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[Grimdark][Adventure] More Adventure!
Author: BronyCray
Description: Twilight enlists the help of Rainbow Dash to aid her with a new spell, but new magic can be unpredictable.
Special thanks to unitoone for the new art!All Chapters after the break!
DA
The Night that Never Ended
The Night that Never Ended Part 2
The Night that Never Ended Part 3
The Night that Never Ended Part 4
The Night that Never Ended Part 5
The Night that Never Ended Part 6
The Night that Never Ended Part 7
The Night that Never Ended Part 8
The Night that Never Ended Part 9
The Night that Never Ended Part 10
The Night that Never Ended Part 11
The Night that Never Ended Part 12
The Night That Never Ended Part 13
The Night That Never Ended Part 14
The Night That Never Ended Part 15
The Night That Never Ended Part 16
The Night That Never Ended Part 17
Atrocity
The Night That Never Ended Part 18
The Night That Never Ended Part 19
The Night That Never Ended Part 20 (New!)
Alternates
The Night that Never Ended (All Links)
The Night that Never Ended (All Links)
Additional Tags: Loyalty, Breakdown, Trials, Mistrust, Redemption.
Fan Art!
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519 comments:
Rarity.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I can kind of understand most of the flak she gets, but I heartily disagree anyways. Yes, she was wrong. But has anypony ever considered WHY she would do such stupid things?
I think when she decided to stop reading the reports and let her generosity get out of control, she had already given up ANY hope for the town's long term survival. Given that, she was actually doing the least wrong thing that she could possibly think of. She made the last days of the townspoeple as bearable as possible, sacrificing longevity for comfort.
This came back to bite her when the supplies ran out JUST when hope for possible long term survival returned. So yes, she screwed up big time, but I don't think calling her incompetent for that is fair, much less hating her.
Applejack.
Well, what can I say? She agreed with Rarity and came up with a good way... no, with a WAY... to help her with what she was doing. She abandoned her Element of Harmony because lives were more important to her than honesty. Because honesty couldn't help her anymore in New Ponyville. She hated that, she isn't proud of it and it ended up causing problems. But it was just a bad decision and no reason to condemn her. I just feel sorry for her, just like the rest of the mane six.
The Townsfolk.
Yes, I can understand why so many here harbour such nasty feelings toward them, but I think they fail to consider a crucial detail.
THEIR WORLD WAS SHATTERED AND THEIR SOULS GROUND UP TO A FINE POWDER.
Think about it. They practically lived in a paradise. A peaceful utopia. Not quite heaven, it still had its problems, but it was still a paradise.
And one night it all just suddenly ends, all the plants and wild animals DIE, their tasty food gets replaced with mushroom sludge (with a secret ingredient), the day gets replaced with a terrible dark void that actually EATS AWAY ARTIFICIAL LIGHT after some short distance and their town gets burned down and they barely escape with their lives, losing even many of those during the escape.
Their paradise becomes a hell. They are broken. A lot of them commit suicide because they just can't take it.
I don't blame them for becoming irrational and merciless. I just feel sorry for them. I'm crying right now, while typing these very words, because I feel so sorry for them.
Really, the only ponies that I feel are truly irrediemable are the NMM loyalists among the Royal Guard and the Shadowbolts, especially Trixie.
Nightmare Moon herself only counts if she's actually just Princess Luna and not a combination of her and an outside influence that has taken control of her. I read on Tvtropes that Lauren Faust (or someone else working on the show) actually said (or hinted, not sure) that Luna didn't become Nightmare Moon on her own, that SOMEthing MADE her turn into the evil monster pony.
So IF she is not JUST Luna, then I only hate the outside influence, whatever it is.
Everypony else I can easily forgive their mistakes.
Tl;dr Stop hating all those poor characters, they've been through a lot and some lapses of judgement are understandable.
ReplyDeleteI'm.... speechless
ReplyDeletejust... wow. I've managed to overlook the numerous editorial errors in this simply because the story is so absolutely captivating. I literally cannot wait for the next chapters. It's 7am right now... I started reading this at midnight.
wow
What scene is that fan art from?? I can't remember.
ReplyDeletePart 14 :
ReplyDelete>First my magic, now my friends, she thought as she lay, not noticing that her eyes were tearing up. What have I got left in this place?
-I would also like to know, really ?
>There was a horrendous screech as the rock above the gateway to New Ponyville was gashed open several inches deep
-Wait ? I know it has been a while, but... weren't Trixie's troops somewhere near in the ''general area'' of New Ponyville, and not directly AT the entrance of it ?
-And with the ''large pony on fire'' thing, well... didn't Trixie had tons of troops around, waiting ? Dozens of ponies aren't coming to see what's happening, with the fire and the screams ?
>Big Macintosh, standing over him protectively
-Huh... he came with the Original RD, I suppose ?
>Celestia, just one glimmer of hope, that’s all I ask!
-Funny. I think I find this funny... for some reasons.
>We could make our way to one of the main cities and lie low until my magic returns
-Oh, now it can ''return'' ?
I thought it was supposed to be a complete anihilation of unicorn's magic, 1 or 2 chapters ago ?
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteIt's been awhile since the last chapter, but I went back and reread it in preparation of this one. In 13, Trixie told the warrant officer to bring the captain and a kill squad to the entrance of New Ponyville, quite a ways away from where the main force was camping. The idea was that it would look like her patrol was ambushed, and the captain killed. The real RD happened to be leaving town at the same time during that they arrived, causing the whole fight directly outside the stone door/gate/thing.
In regards to the magic thing, it was never clear whether or not the burnout was permanent. As some readers above have pointed out, however, Trixie's army also lost their magic for a bit, but since they were so close to the center it returned quickly. Logically, that implies that New Ponyville will recover, given enough time.
"Pinkie, you've gotta stand up tall
ReplyDeleteLearn to face your fears
You'll see that they can't hurt you
Just laugh and make them disappear."
