• Story: My Little Metro (Update Part 18!)

    [Grimdark][Crossover][Sci-Fi] Metro 2033 and ponies?! Madness I say!
    "A stunning example not just of post-apocalyptic worldbuilding, but of storycraft in general."- Pre-reader #23

    Author: RedSquirrel456
    Description: The metro tunnels of Stalliongrad shelter the last remnants of ponykind from the ravages of the Apocalypse. Beneath the earth, ponies struggle to survive against mutants, radiation, and each other. But when an unstoppable threat emerges from the darkness of the Metro, one pony must brave the shadows to save not just his home, but the very existence of his people.
    My Little Metro (New Part 18!)

    Additional Tags: Adventure, OC, dark, not Fallout

    123 comments:

    1. not first,

      lol "not Fallout"

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    2. Boy, talk about your obscure crossovers.

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    3. Metro 2033 = Awesome

      Now we just need a STALKER fic.....

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    4. I knew someone would make a Metro 2033 crossover fanfic eventually...

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    5. I'm angry that this exists.

      I'm angry that I'm angry that this exists.

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    6. i have a name so i can beAugust 11, 2011 at 1:03 PM

      i have the weirdest feeling Kkat is just somewhere laughing like a maniac

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    7. I'm anxious to see how this turns out. I wonder if any other bronies have read the actual book that the game was made after

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    8. now i need to finish playin metro

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    9. @Triscy

      actualy, that's quite a large book series here in russia, not just a game.

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    10. I wondered whether this would ever exist. Have a feeling it will be a little too depressing for my tastes however.

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    11. Holy shit, I was just thinking about this crossover

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    12. Wait, are the metro trains pulled by ponies too?

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    13. giggling at the ghosties doesnt work in metro 2033

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    14. Just so everyone knows, the "not Fallout" tag is just me being facetious. :3 If anything, Fallout Equestria and its spinoffs is what helped inspire me to do this.

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    15. I've really liked the setting of the game. Hopefully this will be just as good!

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    16. Two words: Black Librarians

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    17. So is it based on the book or the game?

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    18. @ Anonymous

      Neither, really. I haven't read the books, but I am a huge fan of the game. I'm mostly hoping to keep the "feel" of Metro while doing what I can to make this a visibly Equestrian setting (just with the dark factor up to 11).

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    19. I actually wanted to get this game, but I heard the human AI is a load of garbage. Thoughts?

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    20. This game is the most underappreciated piece of awesome ever conceived. I toyed with the idea of writing a crossover, but went with Halo instead as I'm more comfortable with that.

      I'm going to read this now. You will either become my favourite author or my worst. Nothing personal.

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    21. I hope this is a Crossover to the book, I hate the game, its nothing like the book and its story sucks

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    22. So we have Fallout and Metro 2033 fanfics all thats missing is S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl.

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    23. @Incorporatedstates
      TBH the human AI isn't really an issue. It's a good game, like a linear stalker, but movement and gunplay is very clunky (think fallout 3).

      You can get it fairly cheap though, so give it a go.

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    24. The giggle at the ghostly was so well done I cracked out in laughter halfway through the scene, just dropped in there so subtly.

      Also you epitomised Hunter's badassery, I thank you, and I wanna see more later on. :D

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    25. This is friggin' awesome. I'm looking forward to the continuation.

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    26. So far so good. Hope you end it with the canon ending.

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    27. Please tell me im not the only one who read this with a thick russian accent. Also I HATE THE LIBRARIANS!

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    28. THIS IS SO AWESOME. It's so awesome, Princess Celestia is somewhere bashing her head against a wall and destroying random towns because she's not as cool as these ponies. That's how awesome this is.

      .... :O

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    29. It's good but something the writer didn't noticed, Metro 2033 takes place in Moscow, not Stalingrad.

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    30. My Little Metro,
      My Little Metro,

      Ah ah ah ah ahh ~

      My Little Metro,
      I used to wonder what 'surface' could mean,
      My Little Metro,

      Until you all came up to it with me,

      Communism,
      Tons of snow,
      Some beautiful ice,
      Anomalies abound,
      Surviving here, it's no easy feat,

      And Nazis make it all complete, yeah,

      My Little Metro,
      I think I hear some Dark Ones coming now ~

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    31. @s

      I think I love you.

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    32. Holy Square dancing fluttershys, I JUST beat this game like 10-15 minutes ago, which was like 4 hours after this thread went up on EQD... Im officially creeped out... jk

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    33. @z0mbieaardvark

      Read it. Pretty interesting book, especially first part.

      Now what we got there? Russian ponies with vodka, balalayka and shapka-ushanka?

      Most read))

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    34. Here comes a poorly made logo! http://i54.tinypic.com/i405kg.png

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    35. Considering I've read both Metro 2033, 2034, a good bit of the surrounding side stories, and have played Metro 2033 the game about 30 times through. I here by give you the official biggest Metro fan's seal of approval. I love you for doing this.

