• Story: Diaries of an Equestrian Overlord (Update Story 2!)

    [Random][Sad][Comedy]

    Author: KitsuneRisu
    Description: It's not easy being Princess! Sometimes how you act isn't exactly how you are. Take a look into the mind of Princess Celestia by reading her most private of posessions; her very own journal. Chronicling the entirety of season one, read about the history of Equestria and the daily lives of six little ponies from a very special perspective.
    Diaries of an Equestrian Overlord

    Additional Tags: Journal, Celestia, Conspiracy, Silly, Peanut

    Story 2 After the Break!



    [Random][Sad][Comedy]
    Description: Just what EXACTLY happened anyway? We all know we can't really trust Princess Celestia anymore, so let's hear it straight from the ponies themselves. Join us on this glimpse into the lives and actions of Four Ponies who will shed some Lunatical Light over the hidden events that occured in Diaries of an Equestiran Overlord!
    Diaries of an Equestrian Overlord: LunAsidE (New!)


    Additional Tags: Journals, The Stalker, The Painter, The Ripper, The Luna

    180 comments:

    1. Hay Jelfes! Hay! Hay Jelfes! Hay!!

      …first

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    2. Typo in the title. Or is it a story about bovine lactation?

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    3. so...Does that mean Celestia's a cow?

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    4. So Celestia likes cheese, milk and ice cream?

      Lol, Dairies... XD

      Looks interesting. I think I'll read it later when I don't have homework due in two hours... ^^;

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    5. "Dairies" *facehoof* it's diaries.

      A typo in the title does not bode well for a story... hmm. Complete, interesting tags...

      I may read this.

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    6. Equestrian Overlord? what an awful term, I much prefer "Benevolent Ruler" or Celestia if you're anyone but Blueblood.

      Besides, that journal was supposed to be private. Somepony needs a moon timeout.

      And of course im not a cow! how very rude.

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    7. 172 pages!? well, better get started :|

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    8. > Celestia

      Well sorry, I borrowed it. And lost it subsequently.

      ReplyDelete
    9. @Kim Fluttershy Dykas

      > Implying the typo was definitely the author's fault and couldn't possibly be Seth's in any way.

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    10. None of you read the description! Princess Celestia is Lactose Intolerant!

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    11. In the interest of full disclosure, it was. Yes, I admit it. Although to be fair I did send off the mail after a long, hard day at work and I was a bit Mreyghefh, and later I did send a mail asking it to be corrected, which hopefully it will be soon!

      It wasn't Seth's fault. Also, I am a doof. But please don't judge me on a typo.

      You will make Celestia sad. Do you want that on your head? DO YOU?

      @Celestia

      Do you want to be on their heads? DO YOU?!

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    12. Yeah... Hate to say it, but I lost the mood around page 6. Squid-like appendages? Is that the best you could come up with? When there is Spike, and the Diamond Dogs, as much more useful examples of bipeds with manipulator forelimbs.

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    13. 172 pages? Pulitzer prizes have been awarded for less.

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    14. ...Imma redact my earlier comment then. XD

      Now to actually read the thing.

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    15. By the way, please read it light-heartedly, despite the heavy content at the start. It doesn't last more than 20 or so pages, and it's meant to be a bit tongue in cheek. The REAL insanity starts when her diary is opened proper, but the 'letters' are there to set up the framework of the rest of the story.

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    16. Trollestia as Trixie.

      My stars. All of them. Now.

      Y CAN'T I GIVE MORE STARS?

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    17. Yeah, after page 20, the diary really starts to get awesome.

      And like Grif....Celestia was Trixie?

      Dude...yes...

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    18. 312k of tex in a PDF?

      o.O

      O.o

      O.O

      o.o

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    19. ppshhhh this is amazing XD
      You've got me giggling incessantly at this, it's brilliant.

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    20. Incredible O.o
      Simply incredible!

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    21. And so everything to turned out for the best for everyone involved. Except for the painter because Luna ate him :l


      6 Stars

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    22. Great Scott, this is a long one.

      And now I want ice cream.

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    23. Done. I think it kicked quite some flank. Sitting back and watching Trollestia doing her thing for all those pages was certainly exciting.

      But I'm still confused about Luna. What exactly did she do to all those ponies?

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    24. Oh for the love of...

      STOP POSTING STORIES IN PDF!!! Even the JavaScript helll that Is deviantArt is better than having to put up with PDF!

      Based on the comments it could well be a wonderful story, a great time killer and lots of fun. I'm not reading it, though, and I'll tell you why:

      On the computer the scrolling is always awkward, requiring mug adjustment of Zoom and window size to get right. On the phone it's just damn hard to read and requires so much zooming and scrolling it's just not worth the effort, period. And forget trying to read it on something like the Kindle, that reaches pain-in-the-flank levels the likes of which have rarely been seen on this world.

      And the utterly most mind-blowingly annoying thing Is IT'S COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY!!! Google Docs allows direct upload of Word files, Pages exports as a freaking ePub AND Word doc, Docs and dA allow for full formatting, and FF.net (which ALSO uploads from Word doc format, btw) allows for most formatting and is the best all-platform reading experience.

      THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR USING THE PDF FORMAT. Period! Stop making it more difficult for the reader!

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    25. @christy not with some of the formatting that I've done. And not that I didn't try. I don't enjoy pdfs particularly myself, but it was simply the best option consodering the ergotic content. It is unfortinate that you won't enjoy it due to this fact, but if you E-mail me I will be more than happy to send you a docx version.

      However, I have been reading it on my handphone (galaxy2) with mo issues whatsoever, so I'm genuinely sorry that you have come into such trouble.

      Sexual Abuse as a child is no laughing matter, even if it's only by a PDF file, and believe me when I say I fully empathize.

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    26. Androids pdf reader sucks, constantly freezing, and loosing its place everytime you suspend it to the background. While I do have a lot of PDF stories, some of them are neigh unreadable due to the fact of some queer formatting done to the story, the pdf makes the text infinitely small and cannot be zoomed in. Many many PDF readers for android, evey one has the same problems.

      Although, I could never figure out how to save stuff from the google pages format to begin with. I'm going to try and read this if I can figure a few things out first.

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    27. OH ok I figured out how to download it now from pages... LOL Now qued up for a read, got two more stories first then boom THIS ONE!

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    28. @silfir

      Why, she did nothing nothing at all. Why anyone would think otherwise ia beyond me. la de dah~

      @Doc

      The method I use is actually using the google docs app on the android itself rather than a pdf reader. it shows up perfectly, can be read in widescreen and variable pinched to fit the width of your mobile device exactly.

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    29. It would take a hell of a lot of paper to print. 170 or so pages!? O_O

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    30. seem like a good fic.

      Too bad that it was posted in such way. I can't read it, the pages are to small, the page map is annoying, you can't move one bar with the keyboard, and is honestly just so unsatyfing complicated.

      package is a necessary thing, especially when is a 172 pages. Shame for such work to be posted so badly.

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    31. Woosh, that was a long one. Long one indeed but I enjoyed it. It was amusing, made me laugh out loud which is a rare thing from stories these days. I found myself eager to read the interpretations of each episode as they came. Bravo, bravo.

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    32. I found it interesting to see Celestia's viewpoint through it all.

      I DO have one question: Luna's cellmates, what's up wit dat?

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    33. So... Celestia is a xanatos-level manipulator bitch, and Luna is a cannibal.

      "Why must we give these adorible creatures such dark backstories?"

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    34. Accidental slaughter at the gala!
      (at the gala!)

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    35. several page's worth of empty picture frames and blurred images have left me confused and disappointed

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    36. Wow, I finally read through this beast, and it was hilarious. Every part was a blast to read, from character development to silliness, although the whole humans shtick felt kind of tacked on, and so did the ending resolution.

      Regardless, I laughed really hard at Celestia firing her guards for whatever reason and her constant jabbering about the peanut in the prison. Priceless!

      Also, what happened to the artist and the stalker?

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    37. That's... a lot of pages.
      Oh well, not like I had anything important to do, here goes!

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    38. Wow, that...that was incredible.

      Guys, all I can say is: Keep reading.

      Celestia does and says some really disturbing horseapples in here, but everything's explained in the end.

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    39. Hmmm. Not bad. I strongly reject the notion that Celestia is not the entirely benevolent (if prank-loving) ruler that she appears to be in the show. But I can still appreciate a good story and some laughs.

      The writing was good: easy to follow and well-characterized, with only the occasional spot of awkward grammar and no spelling mistakes that I could see.

      But the heavily implied sub-plot regarding Luna's cell-mates was never explained. What's the deal with that?

      Overall, four stars I would say. Good story, but slightly lower marks for the conspiracy-theory stuff and that missing sub-plot.

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    40. Take this OFF PDF. I don't know about anyone else, but for me the entire thing was blurry and illegible from page forty onward. This is entirely avoidable and disappointing.

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    41. @Varanus

      Sign in with your Google account. Then everything becomes readable.

