[Grimdark][Adventure][Sad][ROLLERCOASTER] I was saddened, terrified, and fascinated all in the same chapter. More, please! -Pre-reader #15
Author: Wanderer D
Description: Luna feels something weird when walking through Canterlot and finally, with Celestia's help, manages to discover what it is. But what does it mean?
Silent Jade (Side Story) (New Part 6!)
The Empty Room (All Links)
Additional Tags: Mystery, Family, Friendship, Learning, Hope
Fan Art
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755 comments:
Oh, silly me. I forgot to post my predictions for this story as of now!
ReplyDelete[POSSIBLE/PROBABLE SPOILERS]
On the obvious side, Nightmare Moon is not evil. Luna's personality at the time of conversion, plus the aftereffects of the Elements of Harmony have kept Luna in complete control of her dark self.
Also, the Rainbow Dash walking in at the end of Chapter 8 is a fake. Loyalty is her element, after all.
Now, onto the subtler aspects:
The newlydead unicorn is NOT Twilight's father, but is a member of the Council of Nightmares. I suspect it may be Lance's body, after having second thoughts once Twilight "died". I'm guessing he was going to betray the Council on the night of Twilight's "murder", but had to escort Dash and co. to the crypt. Unless my memory is bad and Lance is not a unicorn. In which case the dead unicorn is some other guard in the Council of Nightmares.
[END SPOILERS]
Still, there is not enough data for me to definitively put my finger on the true intent of the Council. I give you props, I'll have to re-read the Chapters thoroughly, now...
Chapter nein! I really hope that RD has something up her sleeve, even though she doesn't because ponies are usually naked. :|
ReplyDeleteCan't wait for the next installment!
OH SNAP.
ReplyDeleteSilent Solace, I won't dare to call this the best fanfic. Is good, yes, enough that even if simply find the way some character behave unnerving, you cna't keep yourself from reading. So is very good.
ReplyDeleteBUT WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH RD??
What the hell!! Seem that shipping has really bad effect on this ponies!!
I have been wating soo long for this :D
ReplyDeleteFUCK YES NEW CHAPTER
ReplyDeleteMebbe I'm reading it wrong, but it sure seems that RD's turn isn't of her own choosing. Spitfire's amulet and RD's words are highly suspicious...
ReplyDeleteI just spent 2 hours that I was going to draw ponies, on reading all 9 chapters of this wonderful story.
ReplyDeleteEh, that chapter lost me. The characters are far enough off from themselves now that it feels more like I'm reading a Forgotten Realms fic than anything.
ReplyDeleteI am starting to lose interest in the story. The characters feel so off and there are so many twists and turns that it is hard to keep track. I know that the story is Grimdark and it is still on going and there is this all one big mystery but seriously, give a dog a bone. Give the reader something.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many layers to the mystery, so many twists and turns and you just keep adding on to them. Maybe try to show where some of them are going in the next chapter. Not a full reveal but maybe [SPOILERS and potential theory] showing the reader that Luna is still in control of Nightmare Moon, or that the amulets have a some sort of corrupting effect on the ponies, altering memories and personalities. [/SPOILERS]
In all fairness I gotta say this is my new fav fic. It has actually surpassed Moonbeam and a few others in my eyes......
ReplyDeletePlease continue
This has become one of my favorite fics on this site.
ReplyDeletePLEASE CONTINUE
SLATE MY THIRST FOR MOAR
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure exactly where to go with this. Some parts are great, others far-fetched and peculiar.
ReplyDeleteFrom a factual angle, so far grammar has been very good, as has spelling, though in one or two places it seems that a word is missing from the middle of a sentence.
The concept in general is fantastic. The idea of Nightmare Flare is great. Twilight Spark also, with her revival by N-Flare, while perhaps a little cliché, works well. I do take some issue with Twilight Spark's character though. A 'vampire goth fillyfooler,' as was said in the story, does somewhat illustrate my point. I think it would have been less jarring to the flow of the story if she had been dry and almost unresponsive. Robotic you could say.
I do think that Applejack's reaction to Twilight Spark, however, is very appropriate. Being fooled by the false reversion, and trying to make Twilight Spark remember who she should be is exactly how I would expect AJ to behave in that situation, odd as it may be.
Moving to an earlier part of the plot: Trixie's death was a little sudden. Some form of build up to her finding the guardian would have aided the bumpy start to the tale. Her getting the map could have been a workable opening for example.
Excuse me for pointing out the negative, there are many thing I like too: This is one of very few so-called 'dark' fan-fictions that has actually kept me up at night, so-to-speak. The hidden door was a stroke of genius. A spell causes those directed directly at it to look elsewhere, and to have all memory of it wiped from all concerned, bar Luna, who was on the moon at the time.
The angle you've taken with Trixie has piqued my interest too. In death she seems to have realised the error of her ways, perhaps largely due to the compassion shown by Big Macintosh. I do so like the relationship you've built there. It's not blatant, out-right, Romeo-Juliet, Edward-Bella obsession but there is clearly some delicate feelings brewing between them.
Amazing... it all makes sense now...
ReplyDelete...I have a feeling that the fic's namesake is about to return to the center of attention... it's a good place to hide ponies trying to escape death, since only a select few can even access it...
...also, this is about to get into mindfuck territory, since it's clear that there is mind manipulating magic going on here similar to the enchantments on the hidden door...
And, yes, I am beginning to see how each and every mystery in the entire story mesh together. The centerpiece, I believe, of this web of riddles would be the former occupant of the Empty Room, amirite?
...at this rate, I'll end up going full-on Professor Layton on this fic. Well done.
I'm beginning to suspect that Celestia's sudden influx of evil has damaged her brain. Could she have left a bigger loophole for Nightmare Moon to use that assassin with?
ReplyDeleteAlso, Soarin needs to fire up his Gundam pronto (Soarin has the same VA as Kira Yamato from Gundam SEED).
@Yu Kigono He is? *blink*
ReplyDelete@Not A Good Username 360 You my friend, are a good challenge. Expecially since you take the time to read the reviews and answers I have given and also think through them. So, yes, let's see... nope, no Attorney series at all, seriously. Nor Professor Layton either, but those look very interesting. And to answer your question: Yes.
@Buster Not at all! Never apologize for writing a thorough comment! I want to earn my 5 stars and if ponies point out flaws or ways to make the story better to me it is always a good way to get there! I did downplay Trixie a bit at the beginning, but in doing that I was also conscious of how she would grow in the story, and so, although her death was "shallow" so to speak, it also reflected her personality (sort of) at the time. I'm glad to have so many readers willing to tell me what they think! Thank you!
@Anonymous Thank you for your kind words!
@SomeGuy Well, then I think you'll like the next chapter. We're approaching the point where things are going to start unravelling.
@Whiteout They're off? (I mean, Twilight... yes. Definitely.) But if you could help me out by pointing out more specifics I would greatly appreciate it. I know there is something weird with them, but as a result of the story (I hope) if characterization is off in parts that are not supposed to be affected by what's happening, it would really help to know!
@dustykat First, you have an awesome journal. I don't know if you've seen this, its from a friend of mine: http://www.motonisto.com/ he was showcased in Cafe Racer. The page needs work, but he has some awesome custom made bikes. Anyway, thanks for reading! Is there any chance we can see some of your artwork?
@lainofthewired An astute observation!
@Hellfish Working on Chapter 10 as we speak.
@Fez D Baron Some shippings are meant to be... some aren't.
@ToonNinja I am interpreting that as a good thing.
@PattyNot up her sleeve, but don't give up on her.
@Wanderer D: Well he sure sounds like Matt Hill (Kira's VA). FiM has had plenty of other Gundam alumni do voice roles. Scott McNeil (Duo Maxwell), played the Buffalo chief, for just one further example.
ReplyDeleteThis has been great story so far. Although the last chapter (9) started to feel bit slow and dragging. I think it's because the story just keeps adding more and more questions without answering any, and that leaves the reader frustrated and bored rather and anticipating next chapter because they think that it's going to do the same.
ReplyDeleteHere's some my speculations about the story so far (this contains SPOILERS of course)
[SPOILERS/ANALYSIS]
We can kinda gather that RD is either being corrupted by the amulet or being under the mind control of some pony and being given fake memories. The end of chapter 9 seems to be telling that she's fighting it and the amulet is slowly breaking apart.
As for why Luna was told to stand down I think it's because they were fighting a lost battle against Nightmare moon and they knew that Luna would get destroyed if she kept fighting so they told her to stand down so she could stay "alive" inside Nightmare moon and that way gain control again someday.
Relating to that I think Luna was the reason at least partially why Nightmare Moon didn't kill the ponies instead of sending them to moon. We also have to remember that we only have her word that they actually were send to moon.
I don't believe that Luna has complete control over Nightmare Moon but it's very likely that she can influence her decisions some what.
Two of the biggest things I noticed are:
1. None of the elements of harmony are dead (yet), well Twilight kinda is/was but it seems rest of them can "purify" her if not disrupted.
2. The room itself and why were the Council trying to attack it?
If they intended and wanted Celestia to turn into Nightmare Flare surely it would serve them better to just leave the room alone and Celestia with her sorrow. Sure the attack worked for them but only because they happened to kill Twilight during it and that caused Celestia to go over the edge.
[END OF THE SPOILERS]
Sorry about that wall of text there but when I read stuff like this I just have to analyze it and then get it out of my system.
As closing words.
Great story so far just remember the spacing with mystery stuff and throw the readers some answers or atleast part of the answers every now and then.
@Wanderer D
ReplyDeleteI knew it. Then there is really only one person who can be behind all of this... one central antagonist manipulating everything from behind the scenes... one screwing with the perceptions of everyone in the entire story... and, very likely, is the leader of the Council of Nightmares, and may even be the missing child of Celestia...
...AND THAT PERSON IS THERE!
*points dramatically at Twilight Spark*
Since we are in spoiler/speculation mode
ReplyDelete[Beware possibly SPOILER]
Is possible that Twilight is central to the Cpuncil of Nightmares plan, but is very likley that she wasn't on the right mindset and need to be killed and resurrected - much like Marvel Ninja clans modus operandi - in order to be useful. That said, the resurrection is still imperfect, as all resurrection are, and Twilight show quite a bipolar, childish and immature, personality(i find disturbing the implied rape of Twilight on Applejack), and so the old Twilight can be resurfaced. the two nightmares well they behave like one expect, insanely, egoistical, tyrants and such. better the elements end up doing somethign about, or Equestria would end up like Terminator grim future(big news, Bad guys are terrible at ruling the world, and 9 of 10 times they are so bad at it that CAUSE DROUGHT!!). Probably the Council plan to manipulate them, as even if they are powerfull, nor Flare nor Moon seem to be enough cool minded to avoid being cheated and tricked(not exactly cool poker player). One other thing. Nightmare Moon is TOO friendly and cooperative with Nightmare Flare. Odd considering the entire point of Nihgtmare Moon perosnality is to DESPISE her sister, no matter what. The fact that she is not a Nightmare as well, make it worst, as she would always been second, EVEN AS NIGHTMARE...one should think about it.
The mane 6 that got exiled were actually SAVED, as they can now plan fo a counterattack.