I wonder... How long will it take for Rainbow to realise her other self is most likely responsible for the death of other Twilight, and the subsequent failure of their entire venture?
ReplyDeleteAfter all, had Rainbow 2.0 been loyal enough to her friends not to take on Nightmare Moon's offer... well, the suvivors would not have needed to do the horrible things they did. And believing the Captain cares for the lives of Ponyvillians because Rainbow does is highly flawed thinking.
She isn't like Rainbow.
If she were, none of this would've happened.
Twilight already has a hunch that something happened that made the Elements of Harmony fail, but it's probably not what she's thinking right now. They're ignoring the obvious, and I can't help but speculate whether their ignorance is willful.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteActually, I'm with the theory of alt-Dash was beaten to an inch of her life after "sacrificing" herself (thus the 'death' scream and maniacal laugh from alt-NMM), before taking (grudgingly) her up on the offer for the reasons of:
* this saves her life
* (supported by "canon" in the fic) she was technically upholding the 'law' and maintaining 'order' (no looters), albeit under a crooked government
* alt-NMM possibly agreed not to immediately hunt down and kill alt-Dash's friends
* _technically_ is still being loyal (except it is being loyal lackey)
Not to mention that, in the "canon" of the fic, alt-Dash is still an idealist who takes the only other idealist (alt-Spitfire) as her second in command. Basically, she's not COMPLETELY evil, her element isn't broken because she is still being completely loyal, she's just loyal to the wrong cause for now.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeletePiece of advice:
Don't even try to make the alt-mane six look good, you will fail miserably. They are NOT good! Nothing can justify killing, being so depressed over loosing some friends, stupidity, lying and being loyal to the bad guy (means, not givin' a shit about your friends, the REAL ones that would accualy care about you), what makes you believe you can? This is a screwed up alt-reality, nothing is good there, if it wasn't obvious enough till now, heck if I remember well, Cpt.Dash is also responsible for Spike's death.
I realy dont know, unless Pony Jesus appears I dont think anything can redeem them.
eagerly awaiting next chapter, want to see how the ponyvillians are going to react when Twi will reveal the truth.
@Dawn
ReplyDeleteLook, Cpt. Dash has indeed been doing some bad things, but what was she supposed to do? Spit in NMM's eye? Yes, that would have made her look very heroic…for a few seconds, after which it would make her look very dead, and how much good could she do then? She's doing the best she can, which, while not exactly free of evil, is still the most good she can do.
Pinkie's neither evil nor good; she's just sadly insane and broken.
Flutterhsy? Nothing can justify killing? Who would take care of the animals if all of the ponies died of malnutrition? They'd don't do it themselves, you know. Again, it's not very good, but it's the best she can do.
I don't really have any apologies for Rarity and Applejack, though; they did what they thought was right out of the depths of despair, but they certainly could have done more good than they did, even without the benefit of hindsight.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI must say I'm reasonably surprised that the "this whole thing is solely Captain Dash's fault" idea is still floating around after what happened in Chapter 14.
It could still have been alt-Twilight's fault, maybe NMM will reveal that during an inevitable meeting between herself and Twilight.
ReplyDelete@Dawn
ReplyDeleteThis is anon from 7/21/11 1@ 0:36 p.m.
Um. I don't think Cpt. Dash was responsible for Spike's death...
"heck if I remember well", Cpt. Dash was sparring with normal Dash in that scene, and it was Soaren (I think that's how you spell it...) getting knocked into a precariously leering tree by alt-Spitfire that indirectly caused Spike's death.
On a more positive note:
"eagerly awaiting next chapter, want to see how the ponyvillians are going to react when Twi will reveal the truth"
'ponyvillians'
I see what you did there...
@anon^
ReplyDeleteoops, format fail...
I meant to type:
"This is anon from 7/21/11 @ 10:36 p.m."
e.g. to whom 'Dawn' was replying to
This has not been updated in a looooooooong time, I just want to know, why? I loved this fic but not it's not been updated in over a month so I've been losing interest, does anypony at all know when this is going to be updated?
ReplyDelete@greydragon412
ReplyDeleteIn case you did not notice, chapter 14 was added last week. And the creator does update us on his status. http://bronycray.deviantart.com/
Needs a luna/Nightmaremoon tag.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteomg noes! I have been found out! quick my stealth jacket!
"Ponyvillians" yeah I should think that this would look stupid, my bad, I thing you get the point tho xD
Anyway, Spike's death, what irritated me then was that she didn't seem to care all that much.
Also, according to what I have read so far Cpt.Dash seems to be loyal to NMM and accualy wants her to continue ruling Equestria, if that's incorrect then I can't see the reason to why Trixie should be so nervous, if the Captain is realy a traitor she has nothing to fear.
Next, I am not in anyway trying to imply (except if I did try, in which case I am sorry) that it was Cpt.Dash's fault that the elements failed. NMM could have easily killed Twilight before her friends even reached her preventing the "spark" from happening, or it could be that their friendship wasn't strong enough in this universe. We can't blame any of the alt-six for failing yet cause we don't have a clue about what happened that night that never ended.
Still Pinkie Pie is over-reacting, in a situation where action is needed she just locks her mind from the outside world running away like a foal. I can't help but not feel sorry for her, just like Shinji from Neon Genesis, running away from reality isn't an option, cause you can't do it, which will eventually lead you to depression.
Fluttershy. Believe me it was harsh to see cute little Fluttershy killing her animal friends to make food for her friends. Still it was a horrible act. If I feel sad about someone it is Fluttershy, cause she was the one that had close to no choice, her element+personality combo would never allow her to not treat her friends well.
Rarity was just acting stupid, or just thought that they wouldn't last long in new ponyville anyway so she just gave away all food, mind that I don't say she didn't care for the pony folk. Both ways to deal with such a situation were just plainly "Retarted" though(sorry for language). Again stupidity or depression, 2 things I won't tolarate in any way.
