• Story: Strange Bedfellows (Update Part 18!!)



    [Shipping][Adventure]

    Author: Staeg Masque
    Description: When Twilight invites Rarity and Applejack to a sleepover, the results are not quite what they expected. After a misfired spell, the two rivals find that they must work together and learn from each other if they ever want to make it home in one piece.
    Strange Bedfellows Part 1
    Strange Bedfellows Part 2
     
    Strange Bedfellows Part 3
    Strange Bedfellows Part 4
    Strange Bedfellows Part 5
    Strange Bedfellows Part 6
    Strange Bedfellows Part 7
    Strange Bedfellows Part 8
    Strange Bedfellows Part 9
    Strange Bedfellows Part 10
    Strange Bedfellows Part 11
    Strange Bedfellows Part 12
    Strange Bedfellows Part 13
    Strange Bedfellows Part 14
    Strange Bedfellows Part 15
    Strange Bedfellows Part 16
    Strange Bedfellows Part 17
    Strange Bedfellows Part 18 (New!)

    Additional Tags: Peril, Bonding, Love, Teamwork, Discovery

    102 comments:

    1. This sounds like a really twisted version of Look Before You Sleep. I may have to read it at some point.

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    2. It's like there's an explosion of awesome happening inside mah' brain!

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    3. Dave Mustang, the cynical BronyJuly 13, 2011 at 12:06 PM

      MLP Fanfic Cliche #14 Twilight fucks shit up cause in the fanon she sucks at magic.

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    4. Kimba the White LionJuly 13, 2011 at 12:08 PM

      @Dave Mustang, the cynical Brony

      Dave, can you make a list of all of these? I'm finding them hilarious.

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    5. Dave Mustang, the cynical BronyJuly 13, 2011 at 12:10 PM

      @Kimba the White Lion
      I'll post a new one every time a cliche fanfic is posted.

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    6. @Dave Mustang, the cynical Brony
      Seriously, there are other ways to get the cast in trouble. Heck, you can even use this one, if you do it well.

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    7. Dave Mustang, the cynical BronyJuly 13, 2011 at 12:12 PM

      @Shellsh0cker
      The preview pic reminds me of Yu Gi Oh for some reason.

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    8. Okay, before I get sarcastic, I do want to make one thing clear: I'm genuinely interested in seeing where this fic goes; this seems like an excellent start.

      That said, I'm really looking forward to a good aversion or subversion of the whole "Twilight tries fancy teleportation magic and it backfires" thing. Its time has come.

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    9. It's always Twilight messing up or some wacko potion.
      ...Or Pinkie Pie, but that's "normal" for her.

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    10. @Storm Vision

      Yes, please. Especially seeing how that "Across a Bow and Arrow" (or whatever that parallel dimension story is called) floating around recently, I'm kind of getting tired of the whole "Twilight can't use group teleportation" thing. I'll hold off until the end to issue my rating, I'm just offering my input. I'll stick around mostly to hear Applejack call Rarity "fuddy-duddy again"

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    11. i hope twilight dosent charm me o_o

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    12. Cliche or no, the opening is well-executed. I, for one, am interested in seeing where this goes. It is the best of all possible ships, after all.

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    13. Came for the adorable picture, stayed for the interesting story. Looking forward to more, especially if Rarity and AJ keep up the awesome character interaction.

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    14. Very clean and well written. Good job Staeg Masque, can't wait to read more.

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    15. @Dave Mustang, the cynical Brony

      Seriously, how many stories are based on Twilight fucking up a teleportation spell?

      I don't remember her screw up spells in the show.

      (Great fic btw)

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    16. My only complaint is the use of the word "foal" so much. I'm just so used to hearing "Filly" referring to the School-Age Ponies and the pun "foalish" gets old REALLY fast.

      Other than that, I love the opening. I'll be sure to keep up with the rest of it. :D

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    17. Dave Mustang, the cynical BronyJuly 13, 2011 at 1:42 PM

      @DJ Kat
      I meant her fucking up any spell in general, that's a Fanfic Cliche.