      ReplyDelete
    42. I love this story. Its humorous, funny and engaging. Although the throwing the whole elements of harmony and friendship is magic shtick out the window made it's potential cannonisity go flying out along after it.

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    43. All stories have flaws, but I think it's the flaws in this one that only add to the experience. I loved this, and found it to be a wonderful read.

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    44. That's some great work, though I can't imagine how long it took you to write all of this! It took me almost four hours just to read! (Meh, that included a couple of breaks, but still!)

      Also... Luna is near to starving. She's crying, desperately begging her sister for food instead of candy. Her sister sends her a nice, plump cell-mate, who is conveniently restrained and unable to resist. What else was she supposed to do?

      Now, that really doesn't justify snacking on the riff-raff under the guise of a reeducation program once she was out of the dungeon. But you know what they say... You can't eat just one!

      It does make me wonder about the whole "Luna as Celestia's savior" bit, though. I mean, she's eating other ponies. She's clearly quite messed up! Who knows if the "realization" Celestia had at the end there was really true, or just her serious warped little sister beginning to affect her mind, too.

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    45. Also, the necrophilia comment was one of the funniest things I've ever read. Just sayin'....

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    46. Even signed in with a Google account all I've gotten through is to Page 12 before everything becomes an unreadable mess.

      No amount of zooming or reloading will fix it.

      And, yes, I am using a desktop computer because I don't have (nor can I afford) a smartphone or the like.

      I'd like to read this, but unfortunately I CAN'T due to the aggravating PDF format.

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    47. It all turns out okay in the end, though.

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    48. Why is everybody having problems with the PDF file? Works okay on my end.

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    49. Hey, this was great! It start off dark, went through a bajillion pages of funny, and ended off heartwarming if a little sad. A bit of everything! I much prefer benevolent!Celestia, but this Celestia was just too funny to not read.

      Also, to everyone who couldn't figure out what was going on with Luna's cellmates: SHE ATE THEM. THAT'S THE JOKE. OKAY? STOP ASKING. It was VERY heavily implied and not really very subtle at all. What do you think she did to that Kidney Ripper guy, or whatever his name was? She ate his legs. That's why she didn't eat any of the food in her room. That's why there was 'dark liquid' (blood) in her cell. That's why she asked for more cellmates, and than later to have criminals sent to her. SHE EATS PONIES. THAT'S THE JOKE. Okay? Okay.

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    50. Ran into a bit of a problem reading it myself. Turns out it's just the Google Docs viewer having issues. Go to File-> Download Original and read it via your normal .pdf reader program, and it should be fine. If that download method doesn't work, here's a direct download of the .pdf file: http://www.mediafire.com/?5mb3ob37yaiwm3w

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    51. @koolerkid

      Uh, considering that the whole point of the story is that *nothing was as it seemed*, the "joke" fell pretty flat.

      ReplyDelete
    52. PONY IS NOT THE NAME OF A YOUNG HORSE!!!
      PONIES ARE TO HORSES AS CHIHUAHUAS ARE TO PITBULLS!!
      PONY IS NOT THE NAME OF A YOUNG HORSE!!!
      PONIES ARE TO HORSES AS CHIHUAHUAS ARE TO PITBULLS!!
      PONY IS NOT THE NAME OF A YOUNG HORSE!!!
      PONIES ARE TO HORSES AS CHIHUAHUAS ARE TO PITBULLS!!
      PONY IS NOT THE NAME OF A YOUNG HORSE!!!
      PONIES ARE TO HORSES AS CHIHUAHUAS ARE TO PITBULLS!!
      PONY IS NOT THE NAME OF A YOUNG HORSE!!!
      PONIES ARE TO HORSES AS CHIHUAHUAS ARE TO PITBULLS!!
      PONY IS NOT THE NAME OF A YOUNG HORSE!!!
      PONIES ARE TO HORSES AS CHIHUAHUAS ARE TO PITBULLS!!
      PONY IS NOT THE NAME OF A YOUNG HORSE!!!
      PONIES ARE TO HORSES AS CHIHUAHUAS ARE TO PITBULLS!!
      PONY IS NOT THE NAME OF A YOUNG HORSE!!!
      PONIES ARE TO HORSES AS CHIHUAHUAS ARE TO PITBULLS!!
      PONY IS NOT THE NAME OF A YOUNG HORSE!!!
      PONIES ARE TO HORSES AS CHIHUAHUAS ARE TO PITBULLS!!
      PONY IS NOT THE NAME OF A YOUNG HORSE!!!
      PONIES ARE TO HORSES AS CHIHUAHUAS ARE TO PITBULLS!!
      PONY IS NOT THE NAME OF A YOUNG HORSE!!!
      PONIES ARE TO HORSES AS CHIHUAHUAS ARE TO PITBULLS!!
      PONY IS NOT THE NAME OF A YOUNG HORSE!!!
      PONIES ARE TO HORSES AS CHIHUAHUAS ARE TO PITBULLS!!
      PONY IS NOT THE NAME OF A YOUNG HORSE!!!
      PONIES ARE TO HORSES AS CHIHUAHUAS ARE TO PITBULLS!!
      PONY IS NOT THE NAME OF A YOUNG HORSE!!!
      PONIES ARE TO HORSES AS CHIHUAHUAS ARE TO PITBULLS!!

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    53. Finally finished this beast. Highly enjoyable.

      "You know what also dries white?

      Tears."

      XD

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    54. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    55. I am greatly disturbed by Luna's behavior. She reminds me of a llama I once knew... I never understood his love for hats, though.

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    56. @fakeguy Did it occur to you that perhaps Celestia isn't aware of that? The whole point of the story is that Celestia is an unreliable narrator who assumes her viewpoint is fact.

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    57. @Christy "Dame Helen" McFarland

      Hmm... PDF can be viewed on all major PCs, and even ereaders like the kindle will read them.

      Google docs does not work on Kindle or Nintendo's 3DS browser (which I use often). I kinda like PDF, Deviantart, FFnet, and FiMfic. Google docs... I'm tethered to my computer to have any chance at reading those.

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    58. The thing with the humans felt out of place.

      And it would have been interesting to see Twilight's reaction to this.

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    59. Oh hell, I read through this in one sitting. From when I got home to now. I must say, the ending had me tear up just a bit, but I thought Luna, spoiler; ate the other prisoners. But it doesn't say, does it? But anyway, this was a terrific story overall, and I freaking loved it. I don't know of any other fanfic that was this long. I mean. 172 pages! That would be like double that if it was in a normal novel size format!

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    60. Hi there, for everyone who's given feedback, both good or bad, as long as it was useful, thank you! I definitely will take it all into account when I attempt another one in the future.

      >Fakeguy

      Please take your medicine. It's important.

      >Varanus

      I think you couldn't have captured the idea of the fic better if you had actually wrote it yourself!

      >All Ponies with PDF problems

      In the original link itself, if you're having loading problems or the not, you can actually download the original off the site itself by going to the top left under 'file' and hitting 'download original'. In that way you can actually read it off your computer directly/upload it to a kindle/print it and use it as toilet paper.

      There seems to be a lot of PDF hate here, but I'm afraid that when I tried to upload as a DOC, all my formatting was corrupted.

      And fakeguy. Really. Medicine.

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    61. > Shadetail

      It wasn't resolved because... well, we need SOME storylines for book TWO, don't we? =)

      > Macon

      Well, that's entirely up to interpretation. But personally, the way I see it, there's no real one way to see anything. As Varanus pointed out, she is by far an extremely unreliable narrator. Also, sure, Luna may be just as kind and benevolent as Celestia, but not all ponies are without their faults! There is no such thing as a perfect pony, eh? =)

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    62. @KitsuneRisu

      Hi there! I was just wondering, did Luna actually eat those ponies? Not that it really surprises me. I admin a Cupcakes Pinkie Pie page on facebook. Anyway, I'd just like to tell you what a wonderful job you're doing, and that the story was not only enjoyable, but also made me think of who the Scourge was before it was known. I thought for sure it was Applejack! Well, anyway, thanks for putting your time into this great piece of work!

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    63. @KitsuneRisu

      And there's going to be a book 2? Awesome!

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    64. "What the hell is a radish anyway? It's like an apple did it with an onion."

      Ok man, that was a long one. And having tons of other crap to do, it took nine anf a half hours to get though.

      Ok, so...

      Not normally a fan of tyrant Celestia fics, but the "through alternate eyes" genre is a favorite of mine, in this fashion, and it seemed interesting.
      All while I was reading it, though, it REALLY bothered me that the author of these entries simply didn't seem like it could be the same one as those three 'scrolls'. Seeing the ending, this was obviously intentional, but....wow what a disjunct.
      I REALLY like the comedic way of handing the winter/fall/etc issues, although it still causes a few issues ("three months of winter coolness" for instance). Also, if Pinkie being the 'scourge' was supposed to be a surprise, well it was pretty obvious by the "she was supposed to invite the scourge" time.
      So it was an interesting read. And the ending....I have to say it came completely out of left field, at least for me.

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    65. It took me two hours to read this story.


