Author: Blinky
Description:Twilight questions her sanity as events don't match up with her memories.Unwelcome Changes Part 1
Unwelcome Changes Part 2
Unwelcome Changes Part 3
Unwelcome Changes Part 4
Unwelcome Changes Part 5
Unwelcome Changes Part 6
Unwelcome Changes Part 7
Unwelcome Changes Part 8
Unwelcome Changes Part 9 (New!)
Additional Tags: Psychological, Changes, Dreams, Mystery, Insanity
120 comments:
Ponies losing their sanity? Say it ain't so!
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteCrazy right?
Pinkie a Pegasus...Fluttershy a tree...this story certainly has my interest.
ReplyDeleteFluttershy... a tree?! Tell me it isn't so!
ReplyDeleteThough I can definitively see Pinkie as a Pegasus.
I want to see how far this fic goes.
Also: best header pic ever.
I'm really curious to see where this goes as a mystery.
ReplyDeleteHm... Not the greatest fic I've read, but you certainly were able to get me interested enough to hook me. Now I need to know how this happened.
ReplyDelete@Kyle
ReplyDeleteTo clarify what I said... This is by no means bad. An interesting little read, though a bit light at some places in terms of details, but given that Twilight's mind seems to be getting a little wonky this seems to fit.
This is a nice story with a good premise. Few errors. Well done.
ReplyDeleteTwilight is taking this way too well. I'd flip my shit if one of my friends didn't exist anymore.
ReplyDeleteYou were setting up a pretty good mystery, but it sort of stumbled at the end of chapter 2. Show don't tell, especially with characters getting to know each other well for the first time.
ReplyDeleteI hate to be much of a critic, but I think this needs a major lookover in terms of writing. For instance - too many sentences beginning with "she" (most noticeably in chapter 2). I didn't feel much emotion throughout, and plenty of details could have been worked on a little more. The pacing was rather fast, as well.
ReplyDeleteNonetheless, I do very much like this concept. It was enough to keep me reading.
Wait, in chapter 2 it says Nightmare Moon was banished back into the moon. But then suddenly Princess Luna is in canterlot?
ReplyDelete@Anonymous I THINK the author was implying that the memories of everybody in Ponyville were messed up, and Luna's presence proves that Nightmare Moon wasn't rebanished? It's not perfectly clear...
ReplyDeleteThe second chapter is flawed just like stated above, why is Luna here, wasn't she banished? And if not why didn't Celestia notice that here sister is with her although the elements of Harmony failed to return her.
ReplyDeleteI'm hooked on this. WMG for me would suggest that Nightmare Moon and Luna are not mutaully exclusive in this equestria. This Luna is a total bookworm, same as twilight. Fluttershy is a tree because she wanted to be a tree, Pinkie Pie's a pegasus because she was supposed to be a pegasus.
ReplyDeleteTwilight's problem is she's still thinking in terms of her own reality where Luna was Nightmare Moon. In this reality Nightmare Moon, Luna and Celestia could have all been a family where Nightmare was just the bad apple of the three, jealous of Luna because they both shared the same powers.
I don't know, like I said WMG.
You ponies are mean.
ReplyDeleteMy sanity must really be thrown into doubt for whatever reason.
@Twilight Sparkle
ReplyDeleteAw, It's ok, we know your not crazy. Just special. ;)
@Raven
ReplyDeleteCause that totally makes me feel better.
I'm about as sane as the next pony that isn't Pinkie Pie.
Wait...
ReplyDeleteTwilight is trapped in Faust's original ponyverse?
OH WOW
@Anonymous
ReplyDeletewell not entirely, Fluttershy's a tree, rather than an earth pony, and the elements of harmony aren't there for them to Sailor moon their way out of the adventure-of-the-week, as such.
Interesting idea. Can't wait to read more.
ReplyDelete"Ok everypony, we need to make an exact copy of ponyville right over there, we've got less than a minute!"
ReplyDeleteI'm definitely intrigued, but I do have a minor complaint. Your sentence length tends to be very uniform, which tends to make descriptive paragraphs jarring. Varying the length, making more descriptive sentences longer and emphasized sentences shorter makes your writing more interesting and much easier to read. Other than that, I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I'm not sure what is going on in this story. Luna is banished again, but suddenly she is back?
