• Story: Observatory Hill (Update Complete!)


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    Author: Jeffrey C. Wells
    Description: When Moonage Daydream, the loudest, most dazzling Pony Rock star in all Equestria pays a visit to Ponyville, almost everyone is excited -- except Twilight Sparkle, who just wants a quiet, dark place to do some stargazing. But when Princess Luna shows up and offers to help, will her solution be worse than the problem?
    Observatory Hill Part 1
    Observatory Hill Part 2
    Observatory Hill Part 3 (New!)

    Additional Tags: Normal, Twilight, Luna, stargazing, astronomy

    73 comments:

    1. Gee, some of you read fast. There are already a couple five star ratings.

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    2. Moonage Daydream? EPIC. An androgynous pony with a lightning bolt on his face.

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    3. @Hat
      Well... there are people who just keep giving 5 stars to some stories without even actually reading them.

      Me? Pff, of course not! He he...

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    4. Classic glam-rock reference in story description?

      Even though it's not about that, you have me reading. Well played author...well played...

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    5. Good work here, the characterization is spot-on at least as far as I can tell. I'm really looking forward to an update, this looks interesting. :)
      Also, first first-person pony fanfic I've ever read! Kind of unusual, but I have no issues with it.

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    6. Reading it now, Twilight in first-person eh? Never seen this before..

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    7. Little too much said bookism for me, but a decent fic nonetheless. Wonder what that rain check will be?

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    8. one of the mane 6 in first person doesnt seem to kick it for me
      great story nonetheless

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    9. Well written canon Luna! All her dialogue and actions feel entirely in line with something she would have done in the show. And, like in the show, the Canterlot voice is just as hilarious.

      Nice use of first person, as well. I haven't read very many first person pony fanfics, so this is a breath of fresh air. I suppose at the very least, its a good way of getting into the protagonist's head (in this case, Twilight) and keeping them in character.

      Overall, well done, 5/5. I'll look forward to the next parts!

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    10. I don't suppose you mind some constructive criticism.
      Your Twilight Sparkle could be a bit more thought out on her choice of words and analytic, for lack of a better word.
      I'm liking the story though.

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    11. I really like your characterization of Princess Luna and her wonderful CANTERLOT VOICE. I wonder what this adventure will teach Twilight and Luna? I sense you're hinting at maybe having Luna try to overcome some still difficult pre-Nightmare Moon memories and feelings. Your use of Twilight's POV is very good too, very Twilight-y (yes, that's a word).

      Luna is best princess... ^^

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    12. I mean, first person only works if you can relate to the character...so its kind of kills the moment for allot of readers who don't think they are Twilight Sparkle

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    13. Ok, now I really want to read more of this. Can't wait for more now.

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    14. This is the BEST FIC EVER! ******! "O CURSED BE MY LACK OF IMPULSE CONTROL!"

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    15. @Desert Rose

      You ever read Faulkner's "The Sound and the Fury?" It's one of my top there novels. Many of the first person perspectives therein are completely unreliable, totally unrelatable (one hopes), but nevertheless brilliant. I don't think you have to think you are a mentally incompetent castrato to enjoy that book anymore than you have to think you are Twilight Sparkle to enjoy this!

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    16. Heh... this was a lot of fun! I didn't find the first-person to be distracting at all, and it allowed for some humorous, unspoken commentary from Twilight. Luna was hilarious as well... it should be an interesting road trip between the two of them.

      I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

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    17. FREAK OUT IN A MOONAGE DAYDREAM!

      Oh well, i'll read this just because of David Bowie

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    18. I'm not normally a fan of first person, but this came out rather well. I like how you portray Luna. Very few authors have handled her as she appeared in canon that I've seen.

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    19. @Quilton

      I'm attempting to write my own fanfic involving Luna right now, and she's a tricky character to get right. You have a single episode and the very end of another to go by - there's a lot of room for personal growth, but it's still difficult to get her character right.

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    20. Looking forward to the next part! 5/5 from me! =D

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    21. It sound like something that could actually happen in the show. Good job!

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    22. Huzzah, possible TwiLuna. =D

      Characterization was spot-on, with kudos especially to Luna, though Twilight could have been a bit deeper in-character I guess? You've captured and mirrored canon-style pretty much in all the interactions, which is in your favour (and possibly why your characterization is so accurate). This felt like a oneshot, and I was kinda let down after reaching the end of the chapter, but we'll see what happens. A nice read, 4/5 for now. =)

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    23. You guys. YOU GUYS. This is the Jeffrey Wells who writes Skin Horse.

      AUTOMATIC 6 STARS.

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    24. No Twilight. Just NO. Fuck astronomy. Go get wasted and headbang until your neck feels like you just spent the night with Rainbow Dash.

