All stories are below the break!
Author: SaddlesoapOpera
[Sad] Fluttershy
Description: After the Grand Galloping Gala, Fluttershy finds herself thinking about her actions…and her childhood.Fluttershy: Origins
Original Page
Additional Tags: Psychological, Flashback, Emotional, Flutterrage, Friendship
[Normal][Sad] Pinkie Pie
Description: For the second time, Rainbow Dash walks in on Pinkie Pie in an unguarded moment, and learns an uncomfortable secret.Pinkie Pie: Schism
Original Page
Additional tags: Psychological, Emotional, Friendship, Secrets, Stress
[Shipping][Sad] Rainbow Dash
Description: Fluttershy tries to help Rainbow Dash relax, but things soon get complicated. A Pony Psychology Series story - previous episodes include Fluttershy: Origins, and Pinkie Pie: Schism.Rainbow Dash: Dependence
Original Page
Additional Tags: Psychological, Emotional, Addiction, FlutterDash, Long
[Shipping][Sad] Applejack
Description: Though already a straight-talker, Applejack suddenly finds herself utterly unable to lie...even to herself. A Pony Psychology Series story - previous episodes include Fluttershy: Origins, Pinkie Pie: Schism, and Rainbow Dash: Dependence.Applejack: Exposure
Original Page
Additional tags: Psychological, Emotional, Truth, Violence, Secrets
[Sad] Rarity
Description: Rarity's generosity is well-known, but her need to please others may end up costing her everything.Rarity: Loss
Original Page
Additional Tags: Emotional, Psychological, Guilt, Desperation, Conflict
[Normal][Sad] Twilight Sparkle
Description: Princess Celestia tells Twilight Sparkle a secret that will change the way she sees her friends - and herself - forever. The final chapter in the main plot of the Pony Psychology Series.Twilight Sparkle: Spellbound
Original Page
Additional Tags: Psychological, Emotional, Long, Friendship, Magic
[Sad] Celestia / Luna
Description: A thousand years of bad blood between The Royal Pony Sisters finally drives them to a confrontation. This story begins during the events of Rarity: Loss, and ends just before the midpoint of Twilight Sparkle: Spellbound; Re-reading is recommended.Alicorns: Blame
Additional Tags: Emotional, Confrontation, Magic, Flashback, Family, Celestia, Luna, Moondancer, Twilight Sparkle
[Sad][Dark]
Description: Ponyville's mailmare is a mystery. Why does she act the way she does? Why does she have a Unicorn foal? What does her Cutie Mark mean? And why is she so fixated on muffins? The answers will reveal a past that she didn't know she had...and a guilt that she may never live down.Ditzy Doo: Muffins
Additional Tags: Psychological, Griffons, Violence, Memories, Long
[Sad][Normal]
Description: Pennliess and downtrodden, The (once) Great and Powerful Trixie comes into possession of the means to get back at the residents of Ponyville - but is she ready to pay the price for that vengeance? The final appendix in the Pony Psychology series...but keep your eyes peeled for exciting new Saddlesoap fics and series coming soon!Trixie: Treasure
Additional Tags: Careful What You Wish For
[Sad][Dark][Normal]
Description: Twilight Sparkle and her fellow Elements of Harmony have faced down supernatural foes of the highest order, but sometimes the deadliest danger can come from places one would least expect. As Twilight is forced to bear a devastating secret, her efforts to keep the Elements together may well tear them all apart. The plotline of the acclaimed Pony Psychology Series continues with an exploration of deception, despair...and Discord.Secrets and Lies (New Part 7!)
Additional Tags: Deception, Manipulation, Revenge, Prejudice, Shame
316 comments:
Muffins was surprising, and I can't wait for the conclusion of it.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Allons-y!
Needless to say, this is the best series of stories ever. I'm re-reading all of them and then read the two newer pars. Is there really going to be a Trixie part? That's really getting me excited.
ReplyDelete@Shiko
ReplyDeleteThere will indeed be a Trixie story - I don't kid in my teasers, as Ditzy Doo: Muffins proved. :D
I got several requests for a Trixie story, even while I was already roughing out the idea.
Interestingly, I also had several Ponies suggest that Zecora should get an appendix, though I am not sure my brain would forgive me if I tried to produce that much rhyming... >_<
Now I read them all, and they're really good. Just a little comprehension question, which probably is caused by my limited english vocabulary/knowledge:
ReplyDeleteIn the end of the Ditzy story, does Bright Eyes remember again when she sees the doctor? Or is that left open?
God damn that Celly/Luna fic bout had me in tears. My music did wonders to be timed to perfect to match the scene.
ReplyDeleteThis writing is 20% cooler while listening to this music.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DB2YzprqZYE
@Shiko
ReplyDeleteSPOILERZ!
Well, it can be seen in more than one way.
The "official" ending, though, is that she is only pretending that the lightning made her derpy, so that she longer seems to be a threat and Dinky stays safe. Once she is in private with the Doctor, she acts normal again.
Also, nice music, Anonymous! Very touching.
@Saddlesoap
ReplyDeleteThanks! And it's the second comment page, I don't think anypony minds a little spoiler.
speechless.
ReplyDelete5 stars!
Incredible. Absolutely incredible. Without a doubt, this is THE best fanfic I have ever read.
ReplyDeletePinkie's resolution in particular had me shedding glorious man-tears.
This, honest to god, is my favorite fanfic series. More than any other.
ReplyDeleteThis latest bit is just golden. And I think that's the fun of the background ponies and fan-named ponies: There's so much open to explore why they are the way they are, and what their motivations and whatnot are. And even if it's not necessarily within the confines of "It's a cartoon for little girls!!!", it can be crazy effective, especially when as well-written as this.
Also, as a big fan of David Tennant, ALLONS-Y!
Also (Sorry for the double-post!) But you left a subtle implication in "Muffins": When Dinky Doo shocked Bright Eyes, the image of a caduceus could faintly be seen for a moment.
ReplyDeletehttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caduceus
You mean, this?
You are one of the 4 fanfic authors whom I only have the highest respect for. Thank you for this amazing epic. I hope to read more from you in the future.
ReplyDelete5/5 :D
Just read on TV Tropes that you removed the FlutterDash outcome to Spellbound.
ReplyDeleteNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I've got to be honest, I really enjoyed this one even though I typically steer well clear of Shipping. But shortly after ancient curses came in, I moved on. Up to that point I thoroughly enjoyed it, it was dark, gave a different outlook on character aspects I hadn't given thought, great stuff. But I got into it because of the title; "Pony Psychology." I can't get enough of fictional characters with any spectrum of mental illness, it's like having a Growbag full of Drama instead of Tomatoes. Once the curses showed no, that missed the opportunity for a psychiatric explanation. Agreed that you had to bring everything back to Friendship is Magic somehow, but I find Fanfic should exist (Never thought I'd be saying that sentence a year ago) to deviate from the established series for things that normally happen, that way we can still have them without impacting the stuff that inspires it. I'd rather you had left it to a full self destruct sequence of conflicting psyches, but the ending was your decision, I'm happy to read it with pinch of salt, many rounds of applause on everything else. I am now going to google you for more stuff to read.
ReplyDelete>>>Just read on TV Tropes that you removed the FlutterDash outcome to Spellbound.
ReplyDeleteNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!
What he said.
...
Alternate ending? Pls?
@Valik
ReplyDeleteI appreciate all of the tears that have been shed over the demise of that plot element, but I must emphasize that the original ending was shorter, less well-developed, and left the characters less "on-model."
While many features of Pony Psychology have garnered both praise and scorn, RD and FS's relationship was one that I agreed legitimately needed some adjusting.
The final story may not fully satisfy the Flutterdash-ites in the audience, but I firmly believe that the story is stronger as it is now.
Regardless, thanks for commenting!
Muffins was... Unexpected.
ReplyDeleteI really like how Saddlesoap managed to put together a lot (LOT) of general fanon/pony psychology fanon/canon together, while having some genius moments (the origins of Muffins and Ditzy Doo, for example).
You just got 5 stars mate! Keep up the fantastic work!
Just finished Fluttershy's and Pinkie's stories.
ReplyDeleteDamn, not many things can tug on emotional strings like that.
I'm not sure I want to read them all, though. Sad ponies are ten times worse than anything else, especially when they make me sad too.
But I will try!
Kudos to the author, fantastic series you have here.
Is the end of Trixie hinting at Discord?
ReplyDeleteJust read the first one.
ReplyDeleteI now feel the need to read every single one of these before I go to bed. This is good stuff.
That interpretation of Trixie was really rather sinister. In all the other stories I felt some sort of sympathy for the ponies--not Trixie. I don't care what her childhood was like or how badly she wanted her revenge...all her actions in Treasure were totally uncalled for.
ReplyDeleteAlthough this may be the end of the Psychology series, I really hope you continue writing, Saddlesoap. You're definitely one of the best pony writers in the fandom, and I'm looking forward to reading anything you have to offer.
I was watching Season 2, and I noted to my friend that the first episode seemed almost the exact same as your first 5 psychology series, only the opposite of them
ReplyDelete"Sooner than you think."
ReplyDeleteYou magnificent bastard.
I...am honestly scared to read this. It's sad. It's dark. And it's famously well written.
ReplyDeleteI fear I will get sucked in and never want to leave...
...
*backs away slowly*
I'm not a Trixie fan but I'm sure this'll be good reading
ReplyDeleteIn answer to some of the above comments about Season Two:
ReplyDeleteYes, the stained glass reference is deliberate. This got finished barely an hour after S2E1 aired, and I tossed in a shoutout. Think of Pony Psychology as Season 1.5. :D
HOWEVER, the vast majority of the storyline for Treasure, including the antagonist conflicting with the Elements (and even the use of marionette crosses!), was actually sketched out before Muffins was even written - WAY before all the S2 spoilers. It worked out freakily well as a sort of training exercise for Discord. Go figure... o_0
PS: Yes, I am DEFINITELY going to keep writing Pony Fic. It is as addictive as precious, precious salt lick. Mmm...salt lick. *ahem* Thanks for reading! :P
"Mudhooves" and "Buzzards". Whoa...those are some believable racial slurs. Certainly have some sting.
ReplyDelete/continues reading
Well, the Trixie chapter lived up to my expectations; we have someone who grew up feeling lost in the shuffle of busy family life who let her hurt feelings turn her into a monster. Now that she's acknowledged what made her come with in inches of killing herself, started to focus on the future instead of dwelling on the past and made friends with Celestia, she'll more than likely be worth the adulation that the Regalia imprinted on the ponies of Ponyville the next time she appears.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, there's really nothing for Twilight to say about things when that happens; the other Five only part-way broke free and nopony else did because that thing is just too powerful to resist.
"a young rabbit was busying himself with his morning silflay"
ReplyDeleteholy buck. How the hell did I remember what that was from?! What the hell. I haven't read Watership Down in over a decade, and didn't care for it back when I did read it.(not to say it isn't good, but I was in middle school)
Well played saddlesoap, well played.
Absolutely stellar. With witty and skillful prose, you have given Trixie the best possible exposition, consummation and closure as a character. I bow.
ReplyDeleteIt's been nothing less than awe-inspiring to see how you've created worlds of motivation and emotion from the characters of this show. Since we can't expect too much from them with the restrictions that Hasbro and the FCC place on the show, your hard work in this fanfiction series has been supremely refreshing - in that you have made the characters incredibly more convincing and lifelike.
