Author: TrelaTyraelis
Description: A journey inside Ditzy's mind, dealing with something she had never experienced before.Derpy's Bebop (New part 4!)
Additional Tags: D'aaaww ; Love; Tree hitting; mistakes
Description: A journey inside Ditzy's mind, dealing with something she had never experienced before.Derpy's Bebop (New part 4!)
56 comments:
I haven't even read it yet and that picture is making me shed manly tears...
I have to read this ;_;
D'aaawwwwwwwwwwwww
-snicker- Tree hitting. x3 -reads-
I second Roman's opinion,
D'AAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
*reads*
*blink*
I read it somewhere. But where?
Huh? I've definitely read this before.
D'AWWW
It's good to see this finally getting the spotlight it deserves. It's a very cute romance story; it deserved better than being jammed together with everything else in the April Friend-Off.
Derpy is best pony. I love absolutely every incarnation of her from super genius to mentally handicapped, from dedicated mail mare to muffin loving pyro.
This was a pretty solid fic, a short little romance with a touch of angst. I gave it 4 stars.
Rather short, but I enjoyed reading it. 4 stars.
Gets a 5-star from me. This unexplored territory is awesome. Rather short, but still deserving of a 5-star. No typos or grammatical errors. And good.
Rare combination indeed!
After reading this story, one thing popped into my head:
Leave Ditzy ALOOONE! Leave her alone! *sob* She is a HUMAN BEI- I mean she is a PONY!
Good read.
cool cool cool cool, thats right you sir get 4-Cools
Loved it, short and sweet!
Ah don't read a lot of fanfic...
But Derpy shipping that ends up on ED is always so sweet...
Ah'll give ya authors another shot ah guess...
Good work. I'm glad you polished it more. It really stands as a cute, short, but touching little story.
Heh. Indeed, its very nice to see this again. And its as adorable as it was back then.
Can't anyone write at least ONE fanfic with Derpy which doesn't have the tags ''sad''?
@Lolzorzs
Nnnnnnope.
@LoLZorZs
No, because no matter what, you'll feel sorry for her.
Ah don't pity her, it's just a feelin' of empathy for another sentient creature's pain and unhappiness.
This story is simple but very good, with plausible characterization. I'm even willing to overlook the use of (*Gasp!...Rarity faints*) real-world profanity from Ditzy, considering the passion level of that scene.
It felt like it could use some...how do I put this into words...tweaking? Polishing?
The grammar/syntax/etc are great, but the narrative style - not WHAT was told, but HOW it was told - felt like it could improve.
Not by much, mind you - I have read FAR worse fiction, to be sure.
All in all, I give this an eager 4, which would be a 4.5 if only t'were possible.
Thanks for an enjoyable read!
How come Derpy fics with sad tags are always the best fics?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mxaA-bJ35s
Oh Ditzy Doo
Oh Ditzy Doo
Oh Ditzy Doo
Oh Ditzy Doo, baby I love you!
Still rhymes!
That was actually really interesting. It definitely felt like it could have been fleshed out a bit more, but for a sweet short it had a lot going for it.
Lose the sad tag, this doesn't need it.
@Marrock
This need a whole new tag!
TWISTED!
If you get knocked out it's normally only for a few seconds. After a few minutes you'd suffer brain damage, and after a few hours (as in the story), odds are you wouldn't wake up.
Make this story to a series. The romance between Blue And Derpy/Ditzy is pretty good. I'd like to see more in the future.
Dawww'd
@genisis22100
I don't know if it will ever happen.
I mean, i wrote half the story in a rush, ot really knowing what i was writing, just kept doing it until my wrist started hurting. you know that feeling, when you think you're just being used by something you have absolutely no control on? as if i was just a puppet and something was guiding my hand. And anyway I don't really think continuing the story would work, it would just get too clichè. Sure, Out In The Cold was a hell of a fic and the sequels were even better... but i really don't know. maybe i'll wake up one morning and i'll try to submit a 10000+ words story of something else, maybe I'll never write about ponies again.
*joins the chorus of "D'awwwwwwwww"*
@LoLZorZs There's plenty! Try Adventures in Cake-Making.
I liked it.
Oh Celestia I loved it. 5*
Why's sad tag? This was so cute and sweet.
