• Overanalyze This: Extraterrestrial Equines and Evolving Etymology

    Ponies! In! SPAAAAAAAAAAACE! Yes that's right, even as Friendship is Magic is set to begin its farewell tour the folks at Hasbro are determined to keep that horse-based moneymaker rolling on.  Here at Equestria Daily we've been given the honor of revealing the next generation series, Space Mares!  While we've been given access to some early screenshots and even an introductory trailer, the scary looking lawyer-types they've sent to each of our houses to glare disapprovingly over our shoulders have informed us that we cannot actually show any of them to you, or reveal too much information about the new show before they're released through official Hasbro channels.

    But they didn't say anything about entirely baseless and overly verbose speculation!  And that, as you all know, is 100% my jam.  So as we continue our all-day coverage of G5's announcement, I'm going to make like the huge friggin nerd that I am and absolutely tear apart what little information we have available to make wild inferences and ridiculous declarations that I'm sure that will be proven entirely accurate eventually.  Probably.

    Let's get the jump on those conclusions after the break!

    The part I want to focus on in particular happens at the :18 second mark in the exhaustively detailed 20-second teaser we've been given. In this scene, as the Starship Harmony dodges incoming laser fire from an enemy vessel, we hear the Xlarzon Empress shout "Destroy the Earth Ponies!"  This is of course a term we're all familiar with thanks to G4, but what makes this interesting is that just before this, during the scene at :15 seconds where the two ships have an extended parley, we can clearly see that there are no Earth Ponies present; the bridge crew is manned entirely by Unicorns (UNIversal Cyber-Organic Reality Nullifiers) and Pegasus (Ponies Engineered for Gaining Aero-Space Ultimate Superiority).  So what exactly does "Earth Ponies" mean in this new frontier?

    Just picture this, but like with horses and stuff.  NDA's are a pain.

    Back in G4, we knew "Earth Pony" to refer to the ponies most closely resembling actual horses, rather than the mythical pegasi or unicorn. It was never fully expounded on in the show, but it was generally accepted that "earth" in Earth Pony referred not to the planet they were from, but to the land which they held dominion over.  Clearly, with G5's new galactic backdrop we need to re-examine our assumptions.  With all ponies being uniformly referred to as "Earth Ponies" by the (presumably) non-earth ponies of outer space it seems pretty obvious now that the term Earth Pony is not a designator of species but rather point of origin.

    At this stage I feel it's relatively safe to assume that in G5, the ponies will in fact come from a planet named Earth, on which Equestria is but a single country or territory.  Now in any other analysis, that would probably end there- at the logical conclusion.  But this here is the kind of RAMPANT, UNINFORMED SPECULATION that our fanbase knows, loves, and quite frankly deserves.

    Pictured here:  You.

    At the :07 mark in the teaser, we can see Twilight Sparkle operating a time machine.  This part is admittedly a bit of a momentum killer as it shows her just sitting there reading the entire 50 page instruction manual verbatim and out loud to explain how it works, which frankly seems unnecessary for a teaser, but the end result here is that we know that time travel is going to play a major part in this series.  But then, at the :09 mark it cuts to another scene where the crew of the Harmony are on an exploratory mission to a planet designated Gamma-01, encountering life forms suspiciously reminiscent of the original G1 (see what they did there?) ponies.

    There is literally only one possible explanation to reconcile these facts: every single generation of My Little Pony is, and in fact always has taken place within the same universe, with each new iteration of the show occurring on its own unique planetoid in the greater Hasbro galaxy.  From there, we can infer that all other Hasbro properties (i.e. GI Joe, Jem and the Holograms, etc) also exist within this same universe as clearly proven by the fact that Pinkie Pie and Optimus Prime appeared together one time on a comic cover.

    Scoff all you want, but you can't argue with cold, hard facts.

    The implications of this are massive.  Now that we know that "Earth Pony" literally means a pony from Earth, that time travel is a thing, and also have conclusive, objective proof that all versions of My Little Pony take place simultaneously on different planets in the same universe,  what do you suppose the next logical conclusion we can draw is?  I'm sure you all know where I'm going with this.


    Yes, that's right.  With what we now know, we can now confirm that all the unicorns and pegasi that have appeared in G4 My Little Pony are in fact alien life forms.  At some point during the new series, the ponies of G5 will get sucked into a wormhole and stranded on planet Gamma-04, deep in the distant past.  There, they'll use their advanced astronomical and scientific skills to convince the primitive native life forms (the "Earth Ponies" if you will) that they control the sun and the weather to seat themselves in positions of power, eventually learning to peacefully coexist with the founding of a new Equestria and looping back to where Friendship is Magic first started.

    This is the only thing that could possibly make sense.

    I am very smart.

    It would be so much easier to explain this if I could just let you watch the same footage that we have, but even as I type this sentence the Hasbro lawyer is whapping me over the head with a rolled up subpoena. Obviously Hasbro is looking to make a huge first impression with Space Mares.  Not only is G5 set to be a massive shift in genre and tone, but it also appears set to completely retcon away nearly everything about G4 in the process.  A decidedly bold move on their part, for sure.  And all this interpolated from a mere 20 seconds of footage!  Imagine the kind of apophenia I could get up to with the full 30 second trailer!  At any rate, make sure to stick with Equestria Daily today for even more coverage of the new series.

    ~ The Skullivan