• Story: Fractured Lightning (Update Part 6!)


    Author: Eonseig
    Description: On an expedition to the extreme north of Everfree Forest, Twilight and the CMC accidentally set an ancient being free from a slumber of over 4000 years. Who was he, why was he sealed, and what forces are set in motion by his release?
    A Crack of Thunder (All Chapters)(New Part 6)

    Additional Tags: Deity. Mystery. History. Twilight Sparkle, Not quite human in Equestria, Lost Civilization, Progenitors


    1. Haha, I always defaulted to Non-Fanfiction mode but I'm using my phone to access the site. So I can't be in non-fanfiction mode. Low and behold I see my painting for a story.

      I don't mind my picture being used, I know it's a common theme here at this site...you know, I may give this story a read. It would be my first fan fiction but I do like Comedy.

    2. @Tsitra360

      So you drew that?! I got it up as a wall paper for my desktop. Looks freaking great! =D

    3. @Raven
      Eyup. That will be my painting. Here's the origin, you can go to it and click download to use it at it's highest quality. http://Tsitra360.deviantart.com/art/Late-Night-Studying-216547214. I'm glad you like it.

    4. Doth mine eyes see a Jaws reference...?
      A bigger boat indeed.
      I also can't help but think this is a crossover with some kind of mythology. Probably Norse or similar, due to the whole lightning and smithing thing. Or maybe some kind of pagan deal, with the golems? It's definitely something of the areas North and West of Greece/Rome. If at all, of course.

    5. Well then. What can I say. I've got nothing, really. There is nothing bad to say and its to early to say anything worthwhile about the story. You've grabbed my attention and I'll be here for chapter 4.

    6. Hey ponies. Chapter 4 is being delayed further than I first expected. I kinda started to hate where it was going halfway through it and cut a lot of what was there. A large portion is being rewritten while I fix the train wreck I created.

      Expect part 4 tonight or tomorrow.

      Also, I'm sort of regretting asking for a comedy tag. This is mostly an action-adventure drama with comedy scenes thrown in for flavor.

    7. Some quality writing ruined by a Gary Stu. I couldn't finish the third chapter it got so overt (Super powers for everyone! Complete and total trust for the OC by the main cast!).
      If the fourth chapter changes this I might be willing to continue on. Can someone dump a synopsis for where it's going at this point?

    8. @Anonymous

      What in blue blazes are you babbling about, anon?

      How is this dude a Gary Stu? We don't have anything like a character for him yet, and the dude's pretty obviously a god-king so super powers are kind of a given.

      "I couldn't finish the third chapter..." - Read: "I jumped to conclusions about the OC and the plot and couldn't be bothered to read on to see if I was wrong", which is why, I'm assuming, you seemingly start just making stuff up. Complete trust by the mane cast? WHERE?! Out of the six, only Twilight and Dash have even met him yet, Twilight being afraid of him and Dash repeatedly refusing to trust him, though even if she does warm up to him in chapter 4, she'd have a pretty good reason; namely the pair fighting for theirs, Twilight's and the CMC's lives.

      tl;dr: If you're going to trash something, at least have the decency to finish it. Bad form anon. Bad form.

    9. The fourth chapter is missing. No real reason to delete it, it seemed ot be working fine as it was...

    10. part 4 -> chapter 3
      This story is great so far. Can't wait for chapter 4.

    11. At first I was like "Oh sweet, a human as a godlike figure from prehistory. That's pretty sweet." And then I saw "sword" and "trenchcoat" and my OH GOD WHY alarm went off. But now that chapter has gone missing. I hope if it's being rewritten it drops the sword and coat. He's a thundergod that works metal, a hammer would be thematic and practical. Basically ANYTHING but a sword. Or a trenchcoat. No, not even if it's made of golden scale armor.

    12. I have eagerly awaited your update all day. I was confused where I saw that chapter 3 disappeared. I checked several time throughout the day and then found your update. I have to say that I am very upset with your changes. In fact I was so upset that I made an account to send you a pm. Sadly, I am unable to send a pm for 24 hours. So, I will post it here.

