Author: Slywit
Description: Celestia and Luna were born as unassuming foals in troubled times. But already marked for greatness, the simple earth ponies stand to face a world set against them, full of danger, fear, and sadness. A world they will change forever.Paradise (New Part 22!)
Paradise Live Reading
388 comments:
Didn't know you were on. You were quick with the upload. Thanks for that.
ReplyDeleteAnd to anyone reading. If you read it and liked it, PLEASE comment. Your comments keep me going and will encourage more updates.
Nice work! We haven't seen much in the way of new parents in fics or the show yet, and I like the exploration you've done.
ReplyDeleteI'm very interested to see how this world turns into the one of "today". I'm especially curious how you'll end up portraying Celestia; she seems pretty cute and innocent here.
oh my! I really love this!
ReplyDeleteCelestia is like a super ultra sweet version of pinkie pie and Luna HHNNNGG!.
but now I hate gilda...what should I do?
@madmax
ReplyDeleteEveryone hates gilda, its all good.
@madmax
ReplyDeleteWhat should you do?
Why, read Junior Speedsters Forever, of course!
Also, oh man, that was really cool. And quite cute.
I'm eager to read more of this!
ReplyDeleteThis looks very promising. Hope to see more!
ReplyDeleteOh my God, that was so adorable I think I burst a blood vessel D'awwwwing. Love love love!
ReplyDeleteAww man SlyWit, chapter 2 was pretty emotional, but that doesn't mean I didn't like it. Great stuff dude!
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful imagining for an origin story. I'm really enjoying seeing Luna and Celestia in their naivety, the classice herbivore story applied to ponies of old creates a strong emotional connection between us and them; it's lovely. I think you oughta reign in the pinkie reference just a li'l, I already got it before she said "Party". and saying it kind of disconnected me from the moment.
ReplyDeleteBut yeah otherwise I'm totally engrossed and cannot wait for more, sticking this one out for the long haul.
@Lucid!0oSwOEGDel
ReplyDeleteSomeone told me in the google chat that, "This is easily the cheeriest thing I've ever read."
I started to wonder about what sort of things he read. Or if I am just hopelessly lighthearted even at my darkest.
I was expecting more comments along the lines of what you said.
@jack
ReplyDeleteNoted. I was afraid someone would complain about not getting it. She also saved me from making more OCs.
No helpful feedback here, but it is a very enjoyable read. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDelete>Part 1
ReplyDelete:)
:D
:>
>Part 2
:D
:|
;_;
And that's all I have to say for now.
chapter one was good! on to chapter 2
ReplyDeleteI don't normally read fan fiction, but this is truly engrossing stuff. Jack expressed my feelings on the matter perfectly. Very much looking forward to seeing how it reaches its conclusion, and I have full confidence that it'll be fulfilling.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteTo be a bit more specific about one thing, I'm intrigued by the way it sets up the griffins as once being feared predators. They eventually become (somewhat) civil towards the ponies, and even live alongside them in Celestia's future paradise. Very interested to see how it will all turn out.
Looks like a great start for an origin story; the presence of the predators and the herd life really establishes how different the old days were. (Also, I'm getting a bit of Dune vibe from the sayings opening each chapter!)
ReplyDeleteWow, wow, wow, interesting way to do it. That wolf bit was scary. Quite a shift from the first chapter.The introduction of these more frightening ideas makes for an interesting progression through your world. I'm enjoying it immensely!
ReplyDeletedamn this is good, it creates a good orgin story
ReplyDelete...Epic. Just pure epic is all I can say to this.
ReplyDeleteYay, both Celestia and Luna got their horns!
ReplyDeleteStory's coming out great so far SlyWit. Can't wait for the next chapter!
This is by far my favorite story on here... Keep up the amazing work!
ReplyDeleteI think I'm gonna cry in any moment, that was really cute.
ReplyDeletesly have you considered to write childs books? you are pretty amazing at writing! your stories are vivid and colorful
I came back to click on the link for part 4, and spent a moment confused. This reads really well, it's pulled me in and I want to gobble it all. Please do keep writing, and buy your beta reader a coffee if you have one, because there weren't any glaring structural things like normally pop up to distract from the flow in fan fiction.
ReplyDeleteHoly fuck. This is all amazing writing with a few spelling/grammar errors that don't take away from it at all. The story so far is so entrenched in literature, I really hope that it doesn't become Pony Potter and the Unicorns of Hogwarts in part 4.
ReplyDeletePart 3:
ReplyDeleteVery sweet and very somber.
I kinda like that Celestia values her sister above all things while Luna worries about what her absence will do to her family. It's a nice contrast.
Also, eager to see the early unicorns and find out why they aren't protecting the earth ponies. I'm envisioning a Rats of Nimh scenario.
I really enjoy your writing, it just reads so well; I get caught up in it. I hope we have a fan novel on our hands.
ReplyDeleteI'm really enjoying these. I immediately cared about the characters and felt genuine emotion when they were in trouble.
ReplyDeleteExcellent, I eagerly look forward to additional installments.
I am REALLY liking these. I'd point to specific things, but then we'd be here for a while as I listed off pretty well everything you did.
ReplyDeleteI am staying on top of this one!
Wow this is really interesting stuff. Can't wait to see how it goes along
ReplyDeleteStill amazing. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteGood stuff SlyWit! The ending was cute.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait for the next chapter.
And hope you're doing well with that book you're trying to get published. I don't follow the threads anymore so I don't know how well you've been doing with it.
In my humble opinion, this story is one of the premier top five stories. can't wait for the next chapter.
