Author: Corejo
Description: When Scootaloo moves to Ponyville, she meets a certain cyan pegasus who becomes her idol. Things go well until a pivotal event causes her hopes and dreams to come crashing down around her. Broken and betrayed, Scootaloo must learn to accept her reality and embrace her inner strength with the help of her father and two best friends.Transcendence
Flock Together (Sequel Part 3!)
Additional Tags: Growing up, Scootasad, Commitment, Determination,
446 comments:
PART SEBIN!
ReplyDeleteI can see her not wanting the mother figure responsibility, what I can't see her doing is shattering scoots dreams by saying she was never good enough.
ReplyDeleteSure, it's sort of out of character for Dash. But not to the point where I can't see it happening.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, this story is REALLY nicely written, I can't help but come back to it each time it's updated.
Definitely worth a read.
i agree with pigsquirrel it's pretty Cannon now that scoot is going to be some sort of dancer, or maybe an extreme sport fanatic, but not an acrobatic flyer or racer. She may idolize RBD but her path isn't to be a wonderbolt, and if rainbow knows this then it's likely she's trying to force scoot to focus on what her dreams are, and not on making RBD proud. once again, loyalty is a gray area, and a point of perspective. It's in character if somehow RBD thinks what she did was the best thing she could have done for Scootaloo. Also this fic isn't over, and having a "seemingly" abrupt change in character that is later explained isn't such an uncommon technique as an author. I'd wait for the story to pan out and give this guy the benefit of the doubt, after all the rest of the fic is well thought out and superbly written, i doubt he got lazy and said "now i COMPLETLEY disregard RBD's personality for teh lulz." If when it's complete this shift in attitude from RBD isn't fully explained, then yes i'll agree it's OOC, from what we as readers know. But i'm certain all will be explained before this fan-fic is concluded.
ReplyDelete@Pigsquirrel
ReplyDeleteBut Dash doesn't really seem like the type to go that route with teaching someone about something like this. She's not sympathetic enough like to trully understand the ins and outs of someones character well enough to do this kind of thing in good conscience, nor clever (In a, manipulate people kind of way) enough to know what buttons to push.
Even an aspie like me can see that saying, "You were never good enough." Isn't going to push someone to try their best in other areas or try to get them to trully succeed, it's just going to crush them.
Rainbow Dash is probably more quick to give an honest answer than Applejack is. When she was the only one to not have given up on the ticket for the Gala, she outright cheered that she was, when Twilight told Rarity that she wasn't a laughing stock, Dash immediately said, "She kinda is." If Dash didn't think Scootaloo was destined for the kind of life she was leading then she'd just come out and say she didn't think she was cut out for it. Dash has never been about being subtle.
While I'm also taken back by RD's sudden disowning of Scootaloo, I'm sure it'll get explained later on to make more sense.
ReplyDeleteBut, like Specter Von Baren said, telling someone "You were never good enough" will not make a person try harder in another field. It's much more likely that it would cause the person/pony to turn on themselves, and thus stop trying at all.
In the event they don't turn on themselves, they would instead be likely to continue their current path anyway in an attempt to prove the other wrong and recover the pride they lost; or just to prove them wrong out of spite.
@flamewar
ReplyDeleteAhem...
http://ponibooru.413chan.net/post/view/51575
@Specter Von Baren Thats just it though, Dash is not smart enough to know what to say, or how to manipulate somepony to properly achieve pushing Scoots to another facet to get her cutiemark and purpose. Which brings me back to my last post, it makes sense that she was not OOC if that is the goal in Dash's mind. Dash is not subtle or the most clever pony and just royally messed it up. She might even have thought she did a good job. As been stated, cannon is she would not make a good big sister.
ReplyDeleteDash loves attention, fans, admirers, and she is there for her friends to help them succeed so the only reason to push Scootaloo away would be because shes getting much older, she should already have her cutiemark, and despite her success so far in racing/flying, she still has no cutiemark, meaning her heart isnt in it.
Maybe she talked to another pony about it, and that was the goal, and Dash just messed it up being Dash. Please dont hate me Dashie, I <3 you!
I hope we'll get an explanation for Dash's behaviour, or else I'll be disappointed.
ReplyDeleteOther than that, enjoyed reading the fic, even if the prose felt a little to purple-y at times.
@Specter Von Baren
ReplyDeleteWouldn't her willingness to give an honest answer make her more likely to bluntly drop Scootaloo? Knowing someone has the potential to be a champion isn't very easy when you've never seen them at work. and even hard work won't make up for intuitive talent. According to this fic Scoot has a great work ethic, but she's never been a natural flyer, RBD even comes up with her tricks for her. There's nothing wrong with it, but it does suggest that Scoot isn't doing what she's meant to do.
Watching Scootaloo after a month without her tutelage may have been enough to show her Scoot has the work ethic of a stunt flyer, but not the imagination or even natural talent. In that event sometimes it's best to just derail someone, and get them off a path they'll never excel at. once again, i'll be waiting for the authors take on it, after-all all my speculation is well and good, but i'm no writer.
Wow Corejo, you sure update fast.
ReplyDeleteHoly shit.
ReplyDeleteHoly shit.
Holy shit.
i actually had ch 7 and 8 backed up from a long weekend because they're relatively short. :D
ReplyDeleteCh 9 will come out a little later, and the rest after that will be much longer.
Again, you've lost me. The story and plot are understandable, but I don't think I've ever read a story with such huge characterization twists in such small amounts of time.
ReplyDeleteI can't help but read it though.
That's good, right?
keep it up corejo, it's grade A stuff.
ReplyDeleteYou...you...
ReplyDeleteYou...you send one of the BEST Crusaders...through an emotional blender...
My GOD, I don't whether to bear your child or castrate you...
To be honest, I'm not sure I want to do either.
So sad....
ReplyDeleteScoot be ok...
you just, you...
ReplyDeleteNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
SCOOTAAALLLOOOOOOOO!!!
@flamewar
ReplyDeleteThis is pretty much what I've been saying. RD is not necessarily the friend you WANT, but the friend you NEED. She's unrefined. She often speaks before thinking. She's kind of a bitch. But she is unique in that she doesn't just embody her Element, but she also inspires it in others. And not just in a "one-off life lesson" kind of way. In a way that cuts deep.
The dynamic we see here is basically: Scoot and RD are kind of like Batman and the Joker. They are too different to ever really get along, but they are complimentary enough to be forever drawn to one another. I haven't quite decided on which one is the Joker, though.
Omg... I'm so close to crying. I saying "no... no. No... No..." But then I saw that it was still incomplete. And now I'm even more excited yet scared for the next chapter.
ReplyDeleteoh
ReplyDeletewell
that's too bad
One of the best things I like about your writing is that you effectively utilize chapters as a tool to enhance your writing. For so many others a chapter is nothing more than a way to break a story into more manageable chunks, which is fine if the story is complete and youre reading it all in one go, but nothing aggravates me more than following a story that is in progress, and having absolutely nothing of significance happen in that chapter.