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    18. Well, she screwed up the plow spell in Winter Wrap Up. And there was the berzerk episode as a kid in Cutie Mark Chronicles. Oh, and she set Spike on fire the first time she teleported with him. I think that was in Ticket Master? And there was the time she made the parasprites eat Ponyville.

      So, yeah. She's kind of a magical screw-up in canon too.

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    19. She does screw up spells when she loses concentration. Like when Spike's tux and hat poofed away when they were distracted by Pinkie Pie in feeling Pinkie Keen.

      Perhaps it would have been better if it was stated that both Rarity and Applejack needed to concentrate as well, perhaps on a destination. Then the mishap would have been their fault.

      Other than that, I like the premise. Applejack/Rarity is one of my favorite ships, because their odd-couple dynamic is fun to observe. Looking forward to the next!

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    20. Cliched the opener may be, but I'm not going to judge this one until there's more of it to read.

      It's well written though.


      (The cliche exists because it's a convenient plot device to either introduce conflict or, as in this story, strand two members of the mane cast in the middle of nowhere.)

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    21. Yeah, "Off the Edge of the Map" actually avoids this trope by keeping Twilight out entire -- Dash accidentally builds a Boom Tube!

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    22. Yes, everybody, it's cliche, but it's simply to get the Conflict Ball rolling.

      Also, to the guy who wants a subversion of the whole "Twilight tries fancy teleportation magic and it backfires" thing...well, here, it is subverted...somewhat. Twilight didn't technically mess up, she just lost her concentration, which does make sense. Still, yes, that scenario is getting a bit old.

      Anyway, I would like to see how this turns out.

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    23. @terrycloth

      Ah, thank you, those are instances I completely forgot. At least this whole scenario isn't far-fetched now. :P

      @Dave Mustang, the cynical Brony

      Yes, it is. Remind me to find a way around that.

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    24. I notice that in canon, Twilight has a habit of messing up spells when doing them for the first time, or she doesn't think it through enough.

      Or she put the spell together from scratch, on the fly like with the parasprites.

      While magic may be her talent, she doesn't ALWAYS get it right.

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    25. NO. NNNNO. BAD TWILIGHT. NO GROUP TELEPORTATION SPELLS. NO. WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS.

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    26. @Delta Pangaea

      In my mind, the argument is less that Twilight doesn't ever mess things up as that Twilight would have the good sense to master something as potentially dangerous as a group teleportation spell before attempting to use such a thing on her friends. That's why I held up Dangerous Business as an example of how to do it right: it that, Twilight uses a spell we know she's quite familiar with--her regular teleportation spell--but makes a small, perfectly understandable mistake, not even directly related to the spell itself, that turns out to have massive repercussions.

      @terrycloth

      The parasprites don't count; the spell worked perfectly, Twilight just didn't anticipate what would happen next. Frankly, I wouldn't have either; I don't think anypony would've.

      The teleport in "The Ticket Master" was performed under duress; it almost seemed more like a reflex action on Twilight's part than anything else. That could easily explain the less-than-ideal cast.

      The come-to-life spell screw-up from "Winter Wrap-up" is a perfectly legit example. It does seem a little fishy to me, though, given how generally reliable her magic is, as we've been discussing.

      Sorry to dump all this in the comments section for your story, Staeg. Looks like things have reached a bit of a head as regards this particular plot device.

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    27. Despite the cries of plot devices and such, I think this story's got potential! Mostly 'cause I think AJ/Rarity is a pairing that doesn't get enough lurve. Or something.

      If nothing else, I think it's got potential to be the FUNNIEST of the pairings, but I digress. :)

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    28. @Shellsh0cker It's no problem, Shell. Frankly, though I write ponyfics, I don't read many of them, and had pretty much no idea this device was so common. In any case, I do appreciate all the criticism I've received.

      Just to provide an update, chapter 2 is in the works currently, though I'm a little ill and work is progressing slowly due to my constant headaches.

