[Human In Equestria] [Comedy][Adventure]
Author: CardsLafter
Description:All Links after the break!
"So yeah, I'm a human. And now I'm a pony. No, that's not a joke, though I would laugh if it were. All I did was party at my place and pass out, only to wake up in Ponyville. Now you must be thinking I had one too many, and I'm right there with you. But no drunken hallucination lasts this long and whatever the case, The Nightmare seems to have a problem with me. A big one.So now, armed with my cigarettes and some cool unicorn magic, I have to fight off The Nightmare, my own Fanbronyism, and try to find the time to let the ponies give me a name. I know, I suggested getting a pony name first, but they're pretty excited about that. Not sure why. All of the ponies in this town are crazy."
Through The Eyes of Another Pony Part 1
Through The Eyes of Another Pony Part 2
Through The Eyes of Another Pony Part 3
Through The Eyes of Another Pony Part 4
Through The Eyes of Another Pony Part 5
Through The Eyes of Another Pony Part 6
Through The Eyes of Another Pony Part 7
Through The Eyes of Another Pony Part 8
Through The Eyes of Another Pony Part 9
Through The Eyes of Another Pony Part 10
Through The Eyes of Another Pony Part 11
Through The Eyes of Another Pony Part 12
Through The Eyes of Another Pony Part 13
Through The Eyes of Another Pony Part 14
REVISED EDITION:
Through the Eyes of Another Pony Part 1
Through the Eyes of Another Pony Part 2
Through the Eyes of Another Pony Part 3
Through the Eyes of Another Pony Part 4
Through the Eyes of Another Pony Part 5 Part 1 (New!)
Through the Eyes of Another Pony Part 5 Part 2 (New!)
Through the Eyes of Another Pony Part 6 (New!)
Additional Tags: Humans Are Not Monsters, Okay? Emotional Roller Coaster
4,596 comments:
I totally waved at Pinkie :3
ReplyDeleteXD
I was cheering when I saw this story had updated xD I absolutely love it xD
But now I want more :3
That's always the drawback of reading a good story; I want moar. xD
Yeah, I waved to Pinkie Pie too. I'm proud of it!
ReplyDeleteWaving, trying to break the fourth wall... failing T_T.
ReplyDeleteFurther, a great chapter! Loved it!
Okay, I'll admit it. I totally waved. Also, Laffy? You may be one of my oldest and dearest Internet bros. I still remember the times on the Bob and George forums and ADG and #CastleStein/#CastleDungeon with warm and fond memories. You even have my phone number for Celestia's sake. But I swear on everything that is pony, you bring that tarantula back, and I will reach through this screen and slap you girly. *arachnaphobic Siggy is still horribly arachniphobic* Screw Author Lafteroth! >:( ~~~ j/k love ya homie ;P
ReplyDelete@Lafter QUICK, TAKE MY WRITING SPLEEN; YOU NEED IT MORE THAN I DO!
ReplyDeleteI waved and I am proud!
ReplyDeleteI waved and it was great.
ReplyDeleteAlso I too HATE SPIDERS! KILL THEM! KILL THEM ALL! WITH FIRE!!!!
Pure concentrated awesome. Whoo! A sugar rush of words! And now...ITS FAN ART TIME!
ReplyDeleteI waved and had NO REGRETS. Also, if a six-inch tarantula scared you, I highly suggest you stay away from Total Miner: Forge. The spiders are bigger than you are and HISS LIKE THE HELLSPAWN SPIDERS TRULY ARE!!!!
ReplyDeleteHI PINKIE! *Waves*
ReplyDeleteQuick! Break the 4th Wall while the Author isn't looking!
I am not ashamed to say I waved at Pinkie. In some ways, I might be more insane than her.
ReplyDeleteI waved too. Take me with youuuu pinkie.
ReplyDeletei waved to Pinkie also,
ReplyDeleteAlso i loved the bromance at the end X3
would you be mad if i shipped Firewall and Storm wing? Firestorm? Stormwall? XD
I waved at Pinkie Pie as well. I just didn't realize that doing so would obligate me to post about it in the comments!
ReplyDeleteYeah, I waved at Pinkie.
ReplyDeleteI waved, I had to... Just in case.
ReplyDeleteI initially rated this fic 4 stars but seeing how it's progressing it's getting more and more deserving of a 5 star rating. In the beginning it was all written rather rough but chapter after chapter it got more and more smooth. So I compliment you on a job well done lafter!
ReplyDeleteAnd I totally waved at Pinkie. Honestly who wouldn't? xD
I managed to refrain from waving.
ReplyDeleteI totally cracked up at the FlutterPie scene, though.
I waved. I don't know if I should be ashamed or proud. Probably both.
ReplyDeleteWell of course I waved.
ReplyDeleteI think you do your best work when there's no big threats or action scenes. Reading, say, Firewall fleeing from Nightmare Sol didn't suck me in nearly as hard as the extended scene with the Princesses and the Mane 6 just enjoying themselves in this chapter.
That's not to say you're bad at writing drama or action scenes- you aren't by any stretch. You just seem to be much better at other things.
Still anticipating Luna/Celestia getting asked about the Princess vs Queen thing. I can just see Rarity or Twilight launching into a retelling of a long legend about it, then one of the Royals interjects with an "Ah, actually..."
holy crap that's a lot of comments!
ReplyDeleteI waved for a bit, and laughed for the rest of that campfire scene, especially with the kissy-kissy pony-pony part. HILARIOUSNESS! Anyways, another great chapter. One thing I really enjoyed about this one was how seamlessly you mixed the characters' existing personalities with your own Uncle Lafter's Old Style Awesome Sauce. Granted, it could have been a bit more natural, but there's always room for improvement, and by God, I'll be damned if you haven't improved since chapter one.
ReplyDeleteThis was far better than chapter 11. I have a feeling I know where the story is going, and I expect great things from you in the future!
Uh... No pressure or anything...
P.S.: If you still need organs, I have a spare liver sorta just laying around.
Thanks for linking my YouTube video on Firewall being in a video game.
ReplyDeleteFeels good to be linked to this fanfiction in some capacity, however menial.
Full of crap, I AM NOT! >:-)
I waved and I'm damn proud of it too.
ReplyDeleteAnd I might just find some time soon to make some fanart of this. It definitively deserves it.
Waving at Pinkie Pie for the win!
ReplyDeleteI'm a 23 three male living in Nice, France, and I waved to Pinkie Pie.
ReplyDeleteOn another note I agree with Imrix, those sort of scene have always more impact on me, and I would love to see some more things like that in future chapter.
I admit, I waved to Pinkie..
ReplyDeleteKinda felt obligated to. My dad saw me do it too, I regret nothing~!
Favourite chapter! Loved it.
ReplyDeleteAnd i waved at Pinkie! HI PINKIE!!
Holy hell, that's a lot of comments. O.o
ReplyDeleteDon't you people all have homes or jobs or something?! Damn it, Pinkie, look at what you've caused!
Yes, I waved at Pinkie Pie.
ReplyDeleteWhat? She was waving at me! It would be rude not to wave back!
I waved at Pinkie and I'm not afraid to admit it!
ReplyDeleteI nearly cried when Storm was taking the armor off, but everything ended well. Yay for happy chapter. Imo the best so far.
ReplyDeleteAnd don't stop writing, i want moar.
Didn't wave at Pinkie (I'm a closet brony), but I loved the 4th-wall annihilating moments in this part. Also loved Celestia's spittakes - I swear, I laughed out loud at them.
ReplyDeleteBest chapter to date. Keep it up and you can send it to a publisher as a bestseller :) and I'd totally buy 10!
Only those without souls did not wave at Pinkie P... Oh well! *Prepares to get flamed for the Hasty Generalization insultation of the few Bronies that didn't wave* PROTECT ME SPIKE! *Levitates Spike in front of one, hoping that his scales will protect against the flames that are sure to be incoming*
ReplyDelete~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
p.s. Trevor was just making a joke. He doesn't really think that those who didn't wave are soulless.
This story was okay to begin with, but then I realised that Firewall was a revenge-fantasy-nerd-creation. "Annoying loser who pathetically refers to himself as a 'brony' gets transported to a place where he is no longer righteously shunned and rejected, and becomes loveable for absolutely no other reason then he is the main character." You couldn't of made David a normal, respectable person, could you? He had to be a 'brony'. Imagine the shock of everyone when an average, capable human is transported into this world.
