• Story: The Empty Room (Update - Side Story Part 6!)


    [Grimdark][Adventure][Sad][ROLLERCOASTER] I was saddened, terrified, and fascinated all in the same chapter. More, please! -Pre-reader #15

    Author: Wanderer D
    Description: Luna feels something weird when walking through Canterlot and finally, with Celestia's help, manages to discover what it is. But what does it mean?

    Silent Jade (Side Story) (New Part 6!)
    The Empty Room (All Links)

    Additional Tags: Mystery, Family, Friendship, Learning, Hope


    Fan Art 



    Source

    Source

    778 comments:

    1. Good story so far, very interesting.

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    2. all i gotta say is that picture

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    3. Hi ,how are you. We all like horse things so here I recommend www.equestrianlover.com which is the best community to search Countryside Dating and Cowboys Cowgirls for fun, love, romance.Hope you can join it and enjoy your life there.

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    4. @Anonymous
      Spam, spam, wonderful spam!

      Also, the first time I saw this title, my thoughts immediately turned to The Room. Now, of course, we need some Tommy Wiseauny.

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    5. Grimdark...adventure...comedy...

      Looks like this is quite the story.

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    6. Interesting start, and am curious as to where this story goes.

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    7. YOUR TEARING ME APART LUNA!

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    8. @Anonymous Try Furaffinity.

      Regarding the story, a wonderful beginning with some very nice touches. Mystery, drama, and comedy. I'm definitely looking forward to the next installments.

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    9. @Anonymous

      ...dude. We're popular enough to start getting poorly translated spam comments.

      That's...kind of scary, actually.

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    10. A GrimDark Adventure Comedy? What the hell?

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    11. Of course you realise, this, needs moar.
      [/bugsbunny]

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    12. Nothing makes apony fic awesome like trixie getting eaten

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    13. The Great and Powerful Trixie will not be eaten alive!!! [SpikeScream]NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!![/SpikeScream]

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    14. I cannot begin to express, in any sort of writing, how much I would like this to continue. Also, Best. Tags. Ever.

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    15. Awesome first chapter! Please sir, may I have some more?

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    16. Interesting... but please don't let Trixie be Celestia's long-lost daughter.

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    17. I as well am greatly interested in this. This has a lot of potential and I eagerly await watching the story develop.

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    18. I normally avoid Grimdark tags, but since this also had a comedy tag I decided to give it the benefit of the doubt.

      Intriguing first chapter. Curious to see where you are going with this. Scared though, like I said, I don't usually read Grimdark stories... Hope I am not going to regret this one.

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    19. Though I don't like stories that have more than one thing going on at once, I must say that this is one of the few stories that caught my attention. Just don't make it too predictable.

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    20. Interestingly, I'd played with a (vaguely) similar idea. It was depressing.

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    21. Honestly, maybe it's just because it's the first chapter, but Trixie ending up as a snack without so much as a struggle sounds... well, meaningless. Sort of like "Hi, I'm the guardian. I'm evil. And to prove that I'm evil I'll eat Trixie, just because. Oh, and she won't fight me, even if she could try, because vore makes for such splendid drama."
      Bleh.

      I don't like the blue bombastic blowhard all that much (although, fanfiction after fanfiction, she's growing on me), but using her as a sacrificial prop? The author could just as well have used an OC, IMHO. But hey, maybe things will get better in future chapters.

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    22. Its gotten to the point where the inclusion of trixie (especially if twilight is in the same story) is enough to make me stop reading a fic.
      Imagine my surprise when...

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    23. I figured that Trixie being eaten only happened in Twilight's nightmare, since Spike's burp mirrored the Guardian's.

      So far the story seems to be all over the place, not sure if I'll continue reading the next chapter.

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    24. Hello everypony, author here.

      Yes... that picture...

      @Stephen Cawking well if you do read further I hope You'll enjoy it more! But thanks for giving it a try!

      @Anonymous There's a reason Trixie was eaten... she looked yummy. j/k I actually have a purpose in that, which hopefully will become more clear in the following chapters...

      @Velvet Yeah I do get slightly depressed when I work on the Empty Room scenes in particular, but it's part of the story you know?

      @Anonymous I will do my best to make it as unpredictable as storytelling allows without pulling a 'Lost' on it.


      @Baree Well, thank you for reading it then! I will be the first to admit that I also tend to avoid certain stories based on tags, although I have found some I would have otherwise avoided to be amazing gems! (Not that mine is, mind you) The comedy/Grimdark is a bit hard to balance, but I'll do my best to make it enjoyable!

      @Anonymous Thanks! I hope I write up to that potential!

      @Fengor Yes.

      @TenchiFreak5 Exactly

      And finally thank you everypony for your kind words and honest opinions! If you're staying, I hope you like the following chapters!

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    25. A story where it's insinuated that Celestia has children.

      You've certainly hooked me.

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    26. I definitely like this beginning, I anticipate future chapters.

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    27. I see where this is going and I'm enjoying it. Keep up the good work

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    28. Hee, now if only I could remember the author of "Mort Takes a Holiday"... If it isn't you, then I absolutely LOVE the reference.

      If it is you, I still love it.


      Silly Mort, forgetting to cut the thread...


      Hoofmares/Handmaidens - Nice touch there.


      "They make her sound like a noble!" - Alarm bells. I think I could possibly name one of 'her' ancestors...


      I think the line should have been, "Glitter is just as her name suggests: pretty... useless." =P


      20 years... I have a fair idea...


      I dunno why I did that stream of consciousness. Nice to see this update so quickly! Hope it continues. :)

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    29. So far the 'comedy' tag hasn't really been relevant at all.

