• Story: Of the Time Before (Update Complete!)

    [Normal] Creation time!

    Author: Clockworkchaos
    Description: Of the creation of the Divine sister's and their peers, and of Equestria and of the elements of Harmony,
    All Chapters After the Break! 



    Of the Time Before Part 1
    Of the Time Before Part 2
    Of the Time Before Part 3
    Of the Time Before Part 4
    Of the Time Before Part 5
    Of the Time Before Part 6
    Of the Time Before Part 7
    Of the Time Before Part 8
    Of the Time Before Part 9 (New!)

    Additional Tags: Crossover?, Mythology, Epicness, Origins, OC

     Story 2
    Description: Context and Alternative vVersions of the Tale. By Glass Shimmer, Canterlot University
    A Brief Commentary on Inked Scrolls "Of the Time Before" in it's Historical (New!)


    82 comments:

    1. I read a few of these origins stories, but then I got bored and don't read too many.

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    2. I really like this! Very well-written.

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    3. Is part one a Metaphor for people over-submitting to the internet?

      Or just other animals that aren't Ponies/Horses?

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    4. So much Luna Love here. Oh, and congrats at the 17 million that's bound to happen by the end of the day.

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    5. not bad so far. More please :)

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    6. Reminds me of Greek Mythology, with Titans and the like.
      Maybe Viking too, but I don't know much about them.

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    7. can someone help me id the rest of the creations, the only ones i'm sure of are:

      desert - prospecta = camel
      river - zephyr = giraffe

      the rest i'm not too sure:
      mountai - oeg = mountain goat?
      sea - tidalos = um...dolphin? (i got nothing here)
      vision - ramus = deer?
      forest - isadora = i wanted to say elephant, but then the king had problems with the bucking and mentioned something about eating him...so a bull?

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    8. Tidalos was probably a seahorse as in the type that is a merpony.

      I think Isadora was a Bear, because Bears exist in MLP.

      Zebras could be one of them, unless they're horses.

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    9. Author here.

      With the sole exception of Prospecta (who is as already guessed, a camel), all of the others are, much like the princesses, hybrids of two or more animals, and not based on a single template.

      Zebras are not considered the same as horses for the purpose of this fic.

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    10. There are far too few fanfics that dare to adopt a grand narrative style like this, and fewer still that capture the essence of classic mythological prose so effectively. Bravo!

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    11. I want to start reading it, but that 'incomplete tag' means there will most likely be a cliff hanger!

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    12. Nice! I'm a sucker for creation myth type stories... Another good read on this subject is (surprise surprise) Secret Tub fun under Celestia's portion. :D

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    13. I wonder if I'm the only one who has figured out the sorta-crossover yet?

      Really cool stuff, and I'm interested in seeing how you handle the Sudden But Inevitable Rebellion. :)

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    14. Well, that was....chaotic to say in the least. It seems more like a record of times, than a story.

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    15. @Lurks-no-More

      I believe you are the first, but it's been noted and RPG net, and a lot of people there will recognize it.

      As for the SIR (Sudden but Inevitable Rebellion, I promise, it will be both epic, and unique.

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    16. Wow. Wicked-cool creation myth, man. :D

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    17. CH.1 :

      >pegusi
      -pegasus

      >Thus her name shall be Luna, and she shall ever reflect the sun’s glory.”
      -Luna came first ?
      It's like the *Egg and the chicken* all over again ! ;)

      Also, stating that all the ''ancient-greater gods'' were ''evil-like'', just sound like a little odd, especially since 2min later we see 3 of them working together ?

      So, not ALL of them were that bad.
      It's really just the King... and Darkness I guess, that are ''bad''.

      Ch.2 :

      >darkness had the steed spit in the sun’s eyes
      -''he'' made a camel/llama ? huh ?

      >“Behold, this is the perfect steed, this is what the sun shall ride. Behold Celestia.”
      -So... Luna is technically the *older sister*, here ?

      But She is said to be the ''little sister'' JUST because the ''greater god king'' whined that he wanted Celestia to be first ?

      Weird way to put thing, I must say.

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    18. @Nova25
      >Also, stating that all the ''ancient-greater gods'' were ''evil-like'', just sound like a little odd, especially since 2min later we see 3 of them working together ?

      Working together doesn't mean they aren't jerks. The three simply recognized that the reward was worth splitting. Though earth is actually fairly nice.

      >It's really just the King... and Darkness I guess, that are ''bad''.

      More like there are varying levels of "nasty". Darkness and the King are the worst of the bunch. But you'll see some other examples in the next chapter.

      >But She is said to be the ''little sister'' JUST because the ''greater god king'' whined that he wanted Celestia to be first ?

