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Author: PK
Antipodes (All Links)Description: Set in the far future after Celestia and Luna mysteriously vanished and the sun and moon froze in the sky, Antipodes the the story of two ponies thrust out into the harsh new world on an adventure to uncover what happened to the world so long ago.
Lodestone (Sequel Part 4 - Does not require reading Antipodes)
Antipodes Audio Book Channel (Chapter 1+2+3 So far!)
Fan Art
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399 comments:
Like I said in the Docs chat, for your first fiction, I have to say I am very impressed. The action was easy to follow and I like the world you're building.
ReplyDeleteKeep it up!
ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!
ReplyDeleteThanks for putting it up! I hope you all like it!
one of my friends-who is all artsy- is actually making a picture for it, so you can have something to post it with.
I'm liking this, looking forwards to the next part.
ReplyDeletethis sorta sounds like casserns sins style :3
ReplyDeleteJigsaw special talent!!! he is like a sylar pony?
ReplyDeleteFUCK YEAH!
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteHa, I can assure you Jigsaw is NOT a serial killer.
Well done.
ReplyDeleteAwesome. I can't wait for the next part.
ReplyDeleteChapter 4 is double-length in honor of Winter Wrap-up!
ReplyDeleteThis isn't getting the attention it deserves, moar!
ReplyDeleteOH SHIT, DRAGON IN THE CASTLE! DRAGON IN THE CASTLE!! D8|
ReplyDeleteGreat story, this, please keep it up ^_^
GAH!! Another Cliffhanger! I really can't wait for more of this one. Love it!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you all like the story! :D Comments like this are what make me keep writing.
ReplyDeleteIts like a more entertaining version of the city of ember. Can't wait for next chapter.
ReplyDeleteOmg....I can't WAIT for the next episode!
ReplyDeleteManure just got real. Updates to this story make my day :D
ReplyDeleteThis is infinitely epic and then some. Can't wait for future updates =3
ReplyDeleteMOAR
ReplyDeletePK, you shoulda waited for a wee bit of feedback, but I'm glad it's up! It's good stuff, just needs a bit of a tweak with some awkward wording and the odd spelling mistake.
ReplyDeleteKeep going, I'm liking where this is going - liked the tweest too!
@Midnight
ReplyDeleteSorry! I was literally about to pass our from sleep last night and I couldn't wait any longer if I wanted it to be up by today. :c
Everyone else:
WOW! The response to this chapter has been PHENOMENAL- thank you so much for all the kind words! It means a lot to me! :D
[SPOILER][WARNING][SPOILER]
ReplyDeleteAGAHAHAHAHA! I knew the dragon were Spike! I knew it!
[SPOILER END]
This is fantastic writing, keep it up, I am looking forward to what happens next :D
This is one of the longfics that I am actively following and I too want to know what happens next
ReplyDeleteWow good story!
ReplyDeleteAnd someone SERIOUSLY needs to draw the scene were they come out onto the surface with the red sun and the moon both in the sky overlooking a land neglected for 10,000 years...
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI've been meaning to get around to that. :T PK asked me to back when he first wrote that chapter and I'd only just finished the picture that's being used now. bwuurrrgh I'll probably have something later this week.
This is really damn amazing. I'd be interesting in reading this for the setting even if it had nothing to do with MLP.
ReplyDelete*me gusta face*
ReplyDeletethese chapters cant update fast enough
Ugh, short chapter is short.
ReplyDeleteOh well, rarityponyshrug.jpg
...Hm.
ReplyDeleteSo, as I'm sure many fans have done, I've wondered what I would have as a "Cutie Mark", in the whole MLP universe.
I really like machines, and have a knack for figuring out how things work.
So I was thinking, a Cutie Mark for me would probably be a gear, or something like that.
S'yeah, that's a neat coincidence. I sort of HAVE to like Jigsaw now. XD
I'm going to call it now: The Dragon that sent them on the quest is the Big bad Evil Guy, not the Unicorn.
ReplyDeleteWait, what ? I just realized the author goes by the name of "PK", But I use that name... I'll just have to not capitalize it when I use it.
ReplyDeleteStill waiting for the new part...
ReplyDeletePlease can we have the new chapter
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, it's coming! I just got hit with a lovely combination of huge workloads and sickness this week.
ReplyDeleteEugh, why isnt' this more popular? Just because it's OC ponies doesn't mean it isn't utilizing equestria well...
ReplyDeleteHope your feeling better :)
ReplyDeleteThis latest installment was short, but sweet. I look forward to the next chapter!
ReplyDelete@9Nine9
ReplyDeletePeople think OC ponies are evil for some reason.
>reads description
ReplyDelete>mane cast is dead, long dead
>i baww before reading
>can't force myself to actually do it
sorry, but the idea of mane cast being able to die in any way, or stop existing for some reason, tears my heart. right now i'm writing this while the empty void fulfills my heart.
@9Nine9
ReplyDeleteIt was a known risk going in. I'm just happy that people read it at all.
Greetings from cold and snow-covered Russia ;)
ReplyDeleteWaiting for next part too. Please, more about Stalliongrad :)
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteYou will be hearing much more about stalliongrad in the future! :D
I pretty much said everything I wanted to say on your DA. But I just gotta let you know that I love you now.
ReplyDeleteVery, very, VERY great story here.
This is an excellent piece of work. Long and epic but without using any of the established cast. Quite a challenge you've undertaken; so far it's working out wonderfully.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteBut the dragon is Spike1 He wouldn't be evil...
Bro. I'm dying here. When can we see a part 11?
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteThank you! I'm glad you're enjoying it!
