Author: Jetfire
Description: When an accident leaves Twilight Sparkle seriously ill, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity must undertake a perilous journey to find her a cure. What adventures await them beyond Equestria's borders?All Chapters after the Break!
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 1
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 2
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 3
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 4
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 5
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 6
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 7
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 8
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 9
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 10
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 11
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 12
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 13
Ir's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 14
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 15
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 16
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 17
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 18
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 19
Besides the Will of Evil (New - Sequel)
Additional Tags: Adventure, Epic, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash
Full Revised Story Download (New!)
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746 comments:
Wow, that was quite the chapter. Though, a slight nit to pick, the Dreaming sequence seems a bit too telegraphed, but otherwise, a very moving and astounding part.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to see what's in store for Rarity. The whole journey wouldn't be complete until she unlocks something new within her too.
That was goooooood.
ReplyDeleteI've changed the color of Audrey's words; they're now closer to gold. I've also changed her color in the Dreaming from straight yellow to gold, because 'gold, green, and gray' flows better.
ReplyDelete>Ride the lightning
ReplyDeleteI SENSE A METALLICA REFERENCE.
My guess is that Dash can't carry the flower while riding the lightning. The messages that the pronghorns are tasked to carry seem ephemeral rather than tangible in nature. I suspect that nothing inanimate can survive the journey without becoming a cinder in the process. So Dash's new ability will come in handy certainly, but I doubt it's a clear solution to the problem at hand.
ReplyDeleteSPOILERS!
ReplyDelete>Firefly's story
What's this wet stuff coming out of my eyes?
Like Nigel said, I have to keep reminding myself that Equestria is the home of the sun and moon incarnate. Oh, and they both know these three by name!
And the winner for Most Accidentally Suggestive Line in a Fic is...
"Do try and take care of our Rainbow Dash."
"With luck, I shall do better than that!"
And wow, that was trippy -- but in a good way. I liked the use of present tense to convey the dreamlike state. Somehow, I'm seeing the Dreaming all drawn in fluorescent chalk outlines. All except [spoiler redacted].
I notice that each of them is getting a physical marker in addition to their new superpower. I like that!
"The whole universe was lightning, then -- bolts of lighting plucked like strings to make what was."
...Superstring Theory is Magic?
Rainbow Dash losing fear means she's going to get cocky. I'm betting she's going to do something stupid in Ch. 14 with her new powers which will make their adventure worse than it already was.
ReplyDeleteI did love the use of various colors for the Dreaming. It made it enjoyable to read and you could tell who was talking without having to be told. It also accentuated how the Dreaming felt much different than the mortal world.
Damn, this has to be made into an animation. Maybe once im done with my current project i can get some people together for it.
ReplyDeleteI think I should better describe my emotions during this chapter (and it is probably pretty obvious where each of these go):
ReplyDeleteFist pump.
Manly tears.
Deep in thought.
Manly tears.
Fist pump.
Quite a ride.
I'll be honest.
ReplyDeleteI cried.
That was the most heartwarming thing I have ever read.
Chapter 13 is amazing, totally worth the long read.
ReplyDelete13 is the best number ever. Everyone thinks it's extremely unlucky and they avoid it, and therefore all of 13's natural good luck is almost untouched all the time. 13 has a huge store of untapped awesomeness (and potential). Your thirteenth chapter has no doubt benefited in some small way from this, and I marvel at the skill with which you have tapped it's power.
ReplyDelete(What the Buck did I just write????)
I'm guessing that the reason why Rainbow Dash can't just lightning the Benevolence, and more importantly why she couldn't have just flown there and back again at the very beginning of the story, it that it's probably much more difficult to get than simply being at the location where it grows. Also, there's a little key that has Rarity's name on it. :P
Yaaaay chapter thirteen! I will read as soon as possible!
ReplyDeleteSo emotional I almost wept manly tears of heartwarmingness.
ReplyDeleteStellar take on the Dreaming which is just as super simple and head-aching complex as my own memories about the subject of Dreamtime.
From the way you stated it I'm gonna take a guess that finding the flower and getting to the mountains are two seperate things that won't be easily solved by Dash's recent lesson in becoming one with the lightning.
I'm liking the exotic local and creatures your adding to the setting, the one about the Narwhals creating the Aurora seems so fitting. I'm certaining going to have to borrow some of these if I ever get around to writing a fic myself. I'm looking forward to the deer and Rarity's own little spot in the spotlight.
ALL OF MY PEPSI, TAKE THEM
ReplyDeleteAwesome beyond words! Keep it up.
ReplyDeleteI gotta' ask if Dromedor is camels and Salamar are Longs(Lungs?-asian dragons I'm guessing), then what is Tesnia home to?
@LordOfTheWrongs "...Superstring Theory is Magic?"
ReplyDeleteimokaywiththis.jpg
Watch Jetfire troll us all and Rarity's new power turns out to be something else entirely!
ReplyDeleteAm I the only one that wanted Niles to throw in something about attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion and C-beams glittering in the dark near Tannhauser Gate? :)
A superlative and emotionally powerful chapter. I think this is probably my favourite MLP fanfic, and considering the high quality in general, that's saying something. Brilliant work, keep it up.
ReplyDeleteAlso, why do I get the feeling the whole upper-class pronghorn thing really just there for the shout out to "My Fair Lady"...?
Well well well...THIS is quite the intriguing turn of events, isn't it? By all accounts, after all, the end of the chapter pretty much marks the end of the journey, doesn't it? But in truth, I don't think it's that simple; my mind is in a fury connecting dots and speculating, and I am reminded of three very important facts from earlier in the story:
ReplyDelete1.) Dash had more than a little desire to travel WITHOUT Applejack and Rarity at first
2.) We still don't know what exactly has been scaring the Komagas all these years
and most importantly
3.) That strange creature in the cave, which seemed able to lure Rarity and Dash specifically because of their magical abilities.
I still believe that creature is the source of the Komagas' fearful stampedes, and I suspect that it yet has a part to play in obstructing our girls in their mission, especially since its abilities seem connected to the innate magic of its victims, something Dash has just had a MAJOR boost in. Just my theory, though...
As for the chapter itself? Great stuff. The confrontation with Dash and Applejack starts things off on the right note, honest and affecting, and it just keeps getting better from there. I do think I'm not crazy about the formatting tricks you use to convey the dreaming; I get the reasoning behind it, but your words do a fine enough job of getting the idea across, so much so that the "effects" get a little distracting at times. Nonetheless, your backstory for Dash is brilliant, the Pronghorns continue to be awesome, and we now know just what's kept Celestia busy all this time. Plus? TONS of great world-building all over the place here. It may be a little later than the last few chapters, but it was WELL worth the wait.
(Apologies if this is a double-post; Blogger's giving me grief l3; )
ReplyDeleteWell well well...THIS is quite the intriguing turn of events, isn't it? By all accounts, after all, the end of the chapter pretty much marks the end of the journey, doesn't it? But in truth, I don't think it's that simple; my mind is in a fury connecting dots and speculating, and I am reminded of three very important facts from earlier in the story:
1.) Dash had more than a little desire to travel WITHOUT Applejack and Rarity at first
2.) We still don't know what exactly has been scaring the Komagas all these years
and most importantly
3.) That strange creature in the cave, which seemed able to lure Rarity and Dash specifically because of their magical abilities.
I still believe that creature is the source of the Komagas' fearful stampedes, and I suspect that it yet has a part to play in obstructing our girls in their mission, especially since its abilities seem connected to the innate magic of its victims, something Dash has just had a MAJOR boost in. Just my theory, though...
As for the chapter itself? Great stuff. The confrontation with Dash and Applejack starts things off on the right note, honest and affecting, and it just keeps getting better from there. I do think I'm not crazy about the formatting tricks you use to convey the dreaming; I get the reasoning behind it, but your words do a fine enough job of getting the idea across, so much so that the "effects" get a little distracting at times. Nonetheless, your backstory for Dash is brilliant, the Pronghorns continue to be awesome, and we now know just what's kept Celestia busy all this time. Plus? TONS of great world-building all over the place here. It may be a little later than the last few chapters, but it was WELL worth the wait.
@followerofluna OH MY GOD! Thank you sir for enlightening me on that Serenity reference. I knew it sounded familiar. To the author: GREAT STORY! keep it going it awesome!