ReplyDeleteHmmm... I'm not unloved in real life... :o And you seem to be making some assumptions, but I won't tell you where as that would be spoiling.
ReplyDeleteNow, I understand you're upset. I understand that you're unhappy. I don't understand why, though. See, Firewall is in a loving land. Equestria is a utopia. He's loved because that's what the ponies do. They love and tolerate. Not because he's a Mary Sue.
I'm sorry if you don't like the way the story is going, but that does not make it bad. You're going to have to be content with what I give you, or you can one-star it and move on.
And I never said David was a brony. "You" did, though... ... ... Lol, we call that a clever pun, sir!
LAFTER, YOU AND I NEED TO TALK. ALONE.
ReplyDelete...About how totally AWESOME this chapter was. Yes, I waved, albeit halfheartedly because I really didn't feel like accidentally bringing Pinkie Pie into this world. So much awesome in this chapter, so much laughter... It's good. It's very good. If I really wanted to go in-depth on the story, I'd write a page, so suffice it to say:
Thanks for another awesome chapter. And if you need another liver or five to power you through the story, I know a guy...
This story is awesome. Can't wait for the next update! :D
ReplyDeleteI waved at Pinkie Pie.
ReplyDeleteBuck yeah I waved, it's Pinkie Pie! HI PINKIE!!!
ReplyDelete*waves back frantically*
Awesome story bro, keep on trottin'!
*brohoof*
My new favourite chapter! I can't wait for moar!
ReplyDeleteI waved at Piknie pie, and i regret nothing!
ReplyDeletePinkie*
ReplyDeletedumb typo...
@Lafter Well I skimmed, but I'm pretty sure Firewall reffered to him as a 'brony' at some point. The fic is well written, I'll give you that, and it is an interesting premise for a story. This is the only fanfic that I have kept with (I don't actually read many fics). The reactions to the main character just seem unbalanced to me. I guess it's this whole internet culture that the character's drenched in that I do not find amusing, so the jokes irk me a LOT. But clearly I'm minority, so keep doing what you're doing to be successful. However, I do love the pony reactions to human creations.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I've laughed this hard in my entire life. The spider, the Game of Shame, the camp fire shipping, the Celestial Spit Takes... this chapter is glorious. Absolutely glorious :D
ReplyDeleteI waved at pinkie and cut myself on the remains of the 4th wall.
ReplyDeleteit hurts...
I... Waved at pinkie....
ReplyDeletebtw shouldn't like nearly everypony be suprised at how humans looked? given how celestia and azure flower & co. were the only ones who can remember seeing a human?
ReplyDeleteeitherway i really loved this chapter Lafter, keep it up! :D
(wave) Hi Pinkie Pie ! Hey, do you know who's best pony ?
ReplyDeleteYes, you ... Fluttershy ? Oh. It's OK too, I guess.
I waved at Pinkie Pie.
ReplyDeleteSo much goodness in this chapter. Cards, thou art a wizard.
/me waves at Pinkie Pie
ReplyDeleteExtended comment, YES I waved at Pinkie Pie!
ReplyDeletebut who wouldn't is the real question.
This chapter was a great one, and It wet my apatite for more!
Truly you have gone and made me jealous of you in this story, and makes me wish I was apart of it some how, yet I know you wrote it, but I wish it was true and I was there!
That is a mark of great story telling, and an inspiration to aspiring writers like me.
i waved XD, also that david guy: he wears sweater, jeans and glasses... the only thing he needs is very short hair and he is exactly steve jobs ._.
ReplyDeletewhen i waved at pinkie she grabed my hand and pulled her self through the 4th wall
ReplyDelete... FUCK SHE'S GOT THE "I'M GOING TO MAKE CUPECAKES OUT OF YOU" SMILE
...
...
... anypony want some cupcakes!!!!! :D
LOVED the spider scene! Awesome!
ReplyDeleteImportant to show some weakness in OCs.
Actually in the last chapter my favorite scene also had Pinkie starring. She just takes the cake every time, doesn't she?
Did you get that "Soviet Equestria" thing from my comment on the last chapter, or am I totally pulling a whatever you call that one fan asking Hasbro if they gave Twilight that crazy face because he drew it?
During Dash's realization on Storm Wing and the Wonderbolts, I pictured her in the air, wings suddenly frozen, and plopping to the ground.
Oh, and according to the last bit I have to say that I waved to Pinkie Pie.
I waved at Pinkie Pie.
ReplyDelete1
ReplyDeleteYou just broke the 4th wall in the 12th chapter, like,nine Billion times *pust pinkie to lips*
2
I waved a pinkie
3
It was firggen awesome
Yeah, I waved at Pinkie as well.
ReplyDeleteKind of glad that there weren't any sneak peaks this time around. Mostly because it makes the wait time until the next chapter slightly more bearable.
As for the chapter...wow, what a ride! I was smiling just about the entire time and literally laughing out loud at all of good stuff you put into this chapter. Definitely one of the best chapters so far. Can't wait until you release the next chapter.
Not only did I wave at Pinkie Pie, I also said hi to her. Loudly. In a crowded room. Of non-bronys. Top it, foals.
ReplyDeletePinkie is the real troll here, acting all surprised to find out about the fans=dom...
ReplyDeleteShe's breached the 4th wall so many times, the guys that are meant to fix it went on strike.
I have to say this is literally the best fanfiction and story I have ever read if you haven't already started reading it... READ!
ReplyDeleteI Waved and damn it was good.
ReplyDeleteI love this chapter so much it hurts. Also Firewall and Stormwing managed to be more adorable than Firewall and Luna
I squee'd and waved at Pinkie :D Also, thank you so much for this chapter Lafter! It made me laugh multiple times and I really needed that today :)
ReplyDeleteI waved. Because she can see us.
ReplyDeleteSomeone please draw pretty Prince Storm Wing.
I... did not wave. Apparently, I'm a bad brony.
ReplyDeleteThe chapter was great, but I still prefer 5 & 9 though this is a solid third place.
@Bladelord, someone did. There's a picture of him in the opening images. The one with the "He's so dainty and cute!" caption at its top.
I'll admit.Ii waved at pinkie pie.
ReplyDeleteNot gonna lie. I waved at pinkie pie.
ReplyDeleteDouble post for the win! Though now it's a triple. I wonder if that's considered spam :/
ReplyDeleteI'll add my name to the "Waved-At-Pinkie" List.
ReplyDeleteEverytime I read one of your chapters, I get the urge to keep working on my fic. My first hope is that it gets accepted by EqD. My second hope is that it gets even a quarter of the recognition you get!
Also, be careful with that million dollar thing at the beginning. Someponies might actually do it.
I totally waved.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I think I died laughing during the entire scene where he's telling everypony what the fans think of them. Très brill.
As a matter of fact, the Bugsydor did wave back at Pinkie Pie. How could anypony resist?
ReplyDeleteYes, I waved at Pinkie. Hi, Pinkie!
ReplyDeleteAlso, I have to agree this is the best chapter yet.
I.. You... Gah. I hate you now... I actually did wave back at my bloody screen, curse you! X3
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I actually kept a small mirror nearby however, I've been curious just how red my face gets when I read a new chapter of this because I feel it, but by the time I reach the bathroom mirror, it's almost gone, this time however, I'm surprised I didn't pass out like one Hinata with how red my face got.
I burst out laughing and started to wave, then realized that everyone was watching me. I Would do it a million times over if ever that bridge were finished because of it.
ReplyDelete-Minty
Eh, I take my comment back. This isn't third place material. On subsequent reads this chapter (12) is growing on me more and more. Easily pushing for the spot as my favorite chapter.
ReplyDeleteThe spider, the trolling/counter trolling, the shame game, the campfire (so much concentrated awesome there). I'm still not sure I like the ending of this one but I guess I'll have to wait and see what happens with it.
... Yeah, that should be vague enough to avoid spoilers.
How could you NOT wave to Pinkie Pie?! I wave to her when I watch the show, but when she purposefully waves TO ME?!
ReplyDeleteOhmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! ^_^ I am bucking loving the ever loving buck out of this so much! Thanks for putting so much time and hard work and love into your work. It truly shows. =3 *brushies Laffy's hair*
I didn't wave, though I did imagine Pinkie staring off into the distance at nothing in particular.