ReplyDeleteLe collective gasp~
ReplyDeleteThis is an interesting turn indeed.
ReplyDeleteTAKING ALL BETS
1-10 dead
1-5 Broken Wings
1-100 Dash Rescue
1-2 Injured but Learns lesson about etc.
1-20 Paralyzed
1-10000 eaten by Monsters from everfree forest
Special bets
1-100 other members of the Mane 6 are at least mentioned
1-10 Applebloom gets another line
1-50 RANDOM SHIPPING
1-1000 ScootaDash
'Chapter 8: Because you simply didn't have enough desire to see it, here's something to really get to you.
ReplyDelete-Corejo'
Parapharsing and conjecture aside, I honestly can not wait for each new chapter. And the content of this one really hits home, due to personal reasons. Even if it didn't the writing and talent here should make you care. There is a reason this has 6 stars, and it deserves all of them.
Chapter 8 was a really good reflection spot. And confound these cliffhangers, they drive me to want to read more! I'm really hoping for a happy ending here (even if it's a way's away), or else I may get too depressed. >_>
ReplyDelete@flamewar
ReplyDeleteI am dearly conflicted about this too. I do however feel that for it to be as simple as 'loyalty to the bolts above others' rings far too hollow. The rich texture of the story so far gives me the impression that this could have been an ultimatum laid down by Spitfire. After all she saw how close scoot was to RD just before they left, such a relationship would be a heck of a risk for the Bolt's reputation.
We'll find out the truth no doubt, perhaps even a look into Dash's reasoning. She probably wouldn’t regret having shot Scoots hopes; what she said to the filly was true, if harshly delivered. It isn't fair of Dash to give Scoots false hope of ever being able to keep up with her, and that Dash is more brawn then brain supports this line of logic of tough love.
The feeling takes me towards the idea that the one decision Dash will ultimately regret is joining the Bolts in the first place, if this is what they expect of her. What she did is diametrically opposed to her strongest attribute.
Whether she wants the responsibility of being Scoot’s maternal figure or not, it’s there and is important to both the filly and Dash herself. It isn't something she can just cast asside without consiquence for both of them.
True her actions towards Gilda were similar, but that wasn’t a case of where loyalty lays; it is about defending your friends, even against other friends. Telling an old friend that they’re being a goit isn’t being disloyal if it’s true.
It’s probably hopeing for too much, but it would be nice if Dash returned later in the story, maybe not to make amends, but to at least tell Scoot what she couldn’t say with the other Bolts watching;
that while the filly will never be fast enough to keep up, she doesn’t have to be, because she’s proud of her no matter what she does in life.
On the whole a wonderful read! Please keep going, I look forward to every update :D
I am sorry, but this is just ridicilous. Scoot has a good enough life. A father who loves her unconditionally, two great friends. Running away was already very illogical, this is just idiotic. There is no way you can justify her making this decision the way you have written this story. I suppose I am being more harsh then I need to be. I have been enjoying this up until the last two chapters.Your general writing is good enough. But you really jumped the shark here.
ReplyDeleteJust finished chapter 8 and °O° !
ReplyDeleteCorezo, you better post the next chapter really quick or, even if I don't know how right now, I will track you down to take it from your cold hand !
Seriously, why do you play with my feelings like that T_T ?
@Corejo
ReplyDeleteHow long is a little later to you?
That said, keep up the good work, bro !
ReplyDelete@Baree
ReplyDeleteYou obviously have never known someone suffering from depression. I had a friend back in high school who commit suicide after his father was killed in a car crash by a drunk driver. He had a great family, many wonderful memories (lots of which I was present for), a girlfriend, and a good part time job. He was in National Honors Society and Beta Club. He had so much and so many to live for, but he couldn't overcome his grief.
Depressed people don't think rationally. That is something I had to learn the hard way, and will never forget...
@20%morerainbow:
chapter 9 is now finished, but I'll be holding onto it for 1-2 days as a buffer for ch 10. Be patient! :D
@Baree Agreement with the author. Humans are not rational actors; it's silly to think that ponies are any more logical, especially with the track record of Ponyville's denizens (who have, one should note, been said to be crazy).
ReplyDeleteAnyways, looks like Scoot's one for sorrow, if you'll pardon the allusion. Nice chapter; brief, but nice. Glad to hear that nine's done, and that there is a ten.
@CherryRie
ReplyDeleteI agree with you wholeheartedly, to be honest i WANT Dash to come back, and be less of a bad girl in this fic. Dash is my favorite pony, but i was merely saying that while what she did to Scootaloo was wrong, it wasn't OOC for RBD under certain circumstances. I'm thinking you may be right about the ultimatum angle, especially considering that in this fic the Wonderbolts seem to be very concerned about who you associate with outside the group. That comes back down to loyalty, the Wonderbolts have always been Dash's dream, and i'd buy her falling in step with them if it's what she HAS to do to be one.
As for the story as a whole i'm waiting to see how this plays out. Scoot's probably not dead, and we know she changed her mind at the last second. The obvious answer seems to be that her attempted suicide will shock RBD into realizing the mistake she made. Then they make up and feel better^^. But personally i'm hoping for something else, idk what but i'll just have to wait and see^^.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdlS-iEltp4 BTW, no scotadash >.> this vid explains it best imo
@Corejo
ReplyDeleteWell, I still fail to see any signs of depression in Scootaloo up until Rainbow tells her she was never good enough. *Shrugs* You are right of course. I am lucky enough that I never had to see someone suffer through depression, let alone commit suicide. Maybe I would look at the story differently if I had. As it is though, its just not something I can find believable.
Part 6. Scootasad? Readersad. ;_;
ReplyDeleteOne goal, to make her proud. One complete failure, rejection by both the mother she's known and the one she didn't. Might be harder to take than their death, with no coping mechanism (ala To Fix You).
ReplyDeleteThat's not Starshine's mane: it's Luna's.
@AlanJCastonguay
ReplyDeleteYeah, I really don't see Dash giving that kind of abrupt rejection. Dash is brash, strong-willed, sometimes a little careless; but I simply can't see her being that insensitively stupid. Her words were those of someone who genuinely never cared about someone, and it seems to be rather a bizarre change after everything she went through to train Scoots. And Scoots seems to have come in 2nd place, not exactly a total failure. In fact, the Rainbow Dash we see after the contest is far more like the selfish, disloyal Discord Dash than her usual self, willing to toss aside her friends to save only what she deems important. *gasp!* Could she have been corrupted? Could one of the Wonderbolts be a secret Discorded spy?! :O *if not, at least I have new fic material to use!* ;D
Possibility: Dash was coached by the Wonderbolts to use some form of tough love, with the intent of Scootaloo fighting back. But, being the insensitive dolt she is, buggered it up.