      I will admit though that the second chapter was a much better read. The dialogue still felt a little forced in parts, particularly Twilight's lines, but the overall structure of the chapter made a lot more sense.

      Also, I'm curious how Trixie plans on talking to anyone when she's obviously dead.

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    30. @Stephen Cawking

      Thanks for the insight! I'll take a look at those Twilight dialogues and try and figure how to avoid that in the future!

      @Crimson Valor

      The author of "Mort Takes a Holiday" is Anonymous~Materials, and he was very kind to let me use his character for this chapter :) I love his story.

      Twilight has a few things to say about the noble thing, but that will come up eventually!

      Thanks for reading and leaving comments!

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    31. Oh boy. This is quite exciting.
      I get the feeling that Trixie is Celestia's daughter becuase after all, why else would she be there?

      This story is very promising and I would love to see what you come up with. Thanks for writing such a great story =)

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    32. Also, please.. for the love of all things holy.. don't make Trixie Celestia's daughter.

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    33. This so far looks like it would be an interesting story. An interesting combination of tags at least. Implying that Celestia had a child at some point, I have not seen anything like that before. I will check back to see how it developes.

      A slight nit-pick. Luna should asked if Celestia had a foal not a filly as the gender of the child should not have been clear. Unless there was something in the room that positively indicated a filly and not a colt. Did I miss it or Did you forget to explicitly state it?

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    34. This is a good chapter, is also fixed my biggest gripe with the first one by bringing Trixie back into the story. I thought you had just popped her in as an excuse for setting the Guardian loose and then killed her off, but it turns out their was more than that.

      I also liked how Twilight spotted the date on the book, it shows how smart she really is.

      I'm guessing the missing filly is either Twilight or Trixie. They seem the most likely candidates. Personally I'm leaning towards Twilight since the comment that she sounded like the Princesses when she talked and how Celestia was more like her mother then her real mother kinda tipped the hat their.

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    35. It is times like this that i wish i did not read as fast as I do. From finding this story to finishing what was written, at most 12 minutes passed. In that time, I frell in love with the story. I do wish i could have read it slower. Much, Much slower. That way, i would have enjoyed it all the more and for longer. This will be a brilliant story. I only hope that you post the next chapter before my brain rebells at the wait.

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    36. There continues to be not enough of this story. I suggest that you fix the problem as soon as possible.

      If I may engage in a bit of speculation; Whatever that illusion and/or memory magic is, it must have been powerful enough to trump Celestia herself which implies a great deal of power indeed. Following that logic, whoever performed that magic must have been exceptionally powerful themselves. The three most magical ponies are, in roughly ascending order, Twilight, Luna, and Celestia herself. The time frame of twenty years ago fairly neatly rules out the first two, since Luna would still have been trapped on the moon and it would have been aell before Twilight got her cutie mark and tapped into her magic. That seems to leave Celestia as the primary suspect...

      Come to think of it, just how old is Twilight Sparkle anyway?

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    37. I just reread this,to tide myself over. Somethings i failed to mention earlier: One: the reference to Mort was awesome. Two: when i started this, i was afraid it was going to be another sad attempt at a horror story with ponies (the two subjects don't go too well together, do they?) I'd read a horror story a while ago, with a similar title and a similar sealed room that no-one remembered, but was noticed this story, unlike the other one. Rocks hard. keep going and, like the Anon. just above me says, keep writing -Lordlyhour again

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    38. "Grimdark" "Adventure"
      "Comedy"
      This ain't gonna be good...
      Might as well read it anyways

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    39. When I saw the tags "Gimdark Comedy", I expected Black Comedy. Nevertheless, Trixie being eaten alive and then failing to notice this fact as a ghost threw me for a loop.

      Never before has the term "bloody hilarious" had such a literal meaning for me. Well done.

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    40. >Celestia finds out she has a long-forgotten daughter
      >Trixie dies at the exact same time this happens
      >Trixie's ghost begins taking up poltergeist activities

      Do I smell a tweest up ahead?

      Dammit, man, I NEED to see how this one ends! Write more!!!

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    41. a good song that goes with - http://www.youtuberepeat.com/watch/?v=RFnmH9a2RkE&feature=related at least to the point of first part where the focus is set on the sisters.

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    42. Well... Trixie 'death' in Part 1 was... politely said, a bit pathetic. Very not 'epic', if you want some *politically correct*...

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    43. @Nova25 Eh, it was never meant to be epic. Sorry.

      @undead431 Thanks! I'll listen to it right away!

      @Anonymous - Glad you're liking it!

      @Eclipse I'll be honest, I'm not Trixie's biggest fan, but I don't believe in using a character like herself for mere pointless scenes... she's growing on me though.

      @Lordlyhour - working on it, third chapter should be sent tonight. Got a bit sidetracked by RL.

      @Anonymous - I cannot either confirm nor deny your speculations, I can only *smile mysteriously* as for Twilight's age, I'm placing her at about 18nish or so.

      @SomeGuy Glad you're liking it! I'll have to check that scene again, I thought I had given enough clues but it is clear now I didn't, thanks for pointing it out!

      Thanks again for all the comments! I'm going back to the story now!

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    44. @Naxts No, thank *you* for reading and leaving a comment!

      @Bunnylisk - on it's way!

      (Sorry, I thought I had included these answers in the previous post.)

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    45. [WARNING! CONTAINS UNREVEALED SPOILER!]Oh dear GOD!!! What will happen when Celestia finds out the Gourdian has eaten her little girl?

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    46. ditzy doo is celestias daughter! just think about it

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    47. Well, that just went weird 6.9

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    48. BUT HOW ARE YOU WRITING THIS WHEN YOU'VE IMPLODED TWICE!?
      WE'RE DEALING WITH A GHOST WRITER GUYS!
      PANIC AND RUN IN CIRCLES!

