• Story: The Carousel Boutique Expansion Project (Update Complete!)

    [Grimdark] First person Rarity! That's a first!

    Author: A Fistful of Apples
    Description: Rarity has decided to finally tackle her problems with obsessive compulsiveness, and at the same time is working on a project to expand her boutique.
    The Carousel Boutique Expansion Project Part 1
    The Carousel Boutique Expansion Project Part 2 
    The Carousel Boutique Expansion Project Part 3 (New!)
    The Carousel Boutique Expansion Project Epilogue (New!)
     

    Additional Tags: Mystery, Grimdark, Psychological Thriller, Detective Story, Murder

    71 comments:

    1. Fistfull? I haven't read anything from you since Reconnection.

      DIVING IN.

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    2. stares -> stairs

      also Poe would be proud.

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    3. Seth, it should be noted that it isn't all Rarity First Person.

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    4. OOooooh, man you're sending shivers down my spine.

      I can't wait for more. You really should write more, Fistful.

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    5. Oh crap. That was intense as hell. I felt sick when I realized what Rarity was about to do, but I just couldn't stop reading since this is so well written. Pensively looking forward to more.

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    6. For the love of Celestia, Rarity!

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    7. O.O... Rarity? WHYYYYYYYY!?!?!? T.T

      This is a great story though, very much like Poe.

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    8. This one is scaring the crap out of me based on the description and the tags. I'm not sure if I can get myself to read it.

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    9. ugh now i remember why i dont read grimdark... made me a sad pony

      however! despite what I felt was a completely over-the-top reaction from rarity, her personality change and the whole OCD thing i found very believable, and seemed almost canon for a rarity flavoured 'pony-gone-mad' episode, as they are wont to do.

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    10. There is still a chance this grimdark won't be murder related. Twilight just has to figure it out in the next day or so.

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    11. thats fucked up but i love it

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    12. Some food for thought, copied from the ponychan thread:

      I did some research on the concrete exothermic reaction, and for large quantities of the stuff the high end of the reaction is 75 C, average of 55 C on the study I found. 55 C is or 122 F. At that temperature a human will get 3rd degree burns in a little over 4 minutes.

      If Sweetie Belle is alive a the end of this, it's going to be without hoofs.

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    13. Cask of Amontillado.

      I c wut u did there.

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    14. Awesome. Yes, very awesome.

      --SPOILER--

      LOL Cask of Amontillado

      --SPOILER--

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    15. That's the name of it. I knew what it was about, but I couldn't recall the title of the story.

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    16. This is disturbing,yet too well written to stop reading.
      Moar please.

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    17. Boy, murderer Rarity sure is becoming popular these days. But Sweetie Belle? Say it ain't so! Find her, Twilight, find her!

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    18. The Cask of Amontillado is totally my favourite Poe story, and was a heavy influence on this story. It's not the only one though. I'm pleased that people noticed. I'd be really surprised though if anybody got the non-Poe influence.

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    19. This story gives me chills. I love it. Can't wait to read more!

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    20. This is really one of the best grimdark stories I have ever read, and I cannot wait for part three!

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    21. I am pleased to see that grimdark stuff with rarity is going towards the "classic" horror, like Frankenstein and Poe. I'd ask for Dracula, but that's an awfully daunting challenge.

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    22. Is it just me, or are there more and more Grimdarks where one of the mane cast turns into a monster? Last week there was that one where Rarity murders two ponies (including Pinkie) to make a flesh golem Prince Charming, and here she murders her little sister. Like there's something in the fanfic water that's triggering stories to have Rarity or Celestia commit unspeakable acts.

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    23. Wow. This was Rarity's "Cupcakes". I don't think I'm going to be able to hear Art of the Dress again without thinking of her humming it to herself while sealing Sweetie Belle up in the basement...

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    24. Creepy and well-written. I thought there was a hint of "Black Cat" influence there, as well!

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    25. All I know is I WILL FOAM AT THE MOUTH UNTIL PART 3 ARRIVES. Rarity, I always saw something disturbing in you.

      In other news, all these grimdark and sad fics make watching the show... no, watching the mane cast, different. None of it is canon, but you can see EVERYTHING wrong with Rarity in fics like this and Loss IN THE SHOW... if you're a psycho-analystic fanatic. Or I'm just applying things in other places as I see fit. I dunno.

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    26. Jesus fucking christ on a hatrack that's messed up O_o;
      Moar, though.

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    27. @Anon 2011-06-01 11:42 "For the love of Celestia, Rarity!"

      I will not lie, I cracked the hell up when I read that. It was just too perfect.

      @AFistfulOfApples: I'm not sure what kind of OCD Rarity has, but I'll go along with it since you basically proved you're a goddamn Literary/Fanfic Wizard with Reconnection.

