Author: Jetfire
Description: When an accident leaves Twilight Sparkle seriously ill, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity must undertake a perilous journey to find her a cure. What adventures await them beyond Equestria's borders?All Chapters after the Break!
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 1
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 2
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 3
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 4
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 5
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 6
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 7
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 8
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 9
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 10
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 11
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 12
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 13
Ir's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 14
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 15
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 16
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 17
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 18
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 19
Besides the Will of Evil (New - Sequel)
Additional Tags: Adventure, Epic, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash
Full Revised Story Download (New!)
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746 comments:
This is INSANELY AWESOME.
ReplyDeleteHoly crap, this is a book.
I saved everything in Emacs and did a word count: 142,172 words!
A novel is 50k --- 110k words. Anything above 110l words is considered an epic or series with sequels.
In context with that, I want to say that this is one of the best books that I have ever read.
This is officially the best MLPFIM fanfic I have ever read. I think this should be published. All 6 of my stars go to you. I especially liked the Lord of the Rings references. There are not enough words to express my praise of this epic.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for writing this.
My week has been spent readings a few chapters every night, finally leading up to its conclusion today. Each chapter was a stunning epic in and of itself, drawing me into its joys and hardships with each moment. As I read, I was overwhelmed by the incredible story, the gripping adventure, and eventually found myself sleeping each night with the thoughts of ponies. It took me back to a time when I was young; I would read such stories and act out my own adventures with friends. As well, few stories, fanfiction or otherwise, have taken me through all the emotions I experienced with this one, and even now it leaves me in awe. As a poet, I curse myself for not being able to adequately describe the awesomeness and wonder you so easily presented at any given moment. If I am gushing, I am not gushing enough. If I am over rating this epic, it is only slightly so. While a story like this can only impact one's life so much, I'd say that this will undoubtedly stick with me for the rest of mine. Thank you for this grand adventure; whether others are as awe-inspired as I, or just pleasantly entertained, it is a gift which you should be proud to have given us. Sheer brilliance.
ReplyDeleteI finally forced myself to read the last two chapters, and I have to say, you are fantastic. I have never seen someone work so hard on a fanfic in all my life. The quality to detail has it on par with the canon material. I beg and plead for you to make a sequel. I'm sorry if I'm gushing a bit much, but the last two chapters gave me chills up my spine. I repeat, a fanfiction gave me chills!
ReplyDeleteI have no words. I am speechless. This has got to be THE most fulfilling and entertaining story for this fandom, rivaling that of some full-fledged novels that I have read. The characters, the dialogue, the imagery, the narration, the setting, the plot, the pacing, even the damned font. It was all Perfect. When I was reading this I wasn't imagining the events being told, I was merely a silent observer, I was there! There is little I can say now that hasn't already been said by more eloquent readers than I, but I honestly want to thank you profusely for such a great story, worthy of the title of "Epic" in my opinion. Everyone who considers themselves a fan of this show should read this. Few works have drawn me in like this has, and I was still in this world even when I wasn't reading. This epic doesn't "grab" the reader; the reader isn't being dragged along for the ride, he's up front with the fastest pace begging for more like a child asking for the end of their favorite bedtime story. Thank you so much for writing this! I hope that you continue to pursue your talent in the composition of words, as we will be there, chomping at the bit to begin the next adventure!
ReplyDelete-Qracer23
Incredible, just incredible.
ReplyDelete7 stars from me.
Though I must say, I would not have minded an "aftermath" chapter. But maybe that's just because I really love aftermaths to good endings more than your average person. Ah well, Guess I'll imagine one for myself.
Am I the only one checking the tag 'Author: Jetfire' every single day, hoping for new amazing stories?
ReplyDeleteI have read a fair enough number of books, but few, if any, got me as trapped in the story as this one, the writing style, the world building, the character building, and of course the story itself made me spend an entire day in bed, doing nothing but reading this story on my phone.
@Jetfire, you really are an amazing writer. I really hope to see more of your work, be it ponies, or anything else.
I even devote my first comment on Equestria Daily to this.
I . . . I have no words for how much I respect this story. Things like this inspire me to write. It makes me regret the world we live in, makes me regret the restrictions of the human condition, makes me regret the lack of time.
ReplyDeleteYour writing was incredible. I love your style. The Dreaming scene was absolutely perfect. I've never seen anybody format such a scene so perfectly. As an agnostic that believes anything to be possible (especially with the validation that it just CAN be) I found the religious aspects of that scene to be awesome (unlike much of what I've read before).
Though this story now slips into the bookmark folder for that which I've already experienced, I know that it will be the last to be forgotten.
People say Cupcakes changed their views of Pinkie Pie. From now on I will say that this epic changed my views of Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and the entire MLPFiM universe.
God. I'm . . . I'm going to miss this one. Just like I miss watching the first season the first time through, I'll miss reading this story the first time through.
Well done. You deserve every single star. You've done a great deal for the community by writing this. I forgot to mention: I shed tears. While other stories have evoked emotions, no "real" book I've ever read has managed that before.
So much praise for you. I can't get it out correctly. Just . . . this was awesome.
@SomeGuy About my comment on the reference to The Gala at the end of Chapter _ I recently looked back through the comments and found @your response to those comments that I missed the first time. When viewed that way it does make a lot more sense.
ReplyDeleteomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg
ReplyDeleteTHAT WAS SO SAUCOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i FREAKING LOVE THIS STORY.
So yeah just finished this amazing story and now I am sad it's over. it needs a sequel about the world snake because this is the greatest fanfic ever
ReplyDeleteConfound this fanfic! It drives me to ship Rarity/Rainbow Dash.
ReplyDeleteDid Dash just fellate Rarity?
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteOH MY GOD I listened to this while reading chapter 18 HOLY FUCK
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46tS09yBc9I
Nothing that has ever been or will that will be can ever be as epic as that. I even finished reading it about 20 seconds before the song ended. Celestia that was amazing.
This is beyond amazing. My last two evenings were spent riveted to my screen as I ravenously devoured this story. When I got to the end of chapter 18, I felt lightheaded and realized I'd been holding my breath - I can't remember anything I've read ever doing that to me before. The suspense was incredible.
ReplyDeleteA world-class writer, you truly are.
I was sick in bed, so I just spent the last 12 hours reading this epic novel, and holy shit that was the best sick day ever.
ReplyDeleteThe style of writing reminded me so much of the Redwall series that I poured over in my youth.
just finished it. fucking amazing movie quality material here my friends totaly deserving of 6 stars
ReplyDeleteTruly incredible.
ReplyDeleteFallout: Equestria set a bar for fanfiction in this fandom. This one has easily reached that same "height" of meaningful, developed and incredible storytelling.
That finale with the World Snake was something special, more than anything else in the story. It was a true culmination. I naturally had the LOTR: ROTK soundtrack on as I read it. Perfect accompaniment, and I'd recommend it to anyone reading this or re-reading it. Get that Howard Shore movie score on while you read.
Just finished it. Happened to have Bring Me to Life playing during the entirety of the World Serpent chapter. I got goosebumps. Good, happy goosebumps of epic goosebumpery.
ReplyDeleteLoved the story, and I hope you continue writing with this little universe you created. Maybe expand a bit with other stories on the other Elements of Harmony?
I'm extremely curious what the other three have for special powers, and only epic things can come from Twilight's element.
You sir or Madam have a talent and have created something special, an Epic truly worthy to read and to contemplate. You will do great things though the path will be long in the end more stores will come and go, but yours will be found Enduring.
ReplyDeleteThanks for a good read and creation of a new ponyverse
~ClearDenominator
@AnonymousThis means a whole lot to me.
ReplyDeleteI love the Redwall books. I read all of them as a child. I was so enamored of the stories of sacrifice, bravery, and mystery. The mice, the hares, the badgers, the moles- ha, the moles! The stories were similar, but each one was worth reading enough that I could power through them all.
Really, to have my story compared to the Redwall books is as high a compliment as I can be paid. I'm glad you enjoyed it so much.
This currently holds my top spot as the best fanfic of all time, ousting such stars as Better Living and Past Sins. This deserves 7 stars. It's world construction allows ones imagination to turn it into a full-fledged episode arc, with characterization and everything, with no skips, errors, or canon contradiction. This masterpiece deserves to be published. Good work sir.
ReplyDelete(PS: You said that comparison to Redwall is the highest compliment. Well, while Redwall's characterization is better than yours, I personally found your world to be more interesting than Redwall's. Then again, I haven't read Redwall in a long time, so my memory is probably a little fuzzy. Anyhow, I rate your work to be as good as if not better than Redwall.)
There are honestly no words to describe the sheer amount of raw awesome radiating off this. This takes top spot as the best fanfic I've personally ever read.
ReplyDeleteThere is simply no way I can tell how much i like this story, it's absolutely beutiful, heart touching and well written.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I was a bit dissapointed when I saw how long it is (a long story, i don't have time blablabla), now I can say that every second spent on reading was worth it.
