[Sad]
Author: Triscy
Description: With being outcast from Ponyville and only feeling ill in Cloudsdale, Gilda has lived in the Everfree forest for over a year ever since she lost her friend Rainbow Dash. More than half her nest lays littered with crumpled and pierced letters she never sent, and the creatures of the forest have given up on comforting her. Gilda has never felt more alone in her life.Feathers (New Part 5!)
When the wandering Fluttershy happens upon her home, Gilda finds forgiveness in the last place she would ever expect. But will the rest of Ponyville forgive her?
Additional Tags: Sad, Aftermath, Forgiveness, Regret, Guilt
52 comments:
NOT FIRST!
ReplyDeleteGilda fanfic!
gonna read!
I already read this on FiMFiction, and it is a very good read. The imagery is very successful at convey's Gilda's isolation and regret.
ReplyDeleteI always felt that Gilda had more to her character than the show suggested. I will continue watching this, and congratulations on getting this on Equestria Daily!
I hate Gilda with a passion, but I just have to read this.
ReplyDeleteFluttershy?
ReplyDeleteYou mean the pony she frightened to death?
This is probably a hell of a story. Must read.......
Not even halfway down and I got hooked. 5 stars. Make it a 6-star, bronies.
ReplyDeleteWow, that's some amazing writing skill there. It's a Gilda story too, so added bonus!
ReplyDeleteWhy do people act like she was kicked out of town? They all attended a party in an attempt to maybe start things fresh with her. She left on her own volition.
ReplyDeleteSame as trixie, who wasn't even responsible for the ursa minor incident...
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteValid point. I feel sort of wrong going back to edit that about at this point, though.
It's very well written, but the premise of the story is hard to believe. It's not like she was officially banned from ponyville, and one whole year in the everfree forest? Gilda has to be deeply disturbed to willing choose isolation that long, along with giving up her former home.
ReplyDelete@Tricky Step
ReplyDeleteThanks for the compliment. I can see where your coming from, and I agree. I really can't argue against what you say, but I'm glad you enjoyed it anyway.
while I agree with the premise being estranged, going past it I find the read very enjoyable. In particular Gilda's attempts to deal with her clashing pride and regret. I look forward to your next installment!
ReplyDeleteYou actually succeeded in making me feel sad for Gilda and made me cry. And it's only the first 2 chapters.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work.
This was one of the best fanfictions I have read in a long time. Imagery was beautiful and in all, EXTREMELY well written. 5 stars and if I could, I would give it 10. Very well done.
ReplyDeleteI think it's right that Gilda wouldn't go back to Equestria. She seems too proud. As has been said above, an excellent mix of pride and regret.
ReplyDeleteAs the pre-reader that green-lighted this story, I give you a 5-star rating on the page.
ReplyDeleteThis is easily one of the best I've had the pleasure to read and to recommend posting.
I expect good things from you, Author.. and you've not disappointed. :)
--Pre-reader 25-ish
There are some awkward bits to the writing, overly flowery words that fit together legibly but not really smoothly. It feels like the author was just *trying* to bump the word count. Other than that, I thought it was well-written, and certainly captures a fair bit of emotion that more than makes up for a few wording gaffes. A good read, 5 stars.
ReplyDeleteChapter 2 works very well, being a big fan of Gilda stories I am going to bookmark this story.
ReplyDeleteI'm wondering how many other ponies will be pulled into this. Pulling off a great Pinkie Pie part to flow with the conflict of the story would make my day.
I think I started in the right way, for being the first time I read a story about MLP, It's very very well written, I knew there would be a story to deepen Gilda, but I didn't know it was going to be done so well. I feel so bad for Gilda, although I hated her.
ReplyDelete@Triscy
I'm looking forward to part 3!!, I think the story is pretty good and it doesn't have any problem. If I did something wrong like Gilda did, I would feel so bad, even, If the others didn't care about the situation.
Sorry if my english isn't good. greetings!
I thought this was great so far - and this is coming from someone who had no sympathy for gilda. In fact this is the first story about her I've read.
ReplyDeleteIt has wonderful potential, and I can't wait for more.
On an aside; I don't really mind her implication that she was exiled (as some above did). Even if she left on her own volition, if I were her I would feel like my actions exiled me by default, even if it were never made explicit.
Meh, only downside i see from this story other than than the usual's? i cant fucking download it as a .pdf
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteMostly I'm trying to give fimfiction a bit of advertising, considering the admin's a nice guy and I know I'd want to have people visit my sites more. Once I finish the story, though, I'll definitely put up a .pdf download for you and everyone else.
How hard is it to use a pdf printer like cutepdf? I mean seriously.....
ReplyDeleteHow hard is it to use a pdf printer like cutepdf? I mean seriously.....
ReplyDeleteFantastic!, now, I'm waiting for part 4.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
The author is trying to get more visits to his site, and there's no problem with that.