Applejack, like Rarity had good intentions, but again just like Rarity didn't consider the consequenses. By lying she gave false hope, temporalily saving some lives, but condemning them in the long run. (I dont believe everypony would commit suicide some ponies would have a strong enough will to live)
That leaves Twilight, who is apparently dead (or is she?), so if you would be kind enough leave your message after the noise. BEEEEP.
I wonder if will get to see Celestia, meh probably not xD.
Still here waiting for NMM's arrival, immpress us BronyCray!
@Dawn
ReplyDeleteYes, Cpt. Dash wants NMM in power. This is the best she can do. For all she (and we) knows, Celestia is is dead and the day is just a hungry black abyss. Of NMM dies, what would stop that from happening to the night as well? Moreover, NMM keeps some sort of order in place; without her, there's a good chance things would plunge into hopeless chaos.
@Dawn
ReplyDeleteOh, and I still think that Alt!Twilight was the pony NMM sent to Manehattan with Trixie.
Am I the only one who is getting the impression that Nightmare Moon isn't as bad as the locals are painting her?
ReplyDelete@Roxor
ReplyDeleteNo.
This is how you do Grimdark people.
ReplyDeleteIt's Grimdark, not because it has violence, brutality, and death, but the sheer weight of it all that just crushes you.
Having this take place in an alternate dimension was a brilliant move by the author, because he gives us two characters to sympathize with and relate to.
Rainbow and Twilight Sparkle represent the readers, in my eyes, as most of their reactions to their friends' downfall is pretty spot on with our own reactions at points. It makes them a lot more relatable and sympathetic, seeing their friends' gifts twisted beyond belief is just one huge nightmare.
Which is what this really is, a horrible nightmare. If "Cupcakes" was meant to suck all the charm and good out of the original show, then this piece kicks it's ass to the curb because I was actually saddened while reading this.
I this want it to have a happy ending, which I know it's going to be the case.
Can't wait for the next one.
This story is so amazing. I LOVE IT! When is the next part coming? Pretty please, its killing me not knowing what happens next!!!!
ReplyDeleteOh and one more thing! Dear author, I don't know if you even read these comments anymore, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ignore the people hatin on your Dash and Captain and other characters!
ReplyDeleteHonestly this is the most interesting take on these characters I've seen in a while, just keep doing what you are, I have full faith that you will bring us all an intriguing and interesting take on these characters's journeys.
POST MORE PLEASE
I'm liking this idea.
ReplyDeleteAssuming that Alt!Rainbow is the first of many failings in the Elements, then she could be blamed for (or at least a contributor to) each of the remaing 5 having to make the hard decisions they did, in a kind of twisted take on the Sonic Rainboom from Cutie Mark Chronicles.
I still read these :)
ReplyDeleteI welcome all feedback, even just comments telling me how much I suck. If they say what sucks and why, that's something I can use to improve.
@BronyCray
ReplyDeleteThis. Is. The. Best. Grimdark. Fic. I. Have. Ever. Read.
It. Was. So. Epic. I. Can't. Stop. Typing. In. One. Word. Sentences.
I stand by my previous comment. There is a glimmer of hope in this dark and gloomy world.
ReplyDeleteThe DA link for part three needs to be fixed.
ReplyDeletehttp://bronycray.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d3g8l6v
Only read that far yet, pretty awesome though.
This... Is the most grimdark, hopeless fic I have read.
ReplyDeleteIt's filled with despair and lose-lose worse situatios that drive me to think that the only
kind and remotely happy ending for everyone in it is to kill themselves.
I haven't been this depressed about the situation in a fic ever.
Absolutely awesome, excellent writing and believable characters that react in a fashion you could see real people doing.
A must read if you can handle the grimdark.
5/5 stars.
Great new chapter! I agree with Aldea_Donder though, the fight scene was bit of a confusing mess. And I thought Trixie was with her army? At what point did she go back to the castle? Why? Maybe I just need to go back and reread the last chapter, but I just don't have the time right now.
ReplyDeleteMr BronyCray! Its been a while, where is the update? Please don't leave us hangin!
ReplyDeleteI tried to post this here earlier today, but for some reason it didn't go through
ReplyDeleteAugust 4th: Update time!
I'm about 2k words from finishing part 15, which is a little frustrating because there's about 10k more words worth of stuff I want to fit in. Most of my time writing so far has been spent sketching out a rough idea of where I want the story to go, so actualy putting fingers to keyboard has been slow (well,except for my super sekrit notes file).
Starting on the 7th, I'm going to be going on vacation. This either means I will have a lot of relaxation time to work on TNTNE, or I will have no time between family stuff. I'll be gone till the 11th, so we'll see then.
Thanks for the update man! (Or Lady?) Take some Adderall and knock that next chapter out before your break! :)
ReplyDeleteHello BronyCray!
ReplyDeleteI'd just like to say I'm a huge fan of this fic, it's one of the few that I'm dedicated to reading whenever a new chapter comes out!
In fact, I like it so much that I chose to write a piece of music (more a soundscape) for this competition: http://toastbeard.comli.com/pony/a/ZIQ05/index.php
and I based my entry on The Night That Never Ended!
I thought you'd like to know that you are inspiring to all artists, musical or otherwise! Keep up the great work!
Link to the piece: http://soundcloud.com/drdissonance1/the-night-that-never-ended-wip
Idea here. We're all focusing on the 5 elements that we know were corrupted, but we have no idea how they were corrupted or why they were. Perhaps Twilight's element was the one that was corrupted in the beginning, and by combining the elements she corrupted all the other ones too. This would explain why our universe's twilight had to come in and save all the elements of harmony.
ReplyDeleteAlso, even if it was all of the elements of harmony that were corrupted from the beginning, how do you think Twilight's element was corrupted? Her speech is the same, so maybe her magic was just weak? I dont know how the element of magic could be corrupted in such a way, but Im thinking that alternate Twilight might not have been perfect either.
Do you know how much I'm looking forward to chapter 15?
ReplyDeleteA lot. I mean - A LOT. That's how much.