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    25. This is by Jeff from Skin Horse?? Take all my 5 stars, all of them!

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    26. lol I think I know where this is going. Should be very amusing. 5/5

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    27. wow, neat story so far! Like others I dig the first person Twilight, and of course that canterlot voice rocks. Oh, and your story is excellent too :) Looking forward to updates!!

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    28. @Sir Fluffington

      Yep, same guy! (I'm a Narbonic/Skin Horse fan too!) If you like this, you should also read his MLP/House M.D. mash-up "Housecall" on his LiveJournal page. I thought it was hilarious, but ED refused it for some reason.

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    29. Well, I'm pretty thoroughly enjoying this. Looking forward to the next part.

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    30. @Pyrobug

      Yes, I like where this is going!

      PS: Why, after updating everything I could think of, can I still only post by reply on my lapton, while all posts in the regular comment box vanish. >:/

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    31. Nice story, there is only 1 small little problem: You can never know that a start will be born tonight, because (as Twilight explained correctly) there is nothing faster than light and so nothing can "tell" you that there will be some light from a new star soon.

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    32. Moonage Daydream? I love that comic. The story was pretty good too. You really captured the Mane 6's voices even with such a short amount of exposure they had in this story. Looking forward to more.

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    33. I would've guessed that the pi(e) dimension would be so close to the 3rd dimension;

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    34. I would totally want to try a slice of inky void summoned pie. Another good chapter... I thought the suggestion that Celestia was using Twilight to relearn friendship herself was an interesting one, and Luna is correct... Twilight and her checklists are adorable.

      Now to find out what harm could come from Luna turning the heavens on a whim... Bring on the next part.

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    35. I love your characterization of Luna in this! Very, very accurate. For some reason, the Royal Canterlot Voice is funnier in writing.

      And despite it being written in first person, you're capturing how I would imagine Twilight would think really well. Bravo!

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    36. Luna cannot resist showing off, it seems. Twilight, this is one problem person you're not going to bring under control

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    37. Really, Luna "moving" the stars doesn't make any sense, but the device is employed in such a fun manner here.

      Although one must wonder how she's achieving that effect at the end--the stars "move" around Earth because the Earth is spinning, it's an optical illusion. However, the MLP world doesn't seem to do that, so that would mean all of the stars have to revolve around Equestria (it's literally the center of a universe), so that would mean Luna is either reversing the flow of time outside of Equestria, or she can simply pick up all of outer space like it's a giant sphere around Equestria and move it as a whole without actually affecting the stars within.

      Or, you know, magic. Don't gotta explain #$%^.

      I'm interested in this Cloverlord; is he their father? It wasn't explicitly stated, but I think it was implied.

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    38. I did a doubletake when i saw the author name too, and fangirled a little. Yeah, if you guys haven't read narbonic or skin horse, rectify that.

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    39. So, I read it and gave it the five stars it justly deserves. Then, I happened to glance t the author name...

      Jeffery Wells. JEFFERY FREAKING WELLS wrote a ponyfic.

      My day is made hard.

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    40. This is developing into an excellent piece of fanfiction.

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    41. The first chapter was a lot of fun. It's always great to see the characters we love reacting to a slightly absurd situation, and this does not disappoint. It's well-written and consistently funny throughout. Luna's entrance in particular was one of the funniest things I've read in a while.

      The second chapter, though, was a step above. There's some genuine angst in there, but it's done in such a way that it doesn't detract from the humor at all. Parts of it are moving, and it still keeps the zany atmosphere throughout. I am super excited to see where the third chapter takes this.

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    42. Okay, Jeffrey; You've got me hook, line and sinker. I'm absolutely loving the all-is-not-necessarily-forgiven direction that you're taking with Princess Luna. It's actually pretty realistic and a needed change from the All-is-forgiven-without-reservation wangst that a few stories (good as they are otherwise -- I don't begrudge *any* Lunafic it's 5 or 6-star rating) have. Keep going with this! I'll *DEFINITELY* keep reading it!

      P.S. Is there any way to get this turned into .pdf files?

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    43. o_O You just need like 6 more comments and this will be a 6 star story. (I agree with this story being 6 stars.)

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    44. @Ice Storm

      Luna was going to rip open the walls between dimensions just to get Twilight a pie...

      Now THAT'S how to properly abuse God-like powers! :D

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    45. Lmao, this is hilarious! Also love the sneaky srsbsns topics in between the royal canterlot lines.

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    46. So far I definitely think the inter-dimensional pie joke was the funniest thing this story had going for it. Just to get a pie, she would summon it from the cold void between existences. Awesome.

      I love the over the top Luna action sequences. (the "we think we can take this chump" make me laugh). Really utilized her Luna Eclipsed personality to great success, and I could almost see this being an episode.