ReplyDeleteThis is absolutely amazing, in the top five for sure. And all i can do is just humbly ask for more.
ReplyDeleteJust another anonymous reading pitching in with sincere, ardent hope that this is continued and ended! I usually have problems finishing what I start when it's this long... I really hope Slywit doesn't have the same problem! You can do it! :D
ReplyDeleteJust... wow. I cried. I fucking shed tears over a pony fanfiction.
ReplyDeleteManly tears.
Keep up the utterly awesome work bro.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteslywit said that it would be finished with like 20 parts to it. it was on fimchan i do think.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI am guess he means that I don't suddenly vanish or just stop writing this story.
Well, I hope I don't stop either! My favorite parts are yet to come.
(quick thanks to everyone who has commented on them. I have read them, and thanks a lot!)
More please! <3
ReplyDeleteThis imagining of early Celestia and Luna is just too awesome. I eagerly--neigh, desperately--await the following chapters to this! Pleeease don't leave us hanging.
ReplyDeleteReally enjoying this, please continue :)
ReplyDelete"bringing ponies together" eh? I really like that character and the way they all interact. Great job.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work I really love this!
ReplyDeleteJust read part 4 (I'm not a swift pony).
ReplyDeleteIt seemed to mostly be world building, but that's fine. I'm still really enjoying the interaction between the sisters and the clear division of personalities between the two.
Part 5.
ReplyDeleteComedic relief, in my (well, YOUR) world building fanfiction!
It's more likely than you think!
Seriously though, this chapter was so much more relaxed and character driven. Very refreshing!
Amazing stuff, Sly. Incredible world building and characterization. What I wouldn't give to write half as well as this...
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to see more.
Chapter 5 was perhaps my favorite so far of this lovely tale. Visualizing Luna with her tongue half stuck out in concentration while caaarefully levitating a feather... priceless. <3
ReplyDelete(Slywit, take a quick moment and re-check Ch.5 for a few little typos/issues; e.g. "tree truck" in the third paragraph. They didn't hinder my enjoyment, FYI. Five stars all the way~)
Excellent Chapter 5, Sly!
ReplyDeleteDefinitely a little less drama, which was a relief so far.
I enjoyed the magic lesson part with Levity. I think if I had magic powers I'd learn a thing or two from that part. Awesome description!
Can't wait for Chapter 6 dude!
(I'm gonna try to get Stuck updated in the next day or so. Keep this awesome story train going.)
this is amazing, keep it up. five stars!
ReplyDeleteI really like this fanfiction. The whole idea is neat and I love the culture clash as the wanderer pony sisters adjust to life in a hidden elf village. Can't wait to see what happens when the sisters get wings and the "Oh my god we have some actual Chosen Ones here" knowledge really starts to hit the fan.
ReplyDeleteMy only problem is a minor nitpick about a worldbuilding detail: Humans existing along humans. But I can go with it.
@CupcakesNom
ReplyDeleteOops! Thought I had covered this one well. I'll have to get back to it after work today.
(Also, thanks to everyone who keeps commenting. It's very encouraging!)
"Celestia caught sight of Luna’s playful glance and shot her an irritated."
ReplyDeleteThis chapter is great, even if you did accidentally a word.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteWhy don't people Celestia's horn?
Now, I am dying of embarrassment that I had to leave this up all day.
ReplyDeleteSo, its been said on here already. Fanfic I am very particular about. However, there are a few gems here, stories written so they feel like they came out of Faust's, and to a lesser extent, McCrackin's head.
ReplyDeleteYour world you have created is different, and yet the same. There is still the pony magic here. Kept alive by your talented writing skills, and ability to create. Your story matches what the older audience thinks about when they watch the show. My sister is happy to see ponies, I am pondering the physical location and political boundaries of Equestria.
You show considerable thought into how the story of Equestria, Luna and Celestia all tie together. I will be back to read more, so you know....HURRY!
(while I'm making a post, I might as well reply to several things. Though MOST of my looser story discussion happens on FiMchan and Ponychan on my threads. I try to keep the blog comments mostly to just people saying what they thought about the story. Stuff I don't need to reply to but can read. So if you want to ask questions, or discuss things, a good place to go is:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/res/906.html
or
http://fim.413chan.net/fic/res/63.html )
@ CupcakesNom and a couple Anons
Typos should be drastically reduced now.
>shamed
@ Lucid
Would you say it was a *comic* relief? Ehh, ehh? As for the magic, inspiration came from several pony episodes that I weaved together, and I filled in the gaps with a bit of imagination. Hardest part was figuring out how I'd describe how something feels that doesn't really exist.
@ Anon
I assume you mean humans living alongside ponies. I've seen that crop up twice now in these comments. I suppose it's one of my more "controversial" decisions. But it is one I deliberated about and I have some good reasons for it. Well, I hope they are good anyways. They seem good to me.
@ Meteor Metal
Thanks! I really like that review you just gave. Not only is it worded well, and a bit flattering, but I believe it touches on a lot of what I hope people come away from this story with. I guess, being in (I think) the same demographic, we are thinking about similar aspects of the show.
:D I can't wait till you introduce the pegasi
ReplyDeleteRe-read chapter 2 and that story is kinda ominous with what we know of the future. Luna have that in mind when she turns against her sister? Nobody is the villain in their own mind.
ReplyDeleteLoved it, I love your other works too like 'ponies discover /co/'I eagerly await updates to this story. How many parts will it be by the way?
