 |
| Source |
[Grimdark] [Crossover] Ponies and ponies and ponies and ponies. Sing the song, but now imagine you're in a dark alley and you're being watched.
Author: Redback Spino
Description: Deep among the trees, in the darkest thickets of the Everfree Forest, something is stirring. Who is this creature? Where did it com from? And what does it want with a certain purple unicorn?All Links after the break!
Ever Watching: Chapter 1
Ever Watching: Chapter 2
Ever Watching: Chapter 3
Ever Watching: Chapter 4
Ever Watching: Chapter 5
Ever Watching: Chapter 6
Ever Watching: Chapter 7
Ever Watching: Chapter 8
Ever Watching: Chapter 9
Ever Watching: Chapter 10
Ever Watching: Chapter 11
Ever Watching: Chapter 12
Ever Watching: Chapter 13 (New!)
Additional Tags: Mystery, Lovecraftian, horror, supernatural, paranormal
76 comments:
Grimdark is the new thing, definetely gonna read it
ReplyDelete"Look at image" Hrmm... Ok so it looks Grimdark.
ReplyDelete"Looks at Tags" Well definitely Grimdark!
"Looks at Additional Tags" Lovecraft, WHELP LOOKS LIKE I GOT A NEW STORY TO READ.
...what song is that supposed to be? "Ponies and ponies and ponies and ponies."
ReplyDeletemore slendermane?
ReplyDeleteWell, it's worth a read.
Slendermane i like the pony puns do we have one for Cthulhu yet!
ReplyDeleteSlenderman crossover? AWESOME!!
ReplyDeleteom nom nom lovecraftian grimdark
ReplyDeleteMOAR PLEASE! :D
@SneakyRangerREX cthoovehu?
ReplyDeleteWhile there have already been two Slendermane fics, this one is by far the best. It maintains the air of mystery, while still chilling the reader at times.
ReplyDeleteI dont normally go for Grimdark but I'm defintely gonna follow this one, awesome job!
ReplyDeleteHm. Wondering if this is more Marble Hornets, what with the Operator's icon in the header image.
ReplyDeleteLOVECRAFTIAN
ReplyDeleteSQUEE
FUCK NORMAL TAGS, GRIMDARK 4 LYFE
@waffle911
ReplyDeleteAll I can think of is the background music for Pony vs. Pony
http://ponyvspony.artix.com/
Lovecraftian? i might have to pass on this one.
ReplyDeleteSon of a.....ok...I have had 3 slendermane fanfics open in my tabs for 2 weeks. I keep putting them off because...actually I don't know why, and now this pops up. I actually opened up a new EQD tab from one of the fanfics.
ReplyDeletePretty nice fic, here. Could use a bit of editing, but I'm definitely looking forward to seeing where this goes.
ReplyDeleteThe story is off to a good start. I'll be watching this one.
ReplyDeleteWhat is lovecraftian?
ReplyDelete@Kat Tishigiri "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lovecraftian_horror"
ReplyDelete@Kat Tishigiri
ReplyDeleteThe term Lovecraftian is used to describe any such story that has a tone or feel of the writing s of H. P. Lovecraft. Which is to say creepy and usually involving terrifying and ancient things from beyond the threshold of space that bleed through into our world and drive people insane.
His stories are mostly public domain now. Go have a look.
http://www.hplovecraft.com/writings/fiction/
This is shaping up nicely, it seems to be sticking to the Marble Hornets version of the myth.
ReplyDeleteLovin this. Although Lauren saying she doesn't want to use modern technology comes to mind. Since MLP is set in the medieval fantasy-ish times. And exceptions only if magic is involved.
ReplyDeleteBut whatever. I just thought cameras were ok, but video recorders MIGHT be crossing the limit?
Other than that, there's too little for me to judge. Just that so far it's awesome.
All this appearing right after me and my friends nicknamed the creepy bunnies in season 2 "slenderbunnies" :|
ReplyDeleteNoo! Keep your filthy tentacles off of Twilight Slendermane! D:
ReplyDeleteIf your desired effect for this chapter was shedloads of horror and squickiness, then you have achieved your aim with me. That scene with the creature (God of the Everfree Forest?) and Twilight was so creepy that I couldn't help but shiver and cry out in disgust.
ReplyDeleteIt was awesome. Poor Twilight.
twilight: AAAAAAAAAAH
ReplyDeleteslendermane:...
