• Story: Wooly Fetlocks and the Fashion Factory (Update 9!)


    [Normal] [Crossover] [Comedy] [Shipping]

    Author: Pen Pal
    Description: 
    Wooly Fetlocks, the legendary fashion designer, has finally returned from his mysterious sabbatical. His wondrous and beautiful fashions flow to the far reaches of Equestria once more. Of particular interest are his affordable designer socks, of which five packages contain golden tickets which will allow the bearer entry to the hidden world of Fetlocks' factory. Luna is deeply enamored with Fetlocks' socks, and actively seeks a ticket. Will Luna acquire a golden ticket? Will she win Fetlocks' secret prize? What mysteries await inside of Fetlocks' Factory?

    Wooly Fetlocks and the Fashion Factory: Prologue
    Wooly Fetlocks and the Fashion Factory: Chapter 1
    Wooly Fetlocks and the Fashion Factory: Chapter 2
    Wooly Fetlocks and the Fashion Factory: Chapter 3
    Wooly Fetlocks and the Fashion Factory: Chapter 4
    Wooly Fetlocks and the Fashion Factory: Chapter 5
    Wooly Fetlocks and the Fashion Factory: Chapter 6
    Wooly Fetlocks and the Fashion Factory: Chapter 7
    Wooly Fetlocks and the Fashion Factory: Chapter 8

    Wooly Fetlocks and the Fashion Factory: Interlude - Luna Celly Flashback Time!
    Wooly Fetlocks and the Fashion Factory: Nightmare Night Interlude
    Wooly Fetlocks and the Fashion Factory: Chapter 9 (New!)

    Additional Tags: Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory Crossover

    106 comments:

    1. o.o

      FINALLLYY!!!!

      EHEEHEHEHEHHE *explodes*

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    2. this is just such an awesome premise i think im going to explode.

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    3. this seems interesting, whats next for rohl dahl crossovers? fantastic mr horse?

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    4. I burst out laughing when I realized what this is!

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    5. XD There is no way that ANY TRUE Brony can pass over reading a crossover of MLP and WW! One is THERE! 8D

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    6. This premise is so completely off the wall...

      I kinda want some one to catch me reading this is public so I can explain to them what I'm reading.

      "Oh it's My Little Pony fanfiction. Hey, why are you giving me that look? I mean, this is about Princess Luna, see she loves socks and looks really cute in them. And there is this Willy Wonka crossover...."

      I'm pretty sure 99% of the population would think you were making it up on the spot.

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    7. If this doesn't have pony versions of oompa loompas i am disappoint.

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    8. Oh oh oh, and songs pony versions of their songs.

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    9. Willy Wonka + MLP?!?

      Finally a MLP crossover where I've watched both items multiple times!

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    10. This idea is just fantastic. I can't wait to see what happens inside the factory!

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    11. You changed the photo! ;_;
      But its pinkie pie so its ok

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    12. Beware of Mr. Buttons!

      I just love Luna when she's written this way; as playful as Celestia, as adorable as Fluttershy, as honest as Applejack, and as geeky as Twilight. She's got traits from the rest of the mane six too, and she's just so darn cute!

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    13. AWSOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    14. I fear Mr. Buttons.
      Luna is played by the part of Charlie right. Because this is actually a funny idea too.

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    15. I love that I just got off the phone with the artist and he was all flustered.

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    16. See!!! /)^ɛ^(\

      The socks! Will Last! FOREVER!!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!

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    17. who remembers seeing someone else say, when they saw that pinkie pie picture in a previous drawfriend: "make this crossover happen. NOW!!"

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    18. Could have been a slapped together crossover but you but heart into it, well done.

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    19. Prologue :

      >Has Wooly Fetlocks finally returned?
      -*Check the header picture* Hmmm... Let me guess... This most peculiar fellow is one of Pinky Pie's ancestors ? :)

      CH.1 :

      >“You-you-you ha-have bedmane!” she managed to say before being thrown into another fit of laughter.
      -Relatively funny, yes : http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Jq4ytwute3I/TjyIySbzlZI/AAAAAAAAJ5Q/qTrNP9Euen4/s1600/41847+-+artist+SonicRainboom93+bed_hair+bed_mane+luna+not_finished+not_finished_becase_the_artist_is_a_lazy_ass.png

      >“Oh my gosh! His fashion factory has an entire wing dedicated to socks!?” Luna squealed in delight.
      -*GASP !* ~Yay~ :)
      Also : Hurray for dear 'ol 'Abacus' reference.

      >“Mr. Buttons doesn’t scare me anymore Luna,” Celestia said evenly.
      -Celestia has a ''sock-puppet phobia'' ? (I wonder if there's a name for that ? Probably. There's a phobia for everything, after all.)

      >the Gryffins and the Dragons
      -With an 'y' replacing the first 'i' ? Well... that word can be written in like 12 different ways, apparently ?

      >Luna blushed. “Well...I did get some help from Abby on that one.” >Celestia struggled not to facehoof.
      -Those bits of humor are always good fun. :)


      ... Well, so far it's quite interesting, I must say. Good amount of sock-related humor. Also... ''GO MR.BUTTON ! Attack ! :D ...

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    20. I like the contrast. I'm going by the first movie here (Though I have read the book) but it seems like the story is trying to do the opposite of what the original movie did. The main star IS a lonely person, but they're a princess. And the people receiving the tickets aren't complete terrors of children but good natured ponies that have had a rough day (Or several days in Trixie's case).

      I wonder if at the end of this, Trixie will write a book about what happened in the factory and become a writer. Heh.

      I do kind of think Trixie should be referring to herself in third person though.

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    21. Chapter 2: Rarity wins the ticket as a gift. I don't know how but Rarity is going to tell her friends about it

      Chapter 3: The Doctor shows up and Trixie gets a ticket.