ReplyDelete*reads Ch. 6*
ReplyDeleteWell, that just kicked things up a notch.
Question, is this going to end up as an AU, with a completely altered--and more developed--universe, or is the end game going to end up looking like FiM?
Sly, how long do you usually spend on each chapter?
ReplyDeleteDo you have an idea for the story as a whole or are you developing it piece by piece?
Who is your favorite author?
Are you a career writer?
What do you think of Squeak's themes for Celestia and Luna?
What would your next big project be after Paradise?
Thank you for the most professionally written pony fanfiction this generation has ever seen.
Slywit, you are killing me here, ending the chapter like that. I want to know what will happen next so badly. Please write faster:D
ReplyDeleteI think it just me, but I think in the next chapter the sister will get their wings... god the suspense is driving me insane an hour after just reading it.
You. My goodness, it just keeps getting better. I am seriously starting to suspect you are a writer for the show....
ReplyDeleteAny way, amazing as usual. The progression and evolution of the story is well done. You make character development seem like an easy feat. Just when we think we have the pieces put together, you change what we knew. Well done my friend, I await the next installment, Keep up the good work.
Excellent.
ReplyDeleteYour story has been singlehandedly responsible for my love of the pony community's fan works.
I really enjoy stories now, but your story is leaving me on the edge of my seat. The only one that does so. It's very well-written, and I want to share my love for it via this comment. Thank you for writing :]
This is good. No, seriously. It's better than almost any book I can recall reading in the past 2 years.
ReplyDeleteGood job SlyWit. It's really coming out good.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait for next chapter! :)
Definitely a good reason why write books, You're great. I suck...
This is the only fic that I watch for updates. And I watch it like a hawk. Like a hawk made out of lasers.
ReplyDeleteI WATCH IT VERY CLOSELY.
This is awesome, and I get excited every time I see an update to it.
Oh it's getting good... I'm loving it.
ReplyDeleteGreat way to leave off CH6
I hope hope hope that this is leading up to Celestia: Glorious Leader of the Revolution!
ReplyDeleteFriggin short sighted unicorns are going to be in for a surprise when it's revealed that earth ponies have a knack for agriculture. You know, pretty much the basis of civilization.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteand
@Immaneuel
Both these questions I'd like to go a bit long in answering. I'll do my best to answer on my thread here:
http://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/res/906.html
I'm comfortable doing that on a message board rather than comments here. Comments here I try to reserve for reader reactions while the questions I go to the threads so I can go crazy. Maybe I'm a hint of OCD Rarity with the organization.
[Alternatively ask it here:
http://fim.413chan.net/fic/res/63.html
This one just isn't as busy as ponychan so I use it less]
@ImmaneuelShort answers I can do here. No, it's not an AU. The story should seamlessly (or as close as I can get to that) integrate in with the series FiM.
@Lucid!0oSwOEGDel
Don't be so hard on yourself. I enjoy your work and read all the updates.
Thanks to all others for the comments! The comments for chapter 6 made my birthday quite fun!
Hell I think a post of mine got eaten or disappeared somewhere.
ReplyDeleteAnyways: Answered a lot of questions here:
http://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/res/906.html
I wondered why the unicorns didn't help the earth ponies and now I know.
ReplyDeleteThey're assholes.
Okay, that's a simplified version of the truth, but still...
its too good, way too good, fanfiction shouldnt be this good. when is the next chapter?
ReplyDeleteSo, I had this big post somewhere, but it got lost and I had to go to work. So I left that short one. Here is the full post again, close as I can remember.
ReplyDelete@YouKnowMe
@Anonymous
@Immaneuel
Because I'm slightly Rarity OCD about organization, I never quite feel comfortable going all out with answers while in the comment section of the blog. In my mind, the blog is for the basic reactions from readers. The sort of mini-reviews they leave. But the threads devoted to my work, sky's the limit there. So . . .
I answered the questions in full on:
http://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/res/906.html
Short answer to Immaneuel though, it's not an AU.
@Lucid!0oSwOEGDel You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. I read and enjoy your work.
I shall sum up what I thought here.
ReplyDeleteNEXTCHAPTERPLEASENEXTCHAPTERPLEASENEXTCHAPTERPLEASENEXTCHAPTERPLEASENEXTCHAPTERPLEASENEXTCHAPTERPLEASENEXTCHAPTERPLEASE!!
I didn't think it was possible for this to get much better.....but it did.
Write, write fast.
When I got to the end of chapter 6, I had a big "you bastard!" reaction to Phantom. But then it occurred to me that from his POV, what he's doing isn't entirely unreasonable - I mean, unicorns born from earth ponies are presumably unheard of; if the earth ponies somehow brainwashed Celestia and Luna (as seems likely from his perspective), then letting them go really ISN'T a good idea.
ReplyDeleteI just read through the whole thing, and I must say I love it! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeletei just wanted to say that this is the best fanfic ever.
ReplyDeleteDude, I'm on pins and needles worrying about how long Celestia can hold out against the brainwashing and whether Luna can figure out a way to get out before Celestia will break.
ReplyDeleteThese unicorns are starting to bother me. Their culture seems... forceful.
ReplyDeleteBut anyways, it's getting good, SlyWit. So much suspense!
Can't wait for chapter 8, dude!
Also, can you drop your email next time we have a secure chat? I just wanna have it for the docs.
ReplyDeleteThese Unicorns could learn much from the Earth ponies - the only race of pony ever to have been exposed to the misery of slavery. But they are arrogant for the most part it seems, believing their magical abilities to be what places them above the earthen, 'savage' ponies.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to their society being deconstructed from the inside out as their utopian facade is shattered, revealing the true flaws of their isolationist culture and it's teachings.
