• Story: Derpy's Bebop (Update Complete!)

    [Slice of Life][Shipping]

    Author: TrelaTyraelis
    Description: A journey inside Ditzy's mind, dealing with something she had never experienced before.
    Derpy's Bebop (New part 4!)
     


    Additional Tags: D'aaaww ; Love; Tree hitting; mistakes

    55 comments:

    1. I haven't even read it yet and that picture is making me shed manly tears...

      ReplyDelete
    2. -snicker- Tree hitting. x3 -reads-

      ReplyDelete
    3. I second Roman's opinion,

      D'AAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

      ReplyDelete
    4. *reads*
      *blink*
      I read it somewhere. But where?

      ReplyDelete
    5. Huh? I've definitely read this before.

      ReplyDelete
    6. It's good to see this finally getting the spotlight it deserves. It's a very cute romance story; it deserved better than being jammed together with everything else in the April Friend-Off.

      ReplyDelete
    7. Derpy is best pony. I love absolutely every incarnation of her from super genius to mentally handicapped, from dedicated mail mare to muffin loving pyro.

      This was a pretty solid fic, a short little romance with a touch of angst. I gave it 4 stars.

      ReplyDelete
    8. Rather short, but I enjoyed reading it. 4 stars.

      ReplyDelete
    9. Gets a 5-star from me. This unexplored territory is awesome. Rather short, but still deserving of a 5-star. No typos or grammatical errors. And good.

      Rare combination indeed!

      ReplyDelete
    10. After reading this story, one thing popped into my head:

      Leave Ditzy ALOOONE! Leave her alone! *sob* She is a HUMAN BEI- I mean she is a PONY!

      Good read.

      ReplyDelete
    11. cool cool cool cool, thats right you sir get 4-Cools

      ReplyDelete
    12. Ah don't read a lot of fanfic...

      But Derpy shipping that ends up on ED is always so sweet...

      Ah'll give ya authors another shot ah guess...

      ReplyDelete
    13. Good work. I'm glad you polished it more. It really stands as a cute, short, but touching little story.

      ReplyDelete
    14. Heh. Indeed, its very nice to see this again. And its as adorable as it was back then.

      ReplyDelete
    15. Can't anyone write at least ONE fanfic with Derpy which doesn't have the tags ''sad''?

      ReplyDelete
    16. @Lolzorzs

      Nnnnnnope.

      ReplyDelete
    17. @LoLZorZs
      No, because no matter what, you'll feel sorry for her.

      Ah don't pity her, it's just a feelin' of empathy for another sentient creature's pain and unhappiness.

      ReplyDelete
    18. This story is simple but very good, with plausible characterization. I'm even willing to overlook the use of (*Gasp!...Rarity faints*) real-world profanity from Ditzy, considering the passion level of that scene.

      It felt like it could use some...how do I put this into words...tweaking? Polishing?

      The grammar/syntax/etc are great, but the narrative style - not WHAT was told, but HOW it was told - felt like it could improve.

      Not by much, mind you - I have read FAR worse fiction, to be sure.

      All in all, I give this an eager 4, which would be a 4.5 if only t'were possible.

      Thanks for an enjoyable read!

      ReplyDelete
    19. How come Derpy fics with sad tags are always the best fics?

      ReplyDelete
    20. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mxaA-bJ35s
      Oh Ditzy Doo
      Oh Ditzy Doo
      Oh Ditzy Doo
      Oh Ditzy Doo, baby I love you!
      Still rhymes!

      ReplyDelete
    21. That was actually really interesting. It definitely felt like it could have been fleshed out a bit more, but for a sweet short it had a lot going for it.

      ReplyDelete
    22. Lose the sad tag, this doesn't need it.

      ReplyDelete
    23. @Marrock
      This need a whole new tag!
      TWISTED!

      ReplyDelete
    24. If you get knocked out it's normally only for a few seconds. After a few minutes you'd suffer brain damage, and after a few hours (as in the story), odds are you wouldn't wake up.

      ReplyDelete
    25. Make this story to a series. The romance between Blue And Derpy/Ditzy is pretty good. I'd like to see more in the future.

      ReplyDelete
    26. @genisis22100

      I don't know if it will ever happen.
      I mean, i wrote half the story in a rush, ot really knowing what i was writing, just kept doing it until my wrist started hurting. you know that feeling, when you think you're just being used by something you have absolutely no control on? as if i was just a puppet and something was guiding my hand. And anyway I don't really think continuing the story would work, it would just get too clichè. Sure, Out In The Cold was a hell of a fic and the sequels were even better... but i really don't know. maybe i'll wake up one morning and i'll try to submit a 10000+ words story of something else, maybe I'll never write about ponies again.

      ReplyDelete
    27. *joins the chorus of "D'awwwwwwwww"*

      ReplyDelete
    28. Oh Celestia I loved it. 5*

      ReplyDelete
    29. Why's sad tag? This was so cute and sweet.