      (On an unrelated note, mysterious writer from beyond the grave, I'm enjoying this fic greatly)

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    49. I think I have an idea of who it may be. She performs feats that other ponies, even powerful ones, can only aspire to. If anyone is the daughter of a living Goddess, she's it. All shall bow before Princess Pinkie Pie!

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    50. "self insertion was a low he was not going to hit" ROFL. That's an interesting rephrasing!

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    51. Nice to see some jokes really hitting their mark, especially since their topic (ghosts) is actually relevant to the story. Nicely done. Though I thought the direct references to the Sixth Sense and LOTR were not really helping the immersion any. Seems like you chose a difficult set of tags to work with.

      Might also want to add the [sad] tag for when everyone realizes Trixie has in fact been dead all this time and will be forced to leave them for that great apple pasture in the sky.

      Looking forward to reading more.

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    52. This is getting interesting...(and it was already interesting from the start!) Excellent work, keep it up!

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    53. I enjoy random jokes and references just as much as the next brony over, but I also like to keep a barrier between them and the plot. For example, the self-insert crack and the LotR reference made me lol, Mort might as well become established in the fanon because he's that cool, but having some ponyfication from Sixth Sense allow Trixie to get on with her plan kind of kills the immersion.

      But the fact that Trixie is a ghost makes up for that. It's like Spirit Tracks all over again! :D

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    54. another epic chapter..thanks for giving us this Wanderer D

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    55. This story is getting really good. It was god before but it is getting better. The comedy is starting to come through in these last to chapters. I like random comedy. You should probably add a [SAD] tag as the scenes with Celestia, Luna, and Twilight thinking about the lost filly are really sad. This story is such a emotional roller coster. There is so much going on all at once.

      So what are you going to do with Spike now that he has awoken and [Spoilers] believe that his time in Ponyville was all a dream? [/Spoilers]

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    56. Hmmm, there are three possibilities here as to who could have done it:

      1) Nightmare Moon's followers.
      2) Someone from another race.
      3) Celestia herself.

      I wonder which.

      Anyway, great job!

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    57. whelp, there goes any chance of there being a fourth wall in this story

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    58. This is insane. Absolutely, delightfully insane.

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    59. Very interesting story. can hardly wait for future chapters to come out ^_^ as far as the story go's i to don't really like story's broken up into a lot of different little side story lines as it tends to give you only a taste of what you really want instead of giving you a meal (sort of like what i imagine Trixie was for the guardian :P)

      but i have a feeling these will join together later one with spike and the rest of the crew and passably twilight herself joining into one plot line while Trixie, The "Lunatics" and the guardian (unless his plot line is dropped for now) will merge into another plot line reducing it from 6 fragmented story's to 2 parallel story's but that's just my view on it. it doesn't remove anything from the story, i just think it's in danger of spreading itself a little to thin.

      as for the missing daughter.. i really hope it's not Trixie. i really, really do. that would just be way to contrived. i have a feeling ether the guardian is protecting/holding her OR (because of the hooded cloaks covering almost all of there features) shes a member of the "lunatics". passably even the speaker.

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    60. glad I read the story before checking out the comments. SPOILER ALERTS EVERYWHERE! lol

      And here's another, in a sense.

      Why do I have the feeling Trixie or Twilight is the missing daughter?

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    61. 2 bits says that this story gets a mild shipping tag at some point and that twilight is Celestia's daughter

      also lol at the sixth sense reference XD

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    62. >self-insertion 4th-wall joke

      AUGH! META HUMOR! GETITOFFMEGETITOFFME!!!

      *runs away somehow screaming and laughing at the same time*

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    63. >"... ghosts are ethereal. That means they... cannot really touch objects normal objects, however, according to Magister Crowley, magical objects can be moved and touched by spirits... that is how fetishes are created."

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3rhQc666Sg&feature=feedlik

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    64. Hi everypony! The next chapter has been mailed to Seth, so hopefully it'll turn up soon! Just a warning: it's a WHAM! Episode. Please let me know what you think!

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    65. Well... s***.

      What a TWEEST.

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    66. @Wanderer D
      ...
      Yup, that's a WHAM! Episode alright. I am eagerly awaiting the next chapter.

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    67. You know, when Rainbow Dash appeared I literally thought that this just needed an explosion to be even more awesome, then you go and add an explosion. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

      Gotta say, though, on that last scene it was very obvious who was under the hood.

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    68. Alright, just read Part IV...

      I have to say, I am very much interested in how this turns out. Though, I'm gonna go with a couple of other people and bank a prediction on the possibility that Twilight is Celestia's long lost filly.

      Twilight's mother and father are not her real birth parents, and Twilight is going to learn this the hard way in Part V.

      ...I can totally see it happening in a partially inverted Star Wars-esque manner, too.

      (Twilight) You told me enough! You're still my father!
      (Twi's Dad) ...No. I KILLED YOUR FATHER!
      (Twilight) *eyes wide* What? No, that's not true!
      (Twi's Dad) Search your feelings, you know it to be true!
      (Twilight) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--wait, then who WAS my dad...?


      ...eh, or maybe not. 'Twas funnier in my head. xD

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    69. This story just seems like a piled on mishmash of every reference and plot twist the author could think of.

      It has so many plot threads going on so fast I cant even figure out whats going on with half of them. I've always disliked when stories don't inform the audience what's going on for dramatic effect or try to pack so much action in that they skip out on the details.

      So why do I love this story so much any way?

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    70. And than Trixie almost killed a pony.

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    71. This gets better with every chapter :D

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    72. "dad... why?"