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    36. I didn't read it yet, but the game Metro 2033 has a awesome story.

      If its similar, I'll be a big fan. Gonna read it later.

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    37. I'm not done yet.

      When I was a little colt-ie,
      And the sun still wasn't found,
      The darkness and the shadows,
      They were all but my hometown,

      I'd wish to be in Riga,
      Scared by what I saw,
      But Khan advised this wasn't the way,
      To make it through at all,

      He said 'Artyom, you have to follow me,
      Listen to mantras,
      You'll see, just don't touch them,
      Watch Latin make them disappear'

      Ha, ha, ha.

      So, giggle with the Ghosties,
      Guffaw as the creepy,
      Cracks up in the pipes,
      Nosalises aren't that scary,
      But Anomalies make me pukey,
      Snortle with the spooky,

      And you can tell those big ugly hostiles to take a hike and leave you alone and if they think they can kill you then they've got another thing coming and the very idea of such a thing just makes you wanna hahahaha....

      Laugh!

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    38. Ok So I've read what you have written and so far it is superb! From what I've seen you have chosen to follow the game's plot instead of the books plot. This brings me to my main point... and biggest problem with your story: you’re following a premade plot. While I absolutely love the stories of both the book and game, there is much more that can be done with the world made by Gluckhovski, you don't have to (And I discourage you from) follow(ing) the story created by him or 4A games. It would be more meaningful, and show your creative talent if you could take the world which has been created by 4A and Gluckhovski and create an entirely new story... Though I must admit, if this follows game's story, it will still be great. (I'm sorry if I come off a bit harsh, I'm just stating my points as a critic). On the positive side the story is immersive and there is deffinatly the dark foreboding atmosphere that we have all come to know and love from the book and game. You have done a great job capturing that feeling in the characters interactions and feelings. Also you have the best spelling and grammar I have ever seen in a fic. Seriously I didn't find a single mistake. Now, finally, I want to make a suggestion. You mention alliances and stations such as the "Hoofsa" (Hanza), "Poniopolis" (Polis), etc... Well I'm assuming that your using the map of the Moscow metro provided to you in the game, so I assume you have a good idea of the layout of the Stalliongrad metro... well most people don't, and spouting these names aren't giving us any idea of where they are relative to other stations. So I suggest that you take a map of the Moscow metro, or if you are redesigning the metro to suit your own story draw a map of your version of the metro, and label all the stations and which stations are controlled by which faction. It will be like in the book where a map of the metro and all its factions are provided for the reader. Trust me; knowing where everything is helps a reader out a lot! Anyway I think I made this comment long enough, so I'll just wrap it up by saying that I did give you a five star, I love the premise, and I'll be eagerly awaiting more updates.

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    39. Well... there was already a ''kinda Fallout-Metro 2033'' crossover...

      I guessed it was just a matter of time, before someone made a full *Metro 2033* crossover.

      ... I saw the full game, and I can't help but wonder ''How'' this will be played, exactly ...

      We will see.

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    40. I played the game, and LOVED every second of the story when the gameplay wasn't getting in the way (lol). I really want to get the book but it's not available on Kindle sadly.

      Ah look forward to reading this :D

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    41. Do want moar. Do want moar nao.

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    42. Read Chapter I, like it very much. Gonna read Ch2, when I come home.

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    43. This is definitely promising.

      The protagonist is introduced well, it is definitely releatable to, nothing too exceptional, but it surely works.
      The world surely looks glum and scary enough - I confess the depiction of the alicorn's attacks and consequences has crept me out, that was really well done. The war reins technology was also quite interesting, that's a nice addition over FO:E techs.
      I was just waiting for a fight scene to decide the real worth of such a fic, though, and it came, and it was definitely something. I am pleased ^^ and Hunter is totally badass, pity this will probably be the last we'll be seeing of him (until very late in the series, anyway).
      The fic assumes a minimal of knowledge of the Metro games given the passing mentions to things like the Librarians), but that's nothing a good wiki on another tab can't fix.

      All in all, you've definitely caught my attention. 5/5 stars, will be back for more.

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    44. CH.1 :

      >The sky has been burned black, and clouds mock us with rain so cold it burns.
      -Well, I remember the sky being covered with a good cloud cover, but the Sun and Moon are technically still there in the game... they are simply above the clouds.

      >There are no Elements of Harmony here. No hope of help coming to us.
      -I know it's still early, but...
      I wonder how much time passed ? Why and against who the ''War'' was ? And, what happened to the Princesses and the 6 Bearers of the Elements ?
      And most important of all... will 'Hunter' have a russian accent ?

      >“Is there a hero somewhere (...) Someone who holds out a hoof and turns back time?”
      -Too bad it's not 'Singularity' ? ...hmmm, Celestia:America - Luna:Russia (Lunar Republic)... Seeds for a potential story anyone ?

