• Story: The Worst Bakers in Equestria (Update Complete!)

    [Random][Comedy] Story 1 (Each section is complete)

    Author: Bob from Bottles
    Description: Princess Luna learns of the Worst Baker in Equestria Competition and wonders if she has what it takes to compete. She decides to practice in the royal kitchens and the chefs soon learn just how bad of a cook she can be.
    The Worst Bakers in Equestria - Luna's Soup Adventure

    Additional Tags: Luna, Competition, Baking, Discovery, Bad luck

    All stories after the break! 



    [Random][Comedy]Story 2
    Description: Ditzy Doo wakes up early one morning to make breakfast for her daughter. However, being one on the Worst Bakers in Equestria means that Ditzy's kitchen is about to become a war zone.
    The Worst Bakers in Equestria - Breakfast for Dinky


    Additional Tags: Ditzy Doo, baking, bad luck, battle, love

    [Random][Comedy] Story 3
    Description: Rainbow Dash is the current champion of the WBE's and ready for some training. However, things don't go as planned and she soon finds herself trying the impossible: baking good.
    The Worst Bakers in Equestria - Rainbow Dash's Training

    Additional Tags: Rainbow Dash, baking, training, bad luck, taffy

    [Random][Comedy][Sad]
    Description: The Great and Powerful Trixie is not one of those pathetic Worst Bakers in Equestria. Trixie is amazing at everything she does. Trixie is only having a bit of bad day, is all. She most certainly isn't on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
    The Worst Bakers in Equestria - The G&PT's Terrible Day

    Additional Tags: Trixie, bad luck, bottled emotions, mass hysteria, puppets

    [Random][Comedy]

    Author: Bob From Bottles
    Description: The day of the Worst Baker in Equestria competition has finally arrived. Will Luna discover the source of the bad baking magic before she runs out of coffee? Will Ditzy's hopes and dreams come true? Will Rainbow Dash be able to keep her cool when a new rival appears? Will Trixie actually bake something in this story? And just what are Spike and Pinkie Pie up to? The preliminaries are starting and when this many bad bakers gather in one spot, anything can happen.
    The Worst Bakers in Equestria - The Preliminaries

    Additional Tags: Baking, bad luck, discovery, rivalries, sidekick



    [Random][Comedy]
    Description: The night of the Worst Baker in Equestria competition has finally arrived. Luna, Ditzy, Rainbow Dash and Trixie have overcome many obstacles to get this far. Mistakes will be made and taste buds destroyed as eight ponies vie to become champion. However, in the end, there can only be one Worst Baker in Equestria.
    The Worst Bakers in Equestria - The Competition


    Additional Tags: Baking, bad luck, rivalry, competition, choices Luna, Ditzy Doo, Rainbow Dash, Trixie

    [Random][Comedy]

    Description: Excited by the outcome of last night's competition, the Cutie Mark Crusaders set out to see if they have what it takes to bake bad. That is if they can find somepony willing to lend an oven first.
    The Worst Bakers in Equestria - CMC WBE, YAY!

    Additional Tags: Baking, bad luck, ovens, experimentation, anticipation Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle

    128 comments:

    1. Happy comedy Luna and Derpy? have to read this after all the grimdark being posted i cna't read.

      ReplyDelete
    2. The worst bakers in Equestria?

      I must say that it's an interesting premise...

      ReplyDelete
    3. Something happy for once? Huzzah!

      ReplyDelete
    4. The actual competition is going to be a riot of hilarity. Calling it now.

      ReplyDelete
    5. 8D This... The GREAT and POWERFUL Trevor is impressed! (And the GREAT and POWERFUL Trevor isn't impressed easily!) There was a perfect balance of humor, empathy for when things didn't go well for Ditzy at times, while still retaining that hope that it would turn out well in the end! The GREAT and POWERFUL Trevor cannot wait until the next story comes out! 5/5 Stars minimum!

      ReplyDelete
    6. Both stories were hilarious and the second story had hearth.

      ReplyDelete
    7. Switch the name "Ditzy Doo" with "Gadget Hackwrench" and you'll realize why another genius ditz isn't allowed near a kitchen.

      ReplyDelete
    8. And here I thought pinkie was the worst Baker with her rainbow cupcakes... will check this story out later tonight.

      ReplyDelete
    9. Hello everyone!
      Glad so many like the stories so far.
      Two more contestants to introduce, then comes the preliminaries and then the competition itself.
      Stay tuned!

      ReplyDelete
    10. I lost my mind reading Derpy's. That is EXACTLY how I imagined her mind to work.

