Description: Rarity packs and leaves for a trip to far off Buttercup, passing up on a chance to take part in Ponyville's winter festival, to visit her family and with the hopes of buying wonderful things for her friends and family for Gift Giving Day. Her world gets turned upside down, however, when she reconnects with an old flame and discovers the plight of a group of orphans.Challenges of Love: Rarity's Tale Part 1
Challenges of Love: Rarity's Tale Part 2
Challenges of Love: Rarity's Tale Part 3
Challenges of Love: Rarity's Tale Part 4
20 comments:
Amazingly well written :)
ReplyDelete(I see that you were able to send it to ED finally. That's good :))
ReplyDeleteI could hardly word my thoughts about all this, the full 33pages, about the 4 incredible parts that composed this story, but I doubt that trying would hurt... :)
First, I must say this was certainly one of the best composed (fan-) story I have read up to now.
I can't count the moments where I was touched by what I read (especially in the last 2 parts), by the way it was put and how it was treated for/in relation with Rarity.
Her personality was described in more details (and maybe in a more human-like way, some might say) than she currently is, in the series so far, and I found this particularly interesting when it came to her relation/interactions with the poor 'children' and the family of 'Alphons'.
Even though it was a long read (I read the 4 parts in one setting ;)), I sincerly enjoyed it and the rhythm or pace (whatever people call it) was fine, as I never really had to stop for too long, between the 'events', before continuing... Though I must say that it ''might'' have gained to have clearer (or rather, more detailed) stop/start points between the 'scene' changes.
I do hope it came out clearly enough, to not be misunderstood, and that other people will also appreciate your story, as much as I did. :)
...also... >Part Two: Pinkie Pie's Tale ? ...You sure like big projects ? Well, if this future story is as good as this one, I'm sure it will be well worth the wait. ;)
(N.B. : I almost never write such long 'comment' or 'critique' (some might say)... But an exceptionnal story is always worth it.)
Luna on mondays....I see what you did there ("Luna" = "Monday" in spanish)
ReplyDelete*...wait...did I...did I just fail at spanish? :O anyway, good, sad story :'(
ReplyDeleteI love these long stories!
ReplyDeleteSheesh, I don't know why more people haven't commented on this story. I loved it! Although, that probably has a lot with Rarity being my favorite pony. XD
ReplyDeleteSeriously, though, I like the setting and characters, as well as the way Rarity questioned the fact that she was the spirit of generosity, which added to her overall character development.
Like nova_25 said, the scene transitions should be clearer because,on several occasions, I found myself going back a few lines to figure out how the it got from one place to another. Also, minor complaint, a few lines of Rarity's dialogue seemed to lack her usual extravagant (for lack of a better word) language.
Those things aside, I really did enjoy the story as whole, and for some reason, it didn't leave me feeling sad, per se. I think I just felt for Sapphire Dreams and those orphans more than I should have.
I didn't pick any particular point to divide the parts. I just wanted to keep them roughly the same size. I had originally wanted to upload the whole thing in one go when I saw that Deviantart wouldn't take it like that. But my next story will be on Google Docs. Thanks for the compliment.
ReplyDeleteSOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD I was hooked from the first part AMAZINGLY well written if I do say so myself you really captured Rarity's spirit of Generosity in the story. I kinda wanted to see some closure on the Alphons relationship but I'm not complaining.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteYou're not the first person to mention that. Maybe I'll write an epilogue or a follow up story. When I first started writing this, I had originally imagined a short and sweet holiday tale, as I started writing this before Christmas and before Winter Wrap Up aired. I always knew it was going to be kind of sad. But as the story evolved, I decided to ramp up the emotion factor, and the fate of Silver Dawn was born. I think I had always imagined that the two lovers(as it were) were never destined to be together, at least not at that point in time. Alphons would eventually move to the city and Rarity would stay a Ponyville girl. I had tried to get out that there were certain aspects of Alphons' character that Rarity didn't like, hence the reason for the original break up, but I'm afraid I wasn't as clear as I had intended and only showed a few tidbits. However, I didn't want to get too "soap opera" on them and delve too much into the past of these characters as this story was about Rarity and how she affected the lives of these children and Alphons' family. That being said, looking back now, I LOVED how the party and dance scene turned out(you can probably tell Part Three is my favorite). I can't believe people are still reading my little fanfic and actually enjoying it. Maybe I'm doing something write. It gives me hope for my actual novels if I ever get around to finishing one. Thanks for the comments.