ReplyDeleteYou have such an amazing way of creating the world. And yet, there is still so much to tell! Why do I have a feeling that Rarity is going to be focused on next?
ReplyDeleteWhen this story does come to a close, (not that it will anytime soon) it would be neat to see a sequel with the other 3 ponies. Just an idea to chew on.
I just read the entire story in one go... You've outdone yourself.
ReplyDeleteI'm officially rearranging my list of the best Pony fanfics. This is now number 2, just short of Fallout: Equestria.
You my good sir are a master of your craft. The Dreaming sequence with Rainbow... It was surrealism in words, vivid and vague, conveying what I believe the ethereal nature of the Dreaming would be like without overwhelming us.
@Kyle
ReplyDeleteSeconded. So VERY seconded.
You, sir, are a goddamn genius! Not just for writing this fic, which is in and of itself a work of genius, but for getting your facts right! Like the names of places like Salamar and Dromedor, all of which work. Also, the 30 seconds thing. It actually would've been 30 seconds mathematically! I'm assuming you worked that out, but if you didn't, good guess!
>What do you want. >What do you want. >What do you want. >What do you want. >What do you want. >(etc...)
ReplyDelete-Ooookk... dragging a bit there ?
...I wonder where this is going now-OH GOD MY EYES! WhAT wITh ThE TEXt aNd thE colOrs ?!
(seriously... that part with the ''dream'' need a warning or something... and some aspirins maybe.)
Frankly, I skipped a number of chunks of it... We get it, DREAM, no need to have the 5pages of the DREAM in rainbow-text to remind us, just the words are enough.
So... Now Rainbow Dash can go take the plant in 30sec, go to Ponyville in 2min, and then return to AJ and Rarity for the trip back...
Guess the story will end soon then ? ...but something ''mysterious'' will prevent RD of doing that isn't it ?
I agree, re: place names. I'd figured out who lived in Dromedor before Nigel said so. ^_^
ReplyDeleteSomeone seriously needs to do fanart of swirlied-up Dash with lightning arcing all over her.
Maybe it's the fact I played some KOTOR just before reading this, but I can't help but think of Rainbow Dash as some kind of Jedi now.
ReplyDeleteSo far, this is quite good. I think I can tell where the story's going, but it's well-written and exciting enough for me to read the following chapters. Perhaps you should pursue a career in literature.
ReplyDeleteMy good sir, when are you planning to post the continuing chapters of your epic? I am anxious to see the gang get to their objective.
ReplyDeleteIt took you almost three weeks to post chapter thirteen, I truly hope you we can get a glimpse of 14 before then! You have a Wonderful gift as a writer, I truly hope you can make it shine! On a side note, I would love to know if you have a place I can check out out on (a blog, website, DA, etc.) and maybe even a name, just in case you ever become a published author one day! Drop me a line at wil_mil111 at hotmail dot com. Please make the subject the name of your story so I can find it easily (this is my junk email address).
ReplyDeleteNot to fear, my readers! Chapter 14 should be ready within a day or so. The reason for the delay is that I've been on vacation.
ReplyDelete"Oh ho," you think, "Jetfire's been off in paradise, so he's had no mind for his loyal followers."
You're quite wrong. I've been working on Chapter 14 all this time. Yet with the family members about, and their insistence on doing activities, my blessed free time has been in short supply. I typically write in extensive bursts on the weekends. These past few days have been work-free, but they've also been activity-filled, to the detriment of my story. Despite all this, I should have Chapter 14 ready to go by the end of the day tomorrow.
Best of all, I'll be back from vacation on Thursday, which means a regular weekend coming up in which to write Chapter 15. Looking at the story now, it seems this is going to be an eighteen chapter work, so we're coming quite close to the end. Stick with me, and I'll try to deliver a smashing finale. Everything, I hope, will come to a head.
No, no, you're on a family vacation, it's perfectly understandable. I hope you're having a good time. I'm really glad to hear though the next chapter's coming very soon.
ReplyDeleteHey Jetfire!
ReplyDeleteI adore this story! The world building you've done is really amazing and that last chapter? Oh Woah. Inspiring.
So inspiring in fact, I started to doodle fanart. I finished drawing the lines for Applejack in full barding then thought "oh hey, it's probably good form to try and contact the author rather than just drop finished art on 'em out of the blue."
So, uh, yeah. Is that cool? Your story is epic. I want to give back. Sethisto didn't have your email but he suggested I leave a note here since you read comments :)
May I ask why Pinkie isnt participating? :(
ReplyDeleteI knew there was a good reason to stay up super late.
ReplyDeleteGreat chapter, the deers were characterized extremely well, and as always you had great description.
ReplyDeleteConfound these ponies, they drive me to insomnia.
ReplyDeleteHuh. Elves that I do not want to punch. What sorcery is this?!
ReplyDeleteNice work, and I'm back on the edge of my seat waiting for the last twist. After all, the whole point of nearly perfect prophecy is when its wrong.
Well then...
ReplyDeleteLike so many others I'm sure, I was wondering where you would go now after what happened with Dash. It feels like it has only been partially answered.
Perhaps Falalauria will shed some more light onto the situation, and I'm guessing it will be explained to Rarity and in a dream. We shall see.
As usual, a superlative chapter. Everything skillfully weaves into place, and yet more mystrey about the wider world (everything should have mystery somewhere; not everything should be explained).
ReplyDeleteBrilliant.
Waaait a minute...
ReplyDeleteHad civilization before ponies could talk, have greater magic, ridiculous fantasy architecture, one with nature, better than ponies in every way...
DEER are ELVES! D:<
Nice chapter. Deer as elves (eldeer) are nice, even if I've seen it before, and your world building continues to be really good. I'm also wondering if there was a sun and moon before Celestia and Luna were born or if both only appeared with their respective princesses. At first I thought, yes, of course there was but then I remembered that in Tolkien the early elves (or deer in this, who predate ponies and the princesses) lived under starlight before the two trees and subsequently the sun and moon came into being.
ReplyDeleteOn the subject of the Element of Generosity’s power, am I the only one thinking it related to the greatest gift someone could ever give: their own life.
Oh look, I just dropped everything!
ReplyDelete*crash*
Mustreadmustreadmustreadmustread...
XD
The background of this story could be used for an RPG.Well done.
ReplyDeleteDon't get me wrong, I loved the latest chapter a great deal, but there's something that bugs me...
ReplyDeleteAren't does hornless? As far as I know, the only deer who sport antlers are the bucks, the male ones...
In the interest of gender equality, I've given both bucks and does antlers. Does (or in Falalauria's case, hinds) do occasionally grow antlers in the real world, and I wanted every deer to be magical.
ReplyDelete@Lanna
Please, by all means, draw! I would love to see what you or anyone else can come up with.
Man I love this fic and the new chapter reminds me of Shatterpoint and Firebringer for some reason.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest I really didn't like the last chapter and was probably going to drop the story because of it but this chapter makes me want to keep reading.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant, brilliant, bloody brilliant.
ReplyDeleteI've been geeking out since I saw the Elvish.
So I'm guessing that generosity allows the user to give of their own strength to others... A good reason not to tell the barer, to prevent them from destroying themselves in the process.
ReplyDeleteBet ya that Pinkie is already quite in tune with her element lol.
Can't stress how much i love this fic.
That was great. The tale of pre-Equestrian days was a wonderfully-crafted one by all measures, and you've managed to get me flooded with questions about Rarity.
ReplyDeleteAlways lovely to see a new chapter; take no worry about how long it takes to get one up, Jetfire, because however long we have to wait, it's always worth it. ^_^
ReplyDeleteI confess, initially I was nervous about how we were working around Dash's new lightning-riding abilities as a way to instantly put this journey to an end; it just felt like a swerve to keep things moving. Yet you manage to pull it together brilliantly with the revelation of the Deer of Shimmerwood and Falalauria in particular. Her character is very well-written, warm and compassionate but not without an air of mystery to her, and her revelations about Equestria's history (and the world-building you do in general here) are fascinating indeed. As well, just as I enjoyed the parallels between Gildedale and Rohan, so too do I enjoy Shimmerwood's more-than-passing resemblance to Lothlorien, while establishing a good sense of its own identity.