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    28. Just got around to reading this. My immediate reaction upon reading the word "bricklaying:"

      "Oh, frak."

      This is quite creepy; I like the perspective switch. Keep it up.

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    29. What ^ said.
      Even though, you can't rush perfection. At least I'm not the only one who wishes that false.
      MOAR... when, um... it's done. ...Of course.

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    30. ...Jesus. Not the best story ever, but... shit, dude.

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    31. Entertaining :]

      Also, as of "Owls well that ends well" Spike can make things combust externally, as seen by the quill he torched. He IS a dragon after all, not exactly harmless.

      So the question is, how to get away with horror movie plots when the characters have a history of not being ones to fall for such things; And being equipped to handle them?

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    32. tager@derpymail.comJune 15, 2011 at 9:54 PM

      To be fair, I was writing a first person Rarity story and I'm just now picking it back up. :(

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    33. Overall I think it was a strong story. The first and second chapters opened up quite strongly, but I felt as if the tension was bled out of the end with the third chapter.

      A lot of the interactions with the characters felt forced. Starting with Twilight already in the middle of grilling Rarity seemed like an odd place to start. I'm not sure that Twilight would be so quick to accuse a friend of murder, as cynical as she may be. Maybe a little more time and explanation would've helped it be more believable.

      Spike's initial reaction was fine, but he was pretty quick to accept anything that Rarity wanted. The survival instinct still applies in fiction, especially with younger people. A scene of him trying to get away or something would've been more sufficient than just laying there and taking it.

      Just a few problems, but it was a good story regardless. I quite enjoyed it.

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    34. Mhhm Grimdark the best kind of dark.

      Personally could use an rewrite for clarity thou...

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    35. All my 1-stars. Because seriously god damn.

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    36. LOL rartity being able to kill twilight. classic. good story but i dont think rarity could have stabbed her no matter how fast without being blown into bits.

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    37. I'll agree, part 3 started weirdly rushed, but overall good stuff. And DAT Epilogue. Good stuff there.

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    38. The first two parts I liked. The last two parts I dislike. The first parts flowed well and set the stage for a gripping psychological thriller that was threatening to take you on emotional roller coaster. The ending did not live up to this nor did it seem like it tried. The ending felt rushed as if the author simply wanted to be done with it. There was no feeling of suspense, no dramatic timing, just really nothing.

      I will end this before I get really started by saying Parts one and two I would easily give five stars to. Part 3 and the epilogue would barely make it to one star.

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    39. did someone order a piece of BULLSHIT

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    40. still rather scary but the story trips and does a face plant with chapter 3
      shame too it had the potental to match cupcakes in terror

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    41. I have to say I agree with the appraisal that the last two bits seemed rushed. Perhaps it was because the first two were so well-done. The scene in the first part where Sweetie wakes up while being entombed is really gut-moving and well written.

      That said, the work as a whole is really intensely creative, and I really dug the decision to have the narrative take place in 1st person. More fics should be written like that, and I think he got the voices of the characters beautifully.

      I was really hoping for a happy conclusion, but I'm not outraged by any means. Thanks for the read :)

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    42. I still love her. Cupcakes didn't make me hate Pinkie and Rarity's New Dress didn't make me hate... Rarity. I'd like to thank the internet for desensitizing me.

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    43. As stated above, this fic does not make me dislike Rarity anymore than I do now. She is still a fine pony... But well, now I'm slightly unnerved by her.

      It'll wear off, but still... This I found almost as messed up as Cupcakes, but for different reasons. With Cupcakes, Pinkie Pie is well... Mentally unsound. And even in this state, she does show a small hint of sorrow for hat she did.


      Rarity here... She's doing this very calculated and without remorse. Even after she recovers, she sheds no tears. She literally lives over the lie she built, over the graves of her friends and her little sister, not telling soul until she is near her Death. And even then, only doing so thinking that the person she has told will remain silent out of Loyalty to her, letting her die with a clear conscience.

      This tale not only paints her as a killer, but it paints her as a killer of both friend and kin, but as a true, cold-blooded psychopath.

      Bravo.

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    44. It started off great, but then got kinda predictable, and ended okay. But overall a good story.

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    45. O_O, I'M STRICTLY MORTIFIED, well deserving of the Grim-dark title. Rarity could be one crazy **** given the right prompting...

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    46. Poor Sweetie Belle.. *sniff*... poor poor Sweetie Belle, never meant any harm :'(

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    47. Daamn. Sweetie Belle, Twi, AND Spike? C'mon man.
      Good read, keep 'em comin'.

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    48. We waited this long for that ending? :I

      Come on, man. What an anticlimax.

      REVELATIONS
      SECRETS AND LIES
      Stab, stab, letter years later, GG no re.

      That's it?