      HOW IS THIS COMEDY.

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    73. Trixie is pretty hilarious. I mean, some people think she's best pony.

      But anyway, Twi is Celestia's kid. Calling it. Some Illuminati dealio about overthrowing the Princess and they needed someone with enough magic to raise the sun and moon to replace her. At least, that's how I'm reading it right now. I'm probably off by a ton.

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    74. trixie curses alot.

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    75. To be honest, the story didn't really keep me very interested. Emotions in the characters were way overexaggerated, the pacing was kind of weird, and the gags were a little cheesy. But overall, i isn't a bad story.

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    76. I really like this story because of all of the separate plot lines. I knew that, eventually, all of them were going to cross in a spectacular fashion. And, by the end of the 4th chapter, it appears that this crossing is coming to a head.

      Keep up the awesome work!

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    77. EPIC GASP!
      Well, someone likes Dan Brown.

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    78. I think I'll be removing the [Comedy] Tag... although there is some of it there, I think it is confusing some readers... and although I won't strip the jokes from the previous or future chapters, it does seem to be creating more trouble than helping by not balancing out properly.

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    79. Eh, you had too much going on at the end of that last chapter. You had a total of 3 cliffhangers at the end of a single chapter... that's a bit excessive, don't you think? A little bit more focus next time would be much appreciated!

      That said, you've done a pretty good job so far. This has plenty of potential. I can't wait for the rest!

      (Also, how many chapters were you planning on having, anyways?)

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    80. @Wanderer D
      Comedy = Tragedy + Time

      As long as it doesn't end on a sad note, I wouldn't worry about that tag at all. You're not planning on a downer ending, right?

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    81. yeah dont end on a downer. but this is really good! i wanna see twilight kick the shit out of her dad lol, considering shes the element of magic it shouldnt be that hard

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    82. (Update part 6!)

      *reads*

      Part 1... 2... 3... 4... 5...?

      -_-

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    83. Twilight DEAD pleasse don't let be true is this really the end of her i sure hope not but how will the rest of her friends react to what's happen not to mention how will everyone react when they find out her own father is behind it

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    84. Ouch! I await the next ouch ... er.. chapter.

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    85. hm. big mac x trixie.... hell yeah!

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    86. This story has a lot of rather good plot ideas, and the personalities are pretty reasonable too. But the pacing really needs work
      I can't give too much advice since I'm horrible at writing myself, but everything felt a little too rushed. Slowing the story down with more descriptions and prose would be a good addition.

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    87. Please PLEASE keep it going!!! D:

      I feel that Spitfire had been doing something nearby Canterlot...

      Omg Twi... if she really is gone it would be so freaking awesome (I mean, thinking about Twilight without her horn seems... in some way gross, please tell me she is dead... and no, I dont have anything against Twilight -but Rarity-)

      Lol Big Mac X Trixie Wagon... XD

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    88. updated part 6 ?

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    89. Huh. I suppose this should bother me. For some reason it does not.

      Anyway, I don't know. I'll keep reading, but at the moment I don't really have anything meaningful to say. To many open plotlines.

      Well, one thing... you would do well to proofread, the last chapter had a couple of sentences that just broke up abruptly and/or did not make sense from a grammatical point of view.

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    90. Oh my gosh, you killed Twilight! D: How could you!? *sobs*

      No, wait...wait! We never saw the cloaked pony after that final attack thing! What if that was really Twilight?

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    91. Good stuff so far. Latest chapter exhibits some of the problems I found in the first two though, namely that there is so much going on that the narrative becomes rather chaotic.

      One moment we're with Celestia, then we're hearing Twilight's thoughts, then suddenly we're back with Spike as he's thinking about Twilight. IMO it would be more readable and effective if you try to limit the focus of the chapter to one or two characters.

      I wonder if we're going to see a ghostly Twi interact with a ghostly Trixie. Maybe they will try and get themselves resurrected somehow. That is, if Twi is really dead. Celestia seems to think so, even though she's yet to see proof of the matter.

      That strikes me as a little out of character for Celestia. She seems kind of defeatist in this story. I understand that you're trying to humanize (ponynize?) her so that we feel sympathy for her, and that she's had to put up with quite a bit of sorrow in one day. However, usually she tends to face her problems head on.

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    92. Now taking bets that Spitfire is part of the Council of Nightmares at 4-1 for.

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    93. I hope not ..my bet will be she supporting good guys against nightmare.

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    94. Hi everypony! Thank you so much for the comments! It really helps to read how much you are liking the story, and in some cases how to make it better!

      I'm currently working on the next chapter which might be the last until after July 6th, but do not be discouraged, if I can find time to write in the next few days I will!

      @Stephen Cawking Well the different groups will condense now into two, hopefully making it easier to read (I mean, I find it easy yo follow, but I'm writing it, so I'm definitely biased!) As for Celestia... yes, I agree, but next chapter has a bit of an explanation for why that's happening.

      @Baree Hm, I think I caught one after you mentioned this, but I'll make sure to be more careful in future installments.

      @Craft I have been thinking about going back and expanding the chapters, but not until the story is finished.

      @Crimson Valor It's a ghost chapter.

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    95. What are they doing in the park after dark?
      DUCKS! quack quack DUCKS! quack quack
      Reading pornography, smoking cigars.
      DUCKS! quack quack DUCKS! quack quack

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    96. So Apple Bloom's the one left to find Granny Smith's body? Ice cold, bro.

      And I kind of hope we see it.

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    97. @Anonymous

      20 bits on "yes she is."

      ...

      F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5

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    98. So I was wrong with my prediction about Twi's dad not being her biological father. Oh well. xD

      Still, Twi kicking the bucket? Or at LEAST losing her horn? This just keeps getting more and more intriguing.

