefly/Rainbow Dash doing at the moment, it's hard to argue against.
I think, if I were to have any major request at this point, it would be to get on with it and let's hurry up and see what Rainbow Dash actually does _as Rainbow Dash_. Because this stuff with Firefly is starting to make the story and the characters very confusing and frustrating, and frankly, it's harder to care about events that happened 1000 years in the past than whats happening to the elements of harmony right now.
Honestly? I request the story not be as slow, I get that dash is trying to learn how to be an assassin but I just read about 7 chapters doing that when it could only take two. Maybe I'm just an impatient reader but I dont want to spend months waiting on chapters that progress only a quarter through the story.
ReplyDeleteAlso you need to make the line between rainbow dash and firefly more defined. Its hard to tell whos in control and whether or not RD should feel guilty. If anything she should start to be getting used to the habit now.
Also I agree with dusty, rainbow dash isnt, for lack of a better term, a pussy. She does what she has to and doesn't fraid or anything. I can see that more realistically she shouldn't have a problem taking a few lives if it means saving her friends. She should be okay after the first few. Realistically anyway
ReplyDelete@wutdo
ReplyDeleteUm, while I agree with your first comment that it's moving way too slow and that the line between Firefly and Rainbow Dash needs to be more defined, I think you misunderstood the real point of my comment.
I was saying that she would be a pushover if she _did_ kill anypony. Because really at this point there's no reason for her to be afraid of anything physically since she has these super ninja assassin powers and all. The real question of character at this point is "will she be a pushover by taking the easy way out and succumbing to killing other ponies, or will she manage to persevere, stay true to her sense of loyalty and friendship, and make it out with no blood on her hooves?" Frankly, she should have a problem with taking a life. Valuing life is not a weakness. If anything it is a strength. If rainbow decided to ditch all her standards and morals just to get the job done, that would be the sign of a weak character and a derailment on the author's part. That's what I was arguing against.
I guess I didn't make it clear enough, but in regards to control, Firefly is still head honcho, and has been since her parent's died. She's still out looking for vengeance on the killer, and until he dies she's going to be pretty much calling the shots, with little to no input for hesitation from dash.
ReplyDeleteStill, I'll take the slow-speed and character derailment issues in mind now, but just to clarify; at this point in the story Firefly has full control of her actions. Dash is along for the ride, watching, but not doing. I've tried my best to convey Dash's resentment towards harming other ponies, but I had thought that the message was clear, and that further pushing it would be over-kill. Since it seems that it's not clear enough, I'll try to add more resistance from Dash's side.
@Dusty the Royal Janitor
ReplyDeleteI agree especially since Firefly's mission is vengeance while Dash's is rescue.
@Zak TH
ReplyDeleteWell, alright, thank you for listening to my criticism and taking it into account. I actually do think the story is well written for the most part it just needs some tweaking in some really vital areas.
That being said, I know you probably don't want even MORE things pointed out, but your asserion that Firefly is in complete control and that Dash is simply riding shotgun, well... it doesn't fit. And it doesn't fit because of that time when it did that desynchronization thing. If Dash was just hanging out in Firefly's head, then history would play out exactly as it had 1000 years ago. However, when the timeline desynchronizes, that suggests that Dash is in control and has overstepped the bounds of history. This means, without a doubt, that Dash was at the very least in control to murder the bandits in chapter 3. This still is a little worrisome.
I don't remember it having happened since, so maybe those were the only kills she's done, but Dash has very obviously been in control at least a little bit from time to time.
I think what it means is that Dash is playing out Firefly's memories, not taking her own voluntary actions. Her identity is submerged in Firefly's and, while cognizant of her actions, is no more a decider of them than a reader decides what actions the character takes on the page. Remember, this is a memory of WHAT ALREADY HAPPENED 1000 YEARS AGO. Dash has never killed anyone, and may never kill anyone. The training is to supply her with the means to do so IF SHE HAS NO OTHER CHOICE. And a phrase I prefer vastly over "For the grater good" is "Do what you can because you must" or if you like "Do what you must because you can".