@XKat's*
ReplyDeleteCorrection; it's not my site. I just think the guy who runs it is cool so I'm trying to help him out.
I'm well aware that Gilda from episode 5 isn't a
ReplyDeletevery likable character, mostly for the way she bullied Fluttershy to tears, however, I like to believe that even Gilda is capable of changing for the better & actually becoming a likable character. Triscy, I am totally enjoying this story. I'm looking forward to reading the rest of this story very much. I'm loving it!!!
ok so I find myself liking Guilda five. cool.
ReplyDelete@Pony Lover
ReplyDelete@Timber
Danke. XD I didn't think much of Gilda at first, but ever since I started this fanfic, she's definitely jumped into my top 3 favorite characters. XD
@Triscy
ReplyDeleteOops, sorry, I was wrong, anyways, the point is that you just want to help getting more views to the site and nobody has to insist you for a .pdf download.
Sorry if my english is not good.
Hm. The premise is good and the execution is good enough. The story may be pushing the angst a bit much, but on the other hand the reasoning for it is sound. I mean, Gilda wasn't exactly shamed out of town like Trixie was, but it is understandable why she would end up treating it like she was.
ReplyDeleteCouple of things:
The writing is occasionally a bit too flowery considering the characters who take part in it.
I also like grumpy, sleep-deprived, Fluttershy; but there are times earlier in the story where she seems to be acting a bit too confident for her own good. The fact that it is Gilda she has the confidence around makes it stick out even more.
I'll give what is there now a solid 4/5, and I'll keep my eye on it.
@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDeleteThanks for the crit. I'll take your advice into consideration for future chapters.
Speaking of which, I should be getting around to doing those. XD
Good so far, but there's a few little nitpicks, mostly the occasional over-dramatic stuff and the occasional mild OOC.
ReplyDelete@Tricky Step
ReplyDeleteI agree... there was a story about a similar situation with Fluttershy and Trixie, but that one was a lot more believable simply because Trixie is indeed the kind of person to run off without a thought and get herself lost in the Everfree.
Gilda's not only a griffon, which means she could fly out at any time if something like that happened, but she's also the kind to shrug everything off; I can't believe she'd do something like this over the confrontation at the party.
This story while interesting and all grates on my nerves a little bit for some minor nitpicky things.
ReplyDeleteHalf the time I notice an attempt at Ponifying/Ponification of words, but then when you say they reach out a Hoof for a Handshake you actually use the human term rather than the ponyfied version. After all A Hoofshake would be what it's called in Equestria between a pony and another pony.
Then we have the perplexing Cockney accented Dash, using the word Oy just about every time she's addressing somepony, or at least when she was talking to Punch at the end of chapter four and then turning to address Pinkie. What's with the Oy? I can understand if it's a native dialect thing from the author coming through in the writing, but the character of Rainbow Dash would not talk like that. And the fact she is using it the way she is makes it come off as a parody of a bad cockney accent, 'Oy, guv, how's the barmy weather out there?' if anything Dash is the typical mid-western tomboy in her accent.
I hope I'm not being too harsh in my criticising, while the story is entertaining and I do find the premise interesting enough to overlook these slight (and they are slight) flaws, the lack of proper ponification, or at least the half-hearted attempt the author is portraying and Rainbow's mysteriously sudden accent do chip away at this reader's nerves just a wee smidgeon.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the critique. I'm not the best at going about the ponification of the phrases, but I could probably remedy the majority of the words I missed by opening it up in Word and using ctrl+f to find words I need to replace. I'll put in the time to work on this at a later time, as I'm writing this before I need to head out to an appointment.
As far as Dash, I'm honestly rather confused by this. I'm American, never have been to Britain. My intention was never to give her a cockney accent; I just consider "Oy" and other such short phrases to be more universal "Jeez, dang" type words meant to portray annoyance. I would have never even considered the idea that "Oy" could be taken for a cockney accent had you not pointed it out, and I still find that it isn't ONLY related to the accent. I'll try to cut down on the use of it, but as I've said I never intended an accent.
@Nyerguds
ReplyDeleteI'd agree that this is still sorta like a Trixie story starring Gilda in that respect, but on the other hand I think if Gilda viewed what happened between her and Dash as a betrayal, then I'm not sure if we even know enough about her character to understand how she would react to it.
I've seen a variety of interpretations for this exact scenario, and this isn't the first story I've read where Gilda basically BSoDs when she realizes the her and Dash are no longer friends (though so far this story has taken that theory a bit farther than any others I've read).
Starting Chapter 4 now.
@Nyerguds
ReplyDelete@TenchiFreak5
Yea, I can see your points. If I were starting this story at the beginning with the critique I've received thus far, I probably would have toned it down quite a bit. But at heart, I'm not a writer for the show and this is meant to be fun, and I'm having fun working with Gilda as I have made her and I don't want to go back and redo the whole thing.