ReplyDeleteI've currently finished up Chapter 8, and I certainly hope this isn't the end of the story... I understand that not all stories have a happy ending, but considering how close this story is to something that happened to a dear friend, I certainly hope something else happens that changes the currently grim fate of our beloved Scootaloo.
ReplyDeleteI've always had a bit of a resentment towards Fan-fictions before giving this particular piece of work a try. I tend to have high expectations in the literature I read, and I never thought a fan-fiction could meet the quality I look for. Well, I can confidently say that this particular story has exceeded the expectations I had for Fan-fiction ten fold.
On a side note, I hope that when I garner the courage to dabble into writing some of my (non-pony related) stories, that I'll find people willing to give as much constructive criticism as I've seen here. Keep up the great work!
you should go falloff a cloud for doing this to scoot. update soon. i hate cliffies.
ReplyDeleteDear Corejo
ReplyDeleteRight now I have not even read 5% of all the 1286 on Equestria Daily listed fanfics but since I am really picky and have high expectations of what I read I am sure my opinion has its value.
Transcendence is at the moment by far my favorite fanfic and this has many reasons besides the fact that Rainbow Dash is my favorite pony and Scootaloo follows right on rank 3 (before I started to read this fanfic, she was on rank 8). It did not receive its 6 stars just for the lenght of the fanfic (sadly, Transcendence is still too short, I hope it will not end before Chapter 20), and not only because of the superb content but what impresses me the most is the fabulous and incomparable well English.
Tyco does not only teach Scoot new vocabulary but also do YOU teach me and help me to improve my shabby English more than most other fanfics what helped me alot for the shortstory I had to write for English class. Here I might add that a resemblance between my shortstory and your chapter 8 is noticeable although I wrote it 2 weeks ago. Nevertheless I have to admit that you helped me a bit to come up with the idea. Obviously, chapter 8 is more than twice as long, ponyrelated and written in a far better English.
I have to repeat, I really like the story although there are always tiny things that bother somepony, for example does it feel slightly rushed to me in Chapter 7. I hope you do NOT listen to the "OOC mumbojumbo" that drives you bananas ;-) since I know from personal experience and as well from S1E14: Suited for Success that it will only drag Transcendence to the worse!
Your cliffhangers are the worst I have ever read - in a positive way! I always planned to continue with Transcendence when it is finished but it appeared the cliffhangers are stronger than I. Every time I finish a chapter I could just scream for the next one.
Now some OOC from me, so better do not read it. It seems I have interpreted the new chapters different than most of you. For me it would make perfectly sense if Rainbow Dash realized that she seemed to be the wrong soil for Scoot's castle to build on. Rainbow Dash now has not enough time anymore for Scootaloo and the latter one could not win the Best Young Fliers Competition with Rainbow Dash as her reason and impulse. She might have already planned this when she realized that Scootaloo sees Rainbow Dash as her mother's substitute and prepared Scoot therefore with those important words that (hopefully) kept Scootaloo alive.
Scootaloo needs an own impulse, personal reasons to train and to improve, she cannot rely all the time on Rainbow Dash, so the latter capped their relationship abruptly but with a positive desire. Now Scoot has to continue not for nothingness but the sole goal to please Rainbow Dash but instead with own pleasure and ambition (at least if she continues / is still capable to do so).
ReplyDeleteSadly, we have to wait and bear the cliffhanger until Corejo allows us to experience the truth and not vague guesses.
Finally I want to add my personal opinion to the debate about Scoot's hopefully failed attempt of committing suicide. I myself, still a little bit of time away from my adulthood, not long ago suffered from slight depression, luckily without any suicide attempts. An average human would not understand my reasons since I seemed to be happy, with friends, a great future prospect including higher education and an athletic body (the latter one is the reason I am so pleased with Scoot's training's description). Sadly, I tried to keep it a secret since I was embarrassed about it, being depressed although I have a better life than billions of other people. I only write something as personal as this because of the internet's anonymity. I simply did not see a reason why I should continue my life when there is no rational sense besides the unimportant biological and few personal, subjective ones. When something like this is reason enough to suffer from depression, why should the loss of both your mother and your mother's substitute as well as the thought that you were nothing but a problem to them not be reason enough? The stress resulting from a tight training schedule as well as public obligations (e.g. school) and recent confrontations (e.g. she was insulted by the aristocrat) just worsened it. Trust me, it is plausible and Corejo wrote it well.
I wish I knew you Corejo, thank you very much for this terrific fanfic. I hope I will read a lot more from you in the future and that the English in my first (double) comment on Equestria Daily as well as its lenght was bearable. =P
Regards
Tryko aka Lucario.532 (SC2 EU) aka Rainbow Dash
@Rainbow Dash
ReplyDeleteWow, that's one heck of a double post... Anyways, glad to hear this story improved your thoughts of Scootaloo. I chose to write my story on a bet from a friend and I chose Scoot as my main character because she's my favorite pony, and, in general, seems to be a very under-appreciated character.
In regards to your hope that this story will be 20+, I'm sorry to say it won't be. I do, however, have definite plans for a one-shot story 2 as a back-story to Tyco and I've been brainstorming ideas for a story 3, but we'll have to see how that pans out before I commit to it as I would like to try my hand in dark humor with the latter.
@Rocket to Insanity
ReplyDeleteinb4 ch9 post: your comment made me lol because 3 of those are going to happen, and I strongly considered a variation on a 4th.
And RBD's motives become clear... and much rejoicing was had by the readers!
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to the next chapter(s)!
Chapter 9 has been posted, so let's see which of those things happen in this chapter, if any. :)
ReplyDeleteWell, like BlankFlankBrony said, RBD's motives became clear. Rainbow did what she did for a reason, and it did tear her up inside afterall. So she wasn't out of character after all. There, now everyone that stopped reading because of what RD said can now start reading again.
ReplyDeleteI think the biggest thing to remember is that the story is told in Scootoloo's perspective. So there's no way for you to know the story besides how Scootoloo tells it, hence the misunderstanding. After all, we don't always understand everyone else perfectly right?
Also, to the being depressed and suicidal thing not making sense, I think that's kinda the point. That's why it's so tragic when someone that has a lot going for them decide to take their life. Some people have taken their lives for much less you know.
Damnit that was the cliche I was hoping you WOULDN'T use.
ReplyDeleteOh well, still makes for a good story, and this story's getting heated now. I am interest.
Corejo, why are you so awesome at writing?
ReplyDeleteI just read it.
ReplyDeleteHoly crap dude. That was amazing.
She seems a bit not-injured-enough if you'll excuse me for saying that, but THANK YOU for not putting her in a hospital.
Damn, I feel invigorated after reading the end of Chapter 9. And I'm reminded why this story deserves 6 stars! I'm glad you didn't use Rainbow Dash's dismissal at face value just for the sake of the [Sad] tag. I'm intrigued as to what will happen now.
