• Story: Breaking Bricks (Update Part 6!)


    [Noir-mal][Dramedy][Wth are these tags?] "This is one of the only, if not THE only, ponies-in-a-realistically-" dark"-world stories I've had almost nothing but pleasure reading and want to read more of....It certainly sets a high standard for character-driven first person pony noir."- Pre Reader #2


    Author: Aquaman52
    Description: If this were a normal case, I wouldn't be chasing after a foalnapper who keeps mailing me riddles that he expects me to solve. I wouldn't be living with an alcoholic perfume salesmare who can't hardly remember her own name, let alone mine. And I certainly wouldn't be turning the fair town of Ponyville upside-down looking for somepony I didn't really want to find in the first place.

    Then again, if this were a normal case, they probably wouldn't have hired me to crack it.
    Breaking Bricks Part 1
    Breaking Bricks Part 2
    Breaking Bricks Part 3
    Breaking Bricks Part 4
    Breaking Bricks Part 5
    Breaking Bricks Part 6 (New!)


    Chapter One Livereading



    Additional Tags: Private investigator meets persistent interrogator.

    55 comments:

    1. Yay berry punch story, we don't get many of those! Be right back! *reads*

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    2. Hey hey hey, I got first too! Yay.

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    3. Chester? As in Chester A. Bum? Nice...

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    4. Wonderful. With Of Mares and Magic and Romancing Quest finished, I'd been looking for something to wait eagerly for. :D

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    5. Seth's imagination to create new tags strikes BACK.

      No tags are safe now.

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    6. I guess we just have to wait in anticipation for when the story becomes more than what it is.

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    7. This is totally awesome.

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    8. This is very good. The complaint I can come up with is that I dislike the term "soul of souls". It just sounds really corny and hokey, and I don't think it sounds like something this character would think to himself. Other than that, excellent work! I'm interested to see where this goes.

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    9. just finished reading first 2 parts.
      was awsome ^^
      looking forward to seeing where the story goes.
      aswell as how brick develps as a charecter.

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    10. how does this not have about a hundred comments with ratings to match? I really hope this didn't get lost to the void because god it is really, really, good.

      Believable, darkly comical, well written and above all else suspenseful! I want more! I hope this is as destined for 5 or even 6 star greatness as I think it is!

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    11. ^Oh, no wonder, Fallout Equestria updated today...^

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    12. The title reminds me of one of my favorite fics :3
      But... it isn't a sequel to Bricks, is it?
      Oh well.

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    13. I find myself a little disappoined that the protagonist isn't Berry Punch. Especially after that hangover.

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    14. Love the writing style. The characters rambling thoughts keep me pretty entertained.

      I look forward to more and I hope this story doesn't get buried.

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    15. One of [i]those[/i} days. Heh. This is perfect to tide me over until the next Dresden Files book. Great writing, classic noir style, just perfect.

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    16. This is...amazing.

      I really enjoy the whole Leo thing too. It's awesome.

      Keep going!

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    17. @Anonymous

      To address that directly: I actually only put that phrase in there because it is corny and hokey. I like sarcasm a lot, so my characters tend to like it as well.

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    18. very nice, this really captures the noir feel and I believe, when juxtaposed with MLP's lighthearted comedy side, this story will be incredible entertaining (unless you plan to go full noir which I have no problem with anyways)

      Update soon!

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    19. Will there be more? I want there to be more. This is on a short list of fics I will keep checking back for more from.

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    20. That was really good! I especially liked the first-person narration. There isn't enough of that in ponyfic.
      5 stars and +1 request for MOAR!

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    21. I really enjoyed reading the first couple of chapters. This is the only noir-ish Pony story I've read that captures the right "feel" without being Pony in name only.


      Looking forward to future chapters.

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    22. i don't know why but i love this fic

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    23. Awesome. Great job, and good luck!

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    24. "Dogs and cats living together"? Lol.



      Another fun chapter.

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    25. @Aquaman52
      I just have a quick question here: Is Tooth in Mane ever going to be updated, or is it just dead? I kind of want to know so I can just permanently cross it off my watch list.