The bad guys probably focused too much on the main opponents(the 6 elements wielders) and undersitmated secondary players, this could prove to be fatal; understimating Trixie, BigMac, Soarin and Derpy(well I hope she gonna get some main role in the story, one never know) could not be wise.
[end spoiler, albeit is more of a *****d up theory right now]
@Wanderer D ...wait, seriously?!? No Professor Layton either?!? But... this story... with the various small mysteries... and the adding up to one big one that explains all of them... that's a staple of the Layton series!
ReplyDeleteHuh...
...well then, what mystery novels/games/movies HAVE you played/read/seen?!
Part 9 :
ReplyDelete>They landed in a heap, smoke coming out of them, but apparently still alive. Another lightning bolt. And another. And another.
-Guard #157, meh... An Official Wonderbolt member, ...bleh!
>“The Age of the Eternal Eclipse has begun!”
-Huh... Isn't it basicly Eternal Night, but if you look at the eclipse directly you can go blind, and maybe just slightly ''brighter'' ?
>Rainbow Dash had somehow succumbed to this... madness.
-For reasons that are yet to be explained...
Considering RD's background and general life, well, it will have to be one heck of an explanation to justify her ''membership'' in a Nihilistic Sect that kills parents, children, and Wonderbolts for breakfeast ?
It will probably be something overly simple like ''her parent(s) were in it, so she is''... again I must point her 'life's background'.
>“For as long as I have memory, I've had this, and I've known my duty...
-...I should start making bets, I would win a fortune...
>The door closed behind her, leaving Spitfire to stare at it guiltily, her hoof going unconsciously to hold her own amulet.
-By the dark gods of the Internet, I hope those amulets are in facts things that control/change/alter the mind or something ! ...(sigh)
@Nova25 Eternal Eclipse: Nopony said that Flare is in her right mind :)
ReplyDeleteAnd I wouldn't go making bets just yet.
@Not A Good Username 360 Eeyup! Neither. I'm not much into reading mysteries. Not even popular ones like Dan Brown. I read the Da'Vinci Code for a class, but I'm not a fan of his :P I've read all of Sherlock Holmes, and a lot of classic whodunits, but I read more Sci-fi and fantasy. The same goes for the games, I tend to play more RPGs and such. Final Fantasy, Lost Odyssey, Mass Effect, that kind of thing.
As for movies... I usually go for the epic since I can pretty much predict what's going to happen most of the time... but I guess if I were to try and pin where I learned the use of subplots, subtle foreshadowing, layers upon layers of stuff... it would have been Babylon 5. Hopefully one day I'll get it exactly right. ^_^
Not A Good Username: "...AND THAT PERSON IS THERE!" *points dramatically at Twilight Spark*
Twilight Spark: "Huh?" *Blink*
@Fez D Baron You actually hit a key element of the story in your comment :) That and well, Nightmare Moon and Nightmare Flare have different reasons for being as they are... but they might have more under their hooves than anypony might guess at a simple glance.
@Anonymous I commend you on your observations. In fact, several of them are directly answered in the next chapter (which hopefuly will come up soon).
@Yu Kigono I'll have to take your word for it, heh, I tend to watch anime with subs and I watched both, Seed and Wing (okay and 0079, 0080, etc) in japanese, so I wouldn't really recognize the voices in English.
So far, many of those ''bets'' came true, much to my dismay... yet, for once, I kinda want my most recent ''bet'' to come true.
ReplyDelete... now, if only I could find the proper page in that book of *Rituals of the Internauts : How to gain the favor of the Dark Gods of the Internet, Volume 1 of 1337* ...
Regardless of who Celestia's child is, I'm surprised the question hasn't come up, or been mentioned at all in the story, of who would have mated with Celestia to produce such a child. It's secondary to the child, for sure, but it seems to me something that would be kind of nagging.
ReplyDeleteWhoa, that was a fast update. The more of the story You write, the better and better it gets. The scene in Ponyville was brilliant. Not to mention that mattress fortress. Damn, I will even quote you from chat:
ReplyDelete"wandererd: Now I need to find somepony to draw the mattress fortress"
Can only hope the story won't take a strange turn somewhere and will keep it's... epicness
-PewnyPL/Anon 47 (Użytkownik anonimowy 47)
I, for one, wonder how a pony like Trixie could keep her magic after death (even under the abnormal circumstances of her death)...
ReplyDeleteAlso, why do people keep assuming that because Twilight Sparkle was loved by Celestia as a daughter that she was her daughter (I personally don't consider Twilight Spark to be Twilight Sparkle, just a golem with her memories and basic bodystructure... I also don't believe the Elements of Harmony (remaining) using that golem to bring back the true Twilight Sparkle is beyond the realm of possibility).
@Wanderer D Well I took some time to re-read the story so far and read the comments and I have changed my opinion to a more positive one, again. I guess I was just reading through the chapters quickly and, with the gaps in between updates, I needed to refresh my memory. I was just being impatient for things to start being revealed.
ReplyDeleteI have some theories on where some of the plot threads might be headed, but I will wait for chapter 10, as you suggested, and see what transpires.
Oh it just updated. Silly me.
ReplyDelete@Wanderer D Only kidding, Spark. Were it not for the medallion around Rainbow Dash's neck, you would have to be, at very least, the one who sealed the room in the castle.
ReplyDeleteYou see, Rainbow Dash's sudden change of allegiance, were it not for the medallions, could have only one other explanation: someone manipulated her mind; a spell would have had to been put on her to forget her first encounter with Nightmare Moon. Now, at the time of her change of allegiance, there were only four ponies capable of performing magic: Nightmares Flare and Moon, Rarity, and, of course, Twilight Spark. The Nightmares were occupied with their battle, and Rarity lacks the magical prowess to perform such a spell. Therefore, the only one who could have placed said spell on her would be Twilight Spark.
Which begs the question, since it's clear that Twilight Spark is an imposter, who is she really? She would possess magic identical to the enchantments placed on the room, and could easily have used these enchantments in order to deceive Celestia into thinking she was summoning Twilight. But Celestia would know if she wasn't able to summon Twilight, so, in order to ensure Celestia would transform, whoever she is could have transformed herself into what we know as Twilight Spark. This would also suggest that the imposter was a member of the Council. Likely, a very important one, with so much power at her fingertips.
As an added bonus, having the same magic as was used on the hidden room would suggest that Spark was the one who laid down that magic, meaning that she knows who Celestia's child is.
However, since Rainbow possess a medallion of her own, it is possible that the medallion could contain a curse that addles her mind. Therefore, I can't truly accuse Spark. Yet. Still, it's interesting that if that medallion is NOT the cause of Dash's behavior, Twilight Spark is implicated on several accounts.
Anyways, time to read chapter 10...
@Not A Good Username 360
ReplyDelete*reads Chapter 10*
*medallion is confirmed as the cause*
Dammit. And it was such a good twist, too...
Oh, well. I had hoped that the mystery of Rainbow Dash's behavior had a less obvious solution. But that doesn't discount the possibility of Spark being what and who I think she is. I just lack anything to support the theory now...
But one must twist theories to suit facts and not facts to suit theories, so I must retract my finger of suspicion. For now.
Curse you, suspense!
ReplyDeleteCURSE YOUUUUUUUUUUU
*shakes fist defiantly at no one in particular*
Great story, can't wait for next chapter, enjoying the wheels within wheels within wheels within etc approach the writer is taking.
Ooo, I was worried Applejack had given in to Twilight.
ReplyDeleteI thought I hated fanfiction, until I read this. I'm HOOKED!
ReplyDeleteKeep it coming!!
@Anonymous *is hit by fist*
ReplyDelete...
*pulls out revolver*
For your sake, that better not have been intentional...
Well that certainly answered a few questions.
ReplyDeleteNow for some new questions. [Spoilers]
Is Silent Jade a relative of Rarity and Sweetie Bell?
Is this Luna in control of N-Moon's body or a different N-Moon with a different set of motivations. If the latter can she be ultimately trusted?
Is Midnight, the Unicorn ghost in the catacomb, Twilight's father who died of to his injuries after fighting Twilight?
Is Twilight still alive and Spark is just a doppelganger? If not then Spark is the corrupted resurrection of Twilight, corrupted because the one who preformed the resurrection was corrupted themselves. Plus Resurrections rarely ever work properly.
Did the Guardian create the medallions? If not then who and why? What is their stake in all this? How will the other council members be freed of their medallions? It can't be as easy as it was for Dash.
From Midnight's reaction when he confronted Twilight, he, and I guess the rest of the council, did not know about the hidden room. I also guess that their plan was only to assassinate Twilight to make Celestia go Nightmare. The missing filly was just an unknown added bonus.
Speaking of the filly, does she even exist? If someone was able to place such an intricate series of spells on the room powerful enough to affect even Celestia, it would be completely within reason that they only wanted everyone to think that Celestia had a child. Her tearful reaction to seeing the room could have been another layer to the spell that fed off of her natural reaction to realizing what the room represented. So i guess that there is another force besides the Guardian and the Council at work.
[End Spoilers]
I do like the relationship you have building between Trixie and Big Mac. I usually don't like shipping but what you are doing here is more subdle relationship building. I can also see how Trixie has changed over the course of the story. I wasn't much of a Trixie fan either at first. I didn't hate her, but didn't love her either like a lt of people. But over time and with th help of the community I have grown to like Trixie a little bit.
Wow I don't think I have ever written a comment post this long before. Any way the story is getting more intriguing with every chapter. I wait in anticipation for the continuation of your story.
Hmmm... I wonder...
ReplyDeleteHey, Wanderer D, by any chance, are you following the rules of Fair Play Whodunnit? I am beginning to wonder...
Argh, I wish I didn't start reading this fic! Because now I'm done and wanting to curse because there's not more.
ReplyDeleteThough now I'm expecting Trixie to end up saving the day, despite her handicap.
[spoiler]
Also, I can't help but think that the fate of Twilight is connected to that fifth spell that her notes didn't know about. Maybe she figured it out enough to use last ditch to save herself. Who knows, maybe Twilight is Luna's mom due to time travel? :D
[/spoiler]
Was there a connection between Sweetie Bell and Silent Jade? Do they know each other or something? I didn't see anything in this chapter that suggested it. (at least by a small ctrl+F search)
ReplyDeleteTo me it feels like the characters are making less and less sense.
3/5 for vague/confusing character interactions.
@Skay I agree. The dialogue in chapter 10 could do with some reworking... But other than that amazing as always
ReplyDelete[WARNING MY REPLIES USUALLY CONTAIN SPOILERS!] (Gasp!)
ReplyDelete@Silent Solace Hm, I'll take another look at it, but the relationship between Sweetie Bell and Jade will remain intentionally vague until later... still, it might be worth revising.
@Skay ... As I said above, it was intentionally vague... you know, to create conflict between the CMC and intrigue the readers as to why it was written like that in the first place. Part of the deal here is to *not* know the intentions/thoughts behind *everypony*. Some characters are reacting, others are plotting, others are being turned against their will and others are acting behind the scenes. Part of what I am trying to do is also let the readers figure out some things on their own, but I am not showing all my cards. What kind of mystery would be there if everypony knew what was happening all the time?
@Phht Let me welcome you to the story then! I'm trying to keep the updates quick, so you might not have to wait too long for the next chapter. Trixie's role is very important in the story, so don't worry, she'll get her moment to shine.