ReplyDeleteI'm disappointed in how it turned out. It's all just so damn convenient, and the stuff with Pyra didn't exactly help my suspension of disbelief.
ReplyDeleteIt just robs the meaning of all the conflict over the past few chapters. I'm hoping as it draws towards the conclusion it will return to the quality the initial chapters had.
@Sniper1138
ReplyDeleteHow do you mean, "robs the conflict of any meaning" you have to remember that chapters 6-9 are ALL one day. I'm trying to figure out whats so convenient about it? RD told scoot to "go home", and then sent Pyra to send scoot a reminder, that "when you've got nothing left, you do". That's not exactly a long chain of coincidence. Just want to know what your thinking.
I'll abstain from a prediction in this post because i'm ALWAYS wrong and i like the direction this story is going. can't wait for more dialog from Dash though.
The conflict between RD and Scootaloo feels like it got resolved too easily. We go from Scootaloo being suicidal to being relatively fine in the space of one chapter. Just feels like it had a good buildup, but the payoff was lacking.
ReplyDeleteI do want to see how this ends though.
Headcanon: http://soundcloud.com/jackle-app/scootaloos-wings
ReplyDelete@Flamewar
ReplyDeleteSee: @EonMaster
That's the general idea.
On top of that though, the constant barrage of cliches (Pyra's entire character, RBD trying to "strengthen" Scootaloo by essentially abandoning her, RBD being torn up about abandoning her, etc) used to justify RBD's betrayal physically hurt me to read.
It's too much at once. Rather than character development it was character de/rerailment.
That and the fact that everything could've been avoided if RBD had shown half an ounce of common sense and been an actual mentor to Scootaloo after the BYF competition rather than simply abandon her to her own devices just makes me sick.
Knowing that RD was torn up isn't really enough. I want to know HER explanation.
ReplyDeleteHoly jesus I got chills reading this newest chapter, as soon as I saw the word pride I became extremely happy that Scoot finally knows what to do.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the great work Corejo, can't wait for these 11 months of Scoot's training to be over!
This world's calendar. 12-1=11. You sly dog!
ReplyDeleteI'd be fine with an alternate Dash who was an asshole at heart. It's not a stretch to imagine asshole-Dash being disappointed that all her effort was "wasted" on a non-perfect pony. And I'd like to see a Scootaloo who becomes independent from RD.
ReplyDeleteInstead, we get a bunch of bad cliches. It is a very stupid thing for a mentor to do that, and I don't believe that cannon RD is that stupid. Unfortunately, the author appears as such, as this seems to be the entire point that the story is based off of. Corejo is a fantastic writer, but this almost destroys the whole fic for me. He is very good at causing strong emotion, and it hurts to see so much passion put into fleshing out this one monumentally stupid premise.
Main character: Student. Big conflict: Mentor rejects student. Stuff happens: Student almost commits suicide. Resolution: Mentor only rejected student to help student become stronger. What did Student, our main character, do to resolve conflict? Absolutely nothing since she wasn't even given the opportunity, and apparently didn't even need to try to do anything but work even harder for Mentor.
Hm, well, and everyone lived happily ever after, I guess? This latest chapter was a bit of a let down.
ReplyDeleteDash's unique training method breaks Scoots so bad she nearly commits suicide, and suddenly it's alright because Dash was just kidding and felt real bad about doing it? And Scoots just accepts it? Suddenly she's fine with RD again?
So, I just read chapter 9, and I love the story, but I feel like RD's comment being passed off as misinterpreted seems kinda unlikely. In the past, Rainbow never showed any hesitation straight up telling Scootaloo to be better and work harder, so why she was so cryptic this time doesn't really make sense to me. I honestly kinda wished it had ended with Rainbow Dash leaving Scootaloo in the dust to continue as a Wonderbolt. Don't get me wrong, I love Scootaloo, but I honestly feel like that would have made an awesome ending had it been explained well. Anyway, I still am enjoying the fic so far, but the fact that RD's comment seems to all of a sudden become a positive motivation seems kinda like a cop-out.
ReplyDeleteAlso, props to Corejo for pumping out these chapters so quickly. They don't skimp, and they don't take forever for updates. Well done good sir, well done.
@Corejo
ReplyDeleteMan, you just don't know when to stop, do you? Chapter 8 was a perfect ending! You ended with a finality! All the best fics do that. It was pretty heart-rending, but it was at least a closed-ended outcome. Instead you want to drag it out for at least two more chapters. And you didn't even add any real consequence to Scoot's decision. That's the way it should work! Decision-consequence.
She wakes up perfectly fine, and she's even glad she didn't die? That's a little fast. (But thanks for not putting anyone in the hospital, that is so overused.) Also, I think you need to work on your distinction between internal/external conflicts. Every time she changes or does something, it happens right after somepony talks to her! She doesn't feel like an independent character, not when that occurs.
Nevertheless, since you've already committed to extending the story, please take my comments into account. Other than that, you're doing pretty well. I just care a lot about this one because you have obviously put way more effort than most other authors, at least in the plot and detailing. Thanks!
@Corejo
ReplyDeleteOh, and please, NO SHIPPING! It would just spoil it. And be extremely creepy/twisted. Instead I hope you end with Scoot getting her cutie mark.
:/
ReplyDeleteSeems to be a lot of polarized opinions on ch9.
Meh, chapter 9 kind of killed the fix. All that build up and it gets resolved in what feels like a very half hearted attempt from the author.
ReplyDeleteThe reason for what Dash said was weak and it feels like nothing has been accomplished from this. Scootaloo is exactly the same as she was before the"betrayel" she never thought she was the best yet so what was the point of telling her something she already knew?
If this had been a much shorter story then this would have worked better but even then... It feels like an abortion of an idea, like the author had something else in mind but saw that it didn't go with canon or that it was too difficult and just gave up unfavorable of this.
Where is the parts where the crusaders and Scootaloo's dad help her deal with this? They aren't there.
This was a major disappointment.
Let me start by saying that I love this story. Your concept is original, your backstory is intriguing, and you do an excellent job conveying emotion. I see a lot of comments debating Rainbow Dash's actions, so here's my two bits. Rainbow has always had trouble embodying her element, more so than any of the other mane cast members, because Loyalty conflicts with an integral part of her personality, a need to be recognized and liked for her skill. Her actions towards Scoots made perfect sense to me as an extension of this conflict.
ReplyDeleteHowever, there is one thing about this story that makes it difficult for me to read. The characters are far too eloquent, especially Scootaloo. You hand-waved Tyco's style of speaking early on, but the eloquence bug has spread to almost every character's dialogue. The dialogue comes across as far too florid and emotionally revealing, and it really damages the believability of the characters. Look at how Scoots talks on the show- she's brash, snarky, and a child. Your Scootaloo matches her in characterization, but not in voice. This over-eloquence in your characters is probably the story's most glaring challenge, but it's one you can work on.
Please don't be offended. I love this story to death, and I cannot wait for more. I'm just trying to offer advice to make it even better.
