[Sad]
Author: Sithicus
Description: Scootaloo wants nothing more in the world than to fly, but when she get's her wish it may come at a high price.Yearning
Additional Tags: Heartwrenching, Dreams of Flight, Danger
[Comedy]
Description: Pinkie Pie has an idea, the bestest idea ever, she's going to put on a show for all of Ponyville and Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Applejack are going to help.Random 80's Ponification II
Additional Tags: Pinkie Performance Parodies 80's Popculture
12 comments:
im not sure whats goin on here ill need to read deeper
ReplyDeleteRead Yearning.
ReplyDeleteIt was... odd. You were quite repetitiev in your foreshadow at the end of scenes, and each scene ended in kind of the same way. It was a little bothersome. Also, some inflection really confused me, like when scootaloo was in the nurse's office and yelled "WALK!," but if she was surprised at the idea that she'd have to stay off the scooter for 3 days, it should be with a ?, right? Idk. It just felt really odd, and reading it wasn't... exactly fun.
Sugar! Spice! And everything nice!
ReplyDeleteThese were the ingredients chosen to create the perfect little fillies!
But professor Utonium (or whatever he is in this one) accidentally added an extra ingredient;
CHEMICAL X.
Heh. Mixing old Lauren Faust stuff with the new here, eh?
I like the first one so far. Seems...Familiar with that package >.>
ReplyDelete@ Nine's Tempest
ReplyDeleteAuthor Speaking, you know I'm kicking myself right now, right? How could I ave ended every scene in similar fashion? UGH! Ok, to be fair at least the nurses didn't finish off commenting on the dark and forboding nature of Scootaloo's desires... And hey, Ditzy cameo, that's a plus right?
I'm not entirely sure how I could make reading the story any more fun for you I'm afraid, as for Scootaloo's comment, I was going for shock rather than questioning and perhaps a bit of indignation. Scootaloo in the story is a pegasus yearning for flight, so telling her to walk in that kind of situation when she usese her scooter to get everywhere and simulate the rush of flying... Well I think you get why I'd put that odd ! mark in. Or at least I'd hope. I could always change that bit of grammar if enough readers complain about it.
Read both stories. Yearning was pretty good, although the Sad elements really haven't kicked in. The 80's Ponification story was interesting, but kind of, I don't know, lacking?
ReplyDeleteI ain't fraid of no boasts!
ReplyDelete@ToonNinja
ReplyDeleteAuthor once again speaking, I suspect there are two mane reasons why that story is lacking, first of all I didn't really try to make it any longer than it is.
Secondly, I chose not to break up the words of the song with descriptive paragrahps depicting my interpretation of what the stage show would actually look like. Mostly because I just couldn't see it being a good idea, as it would obviously be something a lot of different people have different ideas for. (+ I ain't a choreographer and am atrocious at trying to write dance numbers in prose.)
Of course I could be way off base as to why you felt it was lacking. One day perhaps I'll return to it and see if I feel differently about adding to the length, but for now, for what it is, I feel it's hard pressed to get any better. (Unless I could take it and, I don't know, turn it into a visual medium.)
....Is that ghostbuster ponies I think there's something wrong i cant stop smiling
ReplyDelete"As Spike led her towards the hospice..."
ReplyDeleteHospice does not mean hospital >:C
About Yearning. I assume it's incomplete?
ReplyDelete>My everything when last line of Random 80's Ponification II
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zHZj8Xp-Ik