I'll say that this is my first fanfiction and, honestly, one of my few real attempts at prose writing as I primarily write webcomics and, thus, my main form of creative writing comes out as scripts that I hand to someone else. Neither of these points are meant to be excuses for the possibly OOC to the extreme portrayal of Gilda, but rather to state that I'm not really betting my career on this piece of work and that it was meant to have fun and put my hat in the ring. So far people are enjoying it, and it's been a while since I've actually had actual feedback on a project(I blame how slowly webcomics update).
Just as a general note, I want to thank everyone who reads it, even if they absolutely hate it(though I haven't received anything telling me that it sucks yet, just the general replies about inaccuracies and oddities that detracted but didn't destroy people's enjoyment). I'd be a hypocrite to tell people "Don't hate what I've written" when I enjoy being able to say "I hate this story".
I'm just flattered that people actually read my story.
took long enough -.- oh well at least its here :D
ReplyDeleteLoved it. I can only hope for a sequel showing how Gilda gets used to things.
ReplyDeleteHm. On the one hand, I like the improvements you made to the writing, particularly how you wrote Dash and Gilda. There is more of that Gilda temper in this chapter than I recall in the other ones, and Dash's similar impatience felt like it was barely restrained throughout the entire chapter.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, the ending was just kinda dropped in our laps. Now, there are certainly stories where you can have an ending subtle like that (episode-style comedies, for example), but with a story like this it seems to me that there needs to be a bit more closure than what was there.
As a package, I'll give it the same 4/5 that I gave it in the beginning.
The ending seems more like you said "Fuck it" aand stopped writing. A shame, really. Up till then you had a great story going, even though you never explained how or why they got to Phillydelphia. Chalking it up to Pinkie is a copout.
ReplyDelete@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDelete@Timber
I know it feels like I just dropped the ending, and in a way I did. I didn't want to; I wanted to offer a good piece of closure, but by the end the whole story felt like a chore instead of a worthwhile project.
I'm considering an epilogue of sorts and I might rework the final chapter a bit more, but I'm not making any promises and, if I do, it'll be further down the road. I don't work in prose or fanfiction often. Prose is a lonely experience for me, and fanfiction is something I avoid in preference for working with my own ideas and characters. It never feels like I do the characters justice, and Gilda's OOC attitude is evidence of that.
I appreciate that you still read it, nonetheless. I wasn't trying to screw my audience over, but I also lacked the muse that I would have needed to make it a great ending. I hope you can understand my position.
Normally In amsterdam not that big on open endings, but its really works here. Nice way to wrap things up, and al very nice story in general.
ReplyDelete@Baree
ReplyDelete...I'm guessing you're posting from a mobile device with some sort of autocomplete function? :p
@Triscy
Well, in your defense, the writing style is nice. Don't give up on writing ;)
The ending I didn't see as a cop out or that you gave up. it was actually perfect. The characters were reunited with Gilda, and both sides showing their forgiveness(assuming that was the point of the story). There could of been a bit more interaction at the bar in the end, but I was NOT disappointed in the ending.
ReplyDeleteFew other things to mention, Pinky seams OOC, but you did touch on that in the story. The other was how they got to Fillydelphia. It could of been an accident and then work in that they hear a roomer about a griffon or something. Or if you wanted to use pinkysense, maybe a direction, or city, or something general that would lead there, rather than a strait up, im pinky, and this is where gilda is.
Good read, sorry that it became a chore by the end :( maybe my thanks will comfort you ^^
Reworked final chapter is much better. I actually liked the original ending, but this fits much better. Bravo.
ReplyDeleteThis new ending much better. It almost seems to be channeling Heart of Gold Gilda in how she reacts towards Dash's affection when she wasn't expecting it (which is no small compliment), and overall it is a much more complex and natural flowing ending than the previous one that is more consistent with Gilda's characterization in previous chapters. It also speaks a lot more about Dash and Gilda's future friendship than the original one did, providing much more closure without needing to utilize an Epilogue.
ReplyDeleteI honestly still can't bring myself to 5-star this story, but let it be known that with the revision it comes much closer than it did before.
@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDeleteThanks for the praise! I feel a little more accomplished and proud of myself now, especially since people are willing to give me a chance to redeem myself.
It's alright; I'd love this to be a 5-star story, but I'd be fooling myself to think it actually was. 4.5 is good enough for me; that's still a 90, which is an A as far as the USA is concerned. XD
Heh. I'm the minority it seems, but I rather liked the first version of chapter 5. I don't suppose you still have it?
ReplyDelete@Baree
ReplyDeleteI do, but just for archival reasons. I really don't want the original version to hang out on the internet at all to avoid people stumbling upon that instead of the improved version. Sorry.
@Triscy
ReplyDeleteThat is fine. Still, I can't help but ask if you would be willing to send it to me through email or some such. I Pinkie Pie promise I will never put it online anywhere.
Of course, if not I fully understand.
Link should be .net, not .com
ReplyDelete