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    22. Bout damn time trixie got a break from all the abuse and humiliation.

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    23. I like how instead of having the normal third person Trixie you have the kind past-the-great-and-powerful-phase Trixie.

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    24. Fashion factory? I was a bit dubious, but rolled with it. Celestia and Luna are super funny, Rarity is in-character and Trixie's section is the best of the lot, as this Trixie is sympathetic.

      More? :-D

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    25. I'm rather glad this isn't a simple rehashing of the novel/movie, but an actual original spin while still hewing close to the source material. Trixie's post made a lump in my throat, as I like hr more than some of the Mane cast. Keep up the great work!

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    26. Having not read chapter 4 yet, I'm still debating over who plays the role of Charlie.
      And then it hit me.
      Luna, Rarity, AND Trixie have elements of Charlie.

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    27. Uh... You've got THREE characters (out of four so far) who aren't utter gits. I don't know who to root for...
      And just how wacky can you make a fashion factory anyway? I'm intrigued, but concerned about this continuing to work...

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    28. *sigh* Well... I was kinda hoping we wouldn't have any characters just like the kids in the actual book/movie.

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    29. Pony - wony - derpity doo
      I want to read another chapter or two
      Pony - wony - derpity dee
      We're lucky to get to read this for free

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    30. ^OH MY GAWD. IDENTICAL DERPY TRIBE. THIS MUST HAPPEN.

      "I found the Derpys all scattered across Equestria. They wanted to stay together, but no-one would take them in - their eyes were too weird and their Derpmind scared people. So I invited them to stay with me."

      Chapter 4: Diamond Tiara as Veruca? *nods* Had hoped for another more original intro, but I suppose this works.

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    31. Hey everypony! Sorry about not responding to the comments before but...I must admit to having been a little shy before; this is only my second story (My first was a terrible 48 blitz for the Happy Luna Fanfiction Competition; and apparently I still have a penchant for parentheses).
      I appreciate your comments; they help motivate me to keep writing! Every artist likes to know their work is noticed, after all!
      Also, yes, that is Diamond Tiara as Veruca Salt. She was originally going to be Silver Spoon; but between Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara, Diamond was the more assertive of the two. The similarities between Veruca and Silver/Diamond were too good to pass up.
      Thank you again everypony! Chapter Five is on the way!

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    32. Diamond Tiara got the ticket. I would have known that it would be her. Anyways the winners right now are Trixie,Tiara,Rarity, who else is going to win.

      Also give the paint to Pinkie Pie, she would use it to do a party.

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    33. Wow, poor guy, having to sacrifice his livelihood for a ticket!

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    34. And with that chapter, we now know who the 5 lucky contestants are.....

      Rarity, Trixie, Tiara, Big Mac, and Luna (She obviously gets the last ticker...)

      And out of those 5 only one of them is a brat. The rest have a rough day. Rarity with her nearly getting mauled over a sock, Trixie was the saddest one with her being so poor, and Big Mac has his love for Luna.

      And I just noticed the people who won the tickets in order represented the original order the kids got the tickets, with the exception of Rarity. Trixie is Violet, Tiara is Veruca, Big Mac is Mike with the smartness, and Luna is part Charlie.

      Can't wait until the next chapter comes out.....

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    35. ...you know, I just realized something...

      If this really dos follow "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" at all closely... then it might get kind of hard to continue reading it.

      I mean, think about the kind of body horror that was actually involved in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. One kid was sucked into the fudge maker and got turned into living fudge, which has horrible implications given things like how candy melts in the sun and fudge gets moldy and stuff like that...

      One kid was inflated into a living, giant blueberry which is seriously horrifying and also spawned perhaps one of the worst fetishes going around the internet.

      One kid went down a garbage chute. That's not so bad really.

      And the last kid went into a taffy puller which stretched him out into a 6 foot tall, nigh 2 dimensional... noodle thing. I mean... that's freaking creepy...

      So now that we remember that, and consider that this story is following similar beats... what's going to happen when we actually get INSIDE the fashion factory? It wouldn't be a Willy Wonka crossover if weird shit didn't happen. I'm pretty sure weird shit is all but REQUIRED to happen to the characters but... how much do we want to see that? Especially when it's not candy, but FASHION that they're dealing with?




      I mean, I don't know what to expect, but remembering that nobody ever actually died in Willy Wonka and just had weird shit happen to them, suddenly these images are going through my head:

      Ponies stretching out like a noodle, looping around and around, and becoming a living ball of yarn...

      Being turned into sentient clothing, fully aware, in an "and I must Scream" sort of scenario...

      Weird things happening to their coats like going completely bald of fur and mane or turning crazy colors or ending up in crazy hairstyles, or having their fur and manes/tails start growing at super accelerated rates...

      Getting permanently trapped in a giant sock...

      Getting stitched somehow into a long roll of cloth... now THERE's an image O_o

      Getting turned into living plush toys of themselves... either "and I must scream" or fully capable of motion, bodily function, and communication, either would work...

      ...And effectively having lousy clothes getting permanently stitched and attached to their bodies.




      I of course can't be positive what's going to happen but at this point suddenly I'm starting to say "not sure if I want." I know I wouldn't want to see horrible stuff happen to Rarity, Big Macintosh, or Luna. The way this fic is characterizing Trixie makes her far more sympathetic and I'm not sure I want to see anything happen to her... The only one I might not mind seeing anything happen to is Diamond Tiara. At the same time though, now that I've thought this up... I can't help but have a real morbid curiosity here...

      Call me suddenly a little nervous, but still interested... I just hope this doesn't get TOO body-horrific...

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    36. Man, just from the rate this gets updated makes me want to read it(love seeing commitment in story writers)

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    37. Big Mac your love will be denied, love somepony else like Flutter… oh wait a minute he bought socks and won the contest. That is all that matters.

