• A Guide to Pony Tears - Season Five

    Howdy folks! TheSlorg here with another installment of our series on pony tears. We've gone through the previous four seasons and counted all the weeps, wails, sniffles, and close calls, and have discovered, perhaps not surprisingly, that ponies do indeed cry. A lot.

    In season four we had Rarity overtake Twilight Sparkle as the series' teariest pony. With season seven fast approaching, it's time to dive right back in where we left off and have a look at all the times characters have cried in season five. Can Twilight make a comeback? How often did newcomer Starlight Glimmer cry? Check below for the answers to these questions and more!

    Before We Begin

    As usual, I will paste the following explanation from the previous posts in this series:

    So why bother with researching such a thing as pony tears? As we are all aware, the characters we know and love are a complicated lot, with a much larger emotional spectrum than what you might typically find in a show targeting the demographic that it does. Tearful moments are but one small part of that spectrum, but they do tell us a lot about one's personality!

    Additionally, watching an entire season of a series in search of something as specific as tears can be a daunting task. You have to ask yourself what, exactly, counts as crying, for instance. For the purposes of this article, I have skipped over a lot of close calls, or instances where a character came close to crying, but didn't quite make it. I didn't skip them all, however, and will make a note of them as they appear. The rest of the moments I have listed will either have visible tears, or will have the character's eyes visibly shimmering. This time around, I've also looked at why the characters cry, and will include an additional instance for each new reason they cry, even if the tears haven't technically stopped.

    Finally, as much time as I put into trying to keep the list as accurate as possible, there is always the chance that I missed a moment or two. There will also likely be some who would contend what, exactly, counts as crying. If you find anything I missed, or wish to challenge a moment that is listed here, feel free to comment below. And now for what we've all been waiting for, let the tears begin!

    Season Five

    The Cutie Map: part one - Season 5 breaks the streak of season openers being tearless! Pinkie Pie tears up when Spike accidentally stomps on her parents’ home on the Cutie Map. Fluttershy’s eyes get misty when Pinkie glares at her for enjoying Starlight Glimmer’s song.

    The Cutie Map: part two - Rarity cries after seeing the drapes in their prison cell. Party Favor tears up when Starlight is revealed to have her original cutie mark.  

    Castle Sweet Castle - Spike tears up at the sight of the Golden Oaks library. Twilight cries after the Golden Oaks roots chandelier is revealed.

    Bloom and Gloom - The season’s first tear-free episode!

    Tanks for the Memories -  Rainbow Dash cries, settles down, and starts back up again three times when Fluttershy forces her to face the reality that she will need to spend the winter without Tank. This has the knock-on effect of making Fluttershy, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie cry as well. It’s at this point that Applejack admits to crying on the inside, but we’re not counting it. Though Rainbow Dash’s eyes are still teary after her initial outburst, her tears are more of relief than the earlier grief, so we’re counting it as a fourth instance. Finally, Rainbow Dash cries a fifth time when Tank eventually hibernates.

    Appleoosa's Most Wanted - Braeburn’s eyes moisten when he mentions his injured foreleg, though it’s insinuated that he’s exaggerating the pain. Applejack sheds a single tear from laughter while watching Troubleshoes perform as a rodeo clown.

    Make New Friends But Keep Discord - Applejack is on a roll as she tears up at the sight of Apple Bloom in a gala dress.

    The Lost Treasure of Griffinstone - Pinkie cries after hearing the history of Griffonstone. Gilda tears up while remembering her friendship with Rainbow Dash. Pinkie cries and jumps into a canyon when Rainbow Dash falls off a ledge. She cries again when she, Gilda, and Rainbow hug near the end of the episode.

    Slice of Life - Lyra Heartstrings tears up when she discovers that Bon Bon isn’t who she thought she was. Matilda sheds a tear when Steven Magnet explains how devoted Cranky was. Shining Armor cries twice at the wedding. Steven Magnet’s eyes grow misty as he sees Cranky off at the wedding. He later cries full-on during Mayor Mare’s speech. Matilda tears up at the end of the wedding.

    Princess Spike - Fluffy Clouds, a pegasus first seen in Tanks for the Memories, cries when he describes how another pony took his seat.

    Party Pooped - Prince Rutherford and his two yak guards cry while Spike pretends to play the piano. Pinkie cries when she overhears her friends discussing how much they appreciate her. Prince Rutherford cries when Pinkie shows him why she loves Equestria.