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    99. Seeing how "common" ghosts here are, I wouldn't say we've seen the last of Twi in any way.

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    100. Just found today and finished it too fast i hope to read more soon

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    101. Why does it say (Updated Part 6!) btw? /hopeful wondering

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    102. @Bangles Well, I think Seth updated the story pretty late last night and that, combined with me mentioning that it would go past its 6 originally intended chapters...

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    103. *Finished reading all 5 chapters.* ...More please.

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    104. ...well, ****.

      Now that the comedy tag's been replaced with a sad, I'm convinced this is gonna have a tragic ending...

      ...and now I feel like watching Misery all of a sudden...

      *twitch*

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    105. These chapters are very vexingly short, but then again it is better to have short but good chapters than long and terrible ones.

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    106. Ohhhhh. Nice chap.

      Still, it doesn't necessarily mean that was Twilight's horn. It says Twilight's magic was in it, and that it was singed and burnt. It never said anything about being purple.

      But who knows.

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    107. Hmm. I love how you make the cliffhangers. Its like GODDAMMIT I WANT TO KNOW WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN!

      This doesnt really manage to sadden me in any way, more I feel heartfelt sorrow. Great story of betrayal and adventure.

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    108. So the title says "Updated chapter 6" but theres only 5 chapters derp

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    109. Interestingly development with Dr. Mend, and I find his obsession with studying believable.
      However, he has only one line "Let me get back to studying." or some variation on that line.
      It's a little hackneyed by the time we get to the end of the chapter. Maybe the drama was a touch overdone for Mend's parents' death, but all in all, it was rather good.

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    110. @Anonymous

      What the hay are you talking about?

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    111. Looks like somepony done derped. Got a few too many tabs open there, champ?

      The rest of the story's coming along nicely, but I really love the little parts that focus on ghost Trixie, and now we Big Mac has joined the fray, with the flutterings of a pairing I hadn't thought of and, to my own amazement, don't hate. Astonishing.

      What would one call that pairing anyway? Big Maxie? Trixintosh?

      Anyway, great work; NEED MOAR.

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    112. @AnonymousTrixintosh... hmm... sounds good to me!

      Okay everypony, I managed to squeeze some writing in, so I am sending chapter 6 to Seth right now, however, I was thinking I could do with a pre-reader if anypony was interested?

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    113. >Dash's tone turned accusing. “It's not! It can't be! Twilight wouldn't lose to some random unicorn! She's the Element of Magic! She has almost as much magic as an alicorn, right?!
      -Rainbow Dash has an excellent point there.

      >“I'm sorry, sister... I can only feel Twilight's magic alone in this horn.”
      -This *Boot to the Head* has an excellent point too, and it comes in PAIRS!

      ...Trying to make Twilight and her parents and her ENTIRE family/ancestors a part of some sort of Nihilistic Organisation of Fanatics... Nooooot sure... Really.

      ...I sincerly hope the author has a DAMN good reason to eliminate Twilight flatly like that...
      (sigh)...just wait and see... This is gonna end in a bad depressing way, I bet... One that I would like to lose.

      ReplyDelete
    114. amazing work man 5/5 stars, i think twilights gonna need some revenge if she ever comes back.

      ReplyDelete
    115. Right. In b4 Celestia goes evil herself.

      I can totally see it happening. Though whether it DOES or not remains TO be seen.

      ReplyDelete
    116. ....
      It's like I'm reading a George. R.R. Martin book.
      Damn this is good.

      Anyone else think Twi is going to go Super-Saiyen when she gets back?

      ReplyDelete
    117. @Nova25

      What does it matter if Twi got flat-out waxed? It doesn't seem to have slowed Trixie down that much.

      ReplyDelete
    118. Oh, Celestia... *facehoof* You're worse than SoTC's Wander... wanting to bring the dead back to life, no matter how valid the cause, will bring more problems than it solves. ALWAYS.

      I'm actually kind of surprised Celestia didn't know any resurrection magic, nor the divine power to bring back one single pony back to life...

      ...also, why the hay haven't we seen Twilight's ghost yet?! There's a metric TON of dramatic irony you could've put in there!

      ...unless... Twilight isn't actually dead...

      ReplyDelete
    119. @Wanderer D
      ...what do you mean by that? You mean you want feedback from one of Seth's pre-readers, or that you want one of us to receive an advanced copy or something to offer you feedback on it?

      ReplyDelete
    120. A very interesting and powerful story thus far. I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes.

      ReplyDelete
    121. Awesome so far, can't wait for the next chapter!

      ReplyDelete
    122. @Anonymous

      Must admit, I was thinking this too. If she perished in an explosion, you'd expect to find a lot more pieces of her lying around. Some teeth, a few splinters of bone, maybe a couple of streamers of viscera adorning the stonework, but nope; nothing but her horn.
      Trixie left much more of a mess behind and she was eaten, so you'd expect most of her body to be gone, but what was left of her was still all over the place.

      Aye, I don't think we should count Twi out just yet.

      ReplyDelete
    123. @AnonymousThe second, actually. Since I usually have about 24 to 36 hours after the story is sent for it to be updated it is an ideal time to fine-tune it.

      ReplyDelete
    124. @Wanderer D

      I wouldn't mind doing a little proofreading

      ReplyDelete
    125. This is really good. 5 stars. But then around chapter 4 it completely lost me. I have absolutely no idea what is happening. Still, 5 stars for awesome.

      ReplyDelete
    126. I'm not sure how this isn't six stars, to be honest. I guess it's okay to cripple Rainbow Dash, put other ponies into comas, bludgeon Big Macintosh and shoot him with a cross, etc etc. But killing Twilight in such a way that it's obvious she'll be back is too far?