Luna has already made the first step toward this. The butterfly is symbolic to freedom, nature, and Earth, which is none other than the three main aspects of a normal pony - it's in their blood.
The bubble is symbolic to the Unicorn's way of life: its based heavily on magic, and is invisible to the naked eye; it is sheltered, yet ironically it appears to only shelter the outside world from Unicorns; and unwilling to release those who reside within it.
The butterfly shall undermine the bubble surrounding Luna, and allow her to break it from the inside out. This foreshadows the same thing taking place later in the story, but on a grander scale, where the earthen ponies - or ponies familiar with earthen culture and virtues - shall break the Unicorns' system from within, and burst their bubble, so to speak. I cannot wait to read the next chapter, as I assume it is going to be the chapter where this happens.
My god man, this story is absolutely tremendous. I can only hope that Lauren Faust reads this one day and implements some of its ideas into the show's canon storyline. This story is just too good to NOT be canon. lol
ReplyDeleteWow, this actually makes an incredible statement about british nanny state culture and american no tolerance correction and reeducation complexes. Also, flutterbrave, fuck yeah. Thank you for answeing my questions in your thread, and happy belated birthday.
ReplyDeletePart 7:
ReplyDeleteAnd now things get REALLY interesting.
The split between the sisters is even more apparent now in the ways they deal with their current imprisonment. I find it kinda interesting that while Celestia's plans are to single hoofidly rescue her sister, Luna's plan is to bring them together to combine their strengths to escape.
Also the bit at the the end with the butterfly puts me in mind of my single favorite scene from Lord of the Rings where Gandalf conspires with that insect to aid in his escape.
There's something that's been on my mind, now more than ever. Something that has had no mention in this story: Pegasus ponies. Either they don't exist yet or, and more excitingly, they exist in secret from the others.
Man. This entire chapter - especially the herd's attempted brainwashing (well, "deprogramming" from their POV) of Celestia - has been downright heart-wrenching.
ReplyDeleteHow ironic that the Unicorns believe the Earth ponies to be inferior in terms of intelligence due to their way of life, and yet they also believe these same ponies have the intelligence to 'program' a Unicorn for their own benefit.
ReplyDeleteThat right there, is what is known as doublethink - a term coined in Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell. Doublethink is essentially holding two opposing thoughts, and believing both to be completely true at the same time. It is much like a paradox, but in the mind.
The more I sit here and mull over it, the more I begin to notice that the Unicorn's society shares a lot with the Psrty's 'Big Brother' society. Where everyone has a purpose, and the government regulates everything, and dissenters are not simply made to disappear, but are brainwashed into loving the system they so boldly hate.
There sure as hell better not be a room 101 for Celestia, I have a terrible feeling that it shall involve wolves if there is, and the mere thought makes me fearful for her.
Confound these fictions, they drive me to deep thought!
I still feel like Princess Celestia is our ruler, not the US president LOL
ReplyDeleteWow, that was a really good chapter. I tell you Sly, I could read this for hours. Great stuff, tugging at the heart strings. I like how the 'society' of your world is being explored. Grade A stuff, can't wait till next time.
ReplyDeleteDoes anyone else here hope that Phantom dies brutally or has something else really bad happen to him?
ReplyDeleteNeedless to say, great story so far. Can't wait for the rest of it to come out.
@Landon
ReplyDeletei dont want him to die, as far as he knows he is doing everything that has worked and kept everyone safe. the introduction of these new fillies has thrown everything off and it makes sense that his reaction is to try to teach them to be more like the other unicorns.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteand by teach i actually mean brainwash
This story is amazingly good. I remember when you posted it first, and only just now got back to binge on it up to chapter seven. Now I wish I'd waited longer, so there'd be more! I feel like I can't wait to see how the unicorn situation resolves, or how the sisters get their wings. I'll have to leave a bookmark here.
ReplyDeleteThis is easily my favorite story on Equestria Daily. I can't wait for Chapter 8!
ReplyDeletepins and needles man, pins and needles.
ReplyDeletecan hardly contain myself waiting for this to get to chapter 8. Keep up the good work brony.
so... luna got her wings first? a bit of mix-matching i see here
ReplyDelete@Shining Sparks
ReplyDeleteIf you remember, Celestia and Luna got their horns the same day, despite Celestia being older but a margin. Specific age was never the factor in gaining their famous attributes.
I really, really like the way you've been contrasting Celestia and Luna since their split-up. Celestia is passionate and fiery, but a little too blunt in both her magic and her approach. Luna is reserved and distant, but excels at details and minutiae. It makes their magic styles distinctly different, too.
ReplyDeleteAnd Luna gets her wings first! It was neat to see her triumph.
I really like this story. I can't wait for more.
So good, you have done it again. Twenty chapters though? Season 2 will be out by then! Don't compromise your style bro, and keep up the good work. I will be back, you've got me hooked.
ReplyDeleteThis is one of the few stories that, when I see a new chapter for, I immediately fist pump the air.
ReplyDeleteMy sincere thanks for the epic story so far, I look forward to more!
I sat and read this in one sitting, thinking it was complete! Now I have to wait til the next installment.. Very good stuff brony, keep it up.
ReplyDeleteSoooo here we are at Chapter 8.
ReplyDeleteIt's pretty good.
Actually, that's a lie. You just broke the bar by which other stories are measured.