@busparkingonly
ReplyDeleteYeah...there's some mild Pony Racism here and there in the stories, just as there is a buckload of Pony Profanity. The Unicorn counterpart to those terms, btw - used by Aces in DD: Muffins - is "Screwhead."
Screwhead, Mudhoof, Buzzard...
ReplyDeleteI'd never considered that pony racism might exist until now, but... that fits.
...
ReplyDeleteThat's it. Ditzy Doo is definitely now a Bourne Identity/Long Kiss Goodnight analogue in my own personal cannon.
These are the most impressive fanfic works I think I have ever read in my life. I am just stunned by these. Truly amazing and worthwhile. Thank you, Saddlesoap, for these brill works.
ReplyDeleteHonestly I think Trixie's was pretty weak...though only in relation to the others of course.
ReplyDeleteOf course I'm so much looking forward to the next one.
Oh God, that Trixie story was downright HILARIOUS!
ReplyDeleteReally great, as always! Interested to see where you'll go next.
Just finished reading the Twilight one. They are all amazing so far. The last line actually gave me chills.
ReplyDeleteBrilliantly done and possibly being my favorite series. Definitely my favorite for [Sad] or [Shipping] tags.
Gonna read the rest tomorrow. Need sleep now.
Trixie's one was good. It was after the dead serious Ditzy so it felt silly/funny but I guess that's Trixie.
ReplyDeleteNice ending pointing towards the Season2.
Will there be more I wonder?
Well... I thoroughly enjoyed the series - the only exception being the Trixie part. The writing and the characterization felt a bit shallow IMO.
ReplyDelete[Warning! Spoilers ahead:]
Also, I felt that there were quite some interesting plot points that went untouched (more Moondancer, Trixie's past/family and emotional troubles at Fluttershy's, for example). It was a good story, but, IMO again, sub-par compared to the rest of the series.
Origins made me scared, Schism made me cry, Dependence made me both, Exposure made my head full of apples (in a good way?), Loss brought me back to scared mode as everything came to a boiling point and Fluttershy took a step in her mom's direction, but Spellbound brought me home safe and sound and smiling.
ReplyDeleteIt did feel a bit rushed in the end, some of the deeper, more long-term problems getting solved in record time, but hey, Friendship is Magic, right? Overall, I liked this story quite a lot. Also, angry Luna was interesting; that's not a side of her that's very popularized so it made for a different read. Thumbs (or hooves) up.
@Stephen Cawking
ReplyDeleteSlightly more focus on Moondancer or Luna might have helped, perhaps, but I consciously tried to minimize the roles of the Mane Six in the story as much as the events would allow - ESPECIALLY Twilight. Trixie was the main character in this one, and I didn't want to let her narrative get hijacked too badly.
Meanwhile, Luna's pat response came from a few places: lingering dislike of Twilight, being busy and off-balance in the limelight, obeying her sister's wishes about the "official" flu excuse, and knowing (from painful experience) just how well the Ponyville gang can deal with crises.
I did feel a little rushed in writing it, but not exactly in the time sense. Rather, I wanted things to squeeze into the gap between Seasons One and Two, so maintaining rough status quo and leaving all characters (even Trixie) pretty much on model by the end was crucial. At times it felt...limiting.
As for whether this idea has been done, I have no idea. I wasn't aware of anypony else using the concept that Celestia is only so awesome because of her crown jewels - let alone having Trixie take them. If so, great minds, I suppose. :P
At any rate, I was personally pretty pleased with the way Treasure came out, and if "Not Awesome" is the worst review I get, I can certainly live with that. :D
BTW, thanks for being calm, sane, readable and clear with your criticism! Down with Parasprites! Up with Sanity! *yay*
I'm kind of indifferent to this chapter, unfortunately; and I was really looking forward to it. The first part was actually pretty good, even if it was not as "deep" as the other chapters were. Trixie was a little bit more vicious and deliberate in her actions than I find believable when she is normal, but "Power Corrupts" so it is understandable.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I can agree with the idea that the story eventually started to seem rushed; and I could also feel the attempt to maintain the status quo as the second part went one. Now, that isn't a problem by itself, because Muffins did the same thing fantastically (and arguably that was basically what the entire series did). But in this one, you could really get a sense that the narration was the thing driving the story along rather than the characters' actions (such as when Twilight went back and let herself get captured basically just because) whereas in Muffins you only realized that it maintained the status quo after you finished the story and started thinking about it; and the pacing seemed more and more out of whack as the second part of the story went along.
Also, for the record, The First Light of Dawn is the story Stephen Cawking was referring to that is covering similar themes, albeit with enough major differences that they aren't really trying to accomplish the same thing.
I read all of them, and I would like to say thanks, especially for the Rarity chapter which fits her character in so many levels.
ReplyDeleteThe Trixie one didn't get to me much since it differs quite a bit on how I imagine her to be. Trixie is more of a trickster than a dominator, and has this dark sarcastic humor that cannot be replaced just by being exceptionally mean. So in the episode for example, she doesn't just win, she makes sure everyone laughs at AJ, Dash, and Rarity.
So if Trixie wants revenge, I would suspect her to toy with the main cast in a more twisted, humiliating ways, than to simply dominate them.
Upon further consideration of the comments here, in PMs, on FF.net and on FimFiction, I have altered the ending of Trixie: Treasure to be less hurried and a bit more satisfying. If I am ending the series here (or at least waiting to do a sequel series until after Season Two), things should end with a stronger sense of resolution.
ReplyDeleteFor those who want to see how it differs, things start changing as of Trixie and Celestia's conversation in the bedroom.
I don't respond to all criticism by making edits (you can't please everypony, after all), but as was the case with the original ending of Spellbound, I find myself both agreeing with a repeatedly raised point and more pleased with the resulting longer ending.
[i]
Hrm...clearly endings are an issue with me. I'll have to watch for that in my upcoming fics...[/i]
Trixie, part 1 :
ReplyDelete>haughty fellow Unicorns, slack-jawed Mudhooves and flocking Buzzards alike.
-Maybe I'm stretching the possible implication of those words, but... are the last 2 terms supposed to be ''racist slangs'' for Earth Ponies and for Pegasi ?
IF it's that, all I can say is that Trixie may be haughty (maybe a lot, depending on how people see her), but she's surely not 'racist' (ponycist ? sub-ponicist ?).
>W-without Her Regalia, She was just Princess Luna's big s-sister – just a r-regular Unicorn, but with wings.
-Yeaaah, riiight ? The Regalia is a mega-duper-super-godhood equipment-artefact of doom, sure...
I 'somehow' have doubts about this theory.
-Also, how did Celestia moved the Moon, without the Regalia of Luna, during 1000years ? ...because, we see Nightmare Moon with one, and then Luna still has hers when she's freed by the Elements, so how ?
Is 1 Regalia, whatever which one, enough for BOTH the Sun and Moon ?
-Equipments and artefacts that enhance your power and magical abilities, yes, entirely possible... but an ON/OFF Equipment of godhood, meh, no.
> Trixie reared, threw her head back, and laughed a booming, triumphant laugh. Thunder rumbled from the clear sky in response.
-Nightmare Trixie ? Nightmare Star, maybe ? ...with hypnotic/mind control powers ? Well, ok, I suppose.
Still, I don't buy the *Instant Godhood suit* thing.
Trixie, part 2 :
>Leaving her parents, three sisters and four brothers behind
-Well, you surely gave her one BIG family. I wonder if this 'rather precise' information will be used later ?
(later : Apparently... not at all, huh ?)
>Trixie frowned. "Kneel before Trixie!" she commanded.
-Kneel before Zod ! : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN67nNABEjQ&feature=player_detailpage#t=122s
Zod VS Trixie ! Fight !
>She frowned. A glimmer of will shone in her pale blue eyes. "That's not funny…" she whispered.
-Pinky Pie's pinkyness and her quantum powers shall see through the illusion !
> "Blind!" Trixie gasped. "I'M BLIND!"
-Let me guess... they are ALMOST killing her, in order to teach her some (vague) lesson, is that it ?
Since when does killing or almost killing people/ponies was a good way to give the dead/dieing a lesson ? I'm kinda curious about this.
(Rarity chapter)>She set down the cup, turned toward the guards, opened her eyes, and softly said two words:
>“Kill her.”
-Oh right... silly me.
>"Yes. I used the Elements of Harmony to create the Regalia of the Day-Mare
-She USED the Elements themselves to create the Regalia... then this kinda means that even without it, that she's far from being an ordinary 'unicorn with wings' (contrary to what the maid said, though she was drunk, so...).
Also, if the Elements were used for 'this' (Sun) Regalia, what was used for Luna's ? Star/meteorite metal ?
>"So I suppose it's off to the dungeon with me?" asked Trixie morosely.
>"Not at all," Celestia replied. "Where do I get this reputation?"
-She made Twilight DIE in a previous chapter, just to prove something she could have just SAID. 'This' Celestia really has a bad memory ?
>"…Trixie is sure Celestia did what She thought was right."
-Sooo... it's a ''good'' ending ? Trixie learned to be a better pony, right ? I suppose there's a subtle hint, but I'm not entirely convinced.
... It wasn't half-bad, rather interesting, except for a few details here and there that make me wonder ...
@Saddlesoap
ReplyDeleteYou changed things 'Trixie' and 'Spellbound' ?
What exactly was changed, if I may ask ?
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteSpellbound was edited MONTHS ago. It used to have FS/RD stay together, and the ending was WAY faster. The current version is substantially better.
Likewise, the first ending of Treasure was rushed, and Trixie got off with less of a punishment - basically none at all. This version is longer, smoother, and leaves the Ponyville gang less vengeful by the end.
------------------
Also, to address some of your comments in the longer post above:
*yes, those are essentially racial slurs, but relatively mild ones. Trixie was in a spiteful mood.
*The Regalia and the Mantle are what one could call Emotional Weapons. They lend a divine APPEARANCE to their wearer, and a few cosmetic tricks (like swirly prehensile manes, etc), but their true power is in manipulating feelings. The Mantle evokes terror, and the Regalia inspire devotion.
Celestia is massively powerful without the regalia - just in a more understated way. Moondancer saw what used to be a mind-numbingly divine being as her un-enhanced self, and the difference struck her. It's not like she had a Scouter to check Celestia's power level (:P).
Trixie didn't become a goddess while wearing the Regalia and Celestia didn't become mortal without them - they just LOOKED the part.
*On that note, Celestia is almost never entirely serious. After hundreds and hundreds of years she is hard to catch off guard, and her manner in conversation can be a bit playful, even in serious moments. See the end of A Bird in the Hoof for some very similar dialogue of her being a wag.
*Yeah, Trixie likely made a teeny, tiny, eency, weency bit of progress toward being less of a terrible jerk, but it's a long road ahead. Ten, maybe twenty more Near Death Experiences and she'll be positively kind-hearted. :P
I should have commented on this story a long time ago, but I was too much of a newbie when I first read it (my third MLP fanfic) that I wasn't ready to comment, and regrettably I never got back to it.
ReplyDeletePony Psychology is one of my favorite fanfics on this site, and one of the few I've read multiple times (6-8 times, prior to the release of Muffins, and I think I'm about due for another reading now that it's completed). In all those readings it still hasn't lost its emotional impact, it still drives me to tears and I absolutely love it.
If I were to pick my three favorite scenes out of the entire story, I think they would be... the start of 'Schisms', with Pinkie slamming her face into the mirror; near the end of Dependence, in the berry grove (all I have to do is think of Fluttershy shouting "BREATHE!" and I get start tearing up); and the confrontation between Luna and Celestia in the garden at the end of Blame.