      Time well spent. ^_^

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    66. I am a solid fan of loving caring Celestia, with a slight prankster side, purely of fun and without malice. I don't usually like this style of Trollestia, but I'll still laugh at it as a fun bit of absurdity.

      This is obviously written, not by Celestia, but a rogue agent of the New Lunar Republic. It's clearly an attempt to discredit Celestia and sway Twilight Sparkle and her Elements of Harmony bearing friends away from Celestia out of confusion, fear, and distrust.

      Luna and Celestia would probably read this thing, looking at each other afterwards, and wonder why there are so many silly ponies out there. The two sisters would nuzzle each other. Celestia would reassure Luna that the only way she would want her rule is with her little sister at her side. Luna would tell Celestia that she wished the New Lunar Republic would just fizzle out, and that she just doesn't get why ponies would want her dear big sis out of power.

      Then they would finish off that tasty BBQed dissenter who wrote the offending article, and burst into giggles that he got at least one part right...

      Psych! Not really. Ponies are herbivores, silly bronies! That last part is totally untrue.

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    67. I didnt like the "origin story", it didnt make much sense. I didnt buy it, and its not contributing much to the story besine saying that celestia is a-ok with genocide.

      BUt the rest of the journal is pretty funny. It feels like im reading a Dwarf-Fortress AAR, with the ponies being random and generally useless (from Celestia's P.o.v)

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    68. Great story, but sadly, could only find a little humor.

      Every time something became amusing, I'd end up thinking of Twi. Sobbing uncontrollably, having thrown Spike out for betraying her (Or at the very least never trusting him), and never being able to trust/forgive Celestia.

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    69. I think Scootaloo is cute... but this is HILARIOUS!!!

      "What is a Scootaloo anyway?

      It sounds like a mobile toilet that you can bring with you on long holidays.

      When you've got the runs
      and there ain't no space,
      Just stick your buns
      on the handsome face
      Of Scootaloo, Scootaloo
      dum dum de dum
      dum dum

      Only 79 bits!"

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    70. @shadefox
      I could totally see Twilight and friends farin' off their rainbow lazer at Celestia, assuming she is somehow being effected the way Luna was as Nightmare Moon. I'd laugh at such a thing! Celestia from this fic DOES need a little harmony fired off at her.

      Of course, that would prove whether Celly is deluded or truthful... Dem necklaces and all.

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    71. Spent several hours reading this through. Didn't regret a second of it.

      The intro was very interesting, an intriguing origin story to Equestria that, though it now contradicts things from season two, was very very cool to imagine.

      The meat of the story was the comedy, and that was just hilarious. Having crazy-tyrant-goofy Celestia narrate the events of the series (and some additional shenanigans aside) was great fun.

      The ending, however, made it. I never expected you to take another twist onto the story, and you pulled it off fantastically with the ending being very heartfelt. I must say that I shed some tears along with Celestia.

      Excellent re-imagining of the series. Simply excellent. :D

      ReplyDelete
    72. ugh, why are there people who seem to LIKE pdf files? i can't stand the stupid, bloated things. OpenOffice, LibreOffice, any of the free office suites, please ... *sigh* let's see if i can somehow save this to my local drive so Adobe doesn't eat my RAM and cause a Firefox crash ...

      as for the story, uhm, as good as it might be eventually, the misanthropic start is off putting. HumansAreBastards is so overdone in the brony community that it's gone from common, through memetic and straight into obnoxious.

      heh, but my goodness it gets better from that low point. the actual diary is, well, it's very funny. not exactly in character for Celestia but everypony else is rather. i, i have to admit i was laughing by about halfway through the silly thing. a bit long though?

      ending was, eh, a bit out of left field eh? i don't want to spoil anything but ... that third pony was kinda just stuck in there. the whole thing worked well as a comedy but towards the end, it seemed you were going for a more serious introspective tone that, well, kinda felt a bit off? maybe tacked on? loved the song, though! overall, it started a bit off, the whole misanthropic thing, got into a really good stride and then kinda switched tone about 3/4 in and at the end tried to wrap things up in a way that was really rather different than the feel of the rest of the work.

      i was going to say 4/5 but it was actually done well enough to get a rare 5/5 from me. the hiccoughs didn't detract very much at all from the piece and even they were wrapped up by the end.

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    73. @Minalkra

      Actually, it wasn't a 'HumansAreBastards'

      It was a few humans were bastards, and Celestia went full genocidal.

      ReplyDelete
    74. I read about 50 pages or so... Here's my thoughts on it so far.

      Okay, they developed due to nuclear radiation.

      How could the Humans resist the ponies, let alone murder them?

      Okay, larger dose of radiation = magic. Seems legit.

      Hmm, not sure about her going on a mass genocide.

      Luna being sent to the moon in this version didn't seem to make much sense, but I am very tired.

      All this talk about radiation is making me look over my shoulder for Ghouls. Sheesh.

      Alrighty, on to the actual diary. Seems very out of character (even though we haven't really seen a whole lot of her character anyway, but again, I'm tired).

      I pretty much lost interest when she threw Luna in the dungeon. But I kept reading anyway.

      I completely lost interest when Luna had suddenly become cannibalistic. That's a little much. But I kept reading.

      Taking the idea of Tyrant Celestia a little too far, what with the constant berating of Ponyville's average intelligence. Also, the whole thing about Twilight becoming her replacement somewhat irks me.

      All in all, from what I read, this is a well written story, and the premise is good, but the execution of Celestia's character isn't exactly on par, or entirely likable. I did get a few chuckles out of this, but certain aspects of the story weren't especially enjoyable for me.

      But, like I said, I didn't read the whole thing, so take my words for what they're worth, I guess.

      I really need to go to bed...

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    75. @joetraincool

      Protip: Don't post until you've read it all the way through. It all makes sense in the end. Remember, this isn't a story where you're the audience witnessing them going about doing things. You will not have an overarching omniscient view of the story or its plot. This is Celestia's diary, you see things through her eyes, in her mind.


      That said... this was an amazing work, I spent my day reading it and it was not a day wasted. Bitchy, insane Tyrant Celestia tickled me pink (which is saying something considering how Pro-Caring and Wise Celestia I am). Cannibal Luna was pure gold, along with the Robin Hood and much more. I like your idea of an origin story, as well, and tend to agree with Celestia on the human issue.

      I liked Luna's part at the end and Celestia's epiphany, it was all very well done and plotted out, didn't see that coming.

      ReplyDelete
    76. I loved the ending. it made sense to me anyway, in context of the paranoia and insanity of Celestia. Cool shout out to Discord bro. I suspect that Celestia's past 20 years have verged somewhere between total delusion and extreme paranoia.

      In light of the ending, everything made sense, except for cannibal Luna. I could understand MAYBE if she were utterly starved, but I can not see the "craving". Luna is the mind of reason in this story, so if that mind is craving horse flesh... it takes away the seriousness of her drive to set Celestia right again.

      It's really the ONLY part of the story that doesn't work for me. I thought the phycological distress over her actions against Luna and that other ancient pony make sense in light of her mental decay.

      Also, the story seems to make Luna out to be craving flesh, eats the legs of that murderer, and then suddenly, Luna is the voice of reason and sanity and helps Celestia find her peace and stabilize her mental state.

      WAT WIT DAT???

      ReplyDelete
    77. Hm. It's a big mixed bag I'm seeing here.

      Not gonna lie, I skimmed over the prologue at the mention of the word "human."

      The "dry wit" Tyrant!Celestia has going on is very dry and not substantially witty. In particular, I don't feel any genuine insight from the episode recaps. Just a synopsis as given by the Simpsons' Comic Book Guy.

      My reaction to a lot of the "randomness" is simply "Um, okay?" Celestia has a disturbing fetish and Luna is a cannibal. Neither of these things really contribute anything to either character or are brought up except for the sake of being brought up. Luna in particular switches from cannibal to sane about two thirds of the way through and the only thing the two different ponies share is a name.

      That said, there's a few good parts to be seen here. In particular, the exchanges with Sane!Luna are the definite highlight of the fic. The last forty pages or so are a welcome break from the first hundred-and-thirty pages of Bored Omni-whatever Celestia.

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    78. I agree with the consensus here. It had a lot of good parts, but just was not focused. I didn't really think a lot of the intro was neccesary either, although it was OK.

      ReplyDelete
    79. Wow, thanks to everyone for the feedback, wholeheartedly. I'll definitely take them into account if I ever attempt a sequel or a sort of mid-season fic which I have some ideas of.

      At this moment I'd like to take the time to clarify a few concerns that people seem to have,

      "Luna's behaviour is disjointed"

      First of all, everyone's just assuming she turned cannibal. Interesting, isn't it? =) When I wrote this, I fully intended for there for it to go on if there would be enough support, and you really have to leave a few mysteries for the next one, eh? EH? *wink*

      Luna, as characterized in the fic, has always been 'sane'. But I'm writing it from the point of view that NO ONE IS PERFECT. But believe me, this issue will be brought to attention once season 2 is over.