This story had one of the ONLY well written fight scenes I've read in anything ever. Not even exaggerating. AND then another one. AND A FRIGGIN URSA MAJOR ATTACK WHILE THE TWO FIGHTS ARE GOING ON.
THIS is the chapter where we are reminded that we are following two characters who will be GODS by the end.
This also cemented several side characters in their place so firmly that it'll be interesting if we ever see them again. One dude's betrayal I foresee having very real consequences in his future and another's badassness will, I'm sure, be seen and put to the test again.
I just don't know what all to say. I guess the only critique I can give is that I really wanna know where pegasus ponies fit in this world since they finally get a passing mention.
This has just been so fascinating watching this story evolve and grow into the EPIC it is becoming.
Now I leave with this final thought: I wonder if the butterfly made it out okay?
Chapter 8
ReplyDeleteLike:
- Characterization and development
- The tragedy and triumph
So-So:
- The fighting. I lost track at times of what all was going on.
- The single-minded approach of the elders. Every group winds up with factions and I think that should have occurred here too.
Dislike:
- Waiting so long between updates..
ACK, this was on my to-read list for a while. I'd originally read it when it was just chapters 1 and 2 - now I have a lot more to catch up with!
ReplyDeletewoohoo!
@Anonymous
ReplyDelete^This^ is how I feel too.. I sorta lost track.. (probably doesn't help that I massively speed read.)
I think we can change *dislike* to *hate more then anything else ever.*
Amazing story.. I was actually thinking of this story when I woke up this morning (like.. 4am... thinking of this story... I'm crazy... leave me alone), then I got on here and it was like "PARADISE UPDATE"....
and at first I was like. :) then I was like :D AND THEN I was like.... well you get the point.
Anyways, please don't make me wait weeks before the next update.. I mean, I understand if you do, I know how hard it can be to get words to come out in sense making form.. but... PLEASE...
So beautiful... I don't know how the hell you manage to create such vivid scenes with words alone. I hope you finish this story, but I also hope it never ends :D
ReplyDeleteIts just amazing. I cant think of any other words to describe the story.
ReplyDeleteWhat an amazing fic! This story is a very impressive testament to the abilities of the fanbase.
ReplyDeleteBravo, sir, bravo.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteHmm, seems like I have a thing or two to improve on getting across. I'll address them as the story goes on.
So awesome!
ReplyDeleteJeez, 2 updates between me? I believe I need to start hustling.
ReplyDeleteLoved this chapter Sly, especially the fight scenes. Can't wait to see how Celestia and Luna fair in the Everfree, that should be interesting.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteAre you an english teacher?
Great story, but just a little bit of nitpicking on Chapter 8:
ReplyDeleteNear the beginning, you used the word "raddled," which means either to wear something down until it's useless, or to daub something red, neither of which I think you intended.
When the Ursa warning begins, you have Celestia talk about a "limerick" to remember what the warning was. However, a limerick has to have five lines with an AABBA rhyme scheme, as well as be humourous. I think the word you were really looking for was "mnemonic," which is a verbal device that aids in memory.
Again, not very important, just nitpicking, but they bothered the heck out of me when I read it.
Once again this story proves itself to be the greatest pony related fanfic, by far. It hurts that the updates take so long, but the time put into this story is abundantly evident, and I will be more than patient. You can't rush quality and this is absolutely fantastic.
ReplyDeleteAfter Paradise runs its course, do you think we'll see a sequel?
Wow. Normally I run through the fan fics on my text-to-speech reader while I work. This chapter with the Ursa was soooo exciting and serious that I sat there and payed total attention (no working). Bravo! Now I'm behind schedule... But I have to say, best chapter yet. Nothing was predictable!
ReplyDeleteIt has been said already but I can only agree with Anonymous (April 25 3:25 PM) on this: This is the greatest pony related fanfic by far.
ReplyDeleteYou are a god among writefriends, Slywit, and don't let anyone tell you any different.
A few more spelling and grammar errors, but they have significantly dropped in number from previous chapters.
ReplyDeleteOh my god... best... story... ever... I wish it got updated faster, but its definitely worth the wait!
ReplyDeleteSooo exciting. You're writing has gotten so great! It's been a blast to see it evolve, and get one if THE very best fic on the site, in the progress. Just epic, awesome. Now enough praise, GO WRITE THE NEXT PART!!
ReplyDeleteI have just read them all one after the other whilst I am meant to be working...
ReplyDeleteI love them and need to know what happens next!
I...Wow. That was downright PAINFUL to read.
ReplyDelete...
Just to be clear, I meant that as a compliment.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteSpam filter stopped my other posts. But anyways, consider those fixed.
This story needs a special 6 star rating or something. 5 stars just aren't enough to do it justice.
ReplyDeleteAwesome. I really like this Celestia, she's pretty hot blooded but there's just a real core of goodness in her. I thought it was amazing when she tried to reason with her captors and she spoke very well. The problem is that unicorns are apparantly dicks.
ReplyDeleteLuna being the first to get her wings makes sense. She's a dreamer and Celestia has her feet more on the ground.
This is probably the best Pony fic I have ever read. Great job.
ReplyDeletekeep up the good work
ReplyDeleteyou got some great talent
Everything have been said before.
ReplyDeleteThis, is a masterpiece, and I will die metling in horrible agony every single minute of my life, If I don't get next chapters like ASAP ;) I NEED to know how this one will turn out, when Celestia get her wings, when and HOW sisters began work to change everything into Equestria we all know and love. I need it now like a meth. 6 stars.
This is a great read and I am excited for the next chapter. Please hurry.