@Anonymous Not really, although several elements are there that point towards one part of the mystery, it is by no means enough to really solve it. I am following more the Piramid technique: Author knows everything, followed in knowledge by villain(s), followed by detective/hero, and last the reader. Although, that being said, there is a lot of information out there in between my replies, the theories and the story!
@SomeGuy Well thanks for spending the time writing this comment! As I said earlier I'm not going to expand too much on Jade and Sweetie Bell right now, but you can bet the other two CMC will give her a hard time until she spills the beans. A couple of your other questions are directly referenced in Chapter 11, so there will be a bit more clear air there, however certain characters will have a more active part in the story, revealing a little bit more of their motivations! And lastly, I'm glad you like Big Mac and Trixie! That relationship is a bit tough to manage, since it is not a "let's glomp and nuzzle and kiss all the time" type of shipping. I like their interactions as slight flirting, blushing and caring as they are right now.
@Jessica Welcome to the Herd! (Fanfiction-wise, I guess) I'm happy my story has caught your attention! I've been checking out your page, it's pretty sweet!
@Hio590 Yes!! *cough* sorry, I had wondered if I hadn't written that intro to the scene convincingly. But worry not, Applejack has her trusty Mattress Fort to protect her from feisty unicorns.
@Anonymous Thank you! It's great to see so many readers that enjoy complicated plots!
@Not A Good Username 360 ^_^ the Element of Loyalty wasn't going to allow a medallion make her betray her friends now, was she?
@Anonymous Good question!
@PewnyPL Thanks! I promise I'll keep the story true to itself.
@Sebiale You are the first to ask the identity of the father! Yay! It's a secret. ... For now.
@Nova25 Well then you are good at gathering clues! :)
I need togo back and reread this from beginning to end. I'm starting to forget some of the littler details during the gaps between updates. Aw who am I kidding, my memory's so bad I've almost forgotten the "Celestia's Foal" part.
ReplyDeletePotential [SPOILERS] and oblique [SPECULATION]
ReplyDeleteThe jewel thief / assassin who goes by the name "Silent Jade" intrigues me. Given what we've heard about her history, how certain others react to her and what we've seen her do, I'd speculate that a unicorn with her particular combination of talents and disposition must be a rare individual indeed.
Sobbing Celestia, ponyfied Pratchett's Death, NMM cultists...
ReplyDeleteLooks like I have seen some similar stuff before. I mean, LOTS of a quite similar stuff.
Sorry author, I can't force myself to love this. Just to tolerate. Even though it is way better than most of MLP-fanfiction written.
This story is marvelous. Can't wait to read more, MORE!
ReplyDelete@Anonymous Well, thanks for trying it, I guess. I know it can't be everypony's cup of tea. Just for the record though, I borrowed Mort for the one appearance, I'm not claiming him as my own idea or anything.
ReplyDeleteLol, Twilight and Applejack.
ReplyDeletePart 10 :
ReplyDelete>While performing and Immelpony turn she recalled leaving with Twilight
-Immelpony what ? Is that an error or ?
>for a brief second her medallion floated up to her eyes. It was chipped on many places, the luster almost gone.
-I will... wait a bit...
>The medallion around her neck crumbled into pieces as if crushed by an unseen force.
-...good. A winning 'bet'... hopefully it's not a double-or-nothing trap...
>Sweetie Bell stood up shakily and shook the unicorn with her hoof. “Jade! Wake up! It's not funny!” she had tears in her eyes.
-I checked and double-check and... the assassin's name is never SAID verbally, while in ponyville, and yet Sweetie Belle says it 3 times and acts like she perfectly knows her...
What's up with that ? How can she know and be famillair with an *assassin* from Canterlot ?
(let me guess... family ? A disgraced sister or cousin ?)
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteAn Immelman is an aerial manuever that quickly turns a plane to reverse its direction.
I can only assume an Immelpony provides the same for pegasi.
I was hesitant to read this story at first but it has grown on me then kept me riveted to what may happen next. I have my suspicions on who or what is going on. I'll have to go back over all the chapters to give a more thorough critique. I do like Trixie's character development, Big Mac is his calm, awesome self. There were parts that had me crying man tears and coupled with the roller coaster suspense and revelation it's been a fun ride. The cliff hanger concerning Twilight's true fate has me guessing possibilities.
ReplyDelete@Idle Drifter Well, I am sure glad that you took the risk and that it was good enough to keep you interested! Feel free to comment on your theories and such, it is a popular subject here :) I hope you enjoy the following chapters too and to hear from you again!
ReplyDelete@Nova25 "-Immelpony what ? Is that an error or ?" What @Anonymous said. As for Sweetie Bell... Sore wa himitsu desu. =^-^=
@Anonymous *Narrows eyes* yes...
@Click Clack :) Well, get ready 'cause the Great and Powerful Sethisto has the next chapter already!
WANDERER! STOP UPDATING! I CAN'T READ THAT FAST!
ReplyDelete*cries*
-_-
Jade Mortal Kombat reference? THANK YOU SIR MAY I HAVE ANOTHER
ReplyDeleteWait, Midnight said he teleported away from the battle and died while doing so. However, the others saw a hooded figure quickly retreat from them after the battle.
ReplyDeleteThis leads me to believe that the hooded figure was Twilight, and that the Evil!Twilight is just a copy. Twilight would have likely ran away from them because she feared what her friends and mentor would think with the loss of her horn and magic.
Now for Wanderer D to somehow prove me wrong. If I'm right, then go me! :D
Don't listen to Crimson Valor! Keep updating! They'll eventually catch up.
ReplyDeleteWell, this chapter kinda kills my "Twilight is the time traveling parent of Celestia/Luna" theory, but that just means I still have my "Trixie is the reborn soul of Twilight that'll merge with Spark at an opportune moment to purify her back to Sparkle; possibly add wings, on the off chance that she's also miraculously Celestia's daughter" theory. :D
Spoiler/speculation tag time!!!
ReplyDeleteTwilight isn't dead, just corrupted by the council and/or the power of Flare.
Jade is Sweetie Bell looong lost relative/friend of the family/whatever...
Pinkie, Fluttershy and Rarity aren't on the moon... maybe elsewhere (Who said old castle?).
Celestia's daughter... never existed... was just a ruse to drive Celestia mad... That could explain why they don't remember her, nor sense her. The other strong magic is just to maintain the illusion of the room being old... when everything in there were just new, or that they used Twilight's old stuff to make it.
All of this is just a dream within a dream. D:
An I give this fict like 3 or 4 more chapters... maybe more, but it won't get more than 20. ._q No, I'm not saying it's bad, on the contrary, it's a very good fict, but the story is almost reaching its climax. I can feel it.
And by the way... *plays Inception ship-like sound*
Shoot... tags didn't display... sorry for that... >_<
ReplyDelete@Wanderer D
ReplyDeleteOn my theories, first I think you take almost too much enjoyment reading your readers' theories as they come up with new, even wild ideas of what just happened and the events to come. Not that's a bad thing as it does act as a gauge to your skills as a writer. You've taken criticism of your work quite well in your effort to create a better story.
Second, the resurrected Twilight Spark is a manifestation of Princesses Celestia's memories, the evil corruption and the imprint of Twilight's magic on the broken unicorn horn found at the scene of the explosion whom I believed to be her father's.
(Possible Spoilers)
Thanks to reading Ch.11 my theory is more refined as Midnight tried to teleport away only to be killed mid process. However, the Evil Spark's earlier interactions with Fluttershy and Apple Jack confirmed to me that Spark is missing some of Twilight's memories. Spark is all too quick to dismiss those missing memories outright as they were pointed out by Fluttershy and Apple Jack. Also her almost random behavior shows a lack of personal and emotional development. Almost childlike but with the terrible power of unearned knowledge and magical ability thanks to the release of the Nightmare. Adding the last chapter's explanation of the medallions being a creation of the Guardian it may explain Spark's physical change from Twilight's such as the blackened features and the fangs.
Last, Twilight's body was never found while Midnight's was mangled by the spell despite attempting to teleport both Twilight and himself away from danger to the same location. But this is a coin toss because I'm assuming the broken horn found, as stated earlier, belongs to Midnight. Going on the fact that Twilight was locked in mortal combat with Midnight at the time and her uncanny magical ability she may have tried to resist teleporting to an unknown area with her opponent. Though now I stand at the abyss of my own speculation not wanting to take a step further. As there are too many loose threads to my own analysis.
If I'm way off the mark, let's just say I'll be pleasantly surprised. Perhaps I thinking too deeply into a fan fic while kicking around ideas. Still it's fun to speculate.
This just keeps getting better and better. Keep up the fantastic work. I am really looking forward to the endgame.
ReplyDeleteEvery chapter it just gets better and better--predictions I've made to myself get shattered, expectations torn apart...
ReplyDeleteI honestly don't know what curve I'll get thrown next.
Keep 'em comin', and keep up the great work!
I've gotta say that this is an interesting story, even though it kinda made me mad. Can't wait for the next chapter!
ReplyDeleteSPOILERS for chapter 11 and some speculation
ReplyDeleteIt seems that my theory about the cult not being behind the capture of Celestia's filly was correct.
That leaves the question who ever did take her, did they do it to hurt Celestia or to protect the filly from the guardian and the cult. Seeing how the cult was not aware about the room or the filly I would have to say that the later one seems more likely at the moment.
Also while I still have some doubts about Nightmare Moon it seems that Luna has much more control over her than I originally predicted.
As for the light in the cave at the end of chapter 11 I'm going to throw this completely out of my hat and say that it's the Element of magic that Twilight's father somehow managed to teleport with him.
At first I thought this fic had a lot of out-of-character moments.. until later chapters when things got explained better. If you're just beginning to read this, give it time.
ReplyDeleteSecondly; I don't think Celestia's child ever existed. I think she had a miscarriage and cast the anti-memory/illusion spell HERSELF so that she wouldn't be tramautized by the event. That might not be the fate of her foal, but it's the first thing I thought of when I read the initial chapter..
(for comparison, there was an episode of Star Trek: TNG where this same situation arose; Deanna Troi's mother had another child besides the Counselor, who died in an accident, and she surpressed the memories with her telepathy and psychic abilities, only for them to resurface and haunt her years later)
(WARNING: CONTAINs SPOILERS UP TO CHAPTER 11)
ReplyDelete@aramaru Thank you! I wish I could put that up in the description but... let's face it, the author adding something alongthe lines of: "Plz read! If OOC you just have to read more and find out why!" would have been more than a bit whiny on my part! :D But thanks for weathering it to where it made more sense! You know, I had forgotten about that Star Trek episode!
@Anonymous Indeed, the Council did not know about the room, and that lack of information is what caused the fight between father and daughter :P Does Luna really control Nightmare Moon? Or is the Mare in the Moon just more careful this time? ^_~
@Ace12541 Made you mad?! Mad you say?! Are we talking angry mad or "I feel like wearing only a swimsuit and eating icecream in the North Pole" Mad?
@Drakengarde Thank you! I have plenty of twists and developing plots going on, worry not.
@Anonymous Thanks! We'll get there... eventually!
