• Story: The Struggle for Power (Update Chapter 8+9!)

    [Adventure][Progressively Grimdark] Massive Update!

    Author: Scribbles
    Description: Princess Luna decides to leave Equestria, forever. She takes the moon
    and night with her, throwing the natural order of things into chaos. But a
    little investigation shows that Luna is about to carry out a plot devised
    long ago with a dark purpose.
    The Struggle for Power Chapter 1: The Grievance
    The Struggle for Power Chapter 2: The Division Decision
    The Struggle for Power Chapter 3: Bloody Ponies, they drive Twilight to Drink
    The Struggle for Power Chapter 4: Oracle of Time and Devourer of Baked Goods 
    The Struggle For Power Chapter 5: Sharp Words and Sharper Wings
    The Struggle For Power Chapter 6: Too bad ponies don't have Google Translate
    The Struggle For Power Chapter 7: The God of Stars and Vengeance
    The Struggle For Power Chapter 8: Celestia's Plot Revealed  (New!)
    The Struggle For Power Chapter 9: A Memory Bubble Within a Memory Bubble  (New!)

    Additional Tags: A hidden plot of vengance

    72 comments:

    1. why are there so many evil luna stories :''C

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    2. 8000000, here comes.

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    3. After a millenia in the moon, I won't be surprised if she has an incredibly intricate plan for revenge.

      8,000,000!!!!
      Truly, this is one of the fandom's finest hours

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    4. Wait until we can say OVER NINE MILLION.

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    5. @ZAquanimus Late? Or maybe were still in the moon and it's not managing to get here.

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    6. @Anonymous which could just as easily be stated; over nine thousand thousand!

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    7. An Interesting read,like to see where it goes

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    8. I'm enjoying where this is going so far. I hope to see more of it soon.

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    9. This story needs more work.

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    10. This one's very fascinating. They BLEED. You have my attention.

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    11. @lainofthewired

      Indeed, very interesting! Caught my attention as well!

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    12. @ZAquanimus Because evil Luna is the best Luna :)

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    13. @TGPFluttershy Her original plan upon returning wasn't exactly creative.

      "Hey guise, I'm back after a millennium. I know I probably had a lot of time to think and plan, but I'm just gonna go do what I tried to do last time, k? k."

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    14. That title for the third chapter...

      Wasn't expecting medication/potions in that kind of matter...

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    15. >Read 3rd chapter's title
      >Obvious assumption is obvious
      >...
      >Finish reading
      Oh, you! I see what u did thar. Keep up the (amazing) story.

      Conniving Luna is best Luna.

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    16. *sees [Normal] tag*

      *reads through to end of fourth chapter*

      Wait... what?

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    17. Well, I'm very interested. This is a novel explanation for the cartoon-ier elements of the show, and I'm looking forward to seeing how the cast holds up against what we might call 'real life' problems. Two (small) complaints, since you asked for them (SPOILERS!):

      Dash is gonna be dead within a week? Really? Why's it always have to be Dash, huh? That poor pony just can't get a break, it's like there's some unspoken agreement among authors that if somepony needs to be battered or broken or killed, it'll be Dash. I'm really hoping Derpy messed up on that prediction somehow (or was lying, since she knew that by lying she would make Dash act in a way that would bring about the future she saw where Dash survived, which...ow, my head!)

      I wish you hadn't used that '10% of our brains' line. It's not true, it never has been, and it's a real pet peeve of mine when people cite it as if it were true. I suppose I can write it off as 'PONIES only use 10%,' but it still annoyed me when I saw that.

      But as I said, those are minor quibbles. Keep writing, I'm looking forward to future chapters!

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    18. To be honest. I haven't read past the second part of the story. The arguments presented made me cringe. I was already leery from reading the first part, and the second part confirmed my fears.

      “Twilight Sparkle, you are quite the studious one, aren’t you? Then you must also know that if a population grows too large, it will extinguish itself like a candle that consumes all the oxygen in its container.”

      That's like aurguing cars don't need breaks. They'll stop when they hit something.