      @Melodia

      Three months of winter coldness, yes. It does get cold. Doesn't mean there's snow. ;)

      "OMG Celestia is an evil tyrant ahhhh!"

      It works out in the end, or at least, I believe I managed to satisfactially wrap up most loose ends. (barring Luna)

      "The ending came out of nowhere"

      Yes and no. It was a drop, I'd admit, but I also planned for it to be that way. It was meant to explain her behaviour throughout the whole dilly-o with her hatred for the 'scourge', and why EXACTLY she had it out for her.

      "It's not focused"

      It's a tongue in cheek piece. Don't read it so seriously! If you don't like the humour in general, that's absolutely fine. If you don't like how Celestia is acting, that's fine too. Is it canon? Of course not. It is just an interpretation. I did not write it with the idea of Celestia -as- Celestia in mind. I wrote it with the idea of Celestia as a hot dog.

      For all those who actually read it all the way through before telling me the problems, I applaud you, and thank you a lot for your help. I'll take your words to heart when thinking about a lighter, less muddy book 2.

      For all those who actually read it all the way through and really liked it?

      Well now. You're just 20% cooler, aren't you?

      ReplyDelete
    80. @Kayriel
      True, that was a mistake on my part. I guess I shouldn't comment on things at 1:00 in the morning. XD

      I didn't want to sound to harsh with my comment, what I read was really good, it just didn't appeal to me for the reasons I mentioned.

      ReplyDelete
    81. I read it in one sitting and I don't regret it.

      ReplyDelete
    82. i started yesterday afternoon and finished today ( 1 day from start and i went to school and to bed lol).
      it was really good..
      i liked:
      -trollestia randomness,and her being a sadistic, but somehow benevolent tyrant.
      - the whole alternative point of view thing with all the weird Trollestia's plans.
      - the diary form. is just really good for psycho-trollestia. She is really cynic. :D.

      i didnt' like:
      - the whole humans thing: you needed it only for the ending, the radiation story is almost senseless under many logical points of view.
      you could and should have done it all without humans and in another way. but still doens't matter they are only 10 pages...
      - there was some long episode that was really boring to read ( spike saving rarity from the dogs and others i don't remeber).
      i liked 1 page episode more than the longer ones.
      - the ending. suddendly out of nowhere.
      what about leaving the paranoia-Celestia PInkamena-scourge opened for a second book? it' s a really good idea and i don't like it being only a celestia's memory issue.and we all know that pinkie pie is the real enemy.

      now i want Luna's diary about this. you can write about the lunar imprisonement, the arrival in equestria, celestia trowing her in jail, Luna helping celestia mind, and what happened to the poor painter.
      did she really eat him?

      ReplyDelete
    83. I liked most of it, insane Celestia was a fun read with some witty comments, that restoring Celestia to sanity was pretty much ruined by the "Luna is a cannibal implications". Establishing Luna with flaws is one thing but for me it just doesn't fit and perverts Luna's purpose.

      ReplyDelete
    84. I've read the entire thing and all I have to say is "Holy hell that must have been a lot of work to make!"
      5*

      ReplyDelete
    85. Oh shiz.

      Best pony fic. Forever. Read it all, loved it all! I can't wait for a maybe sequel to come out after season 2. 5 stars. FOREVER.

      ReplyDelete
    86. I now feel different every time I watch a My Little Pony episode. Thank you so much. I want to archive this story.

      ReplyDelete
    87. Finally finished. It took me two days, three classes' worth of blown off homework, and some of what little sanity I have left. Yes, you have manage to wrest away a little bit of sanity from my precious stores. Congratulations! Only the best fanfics do this. I want to meet this Celestia now. I am glad she is not the ruler of cannon Equestria, but I'd still like to meet this Trollestia. As for Luna...
      I think she has a hungry moon creature that she brought back with her. Perhaps what the mysterious pink pony has become? Wouldn't it be touching if Luna fed her and kept her alive on her own flesh, magically healing herself after each sacrifice? And then, notice that the amount of pony flesh eaten decreases, from two ponies (hopefully rationed to lessen the shock) to only the forelegs of one? Luna is an alicorn; I doubt she NEEDS food, considering her thousand-year moon imprisonment. No, her concern was for the mysterious pink friend, who Luna has been concealing all this time.

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    88. I gotta admit, I didn't really like the way this portrayed Celestia initially. I didn't like to see the character who is eternally benevolent beings portrayed as a egotistical and ruthless monarch.

      That being said, her development in the final two entries was indeed interesting to see and the twist and the extra bit of information at the end is certainly unexpected.

      All things considered, I'm sure this is something that some other people will enjoy much more than I, but despite my criticism, I still this this is fairly cleverly written and deserve a 3/5.

      ReplyDelete
    89. All I have to say is this is EXTREMELY LONG and at times quite funny. only on page 87 and lost count of the times I LOL'd. great job only issue is the size. If you can hack it up a bit it would be perfect.

      ReplyDelete
    90. Good premise, promising beginnings, got dull in the middle with way too much padding and abandoned sub plots, unsatisfactory exposition with the ending; no catharsis.

      ReplyDelete
    91. my god that was quite long, when I finished I noticed the page number to the left.

      my take on the orbs was that they weren't nukes but magical weapons, likely made by humans in the same sense as Hydia, Draggle and Reeka, maybe they were used in the same method ultimately, mutually assured destruction and all that.

      I will say I was slightly disappointed that we didn't get to see crazy celestia's take on party of one aside from the brief mention of pinkie being dragged to the barn, I'd have imagined she'd have been partly thrilled to see her in such a state seemingly alienated and lost to her friends.

      I'll look forward to it if you make a book two.

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    92. @Celestia

      So, Celestia! It was YOU who exterminated the rest of my human brethren!

      At last, I can give the one responsible what is deserved: My sincerest thanks! I didn't have to waste any time or power doing it myself! Frankly, I thought the idiots had finally offed themselves. I had been directing them toward that end for some time, ever since they started trusting my genetic engineering for their 'designer babies'. Watching them become more paranoid and self-destructive brought me such intense satisfaction.

      Those massive spells at the end, incredible magical energy, I must say. Still, you lacked a bit of finesse. There were quite a few humans left who thought your kind quite beautiful, who'd refused my 'improvements' to their genomes, who would have even willingly been your slaves just to be allowed to be near you. *giggles savagely* And now I know it was YOU who killed them too! I LOVE it!

      Why didn't the magic destroy me? Well... let's just say that I anticipate certain things with as much eerie accuracy as Pinkie. And I'm as adept at the use of magic as I am at science. Sorry about my part in twisting the natural order of Earth. I did have to keep up appearances with the remaining humans until the final game pieces were in place. As such, by the time the magic was used, I had made quite sure it wouldn't identify me as 'human'.

      I'll be seeing you again soon, my dear. We have sooooo much catching up to do.

      A shame Discord ended up a statue again. I do enjoy his playful ways so very much! One of my favorite and most excellent experimental successes combining magic and science, I'm proud to say. Just a tad too overconfident.

      ReplyDelete
    93. @ Alondro

      Who are you and why am I scared of you?

      ReplyDelete
    94. @Alondro

      I have to say , I think you're rather insane, no offense intended.
      Canterlot has some very good doctors for that sort of thing.

      This seems more like the sort of prank Luna would play on me, I'm never been mad or tyrannical. though my diary is still missing...


      (On another note I really don't like this too much, but Its well written and I conider it unfair to vote things down for my personal dislike unless they're genuinely bad, which this isn't and im not going to rate it badly.)

      ReplyDelete
    95. @ Celestia
      Well, I wouldn't presume to expect any less than that from the TRUE benevolent ruler of Equestria, would I? I only am glad to find myself in your good graces. I apologize for losing that nasty old faux book which has caused you much duress and hopefully it can be found and destroyed before it further besmirches your name.

      I am sure that in time I will be able to regale you with stories of your true and natural self, and maybe then I will find myself in favour.

      In the meanwhile, sorry about losing that thing!

      Have a carrot juice... On me.

      ReplyDelete
    96. @KitsuneRisu

      Good, why carrot juice though?

      Also that was very nice and wordy, I should hire you to write proclamations and speeches.

      It comes with a get off the moon free card, a random day of the week off every week and the ability to boss Blueblood around.

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    97. @ Celestia

      Why, I am sorry again for jumping to conclusions! I just had noticed your complexion, and had just assumed you must drink a lot of carrot juice, which is said to give that natural inner beauty and a clean, fresh touch.

      Of course you may have anything you wish. I am but your humble servant and you, my Princess.

      Your offer sounds intriguing, my Princess; I must say that your generousity of variable working days is something that not every overl.. caregiver freely offers.

      I am, of course, at your disposal.

      ReplyDelete
    98. @KitsuneRisu

      Stop trying to flatter me, I was merely curious. I'm not going to banish you anywhere, you don't have to get on my good side.
      Besides I promised Luna I wouldn't banish anyone else she's tired of fetching Blueblood constantly as is.