@Idle Drifter Your first theory is correct! I do enjoy reading the theories and comments :) It's particularly interesting because, if a reder gets very close to the truth, it means I am doing my job as a writer to allow for the reader to make educated guesses and anticipate events, but at the same time, when they're completely off the mark, it also means I am doing my job by keeping the story interesting but not entirely predictable.
I'll be honest, sometimes I've cringed at just how close readers have gotten to the reveals, but I've stayed true to the story and not changed anything... after all, somepony out there will have theorized the truth at some point or another... or maybe they already have. The rest I cannot either confirm nor deny, since it would be telling, but let it suffice to say that you've caught several important aspects of Twilight Spark's personality here.
@Agave Azul Nice nickname. Do you have a favorite brand of tequila? Anyway, I can honestly say that this is *not* all a dream. And would Nightmare Moon really lie about sending someone to the moon? ^_^ But don't worry, we'll find out what happened to them soon.
@Phht It was an interesting concept, to be sure. Has that ever happened? In another fic, I mean?
@EonMaster Or maybe Midnight lied?
@Gypsy The funny thing about that reference is that I wrote it down and didn't realize I had referenced the MK character until editing the chapter. ^_^ I guess my subconscious knows my games better.
@Crimson Valor But... I like writing and updating!
@aramaru I too had some doubts about existence of Celestia's filly. But there are few things about that theory that doesn't fit.
ReplyDeleteFirst is the fifth spell that was cast in the room.
Secondly it was quite clear that room was used at some point, so miscarriage is unlikely.
My original theory was that there never was any filly and that the cult created the room and spells to fool Celestia thinking that she had filly and to drive her crazy. This theory was destroyed thou when it became clear that the cult didn't know about the room.
I have to say that I do enjoy reading stuff like this and speculating about the plot way too much.
ReplyDeleteI have to read the story from the start again to pick up the smaller clues that I might have missed the first time around now that we know bit more about what is happening.
Still reading through these, but quick point - this needs a Shipping tag like whoa.
ReplyDelete@Wanderer D
ReplyDeleteMad as in I didn't want that to happen type made, but that just added to the effect of the story and like I said, can't wait for the next chapter, I bet its gonna be good ^-^
@Wanderer D Also, that description of the crazy type of mad made me laugh
ReplyDelete@Wanderer D
ReplyDeleteI got no favorite brand, I don't drink it so often (Only on special occasions), because... damn... that think can kill you if you don't respect it. ._q My nick is more from where I'm, than I like to drink it's distillate... but now that I think of it... XD
And of course, it rhymes. =P
Hmmm... so, it's not a dream within a dream, huh? *plays inception sound*
Let's keep the reading to know more.
@Wanderer D
ReplyDeleteOh, ant thanks... n_n I forgot things... ;-;
I'm completely hooked on this now. The first few chapters had some plot holes and seemed too "busy". (Too much going on at once, making it very hard to follow.) Many of those problems seem to be cleared up without dumbing down the story.
ReplyDeleteI'm really looking forward to the next chapter.
>Sore wa himitsu desu
ReplyDelete-Huh, what ? Kumquat ?
-----
>“What? You don't know?” Spike spoke up before Midnight could say anything. “Midnight is Twilight Sparkle's dad!”
-...hum, wait ? Just realised something...
Is he the same unicorn (father, it seems) as the one that killed(kinda caused it) Twilight, back in ''the room'' ? ...and now he's helping ?
Huh, point a finger at the amulet I suppose ? (he had one, right ?)
>Did you defeat her in mortal combat for the fate of Equestria in a secret location?
-Jade is from Mortal Kombat ? Someone mentioned it above... I don't remember much about the ''Mortal'' games. (except maybe a few characters, like Sub-Zero...)
>“Did you feel her in Ponyville?”
-So... Flare is looking for her daughter, and Moon is apparently helping, hmm ...? Yet, the Eclipse doesn't make Moon happy, and the amulets neither... hmm,indeed.
... maybe it's because of the last movie of Harry Potter that I just saw, like 30min ago, but... I somehow have a feeling of 'that' with the last-second teleportation thing, for some strange reasons ? ...
Twilight, you probably shouldn't do that to applejack, she doesn't like it.
ReplyDeletePlease, sir. May I have some more?
ReplyDelete@Anonymous Yes. Check back later tonight.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous Or does she? ^_~ ... okay, she doesn't.
@Nova25
>Sore wa himitsu desu
-Huh, what ? Kumquat ?
It's a secret.
Yes, he had an amulet, but let me give you a hint: I have already told the readers what to expect in this story.
Silent Jade is NOT a ponyfication of Jade from MK, however when writing the story I made some 4th-Wall references and without realizing it I wrote down the Mortal Kombat reference. It wasn't until @Gypsy pointed it out that I realized what I had done :)
What do you mean by 'that'? O_o
@Agave Azul Florida then? I think there's an Agave Azul there :P And yes Tequila is a killer, remind me to tell you one day how I became allergic to cheap tequila. It's amusing.
@Ace12541 Heh, well, I hope you keep enjoying the story even if it drives you mad. Mad I say!
@MiloSaysRelax I've asked Seth to put it up, but with his busy schedule it's probably hard to put too much attention to a fic that's updating constantly :D
@Damazania I encourage speculation! It has shown me that the average reader here at EqD has brains! So, don't be afraid to throw your theories! You might get it right!
@Anonymous Very good points! When the nature of the fifth spell is revealed it will clear up a lot of things.
@Wanderer D
ReplyDeleteI'm from Mexico... :D Aaaand shame on you about drinking cheap "Mezcal". XD That think is like playing Russian roulette... if you don't end up blind, something more can happen. ._q It'll be interesting reading your story.
“Well, whatever you had in mind, young dragon... is probably going to happen. And more.”
ReplyDeleteOK, now I'm convinced: Twilight Spark is DEFINITELY Juri from Street Fighter.
"Feels good, huh?"
This is becoming quite a lot to follow. Lyra and Bon-Bon, Trixie and her family, Bigmac's just chilling, Twilight and AJ, NMM+RD+the 3 left of the mane cast. And no offense but this chapter seemed a little rushed. Like you introduced Trixie's family but it already seems wrapped up. And have the ponies cussed in previous chapters? I mean Lyra just straight up let's one fly. The macks on Mac. What are the chances Bon-Bon would be right there? And...well it's just a lot to have going on.
ReplyDeleteTL:DR-- you're story is all over the place
The ending made me D'awwwwww. Well on you.
ReplyDeleteAlso, something I only just noticed for some reason: Trixie originally appeared in an episode named after Ghostbusters. Trixie is now a ghost.
I see what you did there...
Wow. Chapter 12 was amazing. I mean, the rest of the story has been too, but that one really stood out to me. I'm really looking forward to all thats coming next.
ReplyDelete@ToonNinja
ReplyDeleteclearly the evil ones remembered their lead sheet
@Hio590 I have to disagree with this just a little bit. Every story needs to deviate from the main plot every once in a while, it keeps things interesting. In that respect, I don't believe that the recent events with Trixie are the focus of the story, but rather just a small deviation and anymore exploration would be unnecessary and just "dragging it out". It's enough to let the reader become emotionally involved, but not enough that it's a major distraction.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, it's entirely possible that the parts with Trixie could have a lot more significance than I allow them, but if that's the truth than Wanderer D is doing a very good job at keeping me guessing.
I do, however, agree that the part with Bon-Bon was unnecessary. It seems like a random cliche making me roll my eyes a little bit.
I have only one complaint... WHY MUST YOU LEAVE ME IN SUSPENSE!!!
ReplyDeleteHeh... Just kidding. Kind of.
Seriously: This. Is. Good. If you're reading the comments trying to figure out if you should read it (and haven't decided by comment #293) then stop and go read it.
Wanderer D: All I can say is keep on writing. And Wow. I think we'll go with wow, yeah.
Something tells me Bon Bon is a cultist. Doesn't really feel like that scene would serve any purpose unless that was true. Or maybe it's just to recruit her into the 'rebel alliance'. Seems unlikely though. It did feel a little weird, why would Lyra be so worried about guards being around. It's not like the entire city was evacuated, Big Mac and Lyra should have been able to just blend into the crowd like all the other members of the alliance (and cultists) presumably will.
ReplyDeleteSpike wandering into Twilight's room seems a little weird too. After everything he heard from Midnight, it seems like the last place he'd want to be would be near Twilight or Nightmare Flare/Moon.
Even if the scenes with Trixie's family don't lead into anything more significant, it seems perfectly reasonable to me to try and explore the backstory of a character who is probably going to be important in the story.
I hope you're able to keep up with these updates every two days. It's nice to know when you can expect the next chapter, especially when the story is designed to keep you wondering what's going to happen :x.
@Wanderer D
ReplyDeleteYou bet your flank i'll keep enjoying this story, and you keep up your good work ^-^
I'm only on part 5 and I think i'm about to cry..this is one of the best fanfictions that I have ever read...but I don't know if I can continue...please don't tell me that Twi is actualy dead...all I can say right now is I agree with Dawnsinger...I think im about to cry..
ReplyDeleteA bit slower chapter telling some back story is fine after last two that has major plot development and reveals.
ReplyDeleteNot much to speculate about in this chapter, Nightmare Moon seems act bit oddly but that's about it.
Only thing that could be major plot point is the off mention about how Nightmare moon build the castle while being exalted. If she could do that she would probably be able to do other things too.
As for Bon Bon being cultist, while that would fit the story I doubt it. So far in the that plot is used already few times so it would be kinda boring to see it happen again.
I think that there are some bigger evil behind all this pulling the strings (capture of the filly, distributing the medallions to cultists, etc) that we haven't been introduced yet.
Damn, that 12th chapter... I nearly cried at that scene in Trixie's room...
ReplyDeleteAnyway, why do You update it at such a "late" hour >_> I mean seriously, chapters 11 and 12 were updated at ~4AM in my timezone and I have to "wait" (as in sleep) a few hours so I can read them ;P
That out of the way, good work, as always :D
Well here I was thinking Trixie was just the comic (but strangely compelling) relief. Ow.
ReplyDeleteWow! This makes it 300 comments! Thank you everypony! You are all awesome and I am unworthy of such attetion! But keep it comming. Helps me write! :)
ReplyDelete(SPOILERS UP TO CHAPTER 13!)
@Bronode She'll return to her shenanigans, but I had been building up to this for a while now, and I couldn't let it slip after all the introspection. I mean, she MUST have some regrets right? Besides, more will come out of this, and Trixie needs to be stronger than she was before. This might help.
@PewnyPL Glad you liked the Trixie scene :) As for the updates, well I tend to send the story late at night to Seth, so he probably has quite the queue by then!
@Damat Well, NMM had a thousand years by herself up there... she needed a hobby :)
@Anonymous Glad you're liking it, and welcome to the fic :) Don't hesitate to let me know you opinion on things!
@Ace12541 ^_^ good to hear that! And I'm working on chapter 13 already.
@Mekran Bon-Bon... I shouldn't say. Anyway, Spike, Lyra and BM are working with Midnight and trying to gather info for some strange reason... and Spike, being who he is would probably go straight to where he thought the source would be. He doesn't think things through does he? Next update might be a bit later due to a completely useless dentist appointment that only achieved in wasting several hours of my time.