      This one is a jem. “No, you are quite right, Applejack. However, you’ve also seen how dark it is in some parts of the Everfree forest, correct? Well, plants grow there too. Edible plants, even. You see, life is a versatile thing. Sure, the comfort of the belly might be tested, but I believe that enough food could be found in either extreme, eternal day or eternal night.”

      Turns out that photosynthesis doesn't need light to work, and that the underside of the forest canopy is exactly as dark as the night.

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    19. @Chris

      I agree with the "10% of our brain" myth being garbage. Here's what Wikipedia says on the subject:

      Neurologist Barry Gordon describes the myth as laughably false, adding, "we use virtually every part of the brain, and that [most of] the brain is active almost all the time".[1] Neuroscientist Barry Beyerstein sets out seven kinds of evidence refuting the ten percent myth:[8]

      Studies of brain damage: If 90% of the brain is normally unused, then damage to these areas should not impair performance. Instead, there is almost no area of the brain that can be damaged without loss of abilities. Even slight damage to small areas of the brain can have profound effects.

      Evolution: The brain is enormously costly to the rest of the body, in terms of oxygen and nutrient consumption. It can require up to twenty percent of the body's energy--more than any other organ--despite making up only 2% of the human body by weight.[9][10] If 90% of it were unnecessary, there would be a large survival advantage to humans with smaller, more efficient brains. If this were true, the process of natural selection would have eliminated the inefficient brains. By the same token, it is also highly unlikely that a brain with so much redundant matter would have evolved in the first place.

      Brain imaging: Technologies such as Positron Emission Tomography (PET) and functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) allow the activity of the living brain to be monitored. They reveal that even during sleep, all parts of the brain show some level of activity. Only in the case of serious damage does a brain have "silent" areas.

      Localization of function: Rather than acting as a single mass, the brain has distinct regions for different kinds of information processing. Decades of research has gone into mapping functions onto areas of the brain, and no function-less areas have been found.

      Microstructural analysis: In the single-unit recording technique, researchers insert a tiny electrode into the brain to monitor the activity of a single cell. If 90% of cells were unused, then this technique would have revealed that.

      Metabolic studies: Another scientific technique involves studying the take-up of radioactively labelled 2-deoxyglucose molecules by the brain. If 90 percent of the brain were inactive, then those inactive cells would show up as blank areas in a radiograph of the brain. Again, there is no such result.

      Neural disease: Brain cells that are not used have a tendency to degenerate. Hence if 90% of the brain were inactive, autopsy of adult brains would reveal large-scale degeneration.

      Another evolutionary argument would be to consider that given the historical risks of death in childbirth associated with the high brain size and therefore skull size of humans [11] there would be a strong selection pressure against such a large brain size if, as the myth claimed, only 10% was actually in use. The risk of death is an evolutionary trade off against the gains in functionality of increased brain size.

      In the October 27, 2010 episode of MythBusters, the hosts used magnetoencephalography and functional magnetic resonance imaging to scan the brain of someone taking a complicated mental task. Finding that well over 10% was active at once, they declared the myth "busted".

      Link:
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/10%25_of_brain_myth

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    20. I think you guys are kinda missing the point. Sure, the science may not be completely accurate, but the story isn't trying to be the be-all, end-all for scientific explanations of how Equestria works. It's just trying to tell a good story, and doing that very well.

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    21. Part 1: Interesting start...
      Part 2: Woah... alternate evil mirror world... reminding me of one of the Silent Hill games, is this getting Grimdark?
      Part 3: Cartoon ponies learning the concept of blood and death -- Silent Hill meets Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Neat!
      Part 4: Dirpy and Dr Whooves? WHAT??!
      MFW http://ponibooru.413chan.net/post/view/14579

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    22. @Anonymous

      Its not that the science is wrong. Its that the author seems to be progressing the story along by dropping logic bombs without realizing it. It doesn't really damage the story that much, but they do pop up. The "ponies don't know what blood is but everyone who isn't a pony does" is another similar one.


