Description: The origin story of little Derpy's cutie mark.Bubbles
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Alternate Ending by Bowtar
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280 comments:
Oh wow, I thought everything was going to be alright, which wouldn't make sense, but then the last paragraph...WOW, this is really good.
ReplyDeleteThere's something wrong with the rating system though, I can only give you five stars...
You made me shed man tears. Bravo, sir! Bravo!
ReplyDeleteI shed a man-tear.
ReplyDeleteI must be a callous person... not a tear was shed. Of course, I have spent the past couple of days watching "Here Today" by BeatleBrony on Youtube. I gushed like a fountain to that.
ReplyDeleteI watched the "Rainbow Dash Reading" version of this before I read it, and that butchering made me laugh, but after I read this story and began to understand what was actually going on I was creating manly tears.
ReplyDeleteGreat story its so sad and powerful i just wanna run and hug derpy, sniff great story, the alternate story was a nice add on for ppl who love a happy ending but the original was so emotionally powerful... Sniff i've said this in so many other comments but... I LOVE THIS FANDOM!!!
ReplyDeleteThe alternate ending wasn't really an alternate ending: it was more of an extended ending, extending it to a happier point in the story.
ReplyDeleteI sort of want "Mommy" to pay for being mean to Derpy, but Derpy loves her mother too much for me to want her hurt.
You know what, I don't think Derpy is actually retarded in this story, as she figured out how to use the bubble wand pretty fast. I think she's just severally physically disabled and her apparent retardation is caused by her lack of education, social isolation, abuse, and her physical disabilities.
ReplyDeleteTears were shed :(
ReplyDeleteGodammit I cant find any source that tracks me to the author! So ill write this here in case they read the comments.
ReplyDeleteDear Author,
I would like to use some elements of your story in my own fan fic, the fan fic will lead onto the alternate ending but I need your permission to use a particular element. The elements I would like to use are: Derpy's family situation and that she is abandoned by her mom. When I am done with the fan fic I would gladly give it to you for reviewing and approval.
I wrote this in the comments of your fan fic because I couldn't find a lead onto your personal profile, you Mysterious Mcmysterioso pants. Thanks for reading, please respond with a personal profile or email of some sort so I can dicuss the matter further.
AHHHHHHHHH!!! muffins are cupcakes relatives!!! Why cupcakes Why!!!
ReplyDeleteGod cuff hangar with no sequel. Thank goodness for the alternet ending thou
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete...I'm sorry guys. I really am. But personally, I didn't like this story too much. This may be due to my own stupidity, as I didn't actually get that Derpy's mother poisoned her until reading the comments. However, I feel that this story, as a whole, is hovering over the fine line between being heartfelt and sincere, and being cliche and trying too hard. The idea of 'writing from the point of view of a small/mentally handicapped child who is being abused by adults but doesn't realize it' is by no means original, and to me, a story would have to be almost perfectly executed to overcome the horrible weight of cliche dragging it down. And, as I am a generally intelligent person, the fact that I didn't understand the poison plot point during my first readthrough is not a good sign. In order to elicit an emotional response, the reader has to understand why they're supposed to be sad. But then again, this comment section is filled with people who got it on their first try, so maybe it's just me. In any case, I would say that a six-star rating is a little gratuitous. It's better than most stories, certainly, but after all the good things I'd heard about it, I was a bit let down.
ReplyDeleteMen don't cry, men WEEP.
ReplyDelete5/5 stars, very well written.
6/5
ReplyDeleteThis fandom is tearing open pieces of my soul long thought dead and withered, and that is a good thing.
She was obviously left in the Everfree Forest and she found her way to ponyville as a filly
ReplyDeleteI felt...dizzy, after reading the bit about her feeling sick after eating the muffins. I decided that she must have been poisoned by the mother...and it was as if I was floating around in a pool or spinning on the merry-go-round.
ReplyDeleteI have read Flowers for Algernon, but this story does remind me of a friend I had named Charlie (I'm not making this up). Now, Charlie did have problems with his eyes and he was a little slow, but not completely handicapped. I told him in the 1st grade that we weren't friends anymore because he ratted me out to the teacher for doing something (I want to say that it involved sniffing markers, but I can't remember how that's connected). I didn't really get to know him too well, but I do have mementos of sorts that I acquired over the years. Not sure about the order, but they were some things that I received in one way or another (some are gone, some are still here). A piece of broken, multicolored plastic, I know not where from, but he just randomly gave it to me one day. Another time I was given a camera lens with a case as well. I once exchanged a bowl of French fries for a banged-up Pikachu Game Boy Color (thinking on that now, he seemed kinda poor). Also, as my Secret Santa gift one year, I got a kid's telescope set or something (telescope, plastic scalpel, dropper, stirrer, etc. stuff). Last I heard he...well, he's in a bad way. I do wonder about him though and if our paths shall cross again.