      Thanks to everyone who's commented and rated; you guys make me happy :3.

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    29. Looking nice so far, I just née to see a little more content before I rate it :)

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    30. "(how anypony could fail to be accepted so many times and yet continue to try baffled Rarity, but if it made Dash happy, she was happy)"

      The story could have quite happily done without this... Considering that by the end of it Rainbow -is- one of the best flyers in all of ponydom, it feels rather out of place.

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    31. I like where this is going.

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    32. Okay, you've got my attention.

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    33. I noticed that in chapter one Rarity sends Sweetie Belle off to their parents' house. Then in chapter two, she mentions that her parents had moved out of Ponyville. Other than that the story is coming along nicely. Looking forward to chapter three!

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    34. @Anonymous Glad to hear I've caught your eye :3. That goes for the others as well. Anyway, I fixed the discrepancy. Thanks for alerting me to it.

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    35. I've been waiting for someone to do a fic about Twilight accidently sending her friends to the next kingdom over for awhile now.
      This is shaping up to be a fun read.

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    36. I want to note that, in the show, Sweetie does not live with Rarity. The only times we've seen her at the Carousel were in Stare Master, preparing for a sleepover at Rarity's, and briefly in Cutie Mark Chronicles. She was notably absent during the entirity of Suited for Success.

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    37. i love the picture

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    38. Now really much happened in chapter 3 did it...

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    39. Teleported to far way land.

      Better drink my own piss.

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    40. I was kinda worried that this story might get kinda meandering and it sort of did here. Not bad with the dynamic, but sort of just felt like filler. (also, kinda weird how Rarity jumped straight to the parents...makes it really awkward).

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    41. great story so far, buutt...

      I don't really get the fact that Twilight said it was a small scale spell, that could go no farther than ponyville. Yet, they were teleported miles away.

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    42. I couldn't help, but think "One Piece" the Anime after that Description! LOL

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    43. @skolf

      I don't think they moved at all. Obviously they just went through a dimensional rift to the Lost Land. We'll be seeing dinosaurs soon.

      As for chapter 3... I just wonder what the line about the "bubbling lake" near the end is suposed to foreshadow. Will the next chapter open with a saucy hot-springs scene or an emerging hydra, rising from the lake to devour our protagonists? Looking forward to it either way.

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    44. The story is progressing slowly, but I think it suits it just fine.

      I really like how well this is written and I'm really looking forward to more character interaction.

      I'm kind of hoping this drags out into a long story.

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    45. I love this fanfic! I read part one then lost the rest, good to know I can read 2 new parts now! <3

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    46. Ha, the episode where AJ and Rarity had a slumber party with Twilight just so happened to be the one I'm watching.

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    47. I'm liking thia shipping mkrw and more cause of this fic. So bravo!! Bravo I say!!

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    48. >a hydra emerges from the lake

      I totally called it!

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    49. um, I find that pic incredibly cute... is that bad?

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    50. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    51. Heeeeeeeere's Hydry!

      Can't wait to see how this turns out. Also, taking all bets on the inhabitants of the village! Taking all bets!

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    52. Guess I'll press* my luck and hazard a guess as to what the villages are populated with.

      I'm going to say it's either satyrs or centaurs!

      *last post had a typo lolol

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    53. Thanks for the support, everypony. Decided to link y'all to my Twitter. From there you can follow me and get regular updates on my stories and side projects, as well as updates about my life every now and again. Those who want to follow can jump on over and do so. I also do reviews of Drawfriends and other miscellaneous things.

      For time-saving purposes, and for those not wanting to follow, Chapter 5 is on the way--it's about 6 pages in right now, looking like it'll be twelve when complete. Cheers everypony.

      http://twitter.com/#!/StaegMasque

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    54. ................. Is the shipping tag for friendshipping, or actually shipping shipping?? I'm kinda confused.