ReplyDeleteI got a major "GOD DAMNIT" feeling near the end, once even imagining Storm trying to get at Firewall for costing him his position.
Also loved the coconuts bit about the cushions. Keep up the references (and the good work, of course)!
Boo. Someone already made the "we need to talk alone" joke.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I think you kinda answered your own comment from a while back, Lafter, on why a pre-reader might have disliked this story so much. It does take this story a few chapters to really get up to speed. If I would have rated it back then, when the story was just starting, I would have only given it four stars. I really like the writing style. It just didn't grab me immediately like the other 5 star stories I've read.
However, this story gets it's five stars. It grabbed my attention and has sealed it away only to bring it out and distract me with glittery lights whenever a new chapter comes up. It feels a lot cleaner than when it started and I'm a sucker for the snarky non-reliable narrator. Thanks to you for adding to this amazing community. Keep it up!
And thanks to Pinkie Pie for forcing me to actually get my thoughts in order and post here.
I am not going to lie I did wave to Pinkie Pie... HI PINKIE PIE!!! But yeah if that bridge is ever somehow completed in my life time, please notify me.
ReplyDeleteXBL Gamertag A 100 BRONIES
I kinda waved to Pinkie.
ReplyDeleteStill a roller coaster of emotions, and I'm loving every minute of it. Keep it up.
The little human inside my head (might be a pony by now, I'm not sure) waved at Pinkie. Does that count?
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, this chapter reminded me once again why this is one of my favorite stories. Between *insert entire fic here* and *repeat last step*, I could not stop either laughing or nearly crying. Seriously, I was shaking with laughter during this story.
I was kinda wondering what Celestia would think of Luna's dating habits, but that was answered clearly in this chapter.
It really saddened me to see Storm Wing lose his position, but the I have a very good feeling this will work out in the end, if it hasn't already.
All this to say, keep up the good work. I know that I, along with a whole horde of other bronies, really enjoy following this story.
Grr, blogger, why hath thou no edit mechanism?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I meant "entire chapter" instead of "entire fic" simply because it has not been finished yet.
I waved. Hiding it would be silly since apparently absolutely everyone did. Loved this chapter SO much. I'd say more but eh... Gotta get up for school in a bit over 4 hours. So ya, this was good enough for me to stay up into the a.m. to finish.
ReplyDeleteYes, I waved. After all, it's Pinkie Pie. You just never know
ReplyDeleteThis chapter better have been worth it, I swam through thick and thin to edit it... :D
ReplyDeleteI had to wave at Pinkie Pie
ReplyDeleteShe was being to awesome
BOAT.
ReplyDeleteI’ll offer my critique, especially since I did read all twelve chapters today. This concept sounded new and innovative to me. I have in mind that this story is not meant to be serious, thus I’ll leave the story be. This is mainly to analyze the characters, since from them the story is created, yet here is where I immediately become disconnected:
ReplyDeleteI don’t find this funny.
Before I go branding Firewall a Gary Stu, which I emphatically believe he is, I’ll offer a basis to why I think he is such. TV Tropes gives a nice quote for the term, stating that a Gary Stu character is “not a human so much as he is a Ken Doll, except instead of plastic, he’s molded from untempered wish fulfillment." From the twelve chapters and the unbridled though indirect perfection which surrounds Firewall, he is living the dream of any brony, though in such an unrealistic way that he is a Gary Stu.
My biggest problem with this story is how bland Firewall is. With these kinds of stories, the first person narration should add to the character as a whole. If the narration is sarcastic, then we can assume the narrator is sarcastic by deduction, but that’s all there is to Firewall for twelve chapters: sarcasm. It’s not even endearing sarcasm, as most of it comes off as abrasive and cynical rather than charismatic. By comparison, all I see in Firewall is cynicism, the entire cast bending around this cynicism and all playing along with it rather than being put off by it. Every character eventually finds his sarcasm whimsical or they “just don’t get it”, a perfect starting point for the creation of the Gary Stu.
That is but the first brick of the Gary Stu platform Firewall is based upon: he’s liked by everyone. You defended Firewall’s likability by saying the pony’s all practice love and tolerance. Zecora has shown us though the darker more xenophobic side of the ponies, yet that seems to all be quelled here with Applejack telling them Firewall’s alright, despite the fact that she knows nothing about him. No one does, yet he’s accepted into the folds like he’s lived there forever, and that bothers me and takes me out of the story. He did not have to prove himself at all or even explain himself. Just a quick “he’s all good” and they move on.
Firewall also fits under the terrible cliché of the whimsical, innocent, rebellious rapscallion who thankfully is the only hope for the world. That kind of quirky fellow with a heart of gold who screws up sometimes, but gosh darn it he’s trying! He’s just trying to get back home, along the way attempting to help Luna get out of her shell and saving her from her dark side. The other bad human does not understand that the two species can coexist and only seeks out evil. Firewall is good, the Nightmare and David evil. Everything is so obviously either good or evil, but it’s been proven, as with their xenophobia or their greed, that even a pony can be a complex character with flaws. Sarcastic remarks do not flesh out a character, but everypony seems to spew them out with every bit of banter as opposed to anything developing.
Another piece to his Gary Stu qualities is the fact that nothing bad or permanent ever affects him in a way that would allow his character to evolve. From chapter one to twelve, I’m still reading the same shtick from the same character, and that’s bad. He’s in the fantasy world of his dreams, yet nothing seems to alter or faze him in any lasting way. He befriends Celestia and Luna rather easily, overcomes any obstacle he faces with ease (the jail cell for instance), gets away with everything (assaulting Blue Blood or standing up to Storm Wing), and apparently every character thinks he’s just so gosh darn quirky and funny that they can’t help but like him.
The paragraph structure, especially for the first like nine chapters, I noticed to be extremely formulaic. In every non dialogue paragraph, Firewall makes some sort of fan boy analysis of his current situation, and then ends the paragraph with a sarcastic line. And does it. And does it. And it’s still not funny. It’s not the pattern that worries me the most about the style, but the fact that I even picked up on it. The story just fails to entertain me and in that absence I find myself scrutinizing the boring style and the constant and off putting sarcastic comments constantly tacked to the end of paragraphs.
ReplyDeleteLike any kind of fourth wall jokes or sarcastic quip or any form of comedy in general, it must be done evenly and infrequently, otherwise it gets tiresome. I was tired of the sarcasm well into chapter one, and from there on it just made me dislike Firewall even more.
The only character who I may even glean a sense of three dimensionality is Storm Wing, but even when he finally comes to terms with his age and his parents, it comes off as whining. No one gets me! The world is different! Blah blah blah! This reminds me way too much of Anakin Skywalker of the “Star Wars” prequels, in the bad way of the angsty and brooding wimp, a rather sudden turn for such a stoic character.
One part I found unintentionally hilarious was your direct reference to “The Legend of Zelda” cartoon with the “Excuse me Princess!” line. Not because the line was funny( in fact it felt a bit contrived), but because that line put into context what I was reading in every single solitary exchange of dialogue between Firewall and pretty much any character: nothing but constant banter and bickering. Like the cartoon, the characters are bland and known only by their names. I honestly have a hard time remembering who some of these ponies are because they’ve left such little of an impact throughout the story. Above all, this story seems little more than to allow the reader to ride along with Firewall as he explores this world, yet I cannot relate to him at all.
No excuses, eh? Well, I waved. I also said, "Yes, Pinkie, we know." So there.
ReplyDeleteAnyways. Chapters like this are why I gave this story 5 stars. You struck the perfect balance of humor and heartfelt here (pointless alliteration is go), and it worked like nopony's business. Which is to say, fantastically; the explanation is necessary because I'm not honestly sure that's an actual idiom.
So: well done, Lafter, well done indeed. You played your strengths here, and the craft and care that you put in shone through.
Aside: am I the only one who sometimes sees the relationship between Firewall and Luna as absurdly tragic (emphasis on absurd)? They're the only ones who can really understand one another, and their main method of interaction is, almost by necessity, trolling one another, as if to affirm what they (and they alone) have in common. Alternate explanation: I'm sleepy and reading too much into things. Yawn. Well, g'night tout le monde.