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    99. @ Celestia

      Flatter? Why, I would never dream of such a thing. I am a mere writer, my princess. Us writers have no skill in flattery whatsoever. All we do is put truth to pen. I'm sure you understand, with all your wisdom eternal, that I could not possibly be capable of this flattery that you so nicely refer to.

      It is merely the truth, something that we are bound to by pride and intergrity.

      Might I ask, dear Princess, what is it that Blueblood has done to irk you so?

      ReplyDelete
    100. @KitsuneRisu

      At least fifty proposals a day on various means to exempt him from taxes and ways to wipe ponyville off the map and imprison Rarity.

      ReplyDelete
    101. @ Celestia

      Rarity? The one with the clothing shop? I do believe I have been down there myself once on a holiday a long time ago. It was a very nice place. Quaint village. Lovely people! Very friendly and boy, do they love their sweets.

      Why ever would your own Nephew wish to do such a terrible thing?

      ReplyDelete
    102. @KitsuneRisu

      She covered him in cake at the Gala, it was really rather amusing.

      ReplyDelete
    103. @KitsuneRisu

      Oh and he's not my nephew. He IS a prince yes, but not related to me or Luna. He managed to work his way into the griffon royal family (don't ask how), it accounts for at least part of his attitude.

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    104. @ Celestia

      Well you know, people talk. Apparently the word on the street is that he IS. How such mistakes ever get out are beyond me.

      I should have known better than to listen to pure gossip!

      My apologies. And it occurs to me that such a reaction is most uncalled for. I mean, destroying an entire village for a little cake spillage?

      I guess decorum counts for nothing.

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    105. @KitsuneRisu

      For Blueblood it is everything, only he doesn't quite know what it actually means.

      And it wasn't a little cake spillage, it was a huge mass of it. He had been acting like an idiot all evening though and deserved it. If it were possible i'd be more inclined to give Rarity a medal than to imprison her.

      ReplyDelete
    106. Trollestia is trying to kill Pinkie?
      Pinkie's apparently evil?
      Luna's a cannibal?
      Owlowisious has a posh English accent?
      Celestia is obsessed with Ponies toilet habits?
      Caramel pudding feels like the warmth of creation?

      THIS WAS AMAZING.
      I started reading at about 4:00pm. It is now 10:00pm.
      The only bit I disliked was that humans came before ponies. Discord coming first is always cooler in my book but judging by it's length you started writing it before Discord was announced.

      5 stars good sir.

      ReplyDelete
    107. Hill.
      Larry.
      Us.

      Even though I couldn't reconcile your character's with the show's, this was very enjoyable and kept me well entertained throughout.

      My only quibble is the prologue... I had a hard time getting through it and on to the fun stuff. I think it would have been better if you had woven the information into the diary itself... and only as much info as the readers absolutely needed. A big exposition dump, particularly right at the beginning, is hard to get past.

      My only question is... what about cannibal Luna???

      ReplyDelete
    108. @ Apeture

      Actually I finished it before season 2 was announced. I did make a note of it in the disclaimer. I wasn't going to change anything for season 2 because if I did then nothing ever would be done as it would just keep going. Anyway, I see it as a challenge. Go on, SPOIL my continuity, will you? En Garde!

      @ iisaw

      Don't worry, it's coming. =3
      And noted about the exposition.

      Funny thing is, originally it was JUST the exposition. I just decided to tack on the diaries AFTERWARD.

      ReplyDelete
    109. Well that kicked flank. Seriously, I was laughing far too much throughout the story. HOWEVER the beginning pages were dull as hell and you know they were dull as hell. AND not only were they dull but I think large quantities could have been axed completely with sufficient editing. I don’t feel that such in depth description of the pony’s origin was necessary, and most of the actual events easily could have, and perhaps SHOULD have, been left to readers imagination.
      Those three scrolls could have easily fit in one, or one and a half scrolls instead of that rather painful mess I had to slog through. It felt like a completely different story was tacked on to the beginning, and it wasn’t a very good one.
      TL;DR: brilliant story with the diary, but the scrolls felt out of place and the back-story and relevant details could have easily been conveyed in a less terrible manner.

      EDIT: just saw your comment above this after i wrote that. REALLY? originally you just had that... thing at the beggining (sorry but... eugh) and then you "tacked on" the giant and brilliant diary story. thats insane. i see why the beginning was so big, but still, after the addition of the diary i feel you should have edited it down as much as possible.

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    110. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    111. Whoops! o.o

      @ Profmemology

      Yes. Don't ask.

      Basically what happened was that I was arguing with one of my friends one day about this whole horrible origin of the ponies sort of deal, and she just said, go and write it down. So I did.

      After that I was thinking about how all the other things that happened in the entire season could also apply, and I decided to just account it all in the form of a diary.

      If it makes it easier for any reader, you can consider it as two seperate stories written in the same universe, but with very different approaches.

      I agree with you (and many other commentators) that the beginning is hard to get through, and I have always said that since the start. However, as the matter of it being dull, I believe that's a matter of taste. I mean, there's some comments here who said the comedy parts were the WORST! I guess there's just a bit for everybody.

      To be honest, though, I wouldn't read it myself. I hardly believe I even wrote something that dry. So why did I keep it? Well, It's just there. Some people are going to like it and some people aren't, but in the end, I'm pretty much happier with the actual journals themselves than the intro, although I do not regret having tried the serious beginning. At least now I know it was just a tad bit too long. Be assured that I'm probably not going to do something like that ever again, Colt willing, and book two will just be fun from the set off if there's enough demand for it.

      It took me a month to plan and write the entire thing, including forcing two friends to read it over and over and point out all the inconsistencies and mistakes, so I didn't just want to remove it for nothing.

      Call it writer's bias, but I'm still glad you found something to enjoy out of the twisted burning wreckage that was the intro!

      And I'm also glad there were a few who were able to see what I was trying to go for and appreciate the thing as a package.

      Also, I know this is a bit LATE to actually say this, but this is my first piece of fan fiction I have ever written before in my life, and the first piece of work I have actually bothered to try to get published anywhere.

      I'm learning as much as everyone else, and all these comments and feedback are very well received.

      The follow-up has been completed, and it's a VERY short and VERY simple thing, but I hope it answers a few concerns that people have mentioned here in the comments.

      I don't know if anyone's going to like it or not because it's going to be remarkably different than this comedy storm, but it's all for fun, right? =)

      Anyway, thank you everyone who supported me, who enjoyed or DIDN'T enjoy it, you guys are the best.

      tl;dr -

      I like CHEESE and PIE and FRUIT. =B

      ReplyDelete
    112. It's nearly 1pm. I need to be up for work tonight. I've lost three hours of valuable sleep time reading this. And I do not regret a single minute of it.

      To me--and this could be as a result of a sleep-deprived brain--everything seems to make perfect sense in context. The changing viewpoints of Celestia being the biggest thing, I genuinely was hooked as I watched everything she "knew" start to grow less tangible, and the reveal was a perfectly executed twist at the end. Deserves Star-6 status in my humble opi-*zzzz...*

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    113. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    114. Well... I am... confused. I LOVE IT. Why do I love it? It makes no sense! This is terrible fanon, yet IT IS SO GOOD!

      First of all, I love first person stories. Third-person is boring, first-person is awesome. That's my opinion at least. Not that third person actually makes a story bad - See Harry Potter, Dan Brown's books, Past Sins, etc - but I just have this thing about first person stories. Heck, I only kinda liked I Am Number Four because it was first person.

      Secondly, the stories are hilarious and creepy at the same time. The concept of a mad, troll, overly ruling Celestia is known, and I despise it a lot. Imprisoning Luna AFTER she was freed from the moon? Even worse. I also dislike the idea that everything was a fake and that the Elements don't even "work" anymore(I am counting that the story is supposed to be pre-S2). Why do I like this so much still?

      Maybe all the extra job the writer did. He rewrote a Galla song under the perspective of the Celestia character he created. That's certainly NO easy task. And the side stories that go with the narration - Robin Hood? Crazy cannibal Luna that is so easily overlooked by her sister? God this was quite the read. The details on certain parts, and how he knew he overlooked details, yet it was all Celestia's saying "there is no need to look further" or something alike. I guess that's just good first person writing. Oh and the details at date and times. AND the inner jokes from Celestia. Seriously, this is a gem. And it even followed the season 1 episode line, explaining how did winter->fall worked!

      And finally, the end. Ohhhhh the ending. I won't spoil it. But DAT END *insert sunglasses*. Dat ending indeed.

      You are a genius man. I really recommend this gem to anyone. Surely, this isn't your everyday sugarcube vision of the show's world, but it surely is enjoyable.

      Also, Flutterthing.

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    115. A hefty read, but well worth it. Take my stars. Take all my damned stars.

      ReplyDelete
    116. All... all my stars... take them all. Heck, take the damn night sky for this fic. It had me in stitches one second then staring at the words on my screen like they themselves were insane. I LUFF IT. I LUFF CHU. And I'm also looking forward to book two more than I'm looking forawrd to ep3 of season 2.

      Also, WUH HA HAAH

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    117. *completely unmasculine squee*

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    118. I didn't like the intro and actually skipped most of it, but the diaries were a lot of fun to read.