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteToughen up, it's a good read.
If you really can't get over the fact that fictional characters are dead, just tell yourself they are being held in stasis somewhere that the story never actually goes.
Every time I read another part, the wait for the next part gets even more unbearable. I had a fairly hard time picturing what was going on in my mind, but that's probably because I chipped away at my imagination by watching all that TV.
ReplyDeleteI've been waiting for this bit, PK, for when shit gets real. You've done a good job getting us here but it's been a long wait for real conflict and intrigue.
ReplyDeleteIt's good! As always, can't wait for the next bit.
Argh, I just read the eleven chapters in one go ! And then it stopped. I definitely want more now !
ReplyDeleteI'm making a mental bet with myself about where two of the other parts are right now. Look forward to finding out if I'm right or even if I'm wrong : )
ReplyDeleteWhoa cyborg pegasus!
ReplyDeleteA-Fucking-Mazing.
ReplyDeleteso many hidden goodies!
i Need more chapters.
5 stars.
i am on part 4 and hey man, you've got something here that is rather fantabulous. this is some serious shit and i hope it goes on for a while. I fuckin' love post-apocalypse world building quests for metaphorical fire.
ReplyDeleteFantastic story PK! This is really fun to read. The world you've created is amazing, and I really like how you're developing your characters. It feels like I'm traveling along with them, if that makes sense. I wish that I had your skill.
ReplyDeleteHonestly there's nothing I can suggest to make this story better. I like where it's going and I like where it's been. Keep doing a great job!
@Chicken Vortex
ReplyDeleteThank you! It's always really great to hear things like this! :D
Ok, I stayed up last night reading the fanfics here, and this is one of the best. I read all thats been posted, and everything about the story is incredibly well written. Keep up the amazing work, and I hope Jigsaw and Tiptoe can live happily in the end.
ReplyDeleteAlso: Attentuator is somehow Rarity. Not sure how, but it has to be.
this was just amazing. Wow. Can't wait to see how it ends.
ReplyDeleteAwesome read.
ReplyDeleteI don't get why OC Ponies are bashed on, they allow us to create our own little character that has their own quirks. But, that's just me!
Intense and interesting read, I kind of got a flash of City of Ember from the underground civilization, except with water not electricity. The character design is also very well planned out.
Overall (I sound like a 3rd grader finishing their essay but oh well) great read and keep them coming!
PS: [{Semi Spoiler}] Tiptoe x Jigsaw is permanently implanted on my brain!
This is a truly wonderful fic. The second I read this I was sucked in. It has everything a great story needs! Mystery, Action, Suspense, and a bit of romance. It has it all.
ReplyDeleteThe simple fact that PK took a simple (I'll be it amazing) Cartoon and made a huge leap in the story. Adding new areas and character.
And thats another thing the characters a great. I really can get behind and feel for Jigsaw and Tiptoe. They have grown on me as if they were real characters in the show. PK took this world and ran wild with it (In a good way)
This fic drove me to speculate (Confound this fic it drives me to speculate!!!) I actually have ideas about the plot and what might happen in future chapters.
This fic is great and if your nor reading another... no scratch that, even if you reading something else drop what you doing and read this. NOW!!!
@Anonymous BTW This is hoit21. Told ya I was gonna leave a good comment!
ReplyDeleteExcellent work as of chapter 11, although Jigsaw's magical abilities seem pretty advanced considering what we've seen in the show. If you had given him different-colored eyes I would have cried "Pony Sue", but I like the story so much I don't care.
ReplyDeletePart 12 is amazing.
ReplyDeleteSigh. More people need to not give a shit about OCs and read Fanfic for what they are: good stories just set in a world that already exists.
PK, you never cease to amaze me! Nothing like a great chapter from a great author to make me want to write more of my side story! Thanks for more inspiration, and keep working the magic!
ReplyDeleteSPOILERS
ReplyDeleteI dawwed when I realized that they use Celestia as a power source
Gah!! Every single time I read a chapter, it just gets more and more intriguing! I can't wait for your next installment, and I promise to keep bugging Dizzy to make another chapter in his side story! You both have amazing skill as writers, I'm jealous you guys have stories up here, and especially ones that are so great!
ReplyDeleteHAH! Another awesome fanfic . . . yes i cant wait to finish tehe one im reading so i can continue this :D
ReplyDeletethnk you thnk you thnk you!!!
Another wonderful chapter! Well done, PK!
ReplyDeleteGreat chapter man.
ReplyDeleteMy comment on dA still stands.
Also, a side story? As in the same setting, or some other time on the same timeline?
Why can't I force myself to read it? WHY?
ReplyDeleteEach time I hover on to the link, I get this image of mane cast being long-time non-existent and forgotten, which hurts more than any sad fic I read. DAMMIT!
The fire witch saved them...from the Court of the Crimson King!
ReplyDeleteOh, I love this story! I love how, even 10,000 years in the future, there is still a connection with what once was. I can't wait for the next chapter! :)
ReplyDeleteWhat's an OC
ReplyDeleteI thinkk OC means "Original Character". Basically it's a character that does not appear in the show, and have been created by the author. Here Jigsaw and Tiptoe are OC.
ReplyDeleteI read the last chapter and now I can't wait for the next one. I'm actually scared for Tiptoe and Jigsaw now ! I hope nothing horribly wrong happens to them ... And I suspect that Rubidium is somehow linked to the current state of the ponies' world. This story is one of my preferred here !