I'll be honest; I'm not sure If I enjoy this story or not. Reading it literally makes me feel uncomfortable, yet I can't seem to stop. I read the first 4 installments before work yesterday, and the entire time i was at work I wondered - no, worried - about what was gonna happen next. Not a single chapter ends on a low note, and it seems like you have no end of curveballs to throw. The roller coaster is somehow gaining momentum, despite being an uphill travel. And even though I'm unsure about my honest opinion on the story, it's so captivating that I'll without fail check out the remaining two chapters posted, as well as any updates after that.
ReplyDeleteIn short, you've created the literary incarnation of cocaine. I'm not sure whether I should congratulate you or not.
My vacation got extended till tomorrow. I'm totally okay with this. I've done a bit of work, and should finish 15 within a few days of returning. As much as I hate to admit it, summer is coming to an end, and if I haven't finished TNTNE by the time I get back to school, I'm sure the chapters will come much faster once I'm no longer distracted by friends 24/7
ReplyDeleteAnd Dr. Dissonance, that blew my mind. Artists inspiring artists inspiring artists is a beautiful cycle, and I'm flattered that you chose my story as a theme :)
I'm still eagerly awaiting the next chapter and it's good to know it's still being worked on. Thanks for the update, BronyCray.
ReplyDeleteI NEED MORE!!!!!! THE WAITING IS UNBEARABLE!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI just thought of something. How come the world is not freezing over? I mean the sun is gone, and in both real life and official MLP canon the sun is what brings warmth to the world. With no sun, the world should be getting colder and colder until even the things that survive without light are dead. And it should kill MUCH faster than the lack of nourishment production by green plants.
ReplyDelete@theuncalledfor
ReplyDeleteThis has not been overlooked :P
@BronyCray
ReplyDeleteIt has not been overlooked, yet you do not really answer my question.
I'm guessing it's somehow relevant to the story and will be revealed later on.
Is that correct?
@theuncalledfor
ReplyDeleteyup. I just don't want to say too much.
AMAAAAAAAAAZING work on this story. FINISH IT NOA
ReplyDelete@BronyCray
ReplyDeleteThat's good, I don't want to hear any spoilers.
I DO want to know whether things are part of the story or a simple oversight, though. ;3
Er, yeah. Well, um... my bad.
ReplyDeleteOh wow, a way out, are we going to see the shadowbolts join the rebels here, because that would be pretty awesome!
ReplyDeleteGood to see this updated again, the Dash vs. Dash argument was an eye opener in that we now know why alternate timeline mane 6 couldn't defeat NMM and maybe how Twi and RD ended up in that dark forsaken world to begin with.Cap'n Dash is just plain heartless I can't buy her not wanting her world's Twilight to die she knew the risks and what would happen and yet she still betrayed the others to follow her 'dreams' On the plus side the jig is up for Trixie I shudder to think what Nightmare Moon will do to her...either way this doesn't bode well for new Ponyville.
ReplyDeleteWow! After reading chapter 15 I feel so...vindicated. I had the captain pegged not as merely arrogant but a borderline sociopath and I was right on the money. I don't even hate the captain anymore, she's just kind of pathetic and delusion. I mean, really, "I was loyal to my dreams", LOL! Let's see how long you live your dreams when Equestria becomes a lifeless rock in a matter of months, assuming you aren't assassinated by Trixie.
ReplyDeleteNice an update to one of my favorite Grimdark-War Fics; by chance will Discord be presented anywhere in this story or are my hopes of a unknown season 2 Bad guy Present in a Season one themed story silly?
ReplyDeleteI notice when Captain Dash was taking about how she hadn't even liked the others she left out Fluttershy...
ReplyDeleteOh damn, there's a scene for you...the captain confronting/being confronted by Fluttershy.
ReplyDelete@HMorris73
ReplyDeleteClever girl... >_> Too bad RD didn't notice this, too.
I don't even know what to think about anypony anymore. Well, our Twilight and Rainbow are obvious, they are still the same pure nice guys we all know and love.
ReplyDeleteBut the locals of this dark world? I don't even know if I can hate freaking Nightmare Moon anymore! She seems too blinded by her fears to see what she has turned the world into! And how can I be sure their Celestia was like the canon one? Maybe she was an evil bitch, like some fans believe the canon her to be! Or maybe... heck, I don't even know.
And I don't even know what Trixie is really planning and doing anymore!
I'll just have to keep reading and hope BronyCray will answer all my questions during the course of the story. (And if you don't, dear author, I will just ask you a lot of questions once the story is finished.)
This is my face from seeing this update:
ReplyDelete-->
._. o.o :D XD YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!
Part 15 : (It has been a while since last Part... From what I remember, everything and everpony was failling horribly, with essentially no clear chance of survival or improvement of the situation, and the Alt-World was a lost-cause... Basicly : 'Depression on all sides'. Let's see if I remembered well.)
ReplyDelete>You betrayed the spirit of loyalty for personal gain!”
>“No, I didn’t!” the captain yelled back
-Huh, yes she did ? Accepting ''an offer'', a ''job'' offer for ourself only, is a 'gain' that is quite 'personal', and here the choice was made against the one to support the others at (trying) saving the World...
>“Nightmare Moon had already won, Celestia was gone
-Well, that's why those 6 ponies were sent to get the Elements, duh... It 'technically' qualifies as a ''rescue'' (where the WORLD is kinda the objective).
>I had to choose between trusting some stupid rocks or following my dreams.
-Trusting some *ancient legendary ''rocks''*, in order to (at least, try) save a WHOLE planet, a planet worth of ponies(and griffins, dragons, etc...) with dreams... against following 1 single dream that dooms everypony else ?
Tough choice indeed ? (Alt-RD seems a bit dumb or is it just me ?)
>“Look, maybe I felt a little bad. I didn’t like her, but that doesn’t mean I wanted her to die, you know?”
-*whisper* Pssst... Me think there's also 'technically' a couple thousands (if not millions ?) skeletons in your closet... because of the whole Eternal Night, killing all oppositions, etc... that happened under Nightmare Moon's rule so far, you know ?