      Anyway, five stars for you, can't wait to see the next chapter so I can rock out to Sorairo Days while reading it.

      I also can't wait for Trixie to confront the guardian and shot: "Who the hell do you think I am? My Specter is the specter that will pierce the heavens!"

      ReplyDelete
    127. @Anonymous
      >What does it matter if Twi got flat-out waxed?
      -Kick in the groin.

      On a more... something else... note :
      Yeah... let's eliminate one by one, every single IMPORTANT characters in the whole series, just to make them into ghosts, then we will have plenty of ghost and a ghost world and... wait ? ...wasn't this story about Celestia ? Bah, let's kill a few dozen more, no one will care, right ?

      (sigh) Seriously ? ...whatever now.

      ---------------

      >Had it been under other circumstances... perhaps... but we know, don't we... that it was unfair... that it was uncalled for.
      -Heh... Is this the Voice of Reason ? Because It is making a whole lot more sense...

      Killing *Key characters* isn't the Key for anything good.
      But what do I know, right ?

      ReplyDelete
    128. @Nova25Neither is assuming that things happen for no reason... it's not the end of the story, you know?

      @Stephen Cawking That would be awesome, how do you want to set it up?

      ReplyDelete
    129. @Wanderer D

      Uh.. no idea actually

      you can reach me at scawking@gmail.com and we can talk about using skype chat or just sending the files via email

      ReplyDelete
    130. Hey everypony, chapter 7 will be sent soon, but I was wondering, for those of you that actually read my posts here...

      [SPOILER ALERT]


      Looking back on chapter 4, I tried to give an ominous feeling to the fate of Twilight Sparkle by making a lot of references to her whereabouts and even had Pinkie Pie sing "In the Land of Twilight (Under the Moon)" to create an urgency that would culminate in her confrontation in that chapter. So my question is, was it effective in that sense? Or did I lay it down too thick? Anyway, if you want to share your thoughts I'd appreciate it!

      [/SPOILER ALERT]

      -WD

      ReplyDelete
    131. Finally, some time to myself tonight...

      LOLNO THE EMPTY ROOM UPDATED, GET TO WORK ON THAT PDF, BITCH.

      -_-

      ReplyDelete
    132. That was...good....tho I don't really like the whole corrupt people everywhere thing that's goin on here.

      ReplyDelete
    133. Aww...first the Dad and now Spitfire? Confound you fanficcers, you drive me to hating characters I usually like.

      ReplyDelete
    134. [SPOILER]
      Spitfire. Of all ponies. SHE'S PART OF THAT CULT TOO?
      [/SPOILER]

      ReplyDelete
    135. Everypony: To paraphrase a B5 quote "nothing here is as it seems"
      To clear the air let me assure you all:
      1: I do not kill without a purpose
      2: Everypony in the story has their reasons for doing what they are doing
      3: Things will be explained in the story, it just won't happen on every chapter.
      4: While I will try to keep a certain level of comedy as an intrinsic part of the story, it is Grimdark for a reason!
      5: It *might* end on a happy note, but you'll have to read to find out!

      ReplyDelete
    136. I love the story!
      [SPOILER]
      Trixie will be replacing the element of magic, am i right :D ?
      [/SPOILER]

      ReplyDelete
    137. @Hellfish

      That's my guess too.

      ...

      UGH I'm supposed to be working on MY fanfic not reading others'

      ReplyDelete
    138. Right, okay, didn't like this latest chapter at all. Having the spirit-things for the mane cast showing up to help Luna in her struggle, but having Luna lose anyway? Not cool, man, not cool at all. That's just mean.

      ReplyDelete
    139. I saw all of chapter 7 coming :|

      Gimmie moar plz.

      MOAR D:

      ReplyDelete
    140. From where the story started to where it is now, I was not expecting all of this. It's certainly not a disappointment though. I canne wait for more to read.

      ReplyDelete
    141. @Wanderer D

      I'd love to help out with this, I love this story. :D

      You can just send me a rough draft and I'll read over it thoroughly, changing obvious mistakes and highlighting parts that I'm not entirely sure of or that I would advise changing (I MAY add an explanation to it in [square brackets], which you can just delete).

      I must warn you, though, that my proofreading may be TOO thorough. Sometimes I point out things that may be perfectly fine, but, better safe than sorry, no?

      Anyways, my email is gamedestroyer23@hotmail.com

      ReplyDelete
    142. Valmir_R0yalGuArdJuly 8, 2011 at 9:48 AM

      Hmm. Can anyone draw Twilight Spark? She sounds like a vampire lol, bad fucking ass if you ask me...

      and this is where Valiant Valmir would charge in with enchanted armor to tackle and do battle with Twilight Spark and Spitfire. Never go into battle without unexpected allies. GUAHAHAHA! but yes, I shoulda seen this coming. But I didn't. Great job man on a great story :)

      ReplyDelete
    143. @Valmir_R0yalGuArd

      I imagined her more like Juri from Street Fighter...

      "That felt good, didn't it?"

      ReplyDelete
    144. "It was only a matter of time." - Sargent Corde

      lol, I heard Fangs and pitch black mane and tail, along with dark hooves. I saw vampire, seemed stereotypical to me. But thats not as badass as the Boss in the Heroes Crypt in Dungeon Siege 3.

      "Soon, you and your pathetic friends will join your little heroes in death, and your soul will be trapped here..."

      "FOREVERRRR!" - Pinkie Pie :D

      lol, seriously though, hes a badass boss, a bit slow, but VERY powerful.

      nothing cooler than a 30 foot tall walking skeleton in full plate armor, carrying a claymore made of darkness. (which I got by beating him, its AWESOME.) Valmir shall prosper :)

      ReplyDelete
    145. I clicked the part 7 link SO HARD!