You guys are /the best/. I asked for people to rate at the beginning of the document to try and recoup what I lost in the rollback, and I come to the site this morning to fine THIRTY MORE. I love you guys, so mcu. You're what makes this whole thing worth it. <3
ReplyDeleteHey man, it's Effercon here. You know me from another site. Just got done reading up to Part 10.
ReplyDeleteTHIS. FIC. IS. AMAZING.
@NinesTempest other point in the same timeline. Non-canon.
ReplyDeleteI love this story. I can quite honestly say that this is among the most amazing story I ever read. Keep it up! You're one of the biggest reasons why I love this fandom.
ReplyDeleteYou're my most favorite person right now.
I'm currently reading 4th chapter. The language could be improved, I've read few fanfics and books before and the language in this one is rather... bland. Not at all the times though, but mostly, if not only, when there's some kind of pony interactions.
ReplyDelete1. "He said" and "He (did)" were over-used,
2. Two particular moments felt really rushed/out of place; when they found something to drink in Ch. 4 and when tiptoe came to him to apologize.
You've got really amazing skills in creating original content, plots and description. Though you do require to work on pony interactions and behavior, they seem unnatural, and imo the story up to this point could have been extended by a lot.
Writing is an art and it's as advanced as any other type of art that exists and remember that not paying attention to details and taking shortcuts is what defines a rookie, for an inspirational writer each piece of his art is sacred, so treat it so. Polish, review, edit, improve, modify.
I'm writing this for future reference when you will decide to write another story/ new chapter, though that might not be a case anymore, you might have revised these points by now. Anyhow, it's a great story nonetheless.
I'm off to finish the chapter and read the rest.
Same anon from above;
ReplyDeletehttp://www.wikihow.com/Write-a-Good-Story
Check tips 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 16 and 17, and overall the whole article, maybe there is something of interest to you.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteYeah, I get what you mean. I like to think that I've refined my technique a little bit since the early chapters, but that article is definitely a good read, I'll use it for reference. :D I always appreciate constructive criticism
The last 5 or so paragraphs in chapter 13 have sealed my opinion that this is amazing. I cheered like a little schoolgirl towards the ending... I assure you there aren't many things that can make me do that.
ReplyDeleteAnon from 8:07 and 8:16
ReplyDeleteI could see that after each chapter the whole story ran smoother, though the interactions and no .1 from first post still trouble me.
Also, wouldn't a pony who lost so many co-workers and his mate be more closed and distant?
Great story, the characters were well designed, especially tiptoe, amazing description, great character development, amazing world and great twist. Love it.
This is great. The story is growing, characters are developing, and the plot is progressing! 13 chapters in one night, and I'm already eager for more. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteThis story is amazing. It has a great plot, with what seems to be several different things going on, well developed characters (although not enough characters in my opinion), an awesome world, and good writing. I am eagerly awaiting the next issue.
ReplyDeleteP.S. "X" let out an audible gasp. Many audible gasps in this story.
*SPOILERS*
ReplyDeleteSo now that Rubi is dead what now for our heroes? Do they go on a quest to find the other spheres and possibly restore Luna and Celestia? Or will they return to their home with a new found power source.
Last sentence of 14, only one thought;
ReplyDeleteOH DAYUM!
[POSSIBLE SPOILER SPECULATION ALERT]
ReplyDeleteOK heres what I think
Tantalus(a.k.a Spike) has some if not all he fragments in canterlot except the one that rubidium has.
[POSSIBLE SPOILER SPECULATION END]
Last few sentences of part 14...Crowning moment of awesome!
ReplyDelete@anonymous
ReplyDeleteTune in to the next installment of ANTIPODES Z!
I can see that you're improving with each chapter, but let's speed it up.
ReplyDelete1. Get rid of she/he said, she/he asked- most of the time these things are useless. Readers know that they said something they're saying it, instead you could describe how they said it, what they did and when there's question mark at the end, it's obviously a question. Try instead some kind of description of that moment, e.g instead of "No," She said "Do't do it" it's more appropriate to write "No," She spun her head and glared at him "Don't do it" or simply "No, don't do it."
Saw that coming as soon as Tantalus was introduced... Still awesome though!
ReplyDelete"That was for Rarity."
ReplyDeleteEpic line is Epic.
@BLOK
ReplyDeleteOnly the attenuator can hold the fragments so Spike can't "have" them.
That was amazing! Ever since Tantalus was introduced, I knew he was, in fact, Spike. And when he said, "That was for Rarity." I was speechless at the epicness of that.
ReplyDeleteEpic finish. McGuffin collecting time?
ReplyDeleteBUT SERIOUSLY WHEN DO THEY FUCK
I always feel overwhelmed by empathy for the background characters killed in the bedlam.
ReplyDeleteWow, what an amazing story! That was an epic finish! Hard for me to believe that Spike would allow so many bystanders to die, but then again, 10,000 years can change a pony (or a dragon, I guess). Besides, he probably saved more ponies from Rubidium than were killed by being in the crossfire. Either way, Go Tantalus! You are awesome! :D
ReplyDeleteYou know, this story still has a lot of potential. Um, maybe this was Episode IV and we still need Episodes V and VI? There are still more fragments of Celestia out there. If you ever feel like writing another 14 chapter epic, you can count on me to read it. :D
ReplyDeleteThis really is amazing, i do hope i won't have to wait too long for another chapter cause i can't get enough of this! :'3
ReplyDeleteChapter 14 was very epic! Rubidium's death was very anti-climactic, serves him right!
ReplyDeleteKnow who Tantalus is now... I knew it was him, or at least it was my prime theory.
ReplyDeleteBut... if it's really 'HIM', well, the heck does he go and burn some of the innocent ponies in the city, and not just Rubidium ? and why is he all dark and evil-like now ? Did 10 000 years made him go crazy-nuts or something ?
