• Story: Through A Glass Derply

    by
    [Normal] Some more Rainbow/Twilight non-shipping stuff.  Written by Thangol on the Order of the Stick Forums.   Apparently they are pony-crazy too.

    Author: Thangol
    Description:  Rainbow Dash has an embarrassing secret that Twilight tries to help her with.
    Through A Glass Derply
    Tuesday, March 8, 2011 op
    Labels: , , , , ,
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    19 comments:

    1. AnonymousMarch 8, 2011 at 12:37 PM

      Raining muffins? snowflakes that float up... Derpy is just awesome.

      ReplyDelete
    2. AnonymousMarch 8, 2011 at 1:13 PM

      This is why I like the Normal stories. It's more life lessons and friendship, and less LOL SECKS.

      ReplyDelete
    3. PrideMarch 8, 2011 at 1:31 PM

      This was great! I felt it was a little fast towards the end, but it was still very entertaining to read. 5 stars.

      ReplyDelete
    4. Cereal VelocityMarch 8, 2011 at 1:54 PM

      I liked this, but I'd also like to offer a few suggestions.

      At some points it was pretty obvious you were using a thesaurus- not that there's anything wrong with bigger words, but there was more than one place where you used one and it stuck out like a sore hoof. This happened more in the beginning than anywhere else.

      The story was also a bit scatterbrained in it's presentation. Like someone above me mentioned, it did get a bit rushed toward the end. Try next time to slow down and keep the pace you started with.

      Also, in your first paragraph you made a mention to a 'she' doing something before we knew it was Twilight. Try to name our viewpoint character immediately to avoid confusion.

      None of these things broke the story, though. I'd give it 3.75/5 muffins.

      ReplyDelete
    5. RefractedPegasusMarch 8, 2011 at 1:58 PM

      Having to get glasses always sucks if you're the cool one. At least Twilight helped with a good alternative in the end!

      Very fun read, I liked it.

      ReplyDelete
    6. PhoeMarch 8, 2011 at 2:01 PM

      Yay, all of my Order of the Stick buddies are slowly making their presence felt. Soon we shall rule absolutely nothing. Congrats on netting a larger audience, Thanqol.

      ReplyDelete
    7. HawkysuMarch 8, 2011 at 2:13 PM

      hehe, I went through the same thing when I got glasses.

      This was pretty good. It was disorganized a bit, but the overall story was very well done.

      ReplyDelete
    8. PacceMarch 8, 2011 at 3:31 PM

      It was a nice enough story, but a bit scattered. It jumped around so much that I often had no idea what was going on.
      I feel like I missed half the story.

      ReplyDelete
    9. ZarkanorfMarch 8, 2011 at 3:43 PM

      Normal stories are sometimes the best stories.

      A bit disorganized, but a very good lesson to be learned at the end. Well done!

      ReplyDelete
    10. ScherzoMarch 8, 2011 at 4:11 PM

      >Dash with glasses

      ...I might just have to try to take a stab at drawing that.

      ReplyDelete
    11. AnonymousMarch 8, 2011 at 4:13 PM

      I agree with Pacce, I found myself wondering if this was a sequel or a reference to something.

      ReplyDelete
    12. Darkhawk1March 8, 2011 at 4:53 PM

      Dunno what Twilight's complaining about- Muffin Season would be GREAT.

      At one point, you mentioned Dash having HANDS, though, so you might want to change that.

      ReplyDelete
    13. LucresMarch 8, 2011 at 4:58 PM

      ...That is an awesome title. I should have thought of that one, dammmit.

      Gotta read this one now.

      ReplyDelete
    14. 0March 8, 2011 at 5:02 PM

      Not bad. I thought the way it ended was fairly cute.

      ReplyDelete
    15. AnonymousMarch 8, 2011 at 5:30 PM

      >Rainbow Dash
      >Glasses
      My life is now complete.

      ReplyDelete
    16. ThanqolMarch 8, 2011 at 5:36 PM

      Darn it! Spelled my name wrong!

      Thanks for the comments and feedback!

      > At some points it was pretty obvious you were using a thesaurus

      I was not actually using a thesaurus, I *was* nerding it up in the early bit because it was from Twilight's viewpoint.

      > At one point, you mentioned Dash having HANDS, though, so you might want to change that.

      Pony grammar is harder than I thought it would be.

      > General disorganization

      Yeah, I wrote this in two hours during a business lecture (the kind that was a 11th grade lecture on philosophy), so the editing is a little poor.


      Thanks for the comments everyone! You are all the best.

      ReplyDelete
    17. AnonymousMarch 8, 2011 at 8:03 PM

      as my vision slowly blurs year on
      wearing glasses is the last thing on my mind

      ReplyDelete
    18. Midnight ShadowMarch 8, 2011 at 11:01 PM

      That was a really good normal pony story, so please write more. I do agree it jumps around a bit which makes the scanning awkward, but if you wrote it in about two hours that'll explain it, I know how easy it is to have an idea and have it fall onto the page like that. I don't know if we have a place for beta reading fanfics other than fanfiction.net, and that's rather heavy to use...

      ReplyDelete
    19. AnonymousMarch 9, 2011 at 4:06 AM

      Scroll of town portal LOL

      ReplyDelete

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