A close fourth would be Trixie's interrogation of Moondancer in Treasure - they're all such well done scenes, in a wonderful story though, definitely worth reading again.
There's only two things that ever really bothered me about the story, but both of which I'd come to terms with already. First was simply I had thought that Muffins would take place more in a concurrent context of the main storyline (like Blame), and I was slightly disappointed it didn't. Well, once I got over that (and I got over it quickly), it was a perfectly fine and enjoyable story (if incredibly tense). The other problem I had was that originally I thought the resolution to Spellbound was too short (like many others). Eventually I came to realize that, although it did wrap up in a way that left room for it to be expanded, it did what it needed to without dragging it out (something I decided to be grateful for, because I don't know if my heart could really take an extended version of Twilight trying to comfort Pinkie , not to mention the rest).
Watching episode 2 of season 2, after hearing from others that it was "too rushed" reminded me so much of this story, and I was quite amused (after posting my comment on it) to see your comment pointing out the same, Saddlesoap.
"Spellbound's denouement doesn't seem so quick and easy NOW, does it? :D"
I really am the worst kind of hypocrite though... Always saying how I hate people who feel like they have to rewrite a story or part of a story because they feel it isn't good enough, but I agree with the changes you made to the endings of Spellbound (way back when you made them) and Treasure...
Well, I think that's all I wanted to say, except that once again, I loved all of Pony Psychology (and I intend to re-read it again soon) - and I'll be quite looking forward to your next project, Saddlesoap.
@WavemasterRyx
ReplyDeleteAwww shucks....thanks for the kind words! ^_^
Amusingly, the scenes you listed are among my favourites, too!
And as for rewrites, I am generally extremely selective, with only two major suggestions making it into the stories for far (apart from error corrections). That said, I'm not too proud to take a fresh look at something I've done and try to see it in a new way - and in both of those cases you mentioned, I agree the results were positive.
Also, yeah. S2E2. Someone on FimFiction congratulated me on "getting Pony Psychology animated". Hee hee. I must admit, in hindsight, Spellbound and Treasure seem suspiciously like Celestia putting the Mane Six through Discord Readiness Boot Camp...
Honestly, I'm just glad nothing in the premiere seemed to crush the Fanon of my series too badly.
I was especially amused when Discord didn't do anything to directly harm Celestia, despite wrecking everything and everyone else - Regalia for the win! :P
Not a fan of all the sad-dark. Couldn't bring myself to finish. Just personal opinion I guess.
ReplyDelete@icekatze
ReplyDeleteBoh. Well, you can't please everypony.
But if it helps, there is totally a happy ending.
I don't do BAD END.
I feel bad about not being able to finish it, like I'm missing something. Maybe I'll give it another shot in the future.
ReplyDeleteI apologize for my previous posts. They must have seemed terribly rude. I was already in a down mood when I heard a song on youtube that this fic inspired and foolishly thought to see what it was about without bracing myself ahead of time. The first chapter left me numb and soon after I found myself skipping ahead to see if I could expect more of the same. Admittedly a bad idea, especially since the chapter I skipped to was Luna and Celestia's chapter. I tried reading it again, but it didn't help. I was in a bit of a mood when I wrote my response, and that also was a mistake.
ReplyDeleteThankfully a good night's sleep pulled me out of that funk and I promised myself that I'd at least forge ahead for science. Third time's the charm right? However, I must apologize again, because my reaction to the story has not much improved. I wrote this to organize my thoughts, but I also honestly would like to know what I'm missing. Am I just doing it wrong? I had three separate people rave about the story and I can't stand it, so it seems that its a failing on my part. Am I not supposed to be taking it at face value? Is it supposed to be satire?
Virtue Ethics was always a bit of a joke, but this is taking something deeply meaningful about positivity and a strength of character that come from within overcoming incredible odds and twisting it into a cynical lesson about how even the good things in people are only good when they're under an external control. Is it supposed to be a warning about how Holism reduces the complexity of problems and dumbs them down into a single label?
I admit that turning character virtues into flaws is clever, but I can't understand why drama demands that characters must be flawed through and through.
I can't tell if it was a long time coming crack at Authoritarianism, the way Luna and Celestia capped off the main event, or if Celestia was supposed to be a sympathetic character. Is it a troll fic? Princess Trollestia gets the last laugh? I mean, surely someone would have said something.
I don't know if there are enough words to describe the vile depths of Celestia's crime in this interpretation. One thousand years on the moon would have been too good for her, and she has the nerve to beg for forgiveness? One thousand years depriving sentient beings their free will... Poetic justice might demand some clever punishment like making her spend a thousand years being tortured while magically compelled to appreciate it, but that would certainly require a monster of equal calibre to enforce such a sentence. Her excuses reminded me of something a mind control clopfic protagonist might say after having learned their "lesson." Murderers certainly don't get to plead "lesson learned," in any real court that I know of, and robbing someone of their mind is on par with robbing them of their life in my book. Banishing her sister almost killed her? If only everypony had been so luck!
ReplyDeleteMaybe everypony's mental health issues really arose from the cognitive dissonance of being compelled to love something that ought not to have been loved. Maybe for trivial desires one could just convince themselves that they didn't care about it in the first place, but what about something deeper? What kind of desire would have to be denied, that without the ability to lay blame where it rightly belongs, would force someone to blame someone or something else entirely rather than give it up? Even if that thing was as imaginary as dragons.
And Luna was hardly any better, unless her side of the story was a lie as well. ((Seriously, how could she have been fear if three random guard pegasi were able to charge her without hesitation, let alone the mane six before they picked up the elements of harmony?)) I imagined what I might have felt like if I were one of their subjects and I found myself spinning into a helpless despair, the same kind of helpless despair that I feel whenever I think about how to fix our own corrupt and twisted leadership in the real world. Truly this vision of Equestria is as far removed from friendship, harmony and justice as our own society is. Where friendship is only a weapon to disarm your enemies before moving in for the coup de grace. If the point was trying to make Equestria seem more realistic in that regard, then I tip my hat to you, but was that really it?
What was the point of all of it? If the point was to make the reader forget that life is beautiful, and think that perhaps life is a tragedy, it almost worked. Is it supposed to appeal to schadenfreude? If so, that would explain why I didn't get it... I'm rarely in such a fel mood that I can appreciate that kind of humor. I'm totally serious here, does anyone know what I'm missing?
0_o ... whoa.
ReplyDeleteI see where you're coming from, but that may be the most cynical and dark interpretation of Blame possible.
Let me try to explain my rationale...
First of all, there's the Mantle.
Luna wasn't just arguing with Celestia. When she was, they both just fought with each other. But then Luna put on a WAR WEAPON, one she found hidden in a vault. She essentially "pulled a gun" - a terror-inducing artifact reserved for times of battle. This was NOT the old Princess' "crown." The only reason the guards and the Mane Six would later be able to face her was that she wasn't unleashing its full power; she wanted an intimidated audience, not a panicking throng running in the opposite direction.
No matter how Luna described it to Moondancer, and now matter how guilt-ridden Celestia may have been after the fact, Celestia was JUSTIFIED in stopping Luna from unleashing the Mantle's powers out of petulant spite.
The Elements made Celestia suffer because she personally believed that she had been cruel, selfish, and a betrayer by banishing Luna. Once she came to terms with what she'd done and realized how badly the kingdom was suffering without a leader, she recovered.
Which brings me to the Regalia. (see below)
I don't know if you read Trixie:Treasure, but that story makes clear what Spellbound and Blame imply: the Regalia are effectively tyranny-proof.
ReplyDeleteActing contrary to the spirit of the Elements of Harmony causes the Regalia to lash out agains their wearer with severity in keeping with the severity of the violation.
At the same time, the Regalia influences the public's EMOTIONS - NOT their thoughts, mind you - with a view to fostering Harmony, and to seeing the wearer as they deserve to be seen.
When Celestia gives Twilight her object lesson in Spellbound, Twilight finds the will to object - and rightly so.
When Trixie misuses the stolen Regalia in Treasure, the other Elements also voice their objections - and Trixie very nearly dies from it after only a day or two.
The masses do not long for the freedom to dissent, and they do not suffer from a lack of free will - they have it. If Celestia makes them unhappy, or rules in a fashion that makes them suffer, they simply feel as if they are being betrayed by a loved one - and Celestia suffers for it.
She has become a sort of avatar or figurehead, a Platonic ideal of a good leader, mandatorily loved but ALSO mandatorily BEING WORTHY of that love.
This is not an Orwellian Thought Control State. This isn't a world where Celestia slaps a Pony's face and they thank her for it. This is a world where the scheming, dark-hearted traitors experience a moment of clarity about how good things are, and where the honest but unhappy rebels either find their voices heard or find their dissent enforcing change without a drop of blood spilled. Imagine: the demented terrorist next door thinks better of it, while the grassroots movement to lower painfully-high taxes...succeeds.
When Moondancer zoned out and said Celestia was doing what she thought was right, it wasn't propaganda; it was a Cassandra Truth.
CELESTIA is the one whose actions are limited in these stories. She has to be a princess the masses can look up to - she doesn't have any choice in the matter. She COULD use the Regalia's full power to dominate the citizenry and rule like a great and terrible queen...but the sickening feedback would cripple her.
In Blame, she isn't even able to lie to her sister (Honesty, after all), instead revealing her feelings with helpless abandon, begging to be forgiven the way she felt she had to (Generosity/Loyalty), and swearing to do everything she can to make amends (Kindness).
I'm truly sorry if the stories and the setting came across as darkly as they did to you, but I assure you that is not where I was coming from.
Considering the dark thoughts that surfaced in me while writing some of these stories AS I SAW THEM, my heart aches to imagine the headspace that led to your view of them.
That's not a jab - I mean it. Nearly every other reviewer has been pretty much sympatico with the way I described things above.
Maybe you forgot that life was beautiful before you read these stories? : (
Hoo lee shit!
ReplyDeleteDid I just read a "Long Kiss Goodnight" crossover?
Srsly, Saddlesoap, that has always been one of my favorite movies. Anyone that likes action films needs to watch it.
This is officially my favorite Pony story ever
Thanks for clearing that up and for putting up with my ranting, I didn't see your response as a jab at all.
ReplyDeleteI still don't think I can view Celestia as anything but a villain here (people under an influence cannot give consent), but I think I see what you're getting at now and I can handwave that aspect of the story. Maybe the regalia influenced her too, I dunno. Ignoring that sticking point though, the first six chapters fall into place at least, and I suspect curiosity will eventually drive me to read the last two installments.
I was going to post a comment earlier, but Blogger decided to have a little fun at my expense, and eat my comment. So anyways, what I can remember of it:
ReplyDeleteI really like this series. If I had to choose one aspect that stood out as my favorite part, it would be that, although this is much darker, and the subject matter more mature than what we'd see in the show, it still manages to capture the tone and the overall feel of the show really damn well. In fact, this and "Tales" are the only two FiMfics I've come across that pull it off so incredibly. (By it, I mean writing about more mature subject material, while still capturing the essence of the show).
Also, I really loved how the chapters were tied together. Overall, I think "Blame" was my favorite chapter, and one of the reasons was that I'm a sucker for anything involving the Royal Pony Sisters, amongst other reasons. Also, holy shit, I did not expect "Muffins" to be what it was, although I certainly enjoyed it. I don't think I've commented before, but if I did, I'm probably just repeating myself. Oh well.
@Jonny Manz
ReplyDeleteI'm terribly pleased to hear that!