I also appreciate how you address the Cave Creature that tried to capture Rarity and Dash way back when, though it does joss my earlier theory about what exactly allowed that creature's song to work on Dash 'n' Rarity and not Applejack. Still very curious to see if we're going to see more of it later on, but the issue definitely feels more settled now than it did before. I also definitely appreciate that, while we've moved into Rarity's "segment" of the journey (as Dash's was with Nigel and the pronghorns, while Applejack's was in Gildedale), you keep the focus on all three ponies; I particularly like that Dash addresses the way in which this journey has brought the three of them closer together overall. Also curious to see what Falalauria is hiding from Rarity about the Element of Honesty...
We do seem to be rushing a bit at this point; we spend several chapters in Gildedale, but only one and a half on the Pronghorns, and it doesn't sound like Shimmerwood will get much more, but the only real reason that's frustrating is because you build these places and peoples up so well that we want to see more of them. I remain a big fan of this story, and am extremely excited to see how its final chapters will play out.
I fuckin' KNEW there would be deer-eleves. Fuck yes.
ReplyDeleteThis is a spectacular story. The settings you set, while still reminiscent of LotR, still scream with originality, considering how they've been melded into the MLP universe. The reasoning behind the beneviolet was a perfect way to avoid Dash deus-exing the story, and it didn't feel like a cop-out. Not that I know much about herbology to know if that's realistic in real plants or not...
Eugh, I love this story so much...
When do we meet the Dwarves?
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteAfter they get into the mountains, of course!
I feel bad about it, but I have to complain a bit about Chapter 14. Especially early in the chapter, I get a strong sense that the plot is driving the characters rather than the other way around. Falalauria's call is a pretty weak justification for Dash not jumping at the chance to flash to the mountain.
I'd have preferred to see Dash make the attempt, and either get blocked by Falalauria, or have the Beneviolets hidden from her. Or all of them feel the call. Or something.
Also, this conversation really should have ended slightly differently:
Rarity: I suppose there might be a way forward, but it could be a bit roundabout.
Applejack: In other words, no straight path. Sorry, Rarity, but we can't waste time.
Dash: Uh... actually, I'm with Rarity. Let's try the crooked path.
"What [Generosity's] gift was escapes me at the moment."
Yeah, I don't think you want to use the gift of the Element of self-sacrifice.
"Very rarely, an attack happens -- but Our Lady knows such things instantly, and she will be with you in your dreams to protect you if it occurs."
Psssh, yeah, what're the chances of that happening? :)
About Falalauria's tree... is that Laurelin?! :)
ReplyDelete> The Shimmerwood holds back "something"
> Balrogs were created by a great evil
Please tell me that Thangorodrim isn't just over the Archbacks from the Shimmerwood.
I enjoy the story, and I have to say it's better than a lot of things out there. It's just that, in the latest chapter, with the recent character development, I can't see why the adventure is still going on. Ending it would be a matter of zipping over, looking around a while, and zipping back.
ReplyDeleteI know it's handwaved with the ponies saying they are all needed, and everyone has their place... But their friend is dieing.
Personally, I'd put my ego aside in that case and say something along the lines of 'I'd like to help, but in this case, my friend's life is on the line and she'll be better off if I start heading back and let the new plot device solve things."
I love the picture of applejack portraying Kain from Final fantasy 2 by far my favorite character in that game
ReplyDeleteMinor nitpick here; When you describe Falalauria as being "orders of magnitude larger" than the other deer, this means she's at least a hundred times their size--i.e. Deerzilla. One order of magnitude is 10x, two orders of magnitude is 100x, three is 1000x, etc. A bit hyperbolic in this particular instance.
ReplyDeleteAlso, when she mentioned the "elements beyond the Archbacks", the phrase "One does not simply trot into Mordor" popped into my head. :P
@JimStarluck
ReplyDeleteMaybe the normal deer only come up to Applejack's knee. :)
Is Falalauria supposed to be a reference to Lauren Faust or something else?
ReplyDeleteChapter 14. First I knew there would be Deer in the Shimmerwood. I bet they were the ones that made the crystal horn blade. I guess Rarity will be learning the gift of the Element of Generosity in the dream she will be having in the next chapter. Maybe learning to teleport herself and other objects like the Deer?
ReplyDeleteNow for a slightly of topic question. Jetfire when you are done with this story will you make a sequel where Twilight, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie go on a life changing journey to distant lands, meeting new creatures, gaining new skills, items and abilities, learning new things about themselves and ultimately growing closer as friends? I think that there is great potential there.
my playlist can be hilarious at times, when AJ and Ashtail were talking at the end of it had switched to FF4s theme of love which ended just as Dash interrupted them
ReplyDeleteHmmm... I wonder what those "ELEMENTS BEYOND THE ARCHBACKS" could be...
ReplyDeleteCould it possibly rhyme with "Lumen"
And although it has been said many times already I like the comparison you have made between the Deer ans Elves. I also like how you solved the "problem" of Dash entering God mode with the lightning powers. Many flowers begin to wilt soon after blooming. I also like the character of Falalauria. Adding an omniscient character to a story is always tricky, but you balanced her out since she does not see everything all that time.
ReplyDeleteI also do not think that you when to fast with Rainbow and the Pronghorns or are going to (?) with Rarity and the Deer. Their story arcs started at the same time as Applejack's they have merely reach their climaxes at different points. This makes for a balanced and flowing narrative.
Keep up the good work.
Hey Jetfire!
ReplyDeleteI have three things to say about you and this story.
1. Your latest chapter was brilliant. I'm also glad/sad to hear that the story won't be too much longer.
2. You have a real gift for both story telling and world building. You could take the world you've made and all your OCs and publish your own book series. Obviously the main characters and Equestria in general would have to be changed alittle but everything you've created just screams book deal. Give it some thought.
3. Are you planning to have Dwarf parallels in this story? I'm thinking they'd be Bison but thats just me.
Anyway I look forward to your next chapter and I hope to read it very soon.
Wonderful story, looking forward to the next chapter (as usual). Thank you for all your hard work!
ReplyDeleteI finally got around to reading this, and I think it's fantastic. I really like what you've done with all these non-Equestrians.
ReplyDeleteA few things though.
Back in they were in the Everfree Forest, AJ realized she'd forgotten the rope. Couldn't Dash have just flown back and got some if it was really a big deal? I wouldn't have taken too long. Obviously this really doesn't matter now though.
Back when Dash was complaining about her inability to do anything with lightning, you never mentioned that her cutie mark is a lightning bolt. I would think it that would be like salt in the wound for her.
After the battle with the Komagas, AJ, Rarity, and especially Dash were all freaking out about how they killed/helped kill Komagas and said they would talk about it, but they just sort of dropped it and moved on. Shouldn't they have at least talked with each other or something?
And finally, when the pink text showed up in the Dreaming, my initial thought was that Pinkie was there, because that's the type of thing she does :)
Deer aren't Elves. They're Eldeer.
ReplyDeletehttp://sanity-x.deviantart.com/art/Ponyhammer-Races-210535998?offset=50
@God *Newspaper in the face* NO! Bad God, BAD!
ReplyDeleteAnywho, about the latest chapter... Your descriptions are rich and detailed without being overwhelming and boring, which is a delicate balance that I don't feel I've gotten the hang of. Good show Jetfire, and I'm really looking forward to where this goes.
I'll also have to second the question about Twilight, Fluttershy and Pinkie going on a journey of their own. Maybe all six decide to go out to visit these lands to make up for the time they were apart?
Hey Jetfire do you have anyother Fics lined up after this? This is a Fantastic Story. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDelete@McGack
ReplyDeleteHee! I had a similar experience when I was reading "Better Living through Science and Ponies". I got to the part where Chelle stumbled onto the first step to defeating GladOS, and the "Cornered" theme from Phoenix Wright kicked in on my iPod!
5/5 charactar development
ReplyDelete5/5 writing
I've spent all day reading this and it was a choice well made. This is a great story and extremely well written I... I can barely find words to describe how much I love this I can't wait for more.
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear that you welcome art for this story! I tried doodling Dash with her tribal tattoos the other day, maybe I'll clean it up in GIMP and post it somewhere. :)
ReplyDeleteAWESOME STORY. keep up the great work!
Thank you all so much for the wonderful compliments. It means a great deal knowing my story's so appreciated.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I'll answer my critiques as well. I see no reason not to take them on the chin, and they do raise some good points.