ReplyDeleteI was intrigued by the concept when I read Chapter 1, but now it seems like things may be going off the rails.
@Twilight Sparkle
ReplyDeleteI aim to please! Don't worry, being sane is over-rated...and lolipops...all sticky and get stuck in ones mane...Anyways!...What were we talking about again? O.o?
@everypony who's confused about Luna being back: From what I understand, according to Pinkie Pie, what happened was when they all arrived at the ruins, they couldn't do anything, and Celestia re-banished nightmare moon.
ReplyDeleteLuna, however, is just fine at the castle, she never was banished again, that is just what everypony besides Twilight thinks happened.
Hoped I helped.
This is looking damn good so far. Keep it up.
ReplyDelete@Twilight Sparkle
ReplyDeleteYou want to talk sanity? I get piss drunk and write pony fanfiction while listening to pirate music. According to some people, I do it from the deck of a 16th century brigantine crewed by the pony damned while wearing full captain's gear. I think I can top you there.
@La Barata You had better watch where you sail boy, the the waters on which you sail have claimed Bronies better then yourself.
ReplyDeleteOooh, I love attacks on the mind.
ReplyDeleteI'll definitely be keeping an eye on this one. Nothing better than to see somepony slowly lose their grip on reality and sanity.
Ehhh...
ReplyDeleteI don't find this story worth continuing. The writing is way too fast, there's a lot of pushing in a direction without real reason, and a lot of actions, emotions, and events that just... happen. No leading up to it.
I think I know what's going on. When Twilight ran into the barrier in part 3, I was suddenly reminded of a Star Trek TNG episode where everyone around Beverly Crusher started vanishing as if they had never been. As it turned out, Crusher had been accidentally trapped in a slowly collapsing pocket universe and everything and everyone around her was a duplicate created from her mind.
ReplyDeleteI suspect something similar is happening here. Twilight's trapped somewhere in an imperfect duplicate Ponyville. She just doesn't realize that it's not "her" Ponyville yet.
I too thought of that TNG episode instantly :P
ReplyDeleteWhat's interesting is that Celestia's response to TS makes it hard to tell if Celestia has Twilight's memories or is also remembering differently.
Transitions, pony! D= I don't want to harp on your writing, but it jumps around a lot. Work on putting little transitory things, working on smoothening out the flow between sentences. While you're at that, work on varying your sentences -- a lot of them have the "subject - verb - other stuff" structure and that isn't helping keeping the story fluid.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm stuck reading this until the nature of the inconsistent reality is revealed.
ReplyDeleteSUDDENLY, TIE IN WITH SEVERING/RECONNECTION.
OHHHH MAAAAHHH GAAAAAAHHHHHH.
Wait... If Fluttershy is a tree... And Pinkie is a Pegasus... THEN I MUST BE A FROG! Ribbit Ribbit
ReplyDeleteGreat... Twilights finally lost it... We are soooo screwed...
ReplyDelete@ a href #c4118138161100861639 >Melodia /a>
ReplyDeleteSame. Soon as Spike disappeared, my mind snapped right back to TNG, which is no bad place to be.
As I recall that was the result of yet another screw-up with those wacky federation transporters, wasn't it? And since Twilight's able to teleport...
Aw, I see some already made the Star Trek connection. Here I thought I would be all original. :<
ReplyDeleteMeeehhhh... I don't know... How to put this ?
ReplyDeleteIt's like an odd mix of spontaneous and sporadic changes of/with alternative realities, relative dimensions, time stuffs, amnesia stuffs, 'other confusing stuff' stuffs...
It's not that it's bad, per say, but... the concept isn't very 'attractive', so to speak...
It's hard to get interested by what's going on because of how unstable the story is... even though it IS supposed to be that way... hence why I said that the 'concept' was, hum, not currently very strong...
Maybe the story will ''calm itself'' around a central 'something', that will not always be threatened to shift at any given time ?
I think I saw this episode of Star Trek.
ReplyDeleteThe central 'something' you want is already there Nova, it's called Twilight Sparkle.
ReplyDeletehuh, how is Luna on earth if she was banished back to the moon as a pissed off nightmare moon, but she's a shy luna now... grkkkkkkkk-BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*bluescreen
ReplyDelete...
good read though.
