Author: The Lovely Penguin
Description: Rarity pictures the perfect relationship with Fluttershy, but is unsure of how to go about admitting her love to her. She decides to make her a new dress, but things don't quite turn out as planned..Sewing the Red Thread Of Fate
Sewing the Red Thread Of Fate Part 2
Sewing the Red Thread Of Fate Part 3 (New!)
Sewing the Red Thread Of Fate 1 Link (New!)
Additional Tags: romance, love triangles, secret admirers, fashion, surprises
33 comments:
Aww I was hoping there would eventually be a story with these two!
ReplyDeleteOH GOD THE IRONY!!
ReplyDeleteThe ending caught me off guard.
ReplyDelete...And now i desire a part two.
I love me some Rarity shipping.
ReplyDeleteto clop or not to clop, that is the question
ReplyDeleteHey, I don't clop to shipping! That'd be weird.
ReplyDeleteI only clop to Rule 34 where they're all humanized.
And have a penis.
I lost it when Rarity checked the mail. :D
ReplyDeleteDAMMIT FLUTTERSHY! Y U NO LUV RARITY!
ReplyDeleteWHAT A TWIST
ReplyDeleteWell, Fluttershy could've handled that better. :P
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteDitto. :D
Bill... bill... muffin... eh, nothing good today.
Need part 3, NAO.
ReplyDeleteI smell hexagons.
Part 1 was cute. Should have stopped there.
ReplyDeletePart 2 is really just begging for a "And then they all fucked" ending.
Ahh, I was wondering if there was going to be a part 2. I think I can honestly say that it was worth the wait!
ReplyDeleteI honestly don't really like those really big love triangles though like you did in the story, but I like how you made it an important but subtle detail.
And bah, I hate cliffhangers, You've made a really good transition and you just pop a "to be continued". Make part 3 before I go crazy =(
Sound like it's going from a love triangle into a love square or diamond, lol. I suppose Rainbow is the one Fluttershy has a crush on?
ReplyDeleteFreaking FINALLY! Thank Celestia it's done, now I can read this!
ReplyDeleteIt was fun until part 3.
ReplyDeleteThen it was a train wreck.
Spoiler warning:
ApplePie - Okay, cool, I can see that.
Fluttershy's mood swing - Wait.... didn't that just negate the previous 2 chapters?
Rainbow Dash - Seriously? Right now Dashie? F*** Off! Catastrophic suspension of disbelief failure.
I was fine with the impending bad end. Somebody was going to be upset. Everybody was going to be upset. That was cool, it was original. Most shipping isn't willing to do the 'Nobody gets love' ending.
Twilight should embrace her bad ending, having done everything in her power to acquire happiness and failing. Fluttershy should be forced to accept the fact she settled. Rarity got lucky, and Dash was just late to the party.
The only way the last line works, is if the follow up line includes the tear streaked Twilight sighing, and telling her 'Maybe some other time.'
@Minty
ReplyDeleteActually, part 2 kind of hints that Fluttershy likes/liked Rarity, though I perhaps could have made the hints a bit stronger, possibly?
Yeah, I can kinda see where you're coming from with the whole "Twilight is sad and Rainbow Dash swoops in and takes advantage" thing. That's honestly not what I intended for it to come off as. She's supposed to be there for her to cheer her up, with things possibly getting romantic as time goes on (remember, she said she'd take things slowly).
Also, it was never my intention to do a "nopony gets loved" ending, as I don't like writing sad stories, at least not ones that end on a sad note. The entire point of this was to be at least a Rarity x Fluttershy fic.
That being said, I'd appreciate feedback on how I could do better in the future.
Heh heh. About halfway through I was just going, everypony just give up and orgy, dammit! I was honestly expecting a full loop, with AJ liking Dash liking Pinkie liking Twi. :) I'm not sure I liked the ending, either, but not because of Rainbow Sparkle. I think there wasn't much of a climax for all that build up. It all seemed to sort itself out fairly easily even without Twi's news. (Well, that and I don't find Apple Pie very compelling, but anyway.)
ReplyDelete@The Lovely Penguin
ReplyDelete-warning, I got a bit rambly-
Establish Fluttershy's conflict earlier.
I just reread chapter 2. It's the juxtaposition of lines that makes me think she's not attracted to Rarity. She starts off in disbelief that Rarity would like her, going into intimate detail about how impossible a relationship would be.
The next time, Twilight is trying to tell her to go talk to the person she likes (slight mystery, even Pinkie could fit her description in some point of view) when her mind drifts, instead of trying to face her problems maybe she could make herself like Rarity.
While it is fundamentally a cute Fluttershy/Rarity story, the complications are what was most attractive to the first segments, but the last part is mostly complication free. Fluttershy gives up on AJ after convincing herself in a way that comes off wishy washy, and Twilight has the worst day ever.
All in all people were in character to an unsatisfying conclusion.
Rainbow panicked and froze up for months until Rarity pushed her into action. Rarity single mindedly embraced her desire, while trying to remain proper and hurt as few people as possible. Applejack was stubborn and didn't want to draw attention to herself, and Pinkie wanted to tell the world. Fluttershy gave into the path of least resistance.
Twilight Sparkle ends up in an empty library, crying to herself, after being asked point blank if she disapproved of giving up on her dreams.
And that's cool, because the story isn't about Twilight being happy. Twilight was the third POV character. She had impact on most of the plot from the outset. She needs the cathartic scene of writing the letter to Celestia, adding a suitor after a breakdown like that actually borders on insult.
I'd like to see you to do a story about Twilight, or maybe something related to the ApplePie that's in this continuity, or even Rainbow Dash. But you don't need to put bows on all the characters to end a story. Unsatisfactory endings can be fun.