Lastly, I did not cry, until I listened to A Summer Long Past that someone had a link to on here. I teared up a little, but the music made me picture Derpy sitting there, blowing bubbles, watching them in pure amazement and awe as they floated up to the heavens...
Very good story, I am very moved. I wish I could have been a better person before now.
Also, some potato salad, I believe, that he made for 4-H demonstration day. It was delicious!
ReplyDeleteSince there's a tag for "Grimdark As Fuck" there should be one as "Soul-Crushingly Sad", IMHO.
ReplyDeleteIf I ever lived in Equestria, I swear, I would find her mother and make her pay. NOBODY does those things to their child >:(
ReplyDelete5/5 for style. Minus 1,000,000 for making me cry.
ReplyDeletePlease do it again!
That was really sad, although I don't feel as affected by it as other people, it defiantly made the atmosphere very dim. Thinking back on the story I can't believe Derpy's mother would try to kill her :(
ReplyDeleteOne of the best fics I've read in a while
Excuse me, I need to gather my emotions
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis story moved me. I shed a tear. Wonderfully written, brilliantly done.
ReplyDelete6/5 stars, for sure.
I'm sorry, but I did not see why this story was so sad. Did I miss something?
ReplyDeleteyou son of a bitch, you ruined happy time!
ReplyDeleteright now is happy time, NOT SAD TIME!!!!!!
I think im going to regrett reading this...
ReplyDeleteIt felt like I was crying, but I think my tear ducts are plugged.
ReplyDeleteit brought a tear to my eyes. its just so beautiful and it really makes me feel like derpy is is lovable little daughter that i might be lucky enough to have one day.
ReplyDeletenothing has been able to give me tears since i was a small child. (before i was 10) and i feel alot more emotional around mlp... usually a rock is more emotional than i am. still great stories, the alternate ending made me happy.
must... not... cry...
ReplyDeletewhoever wrote this... props. simply props.
heart-wrenching in the best way. an optimistic innocence forced through trials and terrible events, and at the other side, that sparkling, pure innocence remains and survives. truly remarkable.
That was sad. But so well done. Good job!
ReplyDelete@Anonymous omg i love the way the story was told like derpy was trying to explain what she remembered, wow dude that was good really nice job im serious i had chills mainly from the way it was written jesus that was a great idea, props man.props.
ReplyDelete...Dang it, I'm depressed now.
ReplyDeleteIt was a good work, I wouldn't change a thing, but holy cow is it sad.
o.0 This wasn't all that sad.
ReplyDeleteI normally frown upon giving comic relief or otherwise funny characters tragic back stories but this I can accept. Mostly because I find this story totally believable, thanks in no small part to the absolutely stellar writing. 5/5
ReplyDeleteI knew it was coming, I heard about this one from a different story, My Sweetie, that had similarities, but things were different, and they were explained by Derpy in a letter to her adoptive daughter Sparkler. That one made me cry, only because Derpy survived the worst of the worst that was put on her. She only survived being left because she tried to find her way home, yet nearly drowned in the process, being stuck under a waterfall for about an hour, breathing through bubbles that escaped an under ground cave. That there made me cry. If I had read this one before that, I would be completely heart broken, but no... It all still makes me love Ditzy Doo all the more :)
ReplyDeleteNow I feel like a dick for laughing quietly at Derpy's appearances
ReplyDeleteThis story reminded me of a book called "the curious incident of the dog in the night-time"
ReplyDeleteIt is Exactly like this story.
good work 5/5
Wow. I haven't cried like that in a long time. It was so sweet but the ending made me so angry. that was the best fanfic i've read yet.
ReplyDeleteThe act of killing ones children is called filicide, ya I'm almost to tears here.
ReplyDeleteThis, on a technical level is a beautifully creative story.
Oh sweet Celestia, that was... horrid.
ReplyDeleteThe story itself was brilliant and well writ, but had it not been for that alternate ending, I don't think I'd be able to stop crying for a while...
I laughed... Jk I thought it was about derpy being fun loving as a child... Not knowing it would be sad because I listened to an audio recording, then that fckin @$$hole of a mom had to go and make my heart hurt... Literally, it still feels like I'm going to die it hurts so bad... But no tears, just watery eyes
ReplyDeleteBrilliant. Exceptionally original, heartfelt and ultimately beautiful. I loved this. I loved this so, so much. It's stories like this that inspire me to write. So thank you. Thank you sincerely.
ReplyDeleteBookmarked this page... Maybe someday I'll man up and read it.
