[Ultra] [Eternal] [Prodigal] [Furious] [Very Big] [Sonic] [Fearless] [Perpetual] [Heroic] [Epic] [Legendary] [Adventure] [Normal]
Author: Sir Ostentatious
Description: "Ultra Eternal Prodigal Furious Very Big Sonic Fearless Perpetual Heroic Epic Legendary", or UEPFVBSFPHEL (oopfivebsifpehel) for short, stands as serious journey that should be taken as seriously as possible. In order to avenge the untimely loss of my dead father, I take it upon myself to follow a bed time story once told to me and make it my life's purpose and quest! Seven beasts of Hell reside across Equestria and I shall be the one to most handsomely and victoriously destroy them! With every head I collect and every good deed I do, a new adjective will be shown to me from the heavens, further propelling me onward on my quest!
Book 1: Part 1: Chapter 1: Episode 1
Book 1: Part 1: Chapter 2: Episode 1
Book 1: Part 1: Chapter 3: Episode 1
Book 2: Part 1: Chapter 1: Episode 1
Book 2: Part 1: Chapter 1: Episode 2
Book 2: Part 1: Chapter 1: Episode 3
Book 3: Part 1: Chapter 1: Episode 1
Book 3: Part 2: Chapter 1: Episode 1
Book 3: Part 2: Chapter 2: Episode 1
Book 3: Part 2: Chapter 2: Episode 2 (New!)
Additional Tags: Adjectives make the world "Better"
125 comments:
WOW.
ReplyDeleteHahaha, what the christ.
ReplyDeleteha that's.......wait, what?
ReplyDeleteYES.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry my brain accidented itself after the fifth word... What?
ReplyDeleteDem tags
ReplyDeleteI thinked this was an Zetta Hero Project: Unlosing Ranger VS. Darkdeath Evilman parody before i readed the whole damn title.
ReplyDeleteI think this is missing the word satire
ReplyDeleteTags much?
ReplyDeleteThe title and description interest me, but I'm scared that it's not tagged "comedy".
ReplyDeleteASGHAHGHSADJSJDS, sorry had a serious mind-attack there.
ReplyDelete@Torg
ReplyDeletebut its labeled as comedy.
@dwarfyz Huh. So it is.
ReplyDelete@Torg Yeah, if this isn't comedy, then I'm not sure if I can or want to read this...
ReplyDeleteHmm, scratch that. Then I guess I'm reading it!
ReplyDeleteThose tags... That title. The first couple pages...
ReplyDeleteI cannot handle this level of distilled, over-dramatic awesome.
TAG OVERLOAD
ReplyDeleteWat. Looks like somepony got a little tag-happy. This will be interesting. I think.
ReplyDeleteNo shipping?? What is this, I don't even!
ReplyDeleteMy mind is so full of fuck right now
ReplyDeleteHmm...I'm not sue what to think of a story with such excessive "tagging."
ReplyDeleteAlso the Normal Tag is what got the biggest laugh out of me
ReplyDeleteThis is why you don't let the people who write dictionaries get into fiction.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I do applaud this author's effort to get his story noticed. Well done.
ReplyDeleteHoly tags.
ReplyDeleteWhat in Celestia's name am I looking at right now?
ReplyDeleteYou have my attention.
ReplyDelete@TheIdlingRev
ReplyDeleteNothing about this has anything do do with my name! (sorry, I couldn't resist)
Either way, tag explosion, don't think i'll read this, I like my IQ the way it is.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteye gods
ReplyDeletethis is
i dont even
what
MALFUNCTION, MALFUNCTION.
ReplyDeleteALL my wat.
ReplyDeleteI will actually read later.
I could hardly get a whole page after realizing the Marty Stuness of this story. Bravo, I say. Bravo. Still can't beat Spiderses though.
ReplyDeleteWat...
ReplyDeleteOh Celesta, a pony who's special talent is purple prose.
ReplyDeleteI'm scared, hold me....
TL;DR
ReplyDelete*goes to read fallout: equestria*
@JR
ReplyDeleteEe-nope.