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    38. WOOHOO! *is a HUGE fan of LunaTosh* Oh wait... There's no shipping tag, which means... ~NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!~

      Now I'm depressed... *Was REALLY looking forward to shipping*

      ~ Magical Trevor

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    39. ♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪

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    40. @Hanzo of the Salamander

      Um, hi. Not to be rude or anything, but, I think I've seen you roaming around FiM fiction... Meta Knight, right?

      Listen, I don't mean to come across as impolite, but... don't you think it's kind of rude to copy and paste that single comment onto every fanfic? It seems to imply that you feel isn't worth your time to come up with a good or unique comment on the fanfictions you read and instead just mindlessly post this single comment. It's, well, it's a little degrading. Like implying that all of it is just the same boring slog so you might as well post the same copy/paste comment.

      Perhaps I'm reading too much into your intentions, but would it not benefit both you and the authors you read to come up with unique, genuine comments and criticisms for every story? It would certainly be a lot more personal and friendly than just bot-like comments like this.

      Anyway, yeah... just saying.

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    41. @Dusty the Royal Janitor

      I feel the need to further clarify this point.

      I'm not saying that the body horror stuff that might be involved is what's worrisome here. The problem is who it might be happening to. Like I said, everybody likes Rarity and Big Macintosh, and somehow I think people like this version of Trixie. The only pony we don't like here is Diamond Tiara.

      Actually, after making that comment, I looked back on it and thought, you know, it'd actually be really neat to see some of those things. I think my favorites were the noodle-stretch-into-giant-living-ball-of-yarn that would have been akin to Violet, turning into an animated, fully mobile, fully functional living plushie, which would ring true of Agustus Gloot in this case, and getting cursed with a super-fast endlessly growing mane, tail, and coat... which has less in the way of a parallel here.

      That being said, my point is, think about Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory. Let's say, hypothetically, that all of the kids that went to the chocolate factory were nice, well behaved, charming kids like Charlie. Would we have been at all accepting of the quite honestly horrific punishments they would have gotten? No. We probably would have gotten a little upset with what was happening to these kids. We would have seen it as overly cruel for the situation given rather than a karmic justice.

      True, assuming they were good children they probably shouldn't get into much trouble, but hey, even Charlie had that bit with the fizzy lifting juice. So Good kids can make dumb mistakes at times, but they don't deserve the Spectre's wrath for it.

      (Sorry. reference to an obscure DC Comics entity there)

      I'm just saying, be careful how you have this play out once you get into the factory. Because it'll honestly be very off putting and jarring to see nice, good characters end up in horrible situations like that.

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    42. CH.2 :

      >As the Element of Generosity, greed was her exact opposite...its very presence made her soul shiver; though later she would admit to ocassionally being consumed with her opposite.
      -Representing a 'value' DOESN'T mean that you MUST be that value, blindly at a pure 100%, 24H/day, 365days/year... It simply means that you have a much stronger tendency toward this value than the common person/pony.

      ... Huh, ok ? Felt like it was a little short, but it was good ...

      CH.3 :

      >Everypony was staring at her. Some of them were muttering...
      -Ok now... With the number of stories I read (that were about her), almost every single of them had Trixie being disliked and/or hated by the ENTIRE COUNTRY ! This isn't logic.

      I mean, seriously ? Even if an 'Ursa Minor' is a significant event, it happened in Ponyville... they see stuff like that more often than any other city, most probably... also, why would they(ponies from Ponyville, or news from there) be especially inclined to go to every cities in the country to bad-mouth about her ? And, why EVERY cities and (apparently ?) every significant ponies now HATE her with a passion (to various degrees), like she was some kind of monster for telling *A* lie, and denying her work, and throwing stuff at her and etc ? She's also not directly responsible for the 'Ursa', being the 2 ''clowns' fault'' (Snips&Snail) for dragging it to the town (a detail apparently skipped by many people). And finally, she's a ''wandering troubadour'', a SHOW-pony, it's not like ''exaggerating the truth'' or making ''good looking stories'' was something that those kinds of people/ponies never do... Unless she's the ONLY show-pony in the world, which I doubt a lot.

      ... I know, I know, not the (ideal) place for that, but it's getting annoying after the 20th+ story, you know ? ...

      >and the Dungeons and Demons game store.
      -Heh. Could also have been Dungeons&Ursas (or Hydras... they are the 'other' big creatures of this world) ;). Mmh... maybe the 'Ursa Major' would be their equivalent of the MIGHTY *Tarasque*.

      >she enjoyed the companionship other mares.
      -''of other'' (small error)

      > “Oh no no no no no! You clearly don’t know the worth of a bow tie! These have character! Pizzazz!”
      -And they can be used to save the world, most probably. ;)

      >“Ditzy!” he called. “I just had an incredibly successful shopping trip!” he shouted
      >“More than a hundred good bow ties, all presenting live cultures of the fungus we needed!
      -Yay, Ditzy :)... Also, I knew it was for saving the (a) world (which is easy to guess with Doctor Whooves) !

      >Oh! Wait! You’re the one the rumors are about! Oh my dear, I’m so terribly sorry about what happened
      -In RPGs, news and rumors ALWAYS travel faster than you do... and even a *deaf* monk in a forgotten temple, inside a remote jungle at the border of the civilized world, WILL have heard about them, somehow.

      > “I’ve heard stories about looms that weave clothes out of gold and silk INGOTS!!!”
      -Silk can be made into ''ingots'' ? I must tell Notch about this ! ;)

      >“Mares are absolutely nuts I tells ya,”
      -''tell'' (small error)

      ... Luck finally smiling at Trixie ? That's a relatively rare occurrence... Also : ~Yay~ ...

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    43. @Dusty the Royal Janitor
      You found those things ''seriously horrifying'' in that movie ? Even after considering the 'unrealistic' nature of the movie, or before that ?