      I love how Celestia is mostly benevolent, but on the other hand she is also utterly ruthless in eliminating any percieved threat to her power.

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    119. Holy christ, Part 2. Read it in one sitting. I regret nothing.

      It takes serious skill and work to write for each of those points of view, and do it in a way that doesn't contradict and adds depth to the original narrative. And that ending gave me the chills.

      Please write book 2 of this as soon as humanly (ponily? ponyly? ponylyly ... screw it.) possible. This deserves a 6-star rating.

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    120. Kitsune you are a very good at plotting and characterization.
      and i am glad luna didn't eat them

      ReplyDelete
    121. Thank you guys =3 You really made my day. Honestly.

      Well unfortunately, Book 2 won't be here for a while yet. It's gonna be done for the same thing that I did for season 1, but without the crappy long winded history (BECAUSE THAT'S OVER AND WE NEVER HAVE TO GO BACK HERE AGAIN HAHAHA) but don't worry.

      Without spoiling anything, I have a really lovely love story coming out for halloween, and then after that I'm working on a little something regarding the end of LunaSidE.

      Well, a big something, really. Keep tune, everypony, and thank EVERYONE for the support. I love you all.

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    122. I liked the second part a lot more than the first, especially since it was more consistent. The first one was mixing a lot of different elements and the combination of Celestia's insanity and the resulting tragedy / comedy didn't always work so well.
      The second part however gave a nice look behind the scenes. Especially the part with Luna's cellmates was interesting - although it was pretty obvious that not everything the first story suggested about Luna was true.

      ReplyDelete
    123. @fakeguy

      This is from Wikipedia about the difference between horses and ponies:

      The general rule for height distinguishing between a horse and a pony at maturity is 14.2 hands (58 inches, 147 cm). An animal 14.2 h or over is usually considered to be a horse and one less than 14.2 h a pony.[28] However, there are many exceptions to the general rule. In Australia, ponies measure under 14 hands (56 inches, 142 cm).[29] The International Federation for Equestrian Sports, which uses metric measurements, defines the cutoff between horses and ponies at 148 centimetres (58.27 in) (just over 14.2 h) without shoes and 149 centimetres (58.66 in) (just over 14.2½ h) with shoes.[30] Some breeds which typically produce individuals both under and over 14.2 h consider all animals of that breed to be horses regardless of their height.[31] Conversely, some pony breeds may have features in common with horses, and individual animals may occasionally mature at over 14.2 h, but are still considered to be ponies.[32]

      The distinction between a horse and pony is not simply a difference in height, but other aspects of phenotype or appearance, such as conformation and temperament. Ponies often exhibit thicker manes, tails, and overall coat. They also have proportionally shorter legs, wider barrels, heavier bone, shorter and thicker necks, and short heads with broad foreheads. They may have calmer temperaments than horses and also a high level of equine intelligence that may or may not be used to cooperate with human handlers.[28] In fact, small size, by itself, is sometimes not a factor at all. While the Shetland pony stands on average 10 hands (40 inches, 102 cm),[33] the Falabella and other miniature horses, which can be no taller than 30 inches (76 cm), the size of a medium-sized dog, are classified by their respective registries as very small horses rather than as ponies.

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    124. You know, I honestly didn't put that much thought into it.

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    125. Wait, there's another part? I thought it was just a oneshot.

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    126. I swear to god I felt chills at the serial killers last entry.

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    127. Pretty frickrn epic!!!

      Yeah, reading the 172 pages of the first one you think Luna killed all those ponies and ate them........ Glad it got me sorted out.
      And GEEZ that Kindneyripper giy is CREEPY. Same with that stalker ugh......

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    128. I seem to have a problem with reading the second part. It comes up as blurred gibberish. Unless it was supposed to be like that for literary effect, I think there's a problem with my system, or the story.

      ReplyDelete
    129. It's google docs being overloaded and stupid. Either download the original using the link on the page itself, or refresh. I'd recommend downloading and reading it in the PDF reader of your choice.

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    130. I have to say this: I honestly think this is a milestone in Trollestia-fanfics. I read the first hundred-and-twenty pages in one sitting. The sheer dedication to following canon is stunning, and the characterization of Trollestia is superb. Kudos to you!

      ReplyDelete
    131. ....ok, the last 2 pages of the second story creeped me the hell out.

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    132. Really interesting take on.. well.. the whole show in fact.

      Yes the start, the scrolls differ very much of the diary and is considerably... different, maybe you could have had them in between sections of Diary. I like the "Ponies taking over Earth" take on the formation of Equestria.. a very fitting yet crazy explanation to some.. things. And I absolutely love your sort of semi-troll Celestia.. or is it "purposeful semi-troll Celestia"? Anyhoof I myself do not imagine her canon self as an “troll/overlord/tyrant” but.. your take on Celestia is very appropriate for this specific version of story. And nice work on solving some “problems” brought about in the show(eg- Spike’s Ketchup Trails). Thought right now I am kinda disappointed that you didn’t really mention anything about the Equestrain railway service.. well maybe Celestia had forgotten!

      Oh and did I mention? This fanfiction is hilarious!

      "Apparently the clan is led by a fellow named Chief
      Thunderbowels or something, and his wiser, younger assistant, Little Strongheart, who is also
      the only female in the clan, which will make her teenage life very interesting."

      xD(I’d quote a lot more but.. that’s not necessary)

      Moving on, the way season 1 has been retold(with extensive detail mind you) completely and a job well done in making it interesting and readable instead of being Season 1 with Celestia's commentary. And don't forget, most of us can retell the almost all the episodes by heart.

      The ending was handled nicely, I did feel quite sad.. with the goodbyes and all :( (which is a good thing)

      Poor Luna.. and Pinkie Pie being the Scourge.. I should have guessed..

      From the side of complaints it is really the dull start, again, you could have taken it differently. I don’t feel it’s something wrong with your “plot”- just the presentation. Even though I did say that the retelling of everything was enjoyable they were probably inevitable places where the progression was a little slow and.. boring? Maybe just a little whittle boring!

      Rating this in perspective of the general quality of writing of fanfics here I’m going to have to say “Great” on a scale of Appalling to Awesome. Still that would be a 5/5. 

      I’m going to read LunAsidE now.. or later tonight.


      PS- did Luna.. eat those ponies who were imprisoned with her? D:

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    133. I'm conflicted as to what I think of the first story. It had some laughs, but I'll admit to thinking they felt misplaced. The story was Much to serious for most of them to feel "right".

      I mean, you're mixing in some quite horrible subjects and turning them into really bad jokes.

      The writing style was nice and even throughout, I found myself wanting to see what came next. I do think the difference between the letters and the diary was quite jarring though. I mean, if she purposefully set out to write that diary for Twilight to read, then why in the world would she write it so informaly? In fact, why would she purposefully add in stuff that I'm pretty certain even "Tyrant Celestia" could figure that Twilight just wouldn't have any use for.

      The ending also felt really malplaced. Like a shot out of nowhere that twists the whole fic upside down. It would have been better handled if it was slowly progressing throughout the fic, offering hints on that not everything is right.

      Spoiler: Instead, we first get introduced to Canibal Luna who then starts offering sage advice only to reveal that she's purposefully been fooling Celestia all along? Huh?


      I did manage to read through all 150 or so pages in a day, so I can't say it didn't entertain me. But it never felt like I was reading about the same relate-able little ponies we've all come to love.

      Oh well. I'll probably read diary two tomorrow :).

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    134. @ Zanzibar

      Because it's not a linear fiction. The character evolves and changes her mind and viewpoints throughout the 'story' as she writes it, and the letters were written at the start of the time she started writing the diaries.

      The fact that her emotions took over and she added a bunch of stuff that, as you say, Twilight would have no use for is part of the flaws of the character that I designated for her in this alternate reality. The whole thing is a reflection of her state of mentality and where her primary focuses lie.

      As for the humour, yeah, it's black, and it surely isn't for everyone! It's just my style. Nothing more, nothing less. Still, I'm glad you were entertained. The rest I won't comment on because I'm not sure how you interpreted it.

      And no, you are definitely not meant to relate to them as the ones in the show. Which really, is the point.

      @merc312

      Thank you for your thoughts! While it is the same thing that I've been getting so far as part of a general consensus, it's only repetition which really shows where the weakness in a piece of art is. So I will also repeat, as a sign of my recognition, that I will probably maybe quite possibly not do that kind of drivel again, or at least if I do, find a way to do it that doesn't eat people's faces.

      And JUST for you:

      The reason why Celestia never commented on the pony express trains was because during its conception she took one look at it, went 'huh, alright'. And then never tried to think about it ever again. It just simply hurt too much.

      Personally though, I found it hilarious enough as it is when I saw it in the show, and I really didn't feel that it needed prodding.

      And as for your P.S.?

      MEBBIE.

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    135. This is not funny-funny, and kinda sad and wrong, but is funny in some way nonetheless.