Ok either I don't get what it is based on or it's a parody of every fantasy story cliche.
ReplyDeleteSo many big words. So many tags.
ReplyDeleteI hear by declare a new tag to be made. The rainbow tag. So it saves time.
I will attempt to read later, but I am not a clever pony so this may mind my break.
*Casually places this in his to-be-read queue.*
ReplyDeleteBecause seriously, THAT many tags CAN'T be bad.
No really, this is hilarious just by the title and description already. Can't wait to start it, but I'm currently on a crusade to get caught up with all of Fallout: Equestria, side stories included.
@Jelfes
ReplyDelete^
It can't be said much better than this, folks.
I have never been so attracted to one story by title and description alone.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, I love the internet.
ReplyDeleteThis... this is one of those times.
I swear, I was listening to this when I saw this on ED:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhTL3sOINKY
What the Buck am I Reading?
ReplyDeleteI like it.
New spiderses eh?
ReplyDeleteWhat.
ReplyDeleteApparently, the number of adjectives in a title is directly proportional to the amount of awesome in a given work of fiction.
ReplyDeleteOh lawd.. What is this I dont even..
ReplyDelete[Ultra] [Eternal] [Prodigal] [Furious][Sonic] [Fearless] [Perpetual] seth wtf does all these tags mean how can a fanfic be ultra or eternal
ReplyDeleteTry again.
ReplyDeleteIt´s mindblowing, either it´s just total hay, or deep between the lines lies a big thought. Though it is a awesome read.
ReplyDeleteWell, that's one way to get peopl-Er, ponies attention XD
ReplyDeleteWhat? I... what?
ReplyDeleteThe ending theme to God Hand must be the mandatory background music to this fanfic. Now excuse me while I go and find myself another brain--my old one accidentally itself when I saw the title of this post.
ReplyDeleteI... I don't...
ReplyDeleteWords cannot express.
I think the only tags for this story are adventure and normal the other tags are just restating the title
ReplyDeleteThe Odyssey and The Tempest references in one chapter? Count me in!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, this is hilarious.
Bucking index cards out of NOWHERE!
ReplyDeleteThis guy, Purple Prose and all, stands next to the likes of Kamina, Haruko Haruhara, and Chuck Norris in terms of sheer word count alone. It is as if one took Afro Samurai, The Dark Elf Trilogy, and Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo and mashed them all together into one pony.
Also: this version of Equestria seems to be in either the distant past (and those were the ancestors of Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy we met, and that bag of seeds is where the Everfree Forest came from), or the future (and those were Twilight Sparkle's and Fluttershy's descendants we met, and something bad happened to the Everfree Forest). Only time, and yet more Purple Prose, will tell.
Meanwhile, I think I'll take the time to read something a bit lighter and shorter, like War and Peace or all of Fallout: Equestria. Maybe even some hardcore Shakespeare. Yeah, some light reading...
Ye gods this is worse than the first chapter of tale of two cities.
ReplyDelete[Sonic]
ReplyDeleteAs in Rainboom or the spiky rodent?
Woh. I think the gravimetric distortions of that many tags alone drew me into reading the three chapters.
ReplyDeleteMy mind, while it did make the senses fully of this and what came in went through was well understood, such cognition perhaps was aquiesced at the cost of my disambiguation of brain bending perception?
I could perhaps call this creation 'insane' but such misconstrued dubbing does not do it the great and dramatically appropriate justice it deserves.
Despite everything, and there is a hayloft full of -everything- as this story goes, the subtle wording tid bits and unemphasised single line brilliance otherwise obscured by the radiant lustre of UEPFVBSFPHEL's splendour is absolutely amazing. There's subtle undertones playing in this that are unanimously ludicrously well juxtaposed with the prominent currents presiding throughout UEPFVBSFPHEL.
How could I not follow this most serious account now?
@Celestia
ReplyDeleteJR said "Celesta," not "Celestia."
We need to find a dainty-sounding, piano-like instrument.
I hope this one can beat spiderses. My computer might accidentally if it is.
