• Story: Of Ponies and Men (Update Part 3 !)

    [Normal] Human in Equestria! Complete with a new human tag.

    Author: Zephyrus Anemoi Fiction
    Description: Twilight Sparkle should know by now that not all is as it seems. A perfectly normal day in Ponyville is interrupted by a strange summons by the princess. What follows could shake Twilight's beliefs to the very core. If Equestria survives.
    Of Ponies and Men Part 1
    Of Ponies and Men Part 2
    Of Ponies and Men Part 3 (New!)

    Of Ponies and Men (All Links) 


    Additional Tags: Ponies need help from a brony

    49 comments:

    1. That Twilight picture is frakking awesome

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    2. What new human tag? O.o

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    3. Oh wait... I see it... *Facepalm* Sorry...

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    4. Well I guess Twilight does look a lot like Stocking. I've had people mistake her for a Stocking pony, anyway.

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    5. >Complete with a new human tag.
      Right.

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    6. "Reads title"

      Of Mice and Men is one of my favorite books ever.

      *Reads*

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    7. *Reads first paragraph*

      Okay this is nothing like Of Mice and Men, and I don't feel like reading fanfiction right now. kthanxbye

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    8. Well written and quite interesting so far. However, the description told way more about the story than the first chapter so far, so I guess I'll wait for more chapters before giving additional feedback.

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    9. Yeah, gonna need to see more.

      So far, I'm having trouble imagining interaction, or inflection in speech. For a fic so heavy with dialog, that can be a bad thing, so eh.

      A little more description and narration beyond dialog would help tons.

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    10. It's pretty good, although a bit slow to start.

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    11. Dammit, now I wanna peanut butter sammich.

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    12. I will withhold my vote untill chapter 2 comes out. It was a good start, but I felt it started a little slow. But a good read.

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    13. Slow start, but the first chapter introduces no less than THREE separate plot elements that may have significance to the over all plot of the story.

      1) Mysterious Books from Nowhere - Human literature is stated by Twilight to appear from noPony knows where. Twilight appears to assume some Pony or Ponies is actually writing them, but given how long this has apparently been going on, that seems unlikely. Also, we may have out explanation for why all Pony tech seems designed for humans: the Pony inventors were all inspired by descriptions in human books!

      2) Cutie Marks - given that this is one of the singular most distinguishing features that Ponies have and all other creatures - humans included - DON'T have, I suspect something significant is going on here. No idea what though.

      3) Rarity's parents - They SEEM to be just filler, but there could be something more there.

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    14. @Anonymous
      An interesting take. I do like the first part you talked about (why do pony cups have human handles??). That would actually be a really interesting discussion point if it comes up with the human.

      I feel the rest was, so far, filler, but who knows. I'm guessing the CMCs may become involved, but I have no idea about Rarity's parents; that seemed like a way to get everypony together.

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    15. Is this, by any chance, connected to the Discworld?

      Okay, forget that, but that's been interesting so far.

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    16. @Anonymous

      Zebras appear to have Cutie Marks, or at least Zecora appears to have one. I can't say it's conclusively a pony-only thing.

      Overall I think a few more chapters should have been done before publishing. It ended on a cliffhanger but no solid hook so far, at least to me. That message could be "anything."

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    17. *Realizes he's listening to Of Mice and Men's new album as he reads* Coincidence? Perhaps. XD

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    18. This is a great setup for the impending chaos. I hope the next part is just as good!

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    19. Continue now or I'll ask Seth to banish you to the moon. I can be very aggressive.

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    20. i usually like cats but i swear i would shoot Opal if i had the chance >:)


      a very good writing there :D... keep it up .. me likey :D

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    21. So apparently a human is supposed to show up at some point in this story.

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    22. I usualy dont read stories in English, but I did exception and I dont regret. Cant wait for 3rd part :)

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    23. Man this is schizophrenic. You have the whole mysterious human books thing, then the slice of life at Rarity's....then suddenly a secret crisis? It's....I mean it's very gripping and I will read more as it comes out....but as it stands now it's like the author took a bunch of topics and asked "Will it blend?".

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    24. How would I be able to follow this?
      I don't come here very often, but I definitely want to continue reading this story.

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    25. A story thats about a human, there isn't much human in these 2 chapters....

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    26. Not: "WHO, WHO-WHOO"
      *puts on sunglasses*
      But "The Who"
      YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

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    27. ...Wow. This almmost deserves a Grimdark Tab for that Nightmare sequence in Chapter 2... O_O

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    28. I agree, it was pretty intense.

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    29. Zephyrus, Y U NO UPDATE STORIES!!!!
      Sorry, but it has been a few weeks now...

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    30. I got the feeling the next chapter is coming soon, and I can't wait!

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    31. I hope he updates soon, I'm tired of waiting!!

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    32. A wave of heat struck the two ponies, followed closely by a nauseating stench.  Twilight’s eyes began to water as she beheld the mess in front of her.  Gristly lumps floated in bottles of runny-looking milk, the orange juice had turned brown, bundles of vegetables had begun to wilt, while a large bushel of apples looked more like prunes.  And Twilight was sure that hay wasn’t supposed to be that shade of orange.  On impulse, she slammed the door shut.