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    49. As terrible as this is I have to say I am glad that it isn't Rainbow Dash being killed for a change

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    50. Its.. Its happened, hasn't it? Every character is going to get a "Cupcakes"-like story. This here is Raritys. Oh god save me.

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    51. I just had lunch before eating this.
      Now it's fighting to stay inside me... oh god, what sick hell is this?

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    52. A very interesting story for sure, but the ending seems rushed. It might have been a good idea to expand it for another chapter or two.

      Also, Rarity coming to the conclusion of killing her sister was a bit forced I thought.

      Regardless, it was still a good read. 4/5 stars

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    53. Hm. Holmes vs. Edgar Allen Poe. Interesting concept, but could've been done outside of ponies.

      Also, Rarity needs some closure to her. One does not simply shrug off a murderous rampage. She's too sane after the killing. And you've got some willing suspension of disbeleif issues here, too. Character derailment is not something to be taken lightly, after all.

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    54. @Minalkra
      I'd expected something a bit more Poe, actually. I don't want to spoil it, but I was thinking we'd get more Black Cat or Telltale Heart than Cask of Amontillado.

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    55. @Anonymous

      Poe wrote detective stories too. I was influenced by Dupin's stories, not really Holmes.

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    56. In order to make myself feel better about this, I will now examine why/how it is implausible. From least to most significant:

      Twilight's thought process and actions don't really seem to match her. Her detective work was fine, but it's doubtful that she would so quickly jump to the conclusion that Rarity got rid of Sweetie Belle herself; and if she did, she probably wouldn't be optimistic enough to confront Rarity without telling anyone else first, or leaving any traces of her investigation, or at the very least bringing someone other than Spike.

      Rarity having OCD is something I could almost believe as canon, but I don't think her case could really be severe enough to drive her to murder. While she is perfectionist, she doesn't demonstrate behaviour indicating a really serious case, or any outward signs of genuine psychosis. Even in Suited for Success, she maintains a perfectly sane mind throughout, even when her career is apparently ruined.

      Can Unicorns really use their horns as weapons, and effectively enough to instantly kill one another? Logically, the answer would be no; the horns in the cartoon appear to have blunt points, they aren't particularly long, and in the happy sunshine world of Equestria, there doesn't seem to be any natural need for a Unicorn to evolve a deadly natural attack, in addition to the fact that their magic is a weapon enough. If they were created, then it's even less likely, as any creator who would make such a diabetically sweet world would likely not equip 1/3rd of the population with blades on their heads.
      All that said, however, that is simply the implausibility of being able to gore a pony's throat with a Unicorn horn so quickly without being very physically fit. The idea that Rarity could kill Twilight so quickly, however, is not very unbelievable. However, it does lead well into the next point.

      Rarity killing Twilight; neither are especially fit, or fast. Distance between the 2 is never mentioned, so to be fair it can be assumed that they are standing right next to each other. They would have to be in order for Rarity to possibly attack that fast. If this is the case though, why would Twilight get caught off guard by the attack? She has already learned that she is standing face to face with a mentally imbalanced killer, which should make her very tense to begin with. Coupled with the fact that Rarity was already dropping hints that she was going to do something to her, I don't know why Twilight wouldn't have already backed away, or restrained her, or even attacked her. The way she could figure everything out so quickly, solve everything about the mystery while talking, but not work out that she was about to be attacked during Rarity's speech about how she was going to clear all the evidence against her, and it seems she had a bit of a derp moment.

      Still, all of this is pretty acceptable, and wouldn't really be stepping out of line, even in the actual show (Apart from the whole murder part). This was pretty much just to make people who don't like the Grimdark feel better about it. Well written and suspenseful throughout, although like many others, I do think the first 2 chapters were better. But, there is just one more thing I have a problem with.

      Why didn't Spike just send the note to Celestia? There was nothing to stop him from just instantly poofing the letter away. It's pretty much instant, so Rarity wouldn't be able to stop him. Perhaps the thought just didn't occur to him, but for him it's just a natural action, in the same sense as talking or moving. He does it pretty much every day, and can even do it reflexively. He also showed himself to be stronger than Rarity anyway in A Dog and a Pony Show, so I'm not sure why he resigns himself so easily. Still, a good read. Write more.

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    57. See, I actually liked the switch to Spike as first person in part three. A repeat of Rarity or Twilight's POV would have been narrative redundant. By switching to a 3rd party, we have far less idea as readers what is going to happen, and it conceals the thoughts of the two character belligerents.

      The fic was unexpected and darkly enjoyable. The mundane nature of the killings only added to the fact that this was psychological horror, cold blooded and divorced from reality but still grounded in a (mad) sort of reason.

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    58. @Anonymous

      Twilight didn't figure out what specifically had been done to Sweetie up until she had already confronted Rarity.