@Dawnsinger :) Because. Thank you for recommending the story, btw! And yes, I won't stop until this is finished. Then I will commision some artwork from Crimson Valor and other artists to include in the story as I go back and polish the whole thing.
@theamberfox Indeed. I felt that the whole encounter with her family should *only* take one chapter. Not because Trixie doesn't deserve the attention, but it is a deviation from the story in a sense, even if it will come back later in a couple of important ways. Bon-Bon... yes... Bon-Bon. Did you ever watch that episode where there's two of her in one scene?
@stitch They did?
@qaxis Thank you! It wasn't too sad, was it?
@NotAGoodUsername360 Eliciting reactions is always a good thing to achieve. :) So, this Juri from Street Fighter... which version of the game did she come out it?
@Hio590 A chart with plot threads & theories might pop out soon. I do have a lot of characters running around and doing different things... I'll take a hard look at the writing and see if I can adapt my style to make it a bit more clear.
@Agave Azul So... Jalisco then? It wasn't Mezcal... but it wasn't good stuff either :p I might organize a Brony Meet in Mexico City next month if you're around, although it might be out of the way for you.
@WandererD Super Street Fighter IV.
ReplyDeleteSee http://streetfighter.wikia.com/wiki/Juri
I'm pretty sure there are some YouTubes of her dialog while fighting... and I DARE you to tell me that there is no resemblance between her and Twilight Spark!
Seriously, I have no idea how you managed to do it without meaning to, but in everything she does Twilight Spark is pretty much what Juri would act like if she were possessing Twilight...
@Wanderer D
ReplyDeleteGaaaaaaah! Chapter 13, I need too get like a text alert for this, ITS GOING TO BE AMAZING!!!
I'm on the fence about Bon Bon being a cultist. Anyone pony could be a cultist but at the same time other ponies may turn against one another out of fear for their lives from Nightmare Flare's wrath. Bon Bon showing up at a public venue in broad daylight to find her friend is not out of place. Lyra's over reaction to everything is what's going to get a lot of good ponies killed by drawing too much attention. I have a feeling Big Macintosh is going to have his work cut out for him handling these two though they seem better at handling each other than becoming part of a resistance.
ReplyDeleteSpike has me worried. He suffered a great loss and witnessed a terrible death of two pegasi at the hooves of his best friend. He's in conflict with his sense of justice and loss. It will be painful for him to choose to keep the good memory of Twilight Sparkle alive or the evil form of Twilight Spark.
Trixie has grown on me and I have to stop reading this story in the employee lounge as it teared me up. Makes me wish she has the same character arc in season two of MLP: FiM! Many see this encounter with her family as rushed but Trixie needs something to drive her current course of action. The threat to her family by an ancient, tyrannical monster would have someone setting their priorities in quick order.
Big Macintosh looks like the hero of the day in the making. Can't wait to see him in action.
Poor Trixie... I don't know what your plans are for her, but...
ReplyDeleteI wonder though, he has been able to communicate with living ponies without a problem so far. Maybe I missed something, but I'm missing why she suddenly needed the glitter.
When did the others see a Shadowbolt uniform before?
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeletePilot Part 2/2 Bridge scene
I didn't think they had seen the uniforms either, but I went and double checked that episode and turns out they did get a short glimpse at the Shadowbolt uniforms.
ReplyDelete@Mekran
ReplyDeleteHey, thanks.
I have to admit, when you killed off Trixie in chapter 1, It really rubbed me the wrong way. I knew there had to be a reason, but I was skeptical it would justify killing my favorite character in such an inglorious way.
ReplyDeleteAfter 12 chapters, especially that last one, I feel I need to apologize for doubting you. I can't wait for chapter 13!
@Wanderer D I wouldn't be much of a brony if I hadn't watched all the episodes at least once by now, would I?
ReplyDeleteI think I know what you're hinting at though. By now, I fully expect you to do some kind of spectacular lead off from the Bon-Bon encounter. I just wish it didn't start with such a boring cliche as: "Oh, no! My lover is engaging in promiscuous activities in plain sight!" (And it all turns out to be a misunderstanding...)
All that aside, you're doing an amazing job with this.
Perhaps the twist is that there isn't a twist
ReplyDelete._.
@Wanderer D I'm from Chihuahua, but I got the name more from the country... by the way, Where are you from? Are you from Distrito Federal? o_o
ReplyDelete@Agave Azul I'm a citizen of the world! I lived Mexico, London, the USA and other countries. In Mexico it was indeed the D.F. that I lived in, so I am visiting next week. I'm dragging the voice actresses for their version of MLP to a Brony Meet, so that's why I thought you might be interested ^_^... it's kind of far for you though.
ReplyDelete@Mekran Indeed they do get to see them, if only briefly, to be fair they don't necessarily find out what they were called on screen, but I figured that Rainbow Dash would have told them at some point. And maybe the twist is that I want you to think there is no twist but there is a twist... maybe.
@theamberfox I hope I don't disappoint! I can say that Lyra and Bon-Bon will have their moment to shine... or not. I'll delve into their motives a bit, but yeah, it will impact the story. As for the cliche... well, yes.
@Anonymous No need to apologize, I'm glad you stayed and are still interested in the story!
@Baree Well, Trixie can be seen and heard when she is in the chamber with Midnight, but the effect doesn't carry on outside, so she used the same trick she did while on the road with Big Macintosh.
I just realized that my post somehow shaved off some replies I had put up.
ReplyDeleteSo, sorry for the double post everypony :) Although I might rant a bit after the replies are done ~_~
@Idle Drifter You raise a good point. Lyra is hardly subtle, and information gathering usually requires a more steady hoof. I wonder what she will say or do next?
Spike has a lot to deal with. He's still a child, after all, and like you pointed out, he's going to have conflicting feelings about the situation. On a logical level, he knows that Twilight is not the same as she was before, and that she has done some very nasty things since she came bakc from the dead, but on the emotional level, his best friend/sister is back and after the shock of her loss it will be hard for him to separate the two, regardless of attitude.
It's good to read that the Trixie scene affected you, it means I did a decent job of writing it! :) Trixie needed to face what she had been running away from.
@Ace12541 Wow... I hope I don't dissapoint!
@Not A Good Username 360 *Looks at a picture of Juri* Huh. Her hair's funny. I admit Twilight Spark is a bit sadistic at times, and her dialogue does seem pretty similar. ^_^'
(MINI RANT WARNING)
So, I was reading another fic here in EqD when I find somepony who decided to post on that story (but declared his intentions to not even read said story) describing my story as "mediocre but interesting." followed by a personal opinion on how many stars its worth. ~_~ *twitch* Anyway. I never claimed that the story would be loved by everypony (nor it should be) but I have taken criticism both in comments and on the chat. It has been hard, direct and, most important, constructive. I've worked hard on this story, so I did get slightly offended by that remark.
Anyway. Sorry about that. Not the place to whine, I know. At least I did get something out of it, and I have corrected Sweetie Belle's name in all chapters.
(MINI RANT OVER)
Chapter 13 is on the works and I hope to send it to Seth soon. Thankfully I didn't mess up the sharing options on it this time, so some edits can be done in time :)
@Wanderer D Oh, her hair is NOTHING compared to her EYE... *shudder*
ReplyDeleteAnd it's not just the dialog that's eerily similar. Have you seen a gameplay video of her? I mean, FOR GOD'S SAKE, HER KI IS PURPLE AND LOOKS JUST LIKE TWILIGHT'S MAGIC! And her voice... damn, I just can't read Twilight Spark's voice in anything but Juri's voice... Plus, SHE EVEN HAS FANGS.
I swear, you've created a ponyfied Juri and not even noticed it! O_O
Anyways, I know what it feels like to have your work slammed. I've had horrible feedback before- that's still sore, and I'd rather not talk about, but let's just say it was strong enough to make me never want to write anything again. However, one good thing DID come out of it: I learned that you can't let criticism get to you, because art depends on emotions, and if your feelings towards a piece of work change, it too will change, and usually for the worse. Above all else, never let anyone try to change your main story and story elements, and never make significant changed based solely on a single comment or critic, because everybody has different tastes.
CONFOUND THESE PONIES; THEY MAKE ME LEARN LIFE LESSONS!
More Theories and Spoilers (based on re-reads and reading other comments)
ReplyDeleteI believe that Celestia's Daughter never existed and it was just a part of the memory manipulation spell, to give her the feeling that one did exist when the room was inevitably found.
The fifth spell was a second interactive illusion triggered when Celestia was alone in the room in the depths of despair. It would trick her into unleashing her dark alter ego.
This is why I believe that there is yet another party that has not yet been formally introduced who set up the room and the spells surrounding it.
When he thought he had beaten Twilight, Midnight had paced his Council Medallion next to her body. He also said that he died teleporting away during Twilight's last attack. So who was the clocked figure everypony in the aftermath, that teleported when Rainbow struck? I think that that was the real Twilight. She had been possessed by the Nightmare medallion. She left a cloned duplicate of her horn for Celestia to find knowing that the thought of her pupil's death would be what would push her over the edge and allow the fifth spell to do its work. Remember all we know was that Twilight's magic alone was within the horn, not that it was her real horn.
This also explains Spark. She's not Twilight just a magic clone of the real Twilight, created by N-Flare from the fake horn. The real Twilight is relaxing back at the Council hideout.
The reason that Twilight hasn't broken free of the medallion's control like Rainbow Dash is because she no longer possesses the Element of Magic. It was Teleported away out of her body by Midnight when he tried to teleport them both away. That is the "thing" that the group was looking at in the cave, that gave Midnight hope.
I have no theories as to what the cave and the runes inside are. At first I thought it was the Council headquarters, but if that was the case it would not be the best place for a anti-Nightmare resistance to base its operations.
I am thinking now that the new N-Moon is more a blending of Luna and the old N-Moon then one controlling the other.
Finaly I doubt that Bon-Bon is a cultist. First that sort of reveal has been done twice now, and it would be lazy to do it a third time. Secondly Lyra and Bon-Bon are a package set, you can't have one without the other.
I have some further theories but they are purely speculation so I wont voice them just yet.
On the latest chapter. I loved the side arc with Trixie and her family. Very sad and heart warming. Trixie must feel very bad that it took her death to realize how much she has to make up for. I guess all these life (so to speak) changes will influence her actions in the future. Perhaps into doing a selfless and heroic deed her old self would not have done?
ReplyDeleteI am glad that you brought in Bon-Bon. As I said above I feel they are a package deal. The way you did it was a cliche but a classic cliche that I like and shows that you have not completely abandoned the comedy elements from the earlier chapters that I have missed recently.
Speeking of, Lyra feaking out over being caught by gaurds who would not know that they should be looking for them and would probably join them had they known was funny and kind of natural. And the whole "kissing couple" ploy happens in a lot of spy stories doesn't it?
I worry about Spike. Going to Spark is a good way to gather information from the inside, and possibly be able to find away to free AJ, but I hope that he will not allow his emotions for who Twilight was cloud his judgement.
Keep up the good work. One final question, How do you keep all the various plot threads organized in your head?
CH.12 :
ReplyDelete>“And we have eternity to go through them.” the mare said venomously. “
-I agree with her... and with 'how' she said it...
>“I'm sorry I ran away! I'm sorry I was such a... such a brat all these years! I'm sorry I never gave you the chance you wanted!”