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    55. @ColourSplash

      What is shipping anyway, Im still learning haha

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    56. @ColourSplash

      good question, honestly i haven't seen anything resembling a ship between Applejack & Rarity other then just friendship. who knows, maybe in the next few chapters?

      also, you'd think rarity & AJ would have swallowed there pride and just thanked the village leader then left, or at least apologies'd for the thing they said to her =/

      @omgshesdead: shipping = creating a relationship between 2 (or more) characters of the romantic sort, and welcome to the fandom. (or at least the fanfic aspect of the fandom.)

      @Staeg Masque (the author)

      the first scene with AJ trying to look outside before passing out again felt a little confusing at times and was some what difficult to imagine in my minds eye.

      and one sentence was very awkward for me to read, it was near the Beginning and went

      "The sun cut through awnings, casting multicolored murals over the ground thick green grass of a marketplace."

      that small section need a little bit of a re-wright in my opinion, even something as simple as removing "Ground" from it will improve the sentence as a whole.

      that minor criticism aside i'm really enjoying your story, keep up the good work! ^_^

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    57. @WraithwoodThe shipping is coming, rest assured--it's just being built slowly, as I'm viewing this story as a longer project than my last.

      Cut out the beginning and reworded a few things.

      Thank you for the criticism, it's well-appreciated and I'm glad you're enjoying the story ^^. There's more on the way, though I'll go on the record here and say that college has just started for me, and it's likely that I'll be very busy for some time dealing with college work and possibly plays.

      I hope you'll bear with me through this, as updates might be slower than usual. I'll do my best to keep the chapter stream steady, but I can't promise anything.

      If anypony wants to follow me on Twitter, the link to mine is posted above. You'll get updates to stories of mine, new projects, and reviews. Looking forward to writing the rest of this story, season 2, and all things pony in the year to come.

      Thanks so much guys. Staeg out.

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    58. I love how you named the griffon "Faust."

      Also the buildup to meeting the village elder where it's unclear whether they'll soon be facing Gilda or Trixie. That was really well done.

      "There are rumors she was greatly wronged by a group of ponies from Ponyville a few years ago"

      Made it seem to me like a group of Ponyville ponies visited the elder and wronged her, when in fact she visited Ponyville. I dunno if it was just me who got confused there.

      Great chapter. Although the ending wasn't all that satisfying. Hope it was just a cliffhanger and we'll be seeing Trixie again.

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    59. Sethisto,


      You're really good at leaving you're audience wanting more.

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    60. Ok so, I hope the "could they have traveled a couple years in to the future?" thing was intentional....
      Otherwise, need to cut down on the hyperbole.

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    61. Interesting premise, kind of lost heart sometime in chapter 3 or 4.

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    62. Alright, I dunno if this is how I'm supposed to do this but here goes nothing XD. Hopefully this reaches some ponies--I already mentioned this on my Twitter a few days ago.

      From the start, I did like this idea and all, but the more I wrote it, the more I wanted to distance myself from it. The big sweeping stuff I think just isn't for me--or adventure in general for that matter. Came to me when I listened to writer's podcast--"Play to your strengths."

      So that's what I'm going to do from here on out--with this story's semi-lukewarm reception and how little love I ended up having for it, I'd say it's best if I stay away from adventure and stick more to drama and intimacy--like my first story.

      But still, I know there have been supporters, and I apologize to them, but this is where the story stops--I don't have it in me to continue with the project. This is to let you all know that so you're not left hanging.

      Don't worry, I'm trying to think of something new to write, though all I currently have is titles, and even those are works-in-progress. Chances are I'll just jump on Word one day and spin a first chapter out of nowhere--that's basically the extent of my creative process XD.

      Anyway, I'll stop rambling now. Thanks to my supporters; there is another story on the way, rest assured. There may be more stories I write to experiment, and hopefully they are successful, but I think I know now what I'm good at.

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    63. @StaegMasque

      Oh nooooooo!! One of the few pony fanfics I've bothered to get into, and one of the fewer amongst those that I actually look forward to seeing updates to, and it's being axed! @_@ This is really quite depressing, seeing as how this is one of the only decent fanfic representations of this ship (never thought I'd be one for getting into any of the pony-shippings, but there you are I suppose) I've come across. Oh now I am terribly sad, bleh...

