[Grimdark] [Crossover]
(Comments contain spoilers)
Author: Nine
Description: Equestria is growing, and magical savant Twilight Sparkle is disgusted by the crime and corruption this change has brought. Her life is changed forever when she discovers the Death Note, a notebook with inexplicable and deadly powers. She uses this book to pass judgement on those she deems unworthy of life, aiming to create a perfect world free of crime. But when the two Princesses put their best pony on the case, a mysterious detective known only as “L”, a psychological game of cat and mouse erupts between the two.Death Note: Equestria (New Part 34!)
Additional Tags: Death Note, Kira, L, mystery
252 comments:
@Anon3mous My address is at the end of every chapter. You know where to find me. Shoot me something and I'll send you the link.
ReplyDeleteThe new chapter was as stunning and story-filled as the previous.
ReplyDelete*Spoiler alert*
But...but...Fluttershy isn't...*grinds teeth* *buries head under a potted plant*.
*Lifts head to breathe* Fluttershy's too smart to be the dumb blonde!
*covers mouth*
*End of spoiler*
42 may answer the ultimate question in the universe, but I believe Nine answers a much more intriguing one.
Fluttershy?Fluttershy?!FLUTTERSHY!!!!!!!!???????????
ReplyDeleteWhat? Anyway, Why did sweetie have to die? And for kira, I honestly thought even scootaloo whould have been a more logical choice. Once again,
FLUTTERSHY!? Kinda became hard to read at that point. At least other stories had a good reason for fluttershy killing things such as a zombie apocolypse or to feed the town in which there is no vegetation to feed on. This just seems so out of the blue and, well, outrageous. Did you forget about the stare master episode? You know, the one where she goes into the EVERFREE FOREST and stares down a COCKATRICE just to save those fillies. Only to change because sweetie had a few choice words against kira? Seems a little contrived. At least (butchering name) ukita was trying to stop the broadcast. All sweetie was doing was spreading love and tolerance and to make one's own opinion of kira. If I were the second kira I would have actually found it kind of cute. It wasnt like how L flat out called Light evil. Nine, I am dissapoint. I was actually liking your casting. It fit. And having this so short after rarity and pinkie's death is a little too much. I am sad considering I was very fond of this story (declining since the elements' deaths). Don't know how you will save this to be honest.
@Orion
ReplyDeleteFunny story: Just short hours after posting this, one of my two main editors returned from his break, took one look at this chapter, and told me that the way I'd set Fluttershy up would send everypony for a loop so wide the story might never recover. We did some brainstorming and came up with some slight changes that should make it easier to swallow. Rest assured, a full explanation is coming next chapter.
@Nine I hope so. Like I said before I was really enjoying the story up until these last three chapters (especially this one). I remember when this story first came out and people were arguing that the characters were out of character and didnt fit. I disageed, but I digress. Now that huge reveal comes. Any other character would have been acceptible to kill off(exept the mane six, princesses, and crusaders) But sweetie? Just why? Fluttershy had to much love for them like I said before to do anything that would harm them in any way, shape, or form. Good luck with this one. I look forward to the explanation.
ReplyDeletele gasp...what a twist! keep it coming whats a story without a good loop thrown in.
ReplyDeletePoor Sweetie Bell.
ReplyDeleteFor the first time ever i want to mercilessly beat fluttershy. Sweetie belle was a child. A CHILD
ReplyDeleteEagerly awaited and intriguing. Although, I thought in the original, there was a mechanic in place that stopped children being killed. Has that been removed for this, or just modified?
ReplyDeleteOn a different note, I was wondering whether anyone was considering compiling these together into an e-readable format. It may be useful, and if no-one else will, I could have a bash at it.
@Cryoshell
ReplyDeleteOnly the very young. Even assuming that ponies are born more mature and age more quickly than humans, the original 780-day rule doesn't leave that much of a margin. Pipsqueak might get a pass, and maybe little Dinky if she's lucky. The CMC are well over the limit.
I'm afraid I'm a little behind the times when it comes to technology. Could someone explain e-readers to me? Is that something to do with phones?
I was meaning, getting the formatting into a .mobi or .epub, or even just copying it into a .txt, as I had been doing for the pre-edit season 1, so it can be red by a sony e-reader or amazon kindle. I use the latter, hence being interested, but I can't make the formatting ie bold stuff, font size, all that right.