      Yup. The others are capable of some really powerful oaths. Once they bound them, it literally redefined Luna's role to that of "little sister" even if she technically was first. The Others are capable of some serious reality warping.

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    19. more like troll

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    20. all of my stars, you have them.

      i dunno what you're crossing over, but i'll be damned if this doesn't sound like (albeit a more poetic version of) the stories of Frith from Watership Down, especially the story of "The Sense of Smell."

      Very powerful stuff here. Very awesome

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    21. Wow. This is like like the Silmarillion meets the Kalevala meets Greek myths meets the Old Testament. Very cool stuff.

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    22. >reality warping
      -Aka : *Infinite loop of Deus Ex Machina*
      ...not the best thing in the world, let's just say.

      -----

      ... the llama were first ? Now navigating in the waters of strangeness. Do not forget your safety-jacket, you may need it soon ...

      >Be not concerned with them, it is for the Others to decide the world
      >Your duty is to obey me, as it mine to the King.
      -So... the King is king, but does not do any King stuff ?
      I think he needs to recheck his job description ? ;)

      >he dyed the cloak in first tears of 10,000 races
      -Hum ? ...thanks for the ''gift'' ? -Awkward-

      ... Behemoth & Isadora clashes makes me think of ''earthquakes'' ? ...

      >the Once-King
      -Huh ? This raises too many questions.

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    23. @Nova25

      >Deus ex Machina.
      >God out of the Machine

      It's a mythological story... and you're complaining about gods?
      I'm really not sure how to address that.

      These are the things that literally created the world. They define physics, and reality within it.

      If you want a more specific description. The King's decree has three main effects. The first is the simplest. Anything under the oath has to refer to Celestia as the elder, and may even be forced to believe it.

      The second is one focused on the two sisters. Anyone unfamiliar with them will instantly look at them and identify Celestia as the elder. She will look older, bigger, wiser, etc.

      The third is the most complex, and perhaps the most insidious. It binds Luna to always be the lesser of the two. Not only was Celestia created with more power, but Luna is literally bound to remain the lesser. As long as Luna is Luna, she can never surpass Celestia is raw power (the King isn't concerned with much else).

      >King

      "Tyrant", "Despot" or "Biggest Bully on the Playground" might all be better descriptions. He's the most powerful,and gives the orders, so if he wants to be called King, he's the King.

      >... Behemoth & Isadora clashes makes me think of ''earthquakes'' ? ...

      Hehehe. No comment.

      >-Huh ? This raises too many questions.

      He was the original King of the Others, the current one over-threw him.

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    24. @Clockworkchaos
      Note... I wasn't ''complaining'' (seriously, now these days I must place disclaimers everywhere... It's not like I'm writting in CAPS or the like ?)...

      I was ''simply'' refering to the fact that a ''reality warping'' basicly involves an infinite number of the ''effect'' known as 'Deus Ex Machina' (...wouldn't be saying if I didn't know its meaning... Or, its general uses.), since every 'changes' is a 'pure change' that force the re-write of *all-that-can-or-will-be* in a set Reality, which can only happen through the acts of ''impossibly'' powerful 'beings'... etc words...

      ... For the Once-king part, well, the current King can re-write Reality, so I suppose the previous one could too, but then maybe or maybe not, infinite re-writting loop ;), etc words...

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    25. @Nova25

      Oh, I apologize. This line.

      >...not the best thing in the world, let's just say.

      Lead me to the misunderstanding.

      I also think I explained it badly . The Others reality warp in the sense that they can determine the physical laws by which reality (or at least their subset of reality, Creation) is goverened. They can't actually remake time. However when they are able to make everyone talk as if history was different, and are able to rearrange the universe so that Luna is left with the traits associated with being a younger sister. And everyone who sees them will think Luna is the younger (and no one who knows otherwise is capable of correcting them) is there really a difference?

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    26. Did the author open this up for anyone to read it? Because it's saying I don't have permission and I'd really like to think it's not just me lol

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    27. @Zerone

      No, the author is a moron who forgot to change it from private before sending it in. It's fixed now

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    28. Wow... This is fantastically well crafted old friend. Nice to see you among the Bronies, with such an intriguing creation story.

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    29. Thanks for changing it, though I don't know about the Moron part :p

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    30. Lovin the story format

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    31. I love the story. I can't wait to see how what the Steeds and the Others do affect the future.

      I think Darkness will probably create Nightmare Moon.

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    32. I kinda like this. It kinda has the disorganized feel of the Norse and Grecian mythos to it, specifically when it gets to it's "Titans." It reads like a bunch of groups that got together to explain how the world got created, and just started meshing their local myths and legends into one big story, taking bits of everything to all of them. Specifically that bit about Luna and Celestia are reminiscent of the Aesir-Vanir war, and how that got resolved. If this was a conscious decision, good show. If not, read up on it, it's some good stuff. Either way, really really love how your doing it, and the recorded feel to it.