      ReplyDelete
    11. @ImperialAlicorn

      Pinkie Pie and her "rainbow cupcakes" is less "baker" and more "butcher".


      Now all we need is a candlestick maker and we have Pony Nursery Rhyme!

      ReplyDelete
    12. One of the funniest parts for me was at the end of the second story when she accepted her fate and waited for the bread to burst into flames.

      ReplyDelete
    13. These stories were brilliant, and I can't wait to see who the other ponies with an inability to bake are.

      ReplyDelete
    14. Derpy's was just ADORABLE!!!! And huh I guess Rainbow Dash (or at least the dash of my rps >>') has the inability to bake as well xD'

      Cant wait to see who all the contestants are....!!!

      ReplyDelete
    15. I love these stories, I laughed out loud quite a few times! (Especially the part where the water suddenly busts into flames) I work as a chef and I can completely sympathise. When the kitchen feels like it, everything that can go wrong will go wrong.

      As for past experiences once I burnt a pan of salted water, that wasn't one of my good days.

      ReplyDelete
    16. Heh, "Brave Little Toaster"

      ...What, don't tell me I was the only pony to notice?

      ReplyDelete
    17. @Guywithpasta

      Don't you worry, you weren't. Although now I feel tempted to fetch the old VHS out and watch it one more time.

      ReplyDelete
    18. i can't recall a time i smiled all the way through reading something. this is pure comedy gold and Ditzy's story is a marvelous example of how you don't need a lot of dialogue to make someone laugh. it reminded me of the old Mr Bean shows i watched when i was younger. Good Show!

      ReplyDelete
    19. @Guywithpasta

      I'm glad I'm not the only one that remembers that movie. It was my favorite as a kid.
      The clown was pure nightmare fuel for me though.

      ReplyDelete
    20. “Is there a way to bake soup?”

      That sentence is equal parts "awesome" and "win"!

      ReplyDelete
    21. I thought "Luna's Soup Adventure" would have ended with Luna realizing Celestia was secretly messing with her while she was "baking".

      ReplyDelete
    22. "She looked at the bread expectantly. After a few seconds, the bread caught on fire and Ditzy blew it out." I almost died.

      ReplyDelete
    23. Oh my word... the Luna story was good. But the Ditzy Doo one... it took me a half hour to read it, because I had to stop constantly so I could breath. I was laughing so hard, you sir or ma'am are a genius and I cannot wait for the next installments of this!

      ReplyDelete
    24. I strongly disagree with the description of 'Story 2'.

      Ditzy, at the very least, knows how to make muffins... especially when made for Dinky.

      ReplyDelete
    25. Don't worry Ditzy, my Mom burns EVERYTHING she cooks! She can burn water! Plain, nothing added to it water!

      ReplyDelete
    26. "After a few seconds, the bread caught on fire"

      :D

      ReplyDelete
    27. YOU CAN'T USE THAT IMAGE! THAT IMAGE IS FOR THE FANFIC PARADISE, MAKING YOU NOT ALOUD TO USE IT AS ANOTHER FIC'S PIC!

      ReplyDelete
    28. @TwiLot Sparkle
      The image was choosen for me because I didn't submit my own. You're right though. If it's based on another fanfic, then it shouldn't be attached to mine. I'll see into getting another pic.

      ReplyDelete
    29. Ehehehehe.


      Hehehehehe.


      Heeeeeeee.


      Enough said.

      ReplyDelete
    30. There we go. Brand new image.
      Now we can laugh at my Photoshop skills before laughing at my stories.

      ReplyDelete
    31. I loved both, but I naturally lean toward Derpy more than Luna. Also Derpy's was both sweet and funny.

      ReplyDelete
    32. Story 1:

      ... the ''inability'' thing/idea seems just a little bit forced. By that, I mean that it's like a bit ''pushed'' just to have something opposite to a Cutie Mark's talent ...

      >Luna placed the pot in the sink and twisted the hot water handle; only to have it snap off in her hoof.
      -Super-strong Luna ? ;)

      >“Don’t give me that look. You should know full well that I am not a prankster.”
      -Huuuuuuuuuuuuhh what ?? *Boot to the Head* !
      It is common knowledge that Luna is, to some point, a pony who 'loves good pranks' (doing or receiving them). Many succesful stories show that too.

      >Luna quickly said, “Is there a way to bake soup?”
      -Just add flour, and place in the oven at 400°F... ready the Holywater just in case.

      >“Careful. It might turn your coat green.”
      -Or it might give you super-powers. It's 50/50.