Awesome story! Personally, I dont get the stigma sorrounding OC's; as long as they are done well, I could care less. And in this case, they are done very well! The beginning chapters were a little awkward to read at times, but that has improved dramatically. As for Spike, im pretty sure after 10,000 years, those puny ponies start to seem a bit... insignificant (well, except for one)
ReplyDeleteOh man, one page in and suspense is already building. This is going to be good. And here I thought I was going to do work today.
ReplyDeletejust read all 14 parts at once... and now everything I do for the rest of the day will seem drab and boring by comparison.
ReplyDeletethis could have its own show, or movie, "My little pony: awesome post-apocalyptic story of fucking awesome" keep up the good work :)
I read all 11 chapters and i really like the story. Had, and still do dislike how the origonal cast isnt there however, and hope you will introduce them in the end to make me fell happy.
ReplyDelete^no..... how would that work? "Oh yeah, by the way, there are these 6 ponies frozen under that rock over there, you should take a look".....
ReplyDeleteWell Twilight is just as much alive as Luna and Celestia. So maybe there are fragments of Twilight too?
ReplyDelete@Nova25
ReplyDeleteRarity was the first Attenuator. At least, PK is trying to imply that in comments on dA.
I think that fucked Tantalus up a LOT.
@NinesTempest
ReplyDeleteOh wow, that never even crossed my mind.
Now I feel terrible again.
What an amazing story! This is very well written, and I really look forward to the conclusion. Good work, PK! ^_^
ReplyDeleteRead all fifteen chapters in one sitting, you did an awesome job establishing the two main characters. Not sure what other people have with OC's, but I think they're a great way to expand the limits of ff.
ReplyDeleteMy only beef...s is the increasingly frequent "I know." coming from Jigsaw. I'm not really sure if this is the type of thing he would say all the time, but it seems like more and more things coming out of his mouth carry less and less meaning. What the purpose of saying something like "I don't know" when the only thing it does is make Tiptoe uneasy?
I wonder a little bit about Tiptoe stopping in the middle of a panic to notice a dead pony on the side of the road. Part of me questions if she would be temporary numbed by all the commotion going on to suddenly stop. Again, that is just me questioning it.
Parts of the fic felt very cheesy, one I remember was Cerulean's death. Do they always have to die right after they give their message?
Then there's the following comment Jigsaw, made saying her sacrifice "will be in vein" if they don't move. For some reason I can't picture a normal person speaking like that.
Sorry about the mean cc, in the end the fic is turning out great. It's hard not to love the characters. Try not to rush things so much, I feel that is the case with a couple chapters.
Hope to see an update to this.
so far i've enjoyed it, read all 15 in one sitting. I'm afraid i am going to have to be a little more mean then Skay so please bear in mind im one of the pickiest readers in the world.
ReplyDeleteSeveral things jump out at me right off the bat is a sort of "DnD Railroad symptom" where the DM (you) ends up using the same trick many times to keep the story going. In this case it's the whole "well the door shut guess we go forward" which isn't BAD just overused and makes each chapter feel just a little bit like an echo of the last one. I kinda petered out around chapter 10 and had to trudge my way through the last couple chapters
I do agree with Skay in that you did establish your characters quite well but unfortunately their connection to absolutely every other character (including each other) feels rushed and at points a little Cliched I.E. the brief life and death of the resistance.
Time is a tricky thing to convey in a story. I've been victim to it and seen it take a lot of good stories and make them pace in an odd way. in one of the last chapters they say its been somewhere between 1 and 2 weeks though i personally felt like it only taken place in the window of 3 or 4 days. Each event not so much as blurring into the next but skipping into it.
TL;DR and some constructive thoughts (i hope)
1) maybe spend a little more time thinking about what moves your characters forward. it can still be "no other way" but maybe gussy it up a little and make it feel more like "best option" or "balanced gamble"
2) filler sucks to write and can even be tedious to read sometimes but it IS necessary. If you don't give us and your characters some time together no connections are built and death scenes (such as ceruleans) come out muddled and emotionless and the kiss scenes bear no weight
3)As for pacing? this one kinda gets covered by the filler. filler can't help it all though. Show some effect to the things that happen. jigsaw zaps the computer, passes out, then gets up and walks on his merry way. it left me a little confused as to whether or not it left him out for a while or if he just has a super healing factor.
Sorry if this just sounds like im rambling i don't mean any hate and hope this finds some value to you. all in all 4/5
Thanks for the criticism, guys! I really appreciate it! I'll definitely try out some of your tips :D
ReplyDeleteHoly cow, I just read this, and... it's REALLY good. Definitely deserves 6 stars. I'm super eager to get the next update.
ReplyDelete[SPOILER]
The crazy stuff at the end of part 15 makes me think Celestia is re-forming herself with the fragment Jigsaw brought from the tower. Which, if true, is pretty epic. She'll know how to set sh*t straight. And if I'm wrong, I'm still excited for whatever it is.
[/SPOILER]
Great work, brony. I'll be following this one with great interest.
Someone can translate this to spanish? I'm trying to read this during weeks and I still go on the first chapter. FFUUUUU
ReplyDeleteAYUDAAAAA!!!
How do they know what direction northeast is and why does tiptoe trust? You should have added more detail, i think you trying to make the story move too fast.
ReplyDeleteAll of the stories I'm reading are updating at the same time! Best day EVER!
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteThey know because the sun and the moon are always in the west and east respectively.
Wait, the fragment causes epilepsy?