ReplyDeleteI dont know how you did it nine. But somehow this actually became more cannon. I am ok with fluttershy now. Love the new quote from the newest episode "fluttershy is god!" my hat goes off to you good sir for somehow predicting the future. That is all.
ReplyDeleteThat... that is moderately terrifying...
ReplyDeleteLol, I was wrong about the quote. she actually says gone but it sounds like god lol. but either way it is still funny. guess it dosnt take a discord to activate flutterkill mode. Just a little bad advice and she is out on a killing spree. I will read the new chapter with renewed vigor!
ReplyDeleteis it bad that after reading I desperately want Discord to come and continually rape Twilight and Fluttershy with their own torn-off and partially digested limbs? for all eternity? while stuffing the remains of their best friends down their throats with shit-covered barbed wires?
ReplyDeleteNot a bad chapter. It had some serious redeaming qualities to it. I feel that the interactions are much more realistic than the original series and I dont find myself loathing twilight like I did light. At least twilight draws a line and is more "human" which is kinda ironic if you think about it. However, I feel as though you are using too much of the original source material. It is almost like I already know what is going to happen which makes it kinda boring after all the characters have been casted. The whole rem, I mean mer story was alright to reuse, and I actually thought that casting was kinda funny with photo finish, but the marefreind thing just wasnt neccessary. Only part of the chapter that I thought was stupid and contrived. Not that I dont like shipping stories, its just that this story just doesnt warrant it. It would be nice to see you break out completly of the original show and create your own story. The golem thing is interesting and I really look forward to where that goes. Maybe do more things like that perhaps. And please, please, PLEASE, dont go into the whole L imprisons twi and flutter, then the whole giving up the deathnote, and the whole group thing. Just get off that band wagon and create a fresh new story that no one has seen before. I know you can do it seening your whole improvising ray penber and the rarity/pinkie scene. That was brilliant. Now do that for the whole story.
ReplyDeleteI'm on chapter 3 so far and I gotta say, its looking to just be Death Note with all the names swapped.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many things you could do with "magical killing notebook with shinigami companion", that its a shame that you're going with the exact same story.
Why is Twilight, Light? Why can't she just stay Twilight?
And that scene near the beginning where Twilight watches that murderer brag about his release is ripped straight from the movie.
And of course...Byuk. Why did you even bother with that one letter name change?
What I'm saying is; this is a crossover in the sense that if I repaint my walls my house would be different.
Ok sure, I'm only on chapter three. Maybe this "L" would be different, maybe this story won't be exactly the same. But reading some of the comments, it seems that Fluttershy is Misa and the fact that one character can be described as being a completely different character does not speak well for this story.
I'll read a bit more, but I'm not getting my hopes up.
@Qetuo
ReplyDeleteIt gets better. As in, a *lot* different. Keep your hope with you.
All right. It's finally time for me to tackle Death Note Equestria.
ReplyDelete*pops knuckles*
Let's do this!
*read read read*
Chapter 15,
ReplyDelete*spoiler alert*
What. What? What?! WHAT? WHAAAAAAT?!
Rem's evil twin appears in this chapter.
*end spoiler*
aaaaaaaargh
ReplyDeletethat's all i have to say about the fluttershipping. NU. just, NU. honestly, flutters seems unnecessarily ooc, and her wanting to be twi's marefriend because she is kira is probably the biggest example. please note that i have no idea if that bit has a correlation in actual death note.
My god....what in the name of Celestia did I just read......
ReplyDeleteTHIS.....IS.....AMAZING, you good sir have just blew my mind, I mean you went far beyond combining Death Note and MLP:FIM. The way you even went as far to explain how a transition of a peaceful world of the pony realm to a world of flaw and just awh man I'm a loss for words here!
ReplyDeleteHum. I am having the strangest of internal conflicts right now.
ReplyDeleteI watched Death Note nearly to it's conclusion save that I found the "post L" portion sort of hackneyed. Please don't hate me! I was simply enamored with the complex relationships until L was finally killed, then the series just... sort of repeated itself? I don't know.
Getting back to my being conflicted, I find myself loving this fanfic - excellent literary work, and such a great crossover - but I already know too much of the premise, and seeing it portrayed by ponies has left me heartbroken! How the buck did this happen!?
I feel like I'm betraying myself when I say this, but even after Cupcakes and Rainbow Factory and SHED.MOV, I just CAN'T read this anymore! It hurts my heart too much! I... I'm so confused!
I'm such a girl. Bleh.
