Description: Twilight Sparkle discovers a spell that allows her and her friends to relive the lives of their ancestors. What starts off as an educational experience, however, quickly turns into a terrible tale that imparts to them many truths of the time before Celestia's reign, as well as what it exactly means to bear the Elements of Harmony.Added a Page Break! All chapters are below!
Memories of Days Long Past
Memories of Days Long Past Session 1
Memories of Days Long Past Session 2
Memories of Days Long Past Session 3
Memories of Days Long Past Session 4
Memories of Days Long Past Intermission 1
Memories of Days Long Past Session 5
Memories of Days Long Past Session 6
Memories of Days Long Past Session 7
Memories of Days Long Past Session 8
Memories of Days Long Past Session 8.5
Memories of Days Long Past Session 9
Memories of Days Long Past Session 10
Memories of Days Long Past Session 11
Memories of Days Long Past Intermission 2
Memories of Days Long Past Intermission 3
Memories of Days Long Past Session 12
Memories of Days Long Past Session 13
Memories of Days Long Past Session 14
Memories of Days Long Past Session 15
Memories of Days Long Past Session 16
Memories of Days Long Past Session 17
Memories of Days Long Past Session 18
Memories of Days Long Past Session 18.5
Memories of Days Long Past Intermission 4
Memories of Days Long Past Session 19
Memories of Days Long Past Session 20
Memories of Days Long Past Session 21
Memories of Days Long Past Session 22
Memories of Days Long Past Session 23
Memories of Days Long Past Session 24
Memories of Days Long Past Session Final (New!)
Additional Tags: Violence, Long, Origin Story
E-Book (Untested!)
638 comments:
I take back the last comment, because guess what?
ReplyDeleteIts not null nor void, Its still a maybe.
Gah, after two days of reading to catch up...
ReplyDeleteI NEED MOAR!
Cant wait for the next part, I think you got one more steady reader following you now.
The end there tho, Discord?
Whoa, I wonder just what's going on here? The final session into the past ends with everypony starting out on a journey, with so many questions left unanswered? And on top of that, there's that interesting monologue...Just what's gonna happen next, I wonder?
ReplyDeleteMFW The last few paragraphs
ReplyDeleteTHE PLOT THICKENS
By the way, don't consider your story null and void! Nowhere in HWE was it mentioned when exactly Celestia, Luna, or Discord take their powers. Are you engineering around this? Writers, especially fanfic writers, also need to learn to engineer. I've been reading this story since smack mid summer and waiting patiently and enjoying each chapter.
Finish this good!
"I have my own reasons for being interested in Deneb."
ReplyDeleteI'm calling it, Deneb is Ares' son. Or brother. Or lover. Or something.
Yes, let's go with that. Deneb is definitely Ares' something.
Whew. I'm going to be brutal here: this chapter needed editing. Not just grammar and spell checking, but honest-to-Celestia editing for pacing and flow. Part of this may be because I've lost my former familiarity with your writing style, so I'm seeing it with fresh eyes. Part of it is certainly because I'm editing Night's Favored Child, which has sensitized me to some of these issues.
The meal with Ares and the scene with Lycoris have the kind of pacing I call "wonky". It's either too slow, getting bogged down when it should keep the momentum high as it transitions into another scene, or it's too fast and there's a sense of inexplicable urgency, like it's rushing through a scene that I'd rather relax and enjoy.
It seems to me that you have a habit of over-dialoguing. It makes the text feel boggy and patronizing. 'Less is more', as they say. Take for instance this scene:
Lycoris randomly stopped and threw open a door, trotting nonchalantly inside of it. “Yeah, like this room.” He glanced around at the interior, it was one of the castle’s many storage rooms, this one storing sheets and linens. “You coming?”
Lily hesitated for a moment before she trotted in after him. “U-um…”
Slam.
“Eek!!” The pegasus jumped at the sudden sound, turning back to see that the door had shut itself closed. “H-hey… w-what’s going on…?”
“Obviously I shut the door,” Lycoris stated simply, a few specks of magic flickering off his horn.
“H-how…”
“Oh, I guess you haven’t seen me use magic,” Lycoris frowned. “I’m not supposed to at all, but I think I let my guard down earlier around Midnight. But yeah, I shut that door with my magic, not really that big of a deal.”
“N-no!” Lily shook her head. “How come you shut the door like that?”
“Didn’t I already tell you?” Lycoris asked. “I needed someplace private. If that door was still open then that would make this a public place, which completely goes against what I was looking for in the first place.”