So cuuuute x3
I had "The Real Folk Blues" stuck in my head the entire time I was reading it.
ddddaaaaaawwwww
how sweet
It was the right balance between sadness and hapiness also it was short but this story has the right length
I hope you keep writting
ps: good interpretacion of Ditzy Doo it was believable
this made me D'aaaawwww :( its touching though, that should be a tag instead of sad. [Touching] lol, should ask for that, hardly any of the [Sad] I read is actually sad, its mostly just heart touching. This was very well written. I commend you :) any more of this maybe?
Thanks to everyone who has read it! I hope you d'awwwed as much as I did :D
About the sequel... I might do it, but I'd whave do work Hard on it. I'd want it to be at the same level of this one.
Alright since ED ate my comment...
I rate this story 3/5 stars. Here is my reasoning. Imagine you're a brand new reader here on ED and you read this fic. There is almost no background or descriptions of the characters. Without the background there is little motivation or emotional connection to the characters. Without that emotional connection all the actions of the characters will feel forced. Which they did.
This fell under the category of generic shipfic to me. As it stands there isn't much to take away from this. It follows these generic guidelines.
1. Hi!
2. Hello!
3. I think I'm in love!
4. Me too!
5. (Insert love Scene)
Seemed like there could've been some better paragraph flow as well. Even in the very beginning I have to wonder why we are given a comment line by Blue and then he is entirely ignored. No descriptions of the character to be found. Hell if I didn't *assume* blue was a pony that had some sort of blueish mane I wouldn't know what to imagine.
Setting also leaves much to be desired. So alright it's a story, but it's just bland. You've got the recipe but no spice. It just needs more work to reach that 4 and 5 stars.
Keeping in mind that to me 3/5 is generous since I'd like to encourage writing and not shoot somepony down.
@Anonymous
Thanks for the COOL constructive critcic on the STORY,BRO!
@Anonymous
I'm tempted to agree. Particularly in the case of Blues, who is such a background character that it can be hard to remember who he is if you know who he is.
I've started writing the plot for the sequel... chances are it's gonna be way longer than this one.
Let's just hope it's good .
>By Celestia it was heavy. It was the new brass saxophone Blues had ordered one month before. His father’s sax, the one he had been using for all these years, had been growing rusty and (...)
-Wait ? New brass saxophone ? ...this seem oddly familliar somehow... I could swear I read that somewhere before...
Did this story came out on DA or Fanfiction before going on Google Doc ?
@Nova25
Ahhhhh... riiiight... : http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/05/april-friend-off-submission-post-36.html (after a bit of search)
...last April's friend-off.
I had almost forgot.
Well... Interesting story back then, and still today. Now it has it's own voting page. ;)
Ok, I don't think i'm going to write a sequel.
Not gonna lie; i started to listen to yellowcards when you're through thinking say yes album and left it on shuffle while reading this
my reaction: D'AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
I... I think this is now headcanon.
Glrk! An epilogue! More headcanon!
The epilogue leaves something to be desired but otherwise I enjoyed it :3
"He didn’t really know what to play, but instead surrendered to the ocean of notes that was inside him, and started playing a song he thought as appropriate to the moment."
I seriously wish I could do something like that when I'm playing piano, you have no idea.
Beautiful
I've had this queued to read for a couple months and finally got to read it. My only complaint was that it was so short and I feel like there needs to be some sort of continuation.
What makes it even better is if you read the first one with this song playing in the background: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCmJ6NP4vSA
5 stars from me good sir.
I like them both. Since I had to come back here and type something up. So here is my note like it's going on the back of a book?
"A well thought through story that is very plausible and leaves one with a grin on their face even after the story has ended. This is a very enjoyable story that will leave the reader wondering about the future of Ditzy and Blue." *nods*
@trelatyraelis
Today's the day I tell "shut up!" to my past self.
Part three is coming. Part 4 is going to take more time, since I've already got some ideas and I have already written some pages, but they're in italian, so... it's gonna take a while. I'm writing any time I can find, mostly in english(good for you people and good for me, I don't have to translate it!) but as always, It's going to take time to get to the final product. I like to boast and tell myself "hey! you 're starting to write betten in english than in your own damn language!", but the truth of the matter is that my wording, at least in the drafts, is awkard sometimes. Still, I'm doing it for myself and you people (and the fact of being the first foreign writer of a 6 star story is quite inviting too). Keep on waiting and I hope you liked the small changes I made for Derpy's Bebop 1, which quite frankly really needed some fixing.
{Trela}
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