      I've enjoyed this story so far regardless of the above complaints. Though with Chapter 4 out of the way, I'm kind of at a loss about what I should be expecting from it.

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    23. Alright I'm liking this story. Bit of a problem though in Chapter 1. It clearly states here that "The four friends met up in the center of Ponyville"
      assuming Twi, AJ, RD, Fluttershy. Then in the following scene when the ponies enter the castle to meet Luna it mentions, "When they finally got inside, the three Ponyvillian ponies gasped."

      Not a big deal, but it completely sent me for a loop since I thought maybe you'd forgotten about Fluttershy. You continue on as if all four are there so I'm guessing a typo.

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    24. @Anonymous
      The "three" is referring to Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy. Twilight Sparkle is from Canterlot.

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    25. @Marrock: Yeah I should probably change that to [Adventure] / [Slightly Grimdark]

      @Chris: I'm not going to spoil anything, but don't worry about Rainbow Dash. She's my favorite of the Mane 6, and there's no way she'll be thrown away so easily. And the reason why everyone picks on her is because she can take it.

      @Chris/@Ironlenny: As far as the 10% of our brain thing, I actually knew that it was wrong before I put it in the story. I even visited that Wikipedia page you posted Ironlenny (perhaps just a link would have sufficed) and decided that though it was wrong, it fit in the story and got the point I was trying to make across. So yeah, let's say it's 10% of a pony's mind, because after all, they're telekinetic, which has to say something about their brainpower.

      @Anonymous: For the Three Ponyvillian thing, yeah, second anonymous got it right. I could have been more clear, but I was saying that Twilight, having come from Canterlot, was kind of used to elaborate-ness whereas those who had lived in Ponyville their entire lives are used to more simple architecture.

      Again, thank you everyone for reading and posting, you guys are awesome and I’m working on chapter 5 right now. I’m trying to speed up the story a bit.

      ((Also, to Ironlenny, I hope you got past chapter 2! Really, even I agree that the start is a little hard, but it's because I'm trying to get into the good stuff as quickly as possible. And as far as the Everfree forest being as dark as night and photosynthesis and all that jazz, there are mushrooms, you know, and low-light edible plants. So yeah. I was trying to say Luna doesn't necessarily care about the general populace. She's done with them.))

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    26. @Scribbles (myself)

      Whoops, I forgot to post that I'm the author, your concerns are duly noted and I'm here to address them. Accidentally cut that line out.

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    27. >They say we only use 10% of our brains at any given time
      -Urrg... not THAT myth... Time for some ''Neuroscience For Kids '' : http://faculty.washington.edu/chudler/tenper.html

      >Rainbow Dash, you will be dead within a week.
      -I will seriously keep an eye on 'this', and an eyebrow... and a large *Boot to the Head* close-by, just in case...

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    28. I like where CH5 is going =D
      This is turning out to be pretty enjoyable and I'm glad I took the time to read it. Keep writing and I'll be there.

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    29. @Scribbles

      Thanks for taking the time to respond to all our comments! Now then: any chance Chapter 6 is going to feature an appearance by LotL-world Gilda?

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    30. Sorry for this, but comments questioning what I've been taught my whole life = reply.

      That 10% brain thing is ass-backwards. We use 90%. And the other 10% isn't a "dead-zone", it's simply unused like Windows trying to use a JFS partition.

      Wildlife populations are quite & readily capable of managing overpopulation all of their own accord. The Wolves in Yellowstone park are an obvious example.

      Also, photosynthesis is possible without sunlight.
      Bio-luminescence. And there are organisms which use this for photosynthesis... an altered form of such, but still the same base process. Some flora even use moonlight. Food from light is still the base process through all three methods.
      So, “No, you are quite right, Applejack. However, you’ve also seen how dark it is in some parts of the Everfree forest, correct? Well, plants grow there too. Edible plants, even. You see, life is a versatile thing. Sure, the comfort of the belly might be tested, but I believe that enough food could be found in either extreme, eternal day or eternal night" is quite right in its logic.