      ReplyDelete
    30. I had "The Real Folk Blues" stuck in my head the entire time I was reading it.

      ReplyDelete
    31. ddddaaaaaawwwww
      how sweet
      It was the right balance between sadness and hapiness also it was short but this story has the right length
      I hope you keep writting
      ps: good interpretacion of Ditzy Doo it was believable

      ReplyDelete
    32. this made me D'aaaawwww :( its touching though, that should be a tag instead of sad. [Touching] lol, should ask for that, hardly any of the [Sad] I read is actually sad, its mostly just heart touching. This was very well written. I commend you :) any more of this maybe?

      ReplyDelete
    33. Thanks to everyone who has read it! I hope you d'awwwed as much as I did :D

      About the sequel... I might do it, but I'd whave do work Hard on it. I'd want it to be at the same level of this one.

      ReplyDelete
    34. Alright since ED ate my comment...

      I rate this story 3/5 stars. Here is my reasoning. Imagine you're a brand new reader here on ED and you read this fic. There is almost no background or descriptions of the characters. Without the background there is little motivation or emotional connection to the characters. Without that emotional connection all the actions of the characters will feel forced. Which they did.

      This fell under the category of generic shipfic to me. As it stands there isn't much to take away from this. It follows these generic guidelines.

      1. Hi!
      2. Hello!
      3. I think I'm in love!
      4. Me too!
      5. (Insert love Scene)

      Seemed like there could've been some better paragraph flow as well. Even in the very beginning I have to wonder why we are given a comment line by Blue and then he is entirely ignored. No descriptions of the character to be found. Hell if I didn't *assume* blue was a pony that had some sort of blueish mane I wouldn't know what to imagine.

      Setting also leaves much to be desired. So alright it's a story, but it's just bland. You've got the recipe but no spice. It just needs more work to reach that 4 and 5 stars.

      Keeping in mind that to me 3/5 is generous since I'd like to encourage writing and not shoot somepony down.

      ReplyDelete
    35. @Anonymous
      Thanks for the COOL constructive critcic on the STORY,BRO!

      ReplyDelete
    36. @Anonymous

      I'm tempted to agree. Particularly in the case of Blues, who is such a background character that it can be hard to remember who he is if you know who he is.

      ReplyDelete
    37. I've started writing the plot for the sequel... chances are it's gonna be way longer than this one.
      Let's just hope it's good .

      ReplyDelete
    38. >By Celestia it was heavy. It was the new brass saxophone Blues had ordered one month before. His father’s sax, the one he had been using for all these years, had been growing rusty and (...)

      -Wait ? New brass saxophone ? ...this seem oddly familliar somehow... I could swear I read that somewhere before...

      Did this story came out on DA or Fanfiction before going on Google Doc ?

      ReplyDelete
    39. @Nova25
      Ahhhhh... riiiight... : http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/05/april-friend-off-submission-post-36.html (after a bit of search)
      ...last April's friend-off.

      I had almost forgot.

      Well... Interesting story back then, and still today. Now it has it's own voting page. ;)

      ReplyDelete
    40. Ok, I don't think i'm going to write a sequel.

      ReplyDelete
    41. Not gonna lie; i started to listen to yellowcards when you're through thinking say yes album and left it on shuffle while reading this

      my reaction: D'AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

      ReplyDelete
    42. I... I think this is now headcanon.

      ReplyDelete
    43. Glrk! An epilogue! More headcanon!

      ReplyDelete
    44. The epilogue leaves something to be desired but otherwise I enjoyed it :3

      "He didn’t really know what to play, but instead surrendered to the ocean of notes that was inside him, and started playing a song he thought as appropriate to the moment."

      I seriously wish I could do something like that when I'm playing piano, you have no idea.

      ReplyDelete
    45. I like them both. Since I had to come back here and type something up. So here is my note like it's going on the back of a book?

      "A well thought through story that is very plausible and leaves one with a grin on their face even after the story has ended. This is a very enjoyable story that will leave the reader wondering about the future of Ditzy and Blue." *nods*

      ReplyDelete
    46. @trelatyraelis

      Today's the day I tell "shut up!" to my past self.

      Part three is coming. Part 4 is going to take more time, since I've already got some ideas and I have already written some pages, but they're in italian, so... it's gonna take a while. I'm writing any time I can find, mostly in english(good for you people and good for me, I don't have to translate it!) but as always, It's going to take time to get to the final product. I like to boast and tell myself "hey! you 're starting to write betten in english than in your own damn language!", but the truth of the matter is that my wording, at least in the drafts, is awkard sometimes. Still, I'm doing it for myself and you people (and the fact of being the first foreign writer of a 6 star story is quite inviting too). Keep on waiting and I hope you liked the small changes I made for Derpy's Bebop 1, which quite frankly really needed some fixing.

      {Trela}

      ReplyDelete