ReplyDeleteThe author handed me my ass this day. They (spoilers) kept talking about Posey's hobby or "special service", and I'm sure everyone was thinking the same thing. And when she said explosives, I burst into laughter at how the author turned our own silliness against us. Laughed over this with a few good brony friends on MSN. Just finished reading Chapter 6, keep it up!
ReplyDelete@Zamoonda
ReplyDeleteYep that one had me thinking some funny thoughts for a while... I didn't really mind. /)^3^(\
Now I'm just wondering if the Pinkie ancestor will be the early Gen Pinkie Pie...
ReplyDeleteOr the White Coated Golden Maned Pegasus Surprise.
@DPV111
ReplyDeleteYeah, I get that. That's the thing. If she's so buried under Firefly and her actions 1000 years ago that she has no control, shouldn't it have never desynchronized like it did that one time? That suggests either some level of control doesn't it?
I like that phrase somewhat better myself as well. If there is absolutely no other choice, then I too am an advocate of killing in defense, whether it be defense of yourself or others.
The actual issue I have here comes from the fact that she has been given these super assassin/ninja/Batman abilities. The thing is that you'd never see Batman killing someone even if someone tried to kill him... which happens a lot. He has the capability to defuse and neutralize the situation without anyone having to die. Dash now has this ability too. So if she uses these abilities but rather than taking the high road and using them to simply defuse and neutralize she just goes the quick and dirty route and kills people, it'd come across as, well... I'm not sure I want to say "evil," but lazier and more uncaring than I think would fit Dash's persona. But the attitude she seems to be given in this story seems to be an acceptance that this quick and dirty route is the only way, which is a seriously defeatist attitude, which I think puts her even more out of character.
Do you see what I'm getting at? I'm starting to worry that my point isn't clear...
@Dusty the Royal Janitor
ReplyDeleteIn my perspective Dash's level of CONTROL over Firefly's actions is variable: she can take direct control or operate on autopilot. Her level of AWARENESS is NOT variable: she always experiences Firefly's actions as if they were her own whether she is directing them or not..
I fully understand you though.
"Killing in the Name of _" Is in my opinion one of the greatest fallacies of humanity.
While I hope Dash is not forced to take a life in the present, I would consider her far more justified in doing so than Firefly due to the nature of their motivations.
Then again, I don't think Dash would be as much of a killer as Firefly simply because, training or no, there's a huge difference between a medieval Equestrian indoctrinated assassin and a modern Equestrian Element of Harmony.
So any update coming on this soon /hope
ReplyDeleteNew chapter? FINALLY YES! :D
ReplyDeleteWooo, new chapter!
ReplyDelete((Minor SPOILER))
ReplyDeleteaww the end of chapter 10 :/ makes me wana know why Dashie D: she could have been such a Mare Assassin
I gotta say, I'm proud Dashie pulled through. Now go be Batman, Dash.
ReplyDeleteIn all seriousness, I love the cruel irony in this last chapter. And I really do love how you've managed to address the issue here that Firefly is nowhere near as justified or innocent as she thinks she is, if she can even be descries as the "good guy." Gilded Sword killed her parents without mercy, and now these innocent guards that probably don't even fancy the idea of working for such a guy have left widows behind. Goes to show you're not always right and the situation is never as clear cut as it's made out to be.
But I'm glad that Dash seems to have held firm to what she's learned and to her background in the current, idyllic Equestria, and I'm glad that she hasn't fallen prey to what's been going on in the past. You let that sort of emotion consume you it'll consume all of you, and you're not gonna pull out of it, and I'm glad we've moved away from the apparent hopelessness and resignation of previous chapters.
But now that that's that, and she has all the skills, I'm happy to say that now Rainbow can totally save her friends, and nobody has to die in the process if you think about it. Enough stealth and sabotage and careful planning and trickery... maybe with a little bit of knocking guys out and chloroforming... She could totally get through and save her friends like Batman or Solid Snake.
Cant wait untill the bleeding effet is done and dash totaly destroys the ponys who captured her friends
ReplyDeleteSo, I just got into this today, and I'm wondering-- is there any particular update schedule? I know some authors like to get one update out per week, or one every other week, or some similar schedule, and I'm curious/hopeful to see if there's one for this as well.