      Just curious ?

      But anyway... Here, it's MLP:FiM, they have magic and stuff; So, most of those things can most surely be undone rather easily, by a good unicorn (which, considering it's a Magical Fashion Factory, they surely have).

      Simply saying there.

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    44. @Nova25

      Er... no. That was a little bit of improper word choice I guess. In any other context it would have probably been more horrifying, but after they got into that candy wilderness room or whatever it was I think it was pretty easy to figure out that you might as well go with the flow with anything that came your way in the movie.

      The point I'm trying to make here is that all of these characters are good, moral, friendly characters in this story (with the exception of Diamond Tiara) so if these things were to happen to the characters, it wouldn't ring through in the same way. In the movie it came across as Karmic justice. Here, it would just come across as "Life's a bitch. Suck it up and deal with your body horror like a man."

      The lesson of the film, from what I could tell, was "the better a person you are, the more people will see fit to reward you." If this sort of thing were to happen to Rarity, Trixie, and Macintosh, then it would ring more along the lines as "Shit happens. Deal with it." The lesson would be set askew and the overall "feel good-ness" might suffer for it.

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    45. @Nova25
      In order.

      I took the bit about Rarity being the Element of Generosity a bit far, and after the Discord episode, clearly this line needs a bit of revising. Thank you for bringing my attention to that!

      I'm terribly sorry that I misrepresented the sequence "Everypony was staring at her. Some of them were muttering..."
      It was more the idea that she's being kicked off the stage early, and the other performers are commenting about it.
      I will see if I can make that clearer. Thanks!

      "of other" changing now

      Doctor Whooves is a fun character; he'll also be showing up more in this story. Heeeee.

      Those are silk ingots? They're supposed to be silver ingots. I suppose that you could make silk ingots by soaking silk in molten precious metal, supposing you could keep the thread from burning maybe...Yeah, no. I'm changing silk to silver there. Thank you!

      As much as I was taught that good writing defends itself from criticism, "tells" is on purpose here; it personalizes Short Order's accent and makes him sound a little more citylike, I think. If you agree/disagree please respond! I'm more than willing to consider changing it to "tell"

      Also, everyone seems to really be enjoying the fact I'm giving Trixie a break from all the doom and gloom. I hadn't quite expected this level of response! Thank you all! I'll be telling The G&PT, I'm sure she'll be most appreciative!

      Chapter Six is almost here! I'm sorry I've been slow, but things have been more than a little busy recently!

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    46. @Pen Pal
      About Trixie, this sentence had only been taken as an exemple... and, well, as I said it wasn't entirely related to this specific story (but about her situation in general).
      It isn't really personal. :)

      For the ingots... You mean that 'silk ingots' was actually an error ?
      I thought it was a joke, which is why I said that 'Notch' (from Minecraft) should add silk ingots in the game ;).
      But silver is good too, if it's what you intended to write.

      For 'Short Order'... If it's part of his accent, then it's all good of course... but, I must say that I hadn't got that he was supposed to have an accent ?
      I guess his accent is rather subtle. (or maybe I just too used to German/Russian/and Farmer accents ;) )

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    47. CH.4 :

      >That had to be...about eight hundred thousand bits extra Big Bucks was willing to pay!
      -800 000 Bits ? If we go for simple conversion and say that 1 Bit=1 $... Then he's investing more than a MILLION (considering the purchase of the socks) dollars for 1 Ticket ?
      He *must* be a Multi-Millionaire, I suppose ? ...but then it kinda raise the question of : Why would Diamond Tiara go to a simple school and not to a private high-class school, if he was that rich ?
      (Was the father, in the movie, also a multi-millionaire ? I don't quite remember this character.)

      Just something I'm wondering.

      >He had finally found the object of such hard work by so many ponies. He had succeeded.
      -I have to say that I'm thinking about several things, about this pony. I mean, like Fluttershy would say : ''He's not a bad pony, he just made a bad decision'', which decision is to ''crawl'' at the hooves of his daughter (but, he's still 'generous' with his employee(s)).

      >He was finally free of the golden ticket curse set upon him by Mr. Fetlocks.
      -Didn't know that Mr. Fetlocks was an Ponyptian mummy ? (It's a joke)

      >Oh, and the new Unseasonable dolls from The Magical Mysterium? And don’t forget the ice cream!
      -Hopefully, she's gonna receive a well deserved life lesson, about having your limits, in that Magical Factory.

      ... It's a good chapter, thought it felt a bit long (where Rarity's chapter felt short)... But, I guess it was to make clear that the father is investing too much effort for his own good, while the daughter is really ungrateful (and spoiled) ...

      -----

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    48. -----

      CH.5 :

      >There was even a movie about him: Good Colt Hunting.
      -Reference to what movie (if there's one) ? Also... a ''movie'' about him ?
      Well, it's quite a peculiar idea for him, but it's surely an original one.

      >Finally, he had not decided to work at Wheeler Laboratories.
      -Good at mathematic, yeah. A movie about him, huh why not ? Working in places like laboratories, in big cities... yeah no, good thing he didn't ; it would have altered his background too much, if you had put it there.
      I mean, people will agree that, even if he's quiet, that he's rather intelligent... but he's a farmer (and a Big Brother too, of course) before anything else, really, not a laboratory scientist.

      >maybe it was her adorable monocle that she was wearing over her hair rather than on the eye
      -Luna with monocle ? She's not *that* conservative (even if she was gone for 1000years)... surely, she must have heard of the new inventions of the night, like nightclubs and stuff ?
      But, the monocle does add some 'cuteness', I suppose.

      >“Have him arrested, before he incites the castle’s mares to a riotous lust!” she shouted.
      -...huh ?... Copy/Paste what I just said 30sec ago ?
      Also, I thought Luna was supposed to be THE goddess of the night, you know... secrets, pranks, and other little mischievous things ? (or at least, that's how she was represented in quite a few stories around here. Many were good.)