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    33. This is a history very well told. There is always that underlying feeling of depth in the story, that this telling is only scratching the surface of it all, and I think that is why it is so enticing.

      The style in which it is written is also very befitting.

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    34. PArt 4 :

      Weird stuff on Google Doc...

      Why the hell do I have a thing (some sort of pop-up window, which is part of the page apparently, since it only appears in THIS Doc ?) appearing in THIS Google Doc screen saying :

      « You cannot comment on this document.

      flyovercountry
      Comment Resolved
      The comment is hidden from the document but still available in the discussion stream.
      Re-open

      10:23 PM Jul 22

      Comments off
      Selected text:
      For he learned of the Journey the Others had been one
      Collapse
      Show all
      I don't understand this sentence. Is this a journey of the Others, or is 'Journey' another spirit thing-ie?
      Comment Resolved
      Undo
      ksheridan
      No that capitalization was accidental
      12:07 AM Yesterday
      ksheridan
      Marked as resolved
      12:08 AM Yesterday

      (...etc) »
      --- ??? ---

      I mean, I can close it (X), but sill... That's one weird thing ?

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    35. Well, anyway... Part 4 for real :

      >His hide was thick, his horns straight, and now his mind joyful.
      -So, some of the ''imperfect'' ''steeds'' became the Elements ? Mmh ? I suppose it's an 'interesting' approach.

      >and so did he follow the unknown one, who led him to a place where they could hide.
      -Aren't the ''steeds'' supposed to be, you know, MUCH bigger than the ''lesser'' creatures... like 'giant' in size, at least, compared to them ?

      >And so Oeg stayed, searching for greater and greater secrets.
      -I believe it is ''Tidalos'' that you meant here, no ? For He's the one searching for more secrets, to escape the ocean.

      >But neither could she defy the sun directly.
      -And to explain why there's no ''Others'' or ''King'', now these days, let's take a look toward Greek Mythology and the 'War of the Titans', shall we ?... ;)

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    36. @jenovaii

      I'm sorry this took so long to respond. I actually haven't read Watership Down. Believe it or not, the crossover story is probably more poetic than my work.

      I'll post a link to it when the story is done, it's a great read.

      @Andrew

      Thanks, I love your work with progress.

      @Joey

      Thanks, one of my big goals was to create an origin story that felt like an actual mythological tale, not simply a story.


      @sotha
      Thanks, that was one of the lesser goals of the fic.

      @Nova25

      >-So, some of the ''imperfect'' ''steeds'' became the Elements ?

      Maybe, maybe not.

      >-Aren't the ''steeds'' supposed to be, you know, MUCH bigger than the ''lesser'' creatures...

      They size change. Nightmare Moon is as big as Celestia, while Luna isn't much taller than most ponies. In general, I see most of them as being about Celestia's size normally, with Zephyr being able to stretch ridiculous long. Isadora, and Tidalos as gigantic and Oeg going straight into the realm of "Unbelievably huge"

      Good catch on the mistake, you are absolutely correct.

      On your final observation, it is interesting, it's also interesting how much time the legend takes to assure us that not only were the Others evil, but that Behemoth and the White Stage were part of the Others, and defiantly not steeds, at all, really, we promise. They may have looked identical, but they won't.

      If you assume this was written after the actual events... it makes you think about who was doing the writing, doesn't it?

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    37. *entering into mega speculative mode*

      Last line of this fic:
      Pinkie Pie: and that's how Equestria was made!

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    38. Part 5 :

      >On her seventh trip
      -Seven(7) ? Hmmm... I sense a 'thing' here. The influence of 'something'... 7 trips, 7 days / 1 week...

      >Isadora fought the Behemoth in joy as a rival
      -Simillar as AJ and RD, in a way.

      >Celestia was humbled. For she first sought to escape for her own safety and now saw the selfishness of that.
      -Wait a second... ''escape'', hmm...

      Would her plan be, by any chance, to travel far FAR away in the universe, and to find/create a world were the 'steeds' and their 'children?' will live safely, out of reach from the 'Others' and 'Kings' ?

      >Prospecta found more joy in true Generosity
      -Hmmm... ''Some'' of the 'steeds' may or may not become the Elements, as you said, but they can still become the core ''emotion/value'' behind the Elements.
      Like... she may not become the Element of generosity itself, but will still be the intention/desire to be generous.

      Mmmh... I predict that one of the 'steeds' will make/forge the jewels that are the Elements, on the other 'steeds' will be the ones to fuel them.

      >“We shall be the greatest thieves in all creation, for we shall split the land in twain and carry that which we need into the outer reaches.
      -Hmmm... Is the portion of land they take will become the country of Equestria, by any chance ? ;)
      (Cut/paste on New file, V2.0 ;) )

      ... Theories are bubbling like crazy today :) ...