ReplyDeleteTHIS HASS BEEN THE MOST FRICKING UNBELIEVABLEY GOOD STORY THAT I HAVE EVER READ IM DYING TO READ THE REST
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI think it might be the *magical* equivalent of ''1.21 gigawatts of electricity'', going through her and her horn, that is responsible for that...
*Shudder*
ReplyDeleteChapter 10, Cerulean reminds me of those damn girls in Ba Sing Se in Avatar...
Gyah...
@Multifish
ReplyDeleteIT'S A LONG LONG WAY TO BA SING SE
BUT THE GIRLS IN THE CITY THEY LOOK SO PRETTY~
Update! yesyesyesyesyesyesyes.jpg
ReplyDelete...And finished. Man, that chapter went by too fast. Great job on yet another chapter.
Why does it say 18 when we're only on 17?
ReplyDeleteHOLLY CRAP ORIGINALITY!
ReplyDelete@Dave Mustang, the cynical Brony
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're liking it! :D
@PK
ReplyDeleteI don't read Fanfiction, but the description has no Cliches!
@Dave Mustang, the cynical Brony Then why take the time to comment on every post saying this is "X" cliche and not original and blah blah.
ReplyDeleteAnyways it will be interesting to see what the sun spheres will do.
Greatest OC fic I've ever read. No exaggeration.
ReplyDeleteVery nice story! The beginning reminds me greatly of Amber, city of lights, but it's actually more interesting! Great OC ponies, too. I kind of don't like much how generally males have more authority over females, since MLP:FiM so nicely broke this endemy, but I guess 10k years is a long enough timespan for things to change that much.
ReplyDeleteI don't really understand how it's the sunshine and not the actual heat that is lethal. I'd also like to point out that seismically active planets like the Earth are actually WAY HOTTER underground than higher up. The trapped Chilean miners were enduring over 35°C temperatures when above ground it was under 19°C.
I'm really really intrigued by the villains. You can actually understand a bit of them without having to go through cheesy villanous speeches. That was a great narrative there!
Eagerly waiting for more! =)
Chapter 18? What Chapter 18?
ReplyDeleteChapter 18 isnt here.... wtf?
ReplyDeleteAw… the title has been fixed back to chapter 17.
ReplyDeleteI was hoping so much we'd get a missed link to chapter 18. =[ Still no chapter 18 though. =[
chapter 18 is on the way! don't worry! :D
ReplyDelete@PK YAY :D
ReplyDeleteHi PK. It's me, Anon 58 from the Gdoc. I'll be following up with critiques shortly, as you suggested.
ReplyDeleteHokay. So.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, as I said previously, I really love this story and I'll be following its progress until the end. It's my favorite all-OC story yet. That said, there are a few minor things I want to mention.
First of all, in the latest chapter, you wrote "far closer to the burning sphere than either of them could have bared." The issue here is small: it's spelled "bear" ("bare is taking off clothing), so it should be something like "could have borne".
Secondly, I have feedback on the general feel of your latest chapters. They're kind of slow. Now I realize that this is probably necessary in between the epic moments, but a lot of the character interactions feel very lifeless. Jigsaw's wit is nowhere to be seen, the love relationship is nonchalant, and with the abundance of mundane activities like walking and making camp, it's starting to drag a little. Incendia's return helped a bit, but the story really needs some life in it, and soon.
The first ten or fifteen chapters were amazing, with humor, adventure, intrigue, and suspense all thrown into an epic mix. If you can reclaim that tone, and return the story to the exciting pace we saw at the beginning, you will have no further criticism from me.
Finally, I want to repeat, you are doing an awesome job and I love the story! Please keep writing and posting. I look forward to the next update.
@Ekevoo
ReplyDeleteHi, anon 42. Congrats again on your epic number.
I find this new chapter (18) doesn't stand on its own. I found that a bit too swallow. Even though we've already seen that things back in Incendia's city weren't good, that was a perfect moment for going "show, don't tell" (as in her telling even worse stories about the city as opposed to just claiming to have witnessed worse). I also missed some of Incendia's opinion on what's happened with her city since R got dethroned. I guess we can all see this happening later, but my point here is, if you dedicate a chapter to develop characters, dive in. Go deep. Have them change their minds, or the opposite (become more sure of themselves). Have denial, lies (even little white lies with no real consequence), bargain, seduction, whatever. One single inter-character disagreement isn't a very satisfactory development, really.
ReplyDeleteDespite this chapter, I really like the story and the universe, and, as stated in the chat, I'll definitely stick to the end!! =] I was anon 42.
@ActionScripter9109 Oh you told on me before I could do it myself! Dammit! XD
ReplyDeleteI second the feeling that the love relationship is too nonchalant. Yeah, Jigsaw is a practical thinker, and I've seen my share of wit-impaired people before, but does the guy never second guess himself when it comes to relationships? I looked the other way on the grounds of him being a widower, but it is an issue.
God...this is the best fanfic I have ever read...all I can say is wow...just wow...can't wait for more...
ReplyDeletewhat are oc ponies?
ReplyDeleteOC means Original Character.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what people have against Original Characters either. Every character is somepony's OC, its just some of them get payed and some don't. The quality of a character shouldn't be judged on that, they should be judged on how well they're crafted... And these ones are great. :)
ReplyDeleteI just wish I'd started reading this sooner.
Hey, thanks for the great criticism, you guys. I will for sure be taking it into account when I write the upcoming chapters. Sounds like everyone's hankering for some action! You picked a good time for it ;D
ReplyDeleteWoo! Just caught up! Man I am so pumped for the next chapter, this fanfic is great.