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    26. @TwinkiePinkie

      The word I'm using for it right now is "abandoned". It was a horribly difficult decision to make, since this is the first time I've ever officially given up on a story I was actively writing, but at the end of the day there were just too many issues with it that I didn't have time to solve.

      I outlined the whole story before I'd read anything else from the fandom, so a lot of the third act is full of clich├ęs that everyone reading would see coming from a mile away, not to mention a certain part of the Season 2 premiere killed any and all dramatic tension that a certain rainbow-maned pony's arc would've had). Once I found that out, it killed a lot of the buzz I felt from writing it, since I make it a personal tenet to be as original as possible with my writing. Add to that the fact that third person was an incredibly unnatural way for me personally to write a multi-chapter story (and I didn't fully figure that out until five chapters in), and it just became something that I didn't consider to be worth forcing myself through.

      Please believe me when I saw that I'm incredibly sorry to have disappointed you and anyone else who enjoyed the story. Again, this was a very difficult decision to make, and it's one that still leaves a bad taste in my mouth whenever I think about it. But finishing a story when I would have to force myself to write it wouldn't be fair to you guys either, since the writing would inevitably suffer the longer the story went on. If a bolt of inspiration strikes me and I can think of a way to satisfactorily rewrite the second half of the plot, there's a vague possibility that I might start it up again. Barring that, though, I've moved on from it.

      Thanks for your support all the same. I hope you enjoy whatever I produce in the future as much as you did what I already have.

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    27. @Aquaman52

      First off, thanks for being so speedy with that response. I honestly wasn't expecting to hear from you for a while.

      I understand where you're coming from. When I saw how the story was progressing in the second section, the first thought I had was "Dear God, this story is going to be over 30 chapters long." It would be unfair for any of us to expect you to complete something like that if your heart wasn't in it. I suppose I should thank you for not continuing it if the story was going to suffer, because I would have forced myself to finish even if it was just unbearable.

      Would you mind answering a couple of questions about the story to satisfy my lingering curiosity? I'd appreciate it greatly. You said that you had outlined the story, so I assume that you had a good idea for how the other vices would test the mane 6. I really liked sloth's ability. I've never read any other story with that element to it, although it's possible that I just am not well-read enough. I'm really curious about if it was a completely original idea from you, and if you had similarly good ideas about the abilities of the other vices. Basically, I'd love to just be able to imagine how the story goes. That may sound weird, but I hope it doesn't bother you.

      Anyway, thanks for responding so quickly. I understand your position completely. If you ever do decide to pick this story back up and rescue it from fic purgatory, I know that I and several others would start reading it again in a heartbeat.

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    28. @TwinkiePinkie

      24 chapters, actually. But I digress.

      I can email you a few of the later plot points if you're interested...I just don't want to throw them out where anyone can see them just yet, since I often scavenge ideas from old, abandoned fic ideas to use in newer stories.

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    29. @Aquaman52

      I'd really appreciate it if you could do that. My email is twinkiepinkie25@gmail.com

      Don't worry, I won't spread your ideas around. I just really want to see how the story would have developed.

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    30. This is pretty well written and has tons of promise. Kind of slow moving though. I'm assuming it will wind up in Ponyville considering the other characters mentioned in the tags?

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    31. @DPV111

      Yep. Things start to speed up in the next chapter, and he'll be in Ponyville one or two fairly short chapters after that. I meant for it to be sooner than that, but the bank scene got a bit longer than I anticipated. In any case, the next chapter should be done and sent to Seth within a day or two.

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    32. Almost two weeks later.

      I'm dying to see more of this man! Not to rush or anything, but are you running into technical difficulties? I assumed the next chapter should've been, seeing your post, posted some time ago. It's a fascinating a story and I just can't wait for more.

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    33. @Zamoonda

      I knew somebody would notice that sooner or later. Kinda glad you did, to be honest. Gives me an excuse to explain myself now.