ReplyDeleteI suppose it should be explicitly stated that this is not in the same vain as Spiderses, in the sense that it isn't so bad that it's good intentionally (or as TVTropes would say, "Crosses the line twice,") but is more of just over-the-top parody that one might have expected from Monty Python or Kurt Vonnegut. It's absurd, beautiful, and earnestly hilarious. Everypony who likes comedy should give this a read.
ReplyDeleteI don't trust oddly tagged story posts. Not since Spiderses.
ReplyDelete...
Oh, what the hay. At worst, I can say I died from something pony related.
My friends, this is no mere Spiderses. In fact, this is not even a trollfic, despite the ponderous title and tags. This is something like nothing you've ever seen before.
ReplyDeleteWhat begins as a "YOU GUYS, YOU GOTTA READ THIS NOW IT'S AMAZING" parody of bad writing quickly hints that all is not as it seems. I won't spoil anything, but suffice to say there is a fairly tragic subtext in this story, if one only thinks about things for a moment. Chapter 2 is where I caught it, but you could potentially figure it out in the first part.
This, my dear friends, is genius. I only hope the author can keep it up.
This, i dont even.
ReplyDeleteWhat is this I don't even
ReplyDeleteI lol'd at the tags, I hope this is comedy, imma read it.
Wacky Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man
ReplyDeleteNope, name's still the longest title I've seen
Title is too bland. You need more of an attention-getter.
ReplyDeleteSo I'm guessing that Felicity was one of the Beasts?
ReplyDeleteAlso guessing that Ostentatious' father was a really vicious criminal.
I don't know what this is, but I know I want to read it.
ReplyDeleteAn odd story, no doubt. Very odd.
ReplyDeleteI've met enough literary smartponies to know that this will be worth my time. *adds to long list*
ReplyDeleteI'm far too drunk to be reading this
ReplyDelete...
ReplyDelete......
.........
............
*Checks Calendar... no, not April First*
>_o Ow, Christ. My brain just imploded reading this.
http://www.myfacewhen.com/64/
ReplyDeleteBrilliant satire. It could not possibly be anything else.
I'm not sure if it's the writing style that makes this seem like the most amazing thing I've ever read, or if it actually is the most amazing thing I've ever read, but I love it.
ReplyDeleteSir Ostentatious' dictionary-like vocabulary combined with his actual skill in writing makes it feel like I'm reading the story through the eyes and brain of someone much more intelligent than myself, which is quite exhilarating. I honestly wouldn't care whether this was a satire or a serious story of overly-hyperbolic proportions. The depth or shallowness matters not as long as I can remain fully immersed in it.
On that note I think that at the end of Book 1: Part 1: Chapter 3: Episode 1 we've just barely begun to see how deep the literary pool actually goes. I can confidently say that this story has the potential to live up to the expectations set by it's many, many tags. The interesting and versatile characters, ridiculously creative descriptions, and mysterious and fascinating locations all come together so well that I find myself utterly blinded by their combined brilliance.
As I sit here clutching my eyes in pain and wishing I could be there myself, the mere five stars which I offer are a pittance compared to what this story deserves at the current time. It surpasses the rating system and soars ever higher into the endless void of space.
Consider another companion to your journey won Ostentatious. I'll follow wherever your adventure leads you.
@Chicken Vortex
ReplyDeleteYeah, there's something about Ultra Eternal Prodigal Furious Very Big Sonic Fearless Perpetual Heroic Epic Legendary.
Anyway. I already loved this story but such a glowing review from the author who got me into fanfiction make me like it even more.
the description made me think it was a self insert fic written by blueblood
ReplyDeleteThis story is extraordinarily well done, but I don't understand why there is no [satire] or [comedy] tag here. The overly inflated descriptions that suppress the nature of his character is exceptional and very chracterizational. He hides behind his own narcissistic interpretation of his nobility despite his true actions. This is true comedy of arrogance.
ReplyDelete/Megustaface
@Chicken Vortex
ReplyDeleteExactly what I thought, good sir.
Ooh. Update.
ReplyDelete*later*
Why is this so good? It makes no sense why I like it so much?!?!?!
