• The Great and Powerful Trixie Reviews: Super Manly Protein Powder

    Greetings my adoring fans! It is I, the Great and Powerful Trixie! With a certain website looking to possibly replace Trixie, it would appear that the time is perfect for a pony of my caliber to come out and grace you all with her benevolent presence. Why, I do believe my under-representation here may have a negative impact on this little fandom of yours. How could anypony function without at least a few hours of my amazing magic daily to entertain? What else could they possible do that would outrank The Great and Powerful Trixie?

    Of course, you aren't here just for Trixies show of power are you? You are here to learn about this protein shake thingy so you can be big and buff when Trixie contracts you to move her stage equipment around! We can't have weak little monkeys shifting heavy loads now can we?

    Now go get The Greatest and Most in depth review on Protein thingy below! Bask in Trixie!

    Trixie will be honest, she isn't a huge fan of chocolate. In fact, a pony with as complex taste buds as I would usually prefer flavors far more advanced than what your average protein powdery stuff would usually have available. This has caused somewhat of a rift in Trixie's review. But fear not good reader! Anything is possible when you are as wonderful as I!

    When I was a little filly, everypony would constantly bother Trixie for advice on things. "Trixie, I can't gather up the courage to ask Lyra to the Gala!" they'd whine, or "Trixie, my hooves are so dry! What is that amazing moisturizer you use to keep yours so soft and supple?" There were days where I'd have to use my amazing magic to sneak around invisible or be bombarded by obnoxious ponies wanting things from Trixie. I even had ponies offering fruit at one point! As if Trixie is unable to afford a common tomato!

    Fortunately, all these years of experience have made Trixie an expert reviewer and advice giver. This mare right here once traveled all the way to Neighpon to teach a class full of unicorns with broken horns how to use magic even though their doctors said they would never cast a spell again! Trixie couldn't even speak their language for three days. Of course, my amazing brain quickly picked it up, but imagine the challenge of not being able to communicate even if it only lasted three days?  Trixie has always done amazing things. Trixie's IQ rivals exceeds Starswirl himself after all!

    And while we are on the topic of great ancient unicorns, Trixie recently commissioned an artist/psychic combo to draw Trixie's "true form". This is what she came up with. Surely Celestia made a mistake in choosing that booknerd Twilight Sparkle as the princess of Friendship? Trixie has hundreds millions of loyal admirers who are much more reliable than "Friends". Why, if Trixie was stuck in the desert with a group of ponies, all of them would immediately throw down their canteens and sacrifice everything to keep Trixie hydrated and traveling Equestria spreading her amazing magic.

    Anyway, back on topic. But first, did Trixie ever tell you about the time her benevolence cost her an apprentice position with Luna?  The princess of the moon herself nodded to Trixie during the Lunar Festival, tilting her wings in just a way that clearly meant she was summoning Trixie for a job offer. But Trixie knew another, less talented unicorn would have benefited much more, and decided to turn her down. And ponies say Trixie is selfish! Hah!

    Unfortunately, it looks like Trixie is out of time. Hopefully you learned something from my more than inspirational speech. You know Trixie usually charges for that don't you? Luckily the Generous and already successful mare that I am will let it slide this time.

    As for proteiny stuff, ponies don't really need that. Trixie hopes you find what you are looking for anyway though.