... And we need more Twilight/Carrot Cake slash anyway.
Heh. This was a really cute story. I really liked how you set the story up in the beginning. Bam, complications everywhere. I was honestly expecting everything to fall apart and then cause conflicts everywhere because it got so complicated.
ReplyDeleteAnd then, Everything turned out happy. I'm a really big sucker for happy ending and it mad me happy =).
But then I got really sad for Twilight, I love Twilight and it really got me down to see her like that, but then I realized that I had totally forgotten about Rainbow Dash and that made made me laugh.
Really good story, I love it =)
Critique:
ReplyDeleteWhat you really need to working is pacing. Some things went too quickly (esp the intro in part one). Nothing was too drawn out - it was either paced very well or too fast. I also felt Rarity needed some more fluff-words in her dialogue, although, I'm just anal about that kinda stuff, so don't sweat it.
Other than that, it was good. Just take a little more time to describe and draw out certain scenes and you'll be fine. :)
Also, with the final scene:
SPOILERS
Having Twilight tell Dash, "I'm flattered... but can you give me some time?" would have been a more believable ending.
Positive Stuff:
It was really sweet, I loved the interactions and the confusion between the characters, and thought the way things were wrapped up well. I hope to read more of your stuff! <3
@Anonymous
ReplyDelete@Minty
Thanks, you two! Your critique was very insightful, and I plan to bear it in mind for my future works.
And don't worry: I plan on writing a whole lot more. I'm just getting started!
And I kind off like it. Writing is good, and by writing, I mean penmanship - I know how to create a romantic situation, You draw your backgrounds quite well, and the pace of the story is almost perfect with exception, that a few things happen simply too fast. Also, even for a story its HIGHLY unlikely that suddenly all of the ponies decided to show off their feelings - You really needed to starr all of the main cast? Leaving Twi, Flutty and Rar would be awesome, but with all futher addition it make the story quite a mess ;)
ReplyDeleteDon't get me wrong, I liked what I read here - sweet, cute, with solid romance and twists. But it quickly turns out into "to many plums in my cup" If you follow me.
So, 4 start from me - good it was. Enjoyed it, I Was. But some flaws just make the grade lower :) Keep it up!
I liked the ending, though in fairness my brain filled in the next scene as:
ReplyDelete"Come on in, Rainbow Dash. I appreciate the gesture, and I'm not saying /no/, but it's been a really hard day for me and I really don't need to be jumping into anything right now. Can we call it a maybe?"
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On Part 2
ReplyDeleteSomething is off about Fluttershy's thoughts at the beginning. Can't quite put my finger on it, but those thoughts just do not fit her. Not that I'd know what thoughts would fit her ^^'
"What letter did you give to Rarity?"
Teeny tiny itty bitty petty peeve on this. Fluttershy was pretty shaken at this point so maybe a "Wh-" (stammer) at the start would have been appropriate.
Haven't read part 3 as it seems it is being re-done. Looking forward to reading more from you.
Hmph. I couldn't find the Part 4 you spoke of, and it's been two or three months. You still writing? I hope so coz this was amazing :)
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteActually, I'm still working on retooling part 3. After that I'll continue work on part 4. Don't worry; I haven't abandoned this story. I'm glad you're taking interest in my work!
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteAdded the stammering. As far as FS's thoughts in the beginning...what do you think would be closer to what she'd actually say?
And yup, I'm slowly but surely getting that redone part 3 done. Once I've posted it I'll move the old part 3 to the scraps section of my gallery if anyone still wants to check it out.
@The Lovely Penguin
ReplyDeleteHello again, so sorry for the long wait,
the Anon from June 7, 2011 9:16 AM is here ;)
I haven't watched the show much recently and took a few liberties with the text, but I am somewhat pleased with how it turned out. Nice to know you're continuing your work on this story :)
Original version:
//This was all wrong. Rarity? Rarity liked her? Yes, she was generous, and to be sure a good friend, but Fluttershy just couldn't fathom a relationship with the white unicorn at this point. She was beautiful and had a knack for detail, Fluttershy admitted to herself, and sharing her interest in sewing, dresses, and beauty in general was a plus. But no, she didn't share the unicorn's feelings; though something about this kept gnawing at the back of her mind...Still, there was one major thing Rarity lacked that made a relationship with her impossible.
Fluttershy's ideal mare (the pegasus was surprised Rarity even liked other mares, as she did) was strong, brave, tough…everything Fluttershy wasn't. She wanted someone who could protect her. Why Rarity? Why couldn't it be—//
My version:
//Oh nonono, this was all wrong! Rarity liked her? Rarity? That was… she was so generous, and kind, and smart, and a very, very dear friend, but Fluttershy just couldn't fathom a relationship with the white unicorn at that point. She was so beautiful and good with details - Fluttershy had to admit - and sharing her interest in sewing, dresses, and beauty in general was… real nice.
But no, she didn't share Rarity's feelings; although, something about this kept gnawing at the hindmost recesses of her mind...
Still, there was a major thing Rarity lacked that made a relationship with her impossible. Fluttershy's ideal mare (the pegasus was surprised Rarity even liked other mares, as she did) was strong, and brave, and tough…everything that Fluttershy herself wasn't. She wanted someone who could hold her, protect her. Why? Why Rarity? Why couldn't it have been—//
Good luck,
McRamen ~D
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteOoh, I like your wording a lot better! You mind if I use that? Of course I'll give you credit.
@The Lovely Penguin
ReplyDeleteGo ahead, I'm really looking forward to the end result.
~D