Book 2: Part 1: Chapter 1: Episode 1 continues impress me, though the tale is much like a rabbit trail in a grass field, in that it is a bit hard for my meager powers of comprehension to follow, I am nonetheless left feeling what can only be described as windswept. I stand in stoic contentment as I watch the winds of literary genius which you cause to surge around me bend and form in oscillating waves the delicate green blades of this great grassy field to your creative visions. Such is a thing beauty.
ReplyDeleteAlso the blunt conversation between Ostentatious and what I imagine to be an ancient ronin-esque version of “Ice / Cerulean Starlight / Owen Yuar / Stefan Maganete / Cerulean Ice/ Ziggy Stardust / Icy Baronstar / Northstar / He of The Many Names,” I found quite humorous. Memorable even. Good job.
Ooh a big fight scene. Looking forward to it.
ReplyDeleteUnless I'm just missing the joke, everyone commenting seems to truly believe this is a masterpiece. If so, I must be either too stupid or too smart to get it.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI don't get it either.
ReplyDeleteIt keeps getting better on every level from subtle to spectacular.
ReplyDeleteIf Chicken Vortex is anything to go by (and I'm fighting to keep my own words plain and direct here) than the superflux of descriptions are infectious.
..."Superflux?" Egads, It's got me too.
Great story, noble Sir Ostentatious.
Hark! Listen well and understand that there is no understanding to be had! Only feelings to be felt and heroics to be jubilantly displayed for each of our own unique cerebrums to consume and digest for our enjoyment. For what can logic do against such reckless hyperbole?
ReplyDeleteNay I say, or more so neigh. For this story has caused me to colloquialize until I am a little horse. Revel instead of resist! Perissology instead of pessimism! For what I lack in understanding I make up for with compliance, and as Sir Ostentatious grows in renown with every adjective he collects, so shall I grow more metaphysically conceited with each comment I leave until even I am left to wonder what exactly I was getting at. Until then, however, let me speak plainly.
I just... really like it! It's fun to read AND fun to write AND fun to have trouble understanding! I've never gotten to look up so many interesting words before. Keep up the good work Sir Ostentatious. The end of book two was as good as ever.
The main appeal this story has, Ergo Cogito, is the author's overly florid use of prose and descriptive adjectives. It adds to the characterization of Sir Ostentatious (the name should be obvious enough) in a way that is comical, rather than excess baggage.
ReplyDeleteWow.
ReplyDeleteI've only gotten through two chapters so far, but the prose and writing is just magnificent. Really captivating, but also a little confusing. Which is the point, I suppose. :P
As for the story, it's like a pony version of Don Quixote. You know, self-important main character goes out on noble quest and makes a big to-do out of every thing he sees.
This was an incredible experience. The prose is infectious, the pace brisk, despite it's purple quality, and the characters likable, funny, but still possessing a certain unnamable quality, being more than mere vessels for the narrative.
ReplyDeleteColor me impressed. Many great things wait I of what is yet to come.
Suddenly Michael Jackson lyrics.
ReplyDeleteWoe is me! I only posses the opportunity to indulge in one chapter of the glorious work!
ReplyDeleteThis story has gotten to my head.
Besides the point, this story is most certainly amazing after just one chapter. The colorful vocabulary is simply amazing and the delivery is at once interesting and hilarious.
I have too many fanfics to read, but this is going near the top.
It reads like Mojojojo.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great chapter, and I'm gonna finish reading it!
ReplyDeleteBut Thunder Beef is worst pony name of all time. OF ALL TIME.
Good morrow all!
ReplyDeleteI wanted to express my sincerest gratitude in everyone's support and enjoyment of my silly little tale. Hopefully I'll be able to keep up the charade of absurdity for the next 93 installments or so. I'll just keep going till this is longer than Fallout Equestria and then abruptly end it.
Thank you all for reading!
And Thunder Beef is best pony (name).
Wanted to mention I found it extremely difficult to picture the events happening in the last 2 paragraphs of the latest update. I understand WHAT happened. I just can't SEE it due to the way it was described.