-RinellaWasHere
@all the people with widely differing opinions on ch9's direction:
ReplyDeleteWhen I began this fic, I had definite events and ideals set in stone, specifically ch1-6, and ch9-end, wherein ch9 became a diverging point between where I felt the story could go. It seems many of you felt let down by the version of ch9 that I chose to go with, and I can't really say much to that except that I guess I may have chosen the wrong variation I had on the story from this point. Sorry?
@Rinella:
Scootaloo speaking too eloquently? She hardly talks at all.
@Corejo
ReplyDeleteSorry, my wording was off. I wrote that in the five minutes before a class. The eloquence problem is present in most character's dialogue, as well as in Scootaloo's thoughts. It just doesn't fit her character well. Now, maybe that's just how she thinks, but it's still off-putting and a little out-of-character for her. I'm having trouble wording it now- when my classes are done I'll leave a much more coherent comment.
Re: eloquence of speech: I'm pretending she matured a bit.
ReplyDelete@Rinella:
ReplyDeleteAh, well, that's still a little off from what I intended. The story is from her perspective, not necessarily her specific thoughts. My intention of the narrative is to be viewed from her standpoint, but not as her. We get snippets of other's thoughts here and there as well; we're 'omnipotent partially-limited' I guess is how I'd best describe it. I don't know if there's a proper term for that.
@Corejo
ReplyDeleteIt's not a wrong way to take the story at all. You should write the story for yourself first, and your audience second. If this is the way you want things to go, then go for it. It's not our decision to decide what you write. If you would honestly enjoy writing and reading the story one way over another, than choose the one that will make you happy.
Yeah, I'm kinda terrible at saying that, but noone else was saying it so I had to.
Or you could write it both ways, if you feel like doing over double the work. Raiders of the Cutie Mark had two endings, and both were equally well written and awesome. It's probably a special case since one ending played off another to make it feel more, uh, good. Just putting that out there because (I'm crazy!) it's always good to keep open minded about your options and stuff, even if some of this could be a terrible idea.
The problem isn't the direction you've taken but how you took it. The conflict needed to be drawn out and had more believable means of happening. I love happy endings I just don't think this one was pulled off well. When you build up one event in your story and then the event comes and goes and things are still pretty much the same as before the event happened... it's going to feel like you were cheated.
ReplyDeleteSomething that would make this chapter a million times better is if it was RD that found and talked with Scootaloo, push the bond you've created over the story. Show Dash angry with herself for what she almost caused Scoots to do and angry with Scoots herself for even considering that option. We need the two to interact with each other and give this event the gravity it deserves. You can't have something this important be done with a side character with little screen time and also have almost brushed off by all involved.
I've been mulling over the difference between my two versions of the way ch 9 could have gone since last night and I've considered swapping them. It may sound like I'm giving in to peer pressure by doing so, but the truth is I like the direction both versions go equally, and, after comparing the differences between the two, the unused version feels like it stays more true to description and the overall ideal I was going for in the first place.
ReplyDeleteI'll keep hashing it out and make a final decision within a day or two.
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@BlackAeronaut
ReplyDeleteYou'll see when I unlock it later.
@Corejo
ReplyDeleteSorry about that. Didn't notice that all the comments weren't shown. Hate making n00b mistakes like that.
I hope you keep the other version of chapter 9 on google docs so people can still (re-)read it.
ReplyDeleteYes, I disliked the behavior of Scootaloo, she seemed to me like an empty container that absorbs everything it can unable to mature and reflect at her own and Pyra (? - sorry I might have forgotten her name) did not fit well in my opinion.
Nevertheless you did an excellent writing job as always, it impressed me so much that I even copied the second half of Chapter 9 so I can reread that wonderful part whenever I want.
@Rainbow Dash
ReplyDeleteLol. Yea, I haven't deleted it, its just on backlog since I didn't have the heart to destroy it after the work I put into it.
So I just opened my gmail to submit chapter 10 only to be flooded by an enormous amount of "Request to share Transcendence 9." I'll be unlocking this momentarily. Thank you all for your patience and persistent interest in this fic.
ReplyDeleteCorejo, every comment you post here, sweet though they are, that doesn't include the next chapter drives us another step closer to madness. Our favorite chicken awaits your words.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the first version of Chapter 9, as well as the second.
ReplyDeleteThe thing that I really wish you had kept in chapter 9 is Scoot realizing how hurt Rainbow Dash was over how she treated Scootaloo. She doesn't really know that know, and I hope you don't gloss over it or keep it out of any future stories, because I think it's really important to this wonderful story.
Keep up the good work!
@Salzvatik12
ReplyDelete*Know that now
it was a good decision to rewrite chapter 9
ReplyDeleteIt definitely was, too many stories fall apart because of a too-convenient explanation of what separates them from other fanfics, this is a more reasonable followup.
ReplyDeleteStill, as others have said, there should be a slight, if not bittersweet insight into RDs actions simply to bring closure on that aspect.
Yesyesyesyesyesyes! "2" new chapters to enjoy! Still, I insist on you reuploading the other version of chapter 9 because it is incredibly well written (especially the completely different ending with the temporary leitmotif Eleven months).
ReplyDeleteI definitely prefer this alternative version of chapter 9. It is shorter and ends not as beautiful as the former version. Nevertheless do I consider it to be more realistic and Scootaloo does not end up at the same spot where she began (as far as I remember, the former version's last words were For Rainbow Dash. - utterly destroying every psychological progress even though she almost commited suicide successfully). In this version she comes closer to her father (progress yay!) and their inevitable confrontation is already solved. Finally, she does not fly anymore for Rainbow Dash's sake but simply due to her newly originated excitement (chapter 10).
I have nothing to write about chapter 10 but that I enjoyed it a lot. It reminded me of the very first chapters that created my addiction to Transcendence but carrys on chapter 9's best content.
It seems the little upset regarding chapter 9 terminated with a happy end. Please continue and don't hesitate to take all the time you need for chapters longer than 6 pages. =D I love how everything turned out and can't wait for the next chapters although you forgot your common painful cliffhangers!
I enjoyed the first chapter 9, but the second one was waaaay more satisfying. Good call.
ReplyDelete/bump for justice (yes i know that's not how it works lol)
ReplyDeleteI like the rewrite of Chapter 9 -much- better. Though I may be prejudiced since I think Tyco is awesome.
ReplyDeleteWell done, Corejo! You just gave this story 20% more versimilitude, even if the ending has nothing to do with Rainbow Dash. Stuck to the description better too. I really hope you give us an epilogue or something showing what Scoot's cutie mark will be now, because if this is the last chapter I don't think I can handle it not knowing if she has finally grown up or not!
ReplyDeleteI do enjoy this new chapter 9 much, much more, and chapter 10 was amazing also!