Regarding the relentless progression of the plot: I was a bit guilty of it in this chapter. I wrote it slightly out of sorts, not being in my usual places, but all the same, I feel like the ponies didn't have as much justification to keep going this time around. Naturally, when they get to the Shimmerwood and hear Falalauria's information, they're very glad they've come. For that matter, once they're in the wood itself, the deer do waylay them nicely, almost threatening them. But getting them actually into the wood was not my most elegant of moves.
Regarding Rainbow Dash: As I anticipated, it's hard keeping her in-character while still incorporating the obviously dramatic changes that have taken place within her. My thinking in the matter is that Dash is quite stubborn, as she has shown herself to be in the show; therefore, despite having an experience that's altered her fundamentally, she's still compelled to act as she's been acting. I think what I may start doing with her is giving her a tic that's developed in me, because I used to be quite impulsive and headstrong myself. The impulsiveness is still there, but I've learned to stop myself halfway to saying something, pause, and think. It's a small step, but it's one I've learned, and I feel that Dash would learn it as well.
Regarding the speed of the story: I confess my impulse is not to drag the adventure out too much longer, since, diversions aside, our heroines are pressed for time. I gave the pronghorns about as much space as I could, because they simply didn't have as much setting and descriptive imagery at their disposal: they have a single Waystation, while Gildedale and the Shimmerwood are whole countries. The Shimmerwood, for that matter, is smaller than Gildedale, so I believe it will only get one more chapter. At the end of Chapter 15, we'll be at the Archback Mountains.
Thank you all for your observations. Too much praise can be very heady, and it would be easy for me not to change things, since so many people like things as they are. But I'm committed to perfecting my craft, and you've all raised some very valid points.
I actually wouldn't worry too much about keeping Dash "in character"... oddly enough. She's had a life-changing experience, and I think it would do her a disservice to pretend she didn't learn anything from it.
ReplyDelete@LordOfTheWrongs
ReplyDeleteYou've given me a rather nice idea for the next chapter, actually.
Jetfire my man, you're doing a splendid job. I was a little skeptical at first regarding how you'd explain why they couldn't send Dash to just zip up the mountains and grab the plant, but I thought you handled it wonderfully. Don't rush yourself too much; in fact, I'll be a little sad to see the story come to and end. You've got a lot of potential, my good man. I also echo the call for a sequel with Pinkie Pie, Twilight, and Fluttershy going on a journey.
ReplyDeleteAn awesome installment as always Jetfire. I've been looking forward to the deer since I saw an un-related pic involving ponies and Warhammer 40k. I'm no deer expert and don't really care wether they have antlers or not, though I've heard that reindeer of both sexes have them.
ReplyDeleteI Third(?)agree with Someguy and Kyle on) a sequel adventure envolving the rest of the crew either that or a travel guide detailing the wonderous world your building has roth.
Also like the idea that Princess Celestia and Luna were quite the pranksters back in the day.
I have given more than a little thought to an adventure story starring Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie.
ReplyDeleteBut it's not the only other fanfic I've had in mind.
This fic is fantastic. This one went to a spot on my toolbar and gets checked once a week for updates. Love it.
ReplyDeleteThose Deer-Elves sounds pretty much like in lord of the Ring... also, I'm not sure about them.
ReplyDelete...the way it is stated in this Chapter (at the begining of their introduction, at least), it's like the Deer-Elves were **Everything**, and if it wasn't for them (and what they left), most of the other races would pretty much be nothing today ?
>However, it is still you who must make the choices, and though you are highly likely to make choices that most correspond with your true nature, your actions are not forced. You could still surprise me. But it is likely you will not.”
-Meh, haughty Elf-Queen much... like in LOR.
>the Elders took it upon themselves to train the two new goddesses in the use of their power.
-Training... the goddesses... I think those Deer-Elves just got a ''Big-Head'' achievement.
>“Oh, Tia was a great troublemaker,” the golden hind said with a smile.
-Bah... Queen-Deer is looking a bit better now. At least she has a good sense of humour.
>I know that of old balrogs
-Yep. The author definitely used LOR there, for sure. ;) (and probably (inspiration) for the Deers too, I would say)
...Interesting chapter.
Especially liked the thing with the Elements, each of them having some sort of specialty linked to them... Like a (ability) bonus ;).
This was a fantastic chapter altogether. But the Galadriel moment is what made it for me, definitely. Excellent, excellent, excellent.
ReplyDeleteAnd if I had any doubt beforehand, it's been quelled; this is The Hobbit compared to what's to come.
Keep up the AMAZING work!
"Gil-Galad was an Elken King"
ReplyDeleteAny lingering thoughts that this story MIGHT just have escaped being inspired by LotR just vanished. ;)
Another chapter? Already? Holy crap, that was fast.
ReplyDeleteOnly a single night instead of another day passing, but it was an AWESOME night.
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, echo the LotR parallels.
dasklfhdsafskdjfhasldfh oh my god
ReplyDeletethis is the best thing I have read, best fanfic on this site by far
it is just too amazing
I didn't think I would be able to find a fic the best but this is it
damn
Neighples.
ReplyDeleteI lol'd.
Excellent chapter! Ominous foreshadowing, character development!
Hm... Well, the Deer Queen makes me think that the adventure won't end when the trio gets ahold of the Beneviolet.
ReplyDeleteAlso, taking a stab at the gifts of the unseen Trio...
The Element of Kindness has a soothing presence, one that pacifies those around them and helps the holder of the Element instinctively know those in pain and how to alleviate it.
Laughter has the ability to, by opening up to an individual, laugh away their anger, fear, and sorrow. Pinkie Pie already does this by throwing parties to make even the grumpiest sourpuss feel happy, and by Giggling at the Ghosties.
Magic... Well, that's just kind of obvious now isn't it? Though I think that Twilight could do with some Deer instruction. Goodness knows she has the umph for it.
Alright I think I'm going to have to move this story to #1 on my favorites list, I'm so happy with the way you handled Rarity and the characterization in general, that I could just hug you. And the scene with falalaria losing her mind was great, because I thought everything was just going to perfect, and she gave off a vibe that she was hiding some thing, which she was. Anyways great chapter!
ReplyDeleteHoly crap. Rarity's speech was simply amazing. I really don't have the words to describe how much it affected me. I suppose I can only say that you are an amazing writer, and this chapter was the best one yet.
ReplyDeleteDoes this mean that this story will go beyond Twilight being saved?
ReplyDeleteI've been reading this story for quite some time and it just sucks me in. Beautifully written and proving that LOR inspired High Fantasy and FiM go together in a truly epic manner. Interesting characters, amazing characterization of canon ponies, and a rich creative world with all kinds of different races.
ReplyDeleteI was wondering though: you mentioned wolves earlier in the story so I began to wonder how you are going to handle them and other carnivores in this setting? What real world cultures are going to be emulated? How do most carnivores function in this setting? Are they willing to snack on anything breathing, or do they operate under the guideline that: if you can hold a conversation with it then eating it is a bad idea? How dose this outlook very from population to population (Ex: carnivore group/location A eats just about any meat wile carnivore group/location B generality eats unintelligent things)?
With every chapter this story get better!
ReplyDeleteGREAT work,really!
CONFOUND THIS STORY, IT DRIVES ME TO MAKE RARITY MY FAVORITE PONY
ReplyDeleteYikes! Wasn't expecting a new installment so soon.
ReplyDeleteWow! That's some Heavy stuff, seeing the future. It's both an awesome power and a throually sucky one all at once.
So not only has Rarity finally learned how to teleport(as most expected)but she learned the much more elegant and cooler dear version. That's like choosing between Nightcrawler's BAMF! and Goku's Instant Transmission.(not to say both don't have their subtle charms and tactics)
Enjoyed the Rarity tea-party for Rarities.
Yay, new chapter! And I'm not even done with 10 yet! This story is great! X3
ReplyDeleteIs... is that Applejack... as Kain Highwind?
ReplyDeleteMy life is complete.
This...is probably the greatest fan story on this site. Everything about it is marvelous, the character development is fantastic and true to the canon, the plot is fascinating and full of exciting twists, the settings are brilliant, and you have an incredible talent for expanding upon the existing MLP world, fleshing it out and adding new dimensions, particularly in your exploration of the world's history, the different pony types, and the different creatures.