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    39. @Clockworkchaos
      By the way... the weird pop-up thing on Part 4 is still there.

      Any idea what this is ?

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    40. @Nova25

      I believe that the popup is the discussion page for the comments between me and my beta reader. I have no idea why it's popping up.

      >Mmmh... I predict that one of the 'steeds' will make/forge the jewels that are the Elements, on the other 'steeds' will be the ones to fuel them.

      No comment.

      >-Hmmm... Is the portion of land they take will become the country of Equestria, by any chance ? ;)

      Well it is supposed to be the story of Equestria's creation. And Equestria doesn't seem to be around yet.....

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    41. @Clockworkchaos
      I also have a very interesting theory involving 'Darkness'' and Luna, and the reason behind the creation of the Elements and the future New World.

      ...but I will those for now, because I fear that I may be starting to accidently reveal parts of the story ;)

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    42. Can just remove the "a/elon.edu/" to make the link for part 6 work. Not sure why it's there, probably a copypaste error.

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    43. Loving this series, btw. :)

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    44. Link to part 7 is derped... it links to part 6 of the story.

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    45. Great job on this series. It really feels like a Creation myth.

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    46. Wow! Great story!

      I just read all 7 chapters in one sitting and I really loved the way you developed the elements in the main characters whilst the story progressed smoothly. Good job and I look forward to more. :)

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    47. Part 6 :

      >Zephyr’s Task
      -Basicly, to turn around and around until a ''piece'' of the world is cut ;)

      >the King is ever arrogant, using more flames than are needed
      -I think I see in the future a ''Oops! *Supernova*'' ;)
      (probably not, but once the 'steeds' will be gone... who knows what will happen over there ;) )

      >And thus did she take the flame.
      -Surely it's a ''relatively'' small flame from the Sun, that will 'serve' in making a new one later... because Suns tend to be BIG (and so, not easily transportable).

      >To capture all that one sees, only that it shows everything in red?
      -Huh ? I don't get the second part of that... why ''red'' ? ...he wants an 'Infrared' mirror or something ?

      -Ramuh is red ? I would have thought for Yellow. Or was he Yellow before the blood-thingy...

      >four grand treasures by which she kept herself beautiful: her gold, her silver, her gems, and her make-up.
      -...hmm... ''make-up'' doesn't sound very ''ancient-like'' talk ?

      >Finally the gods came to Isadora.
      -.....huuuuuuu what ?

      ...the ''gods'' ?
      Wait... did I missed a chapter or something ? This confusion makes my head hurt, right now...

      Weren't ''The Others'' the metaphorical equivalent of the ''Gods'' of this ''Creation'' ??
      Then, there's ''The King'', who's the, well... 'king' of them.
      and the 'steeds', which are the creation of ''The Others'' (with a piece of their powers)... thus something like the equivalent of ''half-gods''...
      and finally the species/races of creatures/monsters made by ''The Others'' and some of the 'steeds'...

      So, where the heck do they suddenly come from (nowhere) ?

      ...were they, like, I don't know, made by ''The King'' to make the creation work, or something ?
      But then, what become of ''The Others'' like 'River' and 'Swamp' and 'Mountain' and 'Ocean' (forgot their exact names)...?

      ...and apparently they can be killed just like that ? Not much of ''gods''... they are ''Spirits'' in fact, no ?

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    48. @Nova25

      Zephyr's task was actually inspired by river erosion, thing the Grand Canyon, only more so.

      As for the sun, sizes is mythology are somewhat variable, the Greeks had the sun as a chariot. Plus of course suns are transportable, how else would they move across the sky silly :).

      Ramus (latin for 'branch'), was originally white, the blood turned him red.

      Actually, makeup was used as early as 4000BC http://www.king-tut.org.uk/ancient-egyptians/egyptian-make-up.htm.

      The others are more equivalent to the titans, or -pregods-. As for the gods in this universe, essentially the Others got lazy and decided to create a bunch of subordinates to do the work for them, hence the gods.

      They are easily killed, think of them as more equivalent of Chinese "household" gods. A single one might be in charge of an individual forest, or even a tree.

      Plus Isadora is literally earth shatteringly powerful.

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    49. Part 7 :

      >“Humility,” said Zephyr.
      -I spy something that will not make the cut.

      >for it will keep us humble >for surely creatures so weak, and slow, and clumsy as their children would never grown proud.
      -They have a weird way to be ''humble'' about all this ?

      >hope would be hidden, and thus did everyone know of the six Elements of Harmony.
      -They cut 'hope', but not 'humility' ?
      ...and for what it matters, since when 'humility' is an Element ?