Creating a "Rated T for Teen" series of FIM stories while retaining the feel of the original was PRECISELY what I was going for. Yay!
And yes, Muffins turned out well. Spellbound and Muffins are the only chapters to get fanart so far (hint-hint, artists! :P), and Muffins even inspired a piece of music!
I consider a piece of writing to be "good" if I can read it all the way through, if it's an interesting story and I don't get stuck on plot holes and various snafus in writing style. I consider it "very good" if on top of that, I actually read through with a smile and enjoy myself, hoping for more, and finding myself sad when I read the end.
ReplyDeleteIt becomes "great" when you add a visceral emotional response to the subject matter, through story telling, tone, and spectacular understanding of the characters involved.
As such, I've got only a few that reach Great. Thank you for writing this one.
I cursed the end of each part, my heart singing or, more often, weeping as the tales stacked up. Use of canon to work in new material, when done well, makes it so easy to get puled into a new story and to make it *feel* like it belongs with the characters you already know and love. And when you do already know and love them, it makes these kinds of stories here so much more painful, emotionally. But the only way to keep that level of emotion is to keep the story grounded in the roots of the show, and it pleases me to no end how much I enjoyed reading this one.
And Trixie... ahh Trixie. That was simply awesome.
Thank you, once again, for taking the time to write it, I appreciate it so very much.
-----------------------------------------------
The only critique that I could come up with that was not *completely* nit-picky.
Muffins is the weak link for me, if you could even call it that, in that it seems to me to have the least connection to the series. Which, since it also contains the fewest canon characters, it does. Still good, but skipping it, I think, would not hurt the longer narrative much at all.
This is just terrific. Especially the ending, because it just, to me, tied it together so well.
ReplyDeleteThis is the most awesome fanfic I've read in a LONG time. Props to the author, major props!
ReplyDelete@Eclipse
ReplyDeleteRight back atcha!
Warm fuzzies from the readers make it all worthwhile. : )
Ditzy: I want you to nail me.
ReplyDeleteOMG! I'M STILL FREAKIN LAUGHING! :,D
but I cried too... O god I can't even think about the last line of spellbound. You have mastered the art of creating an emotional roller coaster for your readers, and I am proud to have read your work, yet disappointed that more of my brony friends aren't into fan fictions.
Also, The way you use the environment of the story to shape your writing is amazing. Multiple languages, references to Greek mythology, (Caduceus - I looked at that, shit brix because I knew what it was, and then.. Well ya, brix were shat that day.) ect. It really is amazing. I applaud you and your work.
AND! DOCTOR WHOOVES!? REALLY!? XD I had to re-read like the first couple lines with him in it to make sure it was real! LOL! OMG! SERIOUSLY! Like.. common, how awesome can it get? Like, an amazing story, FREAKIN AMAZING references like that one, and you were even able to recognize the character of Doctor Who would be able to fit into your story so beautifully.
So ya. You are amazing and I love you for what you have put me through, but I also hate you for making it all so beautiful... THANK YOU!!!
~TheRouge
Break r ovr...y u no post links?
ReplyDeleteWoo! Anypony wanna count the instances of Season Two, Episode Three canon support with me?
ReplyDelete(spoilers)
Fluttershy is a masseuse!
Twilight is a therapist and intensely focused on solving the gang's issues!
Fixation/Attraction Magic!
Mayor Mare is a greedy b*tch!
Ditzy Doo shows Hoof-to-Hoof Combat familiarity!
Trollestia fakes "punishing" Twilight to maintain the Mane Six's cohesion!
Oh pleeeez let the rest of the season go like this! :D
@Saddlesoap
ReplyDeleteHaha, oh yeah, now that you mention it, I do notice it. That's kinda freaky, but awesome. However, you're wrong about one thing:
It's Celestia, not Trollestia. If she was Trollestia, she would've banished them to the moon after teaching them nothing at all.
Sorry, it's just that Celestia is tied for my favorite pony (with Twilight and Luna) and with all the shit she gets from the fandom, I tend to be a bit more defensive about her than most, so I can't really joke about her like that without feeling super guilty.
@Jonny Manz
ReplyDeleteOh indeed - don't get me wrong!
I love Celestia's whimsical style. I only refer to that by using the troll term; she tends to go with the flow when her subjects get unhinged, and gently push things to a satisfactory denouement while wearing an ever-so-slightly mischevous smile.
I like how she's almost never *quite* 100% serious. It makes her seem wiser.
And it never fails to entertain. :)
@Saddlesoap
ReplyDeleteHmhmhm... I agree. Yeah, I guess I mainly have a problem with the term. Because "troll," to me, has a very negative connotation ( Perhaps "playful" is a better term?
"Playfullesia? Playful Celestia?" Hmm... I think I'm on to something) Because when I envision a troll, I imagine someone doing something not just for laughs, but to spite someone else, or get the laughs at another's expense. In general, I see "trolling" as definitely being mean-spirited (though perhaps that's just because I've never come across positive trolling, if such a thing exists). And that is definitely not the Celestia we both know and love.
Also, yeah, I really like how she just goes along with the flow most of the time. I guess in 1,000+ years of ruling a land, you see everything, and so almost nothing gets you flustered anymore. It definitely does make her seem wiser. Also, it made Discord seem that much more bad-flank during his two-parter. I mean, he made her dead serious, but I suppose that's because she fears him (I mean, it took her, Luna, and the Elements of Harmony just to imprison him in stone, not to banish him permanently, kill him, or something else to that effect).
Oh snap. Luna uses the Royal We.
ReplyDeleteAnd she's out of touch, isolated and awkward, with thunder-stomping hooves, trouble expressing her emotions constructively and a bit of a temper.
*INHHAAAAAAAALE*....
~yay.
@Saddlesoap
ReplyDeleteWoah. Now that's kinda freaky, but in a good way.
I don't know if anypony's ever gonna read this...but I love whoever wrote these fantastic stories. I just finished reading Muffins, and I think I need to seriously alter my headcanon.
ReplyDeleteAlso, having the Doctor seriously helped.
@RisingStar
ReplyDeleteThe somepony who wrote the series read that.
And he is very appreciative.
Thanks! : D
Great stories, but was somepony trying to prove a point about Rainbow Dash's sexuality? Hmmm? Maybe just a little?
ReplyDeleteDear Princess Celestia,
ReplyDeleteToday I learned that it is entirely possible to OD on serious ponies, and that it will ruin your day.
Seriously though, the writing was great, but the characterizations were all I had to take offense with, which is where my highest loves and hates come from. Consequently, I LOVED RD's story and Tia/Luna's story; thought Fluttershy and Pinkie's stories were pretty good; and downright HATED Ditzy and Rarity's stories. Now, that's all obviously my own opinions, but there were just too many liberties taken with the characters for my tastes. And so serious! DAYUM. Sadly, this story ruined my day, even though I loved how the main stories weaved in and out of each other. This anthology just wouldn't stop kicking me in the gut, and eventually, it just kinda broke me down.
@OtterMatt
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading!
I appreciate your candor - it's always fascinating to see how the series resonates with folks.
So far, nothing has been a "100% miss" with the readers, which is certainly a relief to see.
But as for day-ruining, the only remedy is...MORE PONIES. I suggest Eat at Pony Joe's, a far, far more episode-style story I wrote that sticks resolutely to canon characterization and includes tons of humour and silliness. And donuts.
I loved this series, a great blend of well...everything. Thank you for writing!
ReplyDeleteJust finished Twilight : Spellbound... This right here is a master peace, just like My little dashie
ReplyDeleteI lol'd so hard at the part about Big Mac and the mayor.
ReplyDeleteOOhhhhh MAAAhhhh GGGaaaawwwwdd...everything worked out in the end!!! whew. that being said, im almost 25 years old and i still teared up when Pinkie Pie was crying. Pinkie Pie is best pony. Then RD. Then AppleJack. Then Twilight. Then Fluttershy. Fuck Rarity. Ramblicious....
ReplyDeleteExcellent Read BTW!!!
Ive never been so inspired by a tv show and the fans behind it than I have with MLP:FIM.
Oh mah god, Pony Psychology returns!! I'll go through it tonight, thank you, and I hope there will be more. I really like the writing style.
ReplyDeleteI haven't been able to go to Fimfiction for months...
ReplyDeleteIt has been an insanely LONG while ago, since I saw ‘’this’’ group of stories... I can say that I probably forgot most, if not all of the small details, and even the big part of the main stuff... and I can’t find any previous comments on the first few stories...
ReplyDeleteGoing 99% blind on those 2 new ones, with an hint of ‘mhhh, not sure..’.
-----
>The plotline of the acclaimed Pony Psychology Series continues
-Careful to not get a ‘big head’ there... I mean, the author put ‘that’ in his OWN story description ? Really ?
---
Secrets and Lies - Part1:
>Twilight’s purple eyes scoured the gloom for any sign – even the smallest vestige – of the Pony she’d been facing only a moment before.
-Start with the random killing of a random-unknown pony by Twilight... Oooooook ?
>TWO DAYS EARLIER
-What a coincidence that would be, if the dead pony had just 2 days before retirement (or rather 4 days, in order to make it ‘’2 before’’) ?
... I have a question. Why the heck does EVERY ‘Pony’/’Dragon’/’Pegasus’/’Earth Pony’/’Unicorn’ words are ALL capitalized ? Seriously, we don’t write ‘Human’ or ‘Cat’ all the time, so here, it shouldn’t be either ...
>Twilight sat helping Rarity magick the contents
-‘’Magick’’ ? What does this word normally used for the specific system of ritual magic deriving from the religious philosophy of Thelema... and, that is not in the ‘merriam dictionnary’, doing there ?
>she reconsidered. No…LYE!
-The hell ? Who would put OR even have access to *sodium hydroxide*, especially in a town like Ponyville ?
>Explaining the graffiti would have been awkward, but explaining what the Element of Magic had done to her?
-NO idea about the graffiti thing, but... I, at least, remember (I think) that the Element made her (and not the other Bearers too, for whatever *plot CONVINIENT* reason(s)) immortal. Big-whooping-doo... the ‘’horrible’’ secret there (if it’s the secret OR part of it)...
Also, assassination attempts on your life are usually a valid thing to talk about, but what do I know.
>“You run along, now! Run off to your vapid Screwhead!”
>The Earth Pony giggled a sinister giggle.
-I don’t get it ? What... it’s a racist pony who happens to know Twilight and/or possibly things about her ?
>one of them was now occupying the same space-time as her ribcage.
-What’s that ? D&d 2nd Edition ?
Never heard of the teleportation that place you at the location, or the nearest location if the intended target-zone is already occupied, I suppose ?
>The Earth Pony gave a cheery wave. “My name’s Topsy Turvy.
-How odd. I thought her name and been, mainly, decided on ‘Screwball’ ? : http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/List_of_ponies/Earth_ponies
>Because She’s a Goddess…and you’re just an undead egghead.”
-Huh... Being ‘undead’ and being ‘immortal’ are 2 DAMN different things.
>He took magic away from you greedy Twinklers and put it into everything – the clouds, the buildings…even the ground!
-There magic imbued in about virtually anything, in this world already, just at various (lower) degrees in general.
-----
I don’t know.
It was *something* to read, somewhat interesting ‘’in a way’’, but... I can’t exactly put my finger on the ‘thing’. Also, I’m just really not sure about where I theorize this is going to end up...