ReplyDeleteI love that it is constructed in short paragraphs (as opposed to long bulky ones) but I wish I could relate more to the characters, maybe by expanding into their thoughts/backgrounds
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI actually have something in the works that ma be relevant to this ;D
While the authors writing style is somewhat rough and the pacing is a bit rapid, I can honestly say that this is one of my favorite fanfics on the site. It has an ingenious story, compelling descriptions and believable characters. I really can't wait to see what happens next. I give this a 5/5 rating.
ReplyDeleteholy cheese! the googledoc is in read only mode!
ReplyDelete>PK's face when the doc is in read only mode for the FIRST TIME HE CAN REMEMBER
ReplyDelete:DDDDDDDDDDD
>PK's face when he can't get into his own document to chat
:((((
And then I waited for the next chapter...again.
ReplyDeleteDude... this last part was some deep shit. I loved every minute of it.
ReplyDeleteOf course the fragment of Luna would decide to force ponies to face their past mistakes and present fears.
ReplyDeleteI loved Jigsaw's and Tiptoe's reunion after the whole ordeal. Looks like it made them become closer together than before now that they've come to terms with what was bothering each of them before.
I wonder what elements Incendia's inner loneliness will add to the story as they progress.
Looking forward to seeing whatever Tantalus has planned.
i would like to apologize on my behalf for anon 28/ anon spamming in the docs chat right now.
ReplyDeleteSTORY PREDICTIONS/IDEAS (as of 19):
ReplyDeleteBoth Tantalus and Rubidium were right; Rubidium was Celestia's student that got hooked into some dark magic and started eating pony souls. After something horrible happens to Rarity (probably being the first Attenuator as mentioned above) Spike decides to fight fire with fire and get his revenge, and became obsessed and corrupted.
The Princesses tried to step in but got pwnd by both the power-crazed bastards (probably separately given the circumstances). With no distractions they go to all-out war along the temparate ring, brushing aside all who get in the way, then nothing changes for ten thousand years while the environment gets progressively shittier.
As an aside, I think PK underestimates just how long 10,000 years is. That's like the entirety of recorded human history.
Sorry for the wall of text, just thought I'd get my ideas out there. How am I doing so far PK?
Read all 19 chapters in the span of a few hours last night and had a little chat with pk and others in docs chat as well. Great story, anypony who hasn't given this tale a chance is missing out majorly. 6/5 worth every minute of lost sleep.
ReplyDelete"That’s a rarity" noooooooo, thats an Incendia!
ReplyDeleteOooooh boy! 19 was one chapter I regret missing the GDocs chat of. Oh well.
ReplyDeleteThat was AWESOME! I finally feel I get a good grasp of Incendia and Jigsaw. Tiptoe not so much, but it's still much better than what it was. I love Incendia's backstory - it's simple and short, but very intense.
And finally a proper kiss! WOOO \o/
I don't really understand what Tiptoe was tested for. Bravery? Knowing her mate? What is it? Also, why would she ask him to stop calling her pegasus when it is what she is? Even if she probably means P Word Privileges, this is not really implied at all.
Love the chapter! Moar story, moar! <3
chapter 14 i had my suspicions from when they first saw him but that really drove the nail home and I burst into tears poor Spike all this time and he is still broken over Rarity's death. Great story can't wait for the next chapter
ReplyDeleteSince when has Incendia been a fillyfooler?
ReplyDeleteDid I miss something? Though, thinking back I can't recall any character traits whatsoever.
One criticism I have is that 10,000 years is a tad absurd. Maybe 1000 years or at the least 100. I can't imagine how the surface isn't almost completely dust from the time spent unattended. Also, why does the sun area vaporize ponies? Shouldn't it just be a lifeless desert?
I'm glad to finally discover how Jigsaw feels about losing Antimony, until now it felt like a random throwaway plot point.
Theory time: Tantalus is the combined psyche of Spike and whatever ultimate evil Rubidium unleashed.
@Benschachar
ReplyDeleteSince always, her sexuality just never had a chance to come up until right now. When they met in Stalliongrad, they were too concerned with staying alive to discuss these things with each other, you know. And the second time they met she was gushing blood all over the place. This is the reveal, there really wasn't any buildup.
The 10,000 years thing... there is a reason civilization still exists, can't say more than that. It's a plot point later.
And of course, I am tight-lipped as ever about theories.
(By the way, I like this story a lot, but there a few detail bugging me... 1 of them is the 10 000Years thing, but it was ''partially'' addressed on DA... another one is ''Spike'' (aka: Tantalus) character, as I will mention a bit below, in one of the points.)
ReplyDelete-----
Part 19 :
>How dare they attempt to take what was rightfully his? Those ponies- those disgusting creatures that crawled unbidden on the surface of the world, his world!
-Huhhhh... My memory must surely have problems, because I thought this was ''Supposed'' to be Spike ?
You know... Twilight assistant ? Love ponies in general ?
I get that he can deeply hate whatever pony(ies) that might have cause the ''catastrophe'' 10 000years ago (whatever it is supposed to be ?) or that he may have some resentment against ponykind... but to go and *hate* ponykind as a whole, just ''because'' ? AND, also while claiming that it's HIS world ? Just doesn't work or sound right...
I mean... What ? He want to dominate the world, because ? What ''world'' ? It's not like there's much left...
And why does he want the fragments... does he have the other ? Does he plan to resurrect the Princesses or the world ?
All in all, ''Spike'' being like that, with so little information to explain his extremely odd character, rather chaotic display, and illogical actions... There's -nothing- linking this ''character'' to Spike, except for the 'repetition' of the 'word' : Rarity, every now and then.