      >That had been two years ago.
      -Wait, huh ? It was a flashback from... Did I missed the place saying this section was a flashback ? Also... how many years is it now, since Luna came back, in this story ?

      >“Nope. This time it was Luna. With her sock puppet named Mr. Buttons
      -Ahh, Mr.Button :). Hopefully, Abacus isn't gonna be jealous of Button. ;)

      >His image of Perfect Luna on a Pedestal shattered, to be replaced with a very, very down to earth and pony-like Luna.
      -I... don't quite get it ? I mean... gods and goddesses-Princesses can love stuff, right ? Stuff like warm, comfortable and fashionable socks, no ?
      He didn't think Luna could love normal things or something ?

      >Celestia’s nightcap had been replaced with what was probably a sock. She levitated it off her head only to find...Mr. Buttons.
      -Well, seems like good 'ol ''Night goddess'' Luna is back now. :)

      -----

      ... People are at 99% sure that Luna is gonna get a ticket too (I do), but something about the selection of the characters makes me wonder... I re-read the description of the Tickets' winners, in the movie (to be sure) and, well, the proportion of ''good people'' is higher here than in the movie. So, I wonder how the Factory's events will be handled (probably a secret, right now) and how it will end. (I also remember that 'Wonka' was, even if ''funny'', rather harsh in the movie). I suppose it's time that we remember that it's a MLP:FiM crossover, and not a direct adaptation from the movie ...

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    49. @Nova25
      Sorry for the extra psot, but I forgot to clarify that I 'liked' the current selection of characters.

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    50. YES! Gene Wilder is a WAY better Willy Wonka! 8D

      And Pen Pal, I bucking love you for this fic! (In a non-homosexual way, of course.) Simply awesome! You do the books justice!

      Trevor Eagerly awaits for moar awesomeness!

      ~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria

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    51. This fic is awesome, but I have one issue: what's your problem with Depp's Wonka? He's awesome!

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    52. (Also, PLEASE add Pure Imagination! I LOVE that song! Would have been interesting to see Laugh it up Luna though! XD Also, respect your decision not to try the Oompa Loompa songs! Hard to do those justice, so one respects your decision to stay away from them! (That, and you have good reasoning as well, so...))

      Anyhoof, great job overall! *Is preventing himself from ranting about awesomeness*

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    53. @Party Favors
      Depp's Wonka was high quality, there's no doubt about that. He is a very talented actor.
      That doesn't stop me from disliking Depp's Wonka. Depp's Wonka is not pure in his intention, nor is he mature. He's not a madman, he's simply a child that never grew up. There's very little about him that enamors him to a wide audience.
      Wilder's Wonka, despite his sarcasm, and seeming lack of care for his guests, managed to make people prefer him and adore him for decades.
      Depp was never going to get away from being compared to that, and in comparison, I prefer Wilder.
      Nevertheless, Depp did a very fine job as Wonka, and I can't fault him for his acting ability. That doesn't stop me from preferring Wilder's Wonka.

      I hope that cleared up some things.

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    54. Interesting, none of the characters that get tickets are disliked, other than DT, and I think most have a dislike for DT.
      I should point out, most people who are actualy generious, tend to feel uncomfortable around thoes that are openly greedy. ANd it does not mean that thay do not feel greed themselves. Greed is something that everypony has, no matter how poor, or how well off thay are. Its just part of how the mind is made up. The thing is, most ponys do not show there greed quite so openly.
      THe potentail romance between Big Mac and Luna is kinda sweet and touching. Also, I would point out, I rather doubt that eather would really want the prize from the end of the movie. Luna would be leary of taking on exra responsability, after all, she is actualy allready the protecter of all the ponys. Big Mac would want to stay on the farm, because its home and he is happy there.
      Rarity would not want it as well, though at first she would, because she can be vain.
      DT would want it, and, so far, would be the worst one in the story to get it. Trixy I think would want it, not sure if she deserves it, but she does deserve a good break I think.
      Sorry to be a little meandering in writing this, a bit tired, heading to bed shortly.
      I do hope nothing bad happens to anyone, save DT, DT deserves a wakeup call. Stupid parents, spoiling there little kids like that.

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    55. @Pen Pal
      -rereads original comment- Wow, do I come off like an idiot in retrospect. No critique, just a critiscism over something in the author's notes. Let's remedy that.

      Well, to kick it off, it's a strong choice not to try and replicate the original kids (with the exceptions of Verica and a distributed Charlie). They just don't commute well.

      Secondly, I absolutely love what you've done with Trixie. There's not much more to say on that topic.

      Third, I'm having trouble imagining how you'll get rid of the ticket holders without drawing the ire of readers. That's the problem with making them all so lovable. (With the exception of the heathen brat.)

      Fourth, all that expansion of "fancy mathematics" had me in stiches.

      Well, I think that's all for the moment. Ciao!

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    56. "I am going to base Wooly Fetlocks strongly on Gene Wilder’s version of Willy Wonka; he’s more fun, more easily transferable to Equestria; and just generally a better Wonka for the task than either Depp or Dahl’s Wonka. Sorry Dahl. Not really sorry at all Depp."

      I salute you, you magnificent bastard!

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    57. No Oompa Loompa Song not even one. I am Disappoint.

      Anyways The Doctor helped two characters so far.

      And Gene Wilder's version of Willy Wonka;It's gonna be awesome.

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    58. Well, now that all that's been cleared up in the Author's notes, I can't ait to actually get into the factory!

      Little disappointed at the lack of ponfied songs. I really did like that one suggestion of the Oompa Loompas being "Derpies" And singing "Derpy Werpy Ditzity Doo" or something of the like. Also I was kinda hoping for Luna to sing a rendition of I've Got a Golden Ticket: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29_uSlEEPSk Really would have fit well.