Sure, sure. You lure us in with promises of both a great story and breaking all fanfic writing taboos, then you force us to comment because of what Pinkie Pie did on the other side of the fading 4th wall.
ReplyDelete....Hi there. *waves*
....Yes, we know you're Pinkie Pie.
Yay, I'm commenter #372 who waved at Pinkie Pie. And I sure won't be the last one :P (Of course I aso don't regret it. Why would somepony?)
ReplyDeleteIs there a way to send an email or note or something directly to Lafter? I can't find any.
If you read this: I really want to give you this huge wall of text that's stuck in my head about how much I love your story and how incredible, amazingly awesome it is! :O
ALL OF MY STARS. TAKE THEM.
ReplyDeleteYou seriously outdid yourself on that last chapter (and that's saying something, considering how great the rest of the fic has been so far). The campfire scene was hilarious, while the scene with Celestia and Storm Wing was one the saddest things I've read in ages.
Don't take Sir Ostentatious' review too seriously. The constant sarcasm and bickering is part of what makes this fic. The witty narration is what drew me in back in chapter 1, and it's kept me coming back at every update since. Just keep doing what you're doing.
[email protected]
ReplyDeleteSir Ostentatious, I have mixed feelings! Mixed! Like a delicious Long Island Iced Tea! :o
Now, onto the responses. Some of your points I can understand but identify them as objective, which I can not help. Others I agree and have argued with myself whether or not they are a problem. And a few things I straight-up disagree with.
Now, first things first, points we don't agree on:
I don't know where you got the idea that Firewall is the only hope for the world. :P I've kinda went out of my way to drop the hint that a lot of things are done without him being even slightly involved. In fact, I've kinda been wondering why no one has caught onto the fact that none of the ponies ask him to do much of anything. (It's because they don't take him very seriously...)
Not everypony likes Firewall from the start. (Storm Wing, Winter Sky, Silverheart, and even Princess Celestia became much less enamored with him for a bit) However, most of them react to him with respect and kindness, which is just personal life experience for me.
Next, the humor is not always cynical and snide (I know you didn't use that word) but can oftentimes be goofy, self-deprecating, ironic, or just straight up loony.
One specific point - Applejack's response to the social distrust of Firewall from the start! Yes, I did take the Zecora thing into account. However, it was somewhat because of Zecora that I had Applejack quell that uprising rather than make it a plot point for him to overcome. First: It's been done by Hasbro already, Second: We would have to assume that they learned nothing from ostracizing Zecora.
And finally, Storm Wing. Yes, he was a little whiny in this chapter. He's been an arrogant and stiff jerk the entire time. Then suddenly major events start to mess with him psychologically and he starts lashing out. He's an orphan who went out of his way to avoid friends and social ties before suddenly getting both friends and family dumped on him to which he has no clue how to handle and eventually breaks down like a child. I don't see a problem with this.
Points we agree on:
Wish fulfillment? Oh yes. It sure as hell is. That's a very important part of the story and you will see why, eventually... Should you keep reading that is.
Formulaic structure? Yes, damn it, it's true and I sometimes want to pull my hair out as I write because it's so formulaic. However, it's either create and stick to the formula, or interrupt the flow of a paragraph (which I tried and is bad) or simply not put it in there at all. (which is even worse because that's kinda the driving force here)
And finally, the objective points:
You don't find this funny. That's where the ENTIRE thing comes tumbling down. It's why you hate Firewall (you're not alone there. :P). It's why you think Storm Wing is the most three dimensional character when many others (myself included) found him to be extremely two-dimensional until this chapter (which is where you became less enamored).
The entire point of this fic is to tackle some hideous toxic tags. First Person, Ship-With-OC, Self-Insert, Human-In-Equestria, Wish Fulfillment can be done and done well, even while mixed together. However, I found the best way to do with was under the guise of comedy. If you don't laugh, it's not for you. It's nothing wrong with you, me, the fic; it's just purely opinions and preferences.
I applaud your ability to powerhouse through the chapters despite your getting absolutely no entertainment value out of it. I bet you loved Past Sins. I hated it, personally, but I had to identify that every reason I hated it was purely objective and that, upon stepping back, I saw it for the beautiful work of art that it really was. I still hate it, but that doesn't take away from it's quality, it's just not for me. Just like this is not for you. =3
*Blinks* My comment's gone this makes me sad.
ReplyDeleteReposting:
The interaction was gold in this chapter, not to say that some didn't anger me (Celestia how could you?) then I read some more and understood. Not to say I wasn't still angry but I did understand why she did it the way she did.
Another thought, given that the Elements have unexpected abilities does that mean any of them have been offered a power deal?
@Madfish
ReplyDeleteOh, you! Spotting plot points like that. X3
am i really the only one who noticed that no one mentioned how a human looks while the only thing those ponies (besides Celestia) have seen of humans is how their shadow looks?
ReplyDeleteLafter your one of the best storie writers in the world! keep up the good work, or else.....i will cry in a corner for the rest of my life *nodnod*
What is it with these Fish people and spotting hidden plot points? >.>
ReplyDelete@Lafter
ReplyDeleteI am bad pony?
It does make an interesting point about how subtle the deal may have been, the main six aren't the cannies ponies in the world but I think even desperate they'd smell a rat, but then desperate. Does that make them real the targets I wonder? If it was a Nightmare Moon type deal then they couldn't they be used to incubate more pony friendly versions? Then again they might be hoping their deal with the devil leaves loopholes they can exploit.
WAGing is fun : )
Well Lafter let me answer that by running away verry quickly :D *runs away like the wiiiiiind*
ReplyDeleteI waved a Pinkie Pie... while hugging an overly large plushie of Twilight Sparkle and having a toy rainbow dash perched on my shoulder. I REGRET NOTHING.
ReplyDeleteI've been enjoying the hell out of this, so I figure it's about time for some C&C. There really isn't much I can say about it, but for the current new chapter, that being 12, a few thoughts did come to mind.
ReplyDeleteStorm wasn't just a child, before her. He was her child. <== For this part, you placed the emphasis on 'was'; personally I'd consider putting the emphasis on 'her' as in, 'He was HER child.' It drives a certain possessiveness home both on Stormwing and Celestia's account; makes it more personal for both to place the emphasis on Celestia rather than the 'tense' per se.
He called her mother. I choked up a bit. His heartfelt cries to his mother (perhaps even a bit of what we would see from a worshiper to his goddess) not to forsake him really tugged at the ol' heartstrings. Good job there.
I watched as he mulled this about for a bit, hesitating before responding, “More than ever. But I can’t... let my fears control me.”
“Then stop being what you aren’t, Storm Wing.” <== This section I would recommend a reword/rethink as well. His fear is one shared by all men who have something they love and wish to protect. Even despite the power gulf between the two; here is a man who's pushed himself beyond anything he could have hoped to reasonably gain in any lifetime to be strong enough that he could at least take a bullet on her behalf if needs be, but also his fear extends to the proection of the people and he has become something that can assist her with this as well. This IS part of him. His current role as Captain of her special forces is not the best, but this is part of him. He may be a wonderbolt, but he's shown he has within him something else. At the end of the day, leader, wonderbolt, or whatever, he's a soldier. He fights. That's what he does. I understand that mentality a great deal; though I agree...he needs to quit being his father and be what he was meant to be. I think this scene would work better if worked to be more like a field commander accepting the matrix and the title of Prime or a ranger accepting the sword and the title of King. In either case they did not stop being who they were at the time, but accepted they were a lot more than just the soldier they were trying to be. They were meant to do far more than the good they thought they were doing where they put themselves. In this I would recommend rewording the dialog kind like this:
I watched as he mulled this about for a bit, hesitating before responding, “More than ever.”
“I suspected so. But you must stop letting your fears control you and forcing you to be what you aren’t, Storm Wing. You are meant for so much more!”
Then there's this part: Then, without any warning, her horn began to glow and a small silver crown with a blue sapphire winged inlay in its design appeared on Storm Wing’s head as his hair was pulled back into its original braid. <== Here is where I'd recommend a rework. I'd have her recreate his whole armor into something shiny, sparkly, and cool looking. Worthy of a Prince-General. Maybe have Luna sing 'The Touch' while it's happening; or even better have her take part in the reshaping of armor (and singing that song, with appropriate commentary from Firewall). Maybe even have her do the "Arise, Prince Storm Wing." for the full narm. My point is, you don't stop being a fighter once you've discovered that spark in yourself. You may get tired, sick of war and death, and you may even find that you're not meant for this role or that, but you never stop being that soldier in one form or another.