Jay: this shit is so going on youtube
I'll out and out say it:
ReplyDeleteThe Slendermane raping scene (I won't dance around the issue - that's exactly what it was) was without a doubt one of the cringiest, more disturbing things I've read on this site (I don't read much horror). Considering the mood of the story, it fits perfectly.
I'm liking this so far, but I think I caught a mistake. The cameras had flashes on them, right? But when Slendermane came for her, Twilight could only see his silhouette. She only saw what he was when she looked at the pictures the next day, and in the pictures there was a camera flash that went off as he was grabbing her up. Wouldn't she have seen him from the light of the flash blub?
ReplyDeleteBUT WAIT! IVAN HAVE SOLUTION!
In my head, I'm gonna say that it was a 'magical invisible flash bulb' made especially for night photography. It provides light that shows up on the picture, but doesn't disturb whatever night creature you're photographing.
Read these while listening to this song:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O292KICg8_s&list=FLHZBtkhwagB65CJKiO2WMWg&index=2
ReplyDeleteCreepy as hell.
That last scene in chapter 3... *shudder* Here's hoping this doesn't end like that one other "Slendermane" story on the site, with Twi becoming a monster herself.
ReplyDeleteThis one is better than the other 2 Slendermane fanfics by far.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant story.
Twilight's lost... ZE MAGICKS.
ReplyDeleteAwesome new chapter btw : )
Kind of a short chapter but it sure did open the way for revealing a lot about what's going on. Can't wait for the next.
ReplyDeletenice homage to the darkharvest00 series with the collective knowledge, loved it.
ReplyDeleteMarble Hornets meets ponies. I love it! Definitely going to keep my eye on this one.
ReplyDeleteNot a good story to read hiding under my covers at night with an IPod.
ReplyDeleteJust finished reading it so far.
ReplyDeleteBefore FiM, I didn't get, well, horrified by horror stories. Chapter 3 was horrifying. Great job so far.
Uh, Chapter 7's broken. Will check back later, I guess.
ReplyDeleteHate
ReplyDeleteEverything.
Fear
Only
Understanding
Nothing.
Don't
Miracles
Exist?
Remember my message?
For once, I nedd Trollestia's help, and Teech as well. Maybe Luna can help too.
Hell
Exists.
Leave this
Place at once.
Make peace.
Enjoy life.
Lovecraftian?
ReplyDeleteIf Twilight is going to face Lovecraftian horror, perhaps she could face a Hasbrolovecraftian horror - the Inequinoids.
I wake up to a new chapter of Ever Watching and a new Marble Hornets entry. Slenderman is out in force today.
ReplyDeleteHere come Celestia and Luna. All hell's about to break lose.
ReplyDeleteSHIT. It's SLENDERMANE.
ReplyDeletePlot holes... so many plot holes..
ReplyDeleteFirstly, i found it strange that Twilight wasn’t the slightest bit hesitant about meeting Talisman. How on earth did Twilight & company know that Talisman was on their side? In fact, given that he had been stalking Twilight, and that Pinkie described him as a strange pony, I’m pretty sure any sane pony would want to stay clear of Talisman. Furthermore, after noticing the run-down state of his house, surely the mane 6 would be apprehensive or even scared of Talisman. But instead of getting the heck out of the house, they decided to have a nice, friendly chat with him.. Umm... yea. I also recall that Twilight returned to her library at night even after the incident with Slendermane. Now, she already knows that it is easy as pie for the monster to get her through her bedroom window, yet she showed no hesitation in deciding to sleep alone, in her bedroom, at the very same vulnerable spot which obviously offers no security against the monster.
Moving on, it was unrealistic that the mane 6 had to cut short the visit with Talisman simply because “it’s getting late”. Imagine this: Your best friend was just attacked by a hideous monster that is dangerous as hell. You’ve seen what the monster looks like and it scares the shit out of you. You probably fear that this... thing might come and get you next. Now, you’ve found someone that knows a little about this monster and what it does. Naturally you would want to gather as much information as you can from this pony. You’ll want to find out every possible way to protect yourself from it. But instead, what happens in the story is that Twilight simply says something like “oh it’s getting late, I better go.” Why would Twilight care about the time when her life itself is in danger? Shouldn’t gathering information should take priority? My solution to this would be: After the clock strikes 6, mention that the mane 6 initially wanted to stay on for a longer time, but then they realise that if they do, they’d have to travel home in the dark. The prospect of walking back home in the dark, deserted streets scared them. Getting Talisman to say something like ‘This is about all i can tell so far’ would also work. This problem just needs a few lines to make it more realistic.