This story is absolute _MUST_READ_ for every brony
I just spent my ENTIRE day reading this! I got through the first chapter and couldn't stop! This is by far one of the best stories from ANY fandom I have read yet. Great going JetFire!
ReplyDelete"... and the world snake fell into a giant plothole, never to be seen again.
ReplyDeleteThe End."
Other than that, this is a splendid masterpiece. Give this author a medal, the highest honours known to bronydom and a lifetime of free ponies.
This story touched me deeply. Celestiaf*ckingdammit, I hate it when tales like that end, it makes me sad, so very sad...
I will admit it. Chapter 18, when I read this one line:
ReplyDelete"Earth ponies are unbreakable"...
Yeah. I cried. Dear god this story is one of the most beautiful I've ever read, and nothing I can say to praise it would do it justice.
Its a bit depressing, knowing I will probably never come across another fic of this magnitude again. Hell, I'd be beyond hard pressed to find better books on store shelves.
Admittedly though... where'd the final boss end up?
Why is Applejack wearing Kain's armor from Final Fantasy IV in the picture above?
ReplyDeleteBLIMEY. That's all I can say. Very well written, characters are well represented,and the most exciting climax I have ever read. Two things, though, and I'm sorry if they've already been asked before: I personally would have really liked it if there had been a scene in chapter 18 where we read of Twilight finally recieving the Beneviolet. It probably makes more sense story-wise not to, but thats just my opinion. Also, how does the timeline work out - the girls seemingly know nothing of the Gala, and yet there is clear mention of events that occour after their tickets (in the series) are dispensed, like the walking-on-clouds bit. Anyway, well done on writing the best thing I've read in a long time, and for making the equestrian planet Earth the most vivid and vibrant setting I've ever seen. I'll never be able to watch an episode again, without thinking about the vast expanse of uncharted country beyond equestria's borders. Bravo!!
ReplyDelete*clap, clap, clap*
ReplyDeleteThis story is beautiful.
This story is flat-out incredible.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't just deserve seven stars, but seven stones and one white tree too...
In fact, it has inspired me. What other animals exist in this world? What other dangers do they face? Would it be mean and horrible to put everypony in the Mane 6 through them in an epic cycle concentrating on them one by one and ending with the kind of epic that the author of this story does so well?
One day... I may even be a millionth as good as this. Until then, I'll strive.
In chapter 8.
ReplyDeleteLiking it in general so far.
Seems a bit hokey in parts. Ripping scenes from LotR feels lazy and is distracting, then again I would rather read this than a poorly written story that was totally original. The political discussion was a nice touch. Shelter didn't seem to have an air-hole, and I am not sure how that big of an air-pocket formed.
Acre is a measure of area, not linear length. I THINK it is the approximate area a single horse-drawn plow could till in a day. A base of an several acres for the barn makes sense if it contains their entire town-equivalent under its roof or is otherwise HUGE. Expressing a height in acres, however, is simply nonsensical.
Given the concerns expressed about the Lord, I wonder if a Worm-tongue equivalent will make an appearance.
“That seems to be what I learn every week,” she said softly. “I suppose the lesson takes a while to stick.”
-Nice lampshading of the lessons of the show... but I can't remember Rarity ever being incapacitated by fear.
“Well...” she thought again. “I'd say the average pegasus is about... eighty percent as cool as me.”
-The math is wrong here, but I guess "I'm 20% cooler" would be too obvious, and "five sixths as cool as me" would be too subtle.
I am not sure if there IS such a thing as colored charcoal IRL, but I suppose some sorts of woods that produce different colored charcoal when partial burnt could be part of the fantasy setting.
"Deerish" is obviously a substitute for "elvish" but I am having a hard time imagining deer as more "magical" than unicorns... then again, more "graceful" fits, and Rarity certainly has an appreciation for grace.
Endnotes:
Yeah, definitely expecting Wormtongue here, but you might surprise me.
It wasn't until reading the next part that it occurred to me that the implied percentage of the Daleponies who DON'T get their cutiemarks may indicate that the Dalepony civilization is less happy (in a _deeply_ meaningful sense) than Equestrian society.
Part 9:
ReplyDeleteShe wished Zecora were here, or even Twilight, though she knew the lavender unicorn would scold her for putting any stock in prophecies.
-Dude! First 2 minutes of episode 1 argues strongly against this.
Retreat doesn't sound disastrous on an open plane. Sure the "immovability" power makes holding a position more desirable, but I am not sure that any particular attention to not retreating is needed, it should happen naturally I would think. I guess the slight hilliness of the local terrain might do that... or is that just something Applejack is noticing due to adrenaline focusing her attention? I suppose it would make sense if there were foals or wagons to protect, but I would expect the tactics to be more specific to the situation than that.
Applejack's loyalty to Ashtail could be a love interest developing (a bit quick for my tastes, but about standard for a lot of shipping stories with Original Characters), OR he could have a Loyalty-Inspiring cutiemark/demeanor as a Prince.
Applejack should have asked for rope when they were getting armed. She certainly had enough time to think of it while training with Ashtail. It qualifies as a weapon for her.
Shield Maiden turned her right side to the komaga, and its claws bounced off her shield. “Rarity!” she called over her shoulder. “Can you use your magic?”
-I think you should put an extra line-break before this to set off the change of location/scene.
The italicization of "Applejack" indicates it IS shipping. Meh... I can live with it, even if it IS at the normal "too fast" speed. (to be clear I have no problem with shipping per se, I just like it to be slower-paced. I guess the hours of training MIGHT qualify as social interaction for a physical mare (personally I do not like "filly" since she is a responsible adult) such as Applejack.
“I've... never actually used weather to hurt anything before.”
-Well, she certainly TRIED against the Manticore.
Hmmm... "no retreat" plus fear in the eyes plus "they would have just kept going past us" plus "just passing through"... this is looking like an unjust war. Shades of the "How to Train Your Dragon" movie, but even worse because they don't even STEAL food (although they might trample some). The lightning stuff that Rainbow Dash saw might stand in for the Green Death.
Part 10:
ReplyDeleteThoughts at start:
If I had to guess based on the pictures and the plot so far, I would say this will end with Rainbow Dash learning to draw lightning to scare the "herd" (AJ probably recognized the fear-look of from the cow stampede(s) she has dealt with) into turning, and AJ will "stand firm" to stop one last one from reaching the walls... bouncing it back... or maybe just tripping it?
I assume the swords are "stilletos" that can be worn on the wrist while running and extended for striking?
Geeze... no spare sets of armor doesn't make much sense in a place that big. Stuff gets damaged, people get fatter or thinner... should be something to spare... Then again, if you only take skins from creatures that died naturally and WEREN'T komaga, you might end up REAL short on leather, such that things are only modified and repaired, never replaced.
Finally! Rope!
Applejack telling RD to skip out if the wager is lost feels like a breech of Honesty, even if it is justifiable overall.
Ok, so "Stand Firm" DID get used (a part of their culture that they can KEEP once AJ shows them how to Rope at some point.)
I would have saved the lesson for the trip home personally... then again, with the accelerated learning rates of fiction you seem to be using, this might save more than ONE life... but probably not since the first few actual uses against actual komaga would probably be MORE dangerous than just fighting them a few more times until AJ can return.
Surprised Rarity didn't keep the horn-blade for the magic-boost until she returns the Gildedale after they get the cure, especial since it isn't like anyone ELSE in the country can use it.
Will probably be posting another comment for the later chapters, but I want to get this on the boards before my computer eats it or something.
Part 11:
ReplyDeleteThe camels say the stars are suns
That burn in empty space.
-This a riff on RL middle-east pioneering of astronomy? Not sure if they DID, but I suspect. General fanon holds that Equestria is, in fact, geocentric, but theories to the contrary are perfectly reasonable, both as your personal fanon, and as in-universe (mis-)conceptions.
I am with Fluttershy on telling her parents.
Part 12:
Flint and steel (perhaps in a hoof-driven mechanism, like those used to light propane torches IRL) makes more sense than the fire-starter log. Yes, I know this is the SECOND time this has appeared, but I didn't think of it before.
Is Dash supposed to be SCARED, or EXCITED at the end?
Chapter 13:
ReplyDeleteHer voice dropped to a whisper. “I know what it's like to lose somepony important to you.”
“I... yeah,” Dash whispered in turn. How could she have forgotten?
-What is this a reference to? I assume it must be another fanfic, perhaps of your own, perhaps by someone else, but I don't know which one.
As for the scene in the tree... is that supposed to be the square-cubed law? Seems a bit... _scientific_ for the dreaming, but, in the end, why not? But I suppose having the leaf analogy near-to-hoof explains shrinking her.
"Don't tell the Longs they look like dragons"
-Did you get this wrong here, or did Dash get it wrong a little later? Because "Lung" is Japanese for "Dragon" (or maybe Chinese?) and it would make sense that Eastern Dragons might not like being confused with Western Dragons.