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteHello again, Nova! ^__^
Allow me to address some of your running comments:
* I feel I am not showing arrogance with the blurb above; it's simply a hook like one would find on the back of any paperback. Pony Psychology as a series currently enjoys a 95.7% approval rating on Fimfiction, and remains six-star after more than 500 ratings on EQD. Seems fair to call that "acclaimed", no? Not like I said "supremely divinely ultra mega wondergasmic" or something... : P
* Lye used to be extracted from wood ash, and is traditionally an ingredient in soap - hence Twilight's later musing about foals assuming it would be foamy or bubbly.
* Twilight has canonically shown an extreme tendency toward both shame and neurosis. She fears being ostracized for her powers (see Boast Busters), is terrified of letting those she respects down (see Swarm of the Century, Lesson Zero), and had few friends her age growing up (see S2 Finale). Adding an additional layer of magical "oomph" only makes her all the more anxious about being seen as something not-quite-equine.
*"Magick/Magicking" is what I use as the verb placeholder for "to use magical Unicorn telekinesis to levitate...". I am familiar with that lovable scamp mister Crowley, but in this case, it is used simply because "Magicing" doesn't work syntax-wise - see "Politicking", "Trafficking". I use "magick" as the infinitive of the verb for consistency, and to differentiate from the noun.
* The races are capitalized to emphasize their use to refer to separate "species" (not precisely, since they interbreed a little, but they seem appreciably different nonetheless), and also because in the strictest terms "Pegasus" is a PROPER name (like "Steve") and should always be capitalized anyway - like one would with "King Charles spaniel". Capitalizing only that race seemed odd, and considering the cultural heritages that Hearth's Warming Eve displayed, they ARE fairly close to regional/cultural demonyms like "New Yorker" or "Cajun". So, an American New Yorker, an Equestrian Earth Pony.
* Naming a character DIRECTLY after their Cutie Mark is something I don't generally go for when an alternative presents itself. Rather like with Ditzy Doo being given the NICKNAME "Derpy Hooves", I see "Screwball" as something others would call Topsy Turvy derisively - at their own risk, perhaps! : O
At any rate, thanks as always for taking the time to read and comment.
@Saddlesoap
ReplyDelete>Adding an additional layer of magical "oomph" only makes her all the more anxious about being seen as something not-quite-equine.
-But, you seem to forget the 'lessons' she also learned, from those same episodes (mostly thinking of the 'Boast Boster' one) ?
>also because in the strictest terms "Pegasus" is a PROPER name (like "Steve") and should always be capitalized anyway
-But, here, and in MLP:FiM in general we aren't talking of 'THE' creature called 'Pegasus'(very important detail there), but as the race/species... and also, at least when used in the 'general way' (and not when pointing their race/species inside more ''official'' situation(s)), I really don't think they HAVE to be capitalized.
>Rather like with Ditzy Doo being given the NICKNAME "Derpy Hooves", I see "Screwball" as something others would call Topsy Turvy derisively
-Mmmh... I suppose so.
But, Derpy/Ditzy are technically both official names for her (depending if you take, I think it was Faust/Sibsy who pointed at that mare being Ditzy Doo, while also acknowledging the name Derpy Hooves, like in the episode)...
Where was I ? Ah, yes... anyway, like many, Derpy/Ditzy's name seem to be ''situational''. One being used (as her 'real name') preferably in this or that situation/context, while the other one is used in other instances.
So... long for short (or whatever the expression is?) : I suppose 'Screwball/Topsy Turvy' could also fall in that category; even though I haven't seen it used often.
@Nova25
ReplyDelete* Lessons: Like that one time Rainbow Dash learned to not be vainglorious, and then never, ever, EVER acted that way again? (Oh, wait...) Changing one's kneejerk reactions doesn't happen all at once. It's something one needs to work on for a long time. The lessons are like moments of clarity - "Wow! I really need to chill out!" - but they don't instantly fix the problem. If they did, Fluttershy would have permanently been more confident as of Dragonshy. In addition, in Secrets and Lies, Twilight is subjected to deliberate and systematic psychological abuse by a sociopathic Pony abusing the skill-boost provided by a pranking/zaniness Cutie Mark to horrifying effect; she is, to put it mildly, under extreme duress.
* Pegasus: You saw the spaniel comment, right? Or Thomson's gazelle? Proper name is proper name. The term would technically be "Pegasus pony" if one wanted to be REALLY pedantic. But regardless, I already said (repeatedly) that this is a deliberate stylistic choice, not a grammatical error.
Secrets and Lies - Part2:
ReplyDelete>Big Mac made the doll’s head bob a few times as though it were speaking.
-Demonic possession ? Big Mac going crazy for unknown reason(s) ? Make your bet.
>In moments, Twilight had rearranged the basement’s contents to conceal the charred crater in the wall
-Huh... How about some paint ?
>“Nopony knows what happened. Nopony knows… and I’m not going to tell them.”
>“Do you really think you can do it, Miss Sparkle? Take a Pony’s life and then cover it up, just like that?”
-Well... sure, she killed one pony, BUT!, legally speaking ; it was purely in self-defense, and against a demented pony, one at the service of Discord, and in HER home, after several ‘’attempts’’ on her life...
The only real problem would be to link the various proofs to the ‘demented pony’, but I’m sure that capable *earth ponies* and *unicorns* investigators (I’m also sure the Princess could, at least, send the best ones she knows) would be able to trace that pony’s actions back to the crime scene, and that the unicorns must have useful detecting/locating spells, and maybe even some scrying spell too.
The investigation in safe and responsible hooves, Twilight would only have to learn to manage the guilt, with the help of understanding friends (after all, it was a demented supporter of Discord that attacked her in her home).
Yep. ... ... ...how do you bet this isn’t going to follow a simple logical path, here ?
>Pinkie continued undaunted. “I like to give that black crispy crust a little poke and just–” Pinkie mimed holding something up to her mouth and loudly slurped the air with her tongue.
-...classy -_-. Nothing beats bad taste ‘dark humor’, isn’t it ?
>Applejack turned as red as her big brother >when she turned to face Carrot Top again she all but fell into her eyes.
-AJ and Carrot Top ? Ah ? *shrug* Doesn’t remember seeing that one a lot.
>Twilight growled in frustration. “Pinkie! You CAN’T keep sneaking into my home and hiding things!”
-Consider yourself lucky. Usually, it’s adventurers entering and stealing everything that isn’t bolted to the floor or on fire... and even then !
>The Earth Pony began to shake. “You’ve never, ever, never-ever-ever hit me before!” Her eyes brimmed with tears. “Wh-wh-y-y-y-y?”
>Pinkie’s right front leg jerked upward. “Owww! Pi-ii-in-chy!” she whimpered, trotting in place on her three other legs as she sobbed.
-Accidents happen... also, come on ! Pinky Pie may be hyperactive and stuff, but she’s not a foal with a 3years old mental age. -_-
>Comedy is serious business! Have you ever been to the Joke Shop? The mare that runs it is kinda weird
-Can you spell ‘’convenience’’ ? I smell a LONG trail of them, in the nearby future.
... And then, some nonsensical ‘dream-like’ thoughts from overstressed-Twilight ...
>“Uhh… thanks. I’ll remember that, Derpy.”
>A look of tension flickered across the Pegasus’s face. “Um, really, m-my name’s Ditzy. Ditzy Doo.”
-*sigh* ...really, now ? That’s *necessary*, for the story or ANYTHING, in which dimension ?
>Twilight stared in disbelief. “Wh-what…?”
>Ditzy shook her head, sending her eyes whirling back out of alignment. “What?”
-Yeeeeah... What ? Is it supposed to be a reference to that more-or-less good(weird) secret-agent story, that I barely remember ?
>A book dropped off the shelf near her bed: Pursuing Pony Poltergeists – A Paranormal Primer
>Twilight swallowed hard. “T-Topsy Turvy…?” she whispered.
-Riiiight ? *roll my eyes*
-----
(copy/paste... Because, I’m really ‘not sure’ about this story.)
It was *something* to read, somewhat interesting ‘’in a way’’, but... I can’t exactly put my finger on the ‘thing’. Also, I’m just really not sure about where I theorize this is going to end up...
@Nova25
ReplyDelete''mixed feelings'' is one of the expression I might have been searching for, I think.
@Nova25
ReplyDelete* A lot of folks have suggested Twilight acted in self-defense. She didn't. Topsy was on the far side of the room and the stairs were behind Twilight. She could have escaped the situation with ease. The only reason she unleashed a lethal spell was pure and simple rage. And provoked or not, that's somewhat less easy to explain to "authorities".
* And yes, the scene with Ditzy is a reference to the previous series. Just like AJ being in contact with Carrot Top is. And TS's immortality. It's referred to as a "sequel" for a reason. o___O
Also, while I have often mentioned that I enjoy getting critiques (and even make changes when I think the criticisms are valid), I'd like to ask you to please try to find a way to make your posts a bit less....huge.
Your stream-of-consciousness bullet-points don't really makes your comments easier to follow, they fill entire screens, and they often ask questions which are answered later in the chapters. You needn't cite chapter-and-verse each time you make a remark -- context makes the source of your comments obvious (saying "during Twilight's talk with Ditzy..." is just as clear as a lengthy quote).
If that's how you take down notes, that's all well and good, but I would very much appreciate it if you could then take those notes and condense them into a single coherent review before posting. Paragraphs take up far less space than bullet-points, and are more enjoyable to read.
As always, thanks for reading.
@Saddlesoap
ReplyDelete>*A lot of folks have suggested Twilight acted in self-defense. She didn't.
-*Technically*, it WAS(would be SEEN as) self-defence, just with excessive use of force, but...
Legally speaking... considering the threat *AND* the location, she was in her *right* to defend herself. (No ''but, she's super powerful'' excuse, please)
I don't think her case would be a hard one to defend... provided that the proofs of the madmare's actions are correctly gathered.
>And TS's immortality. It's referred to as a "sequel" for a reason. o___O
-I'm not sure what you wanted to say there ?
Yeah, Twilight is not ''undead'', like the crazy mare said... *That* is what I said, no ?
For the previous ones... >It has been an insanely LONG while ago, since I saw ‘’this’’ group of stories... I can say that I probably forgot most, if not all of the small details, and even the big part of the main stuff...
>I'd like to ask you to please try to find a way to make your posts a bit less....huge.
-The length ALWAYS depends on the length of the story's chapters, and (mostly) on how much I ''get caught'' on stuff in them... they are made, mostly, as I read, after all.
They are NOT always that long. -_-
I do edit(refine) them slightly, when I can.
But, the perspective it offers, or the ''temperature taken at various points''(if you want to see it that way) can reveal things and potentially useful information that, otherwise, would not be apparent.
One read, and see whatever they think is worth something to them. *shrug*
Not every single point is something that HAS to be answered, anyway.
Secrets and Lies - Part3:
ReplyDelete>The Earth Pony smiled. “Well, it dee-pends on what you’re after, my leetle Pony.”
>“There, there. The confee-dentiality of an aesthetician is abso-loot.”
-What kind of ''accent'' is this ? And, what pony is that supposed to be ? ...one of the 2 Spa Ponies, Aloe or Lotus ?
I don't get why they should have a weird accent like that...
>“Ex-kee-ooze me? The sa-oo-na should be nice and hot.
-Seriously ? What's up with that weird forced accent ?
>A few moments passed, but Rainbow Dash was still across the street, chatting with Twilight about something.
>"C'mon - Rainbow Dash prolly just forgot about the meetin'. Let's go git her!"
>"Why bother?" muttered Scootaloo.