      OCD of any sort probably isn't going to lead one to be murderous no matter what, but this is a story, and reading about Rarity being really annoyed...and that's it, probably wouldn't be as entertaining a story as this. :P

      In folklore if I recall correctly, yes a Unicorn could kill you with their horn. We also saw Rarity getting her horn filed in Green Isn't Your Color, so probably if one wanted to, and it wasn't already sharp enough to kill, they could sharpen it.

      It's a fault of most clever people that they think they have everything planned out. Both Rarity and Twilight assumed that everything was going to go their way, that they were clever enough to have foreseen everything that might happen. Twilight was the one who was wrong, and was just too self-assured that she had solved the case and that was the end, to really think through that even though the case was solved, it's not over until Rarity's restrained. That's my thinking anyway.

      A few reason why Spike didn't send a note. He wasn't writing on a piece of paper, or a scroll, but a notebook, and I'm under the impression he can't send books, or there is some limit to what he can send (as in Owls Well That Ends Well, it looked like he just burned a book instead of sending anything anywhere). He was too distraught and couldn't think clearly to even try, and finally, even if he did, he would probably still die, and so sending a note doesn't solve any of his immediate problems, like Twilight dying/being dead, and him ending up the same way.

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    59. @AFistfulofApples

      Yeah, I mostly put that up out of boredom, without realising just how much I'd written until I posted it up. Just to confirm as well, I think this fic is one of the most realistic and entertaining Grimdark stories on here, without resorting to plotless blood/gore. I don't honestly have any issue with a few, fairly minor points of a magnitude that the show itself could easily make.

      Well responded anyway, I like the detail in your response, and the point about Spike is fair. And yes, I don't think I would have given as many stars if Rarity just sent Sweetie Belle away and got therapy later. Still hoping you write more, your style is really good.

      5/5.

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    60. Really awesome story, I always love a good grimdark fic.
      Just... "Rarity had always been, for lack of a better word, anal about neatness."
      I've never heard someone beeing "anal" about something, that one made me lol.

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    61. -SPOILERS-

      Rarity sat down to talk to Sweetie Bell, and I figured she'd FORCE her to stay at a friends place or something but christ.

      Sweetie grabbed the end of the sack, and pulled. She was right of course, she wasn't strong enough to carry it. But she kept trying, pulling with all her might in an attempt to move the bricks to where I said I wanted them. And slowly, I crept up on her, avoiding making a single clop as my hooves hit the ground.
      All thoughts of what I was doing exited my head. I didn't think about my parents, that eventually they'd come back and wonder what happened to Sweetie. I didn't think about the law, that murder was a very serious offense, almost unheard of in Equestria.

      I read that and was like "Rarity, No! Seriously, what the fuck, girl? She's your sister!" And then she "buried" her alive, even as her Sweetie Bell pleaded for forgiveness, told her that she fucking LOVES you Rarity, and you dismiss it without a second thought. You evil, heartless monster! Before this I just had a dislike of Rarity for being a snobby, prissy, semi-bitch. But no, now she will forever be a monster. Cupcakes didn't affect Pinkie Pie for me, and this won't because I know it's just a Fan-fic, but GAH! I've honestly never hated anyone before, but...

      I hate you, Fisful of Apples Rarity.

      5/5 OH MY GAWD.

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    62. Someone needs to start writing the CBEP Expanded-Universe fics now.

      You know, like the alternate Cupcakes endings where it was all Pinkie's nightmare/Pinkie was ripped in half. Or the continuations where AppleBloom carried on Pinkie's harvest as her apprentice.

      It's time to write shit like that for CBEP

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    63. Oh this piece, this is the sole reason I love grimdark fanfic. I don't know why but through the whole thing, I was smiling the hugest grin ever and telling myself how clever Rarity was. I did feel like she was going to get caught but to my surprise she didn't. Goodjob Fistful, excellent work.

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    64. HOLY... WHAT THE HELL, RAIRITY.
      When I read that Rairity killed Sweetie, I frowned. I like Sweetie Belle...
      Then she killed Twilight and I gasped and was like, "You're a jerk, you know that, Rairity?"
      Then she went on and at the end of the story (after it ended) probably killed Spike, and I smiled and said, "OH, IT. IS OON."
      So, in conclusion I have a weird habbit of talking to ponies in stories like they're gonna respond or somethig.

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    65. Part 1 left me with the reaction of sadly shaking my head and going "Oh, Rarity..."

      I think that could actually have served as the ending to the story, with the aftermath being left up to the reader's imagination. Doing so may well have been a more powerful option.

      All in all, though, this is a good story and is deserving of the four stars I'm giving it.

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    66. @Minalkra
      my thoughts exactly. i couldn't help but think of Poe's "The Black Cat" the entirety of reading this. great story, and i'm looking forward to more.

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