ReplyDelete@Chainlinc3
ReplyDeleteHeh, I try to write one every week, but in all honesty the schedule can only be described as "whenever I finish". I realize it sounds so lazy, but for now that's just how it is. Unfortunately, I don't get as much time every week to write about ponies as I'd like.
@Zak TH
ReplyDeletetake your time i can't wait for the next chapter your writing is like getting an early Christmas present keep up the great work
@Dusty the Royal Janitor
ReplyDeleteAh you're quite an idealist. I feel the same way as you, just not as strongly. I doubt things will turn out as neatly, but I also doubt we'll see Dash turned into a cold blooded killer. In the end taking life should be held in equal reverence to creating it; and one not blinded by vengeance and pain can see with clear eyes where true justice lies.
@DPV111
ReplyDeleteYes, people often say it's a fault of mine that I'm so idealistic.
I say that if nobody in this world is an idealist, we'll never get any better as people, so I might as well be one.
@Dusty the Royal Janitor
ReplyDeleteThe reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-George Bernard Shaw
Just to clarify for all my AC fans out there, "Requiescat in pace" is Latin, not Italian. Other than that, a pretty good read!
ReplyDeleteI can't wait for the next update D:> Because this is hands down my most favorite fanfic of all time. OF ALL. TIME.
ReplyDelete@DPV111
ReplyDeleteConsider me an unreasonable man, then. And proud of it :)
This chapter... Well I suppose I'm glad for this interlude. It's definately done some decent explaining on pretty much all of the plotholes that I mentioned, and it explains a lot of things that previously made no sense. Pretty much all but one of my past complaints have been quelched.
...I probably don't have to continue parroting which complaint that is. It's probably obvious.
Batman (or equivalent thereof) > Assassin
I still say it's more in character than Rainbow going around killing ponies. I'll admit that enough psychological convincing and effective hammering down on previous ideals (which is sorta what's happening here to Rainbow) can cause a person to change, but you do understand that this portrays Luna in a distinctly negative (and damn near evil) light here? Luna's basically tearing apart a lot of what Dash holds dear with what is coming dangerously close to psychological torture at this point. And the scary part is that it seems to be [i]working[/i].
Exactly who are we supposed to be rooting for here? Dash I suppose but are we supposed to agree with Luna's stance? That these ponies need to be killed? Stopped certainly, but do we really need an Assassin to do the job?
@Dusty the Royal Janitor
ReplyDeleteI think both Luna and Dash hope that while Dash is learning the skills of a super-assassin, Dash will be able to use those skills in a non-lethal manner to stop the Flames. Rainbow Dash becoming Batmare is basically the ideal outcome.
Star rating is 4.7 but this is still tagged as a Star 4 story.
ReplyDeleteYES, YES FINALLY!
ReplyDeleteEnjoying the story. But I'm just curious as to where Celestia is going to fit into this.
ReplyDelete1) An assassination attempt on her sister/death of several royal guards. She is going to want to get to the bottom of that, it isn't something anyone can say "Oh well I think that's all dealt with"
2) Twilight herself is missing, not even bothering to mention the 4 other Elements. Again, this is something Celestia would likely tear buildings down in her wake to sort out. Not just for Twilight herself, but for the security of Equestria as a whole.
Not liking how evasive Luna's being on the other ancestors. Something twisted is looming.
ReplyDeleteI WANT CHAPTER 12 I LOVE AC AND MLP SO MUCH GIVE ME MORE! :D
ReplyDeleteSo who made the new title-picture-thing?
ReplyDeleteHey, Zak. This is 4.7 stars. You should bug Seth about bumping the rating.
ReplyDeleteumm, this is taking a VERY long time to update.
ReplyDeletewhats taking you? i can wait, but it's nice to know why sometimes...
ALSO if you are ever in need of a pre-reader, i have a lot of free time, and nothing to do with it. and i'd love to pre-read if you are in need of some help...
YES! FINALY!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm extremely patient when it comes to story telling and plot development, as I like to enjoy the ride while it lasts, so when I tell you that this story is going way too slowly to the point of becoming boring, please listen. imo, you're focusing too much on the action and trivial details instead of the character interactions, which is what makes FiM so good to me. If I wanted to see an assassin fighting guards over and over again, I'd play AC2. It doesn't help that you're not mixing things up to make the fights more interesting or actually having Firefly assassinate somebody important like what an assassin actually does.