ReplyDeleteSAD face
ReplyDeleteaww so sweet
ReplyDeleteIt wont load 4 me. :(
ReplyDeleteAfter reading the alternate ending/sequel, I will forever think of Raindrops as Derpy's sister.
ReplyDeleteThe story being told in 3rd person makes you realize how retarded Derpy is. its ok cuz daddy will teach you what it means
ReplyDeletethis was a stupid story.
ReplyDeletenow excuse me gentleman, but i must depart
this story was stupid, and you should be ashamed for ever writing it.
ReplyDeleteit is laughable how stereotypical you make her out to be, but u demonize the mother for openly admitting to it.
....And then Dash took mommy to jail. Then we had muffins and that made Derpy happy and they were even the purple muffins so she was very happy. Then me and daddy lived together alone for along time where I told him all of the colors and did not make a mess so it was very happy.
ReplyDeleteDERPY! NOOOOOOOOoooooooo D':
ReplyDeletehttp://www.fimfiction.net/index.php?view=referrers&story=19350
ReplyDeleteBecause EQD is being gay and says they are no longer accepting derivative works.
Oh...wow I have read alot of fanfics cupcakes,rainbow factory and sweet apple massacre granted they were disturbing but this was at the catergory of depressing with my little dashie and above rocket to insanity.
ReplyDeleteI'm running out of fanfics!!! HELP!!!
ReplyDeleteOh...wow I have read alot of fanfics cupcakes,rainbow factory and sweet apple massacre granted they were disturbing but this was at the catergory of depressing with my little dashie and above rocket to insanity.
ReplyDeleteWow...me and derpy are so alike, except i have mild autism. i don't feel so alone anymore. i wish derpy and i were friends :)
ReplyDeleteI honestly feel bad for Derpy's father. He truly loved her. ( A LOT more than I can say for the mom..) It would have been horrible to find oout your only child is missing. ;_;
ReplyDeleteIt sucks from going from sad derpy pictures (that did make shed some man gears) into this (which made if much worse). I really hate the mom and I love the dad. He love derpy for who she is and word can't really describe how much he loved her. The alternative ending was helpful. The overall story is sad but beautiful.
ReplyDelete@ohmybuddha
ReplyDelete* tears and it
....is this is joke or something? The only thing i readed was a cute happy little sotry about Derpy's childhood but nothing about her cutie mark? Is there a secret next story or something? Please tell me if i am worng but...i really can't see why this is sad :/
ReplyDelete@Anonymous, "I have an autistic sister. I will hug her more the next time I'm home."
ReplyDeleteYou touched my heart. That is true love and tolerance.
Very good-as good as some professional stuff I have read-the story is very stream-of-conscious, which is very hard to write in, incredibly effective because it really makes you think it is a child's point of view!
ReplyDeleteI think it is debatable if Derpy is actually mentally impaired or not,,,,,but then that it debated within the fandom!
I have to salute this author! I wish I could know who he or she is,,,,this is one of the most poignant, beautiful things I have EVER read,,,,the author of this is a master/mistress at putting this in a child's perspective,,,,I guess this makes me a Brony by default,,,,
ReplyDeleteI have to salute this author! I wish I could know who he or she is,,,,this is one of the most poignant, beautiful things I have EVER read,,,,the author of this is a master/mistress at putting this in a child's perspective,,,,I guess this makes me a Brony by default,,,,
ReplyDeleteunbelievable. Broke me down inside. It's a rare sight being able to see it from that kind of perspective.
ReplyDeleteI know somebody that is a parent of a mentaly challanged kid. When he became really sick and the doctors tried to get his mother to sign some papers to terminate his life, she turned them flat down and cursed them.
Some people may have a problem trying to comprehend the value of life. This story answeres that question perfectly
Did she just... ;_;
ReplyDeleteSomehow after reading my little dashie, I find it hard to cry after reading this story, though I must say that it's quite a sad story.
ReplyDeleteSomehow after reading my little dashie, I find it hard to cry after reading this story, though I must say that it's quite a sad story.
ReplyDeleteHow could you write that? Its so depressing... that is so sad and, and... *cries*
ReplyDeleteI know the author of this fic. I have given him many congratulations.
ReplyDeleteThat is the meanest mom I have ever heard! She poisoned here daughter with muffins and then deserts here in a forest with nothing but bubbles.
ReplyDeleteWow...that was a pretty good story.
ReplyDeleteThis has to be one of the saddest things I've ever read. Derpy used to be a funny background pony to me. Now, anytime I see Derpy, I will think of this soul-crushingly sad story. Damn you, whoever you are, for writing something so beautiful and powerful. Full marks.
ReplyDeleteThat bitch, I'll kill her!
ReplyDeleteI've been returning to this fic every year. And every time I cry so hard. I know Derpy is just a fiction character but this is too much...
ReplyDelete