ReplyDeleteAs mentioned above, the butterfly scenario was similar to Gandalf's escape from Isengard, though just different enough to make it original in your story.
Also, your description of the sisters' experiences upon entering the unicorn herd--as well as some other details--bear striking resemblance to the journey of Eragon through Du Weldenvarden and the elf cities.
It's okay though because I love both of those books. I'm curious as to whether you were inspired by those books, Slywit? Either way, thank you very much for the awesome fanfic, and HURRY! NEED CHAPTER 9 NOW!
@Adam
ReplyDeleteThey were both, in fact, coincidences. While I HAVE seen and read Lord of the Rings some years ago, and you may consider this in your judgment, the scene wasn't an inspiration. It didn't even occur to me until someone mentioned it. The butterfly wasn't originally conceived as an aid in escape, but as I approached getting my ideas fleshed out on paper, I realized he was introduced at a perfect spot to become a tool thematically and logically in that escape. So really, it's simple luck that they strike a resemblance.
I've neither seen or read Eragon, so I can't comment as much on that. Not sure what details are similar. Composing their entrance was a matter of having constructed both cultures and several of the characters, then allowing them to play themselves out as their own introductions.
Though, I won't claim I've had no inspirations in this story. I'll go ahead and give you one not-really-disguised inspiration. The quotes at the beginning of each chapter is an idea I pulled almost directly from Frank Herbet's Dune. I think it was something to do with the fact that Celestia is a god-empress of sorts, which led me to thinking of Dune;s universe, which led me to thinking how fitting it'd be to have a Dune-style quote to frame the chapters at the beginning, as well as flesh out character. Ha, ha! That decision has left me with a panicked moment or two when I felt I had no quote to give! But luckily, I've always thought of what that seemed to fit in the end.
Finally, for chapter 9. I'll try! All this clamoring for more I didn't quite expect after a climax like chapter 8! Chapter 9 will be delivered as soon as I complete it, but keep in mind that I am also dealing with a few life issues like money that might slow progress down. Also, I need to spend some time thinking and composing more in my mind. All the comments are encouraging and will drive me to do more, sooner! Big changes ahead!
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteA sequel? That's really difficult to say. We'll see, by the end of this story.
You know, I'm on the edge of my seat waiting to see how Celestia developes. The world she's in sucks and I can't really see how she and her sister can work to make things better without compromising at least a little and getting their hooves dirty. Still, I'm really hoping that Celestia takes the hard path and doesn't compromise, and that she makes the world a better place by exemplifying elements of harmony and not just paying them lip service.
ReplyDeleteOh where oh where is chapter 9! Reading Paradise is the only reason I even look foward to sundays!
ReplyDeleteHaha just kidding(not really), take your time, the story is a magnificent read! Truly astounding. I recommend this to my friends when they want a good MLP fanfic to read. We are all waiting anxiously. Also, my girlfriend is tired of me bitching about wanting to read the next part LOL
This is a fantastic read. It's exactly what I look for in a fantasy story and it's about Celestia and Luna. How could I ask for more? Keep up the quality work. I'm eagerly looking forward to the coming chapters
ReplyDeleteThis really is fantastic. I'm looking forward to more.
ReplyDeleteEducated response: I most say I love the way you are taking the story, even if I find the story to be very slow. That is actually a compliment, you take your time to develop everything and nothing is just thrown at your face, which makes everything so much believable than if stuff just happened. I hope you continue this with the same quality you have shown and rest assure I'm saving this so that even if this website or fandom disappears your story will live on.
ReplyDeleteInternet response: MOAR!!!!!! MOAR!!!!!!! MOAR!!!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!
Oh man, Madmax was right, this is a really great story.
ReplyDeleteBut now I have to wait for more. D:
^^ What the last Anonymous said.
ReplyDeleteIs this fic still being updated?
ReplyDeleteJust hang on everyone. Same thing happened to me. I'm sure our patience will be rewarded. SlyWit has yet to dissapoint.
ReplyDelete@Sumec
ReplyDeleteYes, give me a little more time. Nothing short of an apocalypse (aponycalypse?) will stop me from trying to update this story. Stay tuned.
Oh man. I've been waiting for another update for a really long time now. But I'm sure that when the next chapter comes! You'll knock our socks off right!?!
ReplyDeleteI just want to say that this is quite frankly. The best piece of literature, I have ever read in my entire life.
Slywit. Thanks for writing such an amazing story. I really do feel like i should be thanking you for it.
I bet the next chapter is gonna be a real killer. I can't wait to read it =)
(6/5 stars)
ReplyDeleteWow, just read the whole thing from top to bottom (chap. 1-8 as of the time of this post). Gotta say, I'm not normally into fanfic but... seriously this is freaking awesome! I certainly hope you can find the time to complete this story because chapter 8 has left me on the edge of my seat! On a personal note, its good to see that both the sisters got to be first at something, those of you who just got done reading chapter 8 will know what I mean. :D
@Naxts
ReplyDeleteOh, sun-goddess, the pressure!
I'll try my best for the next chapter like always.
I have to say, unequivocally, that this is the best piece of fanfiction I have ever read. I felt my heartbeat start to race when Luna and Celestia were first separated, and adrenaline made my body all jittery as I made my way through chapter 8...
ReplyDeleteI cannot wait for the next chapter, at all.
"I felt my heartbeat start to race when Luna and Celestia were first separated, and adrenaline made my body all jittery as I made my way through chapter 8... "
ReplyDeleteThis. So much. Never has my heart pounded so much reading a story. I felt geniune heartache at the sisters' plight and geniune hate at the unicorns for what they did. This story has been at the back of my mind for an entire day. I feel so... invested in it.