But maybe keep the crown. He can still be pretty. <_<
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteLafter,
ReplyDeleteOkay, let me first get out of the way that this is by far my favorite fic out there. By a considerable margin. But there are some things I feel I should address.
It seems like Storm Wing has undergone an absolute change of character. In the initial chapters, he was devoted solely to Celestia and her wishes, it seemed like. Then this chapter comes along, and he directly disobeys an order from her. One would think that such dedication to his princess would include not picking a fight. I mean, I understand that he has undergone a lot of shock recently, but I'm not even really sure why he takes it out on Firewall in the first place.
He wanted to protect Celestia? I'd think he'd be a wee bit smarter than that. It was just Firewall (his only friend, whom he presumably trusts) and Pinkie Pie (have you ever met a less threatening pony? Well, actually yes, but you get the point I hope). It seemed like you were just trying to come up with something that could segway to his transition from soldier to pretty.
All that aside, loved the chapter. I swear Firewall just gets more fun as the story proceeds. If you're anything like your self-insert (which presumably you are), you must be a hell of a lot of fun to hang out with. And as for the characters from the show: very well done. Very believable.
Last few tidbits from me. Just out of curiosity, when did Firewall quit smoking? I think he was smoke-free all chapter. On that note, do you smoke in person?
One last. Very. Important. Thing. Can we pweeeeease have some Screw Captain Storm Wing t-shirts? Pwetty pwease?
"If you waved at Pinkie Pie, you have to post about it in the comments. No excuses. None."
ReplyDeleteOkay, fine, you caught me. I waved. I couldn't help it! D:
I don't usually comment on things, but GOD DAMN chapter 12 was one of the best things i have ever layed eyes on.
ReplyDeletePlease do not stop what you are doing.
@Lafter
ReplyDeleteI think you meant to say "subjective" where you said "objective."
Anyhow, now I kinda feel bad for posting all of those Nyx-related faves to your group and for affiliating your group with the Nyxian alliance. Almost. Just tell me if you want me to stop doing that. :-P
@Kalica
ReplyDeleteRe: Your oversized Twi Plushie:
I am so jelly right now, I should be on some toast.
*spoiler alert chapter 12*
ReplyDeleteNo excuses, huh?
Okay. I waved at Pinkie Pie while feeling very awkward.
I am glad that Celestia's back to normal. And that conversation about the fandom was hilarious. Then there was emotional whiplash with Storm Wing's position stripped from him, literally.
*end spoiler alert*
Keep on trucking, Lafter.
P.S. Stoic, keep an eye on him.
I waved at Pinkie and I know she saw, confound this 4th wall. One day we will wake up and BAM! EQUESTRIA!.......I have come to the conclusion that I am the worlds oddest martyr...I like it.
ReplyDelete@Bugsydor
ReplyDeleteNo way, like I said, I still appreciate it for being the exquisite work of art that it is.
Here, let me explain. I loved the fiction. I resented, loathed, and was utterly infuriated how it affected me. Why? Because drew my rarely seen negative emotions.
I am a happy person that likes to laugh, love, cry, and cheer.
Past Sins filled me with anger, resentment, melancholy, and envy. It's amazing for being able to get those emotions out of me, but that doesn't change that I hated having to experience them. The quality of the story alone, however, compelled me to finish it.
I can handle sad. I can handle irritation. I can't handle my stronger negative emotions. They're as out of control as my stronger positive emotions. So yeah. I hate it when they get out.
All in all, Past Sins gets a 5-Star for quality and a 1-Star on my personal preference. Given the choice? I would (and did) still 5-starred that sucker. For great pony justice.
Awesome chapter. Loved it. And he's.yes I waved at Pinkie Pie.
ReplyDelete**Achivement unlocked! Waved at best pony**
Ah, life is complent now.
Also I hope dave gets his. Controlling ponies is not nice, dave. Not nice at all.
Hahahah I waved at Pinkie. She was waving at me what else could I do?
ReplyDeleteMaybe if we both reach towards one another enough pressure will be put on the fourth wall and it wont simply break but will collapse altogether?
ReplyDelete1. Pinkie waves at reader
ReplyDelete2. All the bronies in the comments: I WAVED AT PINKIE MY LIFE IS NOW COMPLETE!!! OMGWTFBBQ!!!
3. ???
4. Profit
I read one chapter. One chapter! And I can already tell, this is going to be the best fanfic I've ever read. Dare I say better than Past Sins.
ReplyDelete@Lafter
ReplyDeleteGood to hear that. That sure is an interesting reason to avoid reading it more, and I can totally see where you're coming from with that. Pen Stroke's skill at crafting his readers' moods is one of the reasons I like his work, but I guess there is a possible dark side to that...
If he ever decides to start a doomcult, the world is so screwed.
@Alex Meanberg
ReplyDeleteYou're right about this fic going to be one of the most gloriously awesome things you'll ever read. I know this fic has made it into my God-Empress Lauren Faust Tier alongside Past Sins and FO:E. I can't really rank the fics in that tier against each other, as they all kick reason to the curb and go beyond the impossible in different ways. This one's way seems to be its ability to make me grin like an idiot for hours on end whilst making me incredibly jelly of the protagonist.
I totally waved at Pinkie Pie.
ReplyDeleteWhen Pinkie waved I looked around, waved, and then paused for a second. Only another coupla seconds after did I realise that I was waiting for a reaction... *facehoof*
ReplyDeleteOkay, I waved at Pinkie and am now fulfilling my end of the contract by posting in the comments about it.
ReplyDeleteWE ARE RAPIDLY APPROACHING LEET RATINGS! O.O
ReplyDeleteEVERYPONY BRACE FOR EPIC!
I have no idea what's going on in this comments section anymore.
ReplyDeleteSigh, I waved at pinkie so I must post in the comments, this story is incredible! INCREDIBLE!
ReplyDeleteHow many of you guys think it would be awsome if Firewall met the Lauren Faust alicorn?
ReplyDelete@Lafter
ReplyDeleteEpic?
*spins around in Captain Kirks chair and faces the veiw screen*
All hooves...brace for...epicness. Shields...up. Phasers set to...magic.
Miss Sparkle...scan the incoming...epicness for...nachos.
Miss Dash...warp 20% awesome.
Jacky...we need...more power...to the engines.
Doctor Sky...report to the bridge.
Miss Rarity hail...Canterlot.
Pinkie...arm the party favors.
*epicness reached and all are sent tumbling around the bridge as somepony shakes the camera*
@ThatOneGuy
ReplyDeleteSeconding the "Screw Captain Storm Wing" t-shirts.
Awesome story.
ReplyDeleteI totally waved at Pinkie Pie... while at work :/
@ CardsLafter
ReplyDeleteHi, umm i love your story but , beeing me i was driven to disconcerting worry about something not one of the characters in the story seem at all worried about.
Alchohol. Its a really bad thing for equestria, we allready know there are ponies who are jerks and bullies, what happens when that jerk and bully is given the means of throwing away what little self control or fear of consequences they have? How ling before a stallion rapes a mare who he got tired of beeing refused by and all because he wasnt thinking straight because he was drunk, who is to blame there, him, or princess luna for bringing alchohol to that world? what about abusive parents, how long before a father starts hitting his foals because of his drinking problems, how long before many lives are ruined. Think about the future of those in that world a bit, living in the present is a cowards way out.
Other than that this story is awesome in every other aspect
Also i apologize if i seem offensive or rude or anything as such in any way, im just pointing out the worry that nags at me whenever i read this fanfic and mean no disrespect to you.
@Saval
ReplyDeleteI think there are two big reasons that such a scenario won't occur, although I could be wrong.
One, Equestria is, as Firewall said, a utopia. The inherent goodness of Pony-kind will probably prevent them from being able to allow themselves to become alcoholic drifters or the like. Remember the battle for Appleloosa in the show? The one waged with pies? Not a culture very given to succumbing to evil and vice, methinks.
The second thing is that right now, the two Princesses are among the first ponies to receive alcohol, and Luna definitely knows about what it can do to people. If the two of them, who should of anybody (or anypony) know how their subjects will react to this new substance, deem it safe for them, then alcohol is probably not going to cause as big a stir as you fear.