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    31. *at reading the scene with Pinkamena*


      What a tweest!

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    32. Wow. I'm glad that this laptop works now. All this time helping you
      bounce ideas without reading the actual story, what a stupid pony I ever
      was!

      The ideas you, I, and that other friend who probably doesn't want names
      mentioned came up with (moving on) when coupled with your uniquely
      meme-filled writing style produces a story I could barely stop reading.
      Even then it was for something important to my semblance of normalcy,
      such as family gatherings, chores, or bothering of siblings.

      I can't wait to see that next chapter in the final versions (even if I
      could just ask you for it now anyways), and I'm beginning to wonder how
      in the world you managed to keep your NaNoWriMo word count at 1 last
      year.

      Excitedly not a brony,
      Your devoted assistant scribbler,
      PawnStar

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    33. Scribbles (THE AUTHOR)June 27, 2011 at 1:21 PM

      @Chris: Yes, there will be Gilda in chapter 6. I'm making her fairly important too, actually.

      @Nova25/Anonymous: Alright, so people are still complaining about the 10% of our brain thing. In case you missed it, I said I knew that it was wrong, I even checked before I wrote it in, but it fit the story. Since there have been so many complaints, should I just take it out? It made the point that Derpy is using three minds, but I might be able to work around it. Really, I just think it's detracting from the story now since it's caused so many problems for you guys. I want my story to be good, and if that part really is bothering you, I'll change it.

      @PawnStar: Hey, glad to see you here. Yeah, and thanks for all the help you've given.

      TO EVERYONE: Thank you so much for reading and commenting, it helps me stay motivated. You guys rock. *woohoo*

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    34. Having read chapter 5, my prediction is that Derpy's prediction of Dash's death means that Dash will die, but this whole mirror universe thing will bring her back.

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    35. @Scribbles (THE AUTHOR)
      I can't wait for the second part! I had no idea that it would be this good when you told me about it but wow!!!
      P.S. You know me as Tanner

      @everyone else
      Maybe it really is 10% for ponies. Have you ever run those tests on them? I know I haven't. It's ponies, lighten up!

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    36. It's so complicated! I love it! Alternate realities are so fun! And the way you wrote this keeps blowing my mind. Will be waiting patiently for the next chapter.

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    37. Hm. Twilight State, eh?


      Once again you've ended a chapter with me having no idea what might happen. Bravo.

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    38. This is quite interesting, would like to see where it goes.

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    39. Ddim wedi cydnabod yr iaith hynafol nes i mi spied y gair 'cymraeg' ei hun. Rwyf wedi bod yn effro llawer rhy hir, yr wyf yn dyfalu. Ardderchog chwedl, Scribbles.

      ('spied' efallai na fydd yn Gymro, ond mae'n anodd iawn i greu rhywbeth cydlynol!)

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    40. Holy god damn. Now that is a healing technique!

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    41. Because war and breaking multiple pony's necks is only "slightly" grimdark :)

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    42. @TenchiFreak5 : Yeah, I was trying to show how the Dark Personalities would try to use basically everything they can to their advantage.

      @Silent Solace: It's taken on a life of it's own now. Maybe I should change it.

      Also, to everyone: What? I dropped .2 ratings! What'd I do wrong? D: Tell me so I can improve!

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    43. Well, at the end of part 6 it seemed like Twilight was absolutely heartbroken after killing 30 griffons. I really thought that was a nice touch, and I was looking forward to Twilight getting a nice talking-to from her reflection about life/death/etc. So when Twilight just all-of-a-sudden snaps out of it, I was kinda disappointed. (But the part about Dusklight being a conniving back-stabber type was awesome).

      Also, when Gilda is talking to Rainbow Dash in the cart, wouldn't the other ponies be able to hear them talking? I would think that they would do something about that.

      Still, though, I enjoyed the read.

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    44. I've been avoiding this story for quite some time now, The incomplete tag keeps me away from good stories it seems from the comments. I'll give this a shot, be back tomorrow with a response.