ReplyDeleteThis...is truly a work of art. Truly.
This might have been the best chapter yet. Good job!
ReplyDeleteChapter 15, Jetfire. Oh my Gosh, Chapter 15, oh my gosh!
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'll comment later after I calm down and let it all sink it. Oh My GOSH!
A new chapter update? And so soon?!
ReplyDeleteAs Rarity would say, WAHAHA!
oh man, I loved this new chapter, I'm a big fan of Rarity, and you've really captured her well here, I think this is my favorite story on EqD, so so good.
ReplyDeleteChapter 15... was... holy Christ.
ReplyDeleteI loved it as much as Rainbow Dash's chapter.
And the... the revelation that their going to Archback will release something... and I figured something would peter out but you're... building even more suspense. Tons more. And intrigue. God damnit.
By the by, I was going to make this chapter longer- I was going to stretch it to the three ponies' leaving the Shimmerwood and reaching the Archback Mountains. I couldn't bare to once I'd reached its current end, though. It was complete as it is.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if I commented on this before but I really enjoy how you write Rarity and can only hope FiM gives her the attributes you did. Rarity still comes across as shallow and materialistic from time to time so giving her a penchant for philosophy would make her much more interesting.
ReplyDeleteGreat Story,btw.
I went into this chapter not knowing what to expect. Will it top the amazingness that was Chapter 13? I wasn't sure. Then this happened:
ReplyDelete"The needs of the many against the needs of the few."
And I knew my answer.
I'd been putting off reading this one for a while. I wanted to wait for the time when I could finally read all of it and get a huge feeling from it.
ReplyDeleteIt's purely amazing. The characters stay true to themselves but you expand on them and give them such development. The story has the perfect amount of danger and peril that I'd expect from this universe and doesn't over do it.
I'm still just shocked at how impressed and amazed I am at this story. 6 Stars and worthy of holding such a rank.
So have you thought about getting someone to make this into a graphic novel, or an animation? That would be pretty slick.
ReplyDeleteGreat story! It takes everything about the show and makes it...I don't even know. Its just so good.
so....if all the elements have skills...whats twilights? is she like a god among gods? id imagine her talent being the incarnation of magic or something along those lines.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jetfire.
ReplyDeleteJust read all fifteen chapters while I'm sitting here in a sound booth, also while people are reading my own small fic today. And I admire you who can do epic spreads. :D
My limit's about 15,000 words in a coherent story, more if I'm writing rapid-fire comedy. So I appreciate you and your story-telling.
Ok I'm back.
ReplyDeleteWow, I thought you reached your peak with chapter 13 but 15... Wow. Just, Wow
Rarity's dream was not what I was expecting but it went beyond what I could have anticipated. Once again all the world building you are doing here is phenomenal. I liked the baptismal scene. I knew Rarity would learn teleporting eventually before the story was over, and once I saw the deer teleporting in the last chapter I knew that Rarity would learn it from them. I am guessing that neither teleporting spell is better then the other only different in their execution. And Rarity's speech to Falalaurina was perfect. I would like to see Rarity a little more like this in season 2,
I like the idea of the Elements granting gifts on their bearers. And Rarity having Far-Sight is a very appropriate gift. What would the gifts be for the others? I think that Fluttershy and Pinkie are already dimly aware of their gifts, but like the others without realizing that the gift exists they cannot control and master it. Fluttershy would have the ability to remove the will to fight from an agressor (The Stare), and Pinkie has an innate sense of comedic timing (Pinkie Sense) so she con alway make others smile. I'm not sure what Twilight's would be.
I wonder what this thing they are suposed to release is? Is it that black thing Rarity saw in her dream?
As for characterizing Rainbow Dash. I think that even giving her life changing experience it would feel unnatural for her to suddenly do a 180 in her personality. It should be a continuous learning experience.
Once again Jetfire I ask you to think about doing a sequel involving the remaining members of the main cast. Maybe Spike has to go to the Dragon home lands and Twilight, Fluttershy and Pinkie accompany him.
Also any good artists out there should try to theorize what the rest of the main cast would look like in "Fully empowered embodiment of their Element of Harmony Alicorn like" forms. I'm seeing Dash with long angular wings and a jagged horn like a lightning bolt.
ReplyDeleteThat was brilliant. I do say I loved Felaluria's Galadriel moment.
ReplyDeleteAh, much better. Last chapter felt like it was moving a bit too fast to match the air of majesty the Shimmerwood Deers naturally projected, but having this chapter focus on Rarity's conversation with Falalauria allows things to soak in much better, and the Deerfolk thus feel more well-realized as a result. I also very much like how well you bring Rarity's experiences throughout the story to the fore here, making it clear how much better she understands herself now for what she's had to endure.
ReplyDeleteI also appreciated Falalauria's Galadriel moment, though this time the parallel felt a bit TOO sharp for me personally. Nonetheless, I definitely dug it as a way not only of showing that the air of mystery Falalauria exudes hides a real bite to her character, but also introducing what has subtly hidden behind the scenes of this story almost the whole time: the notion that something very, VERY bad waits for our girls in the Archback Mountains. Eager to see just what it is, too, and yes, I still stand by my theory that the thing in the Mountains is the same as the thing in the Cave and the thing which has been driving the Komagas to stampede all these years.
I think the stretch between Gildedale and Shimmerwood was a bit of a rough patch for this story as a whole; it's still exceptionally good stuff, but it also felt to me like it was losing the intense momentum the story had built up so well up to that point. We manage to recapture a lot of that with this chapter, I think, and I also believe you've done a good job setting up the last stretch of the journey. To victory, my friend, to victory.
A great story do far I love the series so far. It would make an excellent special for the second seasion of MLP.
ReplyDeleteThis story is ridiculously fantastic. I only wish I could write half as well as this brilliant author can.
ReplyDeleteOkay, so after flying through the entirety of the story yesterday, I posted a rather breathless comment earlier. Now that I've cooled down a bit, I can give a more thoughtful critique of the story so far...
ReplyDeleteFirst off, the story is fantastic. Granted, the basic premise (find a plant in a far-off land that will cure a sick friend) is quite similar to one of those Land Before Time sequels (I forget which one), which was a film I'm not particularly fond of. That said, I was enormously relieved that this story flows nothing at all like that film - indeed, after reading it I realized it reminded me of reading The Hobbit and The Voyage of the Dawn Treader when I was a kid - it's a quest story involving traveling through exciting and dangerous places, and this analogy seems even more appropriate given the attention to detail you've poured into the settings. You've managed to expand the world of this franchise significantly while fleshing it out - the time you've spent examining the differences between the types of ponies, the different kinds of creatures, and the comparisons between their different cultures is absolutely marvelous. You also bring a lot of intrigue and mystery into the story, which kept me glued to my computer screen yesterday.
And I'd be remiss if I didn't say something about how you've handled the characters in this story. The development of each of the three main figures feels genuine, but what amazes me is that you've fleshed out these characters so much and gone so far beyond the official canon, yet still managed to keep true to the characters of the show. Dash's backstory is probably the example that sticks out to me the most here, with him being a runt guided by a knowing teacher: it's so far removed from anything explained in the show, but IT MAKES SENSE, as it explains why Dash is the competitive individual he is now. But you also do a marvelous job with Applejack and Rarity - truly, I do not think you could have picked three finer characters to focus on. I'm particularly impressed with how you treated Applejack's love interest, mainly in that it doesn't feel overdone like a lot of the love interest stories seem to go in fan fiction.
That said, at times the story does seem to slip closer to the feeling of Lord of the Rings than My Little Pony at times (particularly at the more violent or mystical scenes, such as the killing of the beasts on the plains, Dash entering the Dreaming, Rarity discovering her power) but overall you've written a story that still stays remarkably true to the spirit of the MLP show considering the content, and that is truly a feat in and of itself.
So bravo on this story so far; I eagerly wait for the next chapters!
Oh, well, okay, that wasn't as bad as I was thinking.
ReplyDeleteYou get three guesses who the one death will be, and the first two don't count. I think Falalauria's gonna be seeing a far green country under a swift sunrise before long.
I would say the Gift of Kindness is currently being expressed as the Stare, but that's not its final form. Kindness allows Fluttershy to empathize with others almost perfectly, and the Stare is a crude psychic projection of that power -- in short, the target intimately understands how they're making others feel.