      Considering the series, with the 5 Elements (and the 6th being the hidden one... not 7th or 8th), that means that 'humility' is gonna be cut too at some point... in favor for ''magic'', right ?

      >And he was so heavy that his world had collapsed unto itself, for nothing could escape the Behemoth, not even light itself
      -So... he's basicly a Blackhole.

      -...and they just lost 'Loyalty' ?
      Even if they forged the Element, that's still quite a problem... with no source, you know ?

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    50. Part 7 :

      >“Humility,” said Zephyr.
      -I spy something that will not make the cut.

      >for it will keep us humble >for surely creatures so weak, and slow, and clumsy as their children would never grown proud.
      -They have a weird way to be ''humble'' about all this ?

      >hope would be hidden, and thus did everyone know of the six Elements of Harmony.
      -They cut 'hope', but not 'humility' ?
      ...and for what it matters, since when 'humility' is an Element ?

      Considering the series, with the 5 Elements (and the 6th being the hidden one... not 7th or 8th), that means that 'humility' is gonna be cut too at some point... in favor for ''magic'', right ?

      >And he was so heavy that his world had collapsed unto itself, for nothing could escape the Behemoth, not even light itself
      -So... he's basicly a Blackhole.

      -...and they just lost 'Loyalty' ?
      Even if they forged the Element, that's still quite a problem... with no source, you know ?

      ReplyDelete
    51. @Nova25

      Zephyr's task was actually inspired by river erosion, thing the Grand Canyon, only more so.

      As for the sun, sizes is mythology are somewhat variable, the Greeks had the sun as a chariot. Plus of course suns are transportable, how else would they move across the sky silly :).

      Ramus (latin for 'branch'), was originally white, the blood turned him red.

      Actually, makeup was used as early as 4000BC http://www.king-tut.org.uk/ancient-egyptians/egyptian-make-up.htm.

      The others are more equivalent to the titans, or -pregods-. As for the gods in this universe, essentially the Others got lazy and decided to create a bunch of subordinates to do the work for them, hence the gods.

      They are easily killed, think of them as more equivalent of Chinese "household" gods. A single one might be in charge of an individual forest, or even a tree.

      Plus Isadora is literally earth shatteringly powerful.

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    52. @Nova25

      Humilty didn't become an element, it was cut. So there are the six we know, as for hope, I deliberately left it somewhat ambiguous if it was actually cut, or if it was made and hidden, or never made.

      >for it will keep us humble >for surely creatures so weak, and slow, and clumsy as their children would never grown proud.

      This is a mythology, so at some point somepony had to write it down. So it's likely that at the point when this part of the tale got transcribed, who ever was doing the telling had just met someone like, say, Trixie or BlueBlood. And was perhaps dropping some not to subtle hints.

      The Behemoth is basically a black hole, yeah.

      Isadora is dead, but one of the advantages or putting the power into the elements is that they no longer require the original proposer. Any more than a sword requires it's original maker.

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    53. @Nova25
      What the hell is that ?

      What does that mean ? Is blogger ''shitting'' bricks or ?

      (My message) August 8, 2011 3:24 PM
      (This double) August 8, 2011 4:47 PM

      I don't recall EVER posted a second -identical- message OVER an hour later ?

      ReplyDelete
    54. @Nova25
      What the hell is that ?

      What does that mean ? Is blogger ''shitting'' bricks or ?

      (My message) August 8, 2011 3:24 PM
      (This double) August 8, 2011 4:47 PM

      I don't recall EVER posted a second -identical- message OVER an hour later ?

      ReplyDelete
    55. @Nova25

      lol, it seemed to have happened again.

      ReplyDelete
    56. @Nova25

      It seems you've entered a recursive loop in time.

      ReplyDelete
    57. I'm sorry if it's been answered before but where does the idea of a "story locust" come from and if it comes simply from the author's head then I ask why are they called "story locusts"?

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    58. @Specter Von Baren

      They are a result of the crossover? tag. A basic description of them goes like this. They're a bunch of lovecraftian entities without consistent shape or form, constantly changing. Rather than following laws like 'physics' they define their own reality as a narrative/story. What makes them really dangerous is that they will try to draw others into their stories, if they succeed then the affected person/pony/other story-locus will become a player in the story, essentially rewriting who they are to confirm to the narrative.

      ReplyDelete
    59. @moocow1452
      It was apparently a bug from 'Blogger'... someone said it somewhere in the comments of another story (in double of course).

      ReplyDelete
    60. Apparently part8 does the same thing as part4... a weird window pop up inside the Googledoc... for whatever reasons ?