-...by the 9 hells... this is ridiculously contrived. -_-
>“A MAKEOVER PARTY!”
-Why am I in the impression that this ''party'' will be organize in Twilight's Library, if not literally in her basement ?
>Twilight froze when she revealed what was hidden on the shelf behind the pile of books. As the bitter scent of charcoal filled her nostrils
-Wait..? She's unshelving books, to place the newly bought books... this should mean that she's at the 1st level of the Library. The 'event' occurred in the basement, where she *store* old books, heteroclite materials, and her scientific stuff...
Is there confusion on the 'location' here, or does the ''stain'' magically transported itself upstairs ?
-----
Huh... not sure about this one. Not much things 'really' bad, but nothing 'that' interesting either...
@Nova25
ReplyDelete1) Watch Bridle Gossip. They talk like weirdos. "Eet's seemply lux-OOR-ee-ous!"
2) Not contrived. Just a little girl with fragile self-esteem feeling betrayed and undervalued. It REALLY doesn't take much to CRUSH a child's hopes. A single missed birthday or cancelled trip can leave a child in a bleak despair.
3) She was moving a PILE of books in the WAY of the EMPTY shelf on the main floor. And from her last line, it's heavily implied she reveals a NOT ruined-and-incinerated Discorduroy, bearing no damage but the singes from her original blast.
And AGAIN, would you PLEASE write in a more condensed format? I'd like to think I am WAY more welcoming of criticism than the typical writer, but you are filling whole SCREENS with comments which seem to dig as deep as you can to find fault, and which could easily fit in a single paragraph.
I have written more than 80,000 words in Pony Psych / Secrets and Lies so far -- would it KILL you to write a full paragraph instead of bullet points? :(
@Saddlesoap
ReplyDelete...
...
...I will be blunt here.
I have nothing against you, in any way/shape or form, but... come on !
I am not forcing anyone to sit, read and review any or every comment I ever posted, or every single points of every single comments.
I do not go out of my way to make them, not do I make them shorter or longer by intentional choice.
They are what they are, because of the way I read, think, wonder, theorize, reflect upon the story itself and its content, and put ***SOME*** of those thoughts and/or references to actual words.
And, I am not twisting your arm, nor I am trowing you into a ''guilt trip'' to accept the way I make *comments*.
-----
>would it KILL you to write a full paragraph instead of bullet points?
-1 large brick of mix messages and hardly discernible feelings instead of a series of short sentences with their related-reference ?
1$ for 4x25centes ? (aka: same difference ?)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteOkay, then if you have nothing against me, why won't write out a response to my stories like everyone else has?
ReplyDeleteYou're burying me in pile after pile of kneejerk, rough-draft, stream-of-consciousness complaints, without a single "I loved this part!" or "Awww... this made me sad! : (" and repeatedly refusing what I think is a perfectly reasonable request.
If you are LITERALLY unable to do as I ask and assemble your thoughts about each chapter as a WHOLE THING and tell me what you thought and felt about the WHOLE THING (which you never have and which is NOT the "same difference"), then could you at least add some bullets about what (IF ANYTHING??) you actually LIKE about my stories, too?
@Saddlesoap
ReplyDeleteYou are really taking all this beyond the reasonable amount of 'caring' a normal person would have about my way of commenting.
But then again, everyone is different... 1 author on the hundred I saw so far.
Don't take things 'THAT' personal, when it comes to 'commenting' ?
>You're burying me in pile after pile of kneejerk, rough-draft, stream-of-consciousness complaints
-If that's how *YOU* choose to interpret every single of my comments... well... I already explained myself PLENTY of times, and you seem pretty determined in seeing them like 'that' whatever I say, and so I can't really change your mind or say any more relevant thing on this specific subject.
Also... 'Catching/Keeping someone's interest' IS a positive thing, in case that one escaped you.
Personally, I find calm and civilized (discussions)exchanges of ideas, theories, and thoughts to be a relatively ''good'' thing... but again, different people - different reasons to go crazy.
ATTENTION:
ReplyDeleteAs I have mentioned elsewhere, I shall, barring the unforeseen, be attending Bronycon next week. As well as the chance to meet and get autographs from some awesome MLP FiM celebs, I am looking forward to meeting and greeting with fellow Bronies.
With that in mind, I decided to make it easier for folks to recognize me, since (SPOILERS!) I don't actually look much like a purple Unicorn when I am out and about. If you go to Bronycon and are interested in meeting me, keep an eye out for the guy wearing a "Saddlesoap Opera" badge and this custom Cutie Mark t-shirt:
Bronycon Attire!
(note: design is on the front and back)
There is a very good chance that it will be me.
Feel free to walk up and say hi!
« Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.
ReplyDelete-Buddha. »
« There are risks and costs to action. But they are far less than the long range risks of comfortable inaction.
-John F. Kennedy. »
« Freedom is hammered out on the anvil of discussion, dissent, and debate.
-Hubert H. Humphrey. »
-----
Secrets and Lies - Part4:
>Rich smirked. “Oh? As high as the demand for zap-apple jam? Or shoeing nails? Or sugar cubes?”
-Several well known Fashion and Music stars, in important places like Canterlot, know her and her work... I 'THINK' ponies might like to buy stuff from her, on occasions you know ?
>Uh, you wamme to put those books away for you?
-''Wamme'' ? It's a word contraction that exist for real ? Or, is it a strange local urban slang ? (not even the 'urban dictionary' is giving me something)
>“I did something, Spike. Something very, very bad.”
-This is very debatable, but whatever... It's just Twilight going crazy/heavily overreacting, so..? *shrug*
>“Spike, I don’t know how to tell you this, but–”
>“SURPRISE!”
-Does ANYONE ever liked that sort of 'continuously interrupted revelation' thing, in books or movies ; where there's always one Random Person X suddenly appearing just to interrupt (several times... as if it was a running gag or something) the important/crucial revelation of the main character, in order to stretch it throughout the WHOLE book/movie ? It's the second, third time now ?
>You’re more than just a nice Pony now – you’re the Element of Generosity, and I need you to stay that way!”
-Twilight Sparkle, doing the bad guys' job... by indirectly and slowly corrupting the Elements with tainted ''good intentions''.
Almost seems like it's the base for this story ?
>“I just want a little recognition – that isn’t un-Generous, is it Opal?”
-Huh..? What in the heck does 'being generous' and 'wanting some recognition' have anything to do with each other ?
>“Ah! Sorry if we woke you, Rarity,” said Filthy Rich.
>I figured we’d make a slight detour on the way.”
-There's trying to sell an idea to someone, and there's 'harassing someone until he/she accepts'... Rarity should really get a restraining order against him.
>“Did you see that, Opal?” said Rarity with a satisfied sigh. “Generosity at its finest!”
-Yep. Now, Rich is gonna hire a unicorn to extremely cheaply make hundreds of copies of this ultimate practical dress, since you directly gave him the idea... -_-
Also, surely, not every half-powerful unicorn can create full clothing from thin air(magic), right ? If yes, there would be virtually NO viable fashion industry possible(even if ponies, griffins, etc, don't wear much clothing), on this world.
>she gasped in surprise and tumbled down the staircase like a toppled statue.
>“Wooh,” she said, rubbing a fresher but milder bruise forming on the cheek below her black eye
-How do you bet that ponies are gonna, very predictably, overact and think Pinky Pie was attacked ?
-----
It was relatively... ''good'', overall, even if the 'continuously interrupted revelation' is getting a bit annoying. There's a limit on how long you can stretch a single plot point, while using the SAME way each time.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteIt's like a train wreck. Things just keep getting worse and worse, and you know how and why they are getting that way, but you can't look away.
ReplyDeleteI will say, though, that the Carrot Top subplot still just seems... odd. I'm not sure where you are going to take it (and, indeed, it is open-ended enough at this point and mostly been told from CT's point of view rather than AJ's), so I'm hesitant to comment on it; but when taken with AJ's actions in the original stories and the ending to Spellbound confirming why they were the way they were, that subplot just seems to clash with how she was built up originally.
« A sense of humor... is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.
ReplyDelete-Hugh Sidey »
« Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.
-Mark Twain »
« Anger, tears and sadness are only for those who have given up.
-Katie Gill »
-----
>She hadn’t been able to find the conspirators in the streets of Ponyville because they’d been above them the whole time!
>Thunderlane burrowed deeper under his pile of notes. “C-Clouds! Too many clouds!” he muttered. “They’re everywhere!”
-Misunderstanding #... at how many are we again ? 12 ? 20 ? ''Can't believe how many there are, it's getting weird'' ?
>Cheerilee’s expression turned from mania, to shock, to shame
-'Mania' about a piece of clothing -_- ... That's partially why I will never understand ''Fashion''.
>“ya can just call me Carrot Top, ya know. Most folks do.”
-...and will continue to do so until the end of time ! *shake fist*
>Applejack’s eyes widened as they passed over Pinkie Pie. “TARNATION! WHUT HAPPENED TA YER FACE?”
-Mmmmmh ? *raise an eyebrow*
>call the WONDERBOLTS!”
>“NO!” said Applejack. “Not them! This here’s Earth Pony business.”
-What the heck ? Did she became ''supremacist'' or something, since last chapter ?
Why does she throw a dumb sentence like that... or is the sentence just terribly formulated ?
>Applejack shook her head. “We dunno if we can trust ‘em.
-This doesn't explain her previous moronic sentence, about the ''situation'' concerning/being only 'Earth Pony' 's business.
>“Because…” Applejack narrowed her eyes. “The ones workin’ fer Discord are all Pegasi.”
-Ok now... why is she being 'THAT' stupid in this chapter ? I mean, yeah, being paranoid and all... ok... but *ALL* pegasi ? Not ''some are pegasi'' or ''those involved might be pegasi'' ?
Because... here(considering her reaction about asking other pegasi for assistance, like the Wonderbolts), she wants to exclude *ALL* pegasi from helping, with the way she's speaking (again, the way her sentences are 'formulated' might be lacking some clarification).
>Applejack frowned back. “Yeah, but how well do ya really know her? Where’d she come from? Who’s her foal’s daddy? An’ why’s she act so… well, derpy, all the time?”
-... *Glare mildly at the screen* Mmh ? ...
>I know better’n most – sometimes the truth can be a real bitter thing.
-Truth is a pretty relative thing, you know. Truth can be ''true'', real for some... until you *learn* it was a lie all along.
>“Fluttershy!” agreed Pinkie. “Wait… why Fluttershy?” She shivered so severely she seemed to vibrate.
>Pinkie Pie nodded sagely and then tap-danced in place, not giving the slightest sign that this was unusual.
-Ok now... that's like the 12th sign, and Pinky Pie (and the others) aren't paying attention to them, not even for a single second or a simple thought.
No way it would be so, especially for Pinky Pie. And, with the author actively pointing at them... every. SINGLE. of. them... like that, is making this become an annoying thing now.
@Nova25
ReplyDelete>a Pegasus mare should be fit but not overly muscled, and weigh less than nine stone.
-Stones ? What... ponies don't use 'pounds' or even ''grams'' ?
They may be ponies, but one would think they have heard of the 'metric system'... (they have technologies !)
>Because now I have PROOF! Because I’m so ugly and stumpy and FAT that I’m NEVER gonna fly! THAT’S why!”
-Please... tell me the author isn't going to use/make the 'girl/woman issue with weight' as a ''plot point'' ? That would be very stupid.
>“That dress! That incredible, amazing dress!”
>“I’ll pay anything!” >“I’ll give you my puppy!”