In other words... "Heart!"
*CRASH*
ReplyDeleteThat is all!
@Sssonic
ReplyDeleteI agree. The fact that the Singer made Fala say "I 'unno," is rather terrifying.
third chapter already know how this will end but its good so far
ReplyDeleteSo far, I've just finished Chapter 4, and I thought I'd drop a How I've Felt chapter by chapter from this point on, because I know I adore as many comments as possible, so I figured I wouldn't keep you waiting until I read up to date.
ReplyDeleteI'll start with the critical side of my opinions. It's really something I can't help, having been through several writing workshop classes, to always find flaws in otherwise good prose in fanworks (my eyes for flaw are unusually picky at the prose level, and I always find something even in great stuff). So it's really a huge achievement that I've found so very, very little that made me want to take out my imaginary red pen. Your prose is very well polished, and my eyes were able to scan over it enjoying most of the story without hiccup.
Storywise, the first three chapters did feel like they had a slow pace. That much I believe you even said to me, that the story really starts at 4. It took it's time to work through all the preamble to the main plot. But 4's move into the main thrust, the growing of internal conflict among the journeyers, is really where the hook sets that will drag me through the rest of the story.
So, kind of a summery is that I've found it thus far very enjoyable. The flaws I mentioned are small in comparison with my appreciation, and my interest is growing with the prospect of this continuing. I have the feeling this is one of the stories that will grow to be very compelling the farther I get into it. So, that's where I plan to go.
So, we've goen from Gondor(Equestria) to Rohan(Gildedale) and are currently hanging out in Lothlorien(Shimmerwood) with Galadriel in the form of a doe with antlers (I'll forgive you the physical impossibility of that). if they were to keep goign past the Archbacks, would they eventually find a Shire? :P
ReplyDeleteI'm a little split on how Rarity develops here. Not that I have any specific problem with it, it's a perfectly fine way to go about such things; but her comments on art and philosophy during the Dale segment were just so much more interesting that this bit falls slightly flat. Even something as simple as a callback to the freedom discussion with Rainbow while talking about fate would give the whole thing a nice bit of cohesion. Also, considering its plot relevance, the teleportation lesson was over fairly quick, and again could have tied into some previous themes a little better.
ReplyDeleteSorry, that was all a bit negative. I'm absolutely loving the story thus far, and I'm very excited to see how it ends. That nice bit of foreshadowing has got me very intrigued. Keep up the great work!
<3
Somewhat more serious comment now:
ReplyDeleteYou've built a fantastic world, and I really hope you write a sequel to focus on the other three ponies, possibly in preparation for dealing with whatever evil you're hiding in the Archbacks.
If I had to complain about one thing... I found the Gildedale chapters just a bit too long and dry. And yeah, the method of getting the trio into Shimmerwood wasn't very good, but you've made up for it with Chapter 15. :)
Now that i've gotten a little sleep and allowed the chapter to sink in a little. I see that the girls have a chance of unleashing a dire evil in their quest to cure Twilight. But now that they know that they may accidently free some thing, doesn't that increase their chances that they won't?
ReplyDeleteUnless it's a pre-ordained thing...of course it's also possible that Fala may have been setting up her own gambit just in case by telling/threatening Rarity though her emotions were sincere at the time.
Guess we'll find out soon enough.
@Bitmun
ReplyDeleteI disagree. Rarity seems like she should be conversant on a lot of topics, to me. She's always struck me as the second smartest after Twilight, and reasonably well-read. (It's hard to be sophisticated if you can't discuss the writings of Andalustotle or Pinto.)
I've been avoiding this story for a long time and I'm not sure why. I avoid Grimdark and Shipping stuff, but I just never took a look at this. Then someone mentioned it in a Drawfriend and I decided to check it out.
ReplyDeleteI'm only three parts in and I must say it's definitely shaping up to be an amazing tale. Can't wait to find enough time to read the rest.
Oh... oh... I have devoured this, and I want more like you wouldn't believe. All the LotR references - whether intended or just a result of me making connections in my head - have made me so happy... not to mention Dash's little "leaf on the wind" bit. ;)
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine how hard it is to balance Dash with herself and her newfound wisdom while still keeping her ultimately the same character. I think thus far you've done well - Dash is a much deeper character than she's sometimes given credit for. And I love Rarity even more than I did already. AJ is still solid and sturdy and wonderful, but the other two, I love how much they've grown, and how much deeper we've delved into them!
Can't wait for the next chapter!
I was really hoping the thing looming over her would be a rock.
ReplyDeleteThis is my favourite fanfic from all the time I first read it. I can't wait to see chapter 16, I check almost everyday is there something new.
ReplyDeleteI already have drawn art for this story, but only to chapter 7 for now. It's not spectacular, but if you would like to see, I hope you'll like it. I'm looking forward to another one if I'll only have some free time.
My only true complaint about ch 15 is a mild irritation that deer style teleporting seems to just be universally better than unicorns'. In fact the deer in general seem to be Unicorn Plus. I've never really liked elves for exactly that reason. (Being part of a dying race does not count as a downside since it means they were once the power, and it's usually implied that humans to will one day fall.)
ReplyDeleteif you're interested in suggestions, it seems t me that deer teleporting would work best, or pehaps only, when going to a well known place. To visualize being elsewhere as the unis do is relatively easy even if it's a new place, while sensation would be more in line with returning to where you've been.
That power of Returning would also encourage deer to stay in their grove where they know every inch of the place instead of heading out where they have to proceed on foot.
But whatever, it's just an outgrowth of me disliking the theme of 'yeah, we're pretty much just better than you in every way'.
I welcome any and all art! I have a thread on Ponychan and one on FiMchan, so you can post it to either of those, or you can just link to it here in the comments if you've got it hosted somewhere. Ponibooru is fine too.
ReplyDeleteCan you link the threads on ponychan and FIMchan? I can't navagate Chan site for crap. :(
ReplyDeleteI usually just google the chans to find the thread I want.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/res/6099.html
http://fim.413chan.net/fic/res/2271.html
Suddenly, fastest updates EVER
ReplyDeleteConfound these ponies, they drive me to skip sleep!
ReplyDeleteYay, everypony has fancy stuff now! I get the feeling they're going to need that armor eventually, possibly before this story ends.
ReplyDeleteThere simply must be a sequel to this! You've set up way too many threads that this story can't resolve. Unless it doesn't end with Twilight's recovery... Hmmmm -_o
I am gonna be so bummed when the world you have established is not canon. Love this story.
ReplyDeleteOne could make that case for every epic fan-fic on this blog- Fallout, ... Out in the Cold, ... can't think of any others right now because it's late... :P
ReplyDelete@C. Theron Vulpin
ReplyDelete..anything with Derpy and/or Dr. Whooves... Progress... Luna in general... and I'm probably overdoing this so I'll stop for real now.
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously seeing this updated actually made me get up and start "yes-ing" in a circle like twilight ^_^ this is my freaking favorite fan-fic EVER <3
ReplyDeleteFirst off I would like to say this is a very entertaining story. I like what you doing with the characters, I love seeing growth. I love the title, very clever. The whole story is imaginative and the descriptions cast a great image in one's mind.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, you have some epically huge plot holes in your story (Spoiler alert)
Twilight and Princess Celestia share a rather close bond there is no way she would not attempt to help and yet you never bring her up despite her being a dragon's flame away. Informing Celestia would have solved so many issues.
1. You mentioned that there is a potion that cures horn rot but that it takes too long to make. Celestia teaches at a magic school where horn rot is probably a regular occurrence meaning they would probably have the potion on stand by.
2. Even if there is no potion they might have the special plant Twilight needs in the garden.
3. Assuming they don’t have the plant or the potion on stand by, she could easily send an herbalist and an honour guard of pegasi soldiers to the mountain and claim the needed plant. (You mention the plant needs to be in a very specific stage of growth. After a normal plant does not work I am sure a royal herbalist would know of the importance of the varying stages of growth and then proceed to get the proper one)
4. Celestia, being a royal, would have access to the pronghorns who would have to help her out so even if she couldn’t spare the guards or the herbalist there is no reason she couldn’t get help from the pronghorns whom you make clear she is aware of and can contact.