ReplyDeleteYeah I've heard that and that the scene in the alley ways was difficult to picture. It seems I imagined the image of it yet it did not translate well.
ReplyDeleteMy idea for the dystopian and cluttered architecture of the home and the layout of the streets in general, which I believe was faulty and the main reason people are being disconnected from the story, demanded too specific of an image from the reader. Even now I cannot describe the exact layout in one coherent sentence, which is a problem.
I'll overhaul most of the scenes in the streets as far as traveling and descriptions are concerned in order to clarify the events of the story and not leave people wondering why there are so many doors and where they all are from.
New chapter was great with the others getting to add their voices.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to the showdown. And info on the pendant.
Bella is best writer
ReplyDeleteThe adventure forms like a diamond in the earth, only much faster. The chain links of my heart are torn away as unbridled talent scribbles out the "NO" on my NO SOLICITING sign with the sharpie of truth. A vandal, yes, but still the most welcome of guests.
ReplyDeleteThrough a dozen eyes we see into the minds of half a dozen heads, and through the bars of the fearful cage of the faceless a call is heard. The unanswered call from the unlearned teacher echoes through the empty halls to the ears of the deaf, but still it is sounded, and so it shall be until every barrier crumbles from the force, and the voiceless find voices for their lungs full of words.
I am inspired; instructed. It is has often been said when the evil are threatened with death, but now rises to the throats of heroes. So I say shatter the tempered chains of monotony. All are called, slaves and masters, and all must answer. Shout it while standing on the crumbling walls of society. Let it boil your blood and rise from your soul in billowing torrents of crimson steam: "If I'm going to live, then I'm taking you with me!"
Holy mother son of a description. Trying to decipher this story is going to be as hard as understanding my first sentence.
ReplyDeleteThough the writing style is refreshingly unique, it doesn't warrant the 5 stars. But it's fun to read these stories every once in a while.
Let me tell you right now, this story was amazing.
ReplyDeleteBut then I read the part where a Michael Jackson song was referenced.
At that point, the story became one of the most wonderful things I had ever read.
Loved the Chaplin reference. Can't wait for more!
ReplyDeleteWhy would one eye an hourglass,
ReplyDeletewhen times can just as easily,
be spent walking through snowy fields?
Figments of relativity.
Yet I still watch as small grains tumble,
one by one through glassy pit,
and form in my mind that great desert,
where the gray Goliath sits.
In likeness so is my form set,
and waits with endless reverie,
for that day when he leaves the oak,
hoof in mint hoof with victory.
Still love the story Sir Ostentatious. I hope it updates again soon.
With the holidays, I've just been lazy and ignoring my writing, but now I'm back in the saddle!
ReplyDeleteExpect an update within the week.
And here it arrives! Like the opening of a music box it ushers in with its unique tune dreams of things to come. Indeed I had missed the dim twisting of the strings of story into your yarns of moral fiber. And now as sails are set seaward with sufficient supposition for similar serendipitous circumstances I must simply solicit my sincerest support for the succession of exciting situations which are surely soon be seen.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say more is that my curiosity is piqued, for "very big" can encompass so very many things.
The Hunchback of Notre Dame reference is noted and appreciated.
ReplyDeleteAlso, was that a Pokemon: The First Movie reference?
ReplyDeleteAnd Bon Jovi AND Pat Benatar?
ReplyDeleteApparently I should read the entire chapter before commenting.
Why doesn't this story have more stars?
ReplyDeleteI've only read the first chapter, and I think it's hilarious! I read the entire thing in Brian Blessed's voice as well. A good sign.
ReplyDelete@Sir Ostentatious
ReplyDeleteMy head... hurts so much... after just one chapter a week. It's a vocabulary overload, utilizing words I haven't even seen in decades, my poor one-dimensional brain in desperation recalling the preponderance of grammar learned at a tender age before settling within a designated discipline of my choosing, that which happenstance took away, lost ages past to the straightforward simplistic styling of science literature. Not for complexities' sake are written the tomes of theories physical and factual biology; neigh good sires, ease of comprehension best fits the structure required for those who unravel the mysterious molecular machines which distribute the forces of life throughout cells. A simple sentence, written plainly, is desired for articles of science sent to publication rather than a mountainous narrative with jagged peaks of razor-sharp soliloquy.