-Unless there's a spell on the ''dress''... I doubt people/ponies can be THAT insane about a piece of clothing, without intentionally exaggerating it a bit ?
>but if yer worried about bein’… heavy… can’t ya just get some exercise?
>“Sure! Or you could go on a diet! Rarity lost a LOT of weight a few months ago
>“Totally! I get it know…” Scootaloo held her head high. “To fly like a bird, one must EAT like a bird.”
>I’ve got some fat to burn! I gotta lose like thirty stones!”
-...errrrg... Well, I will be sure to not miss the author with this *Boot to the Head*. (Also, ''I get it now'', small error.)
Is he suddenly lacking imagination to a point of having to resort to SUCH a ridiculous thing as 'fear of being/getting fat' to create a ''plot point-or whatever'' ? Especially with a YOUNG girl(filly)/character !
>And now either she’s betrayed us all to Discord, or she’s so sick she doesn’t even realize what she’s doing
-And conveniently... they will ALL be against the only pony in the damn story that still has some brain left(excluding Pinky Pie, but the author nerfed her ability to understand her OWN inate Pinky Sense), and that could have introduce a WELL NEEDED breath of fresh air !
That, added with some of the other issues ; this chapter(added with parts of the previous one) is starting to irritate me more and more.
>“Yeah!” agreed a yellow Unicorn mare. “What nerve! Just LIKE a Pegasus!”
-And now, some ''racism''(or whatever the proper term for here) to the paranoia... the ''air'' in this story is starting to smell bad, and be somewhat uncomfortable(but, not in a good way, like in 'Dark' stories).
... And then Twilight manages to, somehow, convince ALL the other that Fluttershy must be *forced* into a psychological institute, while the other ignore Twilight's own behavoir... I have no word ...
-----
To borrow from TenchiFreak5... >It's like a train wreck.
Whatever was good, in previous chapters, is getting buried under tons of nonsensical elements, odd/ridiculous (or almost insulting) (mini-)plot points, and slow development... with little room to breath.
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteI hate having to spell things out in bite-sized chunks like this (it feels like explaining a joke), but this is really too much.
To answer your first bit up there:
YES, blast it all, YES something weird is going on! Why have you still not grasped this?
NOPONY IS ACTING NORMALLY. THERE IS A REASON. THAT REASON IS WHY A STORY IS HAPPENING. STOP BEING SURPRISED BY THIS.
A vicious, racist, Discord-worshipping psycho studied Twilight's diary and letters and formed a profile of her, and then used those insights to deliberately gaslight her into doing something monstrous to break her spirit and alienate her from her friends, in an effort to get Discord released. She KNEW Twilight was stressed about what the Element of Magic did to her, she KNEW Twilight can't handle stress without help, and she KNEW that when Twilight gets stressed and can't get help, chaos reigns.
With the Element of Magic broken and ashamed, the group's friendship is losing its cohesion. So, the other Elements are sliding down the slope with her, keeping their Element but losing their Harmony. It's a direct reversal of Pony Psychology's plot and that of the Season Two opener.
This is THE WHOLE DAMN POINT.*ARRRRRRGH!*
Applejack is obsessed with finding out the conspirators no matter what, and grasps at straws rather than risk ignoring something crucial. Her paranoia and witch-hunt mentality infect everypony she contacts, and she goes from friendly trust to suspicion and doubt and kneejerk prejudice. Honesty becomes accusation.
Pinkie is so Laughter-filled she's barely sane anymore, skipping along in denial deeper than that river in Egypt. She got a Pinkie Promise from the Element of Magic, and until she gets PROOF otherwise (like in the next chapter, actually), she will trust her friend's word even over her own body's cues. It SHOULD be frustrating seeing her do this -- she is turning her back on a fire alarm. That's the whole idea. And everypony she encounters feels less sure that they should act on any misgivings they may have. Laughter becomes denial.
CONT'D...
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteRarity is so fixated on getting Twilight to accept her Generosity and gift-giving that she has unwittingly distilled frustration and need-for-praise into thread and cloth, enspelling her customers like a want-it-need-it spell. I even mimicked Bonbon's EXACT WORDS from Lesson Zero (you know... the ones you QUOTED, genius?), and mentioned their eyes glittering like Rarity's cutie mark. It is REALLY obvious that something not-normal is going on with the dresses. Please read more carefully. Anyways, Generosity becomes enticement and self-aggrandizement.
Rainbow Dash is desperate to avoid failing - in this case, failing at being an Element of Harmony and failing to stop Discord's return. She has sworn a sacred Pegasus oath to stick with Twilight, and as said Unicorn becomes more and more unstable, Dash grows to regret her choice and resent Twilight more and more. And yet, Dash's staunch support makes everypony see Twilight in a more favourable light. Loyalty becomes burden and obligation.
And just like when Discord first broke out, Fluttershy stayed her meek, mild, kind, normal self until it was far too late to do any good, and suffered for being the nice one. Kindness is repaid with abuse and betrayal, and she is left alone and helpless.
All of these, to a great extent, actually mirror the negative sides of the Tarot cards from Pony Psychology (Secrets really do weigh heavy upon AJ and Dash really is following a friend to Pony Hell, for example). Again, this was on purpose.
And as for the Crusaders, the ripple-effect from the Mane Six reflects in their actions, helping show that the Elements' degradation is not limited to just six ponies. They are an illustration in miniature that the Mane Six are harming the whole town with their instability.
Scootaloo feels betrayed and worthless due to the loss of Dash's loyalty, Apple Bloom offers facts and supportive comments that either do nothing, are misinformed, or make things worse, and Sweetie Belle is able to bring gemstones and make everything worse because Rarity is busy obsessing.
And by the way, Scootaloo's body image issues are not ridiculous. She's a pre-adolescent girl on the cusp of what amounts to puberty for Ponies (with a sprinkle of learning to drive to boot, what with the freedom of movement flight provides), and several students in her class "developed" first -- both flight- AND CM-wise. And, with her self-esteem in tatters after being spurned by her idol, she's vulnerable to the unhealthy advice of a magazine aimed at snide fashionistas and starving runway models. Oh, and P.S., many fashion mags are imported -- sometimes from places that still use Stone (14 lbs. or so) as a measure of weight. Do you REALLY think Clotheshorse is printed in Ponyville?.
Anyways, I hope all that helps you catch up with the folks who actually read the story instead of skimming through it without digesting anything, looking for nits to pick.
Thanks for taking the time to comment. Always a pleasure.
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ReplyDelete« By not caring too much about what people think, I'm able to think for myself and propagate ideas which are very often unpopular. And I succeed.
ReplyDelete-Albert Ellis »
« I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
-Mitch Hedberg »
« New opinions are always suspected, and usually opposed, without any other reason but because they are not already common.
-John Locke »
-----
*Skip/Fast reading power - Activate !*
(later: for 5min...)
Secrets and Lies - Part6:
>or seen a drop in your talent at… butterfly collecting?”
>“…Um, and my Special Talent is taking care of animals.”
>Atypical CM presentation.
-Huhhhhhhh..? How's that ''atypical/unusual'' ?
''Because'' she has a 'butterfly cutiemark' this then MUST mean, and ONLY can possibly mean that she deals with butterfly ?
Yeah, let's forget the large amount of cutiemarks and the extremely diverse array of interpretations of their possible meaning(s)...
Say, Cheerilee ? How good is your talent at growing smiling flowers, now these days ? -_-
They should fire that psychologist... >said the nurse ...wait, nurse ? They let the 'nurse' do the evaluation ?
>The nurse cut in. “But no other Ponies? Just the pets?”
>Fluttershy frowned. “Um, well… no.”
>Living in severe social withdrawal
-...several hundred millions of people probably live alone. Might not be a ''rare'' thing for ponies.
Is this mental evaluation, by a nurse(and not a proper psychologist), done in a circus or something ? Did one of the patient introduced himself in the room, when nopony was looking ?
Personally, I bet on the last one.
>with concurrent animal hoarding.
-She's an *Animal Caretaker* ! Shouldn't they have that kind of files about their patient or anything ?
>The nurse raised an eyebrow. “Angel said that?”
>Fluttershy nodded.
>… and paracusia.
-...virtually any animal above a fish has a form of ''sapience'', in this world. It wouldn't be hard to imagine a rabbit being (easily) able to show/tell what he wants and stuff.
That nurse has to be a patient of the hospital... or she's totally incompetent, and prone to fast/too early-diagnostics. Probably more the 'incompetent' part.
>She imagined coarse Draconequus fur scraping against her side, a leonine paw patting her back, and a purring voice
-Yes, yes... she's completely crazy, and ALL her friends and family (will) have to suffer for it (we got that, like 2-3 parts ago). And, all this while no one is apparently smart (or perceptive) enough to find out about her problem despite experiencing a similar thing in the 'Lesson Zero' episode...
Next character. -_-
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ReplyDeleteI do excuse myself, for the deleted posts... somehow, something weird glitched on my side (or so I think ?), and my post where 'double-posted.
ReplyDelete@Nova25
>Twilight rounded on Dash, staring her down, and shouted: “She IS a madpony!”
>“She turned on us!” Twilight continued. “On ME! She hid that doll here just to torment me, and she was making another at her cottage!
> Dash gritted her teeth. “I don’t care! It was WRONG!”
-Yep. Twilight is totally well in her head, there's nothing wrong with 'THAT'. It's her way of handling her friend Fluttershy that was 'wrong'. Just that. -_-
Yeah... Twilight is hiding it SO WELL ! *roll my eyes*
>“P-Plee’v…” Fluttershy slurred around the bit and bridle strapped to her head, “Hhl’f mhh…”
-The fuck ? They are gagging her, because she's CRYING ?!
I may not be an expert of psychological Institutions, but I'm pretty sure GAGGING a crying patient isn't a default procedure (even while considering the incompetent diagnostic of the ''nurse'').
It's not like she's biting everyone, or trying to swallow her tongue, you know.
>Dash growled in irritation. “WHAT damage? Some dolls? You keep talking like everything’s a big crisis, but YOU’RE the only one acting strange!
-*Gasp* EGADS ! A pony DOES have some 'perception' capabilities !
>“HE MADE ME KILL SOMEPONY!”
-*double-GASP* EGADS !! Overdue revelation ! ...in the middle of ''nowhere''(technically speaking)... randomly and suddenly ''breaking'' like that...
Still, it's a pretty underwhelming way to finally ''open'' it.
>“I believe you. I KNOW you’d never mean to do something like that, Twilight. All of us know that.” Dash narrowed her eyes. “What makes me sick is… you lied anyway.”
-*cough*-> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ytCEuuW2_A
>“Yup! Palfrey’s Nightshade,” said the nurse with a nod.
>“B-But it’s poison!” said Fluttershy.
>I said I was gonna set you free.” The nurse giggled a cheery giggle punctuated by a snort.
-... ... ...soooooo, the(a) ''doctor'' (who we aren't told if he is or not a real psychologist) of the mental ward/section of the hospital never figured out that the ''nurse'' was a psychopathic 'nut' ?
This is the worst hospital EVER !
>Fluttershy drew back in fright. “Y-You aren’t Nurse Sweetheart.
>“Hello Fluttershy!” she said with a cheery wave. “My name’s Topsy Turvy.
-Necromancy, ''magical-unexplained'' teleportation, inverted (and contrived) deus-ex-machina... take your pick.
''I choose you ! : *Boot to the head*''.
>So, nope – you’re gonna sit there and eat your berries, and then you’re gonna die!”
-Of course, it is well know that security, in a MENTAL ward, is essentially non-existent. Indeed...