Chapter 14:
Ok, so deer ARE more magical than unicorns (in general). Counter-intuitive, but there is nothing wrong with not following expectations, and it certainly should WORK.
Fighting WWII (WWIII?) with EACHOTHER is NOT a Tolkien-elf thing to do (unless it is buried somewhere in the silmarillion?)... I approve.
Ok, definitely getting a "There will be a sequel, and it will be MASSIVE" vibe from this now. I thought earlier that the remaining chapters would not be sufficient scope for the amount of power-boosting you have done, and now we have a threat that is not likely to be resolved in the course of the story which would be enough to justify all of this and more.
P.S. My own personal fanon (and this may be something that has been bandied about a lot in the fandom for all I know, have only been a Brony for about a month) is that one of Celestia's titles is/will be "The Hammer of the Dawn". Because hey, if you get to pull entire scenes from LotR, then I can do Gears of War.
Chapter 16:
ReplyDeleteApplejack Recieved: Bonded Weapon!
Rainbow Dash Recieved: Wind-Breaker Scarf!
Rarity Recieved: Armor +X of the Mage! (And now I know why you had her refuse the loan of the horn-thing earlier).
I wonder what is going to keep them from making the return trip?
Chapter 17:
Ah, yes... the FINAL BOSS.... although I am not sure why that would particular stop them from going back the way they came per se.
Chapter 18:
Well, I just found the SECOND thing that would merit an Orbital Sunbeam Strike (think burning ants with a magnifying glass, but scaled up AT LEAST 7 orders of magnitude) from Celestia if should couldn't reason with it. The description on Applejack's part was suitably awesome.
Ah, I see... The Element of Magic, that explains it. No long trip home. You know how to write a climax.
Chapter 19:
I still say Celestia is going to pop over and deal with that World Snake... one way or another.
okay I'm sorry but while written for the most part the amount you've ripped off from lord of the rings is more then just a reference at this point I mean seriously, it's verging on plagiarism :S
ReplyDeleteCan someone make a kindle version of this?
ReplyDeleteReminds me of what made me fall in love with LOTR all those years back when I first read the book.
ReplyDeleteAlso made me realise that part of why I like Applejack so much is that she reminds me of Samwise,who is my absolute favourite character from LOTR.
Really adored the whole rope thing :)
First off, I'll say that this took me a week to finish. A. Whole. Week. This story is just so massive. If nothing else, I must Jetfire tremendous props for persevering through with this story. I swear, this must have had over 125,000 words. It's stunning actually. I have never encountered a fanfic of this magnitude before, and I must say that I'm rather glad that it turned out to be a good story. I would hate to have sunk a week into it and then realized that it wasn't worth it.
ReplyDeleteReview Time:
Characters: Tremendous job done here. For as long as I can remember, I've had a bone to pick with most stories because they do not work to develop characters. A lot of stories these days are overly obsessed with creating a breathtaking plot, and the characterization in the stories suffers immensely. This is compounded when movies are made, but that's something else. With your story, a sizable chunk of it is spent working with your characters, giving them personalities both above and slightly outside the bounds of the show. I cannot emphasize enough how much that strengthened the story. Most fics these days simply take the strong characters of the mane six and just assume that the audience already has their characters figured out. While this is in part true, the stories fall a bit short if they don't at least attempt to build on them. Yours avoided that pitfall marvelously. Even though you used main characters, I felt like I was discovering aspects of the personalities all throughout the story. Well done. No recommendations for improvement here.
Plot: I can only describe this story as an epic adventure. It truly was. The plot seemed quite pretty straightforward at the start. Go from Point A to Point B to retrieve Item C before Time D. It's a tried and true formula, and this story repeated it as well. You did a good job with giving a sense of urgency to the quest. As I was going through the early, I was wondering if we'd see Twilight suffering with the Horn Rot to watch as it progressed. I was pleased to see that you did. Your stories for the three individual ponies were great. The Gildedale saga reminded me very much of Rohan. The Pronghorn adventure seemed pretty original. The Shimmerwood was basically Lothlorien for ponies. The last wasn't original, but I did really enjoy the philosophical dialogue between the Lady of the Wood and Rarity. It wasn't too preachy, and it gave me something to think about. The climax of the trip was pretty epic. You did a great job with making the scope of it worthy of being the end to an epic story. Good job overall with the plot. There could be a couple of changes here and there, but overall it was pretty strong, not to mention long.
World Construction: The devices used to give your story world life were pretty good. The creatures created were pretty good. The Komaga were pretty cool, and up until you showed them, I was on the edge of my seat wondering about how they looked, acted, and how the inevitable encounter would play out. It was quite entertaining. The resolution with the Komaga was also pretty believable. I didn't think that you would be able to pull that off with a reasonable explanation. I was wrong. Ok, there are only a couple of things I take issue with in this story, and they belong in this section. Two devices just seemed kind of below par for this story. The cave at the beginning and the world snake just did not mesh well. The balrog explanation was just flimsy. Very flimsy. I understand that it was important to establish AJ's ability to see past illusion, but there could definitely have been a better explanation than a balrog. That's throwing in LOTR references while at the same time attributing something not of LOTR to that very reference. I slightly facepalmed when I saw that explanation. It was uncharacteristically weak for this story. Now the other part was the world snake. I understand that a final boss should be massive, gargantuan even. This is fine. The part about him being larger than mountains though while still engaging 3 ponies just doesn't quite work. To make it believable, you'd almost have to shrink him a bit. The picture of the fight in one's head just doesn't work too well with the parameters of size given. I'm sorry to say that, but it's kind of true. Also, the world snake thing was supposed to endanger everyone, but that threat never materialized. It would be great for a sequel, but I realize that to expect such a thing of you would be unreasonable on the part of your audience. You created a gigantic story as a fanfiction, and I couldn't possibly ask you to write another story of similar length and caliber (though I really wish that you would). That said, I really wish that the world snake element and the danger to millions element had been more fully explored. Other than that, no further criticism.
ReplyDeleteAll in all, I have to award this story a 6 out of 5 star rating. I may have had a couple of little complaints, but to hold that against a story that has so much good in it is completely unreasonable. Plus, no one can create a story that long and still have every little detail perfectly to one's liking. So yeah, I give this story the highest marks that I can.
To Jetfire: I am in awe of your dedication and story writing skill. I'll be watching for anything else you submit to EqD. You have created a masterpiece, and I'm sure none of your readers will ever forget the journey that you took them on.
Two Hundred Nineteen pages and I loved them all. If something that long can keep us hooked that well, the author's clearly doing something very right!
ReplyDeleteThis was a most excellent story. I had held off on reading it because I wasn't sure the Pony Epic would spark much interest in me, but now I recognize my mistake.
ReplyDeleteThis was a fantastic read, and now I hunger for more.
*fumes* I just finished reading this, wrote up a big long comment, and my browser ate it! Why cruel world, why!? I'll have to wait till tomorrow to re-type it unless I can figure out a way to dredge it out of the cache. :(
ReplyDeleteSo I just finished reading the story last night, second time writing this, so I hope I didn't forget anything. I read it in two sittings and I guess maybe I should have taken my time a little bit more, but the story was very compelling.
ReplyDeleteWhen I got to the end though, I wasn't quite sure how I would rate it. For the most part, I thought it was fantastic, however there were some parts I thought weren't quite so fantastic, and a couple parts I made me think "this can't be right." Only a couple, but they provoked a very strong reaction.
Normally, I try not to be too harsh in my criticisms, and I really did think the story was great overall, but in the interest of honesty, I'll try to go over some of the things I liked and some that I didn't.
The Good.
The setup was awesome. I laughed at all the antics during the festival, I was on the edge of my seat after the accident, and when they started discussing the hows and whys of the upcoming journey I was totally onboard. It really was a brilliant foundation, explaining why they couldn't just gimmick their way out of the situation.
The pacing at the start was great, and I especially liked the way it built up to the miniature peaks the Drakenridge Mountains and Gildedale. There was a sense of steadily increasing danger that kept me gripped and when I read the cutaway scene back in Ponyville, I knew I had to stick through it to the end, no matter what. In fact, the scene with Twilight and Pinkie Pie playing chess was particularly touching.
The descriptions were beautiful and vivid. I was really able to imagine myself being there, surrounded by the cold and wind, or standing amidst a sea of golden waves.
Applejack and Ashtail's relationship didn't feel contrived at all. I know that might not sound like much, but I rarely see relationships in stories that feel believable.
Applejacks solution to the Komaga problem was a sublime fusion of the two cultures. Her experience with their discipline. They were missing a piece of the puzzle, and it fit into the hole just right. Neither side was entirely wrong, neither side was entirely right (there was still the issue of whatever was scaring them towards everypony in the first place) but together they came up with a better solution. And it was one that played to the strengths of everypony's special talents.