And that was about all I could manage, a-cause I haz dum tyme nowZ. Me brane am asplodes. :B
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAre we allowed to post errors in reading flow in the document? I just want to make sure I'm not considered a pain by suggesting improvements.
ReplyDelete@White Ink
ReplyDeleteNo way! I encourage any and ALL criticisms on my writing, be they minor grammar issues or questions on concepts in the story. I allowed comments for a reason and would love you dish out any kind of comments you have. I actually really appreciate the time taken to not only read, but to correct what does now flow right or read properly, since I'll surely miss it in my own editing.
Please, don't be shy about comments within the document!
You have no idea how excited I am to get back into this story! Picking up where I left off, book 2!
ReplyDeleteSINGLE TEAR
YES I HOPED THAT WAS WHAT THIS FARM WAS. At long last, we have a canonical foundation to place this upon. Also this presents intriguing world building concepts, the like of which I was not ready for. This story continues to live up to its family and do what has to be done by it.
Oh god, did he just name his attack? That's priceless.
The dialogue in this story is just incredible. I am humbled by it to lengths that the knowing wink of narrative cannot hope to achieve.
My god, the episode titles crack me up continually.
Ew, nihilistic deconstructionism.
HARMONIOUSLY FLOWING MANES
I'm in 2.1.1.3, and I have to point this out: heroin is the drug, the word you're looking for is 'heroine'.
These lands you're sending us to are fanciful and original.
Dat Smooth Criminal reference. Oh god, he cast magic missile at the darkness. XD I can't take the references!
I love how the suggestion of the artifact's fragility is worded.
"A lovely plot advancement" what? So Osten is sort of collecting the adjectives of the story's title as some sort of... title? I still have no idea what most of this story is at, to be honest. XD
"I'll teach you a new move." I just adore these sort of video-gamish, self-aware hero's quest shout-outs.
His father's name was Ostensible? I am forever amused by this. Not to mention by pretty much everything else. "I did not see that coming" for instance.
Only a rock farmer would be allergic to coal.
Sirocco is the Joker now? Gads.
Thunder. Beef. o_o
This whole hiding of stallions is very strange. I'll have to admit, I still have little idea what's going on in this story, as I fear I may be missing important things. Yet, the journey remains an entertaining one, and for that you have my as-yet undying readership.
Oh, now what a turn of events this is! A switch in narrator? I've never seen the like! This story continues to surprise, and as she struggles with the narration, amuse. :D
And again! Bella is best narrator. That you're able to pack four different, very distinct voices into this chapter is brilliant.
This is a damned good speech.
I now regret that this is the last chapter currently in existence, because I don't want to stop reading! D:
Why did it take me until now to figure out what "Elyograg" means? GROAN
And now all becomes clear! It wasn't that I couldn't follow the story after all, I simply didn't have all the puzzle pieces.
Another homonym error: chords are for music, cords are for pulling.
A convenient exposition incantation! XD I love it.
LASERS! YES!
SINGLE TEAR
...MIND CRUSH? XD
I cannot help but laugh at the tears-bring-the-hero-back thing. That's incredible.
Augh, dem Bon Jovi lyrics. And Pat Benatar! At least you have good taste in music. This personal journal is amazing. This story is amazing. You're amazing. I'm pretty sure I'm somehow amazing my extension, perhaps for having read this far. I can but excitedly await the further adventures of Ostentatious and his growing party.
@Alondro
ReplyDeleteYou make me sad.
If this story is trolling my soul...
ReplyDeleteI don't want it to stop.
There's something magical in your writing.
Oh, the homonym "fails" might be intentional. The example of 'cords' is in a sentence talking about strings, after all. Visually double entendres, or such.
ReplyDeleteDid you just bust out Charlie Chaplin?
ReplyDeleteYou did?
You did.
You sir are a heroic hero of heroism.
Oh man, whatever happened to this story? D:
ReplyDelete