      Part 8 :

      >I can see the Behemoth, charging up the side of Creation.
      -''charging up'' ? ...not sure to get this 'wording' ?
      You mean that he's attacking the Others ? Swallowing (black hole) the world/creation of the Others (which would tend to irritate them) ?
      I'm just not sure to exactly get what you tried to say there.

      >Isadora’s blood became pig and hog and warthog.
      -Pigs ?? ...The 'steed' representing the ultimate Loyalty, and a super 'steed' that could almost rivalize with the Behemoth... She has PIGS ?!

      Wow... what a massive downgrading. Seriously...
      She could had have something more along what Behemoth (which she was simillar to, by the way) got, but ''good''... Maybe the grifins, or some reptiles like alligators and the like ?
      Or even the Donkeys and the cows, which would be a great choice...

      >And Equestria bloomed under Raum’s vigilant watch.
      -Raum's : Ramus' (small error)

      >the water flowed to the Ramus’ plants.
      -Is the second ''the'' necessary ?

      >she took the mirror which Prospecta had made for Ramus
      -I think I recall one of the Others ''smashing'' throught it, and into 'Swamp', in a previous Part, no ?
      How is it still there ? (wouldn't be the ''shards'' that would be used instead ?)

      ... Camels have cutie marks ? Huh, ok ? ...

      ... But, about Isadora's blood, this isn't very good.
      Cows and Donkeys would be a very interesting (and better, I would say) selection, for they too don't have cutie mark, YET they are sentient and can be and talk. See ? ...

      ReplyDelete
    61. @Nova25

      The Behemoth fell off creation (it's flat) and fell way down, hence in order to get back to it, he had to go up its side, hence he is charging up its side.

      As for Isadora's blood. The explanation there is kinda complex, and has several factors. One of them I'd rather not address until the fanfic is over, but I'll answer as best I can.

      First, the griffon suggestion is interesting, but it conflicts with a very early decision I made about the fic, which is that the characters in the fic would be the ancestors of hoof based manly herbivore race. Hence why there is not a dragon steed. I make not claim that this is right or wrong, but it was the choice I made early one, and ment that griffons would not come from any of them.

      Secondly, the Behemoth looks like Isadora, but he's not. In actuality he is as much a steed as a terminator is a human. Hence I wanted to have his blood have a different effect, not merely generating a new race, but warping the land it touched.

      Finally, I think you are seriously, seriously underestimating pigs. Yes, the domesticated pigs we have are cute, but boars, real wild boars, are some of the nastiest creatures you will ever mean. When thinking what Isadora looks like, Don't think pot-bellied pig, think wild boar. For an example of how big and powerful those things can get, look 'hogzilla' on google search, and keep in mind that's a real creature, Isadora is even nastier.

      Good catch on the mirror, I'll need to fix that.

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    62. @clockworkchaos
      Just to say that the ''griffin'' was a quick throw...

      I was more serious about the part, which added more details, with the Cows (and Donkeys, but it's really optional compared the cows/bulls).

      1) Like the other pre-travel races, they too don't have cutie marks.
      This would work well for that.

      2) Cows, but more their male counter-part, the bulls have a tendency to quite literally *lower their head and run into ''challenges''*... which is kinda, in a way, what Isasora does often with Behemoth.
      This would work well with Isadora and part of her character.

      3) Like the other races, cows (and bulls) are sentient in the series.

      So... personality-compatible, no marks (pre-travel race), sentient...

      -This is only a suggestion... but I do think this would make for a good and quite interesting detail.-

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    63. @Nova25

      But I already had cows/bulls/bison/oxen/yaks etc as Oeg's races. As for why I felt they were appropriator, Oeg's endgame duty was to carry the world, and for hauling things, you don't get much better than oxen/yak. Thus I felt they were appropriate to him.

      Since his blood was spilled during the flight, they qualify.

      As for mules, wait for chapter 10.

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    64. I wonder how Celestia et al will react if they meet Gaia, Ramethus (the Aftershock War Primordial), or the unnamed Primordial who fled into the Wyld during the Primordial War, and received news of the new sun leading a rebellion of the gods, using weapons created by Autocthon to murder a bunch of Primordials and imprison the rest of them inside the stomach of the inside-out King after they surrendered.

      Also, if Zephyr has Adrian charms, I wonder if they'd change to Adorjan charms when her heart gets killed, or if he'd keep them and be able to teach them to Green Sun Princes.

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    65. @nick012000

      I'd really really love to comment on this, but.... spoilers.

      Ask again after part 9.

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    66. nick, why did you have to use real names? It's more interesting to not. Also, when river becomes wind, others with her magic, going by the only case we have, wouldn't change. Also, virtually all children of the others don't use their own magic directly, for much the same reasons that the chosen of the gods don't use the gods magic directly.