5. Assuming all those other options don’t work, Celestia is friends with a powerful being that lives right next to the mountain with the plant. This is a powerful being capable of looking into the future. Being friends there is no reason she wouldn’t look into Twilights future and see the plant she needs and send it to Twilight.
6. Celestia is a goddess, maybe she can cure horn rot without even needed the potion or the plant.
7. If Celestia is to busy to help I am sure Luna can be spared. Its not like Celestia hasn’t been making do without her for 1000 years.
If there is some detail I missed that gets around all that then I apologise.
But don’t think this means I do not like the story. I love it and look forward to reading it whenever it updates.
I loved the ending of the chapter, and the "real Elkish rope" as it were ;)
ReplyDeleteYou cannot imagine the happiness I feel when this story updates.
ReplyDeleteThe Gala reference confuzzled me. Is this before the GGG? O_o
ReplyDeleteSomebody need turn this story into an RPG game. I would especially LOVE IT if it had similar gameplay mechanics to Kingdom Hearts too.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, this story is just pure awesomeness. Makes waiting for Season 2 a little more worthwhile. Can't wait for what's gonna happen next! ;)
I seriously get a huge smile on my face when I see this has been updated.
ReplyDeleteOne of the standards of any great quest..free swag even better when it's magical or just plain awesome.
ReplyDelete(chuckles) And of course the cryptic last word has the make the characters do a double take.
They're almost done, let's see what other surprises lither the path.
Whenever the deer god talks about the return trip she laughs and smiles or something, and she said Twighlight will survive. Will applejack, Rarity and dash not survive the return trip!!!!????
ReplyDeleteOH GAWD, this is amazing
One thing I don't get in chapter 5, if Dash is supposedly able to make the journey in 2 days while the others might only make it in 10, doesn't she have enough time to go back to pick up the ropes for Applejack and still be able to catch up to them?
ReplyDeleteThe magical deer gifts were a little cliche, I'd have preferred if she had just given them regular stuff, and I believe you used "I don't suppose you have soap/towels/coffee" three times in short succession, but otherwise, a good chapter. Hope the next one is up soon, and I'm very much interested in the alluded overarching events in the world Falalauria talked about.
ReplyDeleteA new update? Wow that was fast. Now everypony has cool swag. The journey is almost over what awaits our heroines in the Archback Mountains?
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteYou realize this started, like, back in april, right?
@Anonymous
ReplyDelete"Will applejack, rarity and dash not survive the return trip???"
I read it as uncertainty rather than laughter. She Sees two futures, both equally possible; in one they live, in the other they do not (or their journey does not end fo a long time yet).
We know they are pretty much destined to release some great evil from the mountain, after all.
That said, it's hard to get a clear read of the Lady. She is almost sure of meeting the three again and that their journey is nearly over, but doubtful about them traveling home or meeting her for a meal in shimmerwood. That may relate to her near certainty of getting killed by whatever thing they release in the mountains. And without AJ's point of view, we don't necessarily know when she's just lying.
ReplyDeleteEscher, I think it's more like in one future, not all of them live. In the other, Falalauria doesn't. Her telling them, "Fly, you fools!" would certainly count as their paths crossing...
ReplyDeleteJetfire, It feels weird to have gold for day and silver for night, since it's the other way around in the Silmarillion. The contrast between the silver light and sunlight was cool, though.
The history that Falalauria talked about suggests that Celestia and Luna were either created by the deerfolk, or came into being as the world's "immune response", so to speak, to the destruction of the diurnal cycle. (What the hell kind of magic do you have to use to do THAT?)
Hmm. Hm, hm, hm. That reference to "Best Night Ever" is...interesting, to say the least. I am VERY hard-pressed to imagine this story taking place prior to the end of Season 1 even if that's when you started writing it, simply because we've seen our three girls change so much that it's rather difficult to believe we would see no sign of it afterwards, which we don't (and can't) in "Best Night Ever", or any other Season 1 episode this could be set prior to. Combined with Falalauria's continued elusiveness regarding the trio's trip home, as well as the lack of knowledge of what waits for the girls in the Archbacks, I rather fear a "Reset Button" ending. But we shall see, I suppose....
ReplyDeleteStill, rather than obsess over that detail, I shall instead take joy from the culmination of the "Pegasus/Pegasi" joke in a truly brilliant scene which plays out just right; the continued deftness you show with world-building and history-making for Equestria, particularly as regards the balance of nature and how that changed as a result of the Deer Wars; and the effective evolution we see in the group dynamics and character's personalities. It is that last note I want to focus on here. You've talked before about how you were concerned about keeping Dash in-character despite the changes she experienced in the Dreaming, but I think you're doing a bang-up job so far. She's still very much Rainbow Dash, but she's showing signs of greater maturity-a touch more compassionate, a little less self-absorbed. None of it is so extreme as to make her utterly unrecognizable, but they are nonetheless real changes in her, and this chapter shows that very clearly and very effectively.
I'll confess the pacing was a bit bizarre, feeling a bit too fast and a bit too slow at the same time (though given what we learn of the nature of time in the Shimmerwood, that's eerily appropriate, enough so that I'm ultimately not too bothered by it), and it's definitely hard to ignore the sense that we're simply delaying our trip to the Archbacks for pacing purposes more than anything else, but nonetheless the information revealed here is interesting enough to ultimately offset that.
This chapter is perhaps more intriguing than it is enjoyable (the "Pegasus/Pegasi" scene notwithstanding), but that's perfectly fine with me.
Hey Jetfire!
ReplyDeleteI really liked your latest chapter. However that reference to the GGG was alittle offputting. I think it serve your story better if it takes place after the end of Season 1. Perhaps you should think about editing that part out or changing it to suggest that this all happens after season 1. But, I'm not the author you are, so you do whatever you want.
I do believe Rainbow Dash gave us a somewhat subtle wink towards Gimli there. I like.
ReplyDeleteHee hee...why are flying characters' wings so ticklish? Are feathers really that sensitive?
ReplyDeleteI think if you stretched a bit, you could fit this taking place just a while before "The Best Night Ever." Presumably, Twilight and Celestia talked about her illness in the little free time they had, Rainbow Dash wanted to show off her lightning for the Wonderbolts but never got the chance to, and Applejack was inspired to try some new recipes for her food cart based on her experiences on the journey.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Rarity vows to double down on perfecting her Long Sight when her imaginings about Prince Blueblood turn out to be so spectacularly wrong. If you think about it, how did she even know Celestia had a nephew? I know we all thought she was crazy. Chalk that up to her Long Sight stirring in her mind, though its prediction beyond simple confirming Blueblood's existence was quite off.
Having just read the last chapter (16), chills literally ran down my spine when you managed to tie this story into The sun never sets. Just... brilliant writing. Brilliant.
ReplyDeleteI read the first chapter and did a double take at the "Lube".
ReplyDeleteIt was an awesome read and I plan to read as many of the chapters as I can today!
@Lord Xaos
ReplyDeleteWell, feathers, like hair, can't feel anything except through the skin they're attached to. I imagine wings would be reasonably sensitive to touch, since the feathers would also provide feedback about airflow... so maybe?
@PaxImbrium
ReplyDeleteI don't read sadfic... could you explain the reference?
Fanart!
ReplyDeleteSooo I did fanart. I hope you all like it. I might have put too much of the golden details in the end but it was a lot of fun to do. I went back over what the descriptions of it was and this is what I came up with. I think I want to do a picture with the three ponies in their gifts next.
Loved ch 16! cannot wait for more!
I... another... update? Already!?!?!?!
ReplyDeleteChrist balls.
@Lanna
ReplyDeleteAwesome! It doesn't really look like how I pictured it when reading, but it still looks great!
Shit just got real.
ReplyDeleteHoly shit.
ReplyDelete... A worldsnake... Pinkie wins the internet.
ReplyDeleteI remember the one time my D&D crew and I took our characters and had to fight one, didn't end pretty (and we were epic level 42 deities(divine rank 7-14s, earned ranks)... *shudders at the memory*
Why do I have the feeling that the others (and Luna) might just show up, in a flash of divine magic, cure Twilight when the world-snake is distracted with Rainbow, and the mane 6 use their ultimate channel magic to buff Luna to over-dietyhood temporarily? Nah... That's too much of a cop-out.