>“I do care! I don’t like seeing the world like this any more than you do, foal!”
-''But intead of trying to prevent it in the first place, I sided with the Bad Evil Mare of Darkness...'' (It seems like 'logic' wasn't distribued equally, when the Universes were created ?)
>“I know that it’s a little bit my fault
-The 'euphemism of the MILLENIUM !' Award goes to... Alt-RD !
>I never betrayed them, regardless of how you judge me.”
-The rest of the planet, on the other hoof...
>“Under the same circumstances, I’d make the same choice.” The captain answered without hesitation.
-She heard about the other Universe where EVERYTHING AND EVERYPONY IS FINE, she now has that knowledge... yet, she says that she would still make the choice that would 'essentially' DOOM of planet and its population to a slow death ?
Damn Alt-RD is moronic, like it's not possible ?
Where's the -RESET- button of this Universe ? ...it's probably the Universe B, anyway.
... Well, it was 'slightly' more interesting that what I first recalled (except for Alt-RD, she got dumber apparently). They are all still pretty much comdemned, but as least NOW they(any pony we ''could'' call ''good'') seem to be trying to do ''something'' about it ...
I loved this story, but I forgot its name and where I found it, and now I found it again. With new parts! This is going to be so awesome!
ReplyDelete@BronyCray
ReplyDeleteHey dude, I know that writing a new chapter is tough and takes a long time to write, however this story hasn't been updated for over a month and a half. You also, as far as i can tell, last responded to a reader's comment on september 12th and haven't been heard since.
I don't mean to rush you or say that I have grown impatient, I'm am just worried that this fic has somehow died.
I hope your still working on this fic and that you see it through
If you could just show that you are still engaged in writing this fic, I would be happy beyond words
>I would be happy beyond words
ReplyDeleteme also.
One of my very favourite fics... I often check in to make sure I didn't somehow miss an update!
ReplyDeleteSuch a brilliant piece of work so far...
It would be a shame if you didn't finish it, but I know you must have many other things going on too.
Still, I would really love to see a continuation of this. Its a truly special one.
Many thanks, and much admiration,
Pawn Heart
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI found this a beautifully written story. I wasn't convinced to look at ponies in a new way though... cause this is how I see everything. I had to grow up pretty fast as a kid, so I was introduced to the ugly in life long before I should have. Your story is like an episode to me. Congrats on not making it suck. Just one thing I cant stand... Twilight is an idiot who has yet to come to terms that she is in a world that is NOTHING like her happy everything is alright world. And soon shes going to have to face the goddamn facts that not all choices are fucking "rainbows and butterflies".
ReplyDeleteTo be fair, this was stuck at 472 comments for nearly a month as well, so there wasn't much to respond to :P
ReplyDeleteI update chapter progress and random bits of buisiness over at my DA (http://bronycray.deviantart.com/), which is also a much easier way to keep up on TNTNE news. I generally only make major announcements here, since not as many people check only this post for news. Since I just posted it there a few minutes ago, I'll go ahead and announce here as well that chapter 16 is undergoing final revisions before being posted. Expect it on tues, thurs, or friday.
But yea, I'll have a big explanation for why this chapter has taken a particularly long time when I post it. I'd do it now, but it contains spoilers.
ReplyDeleteYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteIts coming!!!!!!!!
EVERYPONY, BRACE YOURSELVES!!!!!!!!!
I don't want to read thru all the comments because of the spoilers, so can someone tell me how Grimdark this one actually is?
ReplyDelete(ahem) ...'A brief dissertation, on the updateof the Night that Never Ended, by Pawn Caecilius Heart ... YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY WOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OHMIGOSH OHMIGOSH THANK YOU THANKYOUTHANKYOU'. That is all'
ReplyDelete@Damazania exorbitantly grimdark.
ReplyDelete@Cameron
ReplyDeleteI'm bit tired so I worded my question bit wrong.
What I meant was what kind of Grimdark this story is?
Is it just murder and death in every other page and angst everywhere? Or is it type where death and and other dark stuff is used enough to create atmosphere but not so much it loses it's impact when it happens, while still keeping some kind hope alive?
@Damazania I don't think the grimdark is overused to the point of being redundant; the 6-star rating is justified. There's angst and death in almost every chapter, but that's really the nature of the story.
ReplyDeleteYou'd really have to read it before you could decide if you liked it or not. Personally I don't like avoiding stories based on its classification. Take it for its premise more than its category, I think.
Ponies put in lose-lose situations and forced to make decisions they would rather avoid. There is still a slim glimmer of hope. I'm personally hoping for Trixie redemption rather than Celestia saving the day. We'll see. This is Adventure. But the world is grim.
ReplyDelete@Damazania
ReplyDeleteIt's the type where death is used to create the atmosphere. It doesn't happen in every chapter, but its enough to keep you reminded just how bad the world they're trapped in is. There's also constant references to starvation and destruction, as well as decreasing moral.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteYes! Chapter 16! I'll be reading it tomorrow, and I just want to say that I'm happy to see the update. For a moment there... I was starting to think the fic had been abandoned. *phew*
ReplyDeleteHoly shiiit yes, it's alive!
ReplyDeleteI finally caught up with part 16, and I totally saw that coming. I had figured out the solution about seven chapters ago. I just wish I could prove it.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, I'm waiting with anticipation!
loving the new chapter to death! although starting to see actual goodness in NMM.. well, i guess redemption IS part of the whole plot and all.
ReplyDeleteand on a side note.. hmm.. well, i guess it would kinda break the tone, but one would think with all the.. well, discord, Discord would have been freed or something.
I started reading this two days ago and I just finished now. Please keep this going. I thought this story was fantastic. I wanna know what happens next!
ReplyDeleteIt's been so long since we got an update. :(
ReplyDeletecontinues?
ReplyDeleteTis the season for giving.
