• Luna in Socks Reviews: Dark Souls II

    Greetings Subjects! As part of our reintroduction into thy modern society, sister has demanded convinced us to take part in this "fandom" thing that has appeared. While searches for our name on the googler have popped up with.... somewhat disturbing results, it is your princesses wish to make the people of both Equestria and Earth celebrate her glorious night, regardless of how they choose to depict us and our fellow equines in their creations.

    And so, we have donned these "socks" you seem so obsessed with for a second time, and taken a recommendation from Cele on one of these video games you tend to draw us taking part in. According to her, this is a highly acclaimed entry level "manly" adventure that celebrates all things night! Sister always knows how to please.

    And so, loyal subjects, we venture forth and have "fun" in Dark Souls II! Huzzah!

    What beautiful scenery. Tis a spitting image of our favorite grotto as a filly. We had a swing set that sister would push us on for hours hanging off a hallowed out tree just like that one!

    Thy Princess HATH ARRIVED!

    Oh? Is it another one of these games starring the hyoomans from before? Doth thou race not create games starring equines yet? Tis' a missed opportunity that could greatly further diplomacy between our two worlds.

    Regardless, as the lunar defender of Canterlot, we feel it is our duty to take up the title of warrior.

    Ahh, how cozy! Sister was right! Tis the perfect game. Sitting around a camp fire under my glorious night should be a past time everypony celebrates. I see why they like this so much!

    Oh? What's this? The foolish human thinks he can fire arrows at the moon? Does he not know who he is dealing with?

    Hah! A simple challenge! One would think the creators would be more inclined to entertain their princess, not put her to sleep!

    As if a pony of our age would fall for somepony hiding in a pit. This foal truly believes he can get the jump on us? He shall be jumped on in response!

    HUZZAH! Enemy Defea... er what? Another?


    What is this? Why hath our character been defiled so? Is this a glitch? Did the archer do this to us? Where is Cele?

    Tis' revenge good sir. Don't take it personally.

    WHAT? What are those?! Why are we being accosted by gigantic warts? Was this not supposed to be a peaceful land? A celebration of our glorious night?

    Somepony needs to learn a thing or two about difficulty curves.

    Perhaps thy princess hath ventured into an area she was not meant to be this early. Let us skip this place and continue forth.

    These messages... Did Celestia leave them for us? "Danger ahead?" "Good luck?" "Incoming Pain?" "Amazing Chest Ahead?". These make absolutely no sense!

    Huzzah! Now this is what we were expecting! So serene, So peaceful. Consider thy princess more than pleased.

    Oh, what is this? The "Company of Champions?" Of course we will join your club. What nobler path than to defend the innocent as a champion for good?

    How adorable! These tiny piglets are almost like chubby versions of our very own Tiberius! Come pets, join the moon!

    Why are they so aggressive? Why do they bite us so? Is nothing here safe? Tis the safe hub area tis it not? Run my little human, run!

    What? What fool would place a giant hole in the middle of a city without any proper protection? Where were the hoof rails? Who designed this awful area? Where are the regulations?

    Perhaps it would be best to move on... Though thy messages are not amusing Sister...

    A supposedly peaceful forest... perhaps we have finally found someplace less tumultuous?

    Thy princess is not amused.

    How does anypony expect to win a fight while so outnumbered? Did they not test this game? Doth thou not realize that these creatures harm us for the majority of our hitpoints with every swing?

    Mayhaps we should avoid combat for the time being. Surely there is a better way to proceed than violence with the locals.

    Of course these fiends would chase us up a ladder. Why would we ever expect nothing less?

    Surrounded? Doth this world not have anywhere without a swarm of tinheaded mongrels? Who designed this monstrosity?

    Mayhaps the castle nearby would provide refuge? Surely somepony in this world is friendly? Do they not recognize their princess?

    AGAIN? Wilt thou not attackest me? This is an absolute OUTRAGE. Throwing firebombs at thy visitors? Doth thou not have common decency in these lands? Celestia? Where is CELESTIA?


    (Sethisto note: Princess Luna seems to have stormed off. I think we can give this game a solid toohardformoon/10.)