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    45. I lol'd at chapter 3's title

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    46. @Brony Tom: Due to popular demand, I will change Twilight's snapping-out of it, expect the change by the time the next chapter gets posted.

      I'll address the over-hearing ponies thing in the next chapter as well. Mistakes happen, sorry everyone. But hey, sometimes mistakes can be good plot-points to, eh? We'll have to see where I go with this...

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    47. Seren is by far my favorite character in this story. I can say that truthfully because if he's who I think he is then [SPOILER ANTICIPATED AND BLOCKED] and he's just gonna be awesome.

      If he's not who I think he is, then fine...I would be wrong at that point, and I'd have to wait another few chapters for the one I'm thinking about to come around.

      But seriously, some people collect swords or trinkets from those they have slain, Seren collects their fallen titles as he murders them in cold blood. Each new title is an honor and a reminder from his previous "jobs".

      Keep it up, 'cause if not you'd have a lot of disappointed persons.

      Excitedly not a brony,
      Your devoted assistant scribbler,
      PawnStar

      P.S. Notch just posted about new mobs! They look like they're gonna be scary, but I'm still sure that with three swords and a pile of string I could best them.

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    48. So that's what the bubbles are for. Interesting.

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    49. Um... okay? "Celestia! You will pay for your horrible crime of... um... not stopping my manipulative boyfriend from doing exactly what he's doing again right now, when you were completely powerless. Buh?"

      I don't get how either memory bubble was supposed to present the people presenting them in a good light. They both seem to disprove the things they're supposed to be proving.

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    50. HOLY UPDATES BATMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    51. lul? [Progressively Grimdark]

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    52. I´ll wait for further updates before commenting on these two chapters. It´s too incomplete right now.
      But it does seem that there is a certain self fullfilling circle here.

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    53. lol at the progressively grimdark tag, I have never seen that before.

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    54. didnt really like how this turned out. I like the alternate dimensions and all but i still think if twi wouldnt have killed them 30 gryphons unless something nudged her in the berserking kind of direction first.

      Im sure you thought everything trough, with all the cameos and all but its just too streamlined and because its unfinished and because i havent done more than read it once i can just say there are instances where i considered to stop reading or my suspension of belief was shattered.

      The encounter with Derpy being one, twi killing gryphons and the following aftermath being the second. The elements of harmony are too silent and i realise its hard to play off multitude of characters but that there is probably where your biggest challenge lies.

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    55. There is just too much exposition and too little meat on the story atm. or atleast that is my humble oppinion.

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    56. I'm sooooooooo confused! Who the hell are the good guys? So Seren/Quicksilver is evil?

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    57. I'll withhold final judgement of this fic until it is finished (gracious of me, I know). I cannot help but feel that the story has taken too much of a turn for the surreal though. The plot is looking quite convoluted after this last update, and I'm wondering if the story can fix this. The addition of time travel to any story is a plot-breaking element. Memory bubbles are fine, but allowing characters to travel in time at will breaks almost all stories. I'd love to see you pull it off, but I must express my doubts about it at this point.
      One other thing: you may want to consider pacing the new little devices you add to the story. You added the memory bubble: good. You add a memory bubble within a memory bubble in the same chapter as we first see into the memory bubble: getting dicey. You add the existence of time travel to the memory bubble inside the first memory bubble in the same chapter: readers either develop a brain aneurysm or start to lose interest in the convoluted plot. Just consider this if you see it for the next update.

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    58. @Anonymous

      "Um... okay? "Celestia! You will pay for your horrible crime of... um... not stopping my manipulative boyfriend from doing exactly what he's doing again right now, when you were completely powerless. Buh?"

      I don't get how either memory bubble was supposed to present the people presenting them in a good light. They both seem to disprove the things they're supposed to be proving."

      ^this.

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    59. I have a low tolerance for drawn out or wierd stories, but this one works very well, and is intelligently paced.