The wrap up at the end, although I wondered what happened to the big bad, I couldn't help but smile at the symmetry of the whole thing. Imagining Celestia sitting down to read the same story I just finished.
Average.
ReplyDeleteBy the time the trio of heroines were leaving Gildedale, the story did slow down a bit and lost a bit of the punch that had driven it through the earlier chapters. It still wasn't bad, but there was a lot of exposition that seemed to be peripheral to the story. A lot of it was still interesting, but it lacked a certain feeling of relevance. Stuff about the past, stuff about special abilities that never really changed the course of events.
Although this may be an opinion of a highly personal nature, the high powered magic that showed up later in the story wasn't quite my cup of tea. Riding the lighting and all that seemed... out of place. It weakened the airtight nature of the original premise a bit, though it wasn't a game-breaker.
The notion of Twilight not believing in predictions struck me as a little bit odd. It worked in the context of the story certainly, but there was a whole episode about it. (Feeling Pinkie Keen was as much about how scientific law does not require an explanatory theory as long as it has empirical evidence and can successfully predict future events, as much as it was about the metaphysical limitations of human/pony perceptions of reality.) The Twilight I know is a mare of science, and science is practically nothing but predictions. Still, not really a strike against the story by itself.
The Bad.
ReplyDeletePronghorn racism. I couldn't believe that even most of the pronghorns were messengers. It seemed like I was reading about some exotic race of beings that were all alike, and it didn't sit well with me. Even the three pony types we know of have overlap and varying degrees of expression, like Fluttershy for example. And I figure you could have a Unicorn that is good at flying in flying machines, just as you could have an Earth Pony who is a great scholar of magic and can help craft magic items.
In contrast to Applejack's big moment, which was about learning truths about the situation, Rainbow Dash and Rarity's discoveries seemed like they amounted to being told by wiser, stronger beings that their way was wrong on some sort of cosmic scale of black and white truth.
On one hand, Rainbow Dash's lightning in the context of a simple pony was awesome, but in the context of some kind of universal cosmic truth, it seemed a little too convenient and a bit underwhelming. I appreciated some of the philosophical roots behind the dreaming, but I didn't feel that it made any connection to Rainbow Dash specifically. Rainbow Dash's dreams were always very important to her, so I was confounded when she had no answer for the question "what do you want?" She had always been shown to possess a good harmony between energy and rhythm, action and rest, so the answer of "being," really seemed like a non-answer to me. There was never any indication that she had not desired to "be," in the past that was holding her back.
On the other hand, I couldn't quite understand why sight was treated so much differently than the other senses. As an artist myself, I know that all the senses can be important. The fact that teleportation by sight was so horribly dangerous that it required a blanket accident proofing spell and was the cause of the whole journey in the first place, the solution to Rarity's teleportation was so simple that it made the unicorns back in Equestria seem not just flat out wrong, but criminally negligent as well. I mean, its not like Celestia had never been exposed to deer magic, or never had the opportunity to pass the tip along to one of her students. I think it might have gone better if Falalauria had instead helped her discover which combination of senses fit her best, rather than just saying "oh, the way deer do it is the better way."
Now, I know it seems like I wrote a lot about the bad, but really its just that they required more explanation than the other parts. I really did like the story as a whole and I never felt like I was wasting my time. I'd read it again if I had to make the choice over again. So I feel I should end this with a thank you. It was a pleasure.
this needs to be published. is there anyone else who could link me what every else this author has wrote?
ReplyDeleteEverything I can think of to say has already been said, so I'll keep it brief.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
This is quite possibly the single best piece of fan created literature I've ever seen. Hell it's the best thing I've read all year, and this is coming from a major bookworm! If you ever write a sequel I'd pay to read it.
@Jetfire
ReplyDeleteThis story was epic. And I mean truly epic. For something only meant to be fanfiction, it has surpassed quite a few books I've read! I shall post more if I can ever figure out how this strange posting system works.
I haven't started this story yet but the pictures all show Final Fantasy IV armor on our favorite ponies. I hope this is sort of Final Fantasy like but with ponies.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the story. But I have to whine about the ending. The whole thing with the world snake was just.... too much. I know it is kinda silly to argue about physics in the ponyverse where Rainbow Dash can pull a 1000 Gs and then some.... but seriously cmon... they were already in the mountains and then some 12+ mile high snake appears. That puts the head almost literally into space. No air to breath or fly in. Of course you can say well... on this world there is still enough atmosphere at that altitude... but you can't cause that would open up a whole new can of worms. Its hard to visualize all the fighting and struggeling at those dimensions. It would take Rainbow Dash like a minute at Mach 1 to reach the top. Yes she can and did ride lightning but wasn't she flying down without it? She didn't make a rainboom so that must have taken her several minutes to fly down. And considering all the other forces involved would probably make Einstein spin in his grave. Its just too big to not fail.
ReplyDeleteBut I hope there will be sequels or one shots. Like Ashtail suprising Applejack while he is on some diplomatic mission in Equestria. Or Rainbow Dash declining an offer to join the Wonderbolts cause she is way too awesome now to hang around with these slowpokes.
@Jetfire
ReplyDeleteWell, as I've at least found out how to consistently post via 'reply' (I have no idea what I'm doing wrong in the regular comment posting section), I'll note a few things here.
Firstly, I read the entire story in one sitting. I could not stop. Not even with Hurricane Irene bearing down on me here in NJ. I finished just before we lost Internet and power on Sunday morning. It was an excellent epic adventure, with beautifully vivid details and descriptions that hearkened to in homage the works of Tolkien (obviously a huge source of inspiration to you, given the poetry you altered to fit your tale!).
But, there are a couple of weaker areas I must point out. Now keep in mind these few criticisms are meant to be helpful, and I must honestly say I could never manage such a massive tale. But a few point of possible editing could help the story in a few places. Keep heart. Even Tolkien himself spent most of his life after first publishing LoTR editing the errors his many readers pointed out in letters to him, and those he discovered by himself as well.
A number of curious events are left unexplained. Even if their final reveal is meant for another story, they do need to be expounded upon to shore up their occurrence in this particular story, and strengthen the relevance of the events. The cave is the weakest among these and most needs attention, I think. There is simply too much given about its location and the mysterious thing within to go without explanation of some kind. Reflecting back upon that a little more, an indication that it will be revisited at least, would add to it an importance as more than just a plot device to reflect back upon as early evidence of Applejack's latent powers. As a few others have noted, the world snake is another, literally huge, plot point that needs a bit more to it. Twilight could explain that bit to the others, perhaps some mention of how it's being contained at present, at least temporarily (if a sequel is indeed planned). Next in importance, the stampeding lizards. What drove them to stampede every year at the same time? That does need a clear reason behind it. Large, powerful predatory creatures don't start stampeding for no reason, and I suspect an even bigger, MORE predatory reason or something dreadfully wicked. But, we already have a ready device in MLP: Ursa Majors. If they awoke from hibernation at that time of year, certainly those fearsome beasts would be more than enough to set the lizards to flight (meaning the 'fleeing' definition, rather than literal flying, of course!).
Finally, as a 'better' reason for Celestia's uninvolvement... heh heh heh... trollololo >:3 Celestia: "Oh yeah, well, actually I have some Beneviolets growing in my enchanted garden. But, heck, I KNEW this would make such a great story!" Everyone else: "DAMN YOU TROLLESTIA!!!" ;D
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteThe same here. Redwall books always hold me absolutely spellbound, and this was no exception. This... fic doesn't fit... BOOK does. This BOOK is easily one of the best reads I've ever had, Jetfire, and I hope more like it are inspired by you.
Okay, okay. I know it's been awhile since I said anything, but I was really busy. I can't remember much of what I last said or anything, but I knew I was on chapter 8 so I read it.
ReplyDeleteThe introduction of the Gildsdale ponies was a very entertaining chapter! Great tension as they rolled up in formation, and then the unfolding of their culture kept me interested and was very well done. I think I like the two characters introduced as well, both seeming to get across a personality that could be held on to and draw reader empathy.
I was a little questioning about the decision to make Rarity afraid of being armed, mostly because I remember that she was one of the first to proudly buck a manticore in the face. Though, there is a difference between preparing for war and reacting to danger that I can appreciate. So, it didn't strike me as out of character, but I could easily see Rarity take on a tougher persona that would be fitting.
Not very often do I really get engrossed in books. They have to have a great world, believable characters, and most importantly, well-made plot progression. That is exactly what this fanfic (or book as it should be called) has.
ReplyDeleteOne other story that did this for me was Lord of the Rings, and as I read through this, I instantly was reminded of the epicenes of Tolkien's masterpiece. Jetfire has woven in some great parts of LotR, but morphed them just enough to fit perfectly with the pony-universe.