      >how can they do that when the air above will destroy them in seconds?
      -Surely, it's just a misconception the 'kid' has, right ? If not, this will make for a short 'Metro 2033' crossover.

      >“The Princesses. They looked like the Princesses.
      -So... The 'Dark Ones' here are alicorn ''ponies'' ? Huh, I guess ?

      ... well, kinda Intro-Chapter. Hopefully, it will be bit more like the game, and they are gonna go Outside (mask, filters, etc... I know) a few times in this story ? ...

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    45. CH.2 :

      >“Lockbox, you could pass for a Ranger, the way you never talk clearly,”
      -Foreshaaaaadowiiiing ! (more or less)

      >they’ll be the ones six feet under when I’m through with them!”
      -I wonder... Does he have 2days before retiring ?

      >They got a burst of restlessness and need to start using their wings.
      -Well... I doubt the tunels and station are 1 m3 in size ?
      Surely they can 'hover' a bit, and maybe have small sections of the place that are arranged for them (even if not that big) ?
      >Stations usually had a large room set aside just for pegasi to work off all that energy, a “flight room.”
      -Ah... Well, like I said.

      >if Equestria wasn’t a poisonous wasteland.
      -Probably just the majority, but not all of it...

      >“It’s good to see you both,” he said, his deep voice reverberating in my chest.
      -No russian-like accent ? ...owwww :( ...

      ... Mmh, it's well written and relatively interesting so far. I wonder how close it will follow the game, and kinda hope that the Celestia and Luna factions aren't handled 'exactly' in the same fashion as in the game (Nazis VS Reds) ...

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    46. I like it.

      Hope you will go with an own story however. Bascially borrowing some things from Metro 2033 is fine but take over everything and it will be a bit boring.^^
      For example, don´t let that guy go alone. He´s an earth pony and not even in the militia like his friend. If Starry and Sunny would help him on his mission, then that would be really great.
      Cause i love how you portrait your charas.
      Just two chapters and i already like everyone of your OC ponies and i usual don´t like OC ponies so soon. :)
      The mode of the story is very well written as well and your explanation are done in a very reasonable and for your crossover of Metro 2033/MlP world fitting way.
      Like that Pegasi needs to fly somehow or else they´ll go crazy.
      Or the War reins so that ponies without magic abilities can shoot as well.
      Or the whole magic technology. :D

      Hope you will continue this story very soon. ;D

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    47. Is metro a good game? thinking about reading the book. Also, love the tags X3

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    48. Here comes an extensive comment-as-I-read feedback, brace yourself! :p

      -----------
      The next morning found me staring at my Wall again. - The atmosphere of the first scenes are easy to grab, and the glumness, the danger, can be felt clearly. I only find it a bit lacking that I can't visualize those cramped quarters properly, perhaps it lacked a clearer description of those at the beginning.

      But that was the nature of faith, I supposed. - I like how ponies can keep level-headed in the face of all that, That's just the way they'd go about ^^

      But today, it seemed my faith was failing. I didn’t believe enough, or Hunter wasn’t strong enough, because he did not return. Alas, Hunter, you were not meant to be in this story for long. Too Cool to Live and all that. I enjoyed it while you were here. Or maybe he's just captured, and some rescuing is planned to happen next?

      I raised an eyebrow. This conversation was supposed to have been over a while ago. “Yes. Well. See you on the caravan, perhaps.” - Loving how his anti-social disposition actually shows up naturally, like here.

      There seemed to be only one appropriate response. I turned back and went to his desk, moved around it to his side, and gave him a one-legged hug around the neck. He returned it after some hesitation. - Wonderful scene here, he did just what he had to.

      ...I hadn’t even begun my journey, and already my doubts were piling up. - Wow, you're really developing Lockbox's thoughts well, I love the depth of his wanderings.

      I think it’s because she’s a firm believer in eyes being the window to the soul. - Again, wonderful train of thought.

      “Canterlot was a fine place,” the storyteller started as I strummed a slow, melancholy tune on the guitar. ... - I can definitely see the appeal of listening to such a story. It also makes sense that only a storyteller would savor and save all the details of it.

      He raised an eyebrow and turned to stare at me as I left. He seemed confused, even as I smiled at him. Starry Gaze would hurt for a while, but this was for the best. - You know, I'm really start to love Lockbox. It just works as a character.

      militia uniforms had to have anything and everything attached to them for use in any situation. ... - It's details like those that make a story alive for me, it's thinking things through.

      Later on, we came to a checkpoint. It was a small area where, out of courtesy, other travelers along the line dropped off supplies like bullets and pure water. - Sounds... very stealable. Aren't robbers of any kind about?

      My world went dark for a precious few seconds as instinct kicked in. ... - Wow, this scene is... so good.

      My mind was gone. My body was all action. ... - I swear, this fight scene is a bucking shot of adrenaline to me.