      Story 2:

      ... as I said, Ditzy isn't really a bad baker. She's normally proficient at making, at least, muffins ...

      >This alarm clock no longer wakes me up. I must change the way it functions so that it will continue to wake me up.’
      -And that's how you make ''SCIENCE!''. ;)
      (This also proves that Ditzy is quite the 'smart pony', when it comes to ''alternative solutions''. :) )

      >Anything she did involving dough, ovens or baking trays turned out horribly wrong.
      -I call shenanigan on that ! Everypony know that Ditzy/Derpy can, at the very least, make decent muffins, when she wants to (for Dinky).
      Pancakes, on the other hoof, are apparently outside her field of expertise ?

      >On any other day, Ditzy would have named the chick Peeps and raised it as a pet, but today was serious.
      -Somehow I thought : With some luck, maybe it's a Chocobo ;). Then she would have to rename it 'Boco'.

      >The muffin wasn’t delicious, but it wasn’t bad either.
      -Meh... She's better with muffins than that, really.

      >She looked at the bread expectantly. After a few seconds, the bread caught on fire >She then flipped the toast onto Dinky’s plate
      -Fate will always favor Dinky... and sometimes Ditzy by extension. :)

      >If Ditzy could win, Dinky would have a years worth of free food.
      -You KNOW what must happen now, I suppose ?
      (Or maybe Luna wins and share the prize with the other ponies. That would work too.)

      ReplyDelete
    33. @DreadedCandiru2
      I remember a bit of that old show, the 'Rescue Rangers'... It's was rather good.

      I especially remember Gadget, and the big mouse always saying ''Cheeeeese!'' when there was some nearby.

      ReplyDelete
    34. Promise of more? I love you bob!

      look down, now back up, your food is now fire!

      ReplyDelete
    35. I have to say, I really enjoyed these two and can't wait for more. Unlike Nova25, I rather enjoyed the characters being a bit different from their normal portrayals, and I find the idea in general quite interesting... though I'm not *quite* sure it would fit perfectly in the show. Then again, not everything is meant to be show-fitting, and that doesn't detract from the stories at all!

      ReplyDelete
    36. Part 3 was awesome, i cant wait for even more of these

      ReplyDelete
    37. Rainbow Dash breaks the laws of reality with her baking. She is the Pinkie Pie of bad bakers.
      Luna doesn't stand a chance.

      ReplyDelete
    38. Rainbow's part is at least 20% cooler than the others so far. Hysterical laughter occurred frequently. Can't wait for more :)

      ReplyDelete
    39. All my stars.

      Fantastic premise. Fantastic execution.

      ReplyDelete
    40. Wow this was awesome I couldn't stop laughing!!! XD

      ReplyDelete
    41. I'm glad the stories so far are well received.
      I must say that writing pony fanfiction has been a strangely addicting yet greatly satisfying experience. I look forward to writing more.

      ReplyDelete
    42. Story 3:

      >“The Worst Baker in Equestria,” Rainbow Dash said, brightening up.
      -Only Rainbow Dash for even winning at loosing. ;)

      >Besides, the oven didn’t go up to nine hundred degrees.
      -Which would coincide with the lowest temperature for glass making. Mmh ? Glass Cookies ? I wonder...

      >“I wish that were true, but you are severely underestimating just how bad of a baker I am.”
      -She has a 33% chance that the molecular structure of some of the ingredients spontaneously change at random.

      >On the baking sheet was row after row of blueberry muffins.
      -Kibda like that, yeah. ;)

      >Upon hearing his name, Gummy popped his head out of Pinkie’s mane, looked at Rainbow Dash, squeaked happily, and leapt.
      -''When the Gummis attack !'' : In a cinema near you.

      ReplyDelete
    43. "On the baking sheet were row after row of blueberry muffins." I guess when you have the aura and do everything perfectly, your pecan cookies randomly change into blueberry muffins.

      ReplyDelete
    44. XD Epic ending! The GREAT and POWERFUL Trevor approves!

      ReplyDelete
    45. @Rita Lot
      Somehow, for some odd reasons (brains work in strange ways), I have the pokemon music in my head... when the pokemon evolves.

      *Insert music* Chocolate Pecan cookies evolves into ... ... ... Blueberry Muffins ! ;)

      ReplyDelete
    46. Hm... first three were awesome but the poison joke effect on Trixie?

      Wouldn't poison joke make her magic backfire to make her look utterly pathetic?