Looking back, I see a very well written plot execution, and great character development. The only part about the characters the bugged me was the trio come back with these amazing powers. It kind of leaves the cast unbalanced, unless of course, SEQUAL! :D
The lands outside of Equestria are very well made, and believable. I love how they all relate to places like Rohan, and the elves. Great way to engross someone like me who can't stop watching/reading Lord of the Rings. I just wish that we could see these lands in the official episodes, but I have a feeling whatever they come up with (if they do) won't be as epic as this.
--SPOILERS--
The last chapters honestly were not as good as the others. Don't get me wrong, they are amazing, but not emotion evoking like the first 2/3rds of the book is. The World Snake was a great ending, but honestly, in my head, I couldn't even imagine a 10 mile long snake. When Rarity was on its head, I kinda was tricked into thinking that this snake wasn't much larger than a large apartment building.
BUT, on from that, it was still amazingly exciting and gripping. The FINAL thing that bothered me was the abrupt stop to the World Snake. ....about to die.... ....about to die.... ....about to die.... .....Twilight Shows up: "Hi guys, let’s get out of here."..... Maybe had you have had a section showing Twilight eating the flower, and during that, maybe had another one of those "fits" alerting her, and everyone else there that the trio or heroes was in trouble?
--/SPOILERS--
After getting that off my chest, I read though the rest till the end, and all the way though had chills. Not the sad/scary type, but the type when something really good has happened. It seems to affect me whenever I finish a great book or movie, and yours did just that. It fulfilled itself in not only the BEST MLP fan-fiction ever, but it was ONE of the BEST things I've read EVER!
Congrats man, you deserve it and much more. Thank you for this AMAZING story. You have to get out there and do something with it though. It deserves more. I hope you succeed in any other endeavors that you take.
Congratulations - 5 BUCKING STARS!
~Taeglan
I skipped over this because Twi wasn't the centrepiece and wasn't being given the chance to use AWESUM POWAH. How wrong I was.
ReplyDeleteBy Chapter 5 I wanted to read more. By Chapter 8 I was hooked. By 10 I was convinced of its greatness.
I read the whole thing in one sitting. It's now 5:21 AM, I should have been asleep hours ago, and I don't mind at all. This is a great big savoury slab of fantasy adventure and I love it.
(Post 666 - hee)
@Jetfire
ReplyDeleteI just sent a request to your email for material permissions.
Otherwise, I have....absolutely no possible word nor action that could describe how I feel about this story. The Dreaming scene almost made me cry at how beautifully it was written! I had a more powerful connection with this story than I have ever had with any other story, pony or not! This deserves 7-stars and should be archived or printed or something!
@Jetfire Heh, wrong reply link.... =P See above...
ReplyDeleteCould you post this on ff.net please?
ReplyDeleteGoogle docs keeps crashing my browser lately.
While on ff.net it works just fine and does not crash.
More than awesome enough to be "Ponies: The Movie".
ReplyDeleteBravo, Jetfire, bravo. Simply amazing.
Wow. Just... wow.
ReplyDeleteI read this a month ago and I still can't come up with anything meaningful to say about it.
Five stars.
Well, apparently Celestia's got the same problem I do. She really should be sleeping, but she can't, because she can't stop reading the great story.
ReplyDeleteI think the thing I loved most about this story was, aside from all the individual references to LOTR, it matched the theme so wonderfully. LOTR were the books that originally convinced me that a story could still be excellent without relying on plot twists. This felt like an "epic" in the same way - no big surprises, but rather a steadily increasing emphasis on emotional and metaphoric themes.
ReplyDeleteI also thought that was a clever little zinger you included at the end, with Celestia deciding to read the story because she didn't need sleep anyway. How can anything be more fitting for bronies?
@Anonymous
To the people offering valid criticisms, and especially you, Anon: I've gotta say, thank you for coming out and saying all this. I for one loved the story to death, but sometimes find that comment threads like this one end up turning into one big circlejerk where dissenters get attacked for expressing their views. I'm afraid you might need to Stand Firm to not get swarmed over by the "7 stars" crowd, though!
Wow. Finally finished this thing and it was great. I really love how the author explained everything so well in a plausible sense. (like the gift of the queen of shimmerdale) So glad i got to read this. Thank you so much jetfire.
ReplyDeleteSuch a fine story. Thank you for the wonderful read and I will continue to think about this story for a long time to come.
ReplyDeleteAlright... Now how about somepony compile all the chapters into one ebook and maybe get somepony like scorch238 to do an audiobook version. In fact Why hasn't somepony started putting together a make shift company to produce and publish these books yet? Maybe it's time I step in. I just need volunteers since there's no way to sell these items at this time. That is unless we start talking to Hasbro about letting us publish.
ReplyDelete..wow. Like some other reviewers, I wasn't quite sure what I'd be getting into.
ReplyDeleteIt's a dangerous business, reading the first chapters. The story goes ever on. And I had to plow through to the end.
Fully deserving of all its praise.
I'm just flabbergasted. The show itself amazes me every episode with how well they avoid the usual pitfalls and turn out fun and interesting stories that this older, male viewer can enjoy...
ReplyDelete... but this story was just indescribable. I can't think of anything else to say. I have always enjoyed and appreciated how fanfics can give so much depth and detail to their worlds, that their parent franchise just can't always do justice to. And this one takes the cake. I'm not sure I want to bother with any other fics after this one, you have spoiled me!
I feel bad that I have just started reading this one.
ReplyDeleteThe first chapter was really good and I love the cliff hanger. It was a great place to end that one.
Thank you for this, very few stories either original or fan fiction leave me with such a feeling of having read something completely amazing.
ReplyDeleteI took a while to sit down and read this, but, like Bilbo said, "It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door, you step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to."
And so it is with this story, once you start reading it, it takes you far away and you come back changed.
So, thanks again for this wonderful adventure.
@icekatze
ReplyDeleteActually, the sight vs. touch thing made sense to me. You can misjudge distances, especially if you aren't looking at where you're teleporting via sight.
If it's by touch... it's pretty easy to distinctly remember not being in a wall, so touch makes a lot of the safeguards redundant.
Maybe the fact is more that unicorns, I suppose, more easily grasp the concept of sight teleportation over touch. Rarity's unique talents made touch-porting more her style.
Celestia teaching all unicorns to now touch-port instead of sight-porting would be like teaching the US to adapt the metric system. It doesn't matter how beneficial the change would be... it's not happening.
Anyway, I'm still surprised so many people have a problem with them disappearing at the end. A sequel is OBVIOUS.
ReplyDeleteThe deer god-queen stated that AJ, RD and Rarity were going to threaten the lives of thousands of living beings. They have now done that by waking up a world snake and not dealing with the consequences of shooting it in the eyes with lightning and etc.! I have a feeling those deer are set to flee now that the world snake is raging and destroying the mountain range overlooking their home.
Anyway, for the record, I read this in three days. Pretty good story, if a pit preachy. I wish Rarity's segment had lasted at least nearly as long as Applejack's, and Rainbowdash's had had more buildup regarding her lightning issues. At the very least the armor given to Rarity could have seemed a little less like an afterthought. "Oh, we just made these last night" indeed. And why would the deer all wear armor so often, anyway, when they are 1: not at war, and 2: can summon it instantly if necessary?
At least AJ's armor MEANT something. Rainbowdash's lightning sigels, too. Rarity's entire ordeal boiled down to little but getting over a fear and sense of guilt she'd had for less than a week. More thought could and should have been put into that :/
8/10
Ok, so I made it through half of chapter 3, and I ran into an issue. Now that ive read some comments, i see that this story is going LotR, so I get it, but really its the same plothole that series had. You know how Rainbow is concerned that taking anyone with her who can't fly would take too long? Did they just completely forget somepony invented Chariots for just such an occaision? But like I said, its like LotR, why didn't they just fly the whole way on the giant eagles.
ReplyDeleteThe eagles would get attacked by the Nazgul and possibly drop the ring bearer.
ReplyDeleteIn this story, perhaps the chariots don't want to go beyond Equestria's borders. Also, they might be really expensive!
It truly is "a tale worthy of the Royal Archives, a grand story of endurance, courage, and hope."
ReplyDeleteLove the end ,since its probably true that as a Godess Celestia could have done so much to help Twilight,and probably has the Beneviolet growing somewhere since they said that while rare horn rot can happen.
So they would need to have the means to cure it.
The ending is really one where you should write a sequel , simply because they woke up a giant monster and made it mad,just to leave.
The monster could do anything,but least likely go back to sleep.
Man I loved this fic! Sure there's some stuff you can nitpick if you want. But I was too caught up with feeling the old LOTR vibe (not so much from where the inspiration came from as just the whole long trip of adventure FEEL). Really I was having too much fun reading this to stop and think what parts could have been done better. Really a must-read for anyone who enjoyed the LOTR books and also enjoy ponies.
ReplyDeleteThe english language was not DESIGNED TO CONTAIN THIS KIND OF AWSOME!