      ... The last thing I heard was a loud thud as my body rolled to a halt, and then the sound of cart wheels and gunfire receding into the distance. - OH SNAP! I did really feel this one fall.
      --------------------

      So, what to say, this story is...GOOD, much so in fact. I may be in a better shape lately to appreciate fics, but damn, this chapter has grabbed me, and it keeps pulling!

      That's truly a stellar job you're doing there, and I'm loving every second of it, but for me, it could get better.
      I really need some better description of the places, of the metros, of the common rooms, of the wagons, I do need a context in which to visualize those awesome scenes. You're doing a superb job with Lockbox, but it feels a bit as he's immersed in a blurry world, not enough defined to snap into clarity. I keep thinking of FO3 metros... but I know I shouldn't, this kind of metro environment feels different, more cramped.
      Mind me, I may have overlooked the actual descriptions, and if so, I'd gladly like to have them pointed out, but if not, please help a brony who hasn't played Metro 2033 enjoy the most out of this fic. :)
      Keep up the awesome, RedSquirrel.

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    49. Written good, but the thing that bothers me is that you story follows the story from the video game. I believe you should read the original book (it's really good) to get some thoughts about how to make your story more than just ponyfied game. Like the world of Metro is not consist only of Communists and Nazi - for example in the book there is a cannibal tribes leaded by professor, who invented a religion about worm god, who made all tunnels in the endless ground for people to live. This will work with Equestria better than commies vs nazi. And there is a lot of such things in the book. Even the surface is not winter ruins, but rather a wild mutant forest.

      My advice - read the book, go deeper in the Metro, write your own storyline (even if the beginning is the same) and good luck!

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    50. Re: Ch3: This just keeps getting better! :O I'm always shocked at how quickly all those words go by when I'm reading. It's like, "Holy cow! How am I going to read this many pages by the time I need to go-.... WHAT, IT'S DONE ALREADY!? BUT I NEED MOAR!"

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    51. For those interested...I haven't read the books myself but the game is one of my favourite fps games.

      The strongest point of the game is that you actually feel like your the main character, living in a metro system with all the dank and tunnels with the depressing reality of life bearing down on you.

      The levels are quite linear point A to point B paths, but there are many places to explore (which often reward you) along the way and, in my opinion, does linear level design good justice.

      The gunplay is slightly clunky but realistic. The magnum gives a satisfying and resounding boom as the mutant that was charging you takes a round through the chest and drops to the floor. Even the fact that ammo is scarce on the first playthrough greatly contributes to the atmosphere of the game as you use you bullets sparingly and get frustrated when you miss or waste ammo.

      The voice acting is fantastic, making great use of heavy Russian inflection on the English dialogue just further pulls you into the metro.

      There are(when humans are involved) multiple options for approaching combat situations, either covertly taking out patrols and guards with throwing knives and silenced weapons, blowing out light sources or shooting out the lightbulbs themselves, or just going in guns blazing. Also whenever you go above ground you have to wear a gas mask that has a limited supply of filters which spurs you to act faster but doesn't hamper gameplay.

      The greatest flaws would have to be:
      1. The AI is a little too perceptive of you when sneaking around and not perceptive enough when you shoot out lightbulbs.
      2. The graphics(if you can call this a flaw) are of quite a high standard and will require a reasonable system to ensure a quality playthrough even on medium settings.
      3. The moral choice system is pretty black and white and only pops up sparingly.
      4. Some people feel that the gunplay is a little too clunky.

      Oh yea, the story is very good as well =D.

      Just my 2 cents on the game. I would definitely recommend it if anybody asked for a good immersive FPS

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    52. And for my opinion on the story...

      Absolutely fantastic and had me wanting more and more. Definitely looking forward to the next chapter!!!

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    53. I have never played Metro or read any of the books, so I am approaching this story completely ignorant of the crossover source material. That being said, I am captivated. Your OC ponies are real and likable, the environment and harsh realities of life are well described, and the story is riveting. The end of the latest chapter had me breathless and really eager for the next part.

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    54. Well you've managed to keep my undivided attention for three chapters, and I want another.

      I'd just like you to know how extraordinarily rare that is.

      Also I started off reading this in Artyom's voice, and by the end it was Reznov's from CoD. Oh welp.

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    55. I disappointed in everyone for not getting a good My Little Metrosexual pun out of that title.

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    56. Ooooch, so no original storyline. :/
      Too bad i had really hoped for a LockboxXSunny SideX Starry Gaze team to save the metro and the world and basically everything. XD
      Ofc with one or two deaths and such. <.<

      Cause you know, you fleshed Sunny and Starry out so very well, it´s a huge shame to toss them aside after three, very good, chapters. D:
      I mean how will Lockbox survive without his understanding friend who fix his antisocial behaviour and is a god at the gun? Or how will he get through magical closed doors without Starry´s magic, besides her lot of other useful talents she got with her Horn?