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    47. Seems like a good place to end it, but if you want to throw in story arcs I won't stop you. :D

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    48. Wonderful story. You don't see cannon Luna much, and you did her amazingly. You also not only pulled off first person, but did it just as good as a third person. Bravo!

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    49. Really well written, it does have a feel of being an episode translated to text rather than something that is trying to be more than the show itself is. Well written, and this would be a good episode if it were one.

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    50. Oh Luna...It was a nice story, would read more like this.

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    51. This was a great fanfic. I'm looking forward to more from this author.

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    52. I believe Luna could have taken that chump indeed. This was a lot of fun, cleverly written with some good action and even a show-appropriate lesson at the end. I loved canon Luna, especially how she never turned warm and cuddly. Excellent job!

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    53. looks like i have more reading to do today :)

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    54. Wonderful story, great portrayal of Luna.
      And adorkable Twilight being adorkable.

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    55. Heee. My quote of the day is totally "We believe that we can take this chump." Awesome.

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    56. Loved the fic - the characters felt very true to the show. And I'm a huge Narbonic and Skin Horse fan. Thanks for venturing to a new fandom, Jeff!

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    57. "THEREFORE, PREPARE THYSELF AS I SUMMON THY CONFECTION FROM THE INKY VOID BETWEEN THE WORLDS!" Ah, that cracked me up.

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    58. I love your portrayal of Luna. I think a lot of people are intimidated by writing her canonically and shy away from it.

      One nitpicky thing, though. Thou, thee and thy are singular pronouns while you and your are plural (I normally wouldn't take much issue with it, except for the fact that they are very good about this on the show). Luna shouldn't be addressing Twilight as "you" or the citizens of Ponyville as "thou".

      If you're going for the whole "Luna's trying to talk like a normal pony thing and keeps slipping up" then disregard 90% of this comment, otherwise:

      Here are some things, with the changes marked in parentheses, keep in mind I'm not an expert and might be making mistakes-

      "YOU (THOU) ARE (ART) MOST WELCOME, TWILIGHT SPARKLE! IT IS FITTING THAT YOUR (THY) BOON BE FIRST AND GREATEST, FOR WE OWE YOU (THEE) MUCH -- BOTH FOR FREEING OUR HEART FROM THE DARK POWERS OF ENVY, AND BY TEACHING US TO ACT IN A TOTALLY NORMAL AND NON-THREATENING FASHION!"

      "Where is't (is - est verb ending is only for second person singular) everypony?"

      "SPEAK AND RECEIVE YOUR (THY) HEART'S DESIIIRE!"

      "We are pleased that thou seems't to enjoy your (thy) boon"

      "I needs't (need) to make some reparation of the tremendous debt between myself and thou, Twilight Sparkle. How about a brand new telescope?"

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    59. Cannon Luna is best Luna! You handle her (and Twilight) very well and the story is delightful!

      Write more.

      Lots more!

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    60. Absolutely love this take on the whole plot arc of Celestia and the 6. I'd think it was the real plot if it didn't feel too dark for the show itself. Has a whole air of methodical scheming to it that just feels right.

      Not a fan of the 1st person thing, but absolutely first rate characterisation and plot syncing. Could totally be an episode in the making :)

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    61. I had to take a break halfway through reading the third chapter because laughing this hard is destroying my sore throat and tea was required. Channing, you magnificent bastard.

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    62. Pretty great story. Very show-worthy feel to it. Only thing missing in my book is a review from the concert goer-s of how their night went. Also feel the Ursa are a little overused, could have gone with an alternate star beast.

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    63. Too short. I am disappoint.

      (I loved it)

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    64. This was awesome! Great job! I'm also a big fan of skin horse.

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    65. Just started reading: amusing, and I like the bit about Ursa Majors only being active "when the stars are right" .... :)

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    66. Finshed it...and oy.

      Having Luna move the heavens, _visibly_, when we have already established that the light from the star takes 1300 years to get here? I suppose I could come up with some sort of no-prize explanation as to how it just _looks_ like she's moving the stars in real-time, but my suspension of disbelief was NUKED FROM ORBIT. Sorry.

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    67. Also, on the off chance that any of the above commentors are still reading, thanks for all the feedback! I've incorporated a couple changes suggested by the crowd. Sorry it's taken me so long to reply; I'm not a terribly active poster on this site. Cheers to all!

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    68. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    69. @Bruce: No need to be sorry, Bruce. It doesn't actually make a lot of sense. A hypothetical sequel-of-sorts (probably permanently delayed because of "Skin Horse" and related topics) has a scene where Twilight is in total brain-lock trying to reconcile a heliocentric system with the fact that her mentor pushes the sun around at will. I don't envy Pony astronomers, is all I'm saying. :)

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