Oh, good grief, this isn't hard. The changed events and their effects are localised to Ponyville - excepting Twilight for a reason the author has yet to elaborate on. Everything outside the barrier is unchanged, otherwise Luna being there wouldn't make a lick of sense.
ReplyDeleteMaybe there are logic holes in the story; I read it while sleep-deprived and my my brain might have been filling in the gaps, but come on! Inference, bronies! If my fracturing, addled mind can do it, yours can too!
You're killin' me, bro. Where's the rest?
ReplyDeleteNot so sound ungrateful, but four pages? Please don't say you've written yourself into a corner, I love it when authors play with ponies' minds like this, and you could make Twilight and Luna both squirm so much before you resolve it.
I have to agree with others that say this story goes....too fast I guess. There's a very interesting plot seeming to brew, but it just somehow doesn't quite....hold together. I'm very interested in reading more, but at the same time I think the whole thing feels like a first draft that needs a lot of tinkering.
ReplyDelete(Granted, it's a problem with a lot of fanfiction, so it's not a large knock on the story, but it's something I feel the need to comment on)
I think, that Celestia is "testing" Twilight and Luna. I don´t know why and in what way, but she´s the only pony powerful enough.
ReplyDeleteChapter 3 bored me, unfortunately, but chapter 4 is a definite win!
ReplyDeleteLove love love love love love it. You're doing a fantastic job toying with Twilight's delicate perception of reality in the most delightfully evil ways. Fluttershy a tree, Spike vanishing, Nightmare Moon having been banished again, and Luna not being remembered by almost anypony...just don't play it just like that ep of Star Trek and leave just Celestia, Luna and Twilight in the universe. Then we'll know something's up.
ReplyDeletePoor Fluttershy, but she DID say she wanted to be a tree. I'm sure she's enjoying herself while Twilight goes insane.
ReplyDeleteThere is a question I think Twilight ought to be asking here, that I don't see her having asked. Specifically:
ReplyDeleteDo all the trees around have names? If not, why does Fluttershy? (Bloomberg, I think, has reasonable excuse, but there are plenty of non-apple trees in and near Ponyville.)
It's a yellow tree with pink leaves. A fairly unique tree like that deserves its own name.
ReplyDeleteI think the problem between Maremoon and Luna can be easily explain, it was a play and you realised when you read that the skin of maremoon looked fake also that Luna act like her bad contrapart (PS: she act really bad) the play tells the original story before her come back in any case celestia send her sister to Twilight´s library so it was only a play thats it
ReplyDeleteThis is what i understood so im open for diguess
I love it when Twilight's mind cracks. Cute Luna is cute!
ReplyDeleteSuddenly, Demons!
ReplyDeletePinkamena Diane Pie! Leave the 4th wall alone!
ReplyDeleteWell now. This seems to have taken an odd turn at the intersection of Fourth and BANANAS.
ReplyDeleteHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG- I WANT THE NEXT CHAPTER SO BAD!
ReplyDeleteThey find a strange metal object stuck to the back of Twi's head, and they don't even take time to consider it's important? Geez :P
ReplyDeleteinb4 Twilight is in the Matrix.
ReplyDeleteSorry, just automatically went there with the piece of metal in the back of her head.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteOr was she just freed from the Matrix?
Not really liking how they just sort of gloss over the piece of metal embedded in Twilight's skin. You'd think they would see that as a might bit suspicious.
ReplyDeleteOk this is going even crazier than I thought, jajaja Pinkie knowing that she hadn´t appeared sisnce chapter 2
ReplyDeleteWANT MOAR
Good story hope you know how to ended (I say in good terms)
Where are the Thunder Bolts D: Will I ever get in?I guess leading an attack against demons is cool though. And a peguse party at Pinkie's place is cool too...
ReplyDeleteoh pinkie breaking the fourth wall
ReplyDeleteRobotic thingy sounded like the Matrix at first. But the demon... and the organized militia... headache getting worse *after* it is removed... why does this smell like 40k suddenly?
ReplyDeleteIs very good though. Each chapter is painfully short in the 'I want to read more' kind of way.
You've got me hooked.
This is an interesting story. A little rough in places but still good.
ReplyDeleteTo people confused about how Luna can still be on the planet if Nightmare Moon was re-banished in this altered reality, you have to realize that the implication is that what is causing the changes in confined to with in the barrier surrounding Ponyville.