      ReplyDelete
    146. update update update update update update update update update update

      ReplyDelete
    147. I hope this fic get updated fast, because DAMN, you love way too much leaving us hanging. Plus WHA TTHE HAY!! Is everypony a member of the council of Nightmaer? First Twilight's dad, now Spitfire...Who next Prince BlueBlood? Octavia? Snips and Snails?

      ReplyDelete
    148. @Anonymous Actually... that's a very fair question to ask and I feel I should have cleared that up a bit better... there ARE several members, but no more than 6.

      ReplyDelete
    149. .... To many questions man. You're evil. At least you're putting out chapters at a decent pace. Hope we won't have to wait to long for the next one.

      ReplyDelete
    150. Yay! Twilight's back! Sure, she's an evil vampire goth lesbian, but thats close enough, right?

      ReplyDelete
    151. Yeah sure....given the trend, I am afraid what will happen to the mane 6.
      I hope it does not become WAY too grimdark...or at least we got some of the elements of harmony kicking back and noot just getting kicked...also I would love to see Derpy/Ditzy getting some action(personally i would like to see her droppong in a berserk mode after some evil guy do something to Dinky...nopony touch Derpy's muffin!)

      ReplyDelete
    152. @Anonymous Be patient, I'm willing to bet not all is at it seems at this point.

      ReplyDelete
    153. @Marrock

      Patience is not a quality of mine

      ReplyDelete
    154. >Nightmare Moon slowly stood up as Nightmare Flare stepped back to allow her some space. The dark alicorn opened her eyes and turned them towards the Elements of Harmony.
      -Huh... wait, what ?
      What happened with all the *we are currently winning 'inner-mumbo jumbo' stuff* ?
      Surely, even if she transformed, her mind must still be the one of Luna. Or, at the very least, partially in control, thanks to the remaining thoughts of the Elements of Harmony's bearers.
      That would be a better twist than ''Blarg ! I'ma back ! Now you musta defeat me too !'', ''also your the mean to help the Princessa is in another castle''...

      >She sighed. She had done so much to escape from the ghosts of her past.
      -And now she's a ghost... Bitterly ironic isn't it ?

      >But she had found it. And she would never let go.
      -I do hope so...

      -----

      ... Big Mac apparently likes to flirt with ghost, huh ? ...

      ... (also, I swear if the author just revived Twilight, just to have her die later just because : ''reviving the dead is wroooooong'', or something *cough* like that, there's gonna be *Boot to the Head* flying) ...

      ReplyDelete
    155. Just read everything so far in full and... well, wow. Suspense in its purest form. When the characters were sad, I could feel it. The plot twists were even planted so well that no amount of speculation could soften them.

      This is one of the best uses of that Grimdark tag I personally have ever read. I seriously cannot tell what's going to happen next. No rush for that next chapter, but dang. When you write this well, it's only natural!

      ReplyDelete
    156. Finished Twilight Spark:

      http://maximillianveers.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d3lgrfo

      ReplyDelete
    157. @Crimson Valor

      A-whoop. Seth used it to replace the Luna image.

      ReplyDelete
    158. That pic is just magical

      ReplyDelete
    159. @Crimson Valor What did I tell you? Juri. Plain and simple.

      Nice work, BTW.

      ReplyDelete
    160. @Wanderer D

      Hmm... so that leaves 4 members to root out...

      COMMENCE THE INVESTIGATION!

      *combs through the story in search of possible Chekhov's Gunmen*

      ReplyDelete
    161. @NotAGoodUsername360

      Hmm... alright, I've got a list of names:

      [POSSIBLE SPOILERS]




      -Glitter Horn
      -Lance
      -Wanderer D. Yes, YOU. Don't deny it!

      Also, I suspect Glitter Horn may be Celestia's filly.





      [END SPOILERS]


      I don't think you've introduced the two remaining members of the Council yet, have you?

      Also, you're lying about there only being six. You've clearly shown at the end of Chapter 3 that there are a total of SEVEN members of the cult: 6 followers and one leader. Although that leader may be The Guardian.

      Am I wrong?

      *smokes pipe*

      ReplyDelete
    162. @NotAGoodUsername360 I have consulted with my lawyer and she has advised me to neither confirm nor deny my involvement with this alleged "Nightmare Council" group of which you speak, although hypothetically speaking, if there's six of them it might be because one died, right? :) But then again, that is pure conjecture and not to be taken as the gospel truth.

      ReplyDelete
    163. @Wanderer D

      Mmm...

      Then answer me this one final question before I allow you to leave town:

      Where is the body of Twilight Sparkle?

      I will assume if you cannot answer this question in a straightforward way that my suspicions are correct and Celestia is a complete idiot.

      Though you may be pulling a Long Halloween by having the lack of a corpse be a red herring and a distraction from the real truth...

      Then sign this paper and you may leave the precinct. For now.

      ReplyDelete
    164. [Spoilers for new readers]

      @NotAGoodUsername360 According to witnesses, Twilight Sparkle was pretty much vaporized in a blast of magical fire that collapsed the side of Canterlot Castle in an attempt to defend Princess Celestia's interests. As such, she should be hailed as the heroine she is.

      [/Spoilers]

      ReplyDelete
    165. @Wanderer D

      ...

      Thank you. You are free to go.

      ...

      ...by the way, you are very good at being subtle when you want to. Thanks for proving some insight.

      ...you wouldn't happen to be, by any chance, a fan of the Ace Attorney games? You're reminding me very much of this one case...

      ...off the record, of course.