      Glad to hear that none of the good ponies will be getting any undue punishment (although, I wouldn't mind if you taught Diamond Tiara a lesson, the little snot). I am interested in exactly what these surprises that are coming up are, though...

      I rather liked Depp's Wonka. Not as much as I did Wilder's Wonka, but I really thought that he fit the insane and unpredictable nature of the factory well.

      I wonder if we're going to get a pony version of that freaky, out of nowhere, scary tunnel scene?

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    59. Very excited for the upcoming factory visit, and I'm so glad you went Wilder.

      On to the story. Luna's part was highly believable, (her spat with her sister was sweet) with one exception - the part where she gets her special socks suggests shenanigans on the part of Fetlocks (with the help of a certain time-traveller).

      I do wonder if you've written yourself into a corner when they're all so nice. Unless... you've got something completely new planned, which only increases the anticipation. :-D

      ReplyDelete
    60. CH.6 :

      >The last golden ticket has been found by a very lucky camel by the name of Sabre Espada.
      -A camel ? Interesting. I don't see many mentions of camels (or other equine races, other than donkeys and zebras) in stories.

      >unable to determine the identity of the anonymous pony
      >the identity of this pony
      -Huh, wasn't he a camel, 10sec ago ?

      >she at least took solace in the fact that Luna was unlikely to become a crazy cat lady
      -Heh, funny reference ;).

      >I didn’t want to do it, and I know I had to.
      -Wouldn't it be better to say : '' , but I knew I had to. '' ? (or at least the 'but' replacing the 'and' ?)

      >after being confronted by a representative for Wooly Fetlocks, a certain Dr. Whooves.
      -The Doctor, always playing a mysterious role in the backstage of worlds. :)

      >The diminutive British ponies continue their immigration to Equestria
      >Wooly Fetlocks is apparently offering each one of them a job in his factory
      -I'm a bit confused here ?
      Mmh, ok, First : >diminutive British ponies immigrating to Equestria< ...I will make a guess and say that they are/will be the Oompa Loompa-ponified ?
      (But, wouldn't it have been more related, if it had been ''Irish ponies'' ? After all, there's a lot of legends and myths with Sprites and Elf(fairy)-like creatures of small size, like the leprechauns. Just thinking.)

      Second : >offering each one of them a job< ...If those 'ponies' are immigrating because of a famine, there must be more than just a few tens, maybe even a few hundreds of them... I mean, being a ''famine'' it must touch their country as a whole, isn't it ?... So, Wooly intends to give a job to, probably, several hundreds of ponies, how ? He has only 1 Factory, from what I remember.

      >“What do you mean you don’t have bowties here? I thought this was the finest fashion store in all of Canterlot, and you don’t have bowties?!”
      -Again ? Didn't he buy 200 of them some times ago ? ...He must eat them ;).
      That, or it's infact the Past-Doctor, who went in his future to get the bowties then, when not finding any, came a moment in his 'relative-past' and tried that boutique where Trixie was working (that could totally be it, considering that it's The Doctor and all ;) ).

      >Another claimed to be made of cotton candy.
      -Eatable socks ? ...oh, hmm, I hope I'm not the only one thinking of ''how'' those might be used for... XD

      >At that moment, all discord broke loose.
      -AH ! DISCORD ! ...oh wait, too early in the season, I think. ;)

      >“You all should be ashamed. Somepony could have gotten hurt!” She cast a quick glance around
      -Yay, the Mighty and Dignified Royal Princess Luna, in action. :)

      -----

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    61. (damn you weird 4096 characters limit !)
      -----

      >I only recently realized the obvious that pony socks come in fours, not in twos.
      -Wait ? ...oh right, I hadn't really thought about that. To be honest, when I first read the parts, I found strange that it was ''quads'' of socks... I guess many people are just really used to hear ''pairs'' of socks ?

      ...Wilder, Depp or Dahl’s Wonka ? Only saw the movie once(it was an old movie), so I don't really know about all those different version of ''Wonka'' (only that it was remade once a few years ago), anyway. As long as he's interesting, it should be good ...

      >Without it I would never have come up with Wooly Fetlocks
      -A picture of Luna with a monocle made you write a crossover story with 'Charlie and the chocolate factory' ? An odd train of thoughts ;)... but then again, I once ended talking of AI and Quantum Physics, when the initial conversation was about, I think, playing a video game.

      >to answer a question that has occurred more than a few times, how does one even have a Fashion Factory?
      -People asked that, really ? It seems a very easy question... I mean, ''fashion'' ? The factory make all sorts of clothes and things that are 'fashionable', simple. Though the *means* used to make those fashionable items might be quite special, in this case.
      Also : ~Yay~ Holo-threaded techno-socks :D. It DOES sound like a 'cool' idea.

      ReplyDelete
    62. @Nova25

      "unable to determine"
      I believe I referenced the fourth golden ticket bearer there. Espada would be the fifth.
      Yep, I referenced fourth, though I admit the formatting makes it hard to tell.

      I had been meaning to save this as a subtle joke for later, but it's too subtle I think. Nopony will get it, so to explain British ponies:

      Shetland is an island off the coast of Britain from where the famous Shetland Ponies come from, known most for their size (or rather the lack thereof). I describe the Shettish Isles before; I have essentially, geographically, switched up Shetland and England. So Queen Elizabeth the Second of Shetland? Maybe.

      Also, thank you for reminding me that mass exodus from the isle of Britain off the coast of the Shettish Isles would probably result in an overwhelming overflow of ponies to Fetlocks' factory. I'll see if I can reword that.

      In other news, the doctor can certainly use 200 bowties all at once.

      @KTS

      "No Oompa Loompa Song"
      I'm sorry. The Derpies are a brilliant idea; but not one that I thought I could pull off. Too many nice ponies.