-A chance... ; mystical cave, ancient runes, possible forgotten ritual... Resurrection Altar, it could be...?
It has -a chance- to be, riiiiight ?
>I... we need their help, I have specific missions for them
-Up to this point, I theorized a couple of things on that...
One of them is that Nightmare Moon doesn't want to rule ''in second place'', through/below the Guardian... so she wants to eliminate ''The Council'' and The Guardian.
... Surely, ''something'' at some point, somehow, will happen and bring Trixie back, in a way or another...
Considering the end of this chapter, it would be somewhat cruel to have it otherwise...
Also, to keep in mind, Resurrection doesn't always bring back 'beings' at their original form/age... sometimes they may come back as a baby (by form and/or age)... It's a second chance, a second start, a new opportunity.
Just keep that in mind ...
Some theories bite the dust... and others will rise.
Surely that isn't a reference to another good story that recently was uploaded.
ReplyDeleteAs much as I enjoyed that story too, I highly doubt events like that are going to overlap at all.
@Wanderer DYou're work is insightful, passionate, and emotionally engaging. To consider something that can do all of that "mediocre" vastly understates its potential and influence.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't let one person's opinion of your work bother you. Every man, women and child can be a critic, but it takes a special kind of person to create a work of art that entertains and inspires people all over the world. That is a dream that most people never even come close to.
@Wanderer D
ReplyDeleteYup... Mexico City is pretty far away... and expensive to reach. :(
When are you planning to do the Brony Meet?
@Wanderer D
ReplyDeleteI don't think you have to worry about that, this story is excellently written and overall I don't have any complaints ^-^
Thank you for your kind words and support, everypony! I can take criticism and haters just fine, I think (ok, for the most part) when they post the comment over here, at least. I mean, telling me that they don't like my story in a comment in this thread is fine, I get to thank them for trying it and for their honest opinion, but I guess what really got me from the other one is that it was done in such an off-hoofed way in *another* story's comment section. Never mind that the comment itself was rather rude to the author of the story, but the fact that this pony couldn't just say it 'to my face' so to speak made it worse for me.
ReplyDelete@Ace12541 Thank you! May those feelings never change!
@Agave Azul Too bad! I'm thinking mid August, we just need to confirm a date and attendance by actors/possible hasbro employees and I'll send the details to Seth over here.
The way I'm planning/envisioning it is a panel to talk about the series with the actors and hasbro people, watch some favorite episodes/moments/PMVs, lunch/dinner depending on time and availability, and possibly RPGing some pony adventures depending on attendance.
@theamberfox Thanks, you are very kind to say that about my story. And it is true what you say, one bad apple shouldn't spoil the whole crop, so to speak.
@900d25a8-b4d0-11e0-9166-000bcdcb471e Wow. What a name. I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you mean by referencing another story, unless you mean 'Mort Takes a Holiday' which I referenced in chapter 2? If that's the case that was a one-time guest appearance by our favorite anthropomorphic death-pony.
@Nova25 Sound theory. :) but I can't confirm nor deny. Are you going to place a ‘bet’ on it?
@SomeGuy Okay, first on your longer post: I can confirm that you are correct in 2 instances there. I won't say which. One you will find out next chapter. I just hope you don't hate me for it!
You are right on the money on Trixie regretting the fact that it took her death to appreciate her family and what she had lost/left behind.
It's not that she was weak; it takes a LOT to make it out there on your own regardless of where you come from, but she certainly gave up more than she should have and now she's faced with it. Whether she becomes stronger for it or not is up to her.
Yeah, the 'kissing couple' thing is a cliché of spy stories, hay, it's even referenced in "Inception". I felt it would work for a slightly humorous scene/misunderstanding a-la-Saotome.
As for the plot threads... well, I'll be honest I think the story is pretty good at keeping track of those by itself since I try not to force it to move in a certain way all the time. Also, the format (which someponies out there hate) helps me, since I return to different groups of characters and have to re-examine their recent actions. Does that answer your question?
@Not A Good Username 360 I... can absolutely totally imagine her talking like that. Wow. You have corrupted my imagination.
Thank you too for your encouragement, I'll let the whole thing go from this post forward and take the bits of wisdom you all have shared with me. I apologize again for ranting about it, I needed to vent and I found ponies here willing to listen and help, and that is something I am really grateful for.
Thank you all again!
900d25a8-b4d0-11e0-9166-000bcdcb471e was me by the way, attempting to post through my AIM account instead of a simple name, though it seems apparent that something went wrong.
ReplyDeleteThe story I believed Nova25 was referring to was Past Sins, where a dead character is reborn into a child's body. It happened to be updated a little bit before his post.
Actually, I just realized that you might not have known I was revering to his post and not the story. My apologies if it wasn't clear.
Since you didn't mention anything about an update tonight, does that mean it's safe to go to sleep ._.
i want this story to end good.
ReplyDelete@Mekran
ReplyDeleteIn fact, I was refering to various instances in games or stories, not just MLP:FiM, where a bad (or not ''so'' bad after all) or good guy who died was offered (willingly or not) to be resurrected.
The ''deity'' behind to processus would thus bring the ''person'' back, in the form of a baby or young child... all mistakes of the past cleared, a blank slate... a new clean begining for the ''person'' to forge his/her new life...
...I did read 'Past Sins' story, so maybe it is what triggered that specific thought ? Who knows...
Anyway, resurrection isn't as limited as some people may think it is ;)
When well played... it leaves several interesting doors, possibilities...
So far, the best MLP story i read.
ReplyDeleteThe last scene of chapter 12... well... nope, I've just got something in my eye.
@Wanderer D
ReplyDeleteWhoever decided clip you in another story comment section shows a complete lack of class on their part. Keep up the good work as you can't please everyone all time. Have fun in Mexico City.
Part 13 link broke
ReplyDeletechapter 13 is a broken link... D:
ReplyDelete@Anonymous, Pheonid
ReplyDeleteJust use the All Links one.
But yes, the link to Chapter 13 here is broken.
Oh Lyra, you smartass :D I'm glad Lyra's going out like that... Assuming they ever get around to actually executing her.
ReplyDeleteIn chapter 13 is says Granny Smith is still alive while it says she died in an earlier chapter
ReplyDeleteBon-Bon you fucktard. Where was the logic in your thought process?
ReplyDelete"but Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom didn't know where their family was"
ReplyDeleteshould be
"but Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom didn't know where their families were"
The way it is written Sweetie Bell and Apple Bloom would be sisters.
Why the hell isn't this not at least 5 full star average yet?
ReplyDeleteI DEMAND SATISFACTION.
*glove slaps everyone not 5-starring*
-_-
They could get the names of all resistance members within five minutes. All they need to do is giving Lyra one of the brainwashing medallions. Let's just hope that nopony is smart enough to figure this out.
ReplyDeletei would gladly give 5 star. Buts i wont, because of Jade.
ReplyDeleteIm sorry, but for me she's pointless oc that brings nothing to the story. Beautiful and mysterious assasin/master thief? long lost friend of cannon character? Sved AJs life long time ago?
By celestia, its like having a cockroach sitting on the delicious cake.
Nice one, Lyra.
ReplyDeleteAgain chapter without much development to main plot, hopefully we get bit more in next one.
ReplyDeleteI have to say that whole Lyra and Bon Bon thing while bit predictable was very well done. Especially Nightmare Flare telling Bon Bon that she was been listening just rumors and basically crushing her spirit.
@Wanderer D I corrupted YOUR imagination?!?! I thought it was the other way around!!!
ReplyDeleteCorrupted thoughts corrupting corrupted characters.
Disk could not be read because the files are corrupt.
We must go deeper.
*head asplodes*
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteApparently, you don't think into the future, maybe Jade is there for a reason but the reason isn't revealed just yet. I'm sure WandererD wouldn't put a useless character in there, you should at least wait until the story ends to point that stuff out because its not done yet and plenty could still happen.
@Anonymous Don't bother, Anon. It's already been established that the author hasn't played Ace Attorney...
ReplyDeleteAlso, it's good to see that even Nightmare Flare still has her Trollestia side.
[CHAPTER 13 SPOILERS]
"LOL, no, Bon Bon, we don't kill or imprison friends and family of traitors. Thanks for betraying your lover and putting her on death row, though!"
Oh, Trollestia, you so silly.
I was bashing chapter 12, but 13 more than makes up for it
ReplyDeleteThat wasn’t the smartest idea from Nightmare Flare. She basically told everypony in the room: "Just go ahead and join the resistance. I'm not going to harm your families and friends."
ReplyDeleteEven Bon-Bon said that the only reason for her betrayal was the fear for her loved ones. Without that fear she’s going to join the resistance and/or try to free Lyra out of guilty. Great job screwing up yourself NF.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@Wanderer D I am not mad about what happened to Lyra and Bon-Bon, if that is what you were referring to. Neither pony are real spies and have been caught up in something beyond their experiences. Bon-Bon panicked and made a very very foolish mistake.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that Trixie is weak, just that, based on recent events, she can only get stronger.
I guess I will modify my theory about N-Moon to include that her motivations are to unravel the conspiracy surrounding the events that unleashed her and N-Flare, But being a Nightmare she "will go to any lengths to achieve her goal."
@ Wanderer D I will admit I did not see Bon Bon's betrayal coming so quickly though my rage is boiling at Glitter Horn. She has ecplypsed Prince Blueblood as the most hated pony in all of Equestria. Apparently, the filly never heard of the consept of rumor control in light of all the terrible shit hitting the fan.
ReplyDeleteLyra has showed some real courage to not only stand up to Nightmare Flare but to expose the council to all the witnesses. I do feel pity for Bon Bon, the poor filly was so overwhelmed in a short period of time that it broke her.
Silent Jade is an interesting original character. While some may not like the idea of OCs in a story I like that they expand the Equestria Universe. It also gives some promissing Authors a chance to test their abilities in creating characters. However, I would like to know how Apple Jack knows Hoof Language.
Poor Dash she is stuck in the proverbial rock and a hard place. She can't tip her hand about Nightmare Moon and she is desperately trying to save her friends while working as an agent for the council.
I saw it coming >.>
ReplyDeleteI guess technically she wasn't a cultist, but whatever. Lyra was pretty heroic though. I also still think that Nightmare Moon is 100% good, just can't reveal to everyone what she's doing. I also think she may try to save Lyra, but I have no idea how. Teleporting her to the prison on the moon would be too suspicious. I actually hope she lives, just to see what would happen to her and Bon Bon.
It does kinda feel like the story is moving along a little slow right now, but whatever. Not every chapter has to have huge plot twists and drama.
Bon Bon, that bastard.
ReplyDeleteOkay, time to do some crazy late night speculation about the end game. If you don't like it just shut up and don't read this post :).
ReplyDeleteI think the Celestia's filly was captured by Jade by order of Nightmare moon. It makes sense when you think about it. Jade is unicorn so she would have ability to create those spell used in the room and it has been shown that she was able to get inside the castle unnoticed. Also it has been shown that she was at least some what able to communicate with Nightmare moon while she was banished.
From this we can kinda start to figure out rest of the plot. Basically Nightmare moon planned the whole thing as backup plan during her banishment and is currently acting like Luna has some control over her and trying to get Elements of Harmony to aid her against Nightmare flare.