      Well for what it's worth I thought this story was shaping up to be delightful, dear, and I'm sorry you can't be persuaded to at least give it a 'non-epical adventure' conclusion (though I suppose that might be cheapening what you did manage to accomplish with it, and we wouldn't want that). I wish I'd bothered making a Blogger account sooner, as it would have been my pleasure to leave you positive reviews and encouragement. ^_~

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    64. @WhiteDiamonds Well, with college and everything going on (life is especially crazy right now--full workweeks piled on top of college work leaves me very little free time) I don't feel there's much room for experimentation; I'd like to give the people a quality product--not something that I don't feel I'm writing well.

      I don't want to seem inconsistent but, to be honest, chances are just as good I'll come back to it someday once things quiet down and continue with it--after all, I had a big Trixie/Gilda, Rarity/Applejack battle planned out and not being able to get to that is upsetting.

      You have encouraged me, though--quite a lot, in fact. I'll admit to being easy to sway :P. I guess saying the story ended here was a misnomer--let's just say that it's on extended hiatus for now. If you'd like to get updates on things I'm doing, go ahead and follow me on Twitter, though I don't update it terribly often. http://twitter.com/#!/StaegMasque

      I was actually coming on here to rescind the story being cancelled when I saw the comment, and it helped me get the confidence to do it XD. After I slept on it, well, I don't think it's in my nature to kill a story, and I want this one to have the ending it deserves. I made my last comment in a time of stress and frustration (I've really gotta stop doing that). Now I feel that I can say what it's really all about XD.

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    65. @StaegMasque

      Oh, yay! Well this certainly isn't a response I expected but needless to say I am very excited that you want to give your story a fair chance after all. :) I know I can completely empathize with having a full workload and very little time for fun personal projects (up until about two months ago I was working two jobs myself, and even now am finding it difficult to juggle my one job with doing my freelance art/sewing work on the side). But even if any future updates are a long way off, and far and few between I'll look forward to them just the same. Especially now that you've dropped that epic showdown teaser!

      Anyway, while I don't have a Twitter myself (should probably get one), I'll keep an eye on yours from time to time all the same. ^^ Thank you again for taking my humble feedback to heart; I'm thrilled my opinion mattered at all. I really should draw you a fanart now. :)

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    66. @WhiteDiamonds

      I for one would be sad to see this story end here.

      Sure its reception was lukewarm, but it's slow shipping / epic adventure, and it opens (knowingly or not) with a huge cliche. There was no way that this could have been well received by everyone, but I don't see anything inherently wrong with that.

      So far the Rarity/AJ dynamic has been great, and the adventure and action haven't really been slacking either. At least not in my opinion. The hydra's introduction and description were great, as was the chase scene. True, the battle could have been handled better, but it was still fun.

      Anyhoo, I can see how you have very little time left for writing and if this writing this story isn't where your heart is then that's up to you.

      Also I can't stand Twitter.

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    67. It's sad that the author doesn't want to continue the story. But, hey, we can. Our imagination doesn't have limits. Imagine your ideal ending. I did.

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    68. :( I had wondered what happened to this. This is why I tend to complete stories and then post them; no chance of disappointing the reader. I can't really blame the author for losting interest in the story, but I am surprised given how good it was. Now, this wasn't a fic I'd put up on a pedestal and proclaim "Now *this* is art!" or anything but it was definitely a step above the usual fare, and I was really gladdened to find RarityxApplejack being done in such an epic style. I'll have to look out for more of your work, I suppose.... and I guess if I want this ship done I'll have to do it myself ;P

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    69. Please continue this glorious tale! :3

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    70. I was hooked on this one, but it hasn't updated in a while... Did it die? That would be a shame.

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    71. I suppose there's nothing wrong with leaving this here, so here goes.