Bravo, Slywit! Bravo!
all i can really say about this is,
ReplyDeleteOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG IT'S SO GREAT
and i don't really want to put pressure on slywit if he ever reads this, but I CAN'T WAIT FOR PART 9!!!!!!!
and your stuff is amazing, great job!
it really just makes me want to give you a hug!
This is so awesome I might die.
ReplyDeleteLOVE IT!!! Can't wait for more [IMG]http://i1131.photobucket.com/albums/m559/Zappity2/My%20little%20pony%20Friendship%20is%20Magic/twilightsmile.png[/IMG]
ReplyDeleteSlywit.....WHY IS THERE NO CHAPTER 9 YET! C'MON MAN DON'T HOLD OUT ON US LIKE THIS! You want my TV? Take it man, Just one chapter man thats it, all I need is just one chapter and Im going clean man! Aww who mahi kiddin!? PLEASSSEEEE!!!
ReplyDelete@Meteor Metal
ReplyDeleteLife hasn't been giving me much a chance to be productive. The next chapter is still currently sitting at half written first draft. And I'll continue to add to it little bits when time allows
@SlyWit
ReplyDeleteThats life man. I hope it starts getting better for you. I also like the art for this that has surfaced. Thanks for not letting you sell my TV for my paradise fix.
@Meteor Metal
ReplyDeleteOh, I'm still on for that TV.
I don't really have time to read too many epic length fics, seeing as I work 10 hour days every day. But I read chapters 1-8 over the past few nights, and I gotta say, I can really see why bronies rave over this thing. No wonder you got your own MadMax tribute image. Can't wait for more!
ReplyDeleteSide note: Maybe it's just me, but this makes it seem almost like unicorns were kind of fascist pricks "back in the day".
This is simply amazing! I found a link to Paradise from one of my favorite pony artists and I am hooked! I can't WAIT for more!
ReplyDeleteThis is possibly the greatest fan work I've ever SEEN. Since I started reading it five hours ago I haven't stopped spouting praise for the amazing world building until I annoyed them into picking it up. It pries emotion out of me with every sentence, sending my heart soaring, my stomach sinking and my eyes welling with tears with every twist of the plot. Then again, maybe I'm just vulnerable because it kept me up all night, unable to stop reading.
ReplyDelete^"to my friends* until I annoyed them into picking it up."
ReplyDeleteWow. Breathtaking. Just finished this, after spacing out about two chapters a night (okay, I cheated and read 4 just now).
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work when you find time. You are an amazing writer.
@SlyWit Good work! I Like where this is going and eagerly await your next chapter! Your writing is exelent!
ReplyDeleteChapters 4-7 slowed down a good bit, but Chapter 8 was great! Now I'm dying for a conclusion to the story. I can't wait to see how Celestia becomes an alicorn and how they both ascend to godhood. Godspeed in writing. I look forward to each update.
ReplyDeleteThe writing is amazing! Once I stopped reading, I seriously couldn't look away, and my heart's pounding from reading that last scene. Really well-done!
ReplyDeleteOh god MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!MOAR!
ReplyDeleteAlso, Please
ReplyDeleteok I'm going to post every day till Moar.
ReplyDeleteDay 1
YOU'RE ALIVE!
ReplyDeleteI'm very glad this is still alive.
ReplyDeleteYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!!
ReplyDeleteHmm what horrors shall they face in the Everfree Forest at night once again good to see this fic updated. Keep up the good work
ReplyDeleteThis updated? MOST EXCELLENT. :D
ReplyDeleteI really do love the characters Celestia and Luna. And more specifically I love the sister to sister relationship. :3
*Yay*
ReplyDeleteBEFORE I READ THIS I HAVE TO SAY THIS" TOOK YAH FIVE MONTHS GEEZ
ReplyDeleteIt's back!
ReplyDeletehttp://ganton3.deviantart.com/art/INSTANT-FLUTTERSHY-Flash-211870538
Definitely had a bit of a Twilight Sparkle "YES" moment seeing this update on the front page. I've only recently started reading pony fics, but this is my favorite by a landslide -- wonderfully written and wonderfully inventive. Fantastic stuff, Slywit :)
ReplyDeleteIt's.... ALIVE!! MUAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!
ReplyDeleteAlso, because this popped into my head.
Flankenstein.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI do that every time this fic updates, and I imagine we're not alone in this reaction.
Slywit, I think that I would need your skill with words in order to express just how awesome this story is (if such a feat is even possible). Keep it up!
FUCK YEAH, NEW CHAPTER! This is the first one I've seen freshly updated so I immediately did a triumphant fist-pump. I'd actually been having a pretty shitty day, but this makes it all better.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad to see that this story is back! This is my very favorite early Celestia/Luna story! :)
ReplyDeleteI haven't read the entire story, but I'd just like to say that you dragged me in the first chapter and I can't stop reading. It's such an enthralling story. I don't feel like I'm reading just another pony fan fiction, I feel like I'm reading a novel written by an ingenious best-selling author.
ReplyDeleteThe story is sad, emotional and down-to-earth. I wouldn't have it any other way.
I'm very glad to see this story continuing. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteHi ,how are you. We all like horse things so here I recommend www.equestrianlover.com which is the best community to search Countryside Dating and Cowboys Cowgirls for fun, love, romance.Hope you can join it and enjoy your life there.