ReplyDeleteOr rather, it will be very, very soon.
Is this dead...? :(
ReplyDeleteSuch good fic, and unfortunately dead (?). What a pity. I want it to update so hard.
ReplyDelete* A Fanfic That Never Ended:(
ReplyDeleteJust updated, Not dead. So shut up all of you.
ReplyDeleteI need to stop getting drawn to these. Plowing through 17 chapters of this is not good for my sleep schedule.
ReplyDeletehmmm the foreman's name is Red... Red Foreman? I see what you did there.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could give this more than five stars.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the update, so the promised xmas-present was finally delivered :-)
ReplyDeleteI may not have proof of my previous prediction, but I'm going to say this now. I wouldn't be surprised if the Twilight from this universe came back. I don't know how or why, but it seems so obvious. When the five elements are gathered, the sixth will appear! :D Can't wait for the next chapter....!
ReplyDeleteI really hope you feel inclined to continue, Bronycray... this is one of the best fanfics around and I can tell I'm not alone in thinking this!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing such a marvellous, thoughtful story.
the following comment was originally written to explore options for fighting a Nightmare Sun, but I think it works for fighting Nightmare Moon as well. I have adapted it slightly.
ReplyDeleteSO i wonder how many creatures are willing to fight Nightmare Moon. The Diamond Dogs, probably. The Griffons know all too well the mercilessness of the cruel night upon the freezing mountains. Dragons might be hard to rouse, but even they remember what it was like living under a Nightmare before and would probably genocide to bring back the balance. Pinkamena needs to come out and help make mincemeat of the enemy, and Flutterrage would be a nice ally too if she could get over her aversion to killing ponies and fighting in the name of resistance. If the folks over at the Rainbow Factory already realized what a horrible, horrible investment eternal night is they'd finally have an opportunity to use all those weapons properly, and the Zebras wouldn't mind helping if they got a share. The Mules and Donkeys, Cows and Sheep may or may not help in the hopes of gaining freedom, but if their help is to be had Fluttercruel would have to stick to nonsentients. The creatures of the Everfree, if any of them are in the least bit intelligent, should be easy to rally. And when all is said and done, one of the best things to fight off the cold is fire. Endless fire. A fire that burns in our hearts, so long as it burns we shall not drift apart. And if that fails... well, it took TWO alicorns just to IMPRISON Discord, correct? A storm of CHAOS would be just what the doctor ordered to cure a boringly endless night.
The enemy already launched their weapon of mass destruction. The armies of darkness have doomed the entire world to endless tyranny. Time to bring back some FUN in this gloomy world. Let's put a SMILE on those faces!
Wow... haven’t seen this story in ages ? I had lost it in my many bookmarks, it seems.
ReplyDeleteRe-read my previous comments, and now I remember most big details and, well... (sigh)... Darn.
Well, let’s see how ‘horrible’ things went ?
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Part 16:
>They'd probably die, of course, but what did she care?
-Indeed. From what I remember, the reader didn’t exactly had any reason to care about their fate ?
Hope, maybe, a little... but, not much.
>"Loyalty." The captain stated.
>Don't act like you're better than me all of a sudden because I took my element one step farther than you-"
-Ah, yes... ‘’Loyalty’’... Or, in this case, ‘’shutting every sectors in your brain that govern ‘reason’ and being dead-dumb’’-Loyalty.
Cold, when it’s a hot summer day, is good... Cold, when in the ARCTIC, is moronic.
>"That's the same mistake everypony has made. You all took your elements of harmony past common sense and right into crazy town.
-Oh wow... A pony finally showing some ‘good damn sense’, in all this... Refreshing, almost.
>"Because, Twilight," a grin spread across Dash's face, "we're the missing two."
-So... The ‘’magical speech’’, conveniently heard by Rarity and AJ, was the awaited ‘Deus-Ex-Machina’ ?
Still leave Fluttershy and Pinky Pie... and just one chapter left, apparently.
Ah... Apparently ‘atrocity’ isn’t, like, the epilogue/last chapter. Still, I doubt many chapters can fit into an ‘afternoon(1/2-1day left)’.
ReplyDelete-----
Part 17:
>"So you feet guilty."
-‘’feel’’ (small error)
>"Now," Rarity stated as she drew her chin up, "we must make absolutely sure that there is a New Ponyville for them to return to."
-Magic kinda-maybe returning(but not soon enough for battle) ? ‘’Possible’’ chance to gather the Elements ?
My, it’s as if the sticky grey mist of depression, that was permanently-stuck floating around, was *almost* starting to thin out a little ?
Maybe... maybe not... I have my reasons to doubt, but you never know. Something ‘might’ ACTUALLY change their depressing fate... that’s something at least.
Cahpter 18's up
ReplyDeletehttp://bronycray.deviantart.com/#/d4r1rrs
Why is this story Star-Six? I've read the first few chapters, and frankly I think it deserves, at absolute best, Star-Four...
ReplyDeleteIt's not that good. There are some decent ideas here, but the characterization is poor, the narrative too focused on telling instead of showing, and the action is...well, frankly lame. I'm not feeling it at all with the way it's written.
It disappoints me too because I've heard good things about this story, but I don't think I'm going to read any further.
@Kyronea
ReplyDeleteBecause the writing quality improves exponentially as the story progresses, aka IT GETS BETTER. writing-wise and characterization-wise, not necessarily storywise. If you don't like grimdark, try something else because that's really the point of the story.
@The Wandering Magus
ReplyDelete>aka IT GETS BETTER.
-And more averagely-depressing... though the last 1or2 chapters were a bit better about that.
>If you don't like grimdark, try something else because that's really the point of the story.
-And the [Adventure] tag is only there for decoration ?
Part 18:
ReplyDelete>our goose ain't cooked yet. As long as your resistance is out there, we might just stand a chance."
-*COUGH* Huh... yeah... ‘’Them’’.
>I can't run frpm it
-‘’from’’ (small error)
>A light that Nightmare Moon had finally snuffed out.