      Oh and btw, Lockbox comes over as an antisocial and kinda asshole like loner: I LOVE HIM! 8D
      Though it´s funnier how he always say he wants to push Starry away, but then does things like showing her that he remembers her gift, putting it on the guitar, knows how she thinks like despite saying that they have not much/nothing in common or that he feels guilty later for giving away the trinket/hurting her and is even ready to apologize to her IF he returns.
      And if she´s still alive at that point of the story. D8
      Hope Sunny made it out alive, that ending didn´t sounded like anypony expect Lockbox is still in one piece. >.<

      Oh well, it´s your story but i sure hope you won´t make it too much after the storyline of the game. As the others above me already said, take your time, read the books, the wiki and get deeper into the Metro world to give it your very own pony touch.
      You already did a good job as that for the background and the charas and their daily life, all that´s left is that the story feels less Metro2033 like adn more MetroPony like.^^

      Also alot of thanks for the fast update. :)

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    57. Oh yeah, chapter 3, I am excite. :D

      The emotion in the beginning of this is so great.

      Thumpers, oh my god. And look at the gap between the last comment and this one! Totally engrossing. And man I love how you write action. Agh, and what a cliffhanger!

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    58. @Trollestia

      I did! I read the book.
      And also played the game.

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    59. This is amazing! I can't wait for part four! This cliffhanger is really on my nerves and I won't be able to stop thinking about it!

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    60. Bucklyn sound definitely un-Stalliongrad-ish. And Primare Donna loses a rhythm of a pony name at the expense of a pun - which are not that frequent in pony names (as opposed to toponyms). Prima Donna would be just fine.

      But the pony aspects are well-crafted into the story, I give you that, and the writing is good.

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    61. Don't worry everypony, there will be no more very clear following of the game's story after this chapter... there may be a few character parallels simply because those characters had such great impact on the story, but I do have my own ideas and such to make this its own world. I am glad however that this is such a hit!

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    62. Yes!! now we wait for the update complete to this and Metro Last Light comes out and a few months Later...Were gonna go underground and shit's gonna get real.

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    63. Do I have to read the book to be able to fully enjoy the fic?

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    64. But you can enjoy the book. It has much more complex story line that game (and so this fanfic)

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    65. Never played the game or read the books, but nonetheless I'm absolutely loving this. It's beautifully written and, as stated by others, your grammar is superb.

      After investing the whole of my night into this story, I have to say, if Sunny Side does go feather-brained I will be a sad, sad pony. The way you described that particular sort of mental breakdown was rather haunting.

      Lastly, the friendly chemistry and interactions between Lockbox and Sunny Side are great. It really does feel like I'm spying from afar upon two friends who really, truly care for each other. Being the dark, contemplative sort he is, Lockbox really does need a good friend and companion, and it's good to know he has one.

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    66. Stalliongrad is an awesome name!

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    67. Holy crap, chapter 6! Sweeeeeeeeet, now I've got something great to read while waiting for tomorrow morning and season 2 to fucking get here already XD.

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    68. Well with the new chapter up, I hope the story is starting to rev up. Sorry for taking a while. We've only just started the journey after all. Thank you everyone who read and gave your time, it makes the effort all worth it!

      Do not worry about spoilers too much; I do so love getting play-by-play reviews if someone feels like writing them.

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    69. Next chapter is on the queue. Also, very belated thanks to Flamerunner for the logo, I at last decided to use it as the official story picture. I guess I'll call it my first fanart (squee).

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    70. You know i just want to say... This is one of my favorite fanfics I have ever read,thank you for writing this

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    71. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    72. @s

      Tune's a little off, but otherwise awesome.

      Wee, been waiting for this next chapter!

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    73. @FennecFyre Thanks. Want me to do another one? I'm thinking of something along the lines of 'Winter, Wrapped Up'...

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    74. So is this based off the novel or the game? (both of which are really good, I'd highly recommend them to anyone)

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    75. @mdude009

      Pretty sure it's based off of the game. Although, the author did say that he was going to take it into his own direction at some point, which should be really cool =).

      Also, yay, chapter 7! *Reads immediately.*

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    76. I'm very excited about chapter 8, which just updated. It probably fully established the grimdark nature of the story, in my opinion.

      And, it's... only partially based off both the novel and the game. It does have its own, separate story line that will resemble in some ways, but not match, the stories of both game and novel.

      @s

      Please, keep them coming. You deserve a medal for those songs. XD

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    77. Reading chapter 8 right now? If either Celestia and Luna are listening, please don't force Lockbox to make a decision like this =(.

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    78. Continuation: Okay, just finished chapter 8. Near the end, for obvious reasons, I was ready to start crying at any given moment. Fortunately, my face was allowed to stay dry as what I can only describe as a "miracle" happened.

      @RedSquirrel456

      Congrats on another excellent chapter, you keep me on the edge of my seat the entire time! You pace your story splendidly, the action compelling and Lockbox's narrative constantly foreboding. Looking forward to chapter 9! =D

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    79. Weeeeee, three comments in a row for me! Not that that's what I've been intending to do, mind you.