      Wat
      1 Orange Juice doesn't go bad for a while especially in less than a day
      2 The Milk would not be runny, it would actually be more solid
      3 Vegetables, apples and hay don't go bad that fast when theyre outside let alone after being in a refrigerator
      Dude, seriously

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    33. I am usually skeptical of "humans in Equestria" stories, but this is really good so far.

      I must admit, though, that after reading the first three chapters, I sighed a little when I looked at this post again and saw the "ponies need help from a brony" tag. I would really like to see a "humans in Equestria" story where they interact with a wizened old lady or a little boy or a woman working in a steel factory in WWII, or anyone other than a brony.

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    34. Can we expect a pairing with Twilight? Or anywhere?

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    35. Oh...oh God...

      I JUST finished reading this bullshit.

      I gotta say; not a fan.

      This story is BORING. Okay, sure, it's nice to have a little more development before bringing the human to Equestria, sure, but for fuck sake! We're three chapters in, and this is only the SECOND mention of humanity in the whole fucking THING!

      The rest of it has been inconsequential padding, in which Applebloom bitches about things she's ALWAYS bitched about (but with FAR less subtlety), Rarity has to clean her house for her parents' arrival (riveting...I was CLEARLY at the edge of MY seat).

      Then we have Twilight totally INVERT Pinkie's message of keeping a friend's trust by assuming she's doing wrong by NOT blurting out top-secret information to all her friends (but, y'know, Spike having a crush on Rarity? TOTALLY necessary to keep secret).

      This fic gets so stupid it's really incredible. At some points there are little bursts of creativity, but every other line has you asking "WHY!?!?!?!?"

      For instance, at one point Applejack shows up to berate some royal pegasi...for flying over her house too loudly.

      I must ask how one flies so loudly with WINGS that it disturbs Applejack enough for her to complain about it in person. What would she do if a low-flying helicopter ever flew over the farm? Blast it out of the fucking sky??

      Oh, and then, the grand-daddy of dumb:

      Princess Celestia talks with Luna about natural hot-springs...

      ...and complains about how she's been trying to INSTALL one...

      ...a NATURAL, hot spring...

      ...in the palace...

      Are you taking the PISS??? Could the writer be such a shrieking, incompetent jagoff that he'd put THESE words into the mouth of the wisest character in the series???

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    36. JDude kinda expanded on my previous comment, and though I didn't have quite the negative reaction as him, it's all a good point.

      The author talks about taking so long, etc., and all for...what? The last chapter isn't much of anything.
      This is hardly new with fanfic (I've seen stories stall for YEARS and have a new chapter that's less meaty than this one), but really at the moment there's pretty much absolutely no apparent need for chapter 1 at ALL, outside of perhaps the part with the books, and the last couple paragraphs, and the whole Applejack thing, plus Twi having a conniption over keeping stuff a secret is really really dumb.
      And again, what did the latest chapter add? It's basically "Twilight goes to Canterlot, gets there and shoots shit with the Princesses for a bit". Honestly, the first three chapters could easily be consolidated into one and unless there's some sort of grand foreshadowing scheme, nothing would be lost.

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    37. Summoning a Human... don't they need Firefly-err, Rainbow Dash for that? ;)

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    38. Time to see how many things i can find that do not make sense

      - 1st chapter has utterly no significance

      - ALREADY WENT THROUGH THAT REFRIGERATOR FAIL OF DECOMPOMPOSITION SHIT

      - How could an eclipse happen if celestia and luna made it so the sun and the moon go down when the other goes up, and how could it be an event?

      - If twilight was in that situation, she probably would think it through, and decide that it must be important and if her princess deemed it important that she should keep it as secret as she could possibly do. Granted she is a bad liar

      - The dream sequence is just silly

      - "The tinkling of glass echoed throughout the night as Twilight unconsciously threw her water somewhere into the night."

      Ummm...so apparently she found a glass turned, on the water, filled the glass, and brought it back to her without anything breaking. Or, she threw it out of the window. Either way it doesn't make sense.

      - I highly doubt an equestrian soldier would make such angry threats.

      - I don't think think she should be nervous about lying to her friends as much as what the princess is about to do with her.

      - Luna is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to formal(I added a's for emphasis =D).

      - "They are crying out Twilight."

      If it actually means exactly that, then you don't explain why they're calling out twilight. Otherwise:
      They are crying out, Twilight.

      - So with the elements of harmony still around why humans, i'm you'll explain it next chapter though.

      Please do what past sins did and rewrite this entire thing pllzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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    39. 3 chapters, almost 0 action.if you want to set up some character interaction before human sommoning do it quickly...you did 3 chapters full of slow useless description about everything and the only 3 interactions you set up so far are:
      - twilight must go to the castle for dark ritual ( and that's the plot)
      - Twlight feel guilty hiding the truth from her friends
      - Celestia loves japenese bath( the last scene about tub was fun and kinda cute).
      also update pwease

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    40. Part four plz, o believe apt of people are waiting for it, BTW, great story

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