      To make a long story somewhat shorter, I was indeed nearly finished with what was, at the time I made that last comment, soon to be Chapter 4. However, a few paragraphs I was all like, "Hey, wait a minute! If I take out this later scene and rework this a bit, I can combine two chapters into one and get the story that much closer to Ponyville and the main meat of the plot!" So I went back and cut out a bit, then started rewriting Chapter 4, Version 2.0.

      Then the transition wasn't going as smoothly as I'd hoped, so I was all like, "Hey, wait a minute! I can do better than this!". So I rewrote that same section about four times before I was finally happy with the sequence of events.

      Then real life (a.k.a. schoolwork and college applications) started to intrude on writing time, not to mention the going was still slow since I was writing a chase scene for the latter half of the chapter and I was constantly poring over that with a fine-toothed comb making sure it was perfect. Meanwhile, time continued to function much as time usually does until two weeks had passed and I hadn't posted anything yet, at which point I was all like, "Hey, wait a minute! I'm an idiot!"

      So, yeah. The way it's looking now, what was once two chapters before being one chapters is now two chapters again, the first half of which is going through final edits and will (Pinkie Pie swear this time) be sent to Seth and uploaded to FFN and (possibly) FIMfiction before I go to bed tonight. And the chapter following that is nearly done too, so it shouldn't be tooawfully long before that's done too.

      Sorry to keep y'all waiting. Thanks a million for being patient all the same.

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    34. Do you guys accept OC stories, as long as no Mary Sue pops up and it's well done?

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    35. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    36. @DarcySupremest

      Why yes - Yes I am! :3

      On the topic of the fic - REALLY lovin' this right now...and that last chapter ended in such a way that I really look forward to seeing more of this.

      Hope it comes quicker, this is my new Fic Fix! <3

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    37. This story gets better every update!

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    38. A dark night in a city that knows how to keep its secrets...

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    39. And I just finished reading it. Great chapter! I really can't wait to see more!

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    40. wow, you're back :D! I really like the style of your writing and been waiting for you to post again! This chapter started kinda slowly in my opinion (course, I'm in the mood for some action scenes right now so I'm not exactly a reliable critic now) Keep up the good work!

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    41. ugh i really wanted to read this but i get a google docs error?

      "We're sorry. You can't access this document because it is in violation of our Terms of Service."

      might want to look into reuploading this.

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    42. @Farenth
      Some hater fag seemed to have reported his document for something. Damnit. It's not just you, Farenth.

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    43. hmm....I tried to read part 4 today and I got that same error message as others. Which frankly sucks.

      Other than that, I am really liking the story so far!

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    44. @Zamoonda

      I'm not really sure what's going on right now, to be honest. For a second, it just showed Chapter 1 as being nuked too, but then it worked again once I refreshed the page. And now I can't even get into the main Google Docs homepage at all. Something about an "Internal Server Error 500".

      I think the problem might be on Google's end at the moment, since my Gmail account was acting weird a second ago too. In any case, the whole story is up on FFN and FiMfiction too, so I'll drop links to those below and talk to Seth about replacing these links once Google decides I'm worthy of its services again. XD

      http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7277546/4/Breaking_Bricks

      http://www.fimfiction.net/story/1231/Breaking-Bricks

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    45. @Zamoonda

      Yeah, I just clicked on the Chapter 4 Gdoc link, and it showed up fine for me. It's definitely a problem on Google's end. Just give it a night or two to clear up, and in the meantime those links up above aren't going anywhere anytime soon.

      Thanks for reading, guys. I always love hearing what y'all have to say. :D

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    46. Thanks for the new link! I was able to read it and enjoy it greatly. Now I have to wait with anticipation until the next chapter is released. Can't wait!

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    47. Just popping in to say that I still think this is by far the best Noir-ish story on the site, and the writing just keeps getting better. If I had to compare it to anything, I would say it was like the Deja Vu games.

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    48. So Im first, for this year... does that still count as first?

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    49. So... seven months after it began and neither the pic nor the description nor half the labels have anything to do with the story so far. Huh. Interesting read though. Might follow this.

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    50. Use ALL the labels! Except the ones that have anything to do with the story...

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