      Chapter 6 of Strange Bedfellows is officially written--at 8 pages and 3500 words, it's one of the longer chapters I've written in any story. It still has to go through the editing process and get all of the spit and polish type stuff I always like to give it, but rest assured, it is fully written, just in the rough draft phase. The story is not dead by any means and, with plenty of free time ahead of me this summer, I ought to be able to juggle it, my stories for another site, and my commission work. Should being the operative word, but I'm very confident about it.

      So there you are! For anypony who comes back and checks this page every now and again, with Cold Hand completed, this story can resume being written with plenty of vigor and a brand-new style that doesn't include use of the word 'had' seven-hundred times per page @_@.

      Looking forward to getting started on it, and you all should expect the chapter to drop around two or three days from now. Ciao!

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    72. Finally! i thought it died! it was just getting cool!

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    73. And another one phoenixed. Hopefully this'll keep updating because I'm really curious about them getting back home now...

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    74. This story pleases me, and I am lucky you chose now to update it, or else I may never have found it. I like the long time it takes for their relationship to develop. It has always struck me as tacky to start a ship-fic with the characters suddenly feeling "unexplained feelings" for one another in the very first chapter. This is much more natural, letting their feelings grow over time from their friendship and shared circumstances.

      I am particularly fond of this pairing, as well. Despite some of their differences, AJ and Rarity have a surprising lot in common. Among the 6 protagonists, these are the only two whose jobs dominate the majority of their time and attention.

      I was going to call you out about Rarity's story about her parents, but then I realized that you started this story long before the show ever addressed the issue of Rarity and Sweetie Belle's folks.

      Good luck to you and I do hope to see more of this this summer!

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    75. Need permission to view the latest chapter.

      Also, it's about time this updated! I had completely forgotten about it.

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    76. I hath not the permission to access it, good sirs!

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    77. Hey everyone. It's Staeg, at the doctor's office. I had someone fix the issue, so no worries! I was doing a few edits and forgot to set it to public.

      Hilariously, I think I did this same thing on part 7 of another story, Cold Hand of Mercy.

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    78. Dat dream. Have you been reading lovecraftian horror or what? xD

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    79. @Laurea I'm actually a huge fan of Lovecraft! The dream was actually inspired by a combination of that and Silent Hill style horror.

      Hopefully it was at least enjoyable to some extent--it's sort of my first crack at that kind of thing.

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    80. It was enjoyable, even more so when I realized that it was just a nightmare with some Lovecraft tossed in. :) Never really read any of his works, but I like the general idea they are based on.

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    81. @Unknown

      I haven't gone back to re-read the story but the earlier chapters might have been edited to change that, since a recent chapter mentions Rarity's parents in a way that contradicts what I read before.

      good to see this story back.

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    82. @Wilson Bennett

      Just checked back, nope the story stayed the same but like you said it's acceptable becaue this was first written during season 1

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    83. Whoa, Adventure!

      Really loving this story. The fantastic storytelling and slow pacing make are both pretty awesome. Not to mention the constant clash between Rarity and Applejack. Then there's the Daww moments between them that keep them together. It's all great!

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    84. Loving this story. Not rushing things at all, but keeps me interested the whole time. We need more adventure/shipping stories

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    85. Awesome new chapter, I was caught off-guard on the seriousness of its situations.

      With how they are both almost stuck indefinitely at the village, it almost feels like Applejack and Rarity will never return home. :o

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    86. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    87. Alright, lets try rewording that a bit...

      I want to say that I really like the story, and I've been following it eagerly for a while and looking forward to updates.

      This most recent chapter (9) though, I'm sorry to have to say that I didn't care for it. :( It lost me the moment we hit a pony who doesn't seem to fit in with the others and has a mysterious origin, talking about watching wrestling as a "kid".

      As a reader, that just threw my immersion right off. Suddenly I'm feeling confused about why there's a modern human voice in my pony world, and it was impossible to get back into the chapter after that.