I sincerly hope that he will show SOME amount of ''Spike''-ness, in future situations.
>“No! No, get off me! What are you-” it spluttered, twisting back and forth in an attempt to break her grip. >“You pass, Tiptoe.”
-...well, that was strange ?
>“Your quest is futile, you know. What exactly is it you hope to achieve? To reassemble the broken goddesses?
-Well, this does seem like a good plan.
Or, maybe to collect enough in order to recreate a new Alicorn that would move the Sun and/or Moon... who knows... yes, who ?
>a silvery-white orb, just like a miniature moon
-So... are ther just 1 fragment of Celestia and 1 of Luna, or is there like 3 each or 10 ?
Just want to say that I've really enjoyed the series so far. You do a marvelous job constructing the atmosphere of a desolate world without jumping off the slope to grimdark (which I'm rather sick of ;p)
ReplyDeleteDon't let negative feedback discourage you from improving as you have. 19 was a fine read :D
@Benschachar - Have you ever seen The Chronicles of Riddick? I'd imagine the whole "deadly sunlight" thing is kinda like that prison planet, except static and without a visible border.
ReplyDeleteConstant sunlight would eventually burn away the ozone layer, letting deadly solar radiation through. It would be like the worst sunburn imaginable x1000.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteBasically, this. Standing outside unaided directly under the sun would be like standing directly in front of an unshielded nuclear fusion reaction- generally NOT conductive to a happy pony.
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteI'm really, really stingy about putting out bits of Tantalus. He's supposed to be an utter mystery at the moment. The correct response is basically "how on earth did spike turn into THIS?"
so you're actually doing it right.
All I can say is stay tuned!
I read this story for the plot
ReplyDeleteThe plot pictures are kind of a joke, don't take 'em too seriously guys~
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading up to the most resent update, and I have to say I am very impressed!
ReplyDeleteThis really makes me want to start writing. I have quite a few ideas up in my noggin, but I just can't seem to put them on paper...
But anyways! Amazing story that I will absolutely look out for...Can't wait for another update!
Theories tiem! Rubidium was/is Big mac, Trixie unleashed the ultimate evil, Ultimate evil is pretty much Nightmare incarnate, Which is why Spike and Mac became Tantalus and Rubidium. The ponies who were used as power converters where direct decendants of the Royal family, Vis Blueblood. And Jigsaw and Tiptoe are going to become the new rulers of Day and night, Jigsaw day and Tiptoe Night, just for the Juxtaposition of their colors and the colors assoiciated with night/day. I will be suprised as hell if more than one of these prove to be correct. This story is great, I read it in one sitting. The cries of quality dropping weren't true, from what i could tell. It was more that each chapter all of a sudden seemed to drastically shorten in length for a while there. Personally I prefer to wait for a while for a long capter than have a series of short ones, though I know the opinion's of others will likely differ.
ReplyDeleteWell deserving of its six star rating, hope you continue to be insanely prolific and write as many ponyfics as you can handle
Can't decide whether a long chapter that says a lot but takes forever to get here is better vs. short chapters that update quickly but not much plot advancement. :(
ReplyDelete~Appletank
So I got a tumblr, probably gonna be mostly about Antipodes and other pony stuff unless nobody uses it. :v
ReplyDeletehttp://pkponies.tumblr.com/
Feel free to ask me stuff.
My favorite fanfic without a doubt.
ReplyDelete@PK
ReplyDeleteDude what the hells with the plot pics? why would you take your strong female characters and let them be portrayed as sexual objects? thats not a joke man. I'm not laughing. This is defiling a good clean story
Incendia: 1
ReplyDeleteTantalus: ... ouch O_x
Good update (and love the turnaround time!), poor Spike though. Keep it up, I love Antipodes :D
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteLooks like someone is...
Butthurt.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteflankflustered.
@Anonymousthere are so many dumb things here I don't know where to begin
ReplyDeletei'm not gonna turn away good fan art because of the perspective it's drawn from.
It was intended to not be taken seriously.
Fan art isn't going to change the story. Antipodes isn't going to become a clopfic, and I hardly see how this is any different than the shipping I've already had for quite a while.
And what perhaps annoys me most, the implication that a female character cannot be strong and comfortable in her sexuality.
BRAVO
@Anonymous
ReplyDeletecome at me bro
It's stories like these that keep me up til four in the morning.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteIt's comments like this that keep me writing.
Seriously, this goes out to all the fans- I couldn't have done it without you.
@Anon 9:42
ReplyDeleteHe is not the one that made them.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteReally? I'm that late?
If anyone wants an explanation, I was sort-of-kind of asked to as a request/joke, but it was totally consensual you guys I promise, it wasn't rape :I Tiptoe's might be pushing it a little, in hindsight (LOL see what I did there) but seriously chillax anon. I don't really see what the big deal is, there's totally racier stuff out there.
ReplyDeleteAlso
>good clean story
>contains f-bomb
Mm right okay
For some strange reason, I keep reading...
ReplyDeleteJigsaw's lines in Ewan McGregor's voice,
Tiptoe's in Kari Wahlgren's voice,
and Incendia's in Tabitha St. Germain's voice.
@DantE.MusT.DiE
ReplyDeletethis is the single greatest comment i have ever received
> Plot pics... a hazard of the internets.
ReplyDeleteEgghead explanation:
For both males and females, showing vulnerability is "attractive"... Honestly it's just a little weird how prevalent it is. Showing vulnerability makes the viewer feel strong (or really uncomfortable if the don't have some inner need to inflate their own position relative to others.)
