Author: Dashalicious
Description: Princess Luna leaves Canterlot when she feels un-appreciated, andA Better Life
eventually winds up in Ponyville, where she winds up in the middle of a
lesson in friendship that may be exactly what she needs.
Additional Tags: Lonely Luna, friendship, non-shipping relationships
27 comments:
sage
ReplyDeleteMOAR LUNA!
ReplyDeleteinb4 looks cute "3
ReplyDelete>non-shipping relationships
ReplyDeleteO_O
...so...
...the legends were true...
I am just waiting for mah story to be posted...
ReplyDelete@Not A Good Username 360 Hush! We must not speak of such things here!
ReplyDeletecute! will ther be more?
ReplyDeleteNice, enjoyed the concept although the pacing does seem a little rushed.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work :)
a very uneventful story with a very bland character, Can't wait till we finally get to see how enjoyable Luna's personality truly is in Season 2
ReplyDeleteI like the concept so far. But you've got a little too much "tell" and not enough "show" going on with the emotions the characters are feeling. For example, the very last line of the chapter.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to your next chapter!
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI don't often agree with Legion, but in this case, I feel I must. The pacing was incredibly off, and it was hard to get into Luna's character. And that's actually saying something, seeing as I read Lunafics the most.
I'd try again with another story. I think you have potential, but it just didn't come out much in this story, I'm sad to say
Y U NO SAD TAG
ReplyDeleteNot bad. Not great either. That's all. Go work more on Song in the Shadows.
ReplyDeleteThis is the first ponyfic I've read. thank you for making it a good one.
ReplyDeleteNeeds the help of a good editor. Too much switching between past and present tense, 'telling' instead of 'showing', the Trixie meeting felt out of place and odd, 'consolation' and 'constellation' are NOT the same word... yeah, this fic needs a lot of help. Has a good premise, but needs work to make it shine.
ReplyDelete@Gilliam Vespa
ReplyDeleteThere are much, MUCH better ponyfics out there. The first one I read was Circle of Friends. It was a good one.
How is this comedy?
ReplyDeleteJust read the fanfic 'cupcakes'... This story really cheered me up!
ReplyDeleteAside from a bit of weird pacing and the Deus Ex Machina Trixie, you have a pretty solid beginning. The part when Luna gets to Ponyville is when the story starts to pick up. I encourage you to keep improving and to use the next chapter as a launch pad.
ReplyDeleteIt's great how you incorporated the famous Lunadance into the story. I love you for that.
ReplyDeleteHowever, the way the chapter ended seems suspiciously like it'll head into shipping. I'm normally okay with this, but not only is is Luna and TS, but it's a great story and making it into shipping would mess it up.
Great work so far, but as said before the pacing is a little off. The speed at which Luna became friends with Trixie was a bit odd to say the least, along with how she left her so quickly.
Sort out the pacing and this story will be legendary.
Good concept, needs more work on the execution. the potential is there.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteNo. No shipping. I'm sorry if it seems like it's going that way, but there will be no LunaXTwilight in this story >:|
Also, I will put a lot of work into the next part and make sure it flows better and redeems the first chapter.
Good Story want to see more, and I got no idea why it is rated below 4 star. It could use some work but so far it is quite nice.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteMostly the pacing, and the unecessary, pretty much entirely pointless encounter with Trixie.
Very happy with this, I needed a good Luna story and I think I found it.
ReplyDeleteAlthough it would have been nice to see more, either as a Luna adventure or just her stay in ponyville
ReplyDelete@itsme
ReplyDeleteI actually do plan on finishing this. I just got very distracted for quite a while.