ReplyDeleteI love the concept and Firefly's interactions with the other guild members were good, so I've been faithful and kept reading hoping it will get better, but your storytelling priorities are way out of line.
Considering the next chapter should have her finally infiltrating the Gold Family's home, and possibly meeting Surprise, I'm not complaining about the pace.
ReplyDeleteThis story is rather interesting.
ReplyDeleteWhile I only played the first AC game (though I plan on getting back into it eventually), I am definitely getting into it. And yet, even though there is really no reason why, it has noticeably improved my opinion of Rainbow Dash. So, good job there, I suppose?
If this is the start of my life as an insomniac, then I welcome it!
ReplyDelete@Thar
ReplyDeleteI agree! I mean, who cares about finals, anyway?
And it would seem that something big is going to happen next chapter! I'm excited.
Hmm. I'm alright with the shorter more frequent chapter format.
ReplyDeleteEditing!
possibly never to see then again.
--- "then" should be "them"
just finished chapter 5 (i just got into this yesterday) and i may have a dirty mind but PLEASE tell me Posey dosent do what i think she does
ReplyDeleteTHANK CELESTIA im sorry but the way u wrote that Posey just gave Firefly a weird smile awakened some parts of my mind that need to stay asleep
ReplyDelete@jspang
ReplyDeleteAwakened some parts of your "mind"?
@jspang
ReplyDeletewhen I first read I thought she did poisons, like the apothecarries in AC2, but later you find out she just makes explosives.
I swear I hope you dont think shes a...prostitute.....
that would in no way be fitting to fluttershys ancestor.
yeah... i have a dirty mind :(
ReplyDeleteHmm. Globe of Elation? Stone sphere housing the element of Laughter?
ReplyDelete""enough to lose the affinity of is best tactician and""
--"is" should be "his"
great story you got going Zak TH. Keep it up.
ReplyDeleteLooks like this fic has new fanart in the Drawfriend.
ReplyDeleteThis is one of my favorite fanfics!
ReplyDeleteSo saw Suprise being Pinkie's Ancestor
ReplyDeleteIf the assassins sear the hoof, there's no pain. It's a giant fingernail. How the heck do you think people shoe horses, pounding nails into the hoof? And if the assassins sear the frog of the hoof, the actual skin, there's a pony that won't ever walk again.
ReplyDeleteI love all of you, my bronies, but how can you know so little about horses? It's almost like most of you were never horse-crazy little girls. :)
Oh, and hooves grow and wear down again. Pretty much like fingernails. They'd have to be searing hooves every month or so.
ReplyDeleteYou wouldn't want to brand a horse anywhere along the lower leg, either, because the tendons are so close to the skin and horses go lame so easily anyway. So don't get any bright ideas.
ReplyDeleteNow, tattoos would make sense. Tattoo inside the mouth, like they do with real pedigreed horses against stealing, or even a tattoo somewhere on the leg, if carefully done. A tattoo wouldn't wear off.
Great character chapter, few typos but nothing serious. Looking forward to next.
ReplyDeleteThis is definitely an eye-catcher.
ReplyDeleteAlthough, the occasional typo makes me groan.
Each chapter is more surprising than the last.
I luv assassins creed it is my favorite game right after fallout
ReplyDeleteChapter, why you so badass?
ReplyDeleteChapter, why you so cliffhanger?
This fic makes me yearn for longer chapters!
ReplyDeleteHope it's updated again soon, Assassins Creed and Ponies is a very strange cross but I love this nontheless.
This fic makes me yearn for longer chapters!
ReplyDeleteHope it's updated again soon, Assassins Creed and Ponies is a very strange cross but I love this nontheless.
Why does this still say a 4 star story when it the rating is 4.8? Shouldnt it be either a five star or 6 star?
ReplyDeleteis the writer still working on this??
ReplyDeletei don't know if it's done and im not going to read it until im certain it's done because otherwise i will need more of it and i can't bare to wait xD
ReplyDeleteFor anyone following this story, it is also on Fimfiction: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/3247/brotherhood-of-the-moon
ReplyDelete