    Amending Fences - Twilight cries when her attempts at befriending Moon Dancer fail. Moon Dancer has a complete breakdown while explaining to Twilight how she feels. While her tears technically don’t stop flowing, she switches to happy tears when confronted with ponies who wish to be her friend, so we’re counting it as a second instance. Twilight also wipes away a tear after she and Moon Dancer hug. Moon Dancer tears up one last time when Spike presents her with the group photo of her and her friends.

    Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep? - Spike’s eyes get misty when he learns than Luna dreamed of everypony but him. Princess Luna cries as she realizes they cannot contain the Tantabus. She cries again while describing what the Tantabus is.

    Canterlot Boutique - Rarity cries after her alterations to the Princess Dress are rejected

    Scare Master - Rarity tears up when Fluttershy scares her and her friends.

    Rarity Investigates! - The second tear-free episode of the season!

    Made in Manehattan -  Rarity cries dramatically when she and Applejack realize they’re not sure how to help Coco Pommel. Raspberry Beret, one of the Method Mares, cries as part of her performance as Charity Kindheart.

    Brotherhooves Social - The only tears shed were those of viewers at the end of the episode.

    Crusaders of the Lost Mark - Diamond Tiara cries on three separate occasions during “Pony I Want to Be.” Her eyes also grow misty when Sweetie Belle explains how the Crusaders overheard her mom yelling at her. Applejack, Granny Smith, Big Macintosh, and Apple Bloom ALL cry when Apple Bloom gets her cutie mark.

    The One Where Pinkie Knows - Despite appearances by the Cake twins, no tears were to be found.

    Hearthbreakers - Pinkie Pie cries when faced with having to choose whose Hearth’s Warming traditions everypony should honor. Applejack and Pinkie cry when they both feel as if they ruined Hearth’s Warming Day. They both cry again when Applejack leaves for the Friendship Express. Applejack breaks some kind of record when she tears up a 3rd time after finding the present that Pinkie left for her. Pinkie’s eyes get teary when Applejack returns to the farm.  

    What About Discord? - Twilight sheds some tears as she has a breakdown over her friends’ time spent with Discord.

    The Hoofields and McColts - Hacksaw McColt tears up at the sight of the ‘forgiveness cake.’

    The Mane Attraction - Coloratura has tears in her eyes as a filly during a flashback when she finishes the song she sung for the camp talent show. Applejack and Coloratura both cry during “The Magic Inside of You (I Am Just a Pony).”

    The Cutie Re-Mark: part one - No tears!

    The Cutie Re-Mark: part two -  Starlight Glimmer cries in a flashback to her childhood. She cries again in the present when explaining what happened in the past. She cries a third time while Twilight Sparkle attempts to reason with her. A fourth set of tears emerge as she begins to realize the error of her ways. Her eyes very subtly tear up a fifth time as she agrees to try to change.

    So Who Cried the Most?
    This season brought the feels with pretty much everypony crying at some point. Even Applejack turns on the waterworks, and newcomers like Starlight Glimmer and Moon Dancer each have a turn or three. Let's look at some numbers.

    Of the twenty-six episodes in season five, only five were tear-free. This brings the total to be eighty-nine out of one hundred and seventeen episodes to contain tears! That's 76% of all episodes. So there were plenty of tears, but how did everypony rank? Let's have a look.

    Here's a list of who cried in season five in order from least to most.

    • Apple Bloom - 1
    • Big Macintosh - 1
    • Braeburn - 1
    • Fluffy Clouds - 1
    • Gilda - 1
    • Granny Smith - 1
    • Hacksaw McColt - 1
    • Lyra Heartstrings- 1
    • Party Favor - 1
    • Raspberry Beret - 1
    • Yak Guard 1 - 1
    • Yak Guard 2 - 1
    • Countess Coloratura - 2
    • Fluttershy - 2
    • Matilda - 2
    • Prince Rutherford - 2
    • Princess Luna - 2
    • Shining Armor - 2
    • Spike - 2
    • Steven Magnet - 2
    • Moon Dancer - 3
    • Twilight Sparkle - 4
    • Diamond Tiara - 4
    As usual, it looks like members of the Mane Six will top our list. However, there are four of them missing from the list above! That's because not only did two of them tie for third, they also tied with a newcomer to the team:

    • Rainbow Dash - 5
    • Rarity - 5
    • Starlight Glimmer - 5
    • Applejack - 7
    • Pinkie Pie - 10

    And there it is. After hovering around the top five positions for the past few seasons, Pinkie Pie finally takes a well-deserved spot in first place. Unlike most of the other characters, Pinkie didn't really have any one episode that boosted her tear count. She was just emotional all season long, and while previous seasons have had her cry for laughs, many of this season's tears were more heartfelt.