*commences self loathing immediately*
ReplyDeleteAnypony knows if the author is still writing this story??
ReplyDelete@HPC
ReplyDeleteThe usual set of apologies. The past couple of months have been... interesting. There's exams, and betrayals, and a monstrous creature called The Searing. Thankfully, most of it seems to be over and done with, and updates should resume... erm... "soon." I know it's frustrating to wait; trust me, I feel the same way.
A promise for the future. If I ever decide to abandon this story for any reason, I will let you know. If I say nothing, another chapter is out there somewhere. After all the planning and help that's gone into this, there's no chance in Pony Hell that I'm going to just let it drop.
@Nine
ReplyDeleteAwesome news, Nine!
I cannot wait no more for chapter 16, 17, 18 etc... This story really got me hooked :)
*Chapter 16*
ReplyDeleteWhy?
Why do you torture me?
And why do I keep wanting to read more?
(shivers)
Haven't read it, and I've only read the first few comments, but I can already tell I won't like it. I agree with everyone that disapproves of Twilight being Kira. It's not her. Even with absolute power (and if ANYTHING in the show can be used as an indication, she HAS absolute power) she would never kill. I read the author's reply, where they said "she's the only pony that can fill the role" and while I believe that's flat-out wrong, it doesn't matter, because even if you couldn't find anyone else, forcing Twilight to fit a role she doesn't naturally fit into is wrong. You should have made an OC be Light, because the only, and I mean ONLY role that Twilight Sparkle could fill is L, and I think she'd be a brilliant L.
ReplyDeleteDo my eyes deceive me?! Is it really saying 'Update Part 16'?! AWWWWWWWWWW YEEEAAAHHH
ReplyDelete*Chapter 17*
ReplyDeleteEverything's falling apart.
Twilight's insane.
Fluttershy's in chains.
All others are in pain.
Chocolate rain.
*face palm*
First, allow me to introduce myself. I am Ryan Masters.
ReplyDeleteSecond, why have you done this!? First 5-6 chapters were fine. But when you turn the main characters against each other and their personalities.... You are killing the characters. Fluttershy wouldn't hurt a fly, lat alone kill one! I admire your work, and I respect you as a writer, and I understand the purpose of fan fictions. But, really, Nine. This is..... Great work, but the story now, I suppose I could say, is being turned into PURE Death Note. Before there were hints that it followed some line of the Death Note story, but now? It is Death Note. Just think about it.
Also, love your writing. Very detailed. F-Ed up Twilight.
I understand what you're trying to do, but, I don't know, perhaps change it a little?
ReplyDeleteThink about it.
-Ryan Masters
One last thing,
ReplyDeleteWhy did you have to have Twilight kill her friends? Same with why has Fluttershy become the MisaMisa in this? Why? This is just all so, forgive my language, fucked up. I hate it!
This story has really gotten better and better since I last read it months ago. Lyra as L is great. And dat Chapter 12. Fuck. WHAT a player punch to the reader.
ReplyDeleteWhat the author's pulled off is brilliant imho - he started with a Kira who was driven by motives purer than Light's boredom and desire for Apotheosis, and has turned them into something more terrible than Light's Kira. Light never thought of himself as evil. Ever. Twilight realizes that's she's evil, but has reacted to this epiphany by following Santayana's definition of fanaticism and redoubling her efforts. To make matters worse, she no longer values her own life anymore. After the past 12 years, I think we're all well acquainted with the horror of suicidal fanatics....
And now, I dismantle Rainbow Smash.
"The whole WORLD is out of character." Its called Grimdark buddy and the greatest fanfic ever is Grimdark, so sell those wolf tickets elsewhere. MLP is awesome because the basic canon world makes a good template for all sorts of cool stories, k?
Do I really have to explain once again that there is a big ol' Pony Multiverse? And that in this multiverse, some universes are nicer than others?
"Equestria is an idyllic society. This is canon."
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight....when there aren't insane alicorns, sadistic chaos gods, hungry timberwolf packs, pissed off GIANT MONSTERS or fucking mind-raping shapeshifter parasite armies running amok. And WHAT, exactly, is behind the Gates of Tartarus again? Yeah. Idyllic.
"The community driven winter wrap up for example, where everyone is not only willing but PLEASED to help out "
Yeah, but they fuckin bailed on helping out with that water spout, didn't they?