I say somehow Daisy and Rose got all the stuff they write in The Flower to come true...
ReplyDeleteA piece of metal embedded in the back of Twlight Sparkles neck reminds me of Matrix:-)
ReplyDeleteOn Part 5
NO! Fluttershy! D:
ReplyDeleteI like it. I don't care what anypony else says.
ReplyDeleteCalling it, right now, the tabloid somehow defines reality. Not sure if it's through magic, a relic, technology, or pocket universes, but there's no reason to include a second mention of the tabloid by part 5 unless it's plot-centric. Thus: The tabloid did it.
ReplyDeleteUnless it's a red herring. But I'm still saying it's the tabloid's fault.
Really gripping story. I hope the next part comes out soon!
ReplyDeleteHaha, Pinkie Pie breaks the Fourth wall! GENIOUS!
ReplyDelete@Cooper
ReplyDeleteHey Twilight, haven't seen you since part 2!
Yeah, that was pretty epic. :D
When will there be a new part? I can't wait anymore :(
ReplyDelete>mfw part 6
ReplyDelete>mfw I can't post a face in a comment. Imagine I posted was that one picture. You know the one.
It's okay, Twilight, I'm losing my mind too. 6.9 *lives in Ponyville 24/7*
ReplyDeleteThere must be a time rift or a dimensional rip in the space time continume.
ReplyDeleteOr the devils are changing the universe as we know it and eatting the past events meaning soon rainbow dash will never of done the sonic rainboom
In the midst of Part 6, a few criticisms I have to put forth:
ReplyDelete1) You used "lied" where "lay" is the proper word a couple of times.
2) A casualty is actually anyone who is wounded OR dead. So using it as though it means "dead" is sort of odd. Especially when it's coming from the lips of somebody in command of a pseudo-military operation, as you'd expect them to know that sort of thing.
3) The armscye's tight, the middy collar doesn't go with the shawl lapel, the hems are clearly machine-stitched, the pleats are uneven, the fabric looks like toile, you used a backstitch here when it clearly called for a topstitch or maybe a traditional blanket stitch and the overdesign is reminiscent of pret-a-porter and not true French haute couture. (LOLOL, am I funny now?)
The criticism isn't meant to say it's bad. It's still a good chapter (though I personally think the last five were better, that isn't to say this one is bad). But those two errors just really stuck out to me.
It's a weird story, but an interesting one. There's an ever-present mystery of what, exactly, is going on and why it seems to be getting steadily worse.
ReplyDeleteAlso of note is this isn't so much a Twilight Sparkle story as it is a Twilight Sparkle and Luna story. We all know how we like our Luna stories. ;)
The tabloid defining reality is starting to seem more and more likely....
ReplyDeleteI also had a problem with your use of the word "casualty", but that's a minor point. The bigger issue is, despite this being a well written fic with an interesting plot, the plot itself is moving too slowly. All it has been so far is questions questions questions, with no hint of an answer in sight. Something needs to happen or some sort of concrete fact about the mysterious events needs to be established.
twilight spalkle you arent crazy its a spell you did and it trans ported you to that places do a spell to get when you can
ReplyDeleteI won't be suprise to see if the editor is Pinkie, Celly or Trixie. I listed my 3 mane suspects to this dimension change. Now where is Phelps when I need him >>
ReplyDeleteBlinky you bastard
ReplyDeleteI thought this story was going to sink but since day one you had this twist baking, I hope you have more twists in your arsenal
Great Job
So did this just become a story about the horrors of yellow journalism?
ReplyDeleteSeems so.
ReplyDeleteMe likey
ReplyDeleteI really like it how it makes sense now.
ReplyDeleteAnypony else see this episode of Sabrina the teenage witch?
ReplyDeleteThe plot thickens!
ReplyDeletewhat kind of a cliffhanger is that? Moar please xP
ReplyDelete@zeb516
ReplyDeleteI told you I TOLD YOU IT WAS A DIMENSIONAL RIP Wait a second *rereads* Alright that sounds excatly like the plot of alan wake with the new's paper and all
Finally, the story becomes somewhat serious...
ReplyDeletePrinting machine rewritting and altering Reality, within a certain radius.
-Cursed artefact ? Maybe a precise part of the machine...