-This is confusing. Did she kill Celestia ?... right now, a long time ago ? Was it a memory... did it happened a moment ago ? Did she just wounded her, but then why the ‘’finally snuffed out’’ ?
Pretty sure Celestia was supposed to be still *alive* and imprisoned, a few(or something) chapters ago ? (unless the author conveniently removed them, just to flatly kill Celestia, that is...)
>it might as well have been a whisper. "We're not ready, but they're here."
-Half the Elements aren’t there, half of them don’t even have their Element... Twilight and RD are 10miles away in pitch dark ‘’night’’... Not sure if Celestia is dead or not (seriously, that would be an excessively boring and slightly annoying ‘’twist’’, if she is.)...
(sigh) Something is coming, that’s for sure, but what I don’t know... or rather I know, but don’t want to think about it more than I have to.
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Honestly, I’m not sure of what to think or want to think anymore...?
I've always intentionally left the fate of Celestia veiled. I'm not sure how you're confused, since it says before and after that scene that Nightmare Moon is remembering it.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I would have pegged her death as a 'twist', and I didn't really write it to be one. It was a reveal, yes, but it was more tied to Nightmare Moon's character than to the storyline. I think I made it fairly clear even as early as chapter 4 that Celestia is not going to be saving the day :p
@BronyCray
ReplyDeleteFantastic... their ''Sun''(kinda-goddess, mind you) is dead.
So... unless the miracle of 'instant Alicorn appear' happens, well, the whole world is pretty much fated to rot and die slowly, even if they ''win''...
...unless of course that, by killing Luna (because I ''SOMEHOW'' have doubts that she will be left alive), it will make the Moon and Sun 'conveniently' start working ''naturally'' by themselves.
Plenty of theories that way, pretty much all I have right now... very little are 'optimistic', and those that are don't have a high % to happen, considering the 'atmosphere' of the story so far...
@The Wandering Magus
ReplyDeleteI didn't say anything about the grimdark nature of the story in my comments. That's not really relevant to me anyway, because so long as a story isn't grimdark for the sake of being grimdark, which this story isn't being, I'm fine with it.
This story has many good ideas. I love the idea of an alternate universe where Twilight failed to properly summon the sixth Element, and as a result Nightmare Moon succeeded in her plan to bring eternal night. It brings with it plenty of consequences and tragedy, and if handled well it could have been really great.
The problem is, this story did not handle the idea all that well. When I see a story with the Star-Six label, I expect quality. I expect something written extremely well, because a story doesn't deserve that tag otherwise. Especially since as I said I've heard plenty of good things about this story, I was expecting another story on the level of Past Sins, The Best Night Ever, stories like that.
Instead? I get something that I'm not sure would even be ACCEPTED on EQD if it were submitted today, let alone garner such a high star rating. I'm rather upset because I wanted this story to be good, and it's not, and I feel it insults other Star-Six stories by possessing a label it clearly does not deserve.
I don't even need to read further in the story to see that. Look at the comments. Even in the latest comments there are people pointing out glaring flaws or contradictions in the story, the sort of thing easily avoided by sticking to a detailed outline. In addition, I continued to see constant glaring errors, such as uncapitalized names, grammar errors, punctuation errors, misspellings, all kinds of easily fixed issues that would take all of ten minutes to go back and revise.
I apologize if I sound harsh here, but I wanted to share my opinion because I felt it needed to be heard. And again, I like the idea behind the story. I want it to be good, and if at some point in the future the author goes back and completely rewrites the story, I'm totally willing to give it another chance. But for now, I think it receives more accolades than it deserves.
You're entitled to your opinion, but I'd ask that you keep in in perspective. If I've failed to grip you with my opening chapters, that's fine, but don't assume that the rest of the work follows the same quality (bad or otherwise). For example, nobody is pointing out glaring flaws. There are two and a half pages of people theorizing about what will happen next using what they know. Don't jump to conclusions.
ReplyDeleteAs for whether or not this would be accepted/hit six stars on EQD today, I'd like to say that we have a little joke amongst the prereader staff. Nowadays, all an author has to do to hit six stars is avoid the bad tags and use the good ones. The flavor of the month right now is Derpy, and anything [Shipping] will get you star bombed. Don't believe me? Go ahead and look at the archive. This was the 20th story to hit six stars, and it took 8 chapters just to get enough votes (50) to qualify. This is the part where I tell you in an old man voice how much harder it was back in my day.
Of course, Past Sins is also a joke amongst the staff, so I don't know how much I'm ever going to appeal to you.
@BronyCray
ReplyDeletePlease... elaborate.
What do mean about 'Past Sins' ?
I don't know about 'this' story here, but I do know that 'Past Sins' merited it's Stars(whatever haters say).
@BronyCray
ReplyDeleteFair enough, fair enough. Perhaps Past Sins was a poor choice...unfortunately the only other example that was coming to mind when I wrote that post was Fallout Equestria, and I don't think it's far to hold up ANY other story against that one.
I'll give this story another chance, too. If what you say is true, then it deserves that chance.
Incidentally, I think I have a different understanding of what Star-Six means than you do...to me, Star-Six means the story is held up as a shining example of quality, compared to other pony fanfictions...so I think I was a little upset that it didn't quite meet my expectations. Unfair expectations at that, for which I apologize to the author.
Ideally, star 6 would be a shining example of everything a fanfiction should be. Practically, it really just means that more people loved it than hated it. Just keep in mind that people may dislike a story for being poorly edited, but still star-5 it for other reasons. I'm glad to hear that you're giving it another chance, if for no other reason than to hear your criticisms after you've read far enough.
ReplyDeleteAnd to Nova25, well, Past Sins has oft been compared to the Twilight Saga. What it lacks in technical or writing skill, it tries to make up for in other, less artful areas. In the case of Past Sins, it's going for the daww factor with Nyx. But I'm not on prereading duty right now, so I'd prefer not to get too far into critiquing another fic.