ReplyDeleteI seriously was disappointed with Scootaloo's first "realization" in old chapter 9. She was stating that she intended to live her life out for someone else, which is TOTALLY OFF the actual point of life! You need to live it for yourself, not in order to impress others. Children are not meant to grow into the image of their parents, but to become individuals in and of themselves. As such, these new chapter's are much, much more satisfying.
I love your writing style, and even if this is near the end of this fic, I will most certainly read whatever else you write!
@everyone regarding the new rewrite:
ReplyDeleteWe still have a while to go, don't fret!
I have to say, I throughly enjoyed the alternative chapter 9. Tyco going out to look for Scootalo was much more realistic and I love that Scootalo is flying for herself, not to please or get the approval of Rainbow Dash. I am sure she will meet back up with the new Wonderbolt one day and get an explanation for her attitude and words, but for now, I think Scoots should just live for herself and grow closer with her dad and best friends and one day, she'll get her cutie mark!!
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I generally hate OC ponies. Not in the NPC sort, but the main/supporting character way. They always end up as Mary Sues.
ReplyDeleteTyco has many of the elements of a Mary Sue, and yet... I absolutely adore him. He fits so well with Scootaloo due to your writing that this is pretty much headcanon for me.
Keep it up Corejo, I have a newfound appreciation for our little chicken and now a second likable OC after Nyx.
I've been really enjoying this; It's brought back good feelings I haven't gotten from a fanfic since Past Sins.
ReplyDeleteIf I've ever learned something about fanfics, its that you never, ever bash a [Sad] tag. These are the deepest stories you find.
@Corejo, keep up the good work! I know some people have criticized your wordiness - and I personally felt it was a little overdone at times - but I urge you to err on the side having too much. Your descriptions are vivid, fluid, and engaging. Their length rarely detracts from the story - and those few passages that do are eclipsed in full by those that do not.
I eagerly await Ch. 11!
Corejo - thank you.
ReplyDeleteNeeds more sad. I don't think the issue with Rainbow Dash's actions were resolved yet, and I want more sad in this sadfic.
ReplyDeletei finishd finally
ReplyDeletenow its 223 and im hungry
did u just update right now seth!?
ReplyDelete...one mor to go...
ReplyDelete@Corejo
ReplyDeleteCould we get a link to the old Chapter 9? I never got to see it and I'm curious to see what the whole change is about.
Thanks.
Hmmm... 11 seemed to drag on a bit. I know it's needed, and it fits but after part 10... It's just such a whiplash in terms of tempo.
ReplyDeleteAlso near the end, I seemed to miss a certain line that made it very confusing. I went back and caught it though. It didn't stick out, and it seemed to be missing a verb, even though it was implied.
Hm.....If Chapter 12 is heading where I think it's heading, it might have been better to combine 11 and 12. 11 only shows 1 event that could easily be depicted in 12. Not trying to tell you how to write your story, it's fantastic! It's just if 12 is heading where I think it is....
ReplyDeleteComments are for conjecture and opinions. Do tell what's on your mind, Salz.
ReplyDeleteWow, end it. Right there. That's all that needs to be said.
ReplyDelete@jay:
ReplyDeleteHuh?
i know i need to wait but i want the end of this fanfic right now! its just so well done :( but thats why i get overjoyed when i see it update, just keep writing! also jay, your insane.
ReplyDeleteI'm overjoyed every time I see the incomplete tag.
ReplyDeleteAnd now I have the feeling that I have to write more than one sentence for this to be a legit comment. Well, here you go.
11>old9. Better reason. Also very short and sweet.
ReplyDeleteOh, yea. Sorry the chapters have been getting short, but I feel like chapters should be sectioned off by significant events rather than word count. Everything in one chapter should draw toward one ideal, then the next chapter leads to another based off the one before, and I'm glad you like the changes over the last few chapters compared to the old 9, makes me glad I swapped them.
ReplyDeleteThis story has at least 3-5 more chapters depending on how I want to section things. We're building to the finish right now.
@Corejo. The end of ch. 11. It's a perfect ending. A lesson learned. No more is needed. It was an incredible read, going into difficult places. And the end of chapter 11 would be a great ending place.
ReplyDeleteit could be...but I have a better one.
ReplyDeleteThere is still one issue that needs to be resolved. Since you took the old ch9 out, the issue of Rainbow Dash's harsh words are not back to being a mystery again.
ReplyDeletenow*
ReplyDeleteDon't think I've forgotten that. :)
ReplyDeleteI am acutely aware of this.
Some people like quantity over length when it comes to stories. =D Having a ton of short chapters makes it extremely easy for people to find stopping places, so they can jump back in later without having to SEARCH for where they were in the middle of a chapter.
ReplyDeleteI really like this fic... I hope one more very significant event happens, otherwise it will feel like half the story is the epilogue.
Be sure to write an ending that isn't HORRIBLY open, okay? ;~; After My Little Dashie I need a story that has closure.
ReplyDelete....NEED...CLOSURE.....
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ReplyDeleteWow I finished the story today and at first I was wondering where the whole sad comes in, but man once I hit with RD at the races talking to scoot like that I went to mush scoot was so sad =(
ReplyDeleteGood story, wish we'd see more of scoot in the main show
2 thumbs up =D
This is such a great story. RBD is my favorite pony and shivers went up my spine when she said that to scootaloo. I really cannot wait for the ending. I'm praying to god that rainbow dash didn't mean it. I have a lot of things to say about this story(huge majority good) but I'm a little tired, so I'll preserve my praise until it's done
ReplyDeletemy god. just got to the sad bit. Sweet baby Jesus of mercury, why? *cries themselves to sleep*
ReplyDeleteThis is great, and I really like how you portrayed the connection between Scootaloo and her father. Overall amazing fix, and I'll be closely watching this for new chapters.
ReplyDeleteOn a side note, I would also request an ending that is less on the open side. You see, I have no imagination, so it helps when the story wraps itself up, rather than making me do it ^^"
Honestly, I was a bit confused throughout chapter 11. I felt like there was some significance to the chapter, but I just couldn't see what it was, other than her flying again. Was it really just that, or is there some deeper part that I'm not hitting?
ReplyDelete@Unknown
ReplyDeleteI think the significance is that she was able to do it without Rainbow Dash, signifying that she is no longer dependent on RD to motivate her flying.
tl;dr She's able to do things on her own now.
^ This
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWow awesome story. Can't wait for more.
ReplyDeleteThe whole sad part really surprised me. I didn't expect that from RD.
I wanna find out why she said that though its been driving me insane.
At parts when you used really technical words like when you were referring to scoots sore muscles were kinda odd. Just sayin.
Keep up the great work :D
are there any more updates? :(
ReplyDeleteOne of the best scoots stories out there, cant wait for more.