      ReplyDelete
    47. @Ludovician

      Maybe I'm wrong here, but I was under the assumption that poison joke doesn't necessarily always take something a pony values and reverses it. I don't think Applejack valued her size or Fluttershy valued her... not originally sounding like a guy?

      If you want to go with the original interpretation then my reasoning is this:
      Trixie is a showoff. She says that 'anything you could do, she could do better'. Reverse that into 'anything you could do, she could do worse' then multiply the effect because of her allergy. That's why anything Trixie tries to do turns out in the worse way possible for her.

      ReplyDelete
    48. I almost felt sorry for Trixie there, These have all been brilliant, I think Derpy/Dity's was my favourite to read though since it was so damn d'aww worthy.

      ReplyDelete
    49. I gotta say, I am *loving* this series so far!

      I'm getting funny looks sitting at a bus stop right now because I was laughing out loud at Trixie ranting 'at' the poor guy who was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

      ReplyDelete
    50. I swear, I did NOT expect ANY of this. This is ridiculous! Cops? WTF they have cops? I mean...tomatoes? How...soap...taffy... blueberry muf- *reads Trixie's*

      ReplyDelete
    51. Oh Trixie, you're such a rabble rouser.

      ReplyDelete
    52. Oooh these are good xD I liked Derpy/Ditsy's and Rainbow's stories the best, but they were all awesome! :D

      ReplyDelete
    53. The GREAT and POWERFUL Trevor feels sad for Trixie, but hopes for her success!

      ReplyDelete
    54. Dang, I hoped for more Luna madness this time ^^

      ReplyDelete
    55. This was awesome, though i expected more bakin' trixie.

      ReplyDelete
    56. @Bob from Bottles That makes sense, I guess. I'm just thinking of it from a perspective of: What would be an amusing thing to happen to (insert afflicted pony here)?

      Anyway, looking forward to part 5

      ReplyDelete
    57. Oh dear, what is going to happen at the actual competition? With this much bad luck in the same spot it will be a miracle if the competition finished with even one contestant standing.

      ReplyDelete
    58. MFW all this bad luck somehow collapses into itself and all the contestants end up making the most delicious dishes ever seen in Equestria.

      Anyway, a bit hard on Trixie there, but still loved the end. You could see it coming a mile away of course, but it was good to see her come to peace with things.

      ReplyDelete
    59. Given how bad Trixie's luck has been, the poison joke will probably wear off just as she's about to show up Rainbow Dash. That being said, I've always suspected that somepony is going to end up talking about the pretty blue plants that show up in her mail satchel every so often when she's feeling down.

      ReplyDelete
    60. This comment has been removed by the author.

      ReplyDelete
    61. Oh boy, this'll end up being an epic showdown at the very least. Keeping in the spirit of a competition, I'll take a shot of doing a breakdown of what our competitors have shown so far:

      -Luna: Being an alicorn and one of the co-rulers of Equestria has many perks, but it doesn't automatically mean everything is easy for you. Doubly so if nearly all of your skills have a 1000 year layer of rust on them. Luna's showing gumption here, and not much else. How she parlays this into a focused drive to produce Equestria's worst baked bads will be key in how far she can go in this year's event. Can a rookie's luck, good or bad, be enough to let her take home the gold?

      -Ditzy Doo: She's got a mother's love and the determination to see her little Dinky smile for a whole year driving her in this competition, and she has the experience of knowing her enemy in the kitchen to back it. She'll face stiff competition from Dash this year, but she knows how to handle her bad luck to actually make it do what she wants, even if it isn't exactly in the manner she wants it. Ditzy stands a good chance of pulling an upset victory if she can keep her eyes on the prize. However, that's never really been her strong point, unfortunately...

      -Rainbow Dash: She's the current two-time champion, and she's aiming to go for a third. She knows the playing field, she's seen the best (worst?) in their own element, and she's even got the knowledge of a previous champion in her back pocket. She, true to form, hones her abilities with practice, like all good competitors should, athletic or otherwise. She'll come in the clear favorite to win it again, and with her competitive drive, she stands a good chance of leaving all challengers in the dust. She does, however, still have control issues with her talent, and will need to find that one edge to ensure victory.

      -Trixie: Relying on outside assistance aside, Trixie's setting herself up for a hard, uphill battle against a rival that she needs to face off against to prove something to herself. She'll need to be able to focus on the task at hand, and hopefully, she'll be able to turn her recent run of bad luck to her favor long enough to come out on top. Poison joke is unpredictable at best, and to actually rely on it for favorable results can only end in laughter, and not the kind anypony would like to receive. Can she manage to corral and tame this wild card of a situation in time to put forth a serious effort, or is she doomed to once again feel the sting of being laughed out of town?