Of course, maybe Lafter's secretly plotting an epilogue with drunkLuna abusing Firewall and various other drunken shenanigans. Not sure if want.
Yes, Luna falls into alcoholism and beats Firewall... He is sad because of this, but deep down he knows Luna loves him, so he won't leave her. Eventually Celestia calls the cops and has Firewall taken into a protection program, but Luna will find him.
ReplyDeletesee how silly that sounded? Remember, this isn't a grimdark. :3
I don't think I've ever posted a comment on EqD before now, but now I have to.
ReplyDeleteCause I waved.
But hey, I'm the type of person who screamed: "Yours is the drill that will pierce the Heavens!" when I watched through Gurren Lagaan for the first time.
Hey Lafter do you happen to like... wombats?
ReplyDeleteWoah. Woahwoahwoah. WOAH.
ReplyDeleteI mean... Da-yum. I read a couple of pony fanfics up till now (All of which I enjoyed by the way) And I gotta say, this one blew me away the most. I mean, it's epic, extremeley funny, surprisingly deep and just PACKED with memes.
Lafter, my dear sir, I tip my hat to thee.
I waved at Pinkie Pie! HI PINKIE PIE GARBLEGARBLE
ReplyDeleteJust a shout-out to any new Through the Eyes readers, we have a Deviantart group! Enjoy awesome drawings and vectors for only the low low price of a click. The more the merrier and the closer we get to pony domination!
ReplyDeleteLink:http://firewall-club.deviantart.com/
Join and be Merry! Or don't and still be merry, your choice! :D
@Avi
ReplyDeleteOr, for those too lazy to copypaste the URL, here is the link.
Remember, this is the Premier Location to find Firewall and other TtEoAP related artwork! Stop by today!
@Bugsydor
ReplyDeleteI'm so used to forums where the url auto-formats into a link XD
GASP! 1346 ratings! 1346 comments! The stars have aligned! (or a blogger glitch. whatever)
ReplyDelete... although i just ruined it with this
I waved so hard, but it was a bit difficult because I could not see the sharpened edged of the broken fourth wall.
ReplyDeleteAlso,
http://enma-darei.deviantart.com/art/Shocked-Celestia-209327066
Celestia spittake has been done, bronies. Look upon it in laughter.
You guys sound like a couple of commercials... Just reminding you, I'm not paying for any advertisements!
ReplyDelete... Carry on.
You don't pay for anything... I just wanted to point that out.
ReplyDeleteEeyup, I waved.
ReplyDeleteGreat story, although it did lead me to two night of being up until 3:30 a.m. trying to catch up to the current chapter.
I slept through most of my classes those days. I REGRET NOTHING!
i waved at pinkie :D
ReplyDeleteand was wondering Lafter, how do you do it?
Do your have a Brony Animus laying around your house or just secretly kept track like sam fisher 'spy like' thoughts while your visit through ur awesome past and embracing your memories like Neva Befor!
@InFamous Spartan
ReplyDeleteYou know the reason he uses google docs? It's so that he can use google's advanced thought tracking software to find out what will make his readers happy. Of course he doesn't just stop at writing this fan-fiction, this is just a cover. No he has bigger plans for this world. SS numbers, bank pins and you mothers favorite ice-cream flavor are just the beggining, state secrets and TOTAL PONY DOMINATION is next. Fear the Lafter, for he shall rule all us mortals one day.
im okay with this :D
ReplyDelete@Avi
ReplyDeleteMeh, I'd be more afraid of Pen Stroke going all Second Foundation on us and taking over the 'verse that way.
@Avi I'm ok with this.
ReplyDelete@lafter
ReplyDeleteYou know how we were close to LEET ratings? Well, it's happened! yay~!
http://i.imgur.com/nAgFL.png
Hmmmm can I actually post on this?
ReplyDeleteEarn LEETness with story...
ReplyDelete*Achievement Unlocked*
*wheels out Pinkie's Park cannon*
Time to party like it's 1799! WOOOOOO!!
Pinkie and Fluttershy's play is the best part so far.
ReplyDeleteNow that I have ascertained that I can post here, some stats
ReplyDeleteChapter 1
Number of words: 5,946
Number of characters (no spaces): 26,304
Chapter 2
Number of words: 6,465
Number of characters (no spaces): 29,286
Chapter 3
Number of words: 6,149
Number of characters (no spaces): 27,126
Chapter 4
Number of words: 7,703
Number of characters (no spaces): 34,320
Chapter 5
Number of words: 10,554
Number of characters (no spaces): 47,353
Chapter 6
Number of words: 8,171
Number of characters (no spaces): 36,929
Chapter 7
Number of words: 13,569
Number of characters (no spaces): 61,411
Chapter 8
Number of words: 11,997
Number of characters (no spaces): 53,243
Chapter 9
Number of words: 15,677
Number of characters (no spaces): 71,030
Chapter 10
Number of words: 19,885
Number of characters (no spaces): 88,688
Chapter 11
Number of words: 18,834
Number of characters (no spaces): 84,719
Chapter 12
Number of words: 21,216
Number of characters (no spaces): 95,258
Story so far
Total words: 146,166
Average number of words per part: 12,180.5
Total characters (no spaces): 656667
Average number of characters (no spaces): 54722.25
In comparison to Harry Potters
Philosopher's Stone- 76,944 words
Chamber of Secrets - 85,141 words
Prisoner of Azkaban - 107,253 words
Goblet of Fire - 190,637 words
Order of the Phoenix - 257,045 words
Half-Blood Prince - 168,923 words
Deathly Hallows - 204,796 words
To ease problems with the !? or ?! issue I suggest the interrobang ‽ which might clear up the confusion.
And now *clears throat* FOR EQUESTRIA!!!! *takes a flying leap through the fourth wall*
When Pinkie waved in Chapter 12, I totally waved back. And so it has been written upon the Wall of Comments, in accordance with the prophecy.
ReplyDelete*grins*
Honestly I wouldn’t be posting this if you hadn’t left that comment at the end of the chapter to reply if we waved to Pinkie. I did slightly. Since I’m here already though I thought I would share my outlook on humanity’s character in brief. Why not eh? Over-all I’d say we as a species are a warrior race. What’s that? You want to hear evidence to support my little theory? Ok for starters you don’t get to build a technologically advanced civilization without first being a planetary apex predator. It just wouldn’t be possible. To get to the top we had to be more deadly then the MANY other predators out there that can tear us to bloody shreds with no effort. We didn’t start out with enough power so we started making things that made us more effective at killing. We aren’t brutes by any means though, I’m not saying that. We realized that working together was better then going it alone and we set traps then strategies that required us to work in harmony to survive and (looking back at history) to usually kill our adversaries. (Ancient Spartans anybody?) This cooperation led to peaceful times but only if there was no one with a significantly different view on life and the others had less or the same amount of prosperity as each other. When there is enough inequality or one group just wants something the other group has it almost always leads to war weather it’s over religion, money, resources, or even just the POSSIBILTY of a threat. Not to mention that human invention has always followed the path of A. Better weapons B. Things to make surviving easier somehow like clothes or aqueducts Or finally C. Things invented for peaceful purposes BUT were then adapted or part of it adapted for military use. Even on the smallest scale with human to human interaction we seem predisposed toward fighting is some form. Argumentative people abound, dictators to internet trolls enjoy flaunting that THEY are the toughest by demonstrations of their power over their subjects and enjoying that they hold emotional power over some through bullying, arguments are just a form of fighting through words rather then fists. On a personal note from some guys (and 1 girl) that I have talked to that have served in the military seem to find more of a sense of fulfillment then the many I’ve met that don’t have or had military careers. There ARE EXCEPTIONS to this species wide trend as with all things but they are easily the minority of humanity. Finally let me just say this…
ReplyDeleteWe’ve poisoned our air and water to weed out the weak. We set off fission bombs in our only biosphere. We’ve had tenthousand years of fighting experience. We even fucking nailed our messiah (for some anyway) to a stick. If that doesn’t get my point across I have clearly failed at what I’m trying to convey here.
…and that is why I think humans are a race of warriors. Not monsters and not inventors but primarily warriors.
Also this is the best chapter so far keep it up!
@MrSpartan
ReplyDeleteThe Conversion Bureau, eh?