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    67. So, Zephyr died and was reborn when Adrian got fetich deathed? Makes sense, I suppose, especially if he's packing Adrian Charms. Was Marus unaffected by the fetich death of the Lidless Eye That Sees because he was modelled after the fetich of tLETS and as a result had neither of their charms, and instead had his own powers based on their thematics?

      I wonder if Marus and Prospecta managed to avoid being killed or imprisoned in Malfeas by the Exalted once they managed to return to Creation; if they did, once they managed to return to Equestria, they'd certainly have a story to tell.

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    68. Ah, I rather liked the inclusion of "analyzing" of the story. It gives it even more of a sense of myth and legend with someone actually going over it, in universe.

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    69. @nick012000

      @sebsmith

      Normally sebsmith would be right. The others weren't affected. The answer is hidden in chapter 2.

      -
      But River was also satisfied, for River had placed a fragment of her own power within Zephyr, a small fragment, for Zephyr was not of the River as the sun was of the King, but he was connected still.
      -

      Which means that Zephyr had some degree of extra connection with his Primorial. That said, he doesn't have their charms, in fact, Zephyr controls the wind, while his successor controls the river.

      From an OOC perspective, very early one (pre-crossover decision) I had decided that there was going to be a character who had originally been responsible for the winds, but died. And later another who was responsible for rivers.

      I had originally planned to make them siblings, but after I decided on the crossover the fact that they corresponded with a certain primorial/yozi was too good to pass up.
      @Specter Von Baren
      Thanks, I'm a big fan of using 'in universe' text to give a larger sense of scale and worldbuilding.

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    70. >wait wait wait......what about Darkness and his creation?
      >so in this fic was it Zephyr's death caused Luna to be Nightmare Moon?
      >whyd the story cut off to "Of Nightmare Moon"? when there was more to story to tell?
      >Authors notes just got me more confused

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    71. @Specter Von Baren

      Totally agree. Damn good work by both authors, a thoroughly enjoyable read.

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    72. @Gypsy

      Darknesses creation was killed in chapter 2. Darkness was one of the Others they were trying to get away from in the first place.

      Zephyr's death may have been the cause of it, but I wanted to leave it a possibility, not a certaintly. It's equally possible that she,say found Darknesses cloak, and that corrupted her.

      It jumped to nightmare mono because there honestly hasn't a lot more of the story to tell. The story was about the origins of Equestria, and at that point the land had been made, all the 'steeds' had their roles, all the species had been explained.Ramus and Prospecta haven't arrived back yet, the others were still doing what they did. Sure stuff happened, but none of it fundamentally changed the world, which is what the story was about.

      @iastfan112
      Same Author in both cases.

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    73. Aw, it's over. Thanks for a great story!

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    74. @Clockworkchaos
      Well, I figured Zephyr probably had Adrian's "run fast" charms, at the very least, given how he got her to chase after him and she couldn't catch him. The Charms that gave rise to the Wind-Born Stride/Death-Dealing Journey/Running to Forever tree when Adrian became Adorjan. Maybe the precursor of Unimpeded Perfection of Exertion's tree, as well, though he obviously didn't have Earth-Skimming Gale Tread's precursor since he couldn't fly.

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    75. Part 9 :

      >“Could it be a disease? Must we prepared for plague?” >“Perhaps it was poison?”
      -Aren't they the equivalent of minor gods (or demi-gods) ? What kind of poison or sickness could possibly touch them ?

      >from her wingblood created the pegusi
      -pegasi (small error)
      >But the pegusi were not
      -Again ? You know the singular form is 'pegasus' and the plural 'pegasi', right ?


      >Ramus trained his children, the reindeer, in the art of flight
      -Flying reindeers, really ? Are you seriously trying to push for the flying reindeer thing of Chirstmas/X-Mas ?

      >“You should both go, for the outer reaches are dangerous and wild
      -Why does this somehow reminds me of a generic horror movie where the heroes ALWAYS make the dumb decision to separate themselves and go different ways, until they are all dead, killed one by one ...?

      >And Kirin taught his children to watch over plants. And so Prospecta and Kirin left the world.
      -Wait, who ? Ramus ? Why did you suddenly changed his name for no reason there ?
      And I guess now is a good time as any to ask why you spell his name ''Ramus'' and not ''Ramuh'' ?

      >Of Nightmare Moon.
      -Wait, wait... wait ! Jumping the steps a bit much, no ? It just jumped, what is MOST probably MANY millenium, with no transition whatsoever...
      The piece of planet/''creation'' (which, surely, would later become like a seed for the rest of the WORLD to form around it) was still being pulled through the void of space, less than 5 seconds ago ?
      Also, the descriptive/narrative (or whatever term) style just suddenly changed ...?

      It was running too long and you didn't want to write the formation of the world itself or ? (because they dragged a PIECE of ''creation'', not a fully formed planet with a core and everything, from what we were told at least... Planets tend to be relatively round, you know.)