      Okay, so chapter 9, first of all I loved it =D. Why "crazy stuff going down" has pretty much been a constant throughout all of the chapters, the crazy stuff this time around was decidedly more subtle, which I thoroughly enjoyed. The group's new member is quite enjoyable, particularly in that infamous "character that clearly knows more than they're letting on but refuses to speak in any way that reveals too much" sort of way.

      SPOILER ALERT!

      Maybe...?

      Personally, I'm hedging my bet on the new pony being a Dark One. I haven't played the game or read the books, so this really is just an educated guess. Or maybe not educated. Maybe just a wild stab in the dark. Either way, I can't wait to find out! =D

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    80. holy shit metro is a amazing game and i think my heart stoped for a few seconds when i saw that especially becuase im playing that game right now

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    81. also i intend on reading the entire thing with my best russian accent

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    82. Chapter 10 was a slug-fest with writer's block, but I am happy with how it turned out. Thank you all who are still reading! And extra special thanks to all my commenters! Feedback is a staple of any author's diet. :O

      Unfortunately I cannot reveal anything about the nature of those Lockbox bumps into without revealing plot points! But then that's the point of the story, isn't it?

      Crazy stuff going down is unfortunately already a big part of Lockbox's life... don't expect things to get better as he delves deeper into the Metro and confronts the true face of how horrible things have gotten.

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    83. You have no idea how much I've been looking forward to having the time to read this story again. And now I have 6 chapters to catch up on, which means an entire novel's worth... I'll be at this a while. D:

      Chapter 4! Ahh, and it's all coming back to me now. I love this shocker thing; nifty little magical doodads like that are always fun. Dreaming of show-Equestria? I never thought I'd see mane cast members in this fic. Love the part about the bullets. Yesss at the Twilight reference.

      Excitement! Adventure! Chapter 5!

      Whoa, this cat thing. c.c The horrors of the Metro are becoming far too real. Dropbears, oh my.

      That... Is a hell of an anti-theft system.

      So I like Sid. I can take his constant catchphrasing because he doesn't seem to be quite all there. And the ending of chapter 5 is great. Lockbox continues to be a fantastic character, and that's what keeps this story so riveting. Well, aside from all the tense action and incredible atmosphere, of course. :) With luck, I'll be caught up to chapter 10 by the end of the week!

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    85. Picking up where I left off yesterday: chapter 6. I need to remember that line about craziness being the only way to entertain yourself when you're alone. Even after all he's seen and done, Lockbox's unerring optimism may yet be his greatest strength. That's what I refer to when I say he's a great character. He's the one thing grounding this in the pony series we know and love.

      I'll just say it: it's great to see the Pie line alive and batty.

      This flashback/fever dream with the final transmission cut through and through is fantastic.

      Hooray for earth pony magic. :D It's one of my favorite themes.

      I love that the ponies still have pony-like names. I mean, there's slightly more darker, underground names like Lockbox and Sidewinder, but then there's Blue Bird. I mean really, Blue Bird? He's lucky if he's ever seen a bird in his life, let alone a blue one.

      "Sometimes fate is more in the role of moral support." Another line worth remembering. XD

      Chapter 7. I really like Sidewinder. :3 And his surface stories are magnificently creepy. @_@ Victory Spire. The writing continues to impress, as Lockbox sinks deeper into his own mind in that cell.

      I've seen a couple missed words in these past few chapters, but haven't pointed them out; I'll mention "all I'd been through had been put a prologue".

      Ohh, Sidewinder! The fellowship quip, augh! That's impressive.

      To the surface, yess! I'm excited now. :D

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    87. Dumb double posts! D: I blame Firefox. That's why I don't run it on this machine. Carrying on because that lead-off in chapter 7 was too good to pass up on.

      I really like that second sentence. c.c That just... I had to stop and read it over a few times. It's simple, yet stunning.

      Wow, that punishment for the guy who killed Sunny's father... Fitting, but again the harshness of the Metro rears its ugly head. And they don't even really notice.

      "He didn't need to be bothered." NO LOCKBOX DON'T SPLIT UP YOU NINNY @_@

      Sunny struggling for his sanity against instinct continues to be one of the more compelling threads of this piece.

      ...God, that was intense. This chapter is amazing. I'm reading the part where Lockbox is fighting to keep Sunny on the ground and I've got intense brony music playing and it's just perfect. I've got chills.

      Yeah, that was amazing. Best chapter so far.

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    88. I dont know why I'm commenting like this, but I just really want to say that this is a good story. The writing is top-notch, very well constructed. I can easily see it in a professional workshop.
      But it can't hold my interest for more than a page. This is the kind of story I like, a story about a world. But the world you've created is dull, and has been done by so many others. And its not because you're sticking to Metro 2033, I played that game, and the feel of it is fascinating. But you haven't captured it. Not for me.

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    89. And here I go, finishing up the latest two chapters.