>“It’s hard enough tryin’ to lose all this weight without you two ganging up on me!”
-Oh... I had forgotten that one idiotic sub-plot... darn...
>(Opens door and trots through the halls, attracting the patients’ attention)
-And she starts singing, seriously ? ...Yeeeeeah, when I said 'no security', it was a ''joke''.
They aren't in medieval age, you know ? There HAS to have security cameras, or at least a (few) guards patrolling around.
>(Ambushes guard as he turns a corner, kicking him hard enough to make his head crack the opposite wall)
-Believable like craaa-aaa-aazy !
>…and then closed her mouth around the bunch of berries on her meal tray.
-"Please, sir, I want some more."... *Drop dead, ''because poisonous berries''*... ''Mmh. Well, that's gonna make this story quite shorter ?''
-----
Well, I was half-right on my bet. Now, where's my half-money ?
Overall, it was... 'ok', I guess.
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteNova25, I don't know how else to put this:
Stop being a jerk.
You don't HAVE to like my writing. You don't have to read it. And you ESPECIALLY don't have to comment like this.
But if you're going to criticize practically every line, I would REALLY like you to say something that will be of ANY use to anyone other than yourself, and to do so in a less rude and sarcastic manner.
Something like the first twenty of thirty lines of your critique here is literally POINTLESS, since, as you found out, the "nurse" making the unfair and exaggerated preliminary assessment was DOING THAT ON PURPOSE BECAUSE SHE'S EVIL.
If you CLAIM you aren't just drooling out these comments as-you-go without editing them, WHY are those earlier comments there?
You keep doing this. WHY?
That is what I mean when I complain about your stream-of-consciousness posts. What use is an incomplete, inaccurate understanding of the chapter? Why tell me this?
If there is nothing I can do to make you stop wasting enormous amounts of space with these ">HERP - DERP" style comments (and again, I hate it that you do this), can you please, PLEASE, freaking FINISH the chapter before you START your comment?
Again: I DON'T CARE how you felt while you read EACH SINGLE LINE. NO ONE DOES. And by the end of your critique, HALF of what you type early on is rendered irrelevant ANYWAY.
I care how the WHOLE CHAPTER, and eventually, THE WHOLE STORY, hit you.
Your reaction to a single line BEFORE you read what comes after is no more relevant than your reaction to a single F-sharp out of an entire sonata.
Stop. Doing. That.
If you aren't just a Troll, STOP.
@Saddlesoap
ReplyDelete>If you CLAIM you aren't just drooling out these comments as-you-go without editing them
-Seems like there's a silly misunderstanding here.
I always said (at many places..) that my comment(s) WERE done as I read a story, reacting to the very lines I'm reading... not that they weren't ?
And, I do recall saying that I only edited them lightly, before posting... to trim them a bit/clear minor grammar error/clarify some elements/etc... but JUST a bit, to not alter the *initial reaction* of the reading experience.
>I DON'T CARE how you felt while you read EACH SINGLE LINE. NO ONE DOES.
>I care
>>I
-*YOU* have your way to see things (obliviously incompatible with mine), but at least I don't pretend to ''encompass'' the whole Internet into it.
My thoughts, my way to do/see/think things, my actions.
Your thoughts, your way to do/see/think things, your actions.
>If you aren't just a Troll, STOP.
-What's that ? ''Stop doing what I don't like, or else you are a troll'' ?
-----
(General statement)
Apparently, very little people understand or try to understand the apparently ever-so strange concept on personal reaction-commentary toward a media ?
I swear, it's not THAT hard to imagine, but... Almost. No. One. Gets. It !
Ever watched a series/episode that had 'good/bad' stuff in it, speaking to the screen when weird/improbable stuff happens ?
Ever damn watch a sport match on TV, and REACTED to the match, the ongoing action, yelling at the dumb moments of X player(s), rooting for a side... I don't freaking know what else I can't put to help explain the point !
And how do a lot of people react, usually ? Threats, insults, trolling, ''I will kill myself'' stuff, dirty sarcasms, to name a few... The Internet. Seriously.
Not the best place for real-proper 'conversation'...
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteYou don't want me to overstep by assuming consensus? Fine.
This comes from me, personally:
Unless you are doing this on purpose to be upsetting, STOP.
I get what you're doing. I get the analogy. I understand the whole "visceral, as-it-happens response" thing.
And I am telling you it isn't helpful or interesting. It isn't feedback I can use to improve as a writer. At ALL.
You suggest I don't understand. Honestly, I do. But until you have read the whole chapter... YOU don't understand.
Any reaction you type up before the reading is done is inaccurate, or at the very least incomplete. Don't you get it? It's "old news." As soon as you read a little more, it no longer matters.
Why does it matter if you were confused at first, when the chapter reveals more as it proceeds? Of course you don't have all the facts... before you have all the facts. That's obvious. Why post a response that is incomplete? The only possible answer I could give to each one is just "KEEP READING."
These confused, outdated viewpoints change within a page or two of reading, thanks to new info, and I KNOW they will change. Anyone who read the chapter knows they will change. The second you type it, it's "outdated" information that you yourself amend a few lines down.
"Why does Darth Vader seem so interested in Luke? He's just some farm boy... DUHHH?"
......
"Oh, so he's Luke's FATHER? Outta the blue, much?"
I know how some people yell at the TV. And I know it's irritating as hell compared to having an actual conversation about the show AFTER the episode is over.
I actually do want your opinion. I want everyone's opinion.
But I want them to finish forming it AFTER they read everything I give them.
Until you do that, everything before your last couple of lines is based on only a partial grasp of the whole picture, and thus NOT HELPFUL.
And you tell me "a lot of people" react negatively to this... thing... you do. Have you considered it might be because of what I just explained?
Have you considered being a little more considerate to folks offering you free entertainment?
Have you considered that refusing to listen to reason might make YOU what's wrong with the Internet, not the people you piss off over and over and over?
You want to see the SUM TOTAL of what I could actually USE in the way of feedback from your latest review?
"Overall, it was... 'ok', I guess."
That was line #1 of your review. That was an ACTUAL opinion. Everything before that was the NOTES for your review. The rough draft. The sketch. The blueprint. The raw materials. The DON'T POST IT, IT'S NOT DONE part.
If you aren't just trying to get a rise out of me, next time, START at a line like that, and then proceed with your informed, completed, sensical opinion.
Please. S'il vous plait. For Celestia's sake.
Just TRY writing a review AFTER you read.
Even just ONCE.
@Saddlesoap
ReplyDeleteI cannot 'NOT' be me.
But... I can pretend to be someone else, more to your liking, here, if I really must.
One story. One mask. *shrug*
« “I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
ReplyDelete-Marilyn Monroe. »
« “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
-Oscar Wilde. »
« “The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.”
-Elie Wiesel. »
« “I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living.”
-Dr. Seuss. »
« “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
-Jim Henson. »
-----
How about some music for the ambiance ? Seems appropriate for this story/chapter...
Death Death Devil Devil Devil Evil Evil Evil Songs : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-5PBudefOE&hd=1
-----
Secrets and Lies - Part7 - What You Sow :
Summary (so you don't have to invest energy in reading and understanding the rest of the *comment*) :
-A number of weird things happened...
-Apparently, Ponyville doesn't have any security forces, by any definition of the word... or any remotely competent, by any standards.
-Racisms... a bad thing to use in any story, not just because of the subject's bad taste, but also because 'racisms' is REALLY not an interesting thing.
-Everypony in Ponyville is apparently quite dumb, except Carrot Top and a handful of ''secondary characters''. Maybe it's something in the water ? It also makes Spike forget he can 'breath'.
-Jails do not exist in Equestria... apparently... or a proper system of justice, for what it matters. -_-
Except for the 'not sending dangerous *pony* to jail' part, the ending was actually far better than over 3/4 of this second series.
-----
Secrets and Lies - Part7 - What You Sow :
ReplyDelete>“At this rate, we might actually get the place back to normal!”
-Yeah... a guard was just killed. Just need a quick broom, nothing special. No need to get the proper authority involved, and find out how stuff happened...
>a small, red-stained yellow feather shot out of the straw and embedded itself in his neck.
>A warm, syrupy numbness crawled its way through his limbs.
-Eating poisonous berries, in last chapter = homemade 'blowpipe+tranquilizer', and perfectly fine Fluttershy, in the following chapter.
...that makes sense ?
>Topsy grinned a sinister grin. “You Screwheads are all the same – underestimating the big, dumb Mudhooves who grow your food
>Well, Buzzards mighta got the wings, and you mighta got the horns, but we… GOT EVERYTHING ELSE!”
-''Buzzards''... ''Mudhooves''... We are in Harry Potter now ? Also, racisms... yeah, ''totally'' needed that introduced in the story. -_-
>Spike was there, cradling a broken arm.
-And absolutely not contacting THE pony in the whole damn world that could help them now... with his *magical 'message sending' dragon breath*... You know ? Celestia ?
>I’m just a b-baby…”
-Celestia...
>I wanna save her, b-but I’m not big enough, and I… I...”
-...need to contact Celestia ?
Seriously, people often don't even care to invent any excuse, to explain such big hole(s), like why Spike wouldn't do one of the most obvious and easiest things in the world... and/or why he couldn't do it, and/or why Celestia wouldn't be reachable, etc... (And don't give me the ''oh, he's very stressed/traumatized now, totally can't do it'' excuse)
>“I just thought ya might wanna know that right now yer friend Twilight is tearin’ up downtown in a ruckus with some Earth Pony. An’ she’s losin’ the fight
-And apparently there are no competent figures of authority, or ANY at all, in Ponyville that could intervene. Of course.
What ? They don't have a 'police' system, in this dimension ? Don't believe in 'security forces' ? Anything to enforce laws and keep citizen safe ?
A good note though... Carrot Top seems to be the only pony with half a decent brain, around these parts, it would seem.
>“I know Diamond can be a hoofful at times, but confidence and ambition are important for a filly – and I discipline her when she crosses the line.”
-Haha, good one. ...wait, he's serious ? Must be once every blue moon then ?
>“You think you can take me? You ever faced an Earth Pony who wasn’t holding back?”
-*Urrrg* ''Earth pony'' does NOT mean ''super-titan-of-strength''... And, as far as we know, she's an average earth pony, not an extreme bodybuilder.
>then stomped down hard. Mud exploded out behind her, taller than the surrounding rooftops
-Complete nonsense.
>Topsy closed her jaws on the wing’s leading edge and then bit down until she felt a crack.
-Yeah, yeah... delicious vicious wing-bone breaking and whatever... Done so much, it falls flat, honestly.
>Pinkie Pie trotted back into view, dragging Topsy Turvy by the end of a lengthy spring-snake coil tied around Topsy’s hooves and gripped in Pinkie’s jaws.
-Well... finally a good moment happening. It took a hell lot of time, but it happened.
>“The townsponies aren’t falling to Chaos… they’re feeling as upset and unappreciated as you were when you conjured all those dresses!
-What a twist ! M. Night Shyamalan would be proud... *cough*
>pressed a front hoof to the imagined scar on his forehead.
-Derpy/Ditzy is Harry Potter in disguise ?
>The sphere rocketed outward, propelling Topsy up and into the horizon in the blink of an eye.
-Yes... let's choose the dumbest and stupidest option possible.
Let's not remove this massive threat to the nation's and the WORLD's security... let's not even imprison her in a freaking secure *JAIL* in Canterlot !
Seriously ! BRAIN ! They have one !