      So... In the opposite alternative universe they look into the past where the actors are aware that they'll be looked at so they look in the past again (BWOOOOONG), where a being not yet created in the first memory time travels to threaten the actors when they were younger, placing their parents in a double bind that forces them to always resolve the inevitable paradox so that... OK I understand it perfectly up to there and it's explained very well. I mean, I lose interest and can't follow simple fics if they're not well writte, and this one certainly is. Just make sure to explain the motivation and results of these actions clearly.

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    60. @everyone

      Okay...Scribbles's internet connection went down, so I'm filling in for him as far as comment addressing goes (by way of telephone communication between the two of us).

      He says to say that he is "working on the next chapter, and due to the concerns, [he] will take extra care to explain it and [he'll] get back to the other characters soon. Also one of the major themes in this story is who really is the bad guy, but for all purposes yes that is Seren for now. Also thanks for your patience with [him]."

      I'd also just like to say that I understand the time paradoxes perfectly (we're not going to mention that I also came up with some of them) so if you weenies think that these ones are bad you should go read anything from MSPA and then what you've seen so far here will look easy to understand in comparison.

      Excitedly not a brony,
      The devoted assistant scribbler,
      PawnStar

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    61. And over one month later... Potential 6-star is Potential no more.

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    62. @Godot-17

      Actually, what's going on here is I'm revising it, while keeping the most interesting elements. I'm trying to get everything written out all at once so it can be released on a truly regular basis.

      Now, I do have two more chapters already written up for this, if you guys want...but I have more or less given up on this specific story.

      Don't worry, much will remain the same with the re-write, mostly just the organization and specific events are changing.

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    63. Sorry L, but I'm known for my burns, not my praise. If you wish you can blame it on your characters' dark thoughts.

      The story contains quite a few spelling and grammar problems, there seem to be more of them in the latter chapters. I don't blame for this, even fully published books have mistakes.

      I'll go back and check, but right after Twi and the others left through the mirror, didn't it say that 6 ponies in this "Dark World" were watching and left? I figured that was the Dark Main Six (I'm not all that into pony lingo), but latter you said that Pinkie already had hers. We know it wasn't Luna, so is it an error, my mistake, or an unknown pony? Like I said, I'll go back and check that it actually said that, I refuse to be a liar.

      Those are my main complaints, and they are minor. I'm interested on what the future holds for our heroes, if, in fact, they are heroes.

      One last thing to end this: FINISH THE STORY. You managed to hook the "fish" and keep it on the line, don't throw the pole overboard. Catch my drift?

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    64. Nope, I'm not a liar. It's in the last two paragraphs of chapter two, for anyone who wishes to check it out.

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    65. Been wondering if this was ever going going to continue. It was an interesting ride but I'm going go continue avoid reading 8 and 9 since there hasn't been any updates in months =/

      I take it scribbles still has no internet? If this story continues nice, if now then well a pity really.

      I never commented before since I never saw the need for such things back then but I been following the story since Ch.1 was put out on EqD and since then each chapter has been one weird twist after another. I don't know what people are complaining about with the villain you introduced, and honestly not going to bother finding out if this isn't going to be getting any more updates.

      This story was reaching good heights and well shame it seems dead in the water these days. Perhaps I'll return to this one some day when it has a complete tag. For what it's worth I had enjoyed this story a lot, some parts less then others but the Griffon war part and the 'real' Gilda and their story was interesting =3

      Rarity doctor was a plus who'd thought! but made so much sense!

      P.S. I hope everything going well for you scribbles and if you do work on this story again I promise to give it another chance if I see 2 more chapters at least ;3

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    66. @Cátsy

      I actually still have internet, sorry. I have two more chapters ready to be typed up, however I have kind of abandoned this specific story because I will be rewriting it. Same characters, though perhaps with small twists, same basic ideas of a mirror world, just different specific events and progression. I'll introduce Seren earlier so people realize he's the bad guy and whatnot.

      I could still release the two extra chapters if you want, and I will do the new story sometime soon. I'll make a reference in the description saying it's a re-write of this.

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