She's probably waiting them to "purify" Celestia and then tries to attack them while they are weak from exhaustion. After all Nightmare moon wanted for eternal night so this solace business is not likely to be enough for her.
This leaves the question why the remains of the elements in Luna asked for her to stand down when Nightmare moon attacked her mind. Well they probably figured out what Nightmare moon was trying and hoped that Luna would be able to interfere when she eventually tries to attack Celestia and others.
Interesting theory, however, due to Sweetie Belle's silence about Jade, it suggests to me Jade is a good character (and by extension, Nightmare Moon), since why would she be silent about her unless she knew more about what was going on.
ReplyDelete@Mekran
ReplyDeleteYeah I have to admit that Sweetie Belle's reaction towards Jade is a small flaw in my theory but there are a couple possible reasons for why she would not want to talk about her that still fit to my theory.
For one she may be afraid of her, maybe she saw her and she told her to keep quiet about it.
Much more likely theory how ever is she saw her to do something nice or good (saving Applejack comes to mind), and then when she saw Jade with Nightmare moon in Ponyville she was not sure what to think and doesn't want to talk about it because she thinks others would not believe her.
We have to remember that Jade is after all an assassin and she did pray Nightmare moon for help numerous times, so it's not too hard to see her doing evil stuff.
Lastly the capture of the filly took place quite a long time ago so it entirely possible that Jade has changed quite a lot since then.
This fict is getting better and better... =D Aaaand I can't stop thinking... D: What will happen next? Poor Dashie, being scolded by AJ. I can imagine a Equestrian Navy "Hippocampus" and his team chasing and eliminating the order bases all over the world, trying to prevent this, using firearms, explosives and many weapons as possible, in some sort of Battlefield-esque scenario, and too strong magic to prevent magic users to damage them... Mmmm... now that I think of it... to Google Docs... to write the fict. D:<
ReplyDelete(CHAPTER 13 REPLIES/POSSIBLE SPOILERS WARNING!)
ReplyDelete@Agave Azul O_o'
@Damat Interesting theories, but, if that's true, what about Jade's conversation with Nightmare Moon when she was first introduced? I'm not saying you're wrong, but I'm interested to see how you figure that into your hypothesis.
@Mekran Another good point.
@Idle Drifter It's great to see readers hate Glitter Horn :) That means I'm writing her right. She is pompous, self-centered and completely insensitive to the feelings of others. It's good that it comes through in my writing.
If they ever get a chance it will be a long way for both Lyra and Bon-Bon to forget what happened that day. Part of the credit for the success of that scene goes to Stephen Cawking who told me how to completely improve it. Wouldn't have worked half as well without his input.
Thanks! I like the character, but then I know a lot more about her than I've written down. As for AJ knowing Hoof Language, I am working with the basic assumption that it is not as rare as it is here to know it *IF* you are a merchant of some kind, so to this effect Rarity, AJ and Pinkie Pie would know it on some level.
And yes, RD is having a reeeally tough time as a double agent for NMM. She's taking a lot of hits for the team and one can only wonder how AJ will react when she learns what's happening?
@SomeGuy Yeah, since you said they came as a package and I did that immediately after I figured it might be anger-mongering. :P And yes, Trixie is strong, and I'm sorry if I implied that you had said that when you didn't, I think we were both agreeing on the same thing! ^_^
And you have touched a point I feel is true about both Nightmares (and even the original NMM): they will go to any lenghts to get what they want.
@Anonymous Unless NMF was lying? ^_~ wouldn't be the first character in the story to blatantly lie.
@Hio590 Thank you!
@Not A Good Username 360 Can Celestia exist without Trollestia? A question for the ages.
@Ace12541 Indeed, her role is yet to be fulfilled and Anon might change his/her mind about the character then. We'll see.
@Damat It's starting to gain momentum again, there was a slight calm before the storm, but in the last three chapters three factions have been placing their "chess pieces" in key positions.
@Anonymous Well, hopefully you saved your stars, you might yet change your opinion about her.
@Anonymous NMF doesn't know about the council, so *she* won't.
@Anonymous If that ever happened I would bounce around shouting "Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes..."
@Otherunicorn Thanks for pointing that out!
@Anonymous Thought process?
@killbob Did I ever say explicitly that the old mare Trixie encountered was "Granny Smith"? ^_^'
@Tast Yep. That mouth of her's can get her in a lot of trouble.
(To be Continued...)
(CHAPTER 13 REPLIES/POSSIBLE SPOILERS WARNING. Continued.)
ReplyDelete@Idle Drifter Thanks! And I will!
@yetti Thank you for the compliment! Got something in your eye?! Don't rub it! Here are some eye-drops, it might look like you cried, but at least it's clean your eye of debris!
@Nova25 Past Sins is awesomeness ponyfied.
@Anonymous It just might. But then again...
@Wanderer D
ReplyDeleteWant to be my proof reader? XD
@Agave Azul Sure. wandererd at gmail dot com
ReplyDeleteAmazing as always.
ReplyDeleteI really like the direction you went in with Lyra and Bon-Bon. It really defines their characters, explaining a lot about their personalities and their level of devotion to restoring Equestria to it's original state. It also tells us a lot about the kind of fragile relationship the two seem to have, which I feel is a lot more believable than if you had tried to establish some kind of unbreakable bond at this point in your writing.
I'm am a little curious though, why have we heard nothing about Celestia's child yet? It seems like ages ago that it was even mentioned and rather than seeking him/her out, Nightmare Flare seems to be spending a lot of time trying to control the masses. And if the task was left up to Nightmare Moon, than why isn't there any dialogue between the two Queens about the subject? It's believable that Nightmare Flare has lost sight of here original goal through all of the chaos and political strife, but if she has, than the point where the child eventually appears or is otherwise explained, as I assume, is going to have a lot less impact.
Lastly, I felt like I missed something when I reached the end of the chapter and heard nothing about Trixie. But to be totally honest, I would prefer that she wasn't mentioned at all, than in some kind of brief summary of events.
THAT...TWIST.
ReplyDelete...
I suppose it's a bit earlier to start franticly reloading the page?
@theamberfox
ReplyDeleteThe whole reason Nightmare flare gathered all those ponies was to "scan" them and make sure none of them was her filly.
@Wanderer D
hmm, I have to admit that I had forgotten that conversation, and that it does seem to indicate that Jade was not aware what Nightmare moon was planning before that point.
How ever it doesn't really have that much effect to my theory. Nightmare moon just told Jade to capture the filly and nothing else. Then when she meets her in the story she asks her to join her against Nightmare flare.
Jade saying “I do owe you...” bothers me thou. How did Nightmare moon help Jade in past?
@Damat
ReplyDeleteI don't know how I missed that... I interpreted it as something else completely, like she was trying to instill fear into the crowd, rather than actually check them for anything.
I'm glad you pointed that out.
Part 13 :
ReplyDelete>“There's no air out there. And the temperature changes are extreme. You would die almost immediately.
-Unless you are an Alicorn, of course ?
>when the alicorn looked up towards Equestria in surprise. A small smile appearing on her face. “You're welcome, Scootaloo.”
-Huh ? ...Scootaloo made a wish or something ?
(In some stories, it is said that Luna can hear wishes made to the stars)
-Apparently, that wasn't even a wish... quite odd.
>“Jade saved my life about four years ago. She was on her way somewhere for an important mission,
-I wonder if 'Jade' was an assassin back then... If AJ knew that... Also: Sweetie Belle and now AJ ? (but no Rarity or Applebloom, huh ? ...young and older, 1 per side/family...)
>since none of them knew any hoof-language.
-Wait... she's mute ? Didn't Jade ''speak'' to Nightmare Moon, when she was recruited ?
>“Oh, no dear.” Glitter Horn shook her head. “They have it easy. If you suspect someone of being a rebel and you don't inform the guard, you can be thrown into the dungeons
-She has the word ''betrayer'' written all over her face.
-...and apparently it wasn't written big enough ?
>her eyes scanned the crowd until they settled on Bon-Bon, who was flanked by two guards.
-This make little to no sense ??
They are lovers, right ? And, Flare wouldn't have ever know, if she hadn't blabbered about it.
This just doesn't feel like a ''brillant'' manoeuver.
>“You have been listening to gossip, little pony.
-Yeaaaaaah... Bon-Bon must feel like a 'dumbass' right now...
... It was better, I 'think' ...
Chapter 14 has been sent to Seth!
ReplyDelete@Nova25 Well, I'm treating them a bit like D&D goddesses, if you pray to them, they hear you.
>Didn't Jade ''speak'' to Nightmare Moon, when she was recruited ?
Yes :) she did.
Bon-Bon does not feel good about it at all.
@Damat Jade's story will emerge in the future.
Yay~! Chapter 14, Worth the wait ^-^
ReplyDeleteMy patience, it cheers that this story follows a sort of update pattern. And the chapters can still manage a nice amount of words. For that alone, I'm thankful.
ReplyDeletethis story is amazing, would like to see it as a movie.
ReplyDeletecant wait for the next part.
also, good job with the suspense.
how many chapters are you planing on making?
ReplyDeleteI don't think he'll answer that. Actually, I hope he doesn't. I think it would let us draw too many conclusions too early as the story got to the later chapters.
ReplyDeleteAlso: Looking forward to Chapter 14. I selfishly hoped that you would be returning to an update every 2 days :<
...Well, I wasn't expecting THAT dogfight! Talk about taking your job seriously!
ReplyDelete[SPOILER]D: BON-BON... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!![/SPOILER]
ReplyDelete._q Indeed a very good chapter, and... D: OMG!!!
*He goes to Google Docs*
I have a bit of a problem with the cult thing.
ReplyDeleteHow did Nightmare moon not know about them, didn't they kinda worship her with guardian etc? Or did I get that wrong some how?
GAH! 2 steps forward, 8 steps back! I am really starting to think that Trixie may be the pony everybody is looking for... and since she's already dead and in the grips of the evil version of Twilight's father things are only going to get worse.
ReplyDeleteKung Fu Derpy is *awesome* Derpy.
ReplyDeleteSomepony needs to knock Luna upside the head.
ReplyDeleteNEWSFLASH: YOU'RE ONE OF THE GOOD GUYS, THAT DOESN'T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO BE A JERK!
When all this is over, I hope she gives out some apologies.
I knew Nightmare Moon was good :>. Also still don't have sympathy for Bon Bon. She took the cowards way out ratting out Lyra, and then she did it again by committing suicide. If she really wanted to do something good, she should have found her own way to help the rebellion.
ReplyDeleteSeems like Trixie is on her way to becoming a major part of the story now. One thing I'm confused about is Midnight still being under the effects of the amulet, and at the same time he discussed how his memories were warped by the amulet. Does that kinda feel strange to anyone else?
Anyway, another good chapter. Keep them coming :)
"do not worry yourself with his fate"
ReplyDeleteYeaaaah no. Sorry, that's not how this should work. If I were AJ, I wouldn't take that for an answer. Things like this make me want to smack NNM.
@Mekran
ReplyDeleteCreative use of the truth.
"Oh, don't worry, I was a good pony who had his mind warped by evil magic."
That is true. He just left out the part about still being under the influence of the amulet. I expect he thought that that wouldn't endear him to the rebels.
And the plot thickens further! Whathappensnextwhathapensnextwhathappensnext...