      If you would refer to the person in question,, it is clear that he did not read the entire chapter and jumped to conclusions. The accusations he lays are nonsensical. You clearly do not have much confidence in your writing ability. I thought that the the things that happened were well justified. While he is powerful and suffers from amnesia, It does not mean that he would be completely useless. Feeling will always arise before the memories that caused them to occur. When I saw his behavior I chalked it up to being an instinct. He seems to be to me a warrior god. And as a god of that type I would expect combat to be second nature to him. The teleportation trinket was convenient but not out of place. It makes sense as otherwise they would die.

      As for the earth blood I am not sure what you are talking about. But if you are referring to twilight's strength, then I have to say it has already been established.

      I do take your point about the language barrier. But, if you follow that logic than what about the conversation in the metal chamber below the ruins? Also, if they cant communicate, then how is there any story at all? It is seen time and time again. It is convenient to make them speak the same language to help the story flow. It is good for the story. Being realistic in that respect often takes away from the story and makes it tedious and boring. I fin the idea of a worthless addle-brained war-god flailing around like an idiot to be very un-enjoyable just as much as I find a competent god that I cant understand.

      I want to state that I am not trying to tell you how or what you should write. But, I am telling you that in my eyes everything went well together.

      Quite frankly I am mad that I did not save everything to disk before you removed it all. I think it worked well for the story. Do not let one neigh sayer dissuade you from your chosen course so easily. Also, if you would read the post below anon you would see another anon that says the same thing I said:

      "How is this dude a Gary Stu? We don't have anything like a character for him yet, and the dude's pretty obviously a god-king so super powers are kind of a given."

      Hopefully, you will restore the removed chapters and continue on writing as you have been. I have to say that I was eagerly awaiting chapter four and now I just feel dissapointed. Expect a pm from me in 24 hours.


    13. As a critic who places a very high value on originality in his fics, let me just say that this is about as original as a fanfic can get. This is just flippin' great.

    14. No more Vindictus-inspired things? Aww, ok.
      Although it would have been nice to see Celestia and/or the mane 6 fighting Glas. Or the Succubus.

    15. @Select Few

      Well, it's not like I won't take ideas as little details, but I won't do such blatant copying of Vindictus elements like Ahglan. Using Black Hammer set as a description of Eon's armor was more describing the shape of the clothing and not what it actually looks like. There will be some Vindictus-style action later on if that's something you were hoping on.

      I'm finding myself increasingly dissaitsfied with chapter 1, as I feel its quality is significantly lower than anything that's come after it. However, after my first reboot I'm in no hurry to overhaul it. Re-writing chapter 1 to improve the introduction of the story is something I will save for a later time, most likely when I've gotten to the major conflict of the overarching plot.

    16. Shit this is good. Keep it up.
      Eon is pretty badass. Like a cross between Thor, Guts, and Naruto.
      Also. Nightmare Moon is basically Starscream now. ROFL.


    18. Okay, apparently it's Berserk, an extremely cult-popular anime that I've never seen.

      Yes, I now see the comparison. No, I don't think I can make this story THAT bloody, seeing as it's labeled [Dark] and not [Grimdark].

      But seriously, NARUTO?! I want to strangle puppies and then use their bodies to beat baby seals to death, now.

    19. @Eonseig
      Yes Berserk. But ignore the anime, start reading the manga scans. They will change your view on dark fantasy forever.
      I compared him to Thor for obvious reasons, Guts for baddassery, and Naruto for the "I have a dark entity sealed in my body and it makes me kinda emo".

    20. The Naruto comparison on those grounds is correct...

      But not for the exact reasons you're thinking of.

      Sorry, I just hate Naruto with a passion.

    21. This comment has been removed by the author.

    22. Awesome chapter. Did you just Lantern Corps the Terror? And the length of the story and chapters is irrelevant to me personally as long as it keeps being awesome and doesn't get abandoned.

    23. I don't read DC comics so...I have no idea.

    24. Well, this is certainly looking interesting! I've only read up to chapter 3, but this story is looking good so far! Please tell me you're continuing it...

      Also, if you'd like a pre-reader/someone to just go through and make sure spelling/grammar/etc is correct, I'd be more than happy to lend a hoof.

    25. This story seems to have vanished from fanfiction.net and fimfiction.net, along with the author's accounts. Pretty disappointing.