      ReplyDelete
    166. @NotAGoodUsername360

      Leave him alone and let him get back to work on Chapter 8 already!

      ReplyDelete
    167. @Anonymous

      But-... I-... justice-...

      Mmmph. Fine.

      *drops case*

      ...you win this round, Wanderer D. But I've got my eye on you... alllways watching you...

      ReplyDelete
    168. Wow this story just go super crazy. Started off like fic out there, then everyone turns evil.

      More crazy plot twists please!

      ReplyDelete
    169. @Sun Ray

      *knowing smile*

      Plot twists, you say? As an avid fan of plot twists, I've found several embedded in the story already. I think its safe to say your wish is already fulfilled...

      ReplyDelete
    170. please let nopony die!
      oh and i dont like spitfire being the baddie D:

      ReplyDelete
    171. Hey everypony! The eight chapter has been sent to the Great and Powerful Sethisto, and will be up when its turn comes up!

      In the meantime, I thought I'd answer some questions... lets see...

      @Nova25 The answer my friend is in the next chapter... in part. I can't just simply tell everypony what's happening! That would kill the suspense!

      And yes, Big Mac seems to like flirting with ghosts.

      @Captain Gamer Thank you! I am glad that you're enjoying it! Hope you like the next chapter too!

      @Crimson Valor That's because it is an awesome pic! Thank you so much!

      @NotAGoodUsername360 Afraid not... my only knowledge of the Ace Attorney series comes from little snippets from VGcats. I was told once though that I would make a great lawyer by a former judge. Does that count?

      @Sun Ray *Snaps fingers* granted.

      @Anonymous Um... ^_^' I promise they'll try really hard not to?

      @Marrock Indeed. There are hidden plots, returning characters including ones that NotAGoodUsername360 forgot to mention, and more! A drinking contest with Londo Mollari! A chess match with Lelouch! A sword fight with IƱigo Montoya! (okay, so maybe those three are exagerations, but you must admit that would be cool)

      @Drakengarde Got it right!

      @Click Clack Your post had me laughing for a while :) hope you like chapter 8.

      ReplyDelete
    172. Wow..Where'd you get that Evil Twilight Image anyways?

      ReplyDelete
    173. OH MAH CELESTIA EVIL TWILIGHT IS SO AWESOME

      ReplyDelete
    174. there is a saying on the internet for stuff like the ending of the 8th chapter...WHAT THE FU-*BOOM*

      ReplyDelete
    175. So, is evil just the "in" thing right now? Between all the betrayals, you'd think somepony would try to at least cast Detect Evil or something.

      ReplyDelete
    176. @ToonNinja

      Celestia: Failed perception check.
      Luna: Failed perception check.
      Twilight: Failed perception check.
      Rarity: Failed perception check.
      Pinkie: Failed perception check.
      AJ: Failed perception check.
      Dash: Failed perception check.
      Fluttershy: Failed perception check.
      Spitfite: Cast Magic Missile.

      ReplyDelete
    177. @ToonNinja I once cast Detect Evil in the Plane of Evil... my character's head imploded.

      ReplyDelete
    178. I'd just like to take a break from reading the excellent new chapter to point out something I'm particularly pleased with:
      "I see you couldn't care less."
      Thank you! So very many people use the wrong version, and that annoys me a very great deal.

      ReplyDelete
    179. There's a handful of fics on EqD that when they update I drop whatever it is I'm doing and read them. This is right at the top of that list.

      I remember when I randomly picked the first chapter to read; I was bored, it was new and it sounded interesting. I was utterly and completely hooked. Seven chapters later and it puts me on the edge of my seat. Every. Single. Time.

      It is just incredibly amazing and spectacular and any other related positive adjectives I can lump on it. I just know that when everything starts coming together I'm going to actively have to remember to breathe while I'm reading this.

      This story gets all of my 5 stars. All the time, every time.

      ReplyDelete
    180. I am so glad I wasn't drinking anything when I reached the end of the chapter. THAT…TWIST…WHAT?!
      I am greatly looking forward to the next update.

      ReplyDelete
    181. You know what evil Twilight needs?
      Death Metal. Lots and lots of Death Metal.
      Here's a fitting band:
      Swallow the Sun.

      That and meta-magic feats. Then she could cast Meteor Swarm and make it deal sonic damage.
      Make it rain LOUDNESS.

      ReplyDelete
    182. How is it possible that we went from a story about looking for a filly to saving the world?

      ReplyDelete
    183. I'll admit, I fell for Evil Twilight's trick in chapter 8 too. However, Twilight's sudden comeback into her normal self did give part of my brain a warning that something wasn't quite right.

      Now I'm wondering what's up with RD. It's like there are betrayals happening all over the place, or everyone is playing D&D and are secretly neutral or chaotic evil.

      ReplyDelete
    184. Add "comedic genious" to what I said about Twilight Spark earlier. I like a villain that knows how to push the hero's buttons while making the audience laugh about it. I just wish her picture (as absolutely awesome as it is) wasn't such a big spoiler.

      ReplyDelete
    185. It's so twisty it's twisted my stomach into a mandelbrot knot.

      ReplyDelete
    186. My God... Wanderer D... You have made a masterpiece! The Mona Lisa of Fanfics! You sir are a Picasso of the written word! Why do you write so well? Now I'm going to have to scrap my inadequate fanfic I was writing and start over... Again...

      ReplyDelete
    187. SPOILER

      Next twist is Twist coming to save Applejack ... a Twist within a twist. no one will see it coming.

      ReplyDelete
    188. Loooove this! It's so edgy and intense! I can't wait to see where the story is going, especially now that it's getting fairly complicated. :)

      ReplyDelete