Lily shrunk back a little. “W-well… I suppose… but—eek!” Lycoris suddenly shoved his flank in front of Lily’s face, causing the yellow pegasus to fall over in confusion and embarrassment. “W-what are you doing?!”
People don't speak like that in real life; it feels unnatural. By replacing dialogue with actions implying the speaker's thoughts, you can more subtly and concisely convey their thoughts:
Lycoris stopped apparently at random and threw open a door to one of the castle's many storage rooms, this one holding neat stacks of sheets and linen. He glanced around at the interior, gave a satisfied nod, and glanced over his shoulder at the pegasus. “Coming?”
Lily hesitated for a moment, then trotted after him.
Slam!
She jumped and spun around as the door slammed itself, then looked back to Lycoris. A few sparks of magic still flickered along his horn, holding the door closed.
“What is this about?” she demanded, her though her voice squeaked on the last word.
“As I said: we need privacy. Now look closely, please.” The unicorn suddenly turned around, presenting his flank with such an expectant expression that Lily recoiled with a shriek and threw her hooves up in front of her face. “What are you doing?!”
Also, the gag with Lycoris's butt felt forced right from the start, as if he has no idea why shoving your ass in someone's face could be misconstrued, and it was belabored far beyond any chance at humor. Sorry.
(con't)
The fight between Ares and Lycoris is also extremely wordy, which makes them both seem overly aggressive for strangers.
ReplyDelete"All of these ponies are so fake. All these false pretenses of love and adoration don’t do anything but piss me off."
And we're suddenly in first person, for some reason. No idea whose point of view we're in. You probably should have identified that by now. Is this what the Mane Six are experiencing, all the sudden? Or are we abruptly party to memories they're not seeing?
Also, it's traditional to indicate a character's internal monologue using italics. e.g.,
“I love you big sister.” How sickening. “Be safe, everypony.” Disgusting. “I’ll miss you.”
Still, an intriguing cliffhanger.
By the way... "anyways" is not a word. Use "anyway" unless you're directly quoting someone and deliberately showing the speaker to be uneducated.
Haven’t read this story in quite a while... I remember the big details, I think. Let’s see if the fate of the Princesses and the Main Cast is still ‘THAT’ grim, and depressing, and not very engaging...
ReplyDeleteAlso, blablabla, etc... Alternative Reality(ies) or something.
-----
CH.25 :
>Lily took one last sip from her juice box
-Using that ‘’meme’’, I see ?
>“W-why are you asking me to do something like that?!”
>“Because I need you to see it,” Lycoris answered, shoving his flanks closer towards Lily’s face
>“A-and I don’t think I like you that way!!”
>Lycoris ruffled his brow in confusion. “What are you talking about?
-Sorry, but... This just seem like some weak kind of humour, honestly ?
I mean, really... *He shoves his butt in her face and ‘’ask’’ (with insistence) her to have a good look at it*, with no previous word, no explanations, nothing other than ‘’doing/ordering it’’ (AND after rushing her in a closed room, all alone)... and then he looks all surprised and apparently has NO clue why she’s ‘’hesitant’’ ? Seriously ?
It doesn’t really look normal/natural in the story.
>Lily wasn’t sure why, but for some reason she was afraid to impart the contents of that conversation she held with Lycoris.
-Pinky Pie once said : ‘’Secrets and lies, it’s all secrets and lies with these ponies!’’.
...well... Apparently this makes up for the base (or rather, most) of this story, so far, it would seem ?
I mean, after 25 chapters of ‘secrets’, ‘lies’, ‘distrust’, ‘hidding stuff’, ‘being cryptic stuff’, ‘sneaky stuff’, well... I don’t know.
I have the ‘’feeling’’ of ‘getting too much of the same thing’, especially when ‘all and everything’ aim toward a (seemingly) predetermined depressing fate (generally speaking)... an example might make what I’m saying a bit clearer : It’s like one of those old bar in movies, with the smoke saturated air... It needs some oxygen, to open a door for some fresh air, if you see what I mean ?
In fact, I think ‘’saturated’’ is the perfect word I was searching for. Something in the story has saturated, and this ‘something’ need something else different to lower its concentration, before anymore of ‘It’ can be added again. (Hopefully, I wasn’t too confusing)
>I won’t have to be bored anymore.
>The destruction of friendship.
-...huh, Discord ?
But, in any case, the line : >“Realize your purpose, my greatest creation.”< : Confuse me, I must say ?
I'm very happy to see that this wasn't left to die. That ending was unexpected, but it leads me to believe many things now. Can't wait for Part 2 of the story!