      Snrrkt, Elusive.

      Nopony's insights, and the character in general, are really intriguing.

      So this chapter's hallmark is a slow descent into madness. Wonderful! :D Lockbox, what are you doing, do not taunt happy fun darkness! :|

      "deduced that somehow" is missing an I before it, I think. There seem to be a lot fewer contractions in the dialogue around this part, which is odd and makes it feel slightly stilted. (Focusing a little more on mechanics here because the chapter is newer.)

      And now I realize that Lockbox's name has many connotations.

      I have to ask if Snowglobe is a cameo of any sort.

      Whew, these chapters get longer, and the only way I can tell is by the clock. They certainly aren't dragging. :D To chapter 10!

      Whoo-hoo! :D I won't say anything for fear of spoilers, but I'm so glad it's him! Things are looking up.

      "everypony who was not one of them knew they were": 'they were' should be 'was'. There's a "didn't managed" too. "Now it was deathtrap".

      So help me, when he knifed that guy on the war wagon, I envisioned a Wilhelm scream. XD This whole action sequence culminating in the huge firefight has been incredible.

      Wow. I so can't wait for chapter 11. And now I'll actually be able to follow it in realtime!

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    90. Star 5.. it's about darn time!!

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    91. Oh goodness! New comments! And a FIVE STAR RATING!

      It's... it's all I've ever wanted... Ahh, now I *have* to finish chapter 11...

      Present Perfect

      I'm so glad you did such a thorough reading! I love these kinds of reviews! And don't expect things to lighten up as they go deeper into the Metro, that should be good for you. XD Thank you for pointing out the errors, I'll fix those soon as I can.

      Also, sorry to hear that, Grey Potter. I hope you'd like to tell me what exactly you find dull? This is the style I've decided to present Metro in, though, so I suppose we'll just have to agree to disagree.

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    92. Latest chapter is going to be the start of a rough time for Lockbox (as if he hasn't had that already). I apologize to my readers for being so late with this. I just hope that the amount of time I put into the chapter makes it worth it!

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    93. The wait's always worth it. :) I'll toss a few corrections your way. "who's levitating guns": whose

      White masks... I feel like I should know what this is.

      The Wyrm? Is this a World of Darkness crossover now? XD

      "and a few other decided to resume the interrogation": should be capitalized, or else part of the previous sentence.

      Wow, this is probably the warmest welcome they've ever gotten. D:

      Ohai, Nopony. :V

      "at the base of debris slope": missing 'the'

      Wow, an Apple! Named after an ancestor, too.

      "flapping around in slow circles under the low circle": something tells me that second 'circle' isn't supposed to be there.

      He's back! :D Yaaaay!

      It's amazing how things go from bad to just as bad, but different. I now find myself contemplating, not if Lockbox will triumph in the end, but whether he'll lose himself in the process. I'm not so sure what the answer is, either.

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    94. Lockbox isn't looking for triumph. He's looking for the safety of his home... he's not in this to save the Metro by any means, or even every pony in it. Exiperia's salvation is his only clear goal right now. The Metro doesn't just chew up heroes and spit them back out. It doesn't even let them become heroes in the first place.

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    95. Best story ive read in a while. It really helps to have an uncontrollable imagination to see and feel every little detail

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    96. That helps with any good story! I just hope I'm not *too* descriptive, or on the flip side, not descriptive enough...

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    97. I can already tell that this will be awesome. I have that book, and I love it :D

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    98. Mr. Squirrel I cant really be a judge but ive read just about anything you could think of from crap to well....This. your detail is about as perfect as it gets. And lets be honest very rarely can someone be "to" descriptive. And if a part isn't very descriptive your detail in other areas allow he reader to fill in what they wish while staying to the general point.

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    99. Also "inventing" things for your story. Not just."oh they shot guns at them." No. The gun cradle, the way unicorns handled their weapons. The hoof knife. Yes you started with metro but that was just where to stand up. I might be going overboard (that's just me) but I love your story.

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    100. @Silver Quill
      Mind if I ask why you're angry that this exists?

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    101. Wooooo update. Favorite chapter so far. More I need more!!

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    102. Did I mention. MOOOORRREEE. Lolz yea still love it

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    103. Your not gonna tell Me what notes are you?

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    104. Whether Sidewinder is telling the truth will probably never be known... what's important is that he seems to believe it, at least. Or does he?! He's a bundle of inconsistency that one.

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    105. Yes. Yes he is...

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    106. @RedSquirrel456

      My Little Metro-inspired art: http://shachza.deviantart.com/art/MLP-I-Need-a-Hug-294378818



      While the art is more for myself than anyone, I did want you to see just how large of an impact your story had on me.

      Strange how my main pony character adopted a dark Green coloration shortly after chapter 8...

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    107. New rule of the Internet: if it exists, there is an mlp crossover with it.

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    108. Whew, chapter 12! It's been a while, and it'll be a while still before I can read more, but I'm seizing the opportunity while it's available!