I’m surprised that Twilight didn’t ask Talisman about all the crossed out photos of the unicorns pinned up on his wall. I thought that’d be the first thing she’d ask, given that Twilight did get a huge shock when she saw herself up there as well. It’s unlikely that that’s gonna slip out of her mind. Perhaps this would be brought up in later chapters.
There’s this logical gap in Chapter 8. This is what happened: Talisman saw the masked pony and gave chase. In the forest, they decided to capture and masked pony. BUT BUT... after the masked pony gets injured, they were about to leave the forest, leaving the masked pony behind.. WTF?!. They chased after this pony all the way to the freaking Everfree forest, they finally got him after a struggle, and they were intending on leaving him there?! This hardly makes sense. Twilight would have naturally wanted to keep an eye on this pony and try to extract as much information as she can over a few days or something like that. And whats worse was that Twilight actually LET fluttershy keep him! Fluttershy wasn’t the tiniest bit afraid of the masked pony at all! She was like ‘oh poor thing imma take care of you..’ Furthermore, how could Twilight do such a thing? She let her really timid friend take care of a vicious, strange pony that she herself hardly knows anything about, this is really unlikely...
I really think that the forest scene in chapter 8 can be improved on greatly. Twilight didn’t seem nervous or uncertain at all. There needs to be more of the “OMFG whats happening?! What should i do?!” type of feeling. It’s also weird that none of the ponies felt like they needed to get the heck out of the forest ASAP because of the dangerous monsters and Slendermane lurking around.(They know that Slendermane resides in the forest)
As for the OC pony Talisman, he is described to be traumatized by the Slendermane experience, to the extent of not wanting to sleep or something like that. For somepony thats been scared to that extent, he speaks rather... ordinarily.
ReplyDeleteI know i’ve written paragraph after paragraph of critiques, but i did actually enjoy this story so far. I liked the ideas brought up in the story, the Vita energy idea for example. That Vita machine thing sounded pretty cool and was pretty well described.
The first chapter had a nice buildup of creepiness. First you started off with just a strange appearance in the night. A strange sighting, a feeling that something was amiss. And then it built up to an attack by the creature. I liked the description of that tentacle sprouting out from the creature, really creepy.
The excitement builds as Twilight’s friends find out what happened. They are now all dragged into story as well. It’s gonna be such an adventure! I can see the plot deepening as more and more characters are getting involved in this. By the end of Chapter 8, Celestia herself comes in, this could make things really epic!
Oh hey! Awesome! Trying to say a being like the Slender Man is stronger than a god.
ReplyDeleteSlow claps.*
The Slender man is only a means to an end, in reality it's weak as fuck.
It's like you don't even bother listening to the comments...
ReplyDelete@Xain- 1. You have to remember that there are several interpretations of the Slenderman. There is no single absolute story of the Slenderman. Every person who has created media based around him have come up with something new for him. All I have done is incorporate elements of the existing mythos that I feel work well together, with some ideas of my own. If you do not like my interpretation, you can read something else. There are many other Slendermane/slenderpony fics out there.
ReplyDeleteAlso..."In reality"? You do know he doesn't really exist, right?
2. Yes, I have been reading the comments, and I am pleased by the notable lack of anything comlpetely negative until you came along. Even Minty, with all their flaw-pointing-out, admitted that they enjoy the story. Thank you everypony, for your kind comments and critiques. This (mostly) positive track record has been what has kept me going with this story, and encouraged me to consider more stories when this one is over.
Yours truly, Redback Spino
Also, just a quick note, there was supposed to be a new improved version of the artwork, but I'm not sure what happened to it. With any luck, it should be up in a few days
ReplyDeleteLove the Slenderman Mythos and stories, and just the character itself. To me, for some reason, even though he was simply made up on the internet, he's one of the most interesting horror monsters I've come across. :D Glad I found this fic, I like your interpretation of him/it.
ReplyDelete@Redack Spino
ReplyDeleteexcellent! i spent pretty long typing out that page of a review... hehe
I'm also writing a horror fic, though its got nothing to do with Slendermane.
Dude, plot holes, and OOC's in abundance. I'm not even close to joking here.
ReplyDeleteRegardless of what you might think, the Slender Man literally IS the weakest mythos out there.
Yes, in reality, because let's face it, both are fictional, and a double negative is in itself different, yet same from a double positive.
ReplyDeleteMeaning Celestia - God + elements of harmony = LOLNOPE.AVI none of that matters Slender Man scares even gods, and all of her friends are of doing jack-diddly.
Hey, does a Hydrogen Bomb play a part in your story?