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    63. I can't wait for the rest of it! Oh lord it's just so adorable and the references are hilarious, if on occasion they seem a little hamfisted. All the same, keep up the good work!

      ReplyDelete
    64. So all this time and nopony else has noticed that the description text for this is in fact a deep shade of purple instead of black? Well, up to the last line anyway (which really doesn't make any sense to me; is he referring to altering the text formatting specially for this story, or altering as in tailoring?)

      After noticing this, I looked into the page source code and found that the description, when taken as HTML by itself and pasted into the HTMLSandBox, had line breaks (or rather, {/div} and &nbsp all over the place, sometimes the latter is used instead of a regular space!) in it rather than letting the page formatting wrap the text to fit in the width of the text field automagically. And THAT'S why, depending on the font size your browser renders the text, the description has some words hanging out all alone on their own lines.

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    65. GAH YOU TEASE!
      Was really hoping to get into the factory this chapter. You've built it up so much that I'm starting to kinda get antsy about it.

      Still a little nervous about potential body horror, but at this point I'm so hyped up I might even let it slide...

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    66. Yeah, woohoo! Another chapter! That helped Trevor today! Keep ip the good work, and we're ALL anxious about tests and projects that are due soon, (CURSE YOU COLLEGE!), so we understand your busy schedule! As long as you do your best to get us chapters when you can, that's good enough! Unless it takes like a month! Then Trevor finds that to be unacceptable.

      ~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria

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    67. Yes, I agree with choosing Wilder's version. Depp's was... creepy... and Dalh's was meant to be a bit on the mean-spirited side since that was how he did his more biting bits of social satire. This is Pony and socks, and it should indeed be the more whimsical, light-hearted tone.

      Plus, if you do some up with a version of Pure Imagination you're satisfied with, I would be glad to volunteer to sing it. I've been nervously considering posting my singing for some time, and this might be what I need to break out of the shell of hesitation. :3

      You could entitle it "Fashion Fascination", it has a nice ring to it, and matches the original syllable-wise.

      ReplyDelete
    68. FOr the record, just for lulz, I went ahead and wrote Luna's version of "I've got a Golden Ticket"


      [Luna]
      I never thought I’d see the day
      Where anything’d ever go my way
      But suddenly now I have to say
      The clouds don’t seem quite so gray…

      ‘Cause I’ve got a Golden Ticket.
      I’ve got a golden chance to shine so bright…

      Ponies would hardly look me
      For century after century
      But suddenly now it’s I they’ll see
      Oh the unbridled glee

      ‘Cause I’ve got a Golden Ticket!

      [Celestia: Spoken]
      It’s yours, Luna!

      [Luna]
      Oh what a golden way to end my night

      I never thought there’d be a chance
      For me to go find a sweet romance
      Good gracious! Oh what a thrill!
      I never thought that I would be
      Courting a colt of chivalry
      ‘Cause I’d have said
      That I never will

      [Celestia]
      Oh but you will!

      [Luna]
      Back when I was the mare in the moon
      I never thought I’d feel so gay
      But now I laugh and sing and swoon
      Oh what a happy day

      [Luna and Celestia]
      ‘Cause I’ve (you’ve) got a golden ticket!

      [Luna]
      I’ve got a golden chance to shine so bright!
      And with a golden ticket it’s a golden night!

      [Luna: Spoken]
      I’ve got it, Celly! I’m just so thrilled!

      [Celestia]
      And you’d have said that you never will!

      [Luna]
      Oh, but I will!

      Back when I was the mare in the moon
      I never thought I’d feel so gay
      But now I laugh and sing and swoon
      Oh what a happy day

      ‘Cause I’ve got a golden ticket!

      [Luna and Celstia]
      ‘Cause I’ve (you’ve) got a golden ticket!
      I’ve (you’ve) got a golden chance to shine so bright!
      And with a golden ticket it’s a golden night!

      ReplyDelete
    69. Let me admit that I found that rendition of "I've got a Golden Ticket" perhaps one of the cutest things I've ever read.
      In other news, I am at work on the story once again!

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    70. *Is squeeing so badly it puts Fluttershy to shame*

      YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES! ANOTHER CHAPTER! 8D *eyes shining*

      THANK YOU for sticking with the Gene Wilder Willy Wonka! One remembers you saying that you would, but STILL! THANK YOU! 8D Trevor has been waiting for FOREVER for this to update! One almost deicded to nag you to ask how it was going, but didn't want to disturb you. Looks like it was the right choice! 8D

      EXCELLENT chapter! Thank you!

      (And for the Big Mac Nightmare Night excuse, just say that he was taking Applebloom back home? I don't recall seeing her with Scootawolf, so... Yeah. He wouldn't have seen or heard anything back at the farm. Heck, he would have been disappointed! XD)

      Anyhoof... PLEASE keep up the excellent work! Thought I saw some grammar problems, but not many, and not major. (It's a habit, sorry. One is a pre-reader for several fics, so I just... Kinda look at that out of habit to keep in practice, you know?)

      ~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria

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    71. How did Trevor forget to subscribe to this?! One missed that AMAZING song! Has anypony made a video and sang it yet?! Anypony?! WE NEED TO MAKE IT HAPPEN!

      ~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria

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    72. God I like Wooly Fetlocks. He reminded me of him. Most endearing character I know.

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    73. Eighties Luna...

      I think my brain just asploded from the hilarity of that image...

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    74. Trevor spotted a grammar problem. In the fourth line, you say '... , and while...' ... There's a problem. You say and while, but nothing else. And while she promised blah blah blah, there's no second thing, no second object or noun. When there's a while, there needs to be a but, but there's no but. It should be ONLY '... , and...', not '... , and while...' Just wanted to help! *Keeps reading*

      ~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria

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    75. *Waves Angry fist darn you* I will read it though.