ReplyDeletethis is easily one of if not the best fics on here. Thanks for writing this gem of a story
ReplyDeleteI'm gonna drop a little negative criticism on this one. It was fairly well-written, but for some reason I just didn't mesh well with the OCs. Basically it was just "Rarity's really generous in a short amount of time" and didn't really click beyond that for me. Beyond Silver Dawn's death (which I kinda expected when she first showed up so it wasn't as impactful for me) and I suppose the whole poor-orphans dynamic in general, nothing really stuck out that classified this as a "sadfic" to me.
ReplyDeleteBut enough whining (you probably don't want whining), here's something I've noticed that you can hopefully improve on. The story seemed very dialogue-heavy to me. While I thought I would enjoy that since it meant the fic would go by faster (I'm a slow reader), I realized the importance of the "Show, don't tell" dynamic in fanfiction. Some extra adjectives and description can go quite a ways to help establish settings. Characters expressed themselves fairly well through their words, but I think this fic could have benefitted from more detailed descriptions of their actions and the general atmosphere.
Sorry for the negativity. I certainly don't think it's a bad fic, and I hope you'll consider my suggestions and critiques while still recognizing the vast wealth of positive reviews you've gotten.
@BronyMike
ReplyDeleteThanks for the input. Long story short, I had gotten sick of how long it was turning out and wanted to wrap it up as quickly as possible. By the time everything was said and done, I wasn't as happy as when I started out. But I guess I churned out something that still kept people satisfied. I was actually happier with my goofy flash fic Marshmallow Pie, but people didn't like that one as much. I didn't go as in depth with the writing process as what I would put into my regular novels. I guess that's my fault. What did you give this story? BTW, this is also Mario, the author. I guess I'll be using this Google from now on.
I'd probably give it a middle-of-the-road 3/5. Again, nothing makes it "bad", but it didn't really stick with me much on an emotional level (Got me through a few hours of work, though, so that's something). Is Marshmallow Pie on ED? I may be interested in checking it out.
ReplyDelete@BronyMike
ReplyDeleteJust look under the Pinkie Pie section in the archives if you haven't found it already. I was trying to stretch my comedy muscle for my upcoming Pinkie Pie's Tale.
Concerning sad fics, I try not to get too melodramatic. I've noticed a lot of stories that get 5 stars around here feel too "thick" for me. I actually envisioned an ending where Silver Dawn survives, but the current ending makes more sense. I also had to balance this more light-hearted side to the story, and I guess I was kinda clumsy at it.
I think I'll write that follow up people have been clamoring for. It should be more focused this time around because I don't have to worry about the orphan theme. I'm also almost done with a Twilight fic, and I get really serious with this one.
What the heck happened to ''MarioRodgers'' account on DeviantArt ?!
ReplyDeleteThe link for the story still point toward something, BUT his account is apparently ''deactivated'' ??
Anyone has any idea what's with that ?
Didn't see any warning that he wold close his account... for Pete's sake, he was even working on a Remake of this story, so what ??
@Nova25
ReplyDelete...in any case... I have saves of every parts, original and revised versions...
Like in games, Saving is your Friend...
Account is deactivated, file does not exist.
ReplyDeleteDamn file don't exist. SETH!! PHOE!! Help nao!!
ReplyDeleteI found this story on other site
ReplyDeletehttp://mlplexicon.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=mlpff&thread=650&page=1#6191