Author: Almost Romantic
Description: Pain is never static-it comes in many forms, and infiltrates one's heart without relent. It can move one to do incredible things, both good and bad. What the ponies don't realize, however, is that love can do much the same.Ripples
Additional Tags: Sad, But Gets Better Later.
16 comments:
The description, the author, the tags...
ReplyDeleteThis feels like the start of a huge troll.
@NinesTempest
ReplyDeleteagreed
Spike is gonna be a man.
ReplyDeleteHow this got past the pre-readers I'll never know (Until I become one and learn of a secret conspiracy or something o3o)
ReplyDeleteEverything moved way to quickly, It'd be believeable maybe if it was only AppleDash, though i suppose that would completely destroy the plot.
*shrug*
It... seems pretty fast the first two chapters but it's okay after that. Not much emotional build up but it's not that rushed compared to a LOT of fics that get posted here.
ReplyDeleteRandom-ass antagonist appearance is random.
It was rushed at first because I needed an excuse to get the characters shipped together... But, mostly, it was because I was just in a mopey sort of mood. I dunno.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the concrit, though. Most people only go with the general "Oh, it's good." and leave it at that. *Facepalm*
It has promise, I just feel it went too fast..
ReplyDeletePacing, its what I'm good at.
Or else i'd never finish that 3k XD
well this is certainly... interesting... just wow... i will certainly be following this closely! 5 stars!
ReplyDeleteMmmmm. It isn't really sad...the writing didn't impact me all that well.
ReplyDeleteAlso the shipping segment sorta went like a flashbang. Little build-up, just *boom* ponies making out, then peters off...
I won't star it. I don't believe in quantifying a complex opinion into a single number.
@Almost Romantic
ReplyDeleteC'mere, lemme 'splain somethin' to ya.
When you write a ship fic...
the buildup to the relationship is the most important part.
The flow of romantic tension is what you're banking on, so do not under ANY circumstances rush that.
@Anon:
ReplyDeleteWell, I wasn't even sure that I was going to continue with the story until I actually started typing. Y'see, I do pretty much everything on a whim when I write. 95% of the time, I don't know what's going to happen next in my own story. I know it's not a good habit to have, but still. It works out okay in the end.
However, with this part of the story, I know where I'm going with it (although, I actually just came up with it about 30 seconds ago) and it'll be more... romantic tension-y as I get the main story moving.
It'll work out.
I hope. :P
Damn, this could be something... if only it weren't so rushed
ReplyDeleteThe beginning is best described with lots of exclamation marks: Suddenly! Appledash! Alright, I'll buy it, not like you can't cut the tension between them with a knife anyway.
ALSO! Rarimac! Wait, where did that come from? And why did it feel like a post-it note hastily slapped on the bottom of the previous ship?
BAM! Switch to Luna - who seems to have severe issues (punishing herself for...staying up past her bedtime. As a goddess. A NIGHT goddess. Ooookaaay.) - NO WAIT back to the mane cast! RARITY PONYNAPPED! Adventure hook! Billy Mays here, call now or SOMEONE WILL DIE!
You really don't have to get it all done in less than twenty pages, you know?
@Almost Romantic
ReplyDelete"Y'see, I do pretty much everything on a whim when I write."
And there we have the problem. PROTIP: Good writers, professional or not, don't do that. To bastardise Heine, writing a book is a bit like having a kid- you just know that if it's done too early, it's gonna be one ugly trainwreck.
Well, it's my style to jump back-and-forth some. There might (will) be parts with a few paragraphs here, a few paragraphs there, a full page here. It's just my thing. When I was writing it, I didn't really realize how bad I did it, but this is one of my worst about jumping back-and-forth: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7061764/1/House_Calls
ReplyDeleteIt's just another one of my bad habits. I'll see if I can keep from doing it quite as much in the future...
Some 'people' are pretty quick to judge harshly, based on very little but tags and description, or the size of the story ?
ReplyDeleteA story doesn't need 20 Parts, and be 3000 words each, to be good or interesting.
Sharing sad moments can bring people together, so why not ponies too ? This is a believable point.
>"If I can handle modeling for Rarity," Big Macintosh countered, "Then you can tell me what it is."
-This too is a valid point ;)
>It read: You have what I need. I have what you want. Something tells me that we can hammer out some sort of deal.
-Well... this does come from nowhere... and ''>written in blood'' ? Really ?
>Twilight's shock turned to horror as she read through the short note.
>"Does the note say anything else?" She asked
-Humm ? Didn't she just read the note ? (Twilight does know that sheets of paper have 2 sides, right ?)
...and after Part4, it shall become a Pirate Story with Captain Luna ;) (not really, but *Luna on a Galleon, going for a mysterious Island* does sound like it could be a funny story on its own)
Huh. Interesting. Maybe a little fast paced for my tastes but still brilliant.
ReplyDelete4/5.