There's not so many poses for ponies... Maybe you could move the plotshots to the end of the image pile?
> Also, even FO:E doesn't drop the F-bomb. XD They use "Buck" (which I assume means kick really, really hard?). "No one HURTS my friends!" (Or even something relating the the fact that this dragon just WIPED out her home city!) Would be more relevant. If fuck means have sexual intercourse, honestly it seems out of place.
Tantalus isn't doing anything any "fucking", he's just trying to kill them. :[ Y U no let me kill ponies?
Another great chapter. :)
ReplyDeletewhat i like about this story is that the writing is concise but it speaks all its volumes, nice work
ReplyDelete@ Nara,
ReplyDeleteI specifically remember FO:E Actualy saying: "fuck" many times...I don't think I've ever seen it say "Buck" honestly...
@Nara
ReplyDeleteChapter 4.
FUCK ME WITH CELESTIA'S FOREHOOVES
@PK
ReplyDelete@Jet2112112
Oop! Proven wrong! XD
I must have remembered wrong, sorry.
Is it weird that I can't stop reading Jigsaw's voice in a Scottish accent?
ReplyDelete@PK
ReplyDeleteThere isn't a single drop of blood sweat and tears in your story that isn't liquid gold to me.
So I thought it deserved voice characterizations just as golden.
*Nudgety-Nudge* Pitch this at a studio.*Winkety-Wink*
@Anonymous
Everything's coming together as planned.
So no, it's not weird. It's very good, actually.
Read Part 19 / Come back the next week to read the new Part 20 / See about 10comments around people going nut-crazy over barely a few pictures (which must have been removed, because I see NOTHING ''suggestive'' above).
ReplyDeleteConclusion :
Hummmm... I thought we were here to read a story ?
So, more story-read, and less Picture-comment ?
Sheeesh...
-----
I'm still wondering about ''How Many'' Celestia and Luna orbs there is to collect ?
-----
Part 20 :
>Then, Jigsaw was enveloped in a sheet of whirling silver mist.
-Hmm... So, Jigsaw has the Luna Orbs and Tiptoe has the Celestia Orbs, I see...
I must say that, now, I have a specific theory in mind, about those Orbs.
We will see where this goes...
>Spike had hidden away in the chaos following the fall, and the being approached him, brokering a deal.
>Eventually, however, he succumbed to my influence. Very little of him remains, now.
-A bit like Diablo 1-2. Corruption of the Hero trying to contain the Evil, etc, etc...
...so ? Possessed-Spike basicly killed and exterminated virtually ''all'' life on the Planet ? Oooook ?
-Also, if he has dealt with BOTH the Princesses, the Elements of Harmony, and basicly all the ''military'' power of the world, plus he can live Eternally (10000+)...
Hummm...
*5min later* I have NOOO idea of what might be more powerful than what has been already thrown at that Demonic-thing ?
I have only ONE(1) single theory of what could bring a powerful enough *Deus-Ex-Machina* to do something, later on.
>Together we can rule this world.
-Which is basicly ''Nothing'', since the world is pretty much gone to Oblivion... except for a few minor stuff.
I have trouble understanding the need for villains to control what become basicly a floating rock in space... since this kind of villain seems to ALWAYS want to ''nuke'' everything alive or moving on its surface. Nihilistic villains, like Kefka, in Final Fantasy 6.
>Deep inside Tiptoe's flank, Jigsaw could see flesh knitting back together.
-Regen powers from the Orb(s) or ? (It says that he's ''seeing'' it, which isn't really that clearly said, if he's responsible for it or not.)
>Tantalus was lying on the cave floor, his scaly skin looking raw, red, and undeveloped. His eyes opened, whole and intact.
-*Raise an intrigued eyebrow* ...hmmm... Lose a life, shed the old and take the 'next' one. I must suppose a limited number of lives... he could have already lost a few, 10000years ago...
This is... interesting.
... Also, observation : It seems that the Moon-side of the planet isn't as Cold (merely like a cold winter) as the Sun-side is Hot (described as infernally hot), since they can apparently stay outside for quite a long time, and even more with just a 'simple' fire-sphere-thingy ? ...
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteApparently, pony butts cause more controversy here than Eminem does (or did) on MTV.
God, I am going to regret starting this at 3:14 in the morning, aren't I? Maybe I'll chew through this and The Well-Tuned Piano at once.
ReplyDeleteBetter get the tea going...
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteWorth it. Didn't make it through Well-Tuned Piano (the chaotic parts were too distracting, so I put on some standard funeral doom instead), but I got through the story. Definitely, definitely worth it. Very good characterizations, more than serviceable dialogue, and some interesting world building going on exactly the way I enjoy best: slow and subtle.
Criticisms:
-The face-your-inner-fears enchantment is extremely overused as a tearjerker, but yours was done very well despite this. Plus, it made some sense if you think about how NMM came about...
-The Stalliongrad chapters were odd. They felt a bit hurried, which is understandable considering the direction the plot took. Still, I would like to see more of the place, despite it feeling less compelling than other parts of the story - perhaps in dreams, or flashbacks.
-The romance was not (thank god) rushed or out-of-nowhere, but it definitely felt as if you were still finding your feet writing-wise in the earlier chapters. This has vanished in the later ones, happily, so kudos on that!
My favorite parts are the world, the characters, and the slowly-revealing plot elements. I'm worse at explaining why I like things than at criticizing them, but hopefully it is sufficient to say that all these are expertly done and feel exceptionally natural to the story - even when I recognize a cliche (the tests), it doesn't feel forced. You rock; woo-hoo!