      ReplyDelete
    76. XD Oh GOSH! You DIDN'T! The Banana Cannon?! YES! Thanks for another chapter/interlude! Thanks for letting us know it'll be awhile before the next chapter!

      ~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria

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    77. *Pounds head on keyboard* TWILIGHT SHOULD NOT EXIST IN THE WORLD OF PONIES!!!

      That is why we have Twilight Sparkle, silly.

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    78. "Do you like bananas"
      My god I laughed

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    79. @Pen Pal

      I'm working on a 'fashionified' version of "Pure Imagination".

      You'll be drawn to the flair,
      In the airs of fashion fascination.
      Spin the thread, card the wool,
      With elation!

      Patterns for the cloth, button eyes,
      A ruffle here or there will do it!
      Dresses, suits or socks, love it!
      A sweater for a friend, go on, just knit it.

      You'll enjoy what you wear,
      When you care for fashion fascination!
      Make a stitch, just in time,
      And you'll see that it saves nine!

      *not done with this part*

      *last line: When you dress, let them see, Who you truly wish to be.

      I'm making progress! :3

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    80. Could someone please explain what the Banana joke is, or provide a link?

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    81. @Jedifreak

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4f9m4OYkCY This is where it came from.

      I'm not sure how it got so popular. I thought it was kinda stupid myself. But I guess I'm a minority there.

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    82. I didn't think much of it either, but it was the most prominent thought in my mind when it came to "Major Diplomatic Failure" on Celestia's part.

      ReplyDelete
    83. Excellent job of re-integration with Canon! Loved the latest update!

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    84. @Alondro Good now make one for the oompa loompa songs.

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    85. Well this is awkward. Further steps to reintegration with canon need to be taken, because Big Macintosh actually does look on in horror as Luna declares Nightmare Night canceled forever.
      I noticed him walking on screen from the left during an ensemble shot.
      Time for more revisions everypony!

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    86. Hmm... the Oompa Loompa songs... well, I can't yet! I need to see how Pen treats the characters. Only then can I determine if they'll be in need of mockery! If they behave themselves, they won't need hilarious and ironic punishments.

      ReplyDelete
    87. My apologies everypony; this update is not the actual ninth chapter but another interlude.
      Sorry for the misunderstanding.

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    88. So far, there's one problem with your newest chapter: You can legally buy alcohol the day/night before your actual birthday.

      Umm... Buck. Trevor had stopped a typo, but now can't find it... Trevor apologizes for not remembering to write it down the second he saw it...

      ~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria

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    89. I'd skipped over this one before, but came across it while looking for MORE PONY FIC and it's looking great. I really want to see where you'er going with it; Big Mac/Luna works better than I would have expected. Dare I hope for some Trixity as well? (is that what we call it?)

      ReplyDelete
    90. Good news everypony!

      I have finally managed to stamp out a fitting version of Pure Imagination!
      All the bottlenecks for chapter 10 are cleared!

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    91. Trixie shipped with a pony that ISN'T Twilight?
      (mind implodes into a black hole)

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    92. So, since I forgot to put the author's notes in Chapter Nine, I'll just include the main note here:
      This will be the last scene where I write directly around material from the films and book. There will be other scenes with their basis in the films, but I have no intention of forcing myself into a particular scene if it doesn't fit. The reason for this is simple: the latest chapter (nine) doesn't really satisfy me, and I realized that it never would. I'm not exactly sure why, but to me it just doesn't feel as strong as any of the Luna/Celly sections (these chapters set the standard for me by the way; I feel they're the strongest in terms of their writing quality).
      Furthermore, I'd like to admit to a few issues I had with Chapter Nine that really bugged me:
      Chapter Nine wanted to be about the Gallery, but really had a hard time being about it. Nopony wants to read through reams and reams of only description about a room, no matter how amazing that room is. I could have gotten away with four mid-size paragraphs at most that way, and this particular room demands far, far more than that.
      Therefore there had to be some activity, some kind of action, that allowed readers to explore the room as well as allow there to be some idea of progression. So that's what I did, and this really helped fill out the chapter, but had the byproduct that the focus shifted from the room itself to the act of progressing the reader through the room at a set pace rather than allowing her/him to peruse through the room as she/he liked. Additional issues involved getting deeper into characters and their reactions to the factory itself; something I don't think I really succeeded at in this chapter. I should be able to do it to a much more satisfactory level in the next chapters. Freeing myself of direct constraints should work wonders. I think.
      Thanks for sticking with me this long everypony! I realize this comment/note was a bit long-winded.

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    93. Remind Trevor to never tick off Lulu...

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    94. Just read chapter 8 and your rendition of pure imagination into Fashion Fascination. It was a wonderfully created effort in an attempt to capture the joy amd happyness of Gene Wilder's "Pure Imagination" the rhythm and the lyrics were almost similar. Almost, I regret to repeat. Despite these efforts, I felt something lacking from your lyrics, some missing tone or emotion from reading it. I hate being vague, but I cannot point it out as of yet. However, I still enjoyed it! I fell in love with the set up for the song and post-musical actions were authentic to the characters' persona... Or redefinition of their personas depending on which way they go. For this effort, I nominate you for the Fandom Writer awards for this... Now we just need an award ceremony and Kanye West.

      Anyhow, I cannot wait to see how the story plays out and I am excited to see the Shetland ponies singing and your rendition for their songals!

      Good luck!

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    95. Pure Imagination = My Fucking Billboard, bitches!

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    96. Let me be honest; having seen Sweet and Elite, I honestly wish I had waited to start this story until after seeing the episode.
      Fleur de Lis just has so much more to offer than Diamond Tiara.
      Oh well! Back to the trenches! Chapter Ten! Ahoy!

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    97. How far along is the next chapter?

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    98. This needs to update so badly.

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