ReplyDeleteP.S We kind of woke up a world snake. Sorry
ReplyDeletePrincess Celestia: YOU DID WHAT?
Awesome story all around.
Great read... pretty much read the whole fic in about 6 hours spread over 2 days. The BEST MLP:FiM fic I have read... granted I have not read a lot.
ReplyDeleteAs pointed out by other readers ... there are parts that I felt were never wrapped up in this story that I hope could be touched up on in another "Epic" Sequel to this fanfic.
There was enough foreshadowing in the "Rarity powers" portion of the story that absolutely screams sequel to me. Basically the story revealed the secrets of 3 out of the elements of Harmony... this leaves room for the other 3 to get their stories and gifts expanded upon. Not to mention the unresolved smaller issues in some portions of the story as well as the obvious big one at the end.
Can't help but feel the whole thing could of been avoided if they Just went to Celestia in the first place. :P But then what fun of a story would that be. Celestia pretty much said so herself that they could of avoided all that trouble to begin with. But that's one awesome little trinkets the story has. The final chapter involving Celestia's comments was great.
I would love to read a direct epic sequel to this story.. but like other readers it should not be done based on the readers demands but of the author's own desires. A story written out of ones own willingness would yield a better story than one done out of obligation to the readers.
This is the best thing I have had the pleasure to read in my entire life.
ReplyDeleteeventually, i finished the last chapter of this fanfic. And it was simply amazing, probably the best story i've ever read on this site.
ReplyDeleteAlright.. finally finished it and I have to say it's one of the best fics I have read, Bravo. I really want to know what happens in the rest of the world though so I'm hoping there's a continuation. And apart from some gripe about what happened to the Snake, Perfect story.
ReplyDeleteThis is the best fanfiction - let alone one of the best stories, period - I have ever read. I laughed, I cried, I gasped, I sighed, and everypony stayed perfectly in character. Thank Celestia for an author as talented as yourself.
ReplyDeleteDid I not post a comment yet?? D:
ReplyDeleteI LOVE this story to DEATH. One of if not the BEST fanfics on this site. Worth every second I spent reading it. 6Stars all the way, if I could, 7Star.
Oh and hey, Jetfire, I sent you a message on the PonyFictionArchive.net, with a quick question about incorporating some elements from this story into my new one. The message should have my email included. Hoping to hear back from you!
I only have one thing to say about this and I will quote Dash in saying it *coughs dramatically* ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH
ReplyDeleteThis story is freaking EPIC!!!
also screw stars where is the option to give you 7 Dashes?
ReplyDeleteone last thing, and this is about your last words of the story. No thank YOU!!! you did extremely well with this story, from ensuring that all the characters remained within their characterizations while still allowing them to change, to communicating this amazing story, hell if it weren't for some of the more mature themes I would say this should be made into a few episodes. Again thank you for telling us this wonderful story.
ReplyDeleteWow...
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading this story after being linked to it a few days ago. It was well worth every second, and then some. This had been one of the best stories I've ever read in my life - not just fanfic, but overall.
The entire story was beautiful. I felt sad, worried, angry, happy. Multiple scenes just tore at my heart. I was able to picture every scene vividly in my head, and I could almost feel the action occurring.
I read this over the course of three days, and with every chapter I've read, I found it increasingly difficult to close my browser as this story was just so exciting, I couldn't stand the strain of wondering what happened next.
Also, Jetfire, it wasn't until I was around half way through reading this story when I realized you also wrote "A Day for Spike and Twilight". I was introduced to MLP at the very end of July, and that story was one of the, if not the, first fanfics I've ever read. That story was also very beautiful and heartwarming, and I definitely credit it as being one of the things that helped me come to love this wonderful fandom.
Thank you :)
If you do publish a novel, good sir, I would not think twice about buying a copy.
This was literally the best fanfiction I've ever read, and up there as one of the best stories I've ever read, competing with series like the Bartimaeus Trilogy and The Great Tree of Avalon. It was just SO GOOD, through and through. As cliche as it may sound, the worst part was that it had to end!
ReplyDelete...though, honestly, as much as I loved this story (and I can't stress that part enough), the ending seemed a little bit anticlimactic to me. I feel like it needed a little bit more falling action at the very end, as the epic climax didn't really get much of a chance to settle back down. Also, it bugged me a little bit that nopony actually DID anything about the "final boss" - you'd think that they would be a bit more concerned about letting Princess Celestia know about it, or at least make sure that it wasn't going to, y'know, blow up half of the world in anger.
so.....there's going to be a sequel right? right?
ReplyDeleteI just finished the story...
ReplyDeleteHoly Celestia, that was awesome. Long as hell, and a bit too much was lifted from Tolkien for my tastes (I love Tolkien, but I also like having nothing to compare a story to), but this is the best fic I've read by far, and one of the best stories I've read, period. Now someone just needs to animate it.
@swicked
ReplyDeleteThat might make sense if unicorn teleportation required you to look at where you were going, but actually seeing something and judging distance doesn't play a part in it. You're visualizing the location in your mind.
@Stephen Cawking
On pronghorn similarity: Chapter 12.
“So this is a thing all pronghorns do?” Dash asked.
“Nearly all of them, yes,”
I guess not understanding why british stereotypes "riding the lightning," is such a big deal is part of why I didn't enjoy that part? Maybe if I knew what it was referencing...
I'm not gonna lie, I cried during parts of this. This was one of the most amazing things I have ever read, and probably will ever read! No doubt its the best pony fanfic ever written. It has been a while since I've read it (July right after the last update was when I first picked it up), and I'm actually reluctant to touch it again for fear that it will lose some of the magic! I love it. Plain and simple. Excellent work.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jetfire!
ReplyDeleteHaving just completed your awesome story I am really impressed! The fantasy elements were masterfully arrayed and it was superb to experience the myriad of cultures in such an in-depth manner. I loved the theme of personal growth and it was fabulous to see.
As others have said, I laughed, cried and rejoiced with the ponies. You truly have a gift and I feel blessed for reading your tale and having this experience.
Your are truly the Gold Standard. I've learnt much from you. Thank you!
Fear Not - Shield Maiden. Keep Calm - Niles Nigellus. Have Faith - Falalauria. EPICNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh gosh, this was freakin' awesome! Where do I begin? That was just a really cool adventure, with everything fitting nicely together. All I can say is...
ReplyDelete...will there be a sequel?
This was a very enjoyable read.
ReplyDeleteThe depiction of each pony's personality is masterfully done especially for the main three of the story. The individual character development for Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity is believable and endearing. And not only does this story do complete justice to each of the characters, it also makes the land of Equestria and the world surrounding it an even more compelling place.
Thank you Jetfire.
I don't think I can find words to describe this story that haven't been used by so many others before, but I want you to know that I truly enjoyed everything.
ReplyDeleteAnd even more remarkable you predicted the Pegasi immunity to cold! I'm not sure if anyone else noticed, but in the latest episode about the founding of Equestria, when the blizzards raged the Earth Ponies were cold, the Unicorns were cold and hungry, but the Pegasi were only hungry, not cold. Congratulations, Pegasi being immunity to cold is now cannon and you predicted it first!
Having read several comments there is not a whole hell of a lot that I can say that has not already been much more eloquently put than I have the time/patience to compose. Instead of going off on some long winded much deserved epic praise I shall only state that your story(For a fanfiction, no disrespect intended) is the equivalent of a story written by the likes of my all time favorite Author Terry Goodkind.
ReplyDeleteGiven the sheer level of Non-Cannon content not to mention several subtle hints at "Things to come" I can only hope that you will write another story set in this same continuity.
Where has this story been all my life!?
ReplyDeleteIt was EPIC and I love the parallels to LotR!
Plot holes be DAMMED! This was a FANTASTIC ADVENTURE!
Anxiously awaiting the sequel!
This is a very, VERY well-done story, and I enjoyed every moment of it. So much so, that I read through the whole thing twice.
ReplyDeleteI actually have a small request, Jetfire. If you have no objections, I'd like to begin work on an MST of this story. By that, I mean I'd make a story about the Mane 6 reading this very story, and learning more about themselves.
Send me an email at [email protected] if you have no objections, or even if you do. I'll be looking forward to your response!
Well I just finished reading this in two days, I'm sure I can't add much criticism or praise to this story considering there's over 700 comments already.
ReplyDeleteBut I felt compelled to at least leave a message and thank the author for the great read.
I tried to write a fic for the first time ever about half a year ago, but gave up after a while. This has inspired me to try again, and I think now I have the courage to finish it, even if it turns out to be rubbish.
Again thanks for the great read, this and the Silent Ponyville stories are by far my favorites. I'll be looking out for more stories by you if you ever decide to write some more.
If you've seen my other posts, you know I do extremely long review posts. Some stories, on the other hand, just leave me nearly speechless. This is one of them. I have underestimated myself at times.