      "Animals under Fluttershy's care get better quickly because if not, Fluttershy will continue to inflict a myriad of strange and exotic tortures upon them." this comment about phoenix's treatment made me laugh.

      ReplyDelete
    136. This was wonderful and hilarious, but I have to wonder if you'll be following up on the second story?

      ReplyDelete
    137. It was entertaining to see Luna's perspective on all this. But the Ripper guy was creepy. Especially the last page. *shudders*

      ReplyDelete
    138. @ Matt

      Yes. But not as part of the 'diaries' series. Stay tuned.

      ReplyDelete
    139. I know exactly what you mean and I cannot wait to see the thrilling conclusion!

      ReplyDelete
    140. Conclusion? You mean beginning, don't you? ;)

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    141. More amazingness. True artistry with limited points of view, letting the audience watch everything click into place. And a heartfelt agreement with some previous comments, in that it took the space of three words at the very end to completely unsettle this reader.

      Eagerly awaiting more.

      ReplyDelete
    142. On a side note, what happened to Nightstick? I apologize if you wanted that to be ambiguous, but I'm just curious.

      ReplyDelete
    143. >Skyward Surge
      I see what you did there.

      Also, FIFTH: LUNA?! And bringing the letters back for that twist, and neighbor, and hnnng!? I really hope you don't plan to wait for Season 2 to finish before writing Book 2, I'd have a really hard time waiting that long. :x

      Also, I now feel bad for assuming that Luna was being a cannibal, even though the evidence from Book 1 seemed overwhelming. I suppose that's why I'm not a police investigator.

      ReplyDelete
    144. @ Misharra

      Thank you! =3

      @ Commenter129

      Nightstick? Really? Well. I'm not about to write the prison logs of Nightstick: the side story of a minor character OF a side story OF a side character, because that might be stretching it a little. But I guess that's why I'll never stop being pleasantly surprised by the fandom.

      Alright, I'll bite. After Luna's eventual release, she petitioned for Nightstick's commendation and promotion, and now he has a big paycheck and a cushy new job as Guard Overseer for the Prison department. It's a big responsibility but he's up for it, and he still meets Luna every once in a while to catch up on old times. Even though Luna and Nighty both have much more to do now in their personal capacities, they will always remember each other in their hearts as being old, close friends. Also, he might be back later. Who knows?

      @ Cedric

      I HAS DIDS NOTHING. >_> <_<

      I'm afriad I am, though, bad news. I can't start writing because I don't know what's going to happen in the rest of the episodes, and I simply need to know before I can start to put yet another widly crazy out there overarching plot that Celestia is going to be paranoid about and Luna is going to try to have to diffuse. (Or not! Who knows how it'll go?)

      BUT, don't worry, as I said in an earlier comment, I will be following up to this twist, but in a different way.

      Keep an eye out for 'These City Walls', coming soon.

      Also, yes, you may not be a police investigator, but on the other hoof maybe that's why I'm one of those butthead kind of writers who enjoys purposely misleading people so I can later go haaaaaaaaa and do a little silly dance.

      But you still didn't see anything so stop trying to find all the clues I left in the second book which will give alert readers a bit of insight as to the character found in that upcoming project. >_>;

      ReplyDelete
    145. @KitsuneRisu
      Thanks. Personally I was just wondering whether or not he ended up dying in the confusion of the fight or not.

      ReplyDelete
    146. Well.
      I just finished reading the diary, and I must say: Well done! As I read, I felt distain for Celestia grow the whole time. Before long, I hated her. Everything she did was so wrong! But you managed to have her (mostly) redeem herself in the end there. It was brilliant! It started serious, then it went crazy, and then it got tied together in a neat little bow! And I loved it...
      Well, mostly.
      I only had one real issue. Luna. Or rather, Cannibal Luna. Cannibalism makes my stomache churn. However, I'm not going to hold it against you. I just want one thing: An explanation. Some sort of reasoning that explains why Luna, who ends on such a fine note, would ever be a cannibal!
      WHY!?!

      ReplyDelete
    147. Indeed! Luckily I prepared a reply in advance. :-D The answers you seek can be found in LunaSidE.

      ReplyDelete
    148. Well... first and most important sorry for my english, it's realy hard for me even speak or write comments in my own lenguage.

      i love this fic, makes me laugh a lot, it was really hilarious, but i got a little disapointed about the non cannibal Luna (i like cupcakes, i think that explains why, but this fic isn't grimdark so i deal whit it xD) and like all the others says, the intro don't fix whit the rest of your work, but for me it wasn't because its long or boring or whatever, its because shows a celestia that doesn't exist in mlp:fim or the diarie, it feels like those letters has been writed by another celestia and the diarie by trollestia xD

      Another thing that i really want someone try to explain me is why the descrying devices at sougar cube corner did't work, i know its a silly but still now im wondering what happends to those, spike hid them inside a cake or something and pinky eat them or what? btw... excelent, this is probably the first time i see the 4 wall trespassed inside a book

      ok that's all you earn all my stars

      PS: i kind of hate you, before clicking on "post comment" i read again some random pages and come across fluttershy's report and i realice that im a thing >=(

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    149. To ShadowsPony:
      C'mon, bro, don't leave me hanging. I need to see your response to LunAsidE now! D:

      ReplyDelete
    150. @ -K Project-

      Well if you like grimdark you might like what I have up next!

      And to explain the thing about 'different' Celestia. It does seem like a different pony, but the way I saw 'this' Celestia (or as I call her Overlestia) is able to talk to the public in a manner that is befitting her status, but hides all the meanness on the inside. The letters were written to Twilight as an OFFICIAL document, and therefore, she had to use a different kind of language. The diaries, not so much, and she was just going crazy. For example, when you write a letter to your school, or to apply for a job, it'll sound a lot different than chatting with your friends online, yes? Same idea.

      To exaplin the descrying devices, what it was actually was a sort of joke based on the end of episode 9, Bridle Gossip. Now a lot of people noticed this, but if you haven't, Pinkie Pie stares RIGHT into the camera at the very last part of the episode. The way I explained this was that her pinkie sense was alerting her to all the devices around her, and she also managed to find and throw them away. Fanonically, though, she didn't know what they were, and she chewed on a few, decided they weren't biscuits, and then tossed them out. This is later explained in the section which I detail all the 'pinkie sense' cause and effects, and one of them mentions the possible ability of finding devices.

      And yes, flutterthing, are you going to CRY? HUH? Blocks have no tears.

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    151. Wonderful.

      Just as good as the first part--okay, maybe a littttllle worse. It got confusing at first. With all the different diaries for different characters.

      But it all worked out. :)

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    152. @ Cedric Bale
      Well, um, you're eager to see my reply? I'm... Flattered, I suppose. But don't worry, I'll read the other one soon.

      ReplyDelete
    153. Hello Everypony! My Halloween Special was denied posting on EQD =D

      Guess it was too... um.. lovely =D

      Obviously it would defeat the purpose of posting the link HERE, but I'd like to say that I'm going to upload it to the Pony Fiction Archive, so if anyone's interested in reading a halloween love story, head on over there and give me all your love.

      yay~

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    154. @KitsuneRisu

      Oh GOD NO!!!
      That...
      Just NO
      That was brutally horrific!!!

      I feel so awful after reading that... WHY did I track it down. I really hope a wave of happy and dramatic stories pop up soon! Past Sins and Macintosh are complete... I want more like those!

      I'm gonna go have some nice nightmares now...

      Nope... Campfire story for Nightmare Night. That's all it was. Just a made up campfire story... Rainbow Dash probably came up with it. She'd be the one to take the story to at least 20% creepier.

      Also... GOOD FREAKING GOD what is with these stories that keep popping up make out straight ponies in Equestria to be the odd ones out, like gay ponies is the norm? I get that people like to ship ponies that way. Heck, it doesn't phase me... but GOD! This whole reversal absurdity! Are writers HOPING to extinguish the pony race? Is this retaliation against straits??>?/?.
      WORK TIME FUN!!!!

      The FFFFFUUUUUUUUU??>?>??//

      I'm not fixing those punctuations. ^^^
      They match my utter confusion

      ---

      Please note, the comment above is directed to your "Halloween Special" that was denied posting, and not to the "Diaries" stories. I liked the Diaries story... though Luna BETTER be OK in the next story. I mean... she IS an Alicorn after all.

      ReplyDelete
    155. @KitsuneRisu

      Also... LOL @ "Delicious Caek" Avatar.
      I just now noticed it! :D

      You are a lie, apparently? That's good... means your stories are lies! LOLOLOLOL!

      Yer "Love . Sick" story still creeps me the hay out in more ways then Ah can even list. Ah say it's just a creepy ol' Nightmare Night story one of the mares told. The gals'll all be awkward 'round each other for a week er so... but then all'll be fine. I'tain't ev'n real, none. Ah'm stickin' to them guns. Huh... Wha... what ack cent? <--(said a very alive AJ)

      ReplyDelete
    156. @richfiles

      Haha! Ok, that actually made me genuinely laugh =) Congrats.