More likely it's an immature rank world-snake XD yes, I'm a D&D nerd... So sue me :p
I just read all 17 available chapters for the first time today. OHMYGOSHTHATWASAMAZING! Words can't even begin to describe it! I would use epic, but it's so overused that it's lost some of its weight. This was well written, very deep, and shows a completely different side to all three ponies. I love how you used the elements of harmony (which I don't think have been mentioned since the pilot) as kind of a focal point to the whole plot, with all kinds of deep philosophy and messages mixed in the whole thing. I'm sorry if anyone else has already mentioned this, but I think there is an inconsistency with the GGG. In chapter 16, Falalauria warned them about it, but I think I remember somepony in the earlier chapters mentioning it was a disaster. I can live with that though. Also, I was really freaked out at the end of chapter 17, I can't wait to see how that is resolved. I really like the parallels with LOTR. Idk if anyone else saw this, but i saw the equestrians as the hobbits, the daleponies as dwarves, the deer as elves, the kama...whatever theyre called... as orcs, and the pronghorns and wizards. Just the connections i made. Anyway, this is getting really long, but I just want to tell the author, AMAZING job. I love it, and if you can work out some deal with Hasbro and get it published as a book, I would be the first in line to buy it. (P.S. A map would really be helpful.)
ReplyDeleteOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete...That is all.
Oh damn. How the hell can they take out a world snake?
ReplyDeleteI'll be waiting for the next chapter with bated breath! And...was that some subtle RarityXDash shipping, or was the kiss innocent?
@Name Pending inc.
ReplyDeleteI think you had a really good point. And while I love this story. It seems crazy that they wouldn't contact princess Celestia. I mean she is the one of the two God Queens of the world (sorry she's to epic not to be called that). And I'm sure you know being a god she could have helped.
I love this story. But even with the new chapter explaining why she wasn't contacted. The plot hole Really bugged me. I mean if there was anyone could help it would be Celestia.
But the new chapter promises some awesome new villain action....which is cool.
I have fanart! FANART! Thank you very much, Lanna! It's fascinating to see your interpretation of my description.
ReplyDeletePlease, anyone who wants to draw fanart, you're welcome to do so!
Also: don't panic about Chapter 17. I promise the next chapter is going to follow swiftly behind it.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI'd say subtle, if non-reciprocated, shipping.
Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggggggggggh!!!! MORE! I NEED MORE!! I can't take the waiting! *cries* Curse your brilliant writing!
ReplyDelete@Shaun Hegney
ReplyDeleteI agree, not contacting Celestia is a bit of a plot hole. But if they went straight to Celestia from chapter one it would probably have been a very short story!
I do wonder why they weren't attempting to brew the potion as a backup option, although the accelerating nature of the affliction has probably put paid to that solution.
What I'm curious is if the hinted apocolyptic event is setting up a second part to the story where the other 3 ponies can get involved and join Rarity, Applejack and Rainbow Dash in "levelling up" as it were. At this point I'd almost be disappointed if curing Twilight was the end of it, simply due to what a ride this has been so far!
I just read all 16 chapters in one go. This is amazing and wonderful. Manly tears, fist pumping, and all-around awesomeness. I LOVE this.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely cannot wait for the next chapter! I'm on pins and needles! All of your characters are great, and very personable! I like how each character feels well-placed, strong and unique. You've done a masterful job designing their personalities.
Two things...the bit with Firefly in the Dreaming just made me cry...that was so incredibly touching. I think it's because I've lost dearly beloved friends and relatives...I can easily picture myself in Dash's situation...
And Falalauria reminds me so much of how I picture Celestia. Wise, kind, deeply caring, and safe for the most part (her outburst did seem a bit sudden and a little out of character). I love how she seemed playful, even. I could easily picture Falalauria and Celestia as strong and fast friends. :)
Wonderful work!
I don't know about you but the world snake seems almost too large, too large to even notice, or care about the presence of three tiny ponies...
ReplyDeleteSweet! New chapter! And holy crap a world snake!!!
ReplyDeleteMan Fluttershy is the worst doctor ever.
ReplyDeleteJust. Just saying that now.
@Jetfire
ReplyDeleteCelestia might not really be that much of a plothole. Although Celestia is powerful, there's no reason why she HAS to be capable of teleporting all the way to the Archback Mountains. Her special talent is controlling the sun, so her powers my be mostly focused on that aspect alone.
Thus, it's possible she would have to fly there as well, and if it would take Rainbow Dash two whole days to get there, it would take Celestia at least that long. Thus, there's be only slightly more reason for Celestia to go than for Dash to go on her own. Possibly, even less, since it might not be a good idea for her to leave the Kingdom for that long, especially since she has to raise the sun. (Admittedly, I'm not far enough along in this yet to see any reason for Dash not to have flown there on her own besides the fact that her friends wanted to come too.)
Firefly! I think it is nice that you used an old pony from earlier shows. I didn't watch them then but I have seen a little since the pony fad. Firefly is just like modern Dash. Did Firefly really control lightning and are you using creative freedom with the hot/cold stuff? It seems reasonable. The Dreaming was trippy, it is kind of weird to have that kind of creative crazy stuff, like you are pushing the story too far. I'm on chapter 14, I might comment later.
ReplyDeleteGod damn son.Shit.Got.Real.
ReplyDeleteSo this is, huh? It's over with the next chapter(you said 18 earlier). All I can say is it's been one HELL of a ride.
ReplyDeleteI've been following this for a while(since ch 12 was posted) and I have to say this is just an all around amazing story. Very well written, gripping and thrilling, and most of all, AWESOME! The characters are characterized perfectly and your sense of world building is astounding.
I have one gripe though, and it's a tiny one. The GGG reference. I know now that this was started before the season ended, but if you take the entire thing as a whole, it's fits perfectly after the season ends. I don't know, but it just doesn't sit right with me that these three would go on a large world shaping quest, then suddenly everything they learned is forgotten, you know? I know that season two will have nothing to do with this(as it IS fan fiction), but the events of this seem to coincide with the gap between the two seasons in my opinion. Then again, you're the author, and this is your amazing story, so the wheel is yours to control. I'll be along for the ride, but I'll just ignore that one aspect, if you don't mind. :P
Gah, I'm going to be so sad to see this end, but I can't wait for the last chapter! I only have one piece of advice, though. Please, for the love of god, PLEASE take your time with the final chapter. I've seen way to many times a great fan fiction crushed by a rushed ending. We may want it out right this instant, but you are the only one who can write it. Hold off until it's ready, and we'll understand.
OH GOD!
ReplyDeleteOH MY GOD!
This may not end well.
I want it to end well but still this may not end well.
On a related note I think I know why they're called the Archback Mountains now...
OH SWEET LUNA ON A CHOCOLATE CUPCAKE.
ReplyDeleteNEED NEW CHAPTER.
NEEEEEEED.
The characterisation is really strongly done, and it must be good as I've just sat here reading all 16 parts in one go. :)
ReplyDeleteCrud!... Well they have living constellations it only makes sense they actually have one of those.
ReplyDelete"You didn't think it would be that easy did you?"(Kill Bill or Robot chicken: Easter Bunny[your pick])
We finally coming to the end and it's been one hell of a ride. I personally can't wait for the conclusion but I agree you should take your time and make it even more perfect.
"Now it's time for some Hulk versus Galactus action!"
-the Wachowski Brothers
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteThe author has been subtly shipping Dash and Rarity from the beginning. Seems to be popping up a lot more in the last couple chapters though.
Wait, when did Rarity actually talk about her new skill of teleportation to AJ and Dash?
ReplyDelete>The ground began to rumble.
ReplyDeleteAnd I just heard the Zelda boss theme kick in.
How the hell did you take my worst fears and find something even worse? At least with a balrog or an ancient, evil god you can talk to it, maybe reason with it, at least understand its motivations and desires.
Fucking Jormungand? Pure animal instinct, and big enough to be unstoppable to boot.
Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.
Oh crap oh crap oh crap write faster @_@
Another update? Your just hammering these out now. Well time to start reading.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI think it's less shipping and more "bromance", like in the waking-up scene. It's just the difference between "friends" and "brothers-in-arms". (Yeah, yeah, technically "sisters", you get the idea.)
@Anonymous
I think it minds when ponies poke it in the eye.
In the words of Obi-Wan Kenobi, "That's no ley line..."