ReplyDeleteI want to point out that I absolutely loved the descriptions given. I could picture the world around me as I read, and I could see everything happening. I'm also a guy who loves to expand his vocabulary at any chance, and this story had so many descriptive words I didn't know, my reading app is now filled with new dictionary terms.
The similarity of this story to Lord of the Rings isn't too bad. I admit, I had wondered why this wasn't counted as a crossover story due to the almost copied races of the Daleponies and Deer to Rohan and Elves. It got to a point where all the names made me a little annoyed, especially when Fala started to tell age-old stories of dark lords and monsters. Then she goes crazy, and almost kills Rarity. I spotted that a mile away. By the way, the Fellowship book doesn't go as far as the movie with Galadriel going crazy. This was the apex of the crossover. On the other hand, this story was significantly different from Lord of the Rings, only drawing "elements" and "themes" from Tolkien. It didn't take the story at all. Now ask yourself, what fantasy story HASN'T taken elements and themes from Tolkien? I'm also in the middle of reading The Silmarillion. Boy is it a hard read, but it's filled with lore.
The character development. Wow. Beautiful. Comparing the end of the story with the beginning, I never would've guessed the closeness of the 3 ponies. I want to write more on this, but really, the work shows for itself. One scene seemed WAY out of place. When Applejack turns to berate Dash for not asking Niles for help. She seemed to fly off the handle there, and is definitely not how I think she would act. The whole scene seemed like a horribly forced means of creating conflict and tension within the group. The conflict is quickly extinguished, though.
The new magical powers. First off, I was glad to see another author put forth Earth Pony magic. I hate to see Earth Ponies as powerless inferiors to unicorns and pegasi. Now I saw a few comments that were a bit negative about the overpowered magic the ponies learned, especially Dash's lightening. I disagree, well, now I do. At first, I thought the lightning was overpowered. By the time Rarity learned to teleport, I understood that it is not overpowered. Why? The elements of harmony.
ReplyDeleteThe Elements of Harmony. Giving the element holders a special power also adds something great. It levels the playing field with Twilight Sparkle. There was something I was speculating when reading the deer chapters. Twilight's element is Magic, right? This means she has the ability to cast strong magic. Celestia saw this in Twilight's youth, and "raised" her to take advantage of the Magic Element, just as Fala helped our 3 heroines learn theirs. This is why I don't think Rarity's foresight, Applejack's truthsight, and Dash's charisma are overpowered at all. That is just their element giving them power like it does Twilight. Their other powers they gain also simply level the playing field against Twilight. I hate thinking Twilight can solve every problem with her magic, setting her high above the Mane 6. (That Deus Ex Machina ending with Twilight was staggering, sorry. I was actually expecting Celestia to show up.)
What else, what else. Oh yeah! The lightning network. I had so much fun with that chapter when reading it in my head. I read every line by Niles in Maccer's voice from GTA: San Andreas, and every one of Clyde's lines with Kent Paul's from the same game. They have my favorite British voices. I just had a generic female British voice for Audrey. Here's Kent Paul and Maccer. Maccer has the thicker accent. (Naughty words inbound.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPIqZ8B4_hc
Not much else to say. I guess this was a long post. Thanks for writing this story. I really enjoyed it this past week. Amazement, fear, heartwarming, and many more emotions ran when reading this. This story truly deserves 6 stars. Thank you for writing it, and pulling our heartstrings with your beautiful writing.
@Jetfire:
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for putting so much effort into writing this.
I think that the fight with the Jormungand (I think that's how you spell world-snake) was the most awesome and beautiful climax I have ever read. All of the bits of the story came together in that moment. Rarity's inspirational speech, in particular, was awe-inspiring. She was channeling so much fighting spirit, I wouldn't have been surprised had she said that hers was the horn that would create the heavens. That speech would have done Kamina and Simon proud!
I also loved the references to The Lord of the Rings, particularly the expies of Lóthlorien and Lady Giladriel and the real deerish rope that AppleSamwise got for a present.
And then there was the worldbuilding...where to begin? You created new nations and species for the world. You gave the world a past and an apocalypse using the deer. You made the Elements of Harmony way cooler, giving us a meaty sequel hook should you ever choose to follow up on it.
I thought the foreshadowing sprinkled throughout the story was a really nice touch, too. That bit with mentioning that the unicorn horn-sword (or whatever it was) was of deerish make was particularly masterful.
And then, sly dog that you are, you used Rarity's method of teleportation relying on sensation as an excellent excuse to throw in a bit of scenery porn. That stuff is fun to write, and you made it a joy to read as well.
Whatever anybody else might say, this story is joining my personal top-tier of fanfics (or really, written works. This fandom has produced the most amazingly well done writings I have ever read): the tier where everything on it is so awesome in its own way that I cannot compare it to anything else, forget about ranking them. It is permanently enshrined next to Fallout: Equestria, Past Sins, and Through the Eyes of Another Pony. I can only hope that this conveys how much respect I have for you, good sir or madam. I tip my towering pillar of hats to you.
One thing I forgot to mention: this story is the only work of fiction to make me shed manly tears aside from Past Sins.
ReplyDeleteThis was one of the first MLP fanfics i read when I became a fan back in september and, I must say, what a way to start my obsession. I thought this story was amazingly fun and well written and kept my attention throughout--so many of these stories I just end up skimming, i must say. I loved your characterizations and world building.
ReplyDeleteI only had a couple of tiny quibbles regarding Rainbow Dash, who is my favorite character of the show. I have never seen her portrayed as a gluttonous eater in any of the episodes--only Pinkie Pie seems to carry that distinction--and in Sonic Rainboom she called her class of ponies pegasi, so she obviously knew the correct terminology. As a pegasus, it seemed she WOULD know this and another pony, like Pinkie again, would be more likely to constantly mess it up. I understand that, towards the end, she was really just doing it to irk Rarity, but still...
All in all, this is probably my favorite of the fanfics so far and one that I have suggested to my Idabronies group as a MUST READ!! Bravo!
Just finished it after a two day reading binge. Very enjoyable and an extremely well written piece. In fact it's one of the finest fanfics I have ever read. Well done Jetfire and thank you for sharing your vision with us all.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteFrom my comment on FanFiction.net:
ReplyDelete"... This... Really can't put into words how awesome this story is. I severely hope you plan on writing another story. I love how you blended elements of the Lord of the Rings into it (as well as Norse mythology if I'm not mistaken) and how well you developed the characters. There have been a great number of stories that I've read that I really enjoyed, both published and fan fiction, but I must say that this one might very well be my all time favorite. Job well done. I'll be keeping my eyes open looking and hoping for a sequel!"
Adding to that: I have say that I haven't found my self so engrossed in a story since I first read the Lord of the Rings, your story will be joining the only two other fan fics that I printed out (stories I enjoy to read this much I like to reap on paper).
Edit: Also I thought that this information would add to just how awesome this story is:
Approximate word counts of:
The Fellowship of the Ring: 187k
The Two Towers: 155k
The Return of the King: 131k
Total: 473k
From one author to another, this is the best fan-fiction I have ever read. Granted, I haven't really read that many, but that should go even further to show you how picky I am. This adventure story was absolutely riveting from the moment I started it to the moment I finished it.
ReplyDeleteIf you were to print this in a similar manner as the author of "Past Sins" has done, I would happily buy it and display it proudly on my book shelf for future re-reads. Thank you for the adventure. It was truly a treasure. I pray that the future might hold a continuation of the story.
Speechless. Some of the best reading material I've had in years.
ReplyDeleteI especially like Chapter 13. The descriptions of the Dreaming touched me deeply, and I know for you to have written that, you must have had a deep spiritual metamorphosis of the same caliber described. Your description of spiritual metamorphosis touched me deeply, reminding me of my own metamorphosis. When writing reminds me of who I truly am, I know the inspiration comes from God himself!
I can happily say that this now is one of my favorite fan fictions across all genres. I immediately drew parallels to the Lord of the Rings, and when I read "The road goes ever on" in one of the early chapters, I had the good foresight to dig up my old Lord of the Rings Complete collection soundtracks. This fan fiction has touched me in such a way that I was happily whisked away back to the first times I read those books and saw those films. So many tracks meshed so well with their respective chapters, and I'd honestly like to thank you for giving me this experience in a whole new way. I hope you intend to write again, because you have an excellent talent for it, and a mind is a terrible thing to waste.
ReplyDeleteHands down one of the best stories I've ever read.
ReplyDeleteThis is one of the best, most epic stories I've read. I'd REALLY like to see a sequel, especially given the many references to long reaching consequences. I really hope that the other main 3 get a story of some kind, giving them some extra significance, given that AJ can now use Power Word: Stubborn aka PW: No You, RD can ride lightning, and Rarity can start predicting the future/whatever else she can do (She didn't really get a lot from this.)
ReplyDeleteNot sure where I saw the link to go read this, but I am damn grateful I did. Wonderful story, and I would love to see more in this particular pony world.