      "My thigh I collided"? Man, things do not look good for our hero. D:

      I like Overdrive. Auntie Buttercup, too, so glad we finally get to meet her. :D

      I like the evolution from trash to dead weight. X3

      So King Pleiades has an "impeccable" mustache? XD I hope we get to meet him, he sounds like a hoot. Squeaky's a hoot and a half, and what a name for a bandit.

      ...Sandpony. c.c

      His virginity flashed before his eyes. XD Don't do it, Lock!

      Hah, I knew he wouldn't! Nice to see the guitar playing coming back with a purpose.

      Well, doesn't this sound like the worst idea ever? At least he knows it, too. Ho-ho, he made good on that! :D On to chapter 13!

      You did NOT put a YouTube link in this. :| ...Wait, and it's Fucking in the Bushes? @_@ That is not a good choice.

      Oh god, Sidewinder's commentary during the fight. XD How I've missed him.

      Ah now, don't start thinking things are going your way.

      Dammit, Sidewinder, stop breaking the fourth wall! XD Ahh, this continues to be marvelous and I'm glad I took the opportunity to catch up. Looking forward to more, but you already knew that. :3

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    109. @Shachza

      Goodness! I'm... happy the story is so affective (also sorry it took a month to get back to), but I really hope I don't actually send anyone into spiraling depression over this. XD Awesome work though, anyway.

      @Present Perfect

      I love big reviews like this. Keep them coming when Metro starts up again, which it will over the summer.

      And no, Sidewinder will never stop breaking the fourth wall. You can't stop him!

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    110. I bid you all welcome to the longest and longest delayed chapter of my story yet.

      Dig in, kiddies.

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    111. FINALLY NEW CHAPTER YAY

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    112. So I hear there's a Metro sequel coming. How does this make you feel/will it impact this story in any way?

      It suddenly occurs to me that this is the first fic I have ever read where the words "Lunar Republic" don't make me immediately exclaim "Bullshit!" But then, you're also using it in a completely different manner.

      Love the spiked armor with the tire.

      Nopony is crazier than him! Maybe. I'm just making the joke is all

      "and not and might've been": don't know what happened there.

      There's a "businesslik".

      Thaumaturge? What kind of a name is that for a pegasus?

      Fff, is Sidewinder related to Lyra too? XD

      Something tells me it's not just guilt or haunting; Sweet Dreams isn't gone. She's inside him somehow. Probably has to do with her name.

      Sidewinder ships RedBox. That's his OTP. :V

      You know, you're maybe overdoing the philosophizing a bit in this chapter. Granted, the scene where he breaks down crying is a good lead-in to his argument with Ruby Red. But then after that, well... there's just a lot, is what I'm saying. Also, sentence metaphors, I mean really. <.<

      Theo's kind of growing on me already. I knew when he was first described that he'd be getting a name; it's just going to be a question of how long he sticks around.

      You know, it was a while ago, but I noticed a different section marker. Something like /=/ instead of the usual slash-dash repetition. Now I'm wondering if there was any significance to that, but I don't recall having seen it before. STOP PLAYING GAMES WITH MY HEAD D:

      I think you missed a paragraph break before "The sludge wasn't moving".

      Goddamn, Sidewinder is just the best character.

      Noooo, don't kill him off! D: Didn't you hear what I just said?

      Man, it's always out of the frying pan into the fire. What the hell kind of cult did he just run into?

      Oh, shit.

      Great Wyrm? Oh dear.

      Well crap! :D That was kind of amazing. And now we have a name to put to Lockbox's abilities, if not necessarily an explanation.

      I've got another question: how far along is this story now? It's not that I crave an ending, but that I find myself wanting to do things with it that require it to have one, like writing massive reviews and so forth.

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    113. @Present Perfect

      Oh, I've had my own sequel planned ever since I heard the real Metro was going to have one. Rest assured it won't follow the storyline exactly, but there will be some major similarities.

      Also no, there is nothing meaningful about changing the dividers, that was me being absent-minded.

      As for how far into the story we are... well, that'd be telling! Generally speaking? Maybe a third, story wise, if that far. Can't say what the chapter count will finally be though.

      And Sidewinder is related to as many ponies as he WANTS to be. >:O

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    114. @RedSquirrel456
      Oh man, a third? :D This is gonna be crazy huge!

      Any news on a new chapter? c.c I've been missing this story lately.

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    115. Holy fucking shit.
      I've been through literally hundreds of fanfics since early 2011. And since December 2011 Fallout Equestria has held the price as the best fiction of this fandom(And generally the best piece of fiction read on the internet).
      It no longer has that price.
      Jesus fuck RedSquirrel.
      Jesus fuck.

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    116. @Regnier

      I'm just glad to write something that has such an impact.

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    117. Out of curiosity, is there any progress/any intent to keep writing on this story?

      Would hate to see your story die. Best piece of fan fiction I've ever read.

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