      >Did she lose those she cared about? Not merely Zephyr, but Ramus and Prospecta, and Tidalos and Oeg so far.
      -Tidalos and Oeg off-panel ? I mean... seriously ?
      It really gives the feeling that you just wanted to cut things short there... Just saying.

      >Or perhaps it was not darkness, but Darkness.
      -Honestly, it is one of my ''possible'' theories, on that subject (within this story only, of course).

      >We do not know.
      -Well... this section was kinda pointless, isn't it ?

      >And though Tidalos and Oeg were still there, she could not go to them
      -And now they aren't ''dead'' or left, as it was implied in Luna's section, just 30seconds ago ? Huh, ok ?


      ... I don't really mean to speak ill of this part, but... this last part, which is supposed to be the ''END'', just seem like it was half-done/rushed quite obviously. Also... the last section (of Celestia) is quite ''dry'', in content, so to speak. I have to say that this ''ending'', if we can call it that, is kinda disappointing ...

      -----

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    76. @Nova25
      -----

      "Of the Time Before" in it's Historical (Story 2) : (Also, the odd ''text box'' is appearing in the Googledoc, once again.)

      >I, however, do not find this document’s argument entirely convincing.
      -Mostly the ''End'', really...

      >Of the Time Before is notable not only for it’s wide, epic narration
      -...you ? Really ? Having a random OC, in a side-story, throwing flattery about your first story ? ...I don't know at the moment, but there must be a proper term for this kind of thing...

      >and was recorded during the year 15 AN
      -It would been useful, yet minor I know, to know what the ''AN'' acronym stands for. ''After-...something ?''.

      >Princess Wind Soar
      -Huh, what ? Princess ? A 3rd one because ...?
      Does this has something to do with that contest on DA, where people try to create a Princess/Prince to explain Blueblood's ''theorical'' link to the Royal family (because he calls himself ''prince'') ?

      >for study purposes it typically divided into three distinct narratives
      -Let me guess... Part 9 is one of those ''narrative change'' isn't it ? That would be awfully convenient.

      >so that he could foretell the winner and thus had already built Celestia, explaining why she was truely first.
      -I have the feeling that ''Story 2'' is in fact the 'Epilogue', aka : giving missing exposition, filling some holes, tieing loose ends, and trying to give a sense of closure. You know, an 'Epilogue'.
      Maybe it's just my imagination ?

      >because the oaths forbid them from telling the truth of their creation, hence why it is not talked about.
      -Errrr...? Convenient +1 ?

      >In general, tales ztend to
      >silence on the matter ahs been
      >increased focus on Zephy-Luna
      -'tend' / 'has' / Zephyr (small errors)

      >Zerevyi’s version of the tale features (...masks)
      >While the Yak Epic Bovinevad Gita speaks of the 14 Ratna, or treasures
      -I guess they will make quite the face the day they will see the 6 'stones' of the Elements of Harmony, currently in Equestria, huh ? (they are physical and magical proofs)

      >while others have their battle take place after the separation within Equestria itself
      -...waiiiiit a second ?
      How would it be possible to have happened there, since Equestria is a *COUNTRY* on the planet, and not the planet itself ?
      ...or, are they still in the Medieval Age, believing that the planet is 'flat' ? This would be very problematic, and weird, considering they have trains and big cities and seemingly quite modern technologies...

      >Despite offering numerous possibilities for why Luna fell
      -While providing nothing about them...

      >Furthermore, her patron, Wing Soar
      -What ? Suddenly no ''Princess'' title ? Why was it there in the first place anyway ?


      ... I don't know what to say, really... Those last, and new, 2 parts weren't ''terrible'', but they certainly didn't raise (for plenty of reasons) my interest by much (if any), I must say ...

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    77. Pegusi.
      Right in the frakking beginning.
      No, I think I won't read this.
      I mean spelling mistakes are usually easily forgiven, but right in the frakking beginning?!
      What the hay.

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    78. I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed this story! I liked it when I first read just the story, but felt that the ending was... weird. But after reading your "in character" commentary, I understood why the tense was so different. While it would seem like a single story to us far in the "future" for whom it was all in the past, or to someone like Celestia who was so long-lived that it was all in the "present", to Inked Scroll, the story would have been broken into that long, unfathomable part that could only be told as legend, and then the part that she witnessed unfold right before her. It makes so much more sense that way! In fact, now that I realize that's how it's supposed to be, I can hardly understand how I didn't get it in the first place. Funny how that works. lol...

      Anyhow, thanks for sharing this! I sure enjoyed it.

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    79. This is the first Fan fic I ever read after joining the fandom. Even if it's not cannon, it's still special to me.

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