"or the incredibly low amount of security it’s most important figure, Princess Celestia carries around (two guards does not the Secret Service make)"
NEGRO PLEASE. Celestia is a walking nuclear bomb. I've seen people say she could take Goku. I actually criticized the author of Article 2 for depicting the Guards as being too worried about her security.
"making it perfectly easy for ponies to steal merchandise but this never happens-"
Gilda
"So from the very beginning it makes absolutely no sense that prisons might be completely full and that they are so full of scum that murderers will be let off with only a slap on the wrist."
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ComicallyMissingThePoint
Moondancer's murderer got ONE YEAR. For *murder*. The idea here is that Equestria has a justice system that is broken because its underfunded and too lenient. Its a darkly comic mirror image of America's overfunded prison-industrial-complex justice system.
"Nightmare moon, for example, simply wanted to create and control a world"
hurr durr so did Light Yagami bruh
Having the power to end anyone's life...at any time you choose...in any manner you choose, including SUICIDE.....is ABSOLUTE POWER TO ANYBODY, "cultural differences" be damned. Yeah, being able to create life is more impressive because the fundamental law of all universes seems to be that its easier to destroy than to create. But that doesn't mean a pony would -by default- fail to be seduced by a tool of destruction as powerful as The Death Note.
"I think you guys are over thinking this too much. It's fan fiction."
....and then EvilDocterMcBob & cjwcjwcjwcjw shut it down.
@Nine
No need to apologize if they become a major factor in later chapters. These golems are your Dark Fantasy creation, be proud of them.
Have the events of Death Note the Manga already taken place because it seems byuk knows where this is heading, plus he keeps mentioning people...
ReplyDeleteI have finally taken time to read the comments, and I agree with Orion, at this point.
ReplyDeleteWell you have done everything I said NOT TO DO. I officialy give up with this story. It has become to much death not copy pasta. Why read this when I could just watch the show?
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, but I have to agree with Orion on this one...
ReplyDeleteI found the story good at first, and great after some time (The scene with Twilight, Pinkie and Rarity was really well made.), and then Fluttershy became the second Kira and asked Twilight to be her marefriend...
I still hoped that you would manage not to do exactly like in death note, but now that Twilight set up the trap with the 2 death note, everyone know what's gonna happen, and we can watch it by watching death note.
I will continue to read your fanfic, because death note is my favorite anime, but I'm still really disappointed, and continue to hope that maybe you will re-write the last chapter, or even better, the three last, even if I know that it's almost impossible, I know it would take you a lot of time, and after all it's your fanfic, so you can do what you want with it ^^'.
PS : Sorry if my english isn't perfect, I still have to improve it.
I think it's pretty obvious who L is. Am I the only one? I mean, some people say it's derpy, or dr whooves, but think! mint-green, a lyra as a cutie-mark, always around bon-bon... ><' (I'm just hinting, not spoiling :3)
ReplyDeleteI read up to chapter 13 out of curiousity, and I was surprised by every plot twist.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately I was surprised because I was expecting the author not to follow Death Note's canon religiously, and kept being surprised how everything was jammed around to make that fit.
It's . . . Death Note with renamed characters and very slight adjustments that make no different to the path of the story. It could have been really interesting if the author had accounted for the differences between Equestria and Earth, instead of - for instance - inventing a TV equivalent so he/she could use the entire plotline wholesale. :/
There are little adjustments and character moments, which was what kept me reading, but they affect absolutely nothing with respect to the plotline.
I have to agree with Orion.
Laughter and Generosity are dead. This makes so much sense...
ReplyDeleteWhile the story is rather closely following the original Death Note, I find that the details are different enough for me to enjoy it. And I'm intrigued by the whole golem thing.
ReplyDeleteOh no.
ReplyDeleteWhat a coincidence it got me into anime as well.
ReplyDeleteOh, for Celestia's sake. I've told them several times now about that link, and it's still going straight to part 19. Is it just me?
ReplyDelete@artsyfartsy1998
ReplyDeleteOf course it does. Can you imagine Twilight keeping her secret with Pinkie around?
TwiLIGHT Sparkles ... hmm I see...
ReplyDeleteTwiLIGHT Sparkles ... hmm I see...
ReplyDeleteCan someone please send me a .doc or google Document of this story... my computer won't load the website correctly...
ReplyDelete@mycutiemarkisagun Damn man! Thanks for dismantling that jackass. Oh and btw TROPERS UNITE!!
ReplyDelete