• Story: Pale Cocoon

    [Crossover]

    Author: Inky Notebook
    Description: Long ago, ponies once lived upon the surface of the planet. The archived records are all that remain of that world. Ponies have long forgotten the greens and blues that Equestria used to be. Living day to day in a metal world, one pony seeks to gather the truth. As a member of the Excavation Department, Antiquity's job is to dig up records of what Equestria used to be before the Princesses departed. But will those records lead to answers or just more questions?
    Pale Cocoon

    Additional Tags: Melancholy, post apocalyptic, crossover, hope, one shot

    34 comments:

    1. Seems possibly familiar...what is this crossed-over with?

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    2. @Princess Luna I was just about to ask the same thing.
      Seems interesting from the description.

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    3. Doesn't sound like my kinda story, but I wanted to comment on the awesome picture.

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    4. All I know is that it's pretty interesting so far, from where I got to. I haven't heard of this pony before, so it's a nice change of pace from what I have been reading.

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    5. Seems verrry similar to the city of ember just with ponies and possibly a bit of the giver? With that mention of forgotten colors?

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    6. Probably based off of the anime of the same name. I remember it was an interesting story, albeit short.

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    7. I think I'd like it if there was an extra field on crossover posts saying what they're crossed over with. Just seems like it would be helpful for people trying to find it via Google etc.

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    8. @The_Owl Yes it would be nice if we would know what exactly we're reading since there are too many series with similar plot lines, characters, etc.

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    9. this reminded me of the City of Ember, especially since i just recently watched the movie.

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    10. This was a nice read, but there wasn't that much that really made it "Pony."

      I mean, other than the inclusion of Luna, Celly and Spitfire (who were all pretty incidental) it really just seemed like a scene for scene remake with Ponies instead of people.

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    11. @TenchiFreak5 Is there anything wrong with that? *questioning look*

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    12. This crosses over with a 30 minute anime short called "Pale Cocoon".

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    13. @PinkiePie Where did you see it? There are a couple anime channels I haven't gotten with Furizon Fios.

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    14. As far as I know it's never been released in the Western Hemisphere, thought apparently it's available on Crunchyroll.

      http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/encyclopedia/anime.php?id=6352

      It really is very good, I get goosebumps just thinking about it.

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    15. This...was entirely unexpected. I never thought I would see a crossover with Pale Cocoon. This is a fairly obscure crossover though, and I think there should be a tag indicating what it's a crossover with.

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    16. Better writing than expected, but the flippancy in some of the language undermines the dreary atmosphere... at least, I think you were going for dreary.
      Otherwise, I havnt really seen the show, so I dont know what else to think about this.

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    17. Okay, watching Pale Cocoon, and its kindve irritating me how much was just directly copied with all the names changed. I wouldnt mind that so much, but there is so much atmosphere in the short that your own work seems to be lacking. Your actual words, where you take up writing the scenery and actions, is so gentle. Calm. Peaceful. It makes the heavy moments kinder, without the tension of the original.
      I dont know if that was where you wanted to go with this at all, but to me, you've added nothing to the original work, only taken from it.

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    18. Hearing all the complaints about how this is a direct copy/paste job, I'm not sure if I'm willing to read it. Perhaps later.

      Also, I'm almost positive the only reason this got in as it has is because no one knows what the hell this is crossed over with, probably not even the prereaders. Not saying it's bad, as I haven't even read it yet, but I'm pretty sure just ripping a story and adding ponies isn't even allowed on this site.

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    19. @The Grey Potter


      I tried to keep the words of the original because of how hard hitting they ended up being to me. I wrote my own rendition of the story around them and how I pictured it. I was going to write more of the history of what happened to Celetia and Luna but I felt that a long winded history lesson in the middle of things might be a bit annoying. Another commenter said they are wary about reading it because of people saying it's a copy past job which it's not. The words are the words that are spoken and everything around it was carefully considered so I could, in theory, portray the weight that the story brought with it.

      If people still feel that it's very "copy, paste", I will gladly go back over it, edit it and add to it. My intentions here were only to share with you a story that I found very emotional.

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    20. This description didn't really make me want to read the fanfic, but rather, watch the anime. And I did. Some things were a bit... strange, but it actually has my respect. As for the fanfic, it's just a reskin.

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    21. @Inky Notebook
      The strict adherence is what makes it copy/paste. Striving for total accuracy is what makes this feel empty, like theres nothing else to it. Its much easier to watch the original than to try and read a doctored representation of it.
      Adding and subtracting bits to it is not going to alter the main point of your story, which is only to transcribe. What would make this work for me is to look beyond the story, see the other tales that werent told, go further into unexplained aspects. Engage with the work and see where you feel you can contribute. The history lesson could have been that, an exploration of this world, and understanding it through the eyes of ponies.

      If anything, you have suceeded in one thing. You have stirred intrest in the original, bringing an obscure and touching work to light. But its not because you wrote about it vividly or captured the world and its weight. It would take crazy amount of skill to do that, and while you're a pretty good writer, I dont think you were up to this. You're too relaxed and straightforward. Too gentle.

      It was a good try. I hope you keep writing, because this was a very good try.

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    22. @The Grey Potter

      I'll be editing this work and hopefully bring out that missing aspect.


      I don't exactly understand what you mean when I say I'm too relaxed and gentle. Could you elaborate?

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    23. @Inky Notebook
      I can, but do you want me to dump the whole conversation in the comments section? If you want, I can help you work out issues via email or IM.

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    24. @ScoopicusI've done quite a lot of editing since it went up. I hope that it has become and will become a better rendition of the story.

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    25. I have, as of yet, not seen a single Matrix crossover.

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    26. Hmmm, this could be interesting. I thoroughly enjoyed "Pale Cocoon" as well as "Eve no Jikan" and "Mizu no Kotoba", also by Yasuhiro Yoshiura. All of these films were exceptional (in my opinion) and provoked a wealth of emotions within me while watching them. I would highly recommend them. I like that the author chose a more obscure piece for the crossover and I look forward to reading how well the two mesh together.

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    27. @The Grey Potter


      Hey I don't know if you'll get this or not but if you wouldn't mind shooting me an email, I have a question to ask!

      InkyNotebook@gmail.com

      Thanks :)

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