      I was also happier when Rarity and AJ were together then split up, since the story is about the relationship between the two of them. That said, splitting them up is good storytelling if it advances the story when they get back together, so I'm pretty happy to keep reading and wait for the payoff. :)

      Its painful for me to write this post because I really like the story and don't want to discourage you from continuing, so please don't take it that way. :(

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    88. This story seems to get stranger with each chapter: a mecha-pony with wierd magic, that's just... wierd.

      I'm guessing we're about to hear a different side to the story from Faust about the Shetlands and what they do.

      That being said, I do wish that AJ and Rarity would catch a lucky break soon.

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    89. @Wilson Bennett It's been a while since I last posted, hasn't it? Not to mention I have plenty to talk about.

      Alright. Firstly, I'd like to address any concerns with Blink's character--not to defend him, merely to expand on him. I'll be delving more deeply into his character at a later time, and revealing exactly why he speaks the way he does, why he refers to watching things, and any other reasons why he might seem strange.

      Second, the weird pony Star talks about. He'll be explained in full in due time, so no worries there. And I know he might seem out of place, but trust me, I have a way of bringing all this together. This story is something I see as a chance to hit the deepest ideas that I've always wanted to do, and that pony (and where he comes from) is one of them. I'll warn readers now, the story is probably not going to get progressively less 'out-there'--rather it's only going to get moreso. I'll keep the tone consistent, but I wouldn't expect everything to stay within the realm of the entirely normal.

      And also, I wanted to give a little tidbit about Faust. I didn't name him Faust as a reference to Lauren Faust, believe it or not. The fact that he's a doctor and named Faust is a reference to Dr. Baldhead, or Faust, from Guilty Gear.

      And the pony's ability to change the weather isn't really 'magic', per say. It's because of his augments, which will be discussed later. So don't worry about that. I'm going to keep the pacing slow, considering I'm drawing heavy inspirations from a mix of Gurren Lagann and Redwall, the two things that initially inspired this story, with a dash of Game of Thrones. That may be why it seems a little crazy.

      Anyway, to those who are enjoying, great. Those who aren't, I encourage you to be patient with me, but of course, that's your decision, not mine. Thank you to everyone who comments--seeing a comment in the comments section I haven't seen before always makes my day.

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    90. DAT CHAP 10.........

      ...........DIS GETTIN GUD

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    91. @StaegMasque

      Fair Enough.

      As much as teh slow pacing is helpful I feel the story is reallty starting to drag. Maybe I'm just used to stories where soethign big happens in every chapters but in all honesty as much fun as I find this story its getting to be a slog to wait for each update and not expect anything to happen.

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    92. @Wilson Bennett Yeah, I know. Lots of stories seem to focus on keeping the action rolling in every chapter, which is something I admire and something I myself have done--I've even seen it in published work. The pacing I feel is very important to the story--I'm trying to keep it all at a slow boil.

      Rest assured, the action is definitely coming. I just need to set it all up, first.

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    93. Hey StegMasque, just wanted to drop by and say that I really appreciate and like your story. It's certainly not perfect; the pacing is a little too slow, sometimes the environmental descriptions can be a bit confusing at times. That said, what you really do well is the relationship between Applejack and Rarity, it is both the core and heart of the story, so that's the most important thing. I can see you growing as a writer as the story progresses. When you finish up with the story, which I'm eagerly awaiting, I might add, it might be a good idea to revise it. Just a suggestion. ^.^ As it is, the story is very enjoyable and fun to read, I hope you continue to deliver, I am having a great time reading. :)Looking forward to the next chapter.

      Also, it might be a good idea to post this on fimfiction.net and other outlets as well, so you have a bigger fan-base. Your lukewarm reception here might be different elsewhere, my friend.

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    94. I'm liking the gradual progression in their relationship. And wow, chapter 13 felt pretty major to me.

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    95. @Chakat Firepaw Er, not to make curiosity kill the proverbial cat, but why are you posting the link to the story on fimfiction here?

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    96. @StaegMasque
      Because it's quicker than going to FiMFiction and using the search box each time a new part comes out.

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