Maybe the Ink Roller, which would infuse magic in the ink, thus making the words become 'Real'.
...I think I saw something like that on TV once ? Can't remember what the show was...
Update already! Pleeeeeeease?
ReplyDeleteMLP Fanfic Cliche #5, we like it when the ponies go insane because we're sadistic like that.
ReplyDeleteRose sure is easy to convince to spill all of the beans.
ReplyDeleteThat was an almost insane amount of expositional narration in the last part and I'm now worried that from ambiguous build-up we are now suffering under the harsh light of less-than spectacular pay-off.
ReplyDeleteIt really did have an interesting build-up 'til the last few parts, but now that the bogeypony's come into the light it feels sort of blah..
Chapter 8 had a bit too much exposition, too fast. It seemed like you wanted to wrap the story up, but didn't realize it would take that long to explain everything.
ReplyDeleteOne question: Why did Twilight and Luna run away and give Rose time to recover? Luna should be more powerful than Rose no matter what and Rose didn't seem that dangerous to me, only insane.
So because of the reference in that picture, I had to listen to Hava Nagila while looking at it.
ReplyDeleteSo why doesn't Luna just make Rose wake up, or simply get Twilight out of the dream?
ReplyDeleteSuddenly exposition, out of nowhere. As Acriaos mentioned, it seems strange that Luna and Twilight would retreat. Sure, Rose should have increased power to begin with because it's her dream and Twilight's magic is disabled, but Luna is a goddess. That bit didn't make sense to me. Chapter 8 felt like you'd written yourself into corner.
ReplyDeleteholy shit
ReplyDeleteRose is a fucking killer
Plot exposition in most current part is... excessively wordy. A quick recap of a couple of paragraphs would have been enough.
ReplyDeleteshould this story really be labeled as "normal" only?
ReplyDeleteWhy am I the only one who was reminded of a Dostor Who episode, Amy's Choice I belive. The one with the dream lord and the two realities.
ReplyDeleteRead from chapter 1-8 today, I can't help but feel like I would have been more prepared for this if it had been labeled as [random].
ReplyDeleteAm I the only one that thought of GONE when Twilight discovered the barrier around Ponyville?
ReplyDeleteEh. Well. Ok story I guess. The ending is a bit odd. If Rose was bluffing, what did cause the transformations then?
ReplyDeleteThis story made me think of Rose as a fucking killer
ReplyDeleteugh. sorry, but horrible.
ReplyDeletethe writing is atrocious, the pace is too quick, it feels and reads like a bad script or draft - hell, i've read scripts and drafts of shows which were done better than this - and the characters have no emotion to them. there's multiple logical fallacies in the whole fic, there's plot holes, stuff which just makes no sense - for example, as some have pointed out, Luna somehow afraid of Rose, as she ran away - honestly, I loved the concept set by the first chapter (which was also the best one of the 9) but you have succesfully ruined it.
P.S
Did I mention the writing very often feels forced and unnatural while the characters feel 2D and not true to the show?
I realy couldn't finish reading the last chapter, it was horrible to say the least. I loved the concept set by the previous chapters, but that was a rushed a tiny bit too much, it had lots of space for development which was not taken advantage of.
ReplyDeleteWell, I liked it!
ReplyDeleteHappy endings are always welcome to me ~
@Dawn
ReplyDeleteThis, basically.
This story seemed to be chugging along just fine till about Chapter Seven, where the leaps of story seem to actually fall apart and slowly clog itself up. The plot past that chapter would be much improved by a close shave with Occam's razor.
ReplyDeleteStill, lot of promise, and it kept me entertained and focus even with the plot lurches! Keep plugging away!
... And that how Equestria was made xD
ReplyDeleteThat was good, but it did sort of degrade toward the end. Not to pull a Dave Mustang, but the monologing villain chiché in chapter 8 was actually painful in how it was done. Still, it wasn't a bad story overall, it just could have been a better.
ReplyDeleteThe story was decent up until Rose was revealed as the "bad guy". I'm sorry to say, after that, the story became rushed and the characters didn't fit.
ReplyDeleteEnding reminded me of Space Channel 5 part 1.
ReplyDelete"It's all about the ratings!"
Wow. I guessed the reason right I must be clairvoyant.
ReplyDelete