    And would you look at who took second place this season? Applejack! She has gone from winning season three, to shedding no tears at all in season four, to nearly taking the crown this season! Not surprisingly, she shared a few emotional scenes with Pinkie Pie this time around.

    Not to be outdone, what a showing we have from the newbie Starlight Glimmer. She shed more tears for more reasons over the span of a few minutes than most other characters can claim over the entirety of the series! Rainbow Dash and Rarity share third place with her this year.

    In all, season five featured 70 instances of crying. A new record, toppling season two's 66. That puts season four in third place with 47 times tears were shown. Rounding it all out are season three's 41 instances, and season one's 31 instances. That bumps the grand total up to 255 moments of crying within 117 episodes. 

    Pinkie Pie may have claimed this season's crown, but what about the grand totals? Is Rarity still safely on top, or will somepony else claim that spot? Let's see.

    Here's the list again, from least to most:

    • Angel Bunny - 1
    • Berry Punch - 1
    • Braeburn - 1
    • Breezette - 1
    • Bulk Biceps - 1
    • Cream Puff - 1
    • Brown Dragon - 1
    • Cranky Doodle - 1
    • Daisy - 1
    • Fluffy Clouds - 1
    • Hacksaw McColt - 1
    • Harry Bear - 1
    • Lemon Hearts - 1
    • Lightning Dust - 1
    • Mane-iac - 1
    • Meadow Flower - 1
    • Noi - 1
    • Party Favor - 1
    • Pinkie Pie Clone - 1
    • Queen Chrysalis - 1
    • Raspberry Beret - 1
    • Red Dragon - 1
    • Seabreeze - 1
    • Seabreeze's Wife - 1
    • Sea Swirl - 1
    • Shoeshine - 1
    • Snails - 1
    • Teddie Safari - 1
    • Trixie - 1
    • Vera - 1
    • Windfall - 1
    • Yak Guard 1 - 1
    • Yak Guard 2 - 1
    • Countess Coloratura - 2
    • Discord - 2
    • Gilda - 2
    • Granny Smith - 2
    • Matilda - 2
    • PiƱa Colada - 2
    • Pound Cake - 2
    • Prince Rutherford - 2
    • Princess Celestia - 2
    • Pumpkin Cake - 2
    • Twilight Velvet - 2
    • Apple Bloom - 3
    • Big Macintosh - 3
    • Lyra Heartstrings - 3
    • Moon Dancer - 3
    • Princess Cadance - 3
    • Princess Luna - 3
    • Snips - 3
    • Shining Armor - 3
    • Steven Magnet - 3
    • Diamond Tiara - 4
    • Starlight Glimmer - 5
    • Sweetie Belle - 5
    • Scootaloo - 6
    • Spike - 14
    • Applejack - 16
    • Rainbow Dash - 16
    • Twilight Sparkle - 25
    • Fluttershy - 26
    • Pinkie Pie - 28

    She just won't be beat! Retaining the title of the teariest pony in all of Equestria is:

    • Rarity - 31

    So Rarity pulls it off once again, but Pinkie Pie is gaining on her fast! If Pinkie cried often in season six, she has a real chance of pulling off a last-minute victory here. She even cried enough to bump Fluttershy back down to third place.

    Interestingly enough, both of Ashleigh Ball's characters are tied for least-teary of the Mane Six. And in her debut season, Starlight Glimmer cried enough to surpass 54 other characters who have cried to come in at an impressive 10th place overall! But let's not let that overshadow a pony who has been here since season one, but only started crying now: Diamond Tiara. She sits in 11th place thanks to her redemption in Crusaders of the Lost Mark. Scootaloo remains the teariest Cutie Mark Crusader, and Lyra Heartstrings now stands alone as the background pony who cries the most. How long will that last, though? Princesses Luna and Cadance are now ties as the teariest princesses (not counting Twilight) thanks to Princess Celestia's complete lack of tears this season.

    And that's a wrap for season five! Can Rarity hold on to the top spot? Will season six reveal to us that Applejack actually isn't the mane pony who cries the least? Who do you think will be in the top spots for each category? And did you cry at all in season five. I still cry sometimes when I watch Crusader of the Lost Mark, and I've seen it 138 times (yes, I counted... and that includes reactions)!
    Let me know in the comments below!