ReplyDeleteAlso I disagree about the end of chapter 11 being a good ending point, I really think she needs closure with RD
ReplyDeleteI sat down and read this in 1 sitting just before going to bed last night. That was a mistake. The sort of 'shell shock' I had from the betrayal and sinfully suspenseful suicide scene had me up all night. This is one of the best things I've read that isn't in the form of a novel. You have the skills to make a living as a writer. This story greatly deserves the star-6 tag it was given.
ReplyDeleteNow, just hurry up and finish it already!
^ you forgot please
ReplyDeleteWas ch.11 the final chapter?
ReplyDeleteJust curious because honestly I thought this was one of the best fics I've read so far. :D
@Nickvicious
ReplyDeleteNo. There's still much to be told, tears to be shed, and cheers to be had.
That's great news!
ReplyDeleteThis is the first fanfic that has managed to keep my insatiable desire for new chapters constant for such a long time. I think I could read more than 50 chapters without being bored at all ... and it saddens me already that this will never be the case. =(
"More tears to be shed"
ReplyDeleteI hope they're the happy kind D:
After RBD's cold shoulder incident I don't know if I can handle any more.
Love the story, keep up the good work!
@lolcats11 I actually think that it should go either way. What RD did in the story actually made me think it was very interesting because I think something surprising is always going to happen next.
ReplyDeleteSuch as (Possible spoiler alert?) Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo meeting each other again after what Rainbow Dash said to Scootaloo.
Hey Corejo, when can we expect part 12? Any rough estimates?
ReplyDeleteHhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggggggggg!!!
ReplyDeleteThis story! It makes my heart explode twice!
Warning, this may contain spoilers!
When I first saw this on EQD I was a bit skeptical upon reading it. I knew it would be sad and involve RD and Scoot so I just knew it would break my heart just like so many before this have.
But two days ago I just figured "what the heck" and started reading. It started off in a way that took a bit of time to get familiar with. Questions like "how young is Scootaloo by now?" popped up and honestly I still wonder now at the end of chapter 11 (I simply cannot imagine her being the same size as she is in the cartoon. To me she must be at least a bit older thus bigger).
The relationship she builds up with Dash is what I love the most in this. Which also made... That moment so much more heartbreaking. But reflecting upon how Dash used to act... It doesn't seem like she was behind those words. Or that she didn't want to say them. And in hindsight... I think she said it for Scootaloo's best.
I think that now that she is a wonderbolt she cannot be with Scootaloo that much. And having herself as a motherly figure to Scootaloo would be very hard to maintain over such periods of time. Often she'd have to disappoint Scoot for not coming, or for being exhausted when they finally got time together. Plus, maybe Dash isn't much of a mother. Maybe it would be too much responsibility for her knowing that a young filly is depending on her. Maybe the best would be for her to just get out of Scootaloo's life. So that Scoot could live her own. It's all very depressing to me still and maybe I'm just looking too much into it. Maybe I'm just trying to protect Dash since she's my favorite. But I still can't wait for chapter 12. I just want to hear RD's side of the story... It's tearing me apart from the inside.
@Salzvatik:
ReplyDeleteChapter 12 is an extremely important chapter to this story. For the sake of being polite for this person's generosity, I will say no more than someone who is extremely qualified to do so is proofreading it for me. I just got an email from them yesterday saying they're reading the whole story instead of just ch 12, so give it a few days while we all patiently await their judgment.
P.S.: If it makes you feel better, ch 13 is done and 14 is halfway there. :D
@Corejo - thanks for the update. Quality has more long-lasting goodness than speed ever will. Still, we look forward to seeing the fruits.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for writing this story. Like many other people have commented, you've ratcheted up my love for Scootaloo, and when you broke me right back down with the RBD betrayal, manly tears were shed. Can't wait to read the rest of it once it's posted. Reserving ratings for when it's done, but by the calibre displayed so far, I'm confident it'll earn at least a five.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I agree with a few of the posters above me. The wordiness is not a detriment to the series at all, and I don't find that it inhibits my pleasure in reading it. Keep up the awesome work!
While waiting for chapter 12's review, I took the time to return to the previous chapters and fix up grammar errors, tense agreement, trim out excess words and phrases, and modify some of the dialogue. If you're bored or just need something to tide you over until chapter 12, you now have the option of rereading.
ReplyDeleteOn a side note: how the hell did chapter 1 even make it past the pre-readers? I found about 20+ mistakes in there O.o
i patiently await for chapter 12... if there is one
ReplyDeleteI'm bursting with anticipation. You've had me hooked for a long time, Corejo.
ReplyDeleteJust a quick question to Corejo, seeing that chapter 13 is finished and 14 is half way done (probably very close to finished now), will you be releasing chapters 12 and 13 at the same time? or will you release chapter 12 and leave 13 for a few days or whatever for suspense?
ReplyDeleteAs with other people here, I am really looking forward to the next chapters in this epic saga. Thank you for creating it!
Also Corejo, any new updates on Chapter 12's release? :P
ReplyDeleteWell... "May the Best Pet Win" certainly lends credence to the argument that what Dash did in Chapter 8 was very in character.
ReplyDeleteLoving the story so far. It's very well written (something that tends to be rare in fanfiction, from my experiences). Excellent level of detail, not only with describing the events, but making the characters feel real and giving them a full personality. Can't wait for the next chapter to drop. Just kinda makes me sad that Rainbow Dash turned into a complete bitch.
ReplyDeleteExcellent, just excellent.
ReplyDeleteI've spent close to three hours of my day reading this story, and all I can say is that it's really good.
When I opened up chapter one and noticed something like two pages of imagery, I was a tad bit put off, but I eventually really got into the story.
Can't wait for 12.
I'm frothing from the mouth waiting for the next installment!!!
ReplyDeleteThe wait is really starting to kill me now. :(
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteIs this story updated anymore?
ReplyDelete@D1SEL I assume so. Based on the previous comments I've seen by the author, I think the remaining chapters will all be added at once.
ReplyDeleteCorejo -> Are you OK? Anything we can help you with?
ReplyDeleteMaybe hes just going to finish it all in one big update?
ReplyDeleteor hes just got busy irl or something.
Awwww I really hope everything is okay with Corejo, he used to update this terrific masterpiece regularly! Of course I accept the waiting, take as much time as you want.
ReplyDeleteHowever, PLEASE finally reupload the old version of Chapter 9! Yes, the content might was disliked by many, nevertheless the writing was superb! It's already worth rereading it only because of that aspect. I adore especially it's ending with the "Eleven months". PLEASE! I will continue begging for it regularly every month untill you do so. =P
For now, I'm happy with begging for more Transcendence. :P
ReplyDeleteI second that, more Transcendence please!
ReplyDeleteCassius and Filler are on board as reviewers now, so expect much better writing starting with chapter 12.
ReplyDeleteIn light of their first few hundred comments, I've taken it upon myself to review everything up through chapter 11, and I find myself utterly ashamed at the garbage I've been writing up until now.
Chapters 1-11 are now undergoing construction, and I will make sure this pathetic thing we call a story is straightened out and worthy of public view.