ReplyDeleteThat ending was a great hook
ReplyDeleteIf the rest of this story is us getting exposted at, I will be very upset.
ReplyDeleteIf the rest gets told in that weird shared dream thing and thus does not "count" as a session, I will call shenanegans on the FINAL label, and also still complain that the session should have ended with something dramatic. Instead it just sort of dribbled off and ended for no clear reason, which made it feel like the author just got bored and wandeed away.
Somepony tell me this is still being updated, or there's a sequel somewhere, or SOMETHING?! x_X
ReplyDeleteGOOD GOD!
ReplyDeleteAbout time!
Now I gotta back track a bit and THEN read the final bit.
Thanks for updating anyway!
been following this since it started!
@Alan Quirino
ReplyDelete@Croaky
It's still Incomplete.
@LordOfTheWrongs
ReplyDeleteOh, that's quite obvious from the way it ended. But since it says "Final" Session, I figured it was sort of like a multi-book series. So it's more of a wonder if it will be updated in this same page, or under a different name.
Great story. Also for any of you who downloaded the ebook. Google Mobipocket you can apparently that that ebook format and modify it into a much more widely used format. I know that the .epub version doesn't work on Kindles. Yet Mobipocket's .prc does. So for those of you with Kindles or Kindle readers installed this is something you can do. Also I highly suggest that if anyone makes any ebooks of any other pony fics to offer it in a couple of different formats.
ReplyDeleteLordOfTheWrongs: please contact me at [email protected] plz
ReplyDeletelolkthx
@LordOfTheWrongs And maybe hitting reply instead of just typing out a name would speed things up. idk.
ReplyDelete@nukeiffum
ReplyDeleteI've got an automatically generated, and as far as I've read so far working version of this as an ebook at here. (Also 919 other ebooks...)
Also, excellent so far! :D
@nukeiffum
ReplyDeleteHowdy there nukeiffum.
I was wondering about the state of this story. I've thoroughly enjoyed it, but I'm wondering if you're planning to continue it. I started reading it early summer and have followed it closely as you've written more. I would just like to know if I should be paying close attention for updates or if I should just accept that this is all there is. It's my favorite of all the fics on EqD aside from "The Lingering Nightmare", so I'm very eager to hear your response.
-twinkiepinkie
P.S. If you want to email me, my email is [email protected]
@nukeiffum
ReplyDeleteI read through the whole thing in two days. You are an amazing writer, and I'd love to read more of your work.
I'd also like to read what happens next in this fascinating story. You almost lost me in the middle, but the hook at the end got me back in. Consider me a fan!
This story is pretty decent. Needs tons of editing though. And for being over 20 chapters long I don't feel like enough has been revealed to really draw me in the way a story like this should. You seem, instead, to favour repeatedly hinting at the same secrets again and again in every chapter. I suppose you're building up to some big revelation but since the story is so long already find myself skimming it, since it's mostly repetitive anyway.
ReplyDeleteI loved the Nightmare Moon dream sequence though. I felt that had a lot of emotion, especially with the way you've built up Luna's character.
I'm also glad to find that in the later chapters there's less shifting tense between past and present.
Anyway, that's just my critique, since I feel like I shouldn't rate a story without leaving a comment.
Amethyst and Luna playing cupcake war was one of the cutest scenes from mlp fics ever
ReplyDeleteI really want this fic to be finished soon, the suspense is really killing me.
ReplyDeleteis there a sequel? I just read the whole thing and I'm hoping for more
ReplyDeleteJust emailed the author, but I'll ask here as well: Please continue it...
ReplyDelete@nallar did you get a response from the author??
ReplyDelete@insomniapony
ReplyDeleteNo. D:
Has anyone heard anything from the writer? Or is this fic dead?
ReplyDelete@JoeyH Apparently nopony has heard from him ever since
ReplyDeleteNo actually nobody has heard a thing
It might be possible he will make another one after this but it looks like he dropped it
Quite a shame
12/21/2011
ReplyDelete- Was the last time I came here.
He cut it short or something?
ReplyDeleteStill waiting for FimFiction version. Assuming the author isn't dead or something...
ReplyDeleteI came here about 4 months ago and I think I have to assume the author died or lost his connection to the internet FOREVER
ReplyDelete@insomniaponyI really hope this aurtor isn't dead! I love this story!
ReplyDeleteis these finished or not
ReplyDeleteAlmost a year since last update: Still waiting patiently.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteStill waiting... Author will surely deliver..
ReplyDeletei.imgur.com/1k0irPs.jpg