      ReplyDelete
    157. Ok, I just finished LunAsidE.
      My word.
      First, I found your Luna to be abso-friggin-lutely adorable. Not to mention funny. It was just too much.
      I also like the feel you gave to Kidneyripper's entries. Made me think of a certain character from Watchmen. Brilliant. The Stalker entries were spot-on for feel as well.The painter's entries were rather plain, but I suppose that works.
      But that ending.
      My word.
      That last entry.
      Didn't see it coming.
      Perfection.
      Can not wait to read more.
      Started talking like Kidneyripper. This is unacceptable.

      Anyways, cool story, bro.

      Oh yeah, and Luna wasn't a cannibal, that was nice.
      It makes my freak-out earlier a little embarassing, though.

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    158. @ ShadowsPony

      Nah, don't be silly. Ain't embarassing at all. If anything, your outburst just shows that you were emotionally invested in the characters that I had written. And I can't speak for anyone else, but that to me is a big compliment in on itself, for if I can't write a relatable and living character that people care about, then I have failed as a writer. FAILED.

      I'm really glad you liked it. =)

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    159. @KitsuneRisu

      Okay, this story took several hours over a couple days to read. After finishing, I must say that I am very impressed with a number of features of DoaEO. First off, the sheer length of the story is really something. Like I said, it took me several hours to get through it. I admire when an author can keep me interested in a story for that long.
      Now let's examine the characters in your story. Basically, let's just examine Celestia. I know that the Trollestia image has been going on now for some time, but this story takes it to the extreme. And that was just fantastic. This story will probably become canon for the Trollestia interpretation. I liked the slightly insane touch you added to her. It's a good explanation to why your Trollestia is such an extreme troll. I laughed a lot during this fic, which is always good for these reviews. The humor was pretty good most of the time.
      I've seen a couple complaints above about Celestia being out of character in this story. I feel as if they have no real right to complain about that. Celestia's character in the show is up for interpretation because we do not have her internal monologue like we do with Twilight, and even the times when we see her act directly are few and have little context. For all we know, she could just be a gigantic troll. Some of her actions do seem to be befitting of a trollish individual. And even if her character is off, so what? The purpose of this story is not to detail the "true" events of the show. It's a humorous take on the actions of a character that is arguably troll-like in nature. You cannot say a story isn't good just because you don't like an interpretation that the author has made.
      Though I think your Celestia portrayal is fantastic, there is arguably one little faux pas in the character portrayal in your story though. That little problem lies with Luna. There is a shift between cannibalistic and voice of reason going on with her. Although cannibalism does not rule out one's capacity for wisdom or reason, it does IMPLY a bit of insanity. This just clashed a bit for me. Perhaps this issue will be cleared up in LunAsidE, but for now, it just sticks in my head as a bit of an incongruity.
      Plotwise, I'd say the story is pretty good. Except for the beginning. The beginning caused me to derp just a couple of times. The "orb" explanation just didn't really cut it. Otherwise, it was really well done. It covers the entire spread of episodes and adds little bits in a funny way. I'm not sure if I'm too fond of how Celestia lost her trollish edge in the end, but it was done in a believable way so I cannot fault that.
      Special commendations for: the song at the end, the consistency of humor, the "peanut" tone used with Luna, Spike's writing, and the little additions to the storyline of Ponyville and Equestria (economics and such).
      Final rating: I'd give this story good 4.5/5. The human thing and the Luna switch just kept me from giving this story a perfect rating. Other than those two items, the story was incredibly well-written. My hat is off to you. Now to begin LunAsidE...

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    160. Okay, I finished that faster than I expected. A LOT faster than I expected. Okay, so I'll just say that this story was not quite as awesome as the last one, but it was still pretty good. Was this story always in your head, or was it written as an after-thought response to the whole cannibal Luna thing? It really was an elegant solution to that problem though. I laughed at the whole "Peanut" tie in.
      I hope to see more of your stuff here on EqD soon. It was all a pleasure to read.

      ReplyDelete
    161. @ TwinkiePinkiePinkiePink

      That was a really long and really detailed review. It's really pleasurable to read them, so thanks very much for the effort!

      To clear up some of your questions and comments; I guess I should delve into a little bit of history of how this whole thing got started in the first place. If you read some of my earlier comments as well, you'd know that the journals were actually done AFTER the original letters (which weren't even really in letter FORM in the first place), and were edited to be as such after deciding to expand the project.

      So why humans? Because, simply, it was a joke. Between my and my friends. In older generations of MLP, there were human characters and human villains and humans just walking around. Where'd they go? We theorized that perhaps something happened to them which became canonical to this interpretation of MLP (FiM).

      Now, the derp parts. Orbs? I never said they were nuclear devices, so I hope you didn't think they were. A lot of people on this board save ONE actually said they were and that was an assumption, just as I had done with Luna being a cannibal. I purposely neglected to mention anything specific so that people COULD and WOULD invent some creative way to think of what they could actually be, but in the end what I had in mind was that the orbs were NOT any particular kind of science that we have now, but rather some sort of magical device by themselves. But as all stories are, it's open to reader interpretation.

      As for Celestia losing her trollish edge... well... don't worry. Book two will have a different spin on it that will keep things pretty fresh and exciting, I hope, but that honestly depends on how season 2 runs. And just because someone fights off their personal demons doesn't necessarily mean they've lost that part of their character, eh?

      As for LunaSidE, no, the story was NOT in my head. I'll be honest. I wrote the whole thing over one weekend in response to many people going "OH MY GAH, LUNA IS CANNIBUR", so I figured, well, let's clear that up. I am a whore, and I want my delicious star points, you see. And as you have said, the 'Luna' idea was one of the things preventing that extra half point. Of course, I never DID say she ate them, did I? I was trying to be intentionally vague as well, so people could go argue about it. And I think there was one fella here who actually also pointed out that I never explicitly said she ate anypony.

      Of course, belief spreads like wikipedia entries, so I just thought it would be fun to expand the story a little bit and have things seen from her side, as well as the viewpoints from her alleged victims. And of course halfway through I suddenly have this vicious idea for a twist, and bam, there you go, and Bob's your uncle.

      The ending is opening a door...

      And the door is coming very soon. =)

      Thank you again for your most impressive report.

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    162. I just went through the first one.
      Quite enjoyable.

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    163. @KitsuneRisu

      I'm really impressed at the fact that you wrote LunAsidE on a whim. The fact that you left enough room for interpretation that would even allow you to write the LunAsidE interpretation is actually mind-blowing.
      You keep on hinting (not-so-subtly) that there is more to come. Around when will that be? I'm actually really eager to read more of your stuff

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    164. I love they might be shires... i think?

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    165. @ TwinkiePinkie

      Thanks =) Well, these ponies are inspiring, aren't they? Season 2 is going to be a big challenge for me too, the way things are going so far! So many things I guessed wrong, especially about Luna's character!

      And regarding the 'more' stuff, actually it's been out for a while already;

      http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/10/story-these-city-walls.html

      It's more of a spin-off, but kind of follows the plot. I decided to do it this way as a method of expanding the whole universe and making an actual proper story out of it rather than just another 'wrap-up'. It might not be the same style at all, but I'm saving that for book 2. I really wanted to try a more character-oriented narrative rather than a silly goofy thing, so this one's a bit more serious but I do hope you'll like it anyway.

      @ Tvoie

      Particle Mare~ Particle Mare~

      And before anyone asks, yes, the name of one of the characters in These City Walls WAS inspired by a They Might Be Shires song, but has a deeper meaning as well.

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    166. just finished the journal, holy shit, just...wow
      though I have to ask, was Luna turning to cannibalism?

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    167. also, damn season 2 blew this right out of the water didn't it?

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    168. OH FU-
      sorry for trip post
      just finished part 2

      ReplyDelete
    169. It did. But therein lies the challenge =)

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    170. @KitsuneRisu

      Please don't respond to Jacen's "season 2 blew this out of the water" as such. It's just letting these people continue to misunderstand HOW a fandom works.

      People, I've said this hundreds of times already, and I'll say it again.

      Fanon > Canon in a fandom. The entire point of a fandom is to collect, create, and share ideas on the source material. Canon is that source material from which you build up from, it is NOT the end-all be-all.

      If the next episode has Twilight Sparkle as an elephant dreaming that she was a pony, we are not going to all suddenly change our stories so that it's My Little Elephant.

      Canon is just there to give inspiration to people who want to create fanfiction, or art, or music. Nothing more, it never defeats fanon, because no writer is creating a canon piece of literature. They are -not- employed as the show's writers, which would make it canon.

      Everything a fan creates is in a completely separate continuity, where all things within it are left entirely to their whim. The only people who haven't realized that yet seem to be new to fandoms as a whole, so I'm trying to restrain my sheer annoyance and speak simply.

      Kitsune has given us a flippin'-fantastic work here, and we need to appreciate it based on its own merits, not compared to what appears in the show. I think that's all for now.

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    171. Yay! I'm thrilled to see so many folks noting KitsuneRisu's talents! This makes me happy!

      You know, in a seething, hateful way. I do have an image to uphold! In my mind, at least.

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