...I just now realized that you're the author of the story. I feel rather stupid for not noticing that until now. Please accept my apologies for that.
ReplyDeleteAs for my thoughts, I'm definitely seeing an improvement...I've read up through chapter nine and there seemed to be a remarkable improvement in the composition of the prose compared to the early chapters. I will save detailed thoughts for when I catch up with the rest of the story, something that will probably take another couple of days. However, I will say that it has caught my attention, now that it's starting to really develop well.
@BronyCray
ReplyDeletePlease... never compare *anything* to the 'Twilight Saga', like, ever...
That 'thing' is the ''story-that-shall-not-be-named'' of the vampire universe.
...now, I believe that whole nonsense about 'Stars' should stop now, and make place to more interesting stuff... like actually comments on this story here, maybe ?
A good looking story with Rainbow Dash and Shadowbolts?
ReplyDeleteTwo of my favorite things.
I'll give this a read
Read five chapters of it.
ReplyDeleteY'know? Alternate Realities where NNM have always fascinated me and from time to time I give these kinds of fics a chance. Your story being the latest one. But for once can a story explore the universe where it isn't such a hell hole? :D Pretty please?
Lol, just a personal quip, think nothing of it, on with the rest of my rambling thoughts
Grimdark has always been a little iffy with me. There are Grimdark stories like Fallout Equestria, The Empty Room, and CRISIS: Equestria that captivate me and pull me in, in such a way romantic comedies and random one shots cannot. I absolutely adore a well written grimdark adventure because usually they are the most emotionally satisfying and give you an experience you won't soon forget.
A particular kind of grim dark appeals to me, but unfortunately I don't think this kind of Grim dark that you have crafted is my thing. From reading some of the comments and just the first chapters I've read leaves me with this hopeless dreary mood.
That being said, I'm curious, what's your view on Grim dark? What makes a fiction earn that tag? I ask this because there seems to be many different interpretations by authors on what constitutes Grim Dark. You seem to be really playing up and describing the hopeless atmosphere while others dangle a little light at the end of the tunnel.
Bad editing aside, this is a stellar fic
ReplyDeleteIt has been quite a while... I think I remember most of the big details, but probably forgot some minor things...
ReplyDelete-----
CH.19 :
>he was all 'Rawr I'm made of rocks!' but after you left I realized just how silly he was and how silly I was being so I decided to stop being so silly and just be fun like normal."
-I... suppose this works. It’s as a convenient way to quickly reintegrate her as any... It’s Pinky Pie and stuff ?
... Buuuuut, apparently Pinky Pie doesn’t appear to really be herself or something ? ...
>"It's good to have you back, Pinkie." Twilight smiled as she got to her hooves, "It really, really is."
-And then she’s ‘’ok’’, and back with them... Up and down, up...
>just because you're the Element of Laughter doesn't mean you aren't allowed to cry."
-Smart RD is smart.
>"Just shut up! Ugh, it's just a headache, probably a side effect of Her Majesty's gift to me." Trixie brought her hooves away from her head
-I smell a possible plot point here.
... So, apparently Trixie’s super army of magically-enhaned(or something... Just the general ?) isn’t ‘’that’’ super ...
... Then, the town has maybe 1 more hour left ? How long did it took Twilight to reach old Ponyville and get Pinky Pie ? There’s also Fluttershy to get, and the other Elements, and then reach the 2 bearers inside the cave, and.. a lot in so little time ? ...
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...*shrug* Stuff are happening, a LOT of things must still be done in little time left(for the New Town). I still don’t know, if I must go with the little hope I have about the ending, or not hope too much ?
CH.20 :
ReplyDelete>The limits of her speed unchecked, the Captain blew forward at the speed of will.
-Ludicrous speed, Captain !
>I think you might have acted the best out of us all."
>"Don't say that any of us acted well, least of all me.
-*Insert ‘’No, I’m not a good pony’’ and ‘’Oh woe me, I am not worthy of the Element(s)’’ whining, for the next 10min*, GO !
>I couldn't use the Element of Kindness now, and relying on me is just going to get ponies killed again.
-Not relying on you will ALSO get many ponies killed... It’s a 50/50 with a ‘’conditional’’ on the second 50%, that makes it a floating 0%, since she has nothing to lose.
>"And Trixie? Her army?"
-And the zebras ? And the griffins ? And the flies ? And the crocodiles ? And the wapitis ? And the 13th dimension left of Kentucky ? And the smurfs ? And...
I know she’s just in ‘’dumb-let’s all just sit like good ponies and wait to die, because we aren’t ultimate godlike paragons of pure ultra-purity’’ mode, but still... she’s relatively annoying, right now.
>"But I've still... I've still killed animals. I've done horrible things.
-Boo hoo, welcome to the club. -_-
>I don't know if the Elements will somehow recognize that, but I can hope."
-If the Elements don’t get a ‘404 error’ trying to figure out 2 bearers from another dimension, I’m pretty sure they will be ‘ok’ with whatever criteria they use.
>And when those stone spears had fallen from the sky, his colts had been massacred.
-It’s the ‘’Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies’’ rule, literally in action.
>At the end of the day, rocks just weren't going to beat magic.
-You just need to find an even BIGGER rock. It’s what human do, but with bombs and missiles.
...and then : Throw it from SPACE! : http://orbitalvector.com/Space%20Weapons/Asteroid%20Bombardment/ASTEROID%20BOMBARDMENT.htm
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Previous chapter : Minimal hope that the New Town will hold until the Elements are ready, but still hope.
This chapter : Oh wait, can’t have that... Wall crumbles, and New Town will fall in less than an hour now. (RD #2, a convenient deus-ex-machina, or another false hope ?.. again...)
And, the ‘’timeline’’ doesn’t exactly look linear here ? Unless the army is taking its sweet time, and Twilight and the other are running like crazy...
An ‘ok’ chapter... The end is near.
Y U NO UPDATE??? I guess i wont read any new chaps of this story before I get old... This makes me sad :`C
ReplyDelete