ReplyDeleteYay! Paradise is back!
ReplyDeleteI found this in the archives and started reading it. Then I saw that the last update was in April and despaired. Then I went to the main page and you had updated it while I was reading! Thank you! Very exciting stuff, keep it up, *please*!
ReplyDeleteWhen I first found Equestria Daily this was the first MLP fan fic I read. I never Bothered with fan fiction (in general) before that point. I am so happy to see it finally updated. It is certainly the best early Celestia and Luna fics on the site. Probably the best story on the site period. So imaginative and detailed. You have created your own little mythos here that you continue to build on. I can not express enough how much I love this story.
ReplyDeleteoh. my. GOD.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe this updated!! This is one of my all time favorite stories, I am SO glad it's still alive!!!!! Bless you Slywit, you magnificent brony.
Excellent new part.
ReplyDeleteAfter the battle in part 8, part 9 is refreshing breather as the sisters take a rest and plan their next move. And of course they decide to move on to the Pegasi... if they can find them.
Of course, being in the wild again, the sisters have to be mindful of predators, something their Earth pony origins stands them in good stead. And I like that the "Earth pony magic" isn't depicted as some supernatural sense but as an intuitive ability to spot subtle patterns.
Plus the image of Luna (over)loading her wings up with fruit is just plain adorable.
So what adventures await them in the Everfree night? I can't wait to find out.
It's back! and still as epic as ever! Glad to see the first amazing fanfic I read after just becoming a broney is back! Still my favorite story. I say it's my favorite story every time there is an update, but that's because it's awesome...
ReplyDeleteIf they ever do an offcal FIM movie, I'd want it based on this... just sayin...
Celestia's smaller form being a simple white body pink mane colored pony? i think i've seen that pony somewhere in show...but she had blue eyes not pink...that reminds me, i never checked the cutie mark on it
ReplyDeleteMy lord. How did I not find this pile of awesome before now? How could I have passed over it? Considering what it is, I' glad to know the story is back on it's feet. It's without a doubt one of the best here.
ReplyDeleteSorry, "pile" is the wrong word.
ReplyDelete"Tower" would be more appropriate.
Nice to see grumpy get his flank handed to him.
YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH AN UPDATE!
ReplyDeletei love this thing so much i can't even
After the adrenaline pumping previous chapter, the more sedate pace of this one seems perfect, conveying the (perhaps brief) period of calm that the sisters get to enjoy now reunited. I loved seeing the interactions between Celestia and Luna again, particularly their inital meeting. Aww.
ReplyDeleteYour world continues to be really well thought out and wonderfully described. Thank you very much for bringing us more of this story.
I just read 1-9.
ReplyDeleteYou need to continue this, I can't get enough.
OH man. I almost thought that you gave up on this amazing series for a while. And here you are popping up another amazing part.
ReplyDeleteThis series is just perfect. Please keep going, I love this so much.
Alright. Day 2: mos-
ReplyDeleteOh. That was fast. Umm, i guess I'll start again:
Day 1 : MOAR!
when should we expect a new chapter?
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteYep! I told you that I'm not quitting this, and I mean it. It just might take some time for certain chapters, but I work on them regardless.
@Anonymous
I really liked this comment.
@ChefSandy
Thank you, Chef. Like the podcast, by the way. I listen every week.
@Anonymous
why yes, I do like horse things and search Cowboys Cowgirls for fun.
@LoLZorZs
It's very possible a pony of the same colors has shown up in the show itself. It's an appealing design, and girly enough for Hasbro's wants.
@EMERALD PAGE
While I enjoy the enthusiasm more than I can express, I am quite afraid that your current strategy will end up feeling like spam in the comments. If you do comment, I'd prefer to have a question or hear a comment on the story itself rather than just counting the days.
But you are always encouraged to pester me on my ponychan or FiMchan threads. They are meant for such silly stuff and you can keep track of the progress I'm making. I ofetn just give status updates on the word count on the Ponychan thread
@Anonymous
As soon as I complete it is the best answer I can give. I'm hoping that I've found a stride and the next chapter will come out in one or two weeks from now. Check the pony chan thread I have where I just blab about my progress, or you can comment and ask any question you feel like.
To everyone else that commented. Thanks a lot! Even if I didn't comment directly, I did read yours and I probably made a girlly squee at seeing the enjoyment you get from my work. Keep your eye out for more updates as I can.
@SlyWit : "It's very possible a pony of the same colors has shown up in the show itself. It's an appealing design, and girly enough for Hasbro's wants."
ReplyDeleteWhen I first heard filly Celestia being described, I actually thought of Sweetie Belle. There are some differences, of course, but other than a background pony, I think she might be the closest. Just my opinion, though.
Excellent fanfic by the way! Can't wait for more updates!
THE best story i have read in a long time! I used to read things like "The Dragonlance chronicles". This has just brought me right back to those days when i sat alone in my room, reading such books and i cant even express how much i want to read MORE!
ReplyDeleteYay SlyWit, you finally updated!
ReplyDeleteNow all I need is Lucid to update and I'll be happier than Pinkie Pie at a party store! :D
In just a few short days some of my favorite stories updated; The Ballad of Twilight Sparkle keeps getting better, and Progress never fails to entertain. Their updates made me happy.
ReplyDeleteThis, though... When I saw that Paradise was back my breath caught in my throat. This is just one of those few stories where waiting for more is painful.
Thank you for continuing this, Slywit! As soon as 6-star tagging was implemented this is the first story I went to check, to make sure it had it. It's beyond well deserved. :D