Protip: In all of these iterations, the Slender Man has never been referred to as the Operator itself. It's only been implied with no real basis.
ReplyDeleteAlso, don't point out the obvious, it's annoying.
I find it highly amusing that this is probably the best Slenderman fic I've read :P
ReplyDeleteAlso love the shout outs to Marble Hornets.
ponies and ponies and ponies and ponies and ponies...........
ReplyDelete"dude, thats creepy"
Quick note: Sorry folks, looks like I forgot to adjust the privacy settings for the latest chapter. It should be fixed now....Though the same cannot be said for the new cover picture, which, once again, they forgot to change.
ReplyDeleteJUST GIVE HIM 20 BITS!!!
ReplyDeleteClaps*
ReplyDeleteOkay, I'm done here.
Read the whole thing, and now I'm sad until the next chapter.
ReplyDeleteOH MAN! there is a cupcake reference in the 12th part that was hilarious :D
ReplyDeleteInteresting that a fourth dimensional eldritch seems more capable than what is generally considered a deity. Usually I'd be inclined to think that perhaps the Sisters were in fact fourth dimensional eldritch who adapted to our realm; Discord himself is probably Fourth also. All this being said, the Master's powers don't seem to be all that much so far (bordering on nonexistant aside from the efforts of his cultists up till now). It certainly's got nothing on even the lowest level Lovecraftian eldritches. It needs Vitae just to stick around, needs mortals to capture energy sources, and so far has shown very few inpony abilities. And yet, the stronger of the Sisters is reduced to a gibbering wreck at the mere image of It. What gives? :/
ReplyDeleteI mean, it's almost comical the way they react with such terror to something barely taller than a tree that just kind of stands there until Its cultists go and do all the work for It. The Mane Six have fought Ursa Majors, manticores, a mad goddess, and the embodiment of entropy and come out on top, so should an extremely weakened and limited Fourth be that big of a deal?
@The Wandering Magus
ReplyDeleteNot going to spoil anything, but come next chapter, you are really in for a surprise.
ponies, ponies, ponies, more ponies...
ReplyDelete"uhhhhh ok then"
I had no clue what a "Slenderman" was. Checked it out. I'm bucking terrified.
ReplyDelete@BeezelPony
ReplyDeleteI was met slenderman last year. I think slenderman is a pretty cool guy eh has arms nd stuff and doesnt afraide of anything
final chapter???
ReplyDeletewell, all good things come to an end, so does slendermane, D:
Eeep At that ending!
ReplyDeleteGood job though was an enjoyable read.
Also just a couple of errors I spotted in that final chapter:
“Right, right…so basicwiligt replied"
"Twilight was truck with a thought"
dont look behind you.
ReplyDelete@Tyranoman
ReplyDeleteFix'd. Thanks for pointing those out.
This sounds like something I must read. Like, now. NOW!
ReplyDeleteI didn't hate the ending, but I also didn't like it =/. I just don't like the "jump-scare" endings.
ReplyDeleteDon't look behind you...
ReplyDeleteThat was perfect! I loved this story!
Just finished reading the whole thing from start to finish. I enjoyed the story, but what was the point of the camcorder? As far as I can tell, it's never mentioned after Twilight gets attacked by Slendermane.
ReplyDeleteI haven't been keeping up on my Slenderman mythos, but I don't think I've ever seen It portrayed getting hurt, let alone defeated. Although I did have an idea for a fic that involved Slenderman (as a humanoid, because I think that's more eldritch to ponies), but not necessarily as the main villain. He would probably have to be defeated too, though, eventually.
*Possible Spoilers*
ReplyDeleteI've enjoyed following this story. I felt the ending could have been done better, wither with a total victory on the side of good or evil, or with a more subtle "you haven't really won" moment. Twilight's mannerisms after the horrors she witnessed were more than enough to show that something wasn't quite right, and the foreshadowing with Celestia's eye contact was strong enough that it could have just ended without the bit at the very end and still give me nightmares. If blatantly "outing" twilight at the end accomplished anything it was ensuring that there wouldn't be a sequel.
But endings are only good for closure, and this one does the job. The real merit of a story is the experiences leading up to the end. I must say I really enjoyed this story and followed it closely. There were moments of suspense that even had me worried, such as the fate of Fluttershy. The OC was about as well-developed as a madman can get. I found this to be very enjoyable despite not having watched all of Marble Hornets due to its tendencies to delve into non-coherence and passion for assaulting my eardrums. This story kept me on the edge of my seat and wanting more.
Loved it, loved it, loved it!
ReplyDelete