ReplyDeleteAlso, thanks to those above that mentioned Past Sins.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteRead this over the course of two days and I'm so glad I did, The author must have an incredible imagination to think up of such an awesome world outside of Equestria.
ReplyDeleteAll of the things that AJ, RD and Rarity achieve together and what they learn about each other during the course of the story just made that bond they formed by the end so awesome.
It's sad to see this not get as much attention as the other big adventure fics (Past sins, Fallout: Equestria etc) because it deserves so much more. Thank you Jetfire for writing this, it was a fantastic story and will be staying in my favourites tab forever.
Really hope to see more from you on here.
Cheers-
Tyran
Second read through, and it was just as good. Some parts were even better this time.
ReplyDeleteWow. This was an amazing, inspiring story.
ReplyDeleteThis is *by far* the best MLP fic I've ever read. You managed to keep the innocence that is inherent to the source material and build upon it. You turned it into something that's enjoyable for adults *on an adult level*.
ReplyDeleteI loved the play between AJ, Dash and Rarity - I think they were really true to character and I loved the growth they all went through.
I sent a link of your story to a friend of mine so she could read it. More people need to experience this tale! It's really just that good.
Just weighing in, having read this story for the first time:
ReplyDeleteMagnificent. Dear sir, I hope you continue writing, because if you do, I will continue reading them. You have made a fan out of me, and you have fleshed this already wonderful magical world into something truly awe inspiring and inordinately complex.
Sincerely,
TLTD
Just finished reading it over the course of some weeks, and I must say, it was one of the most incredible journeys I had ever.
ReplyDeleteThis is, by far, the best fiction I've read mlp or not. This, is sheer brilliance, a masterful piece of artwork crafted by an amazingly skilled author, a story that will linger in the back of my mind for the years to come.
Thank you Jetfire and god bless your writing talents.
Angry Rarity is best Rarity =D
ReplyDeleteAlso, this is a great story, which I can only recommend.
ok just finished chapter three and... why don't they just message Tia and ask if she has any? or send a detachment of pegasi with them? After all, Twilight is the leader of the Elements of Harmony, and her personal student-student of magic no less.
ReplyDeleteI doubt that Tia wouldn't have one in the first place though, considering that she's been around thousands of years and undoubtedly seen horn rot before.
Wow. Just wow. I've never been one for fanfics. Even the popular 'My Little Dashie' failed to compel me to read through its entirety. This... novella of a story, I have read leisurely over the span of a week.
ReplyDeleteI loved it.
This depicts our favourite ponies very much in character, whilst expanding on the universe and treating the audience as adults. At first, I disliked the scenes with the Komogas, the depiction of death made me feel... awkward. No one dies in my little pony. They're either fine, or end up hurt for an episode.
But then I thought, this is a more adult story. Let's approach this rationally, Celestia's sun guards DO carry spears in some scenes. A polearm is a weapon designed to cause bleeding and death. Simply because such elements are not seen in the series, does not mean they don't exist in the world.
Seeing it this way, I was better able to focus on how these events effected our innocent cast.
Dash has long been my favourite pony. So confident. So strong. Courageous, loyal and always brave. The scene that describes her past, her mentor... I cried. Truly as hard as I could I cried. I felt so touched to think of how such events would really be... This is a true masterwork.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeletethis is a wonderfull story reminding me a bit of the lord of the rings trilogy
this story sure does feel like its able to compete against those of writing famous stories
good job
@jetfire i hope you don't mind i use gildedale as part of a story i'm writing?
ReplyDeleteI became aware of the series after finding Derpy on deviantART, and I thought my attraction towards Rainbow Dash led me to think that she was the lead character. Over the month and a half I've delved into MLP, I grew to love and resent RD in ways I have trouble explaining. She exhibits everything I as a flawed human being lack and that isn't in her abilities, but her love and devotion to one's friends. Before reading this fan fiction I have nearly went bankrupt over the idea of being jealous and envious towards a cartoon character. When Firefly came about, I soon found new admiration for RD. Her pain was what needed to be exposed, and which is why I feel if the actual series had any appeal to the others besides bronies and pegasisters, they need to step out of their comfort zone and reveal who and what these ponies truly are. Many who claim RD is the best pony overlook the fact that she would not tolerate people bashing her friends for being anything less than her. There is no comparison. Especially when it comes to Firefly.
ReplyDeleteThis story was amazing. I started it back maybe 6 months ago and it's been in a tab on my phone ever sense because school keep me so busy, but I was finally able to finish it just now and I havta say one of the best stories ive read. The Firefly story and Rainbow seeing her again made me year up a lot and the ending also. But how you made the characters act like them selves but grow was so awesome and while I knew they would save her I really didn't see the end coming lol. But my I sure do wish it would explain what happened with the world snake cuz I mean it is a world snake I don't see it not causing harm to many things or I guess it could of just gone back to sleep but I would of like to seen Celestia go to talk to hammer hoof and the lady of the deer or what happened to the shimmerwoods but i understand that that's not what the story was about :) the message behind this story was quite powerful also it made me miss my friends. But thank you for writing this amazing story it was totally worth all the time :D
ReplyDeleteI want to see "loopy" Rainbowdash.
ReplyDeleteYou are a spectacular author, by the way.
The whole world snake battle reminded me of a Dragon Ball Z fight. what with the entire mountains crumbling and AJ cracking the surface of the earth practically. Was just missing a Rainbow Dash spirit bomb, but made of lightning, to throw at its head to fill the massive plot hole of what happened to it.
ReplyDeleteAlso just one little thing, in chapter 5, or page 22 in the .doc, (control F) “Hmmm... I wonder if we'll see any big, strapping stallions,” Rarity remarked offhand. “A bit of primitivism can be attractive in a man if he doesn't take himself too seriously.”
Man should be instead, colt? stallion? but yeah, it was enough to make me stop and look back. It didn't however, keep this story from being one of the best i've read. Seriously how are you not like published or something? After the first chapter I was hooked. Hell, I didn't even finish the last harry potter book cause the first chapter...bleh. Anyways, I won't be the last one to say, great job, loved every second of it.
This is one of the most amazing fanfics I've ever read.
ReplyDeleteI must say after hearing so much positive about this fanfiction, i decided to give it a read. I have no clue why people are praising this as the best fic ever written. It was average at best. Especially the ending which was very anti-climatic.
ReplyDeleteGuess i'm back to waiting for the final chapter of The Immortal Game again.
woot an epic level story in Where the World ends universe this will keep me busy untill the main story comes out
ReplyDeleteGreat story! Or atleast the first half of it. Was disgusted by the last three chapters, mainly because everything at that point was either completly predictable or downright impossible, and the unexpected bold/italics to emphasise things grew annoying very fast.
ReplyDeleteAnd let's not talk about the end of chapter 18 where you must have spilled a whole damn barrel of phlebotinum on Twilight. Seriously? Teleporting hundreds, if not thousands, of miles with no effort after having been half-way through death's door mere minutes ago? The explanation being the flower "supercharged her magic", when any lesser one wouldn't even have been enough to cure her? Talk about Deus ex Machina.
This is the greatest fanfic I have ever red. It far surpasses any fic and I wish it would be made into a full length book
ReplyDeleteThis is the fanfic by which I judge almost all others (though I admit that's a tad unfair).
ReplyDeleteYou know, Jetfire, we haven't heard anything from you in a while. How is that full sequel coming along? Are you working on any other projects?
Also, with Past Sins being given actual publication, I seriously think you should consider submitting this to Equestria Publications for similar treatment. It's totally worth it.
I.
ReplyDeleteI...
I....
I can't. I CAN'T. AAAAHHH.
great story 5/5 hoping for a sequel!
ReplyDeleteGreetings from 2013
ReplyDeleteNot hoping for a sequel. Nothing needs to happen to this masterpiece of a fic.
Just finished reading the story again, though the plot twists were not as suprising as the first read through (even though it was over a year and a half ago i last read this),this is still by far one of the best pony fanfics! I dont particularly want a sequel, i dont think the ending allotted for one. but i would most DEFINITELY want to see this person or somepony else write another adventure story THIS amazing!
ReplyDeleteAlright, I'll tell you why I AM hoping for a sequel.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, he said he was working on one. It's in the comment section of "A Day for Spike and Twilight Sparkle." If he said he was going to do it, then I'd expect him to do it.
Secondly, both this story and "Spike and Twilight" actually made room for one by raising some questions that heretofore remain unanswered. In the style of Tolkien, it hints at a much larger world and deeper history that what's presented, and I would love to see this followed up upon. There's enough room for another plot.
Thirdly, as he seemed to be hinting at in the text, I'd like to see the rest of the Main 6 involved. The focus od this story served its purpose, but now I want to see those left behind get a day in the limelight.
"Effective communication is the cornerstone of successful business relationships." commercial construction services
ReplyDelete