ReplyDeleteI really hope Bon Bon comes back as a ghost and redeems herself because her actions so far in this story are unacceptable.
ReplyDeleteNightmare Moon's a badass. I don't see why you guys are calling her a jerk. She probably helped that guy by breaking the medallion.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteThe problem is that they shouldn't be aware that they memories have been messed with when they are under the control of the amulet (see how Rainbow Dash acted while she was wearing the amulet). So he wouldn't know to lie about that if he still were under the amulet's control.
@Damat
ReplyDeleteAh, but RD was a: newly subjugated and b: the Element of Loyalty. Midnight was a longtime member, and apparently a highly ranked one. He surely at some point learned how the amulets worked because he surely at some point used one on somepony else. And if he knows that his memories have been tampered with, well, he found this out years in. It's possible that he'd been truly turned by then, or that he's forcing himself to believe that he's been truly turned so that he won't have to look at what he's become. Knowing that your memories were changed at some point and learning what they were before that point doesn't change the memories formed after that point.
To avoid spoilers, I never read comments until I finish
ReplyDeletethe new chapter. So what happens, I’m reading the comments
on the comic “First Meet” and somepony gives away the
ending to the chapter 14.
Curse You.... CURSE YOUUUUUU!!
(i feel better now, i forgive you)
Also, great chapter. This story has me guessing.
Thanks
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteActually your point about RD being element of loyalty kinda works against you. Surely if amulets can make the element of loyalty to forget about her past and friends then a normal pony has absolutely no change of resisting the effects.
Also it doesn't matter if he knew about how the amulets works, even if he did he would still be affected. He shouldn't be able to remember his true past and therefore shouldn't be able to tell his story about it.
I absolutely love the spin this story has taken! ALL MY STARS!
ReplyDeleteWow (trying really hard not to look up as I have only read chapter 1). This is just amazing. If I could write something even half as good as this...
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely amazing, and that's just chapter 1. Can not wait to read the rest!!
You....you just killed Bon-Bon!! If this story didn't have ghosts I'd probably freak out intesely. As it is, if Lyra dies too, they'd better come back as ghosts.
ReplyDeleteI apologize that this rambles a bit. It's not that easy to edit in this little box and if I come back to it tomorrow I won't remember to post it at all:
ReplyDeleteAfter reading chapter 13, I felt I had to give up my pet theory (posted anonymously last week) about Silent Jade, but after reading chapter 14 and re-reading chapters 12 and 13, the hints in that direction seem broader and broader.
I may be entirely wrong, of course, but so many things seem to add up. If I'm interpreting it correctly, some of the hints are quite nicely hidden in plain sight amongst all the other little details which make character interaction scenes more than just "he said this" and "she said that". In retrospect the clues seem so obvious and the characters' actions in the scene wouldn't make much sense without them, but when you're just reading along, nothing sticks out as odd or unusual unless the character notices it too.
The same type of craftsmanship is probably present elsewhere, but I don't have any examples, as it's the sort of thing one doesn't notice unless it's missing or one's actively looking for it. I only noticed it here because I caught on to (or imagined) something that made me study certain passages.
tl;dr paragraph 1: "I (think I) know something you don't!" said in a sing-song voice.
tl;dr paragraphs 2-3: I like the way the author is crafting descriptions of non-verbal actions during dialogues.
@Damat
[wild, unsubstantiated and oblique SPECULATION follows]
Even though (what we know of) the story's chronology makes it impossible, I really hope that both my idea of Silent Jade's identity and your idea of Silent Jade's involvement in this mess are right, as it would have hilaarious implications about who Celestia's daaughter is. I don't really expect this to happen (for it to work, the mystery foal would have to be no more than about 6-8 years old and Silent Jade would have to have been quite young when she abducted her), but I can't seem to shake the hilarious mental image.
Okay I really just wanted to tell you that I hardly comment on things, but this fic is so good I just had to give props where props are do! Excellent job, GREAT suspence through out the whole story, and I really like this whole double agent thing you got going.
ReplyDeleteMy only hope (as a reader) is that there will be some positive conclusion involving Twilight and Trixi...but hey you're ultimately the genius behind this whole story and what you decide will probably entertain us more then anything that we could come up with.
But I mainly wanted to just applaud you for an incredible fic so far and I can't wait for the next parts to come out!!!
At the end of 14 when she looked over the waterfall, I was like, oh she won't do that, she'll be fine...wait...OMFG!!!
ReplyDeleteFor all the responses regarding my observation of Midnight, I do understand what is going on with him. It just doesn't entirely make sense.
ReplyDeleteThe amulets force you to replace your memory with that of you being in the cult. Midnight explained that to the 'rebels', and we know he wasn't lieing about that from the effects on Rainbow Dash. However, if he is aware of the amulet's influence on him, and he is still serving the council, does that mean the amulets do more than replace memories or something? Think about it. He's completely aware that his own memories are lies. He knows that he was tricked into being evil. And he continues doing so willingly. It just feels strange to me.
Also: as someone suggested earlier in comments (I have no memory of who), I think Twilight Sparkle never actually died. Perhaps she figured out the final spell that was cast, and staged her own death somehow to convince the council that they had succeeded and let their guard down or something. It's pretty obvious that Twilight Spark doesn't have all of Sparkle's memories now, and the detail that stood out to me when she was raised from the dead was that her horn got longer.
Guess we'll see in the future ._.
@Mekran
ReplyDeleteAbout Twilight Sparkle's death. It all really depends how accurate Luna was terminating that the horn was Twilight's and since that is something author made up we have no idea if it could possibly been for example her father's horn and still give false positive.
For the moment, my guess is that the spell is accurate, and she could have just been gravely injured in the fight.
ReplyDeleteI don't have any reason for the false positive situation not being able to happen; perhaps it's my own desire to see certain events happen, or what I would do if I was the one designing the plot.
These updates just can't come fast enough :'(
bon bon nooooooooooo!
ReplyDeleteAnd then Lyra was saved and bonbon was still a dead idiot. The end.
ReplyDeleteWow, okay. I was up until 3 AM last night reading this (damn you!!!! (It's 7am and I've been up for nearly an hour -.-)).
ReplyDeleteAs soon as I read about Trixie ghost I was a little bit taken aback...mostly because I've written a story about ghost Trixie....lol
Oh well. Absolutely great story. Looking forward to the next Chapter!
SPOILERS!
ReplyDeleteThe first scene with Gilda was hilarious once the twist was revealed.
I gotta love Lyra, but she is the worst rebel ever. "I'll never tell you anything - oh hey, Big Mac, hows the rebelling going? Trixie doing okay?"
Fantastic twist with Midnight by the way, I did NOT see that coming.
And BonBon at the end? D: Nooo!
The story is really coming into it's own now, I must say. Looking forward to the next one!
It's lost some of the appeal that the sad parts brought with the later chapters in my opinion.
ReplyDelete@Mekran
ReplyDeleteI had mentioned in one of my earlier comments that Spark is missing many of Twilight's memories, her behavior is almost childlike with unearned power and knowledge. Another thing that has popped up to me is that the Guardian is missing as well as Spark referred to Spike as her little brother. Weird since she always called him, reverently, as her assistant.
Everything about Spark screams at me the Guardian's influence if not presence:
1. Sparks physical appearance down to the sharp fangs.
2. Dismissive attitude towards the Queens.
3. Everything I and everyone listed above about Spark's persona.
Twilight's body was never found and now Midnight has been revealed to be playing everyone on the rebel side. So did he really intend to transport her? Is she really dead? Originally the Element of Magic was hidden even from a being as powerful as Nightmare Moon. But with that said Princess Celestia knew what would bring out the Element of Magic in Twilight.
(Use dramatic Voice)
The questions keep repeating themselves:
Where is Twilight?
Where is the Guardian?
Can the Elements of Harmony be reunited to purify Princess Celestia?
Is Spitfire really a willing member of the Counsel of Nightmares or can she be saved?
STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT EXCITING EPISODE OF:
The Empty Room (cue dramatic music)
And Bon Bon cast herself from the tallest mountain in all of Equestria!
ReplyDeleteAll joking aside, Bon Bon is tragic character here. I can't bring myself to hate her as she became entrapped by her fear. Turning her into a pitiful creature whose guilt will break her body as her fear broke her spirit. ~_~
Ah those Twists!
ReplyDeleteBut still, Bon Bon, NOOOOOOOOOOO! Althought, knowing this story something/someone is going to save her, isn't it?
And that thing with Midnight - tell me that's just an assumption and nothing more... No, seriously, he can't still be bad, can he?
All we know is that Bon-Bon jumped. Considering all the twist in this story, it wouldn't be a surprise if she survives the fall somehow. So I wouldn't assume that she's dead until somepony confirms it in the story.
ReplyDeleteIt seems strange that Midnight is still under the influence of the medallion, despite the fact that he knows about their abilities. But remember that Spitfire gave RD a medallion. This means she knew that it would change the memories of Dash and make her a Nightmare Moon cultist. Despite that, it doesn’t seem to bother her that she’s wearing one, too. Perhaps the bearer simply can’t believe that he or she is brainwashed, no matter how obvious the facts are.
So you want comments huh? :P All I'll say is that I really hope you weren't just being a mean tease when you said there might be a happy ending several chapters ago. The "only one way to find out" that came with it...
ReplyDeleteThat is just evil man. Evil.
You want a TWEEST? I bet Bon-Bon is going to bite it, and will be just in time as another ghost to save Trixie from Midnight.
ReplyDeleteDon't forget that this is a grimdark story. Bon Bon might not be coming back.
ReplyDeleteAlso: Even if she did meet up with Trixie (somehow), what would even tip her off that Midnight is up to no good?
As for the happy ending part, I think most stories will have happy endings, because it's a human desire to resolve conflicts with happy endings. It doesn't mean that this one will, but I would say it's more than likely.
@Mekran
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion this story is very light Grimdark. Sure a few ponies died but one came back as a ghost and the other as a fillyfooling goth vampony.
Unless I forgot somepony the only "dead" characters are Swift Mantle - aka random Royal Guard #125 - and Blizzad. Sure Blizzard is a canon character but all we know about him is his name and that he's one of the Wonderbolts.
In other Grimdark stories popular background characters or even mane cast members suffer and/ or die. Those stories are either very graphic or give you an uncomfortable feeling. Take that one Slenderpony story for example. That's Grimdark.
I'm not saying this is a bad story. It's just that it's not Grimdark for me because it’s to positive. But everybody has a different opinion about the meaing of Grimdark.
Not every grimdark story is going to be as dark as Cupcakes. Grimdark simply means there is death or violence. The author has already stated that he is going to slowly lower the audience into hopelessness and despair, and Bon Bon's suicide could be the start of that. I'm not saying her return is impossible, it just seems unlikely.
ReplyDeleteIt also seems unfair to say a story is 'very light grimdark' when it isn't finished yet.
It'll be interesting to see Bonbon a ghost helping out the rebels to redeem herself. There also seems to be two teams that really should be allied, but with Mac seeing NNM laughing that might be fixed somewhat
ReplyDeleteLast thing: Have you all forgotten that the main way to be freed from the medallion was death?(And possibly smashing the amulet) Midnight died, therefore freed.
~AppleTank