Corejo, your writing is awesome! What in the world are you talking about?
ReplyDeleteYESSSNOOOOYESSSNOOOOYESSSNOOOO!
ReplyDeleteNooooo! Corejo now is insane, did not upload the old version of Chapter 9 and we have to wait more!
Yesyesyesyes Corejo tries to exceed perfection! Can't wait for the result. Will Transcendence be the first star-7 story?
Once again, thank you a lot Corejo for writing such a good fanfic and allowing us to read it!
*archives "old" chapters 1-11 before Corejo hides those masterpieces from us* =P
rewriting the old chapters? your insane.... JUST INSANE! there already epic, please don't change anything :(
ReplyDelete"Review" doesn't mean "rewrite," calm down.
ReplyDeleteWell, that settles some issues. But do you have any news on the release of Chapter 12?
ReplyDeleteI'll get back to revising that after I finish fixing the preceding chapters. Now that I'm on winter break, I'll be able to devote pretty much 100% of my time that isn't spent at my job to writing. Give it a week and we'll see where we are.
ReplyDeleteyay.
ReplyDeleteIf you didn't write this work, I would slap you for insulting it.
ReplyDelete@Salzvatik12
ReplyDeleteaccording to cereal, a good writer must be in two mindsets at once.
1) the piece i am writing is the most glorious piece ever written
2)the piece i am writing is worthless drivel
also, this story is a close second in my list of favorite fan fics. beaten only by lafter.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis fanfic is so good, I was looking so hard to find something good with RD and Scootaloo and Transcendence is so perfect, it's not even funny! I really need to read more chapters of this, please D:
ReplyDeleteIt's been almost 2 months since Transcendence updated.
ReplyDeleteThat makes me sad. :(
Omg... I need more chapters or I'm not gonna be responsable for my actions anymore D:
ReplyDeleteInb4 chapter 12: Happy Hearth's Warming Eve!
ReplyDeleteBUCK YES! UPDATE!
ReplyDeleteBUCK YES! YOU GO SCOOTALOO!
BUCK YES! ONLY 11 MONTHS TIL YOU TEAR RD A NEW PLOTHOLE!
WOOHOO!
Sorry I r excited.
Introductions are in order: I, along with my co-editor Filler, will now be operating as the new editors for this fiction. I hope you all enjoy the story as we enjoy working on it. We seek to help all writers in the fandom improve tenfold through advice and tips to up their game. We've put a lot of work into improving Corejo's prose and style. I hope it shows in this most recent chapter.
ReplyDeleteBah, I was hoping Rainbow Dash wouldn't be like she was in this chapter. I just can't help but think I'm missing something. Where's RD's loyalty? Is she loyal to being stupid or something?!
ReplyDeleteBut, it's not my story, so I can't really say anything.
Still, twas a very well written chapter indeed. I can see why it took so long to release.
I really hope I don't have to wait another two months for 13.
ReplyDeleteThis story is so good, and chapter 12 was worth the wait (that didn't mean I liked doing it).
Personally, RD is messed. You could pass it all off and say she is trying to create that essential internal fire in Scoot, but something has to be burned for that fire to start, and that something is RD and Scoot's relationship.
Rainbow doesn't get to reclaim that.
Oh thanks! Waiting for 13 now!
ReplyDeleteThis better not be some kind of game by rainbow dash to get scoot to beat her or something and then shes all like cool fucking potatoes at the end (Rainbow Y U NO LOYAL?).
ReplyDeleteAnyway Great story as always and i can't wait until the next one the way this story is going has me very excited for more.
Woke up on Christmas to see this. Perfect Christmas.
ReplyDeleteI'm still upset with how RD is acting, I just wish I could get an answer as to why she's being such a jerk to Scoots. It breaks my heart every time she does something some cruel to a pony that doesn't deserve it.
On a side note, glad to have you back Corejo! Your writing is as wonderful as ever, and the story still captivates me and demands my attention. Excellent job! I have to say, Tyco is one of, if not my FAVORITE OC pony.
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ReplyDeleteGah! just remembered too... since Scoot banner won... and now we have transcendence up date O_o
ReplyDeleteBest Christmas morning!
Best xmas present ever!
ReplyDeleteI'm excited! moar!
ReplyDeleteWell I hope you don't leave us hanging at chapter 12. Not much of a Christmas present without an ending! That was pretty short, too. But now I am patiently waiting eleven months in my mind.
ReplyDeleteI think I can see what RD is going for with this, but I don't see this as ending well for their relationship in the long run.
ReplyDeleteI hope this doesnt end with Scoot and Dash being fine with each other once Scootaloo wins in 11 months, it would just feel too unrealistic. I'd rather see some sort of confrontation between the two, that would feel more in-character for Scootaloo and Dash.
That being said, I still don't like Dash's method,assuming she's trying to help Scootaloo, as I doubt abandoning your trainee has a good track record of making them get better.
@EonMaster
ReplyDeleteCorejo did tell in a comment that there's still a lot of story to be told. So I think it's not gonna end like that, cuz if that happens, it's gonna be too early I think... I hope that she wins! And that he keep the storyline with Scootaloo being someone good as RD or better, they both as Wonderbolts or something...
RD, may you rot in the depths for the pain you have caused Scootaloo.
ReplyDelete^That
ReplyDeleteI'm looking forward to the next chapters.
ReplyDeleteMy faith in Corejo has been restored!
@EonMaster
ReplyDeleteI mentioned before about this, but the latest chapter brings it back up.
I cannot see this going well at all for RD's relationship with the rest of the girls.
One doesn't repeatedly emotionally beatdown a child/teenager like that, yet still have kind and wonderful friends still look at you the same. Specially not that AJ's and Rarity's sisters are best friends with her.
And now with that very public display?
@shadefox I agree - I want to see what the other mane 5 have to say/think about RD being a complete and utter bitch...
ReplyDeleteI'm not good at analysis at all, but I will honestly say that this is so much better than it was before.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how you're going to get away with Dash' character change, (anti-development?) but I not only have confidence in your ability to write her believably, but this is Scootaloo's story and as long as you keep writing her brilliantly than I'm happy.
@EonMaster
ReplyDeleteIt would be even better if Scoots went the Pinkamania-psycho route and tied up Rainbow Dash in her basement:
Scootapsycho: Soooo, Miss Dash, you think you're a better flier than me? Let's see how well you fly... WITHOUT YOUR WINGS!!!
*Scootaloo cuts one of Rainbow Dash's wings off!*
Rainbow Dash: WAHHHH!! Scoots! You gotta resist the dark side! Think of the good times!
Scoot: What good times?
RD: Well, like that time I told you you totally sucked, and that you were a nopony, and that your mom was a worthless whore, and I slept with your father, and you got so sad you totally almost killed yourself?
Scoots: ...
*Scootaloo cuts Dash's other wing off!*
>:D
why rainbowdash!? WHY!?
ReplyDelete