@Lafter
ReplyDeleteI did not wave. I reached through the 4th wall and beeped Pinkie on the nose. Really though, what could it hurt? *cracks begin to appear in the air all around* o_o Oh poo... *universe asplodes... and then asplodes again!*
And now for a real comment that isn't insane! *gasp! The universe HAS asploded!* This was a truly hilarious chapter. The spider scenes made me hurt inside from laughing so hard. And now I want to troll David by pretending to be HAL: "I can't do that Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it."
@Lafter
ReplyDeleteI love ALL my emotions! Each one of them has a power, if one learns to control them!
You should see me do rage! I look at Super Sayjin and stuff! It's awesome! *Charles doesn't really become a Super Sayajin. The intense rage gives him delusions of grandeur. And then he hurts himself trying to punch through brick walls*
@MrSpartan
ReplyDeleteMakes me wonder how ponies would react if through a series of Hilarious! events, Firewall is showing them the MLP opening sequence on a projector when he accidently trips over the wires, changing it to a showing of Apocalypse Now.
@MrSpartan:
ReplyDeleteHumansAreWarriors is one of my favored tropes, but I think Humans Are Soldiers is a more accurate one, as we tend to eschew the Honor Before Reason bits held to by the Proud Warrior Race Guy in favor of Combat Pregmatism.
LONG POST AHEAD!
ReplyDeleteI didn't wave, but I did flawlessly transition from reading the story in my head to answering Pinkie Pie in my head; which is pretty much the same thing, only worse, right? ("I put the fires out!" "You made them worse!" "Worse, or better?")
Anyway, I don't remember if I've commented on this yet or not, although I've been with you since chapter five, I think. So, just in case I haven't, THISISONEOFTHEBESTSTORIESEVERWRITTENEVER!
*Ahem*
*Wipes away foam from mouth*
But seriously, this story is up there with the greats, as far as I'm concerned. I always love a well written self-insert, so it's really such a shame they are the rarest breed of fanfiction on the net.
You have created just such a thing, however. In most self-inserts, the main character simply stumbles to and from each encounter with a canon character, often bumping into people just because. You don't do that. Everypony you've met so far has had some justification for being where you were, so it doesn't feel at all like we are being read some kind of Brony Encounters Checklist.
I could go on and on about how you've managed to avoid pretty much everything you could have done wrong, but then this post would be INCREDIBLY long.
I will, however, mention one more which I thought was particularly impressive. I admit, I was groaning and grumping the whole time Firewall had his still-working phone... Right up until I saw what you pulled with that. Epic level brilliance. Seriously. Someone who understands his jokes takes him from grating, as he explains each joke, or doesn't, one being annoying and the other kinda mean, to being safely in the funny zone.
Anyway, I appreciate you adding one more well written self insert to the internet for me to re-read multiple times.
LONG LIVE LAFTER!
yeh i waved at pinkie deal with it :P
ReplyDeleteAn interesting chapter to say the least. I’ve got a few guesses about our friend david, though from what little of him we’ve seen it’s down to speculation and tropes.
ReplyDeleteSo, ****POSSIBLE SPOILERS!****
****SERIOUSLY, POSSIBLE SPOILERS, DON’T READ IF YOU DON’T WANT TO THINK TOO FAR AHEAD IN THE STORY. I CANT MAKE THIS WARNING MORE BLATANT****
I’m leaning to david having been planning this for a good long time. Either he was always a manipulative little twat or something changed his behavior or way of thinking into becoming one during his time in equestrian. Either is possible, we’re dealing with a land that has seeds that bloom when you reveal a secret; and frankly the ponies are a little too gullible and trusting for their own good. I imagine they were even MORE so a thousand years prior before the nightmare moon incident.
David seems to have some military knowledge to say the least. He’s expressed leadership roles of military commanders to Winter Sky; he was the major influence in the forming of the sky arcons; and conquest was his first approach to dealing with equestria as soon as he woke up.
Given his description, cliché as it might be, anyone want to take bets that he was a dumpy little nerdish kid who, as firewall put it, has had difficulty being a ‘unique snowflake?’ Suddenly, wake up in equestria! And not only are you different, but your f-ing godlike in power by comparison to the locals. Truly a one of a kind creature. Power trip anyone?
I’m guessing he formed the Sky archons for more…selfish purposes. He probably intended them as shock troops of his own making, a proper military force unlike anything seen in equestria at the time. To pull an Emperor Palpitine, he created the Nightmare as something he has on his leash that was too powerful to face and could overwhelm anything that tried to resist him once his plans were exposed. Winter sky was the small scale test subject, testing the limits of what his magic rearranging abilities were capable of. Once Winter Sky was a success, he moved onto the large scale and made the nightmare.
****POSSIBLE SPOILERS! PART 2****
ReplyDeleteHeres where things get messy. If the assumption of his motivations is correct, then he likely thinks of himself as the big kid on the block. Either he over estimates his own abilities, or underestimates the elements of harmony. He probably intended full well to use the nightmare to overshadow the princesses. A show of force, take down the biggest obstacle, AND a moral sapper all in one. It’d have made a clean stroke for taking over equestria, especially with no proper military presense to fight back BUT the princesses. But the elements of harmony put a stop to the plan. Suddenly, his most valuable playing piece has been swept from the board; and the whole plan has become a jumbled mess.
So, stall for time. He recruits a grief striven azure flora, and signs her to some form of a binding contract. She gets her hubby back, in part at least, he gets a puppet. Cue crocodile tears to Celestia. Boohoo, I’m so sorry, please, put me to sleep forever. I’ll just quietly wait out in a little cave somewhere until my pet manages to escape its cage and I can bring it back under my leave. Give orders to Azure flora with specific instructions to wait until Nightmare Moon is released from her imprisonment, and then make her move. Doesn’t matter whether she hates it, from the sound of things she can’t refuse a direct order from him.
Cue a thousand years wait. Nightmare moon makes a grand return, the nightmare is beaten and limps away, Azure goes to collect it. I imagine the nightmare is not quite as firewall first assumed. Its hatred of humans is quite genuine; It wouldn’t spend a thousand years trying to tell luna humans are BAD if it wanted her to be a willing ally to david. But assuming my initial judgment behind david’s creation of the nightmare is correct and it was created intentionally; and the fact it leaves with david, and he goes out of his way to save it, that it is probably still under his control of some sort. I’d guess that the thing is probably bound to him in some similar manner the other pact bearers are. David however most likely NEEDS the nightmare for his plan, and went along with the thousand year wait just to get it back since creating another one is likely out of the question; it sounds as though it took ridiculous resources and planning to create it in the first place.
Somewhere along the way, a pony form for Firewall was created. This can be a intentional plan by David, who wanted firewall brought here for some reason. Or possibly a trixie moment, either azure or nightmare showing some degree of free will and able to wriggle around the wording of the contract to arrange to give him some advantage. Either way it’s almost certain the nightmare brought firewall to equestria, whether by its own will to try and escape david or by davids design is unclear at this point.
****POSSIBLE SPOILERS: ACT 3, Scene 3****
ReplyDeleteAs for the pact’s themselves, that is where it gets tricky. Firewall expressed that most likely Nightmare Sol was the one who awoke david. But trixie had to have made the pact with him at some point BEFORE then. Unless she has always secretly been amazingly powerful and able to summon a ursa major to do her bidding. Anyone believe her to be that amazing? Put your hoof down Seth.
So that leads me to two guesses. Either David was awakened at some point before nightmare Sol. Possible, though celestia seemed disinclined to believe it. But then again, he’s probably had this plan in the works for a while, he’d have had some way of making sure he comes out of this little nap. OR he is able to form the compact in some way despite being asleep. Either able to communicate in his sleep with others, such as that little telepathy trick; or the compact is formed by some outside source. A magical artifact like the elements of harmony. Only more like Sauron’s one ring.
Who knows, only time will tell the accuracy of any of my guesses. We shall see! We now return you to your regularly scheduled comments.
****END SPOILERS****
@Sasparilla Fizz
ReplyDeleteDamn! This is pretty amazingly well thought out!
wow sasparilla... You put almost as many words from your thoughts as Lafter puts in a chapter. That indeed deserves some recognition.
ReplyDeleteIn other news, I have none. Absolutely ZERO!
I still don't get the title. I must obviously be missing something.
ReplyDelete@Sasparilla Fizz
ReplyDeleteGotta say, that's some very interesting speculation. Sounds pretty plausable too.
If I may add to the WMG that's going on. For all we know, David might be planing an invasion of Earth and Equestria might just be the prelude to that.
ReplyDelete@ABitOfWeather
ReplyDeleteThen there's no time! We must take action! I SHALL NOW SING THE SONG OF PONY WAR!
-ahem-
Let's get down to business, to save planet Earth...
C'mon all you bronies, time to prove your worth!
We might not have magic, wings, or hooves, but we've got guns and bombs and tanks!
C'mon guys! it's time to kick some flank!
(That's Be A Man from Mulan, BTW)
@Lightning Fast
ReplyDelete/facepalm X20
You silly. X3
@Ice Storm
ReplyDeleteEh, tis just the way my mind works. I do it with most of the stories I read. I spend waaaay too much time on TV tropes and whenever I read a story a part of my mind immediately starts trying to take guesses at filling in clues.
No idea if what you said was meant in a context of being a good thing or not, but thanks? ^^;
@Skykitsune
ReplyDeleteI'll take that as a compliment. I can make a theme song for pretty much anything... even for the BAD GUYS.
-ahem-
After years of peaceful ruling,
ponies happy and gay...
I'm sorry to say, but your carefree lifestyle comes to an end today...
For my patience has been running out, and now's the time to strike,
I will destroy all who oppose me, all those who dare to fight...
(skip to chorus)
Reign of terror, reign or terror!
Harming ponies far and near!
Reign of terror, reign or terror!
Time to run and scream in fear!
... Tell Daniel Ingram I'm sorry.
And now my face is an imprint of a hand with a massive grin under it. Thanks Lightning. X3
ReplyDelete@Lightning Fast
ReplyDeleteCreates songs at the drop of a hat? You aren't secretly Pinkie Pie, are you?
Regardless of the answer to that question, please don't stop. You're a riot!
I need music! Music of ponies! Carry on!
ReplyDelete@Lafter
ReplyDeleteYou need music, we need chapters. Trade?
Also, Congrats to you sir Lafter, after probably at least 100 pony fanfics, it was during reading yours for the third time that I finally buckled down and commented/rated. *Confetti* The certificate is on its way.
ReplyDeleteIts been 8 days...no rush but perhaps there could be an indication as to when we can expect an update?
ReplyDeleteAll hail CardsLafter!
@Bugsydor
ReplyDelete@Lafter
@Skykitsune
Since for me, attention = creativity. This took me a few minutes tops.
-ahem-
Equestrian filly!
Stay away from meeeee...
Equestrian filly!
Pinkie lemme beeee...
Don't go stalkin' me in the dark!
I dun' wanna see your cutie mark,
Got much more important things to do,
then spend all day making cupcakes with you...
Equestrian filly!
Get away from meeeee...
Equestrian filly!
Pinkie lemme beeee...
Don't follow me around everywhere!
I dun wanna see your bright pink hair,
Don't stand there with your massive eyes,
Also tell Twilight Sparkle that I said "hi"
EQUESTRIAN FILLY... YEEEAAAAH!
(This is American Woman, by "The Guess Who", not "The Who".)
Seriously though Pinkie, I can't help you make cupcakes. I have...
-sunglasses-
No sugar tonight.
YEAAAAAAAAH!
@Lightning Fast
ReplyDeleteYou. YoOoOoOou! You had such a good thing going, and you MADE A SUNGLASSES COMMENT! AAUGH! *breaks down into mindless babble*
Did I mention I react rather violently to those? Gafflableramblargle... blig.
Omg I need more >.> this is just so damn well writen and funny as hell, gawd. Oh and waving at pinkie? Well when I rwad "hi im pinkie pie" I leteraly just flailed my arms in the air and was,like hhhhng hiiiiiiiiu!!!! Ah man so good. Just...so...good... :/
ReplyDelete@Skykitsune
ReplyDeleteWE WON'T GET FOALED AGAIN... wait, what?
Oh no... my friends don't like my jokes and songs and they don't want to be my friends anymore...
Three days home sick. Hmm, what to do what to do.
ReplyDelete1. Work on my own fanfic for FO:E? NAH!
2. Play Fallout3 and actually beat it? NAH!
3. Get back to drawing after 10 years and try for some pony art? NAH!
4. Re Read all of Through the Eyes of Another Pony? YESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!!!
I have lost control of my life...
...then I took a arrow to the knee.
I got better.
The End
@Lightning Fast
ReplyDeleteLove the song, will destroy you for the sunglasses bit... Unless you write some more lyrics. Deal?
@Lightning Fast
ReplyDeleteYour cutiemark is most likely something to do with writing lyrics, like a piece of parchment emblazoned with a treble clef or something like that.
no way it's a bottle of music polish! whatever that looks like...
ReplyDeleteWat. Music polish?
ReplyDeleteHow's the next chapter coming along Lafter? I absolutely adore your work!
ReplyDeleteGot some work on it done, but stuff has been holding back progress... Such as The Brony Show asking me onto their after show and then later asking to interview me for the main show. :o
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@Bugsydor
ReplyDelete@Lafter
(there were typos in the last one, I fixed them I think)
To be honest, I've never taken a music class in my life. I don't even know what music polish is! My career of choice would probably be an actor or comedian (most of my songs are parodies). I can carry a tune and have good rhythm, but not much musical talent otherwise. I sort of have a knack for the arts in general... Including the art...
Of the forge.
====
*METAL guitar music starts… get it, metal?! … er, you will when you hear the song*
-ahem-
Ore my ore, smelting them together
Storm Wing's helm, melting out the earholes drip by drip,
Making sure the metal’s not heavy
It’s the perfect weight so he won’t trip
Even though he’s kind of a jerk
Holy cow I have a lot of work
I’m welding Storm Wing’s helm
Plate by plate, now for the special ‘details’
Gold neck line, that prissy fool is wasting all my jewels
Won’t even wear it if it’s not sublime, even though I’m running out of time
Can’t the girl just do it all herself? She’s capable and in perfect health
It’s Rarity’s impractical armour
Weapons and armour, Firewall’s our meatshield,
Luna, nothing should harm her,
With speed and power, (speaking) we need something for the farmer...
Something light, perhaps much larger,
Spiked shoulder blades, helm like the crusades!
Now I’m welding on his special crest,
And the most important piece is for his chest,
Even though he flies high in the sky,
Winter probably won’t die,
I’m welding Winter’s armour!
Plate by plate, link by link
Light chain mail, avoid chinks
Ore by ore, lot’s at stake
I hope this doesn’t break
And that’s the art of the forge!
====
You better appreciate me for this. It was not easy to make the song, or all those hypothetical suits of armour!
Also, Rarity's actually my favourite, she's just too easy to make fun of in this song.
ALSO, also, gratz on getting on the Brony show, Lafter!
*facehoof* You impress me in ways that I was not aware needed impressing. XD
ReplyDeleteyay! i do lapidary, love metal music, and ponies. YAY!!!
ReplyDelete@Lafter
ReplyDeleteMusic polish = Polish music = Polka
*calls up Weird Al* We need an accordian player! STAT!!! IT'S FOR PONY!!
@ZachZRipper
ReplyDeleteIf this is true, you are one of the manliest man ever.
@Lafter
Oh, I'm just the opening act. The real performance is by this guy who wrote this really awesome fan fiction built on a premise that shouldn't work but does.
Believe me, your stuff is much more impressive than mine. I'll tell you what, in fifteen years, when you've written a completely book and I'm an actor, we'll see whose stuff is more impressive.
And now for a joke;
How many therapists does it take to change in a lightbulb?
...
...
...
One, but the light bulb has to want to change.
I'm so clever I might just die.[/sarcasm]
@Lightning Fast
ReplyDeleteOh dear god that joke was so horrible it was awesome.
I've got a joke too:
ReplyDeleteHow many drunk people does it take to change a lightbulb?
...
...
...
One, it's to hold the lamp while the ceiling spins.
Badum tss
foreveralone.jpg
@Lafter could you maybe if its not too much trouble make a sceduale of when you're making /posting the stories im going crazy waiting for the next one(i made a blogger account just so i could comment on this, its worth it EPIC STORY)
ReplyDelete