      Seems like fierce competition is on the way. This year's Worst Baker in Equestria Competition looks to be gunning for the title of the most epic showdown of baked bads anypony has ever seen. Let's hope the disaster response teams are ready for it!

      ReplyDelete
    62. A song! You write in a song! This shit is to awesome to be true...

      ReplyDelete
    63. I wonder what they mean when they said that Ditzy has a slippery aura; does that mean that her bad luck comes from her repelling good?

      ReplyDelete
    64. this newest part had me laughing hard enough that I had to stop reading once in a while... I only wish I knew the Tune to the Musical part so I could sing (I made a guess and went for scissor sisters cant decide for the tune)

      ReplyDelete
    65. =) That was so brilliantly funny, truly witty silliness!

      ReplyDelete
    66. I don't think the musical's tune matches any song perfectly. I listened to a lot of Disney villain songs to try and find a melody I liked. Then one morning I woke up and had a song stuck in my head that was a jumbled mash-up of the other songs. So I added lyrics to it.

      ReplyDelete
    67. XD Mario and Luigi? I love you for the ref! XD

      8D YAY! SUPER LUNA AND HER SIDEKICK MUFFIN MARE TO THE RESCUE! BEST! STORY@ EVER!!!! EVER! Magical Trevor KNOWS his stories, and THAT just made it the BEST STORY EVER! 8D

      I sincerely hope that Ditzy Doo wins! She has the best reason of all for winning, and it's out of love for Dinky! (XD And I'm LOVING Ditzy being in on Super Luna and Super Celes! 8D)

      One hopes that one can wait patiently for the next chapter of awesomeness to be completed...

      ~ Magical Trevor

      ReplyDelete
    68. This fanfic is so good. What a wonderful thing to to wake up to and tide me over until part 2 of the season premiere.

      It's also the sort of thing that makes me wish the show's staff did read fanfic, and could somehow buy the rights to fan stories. It's all so perfect: the premise. The Luna. The "I can see everything." The scuba gear. I tittered like a madman.

      Thank you for a wonderful read. Bring on part 6!

      ReplyDelete
    69. This was good before. Really good.

      And then the musical number started.

      I died.

      ReplyDelete
    70. Wait...is it over? I hope not :( I want to see the finals!

      ReplyDelete
    71. @Cyber.Kuriboh

      The next story will cover the competition itself and all the craziness that happens during it.

      I'm also planning one more short story that takes place the day after the competition.

      ReplyDelete
    72. I am not sure if it is my sugar rush talking, but the latest part (the preliminaries) was hilarious. The story was completely coherent, yet made no sense at the same time. The addition of a villain was one of the most fun parts. But the spontaneous song number also deserves credit. This part was just choke full of great spots.

      ReplyDelete
    73. This was hilarious! Worthy competition for the "Progress" series! Bob from Bottles certainly knows how to write comedy.

      ReplyDelete
    74. Love this series and this one is the best by far.
      I love this story.

      ReplyDelete
    75. This is one of those stories that makes me want to give it 5 stars...but then I realize I did that after the first chapter. I wish there was some way to re-star or give bonus stars or something--every piece to date has been excellent.

      ReplyDelete
    76. @Bob from Bottles
      This is awesome. I just love the entire thing, and you have a real knack for comedic timing. But what is the tune for You Have Fallen Into My Trap: The Musical? The entire thing was awesome! I started reading some of the better bits to my non-brony friend and had an awesome response between my evil guy voice and the name Snuggle Cakes. I absolutely loved the Trixie chapter for voices as well, you pulled off Trixie slowly going insane rather well. So, thanks for a good story, and I eagerly await the conclusion.

      ReplyDelete
    77. I have to say, I liked the showing of talent, acquired, inherited, or otherwise, shown in the preliminaries, and the Sub Plot™ was quite enjoyable, tying everything together quite nicely. Really looking forward to the actual finals now.

      I, too, am rooting for Ditzy now. She's just a warm ball of fuzzy goodness in this story, and she deserves to be able to give Dinky the prize. Ditzy Doo, Muffin Mare of Mystery, TO THE RESCUE!!!

      ReplyDelete
    78. Good story

      But i dont' get Rainbow Dash. Why will she lie of something that is so obviously going to blow to her, like promising to give Pinky and Spike parts as commentors?

      Seemst kind of a douche move from her

      ReplyDelete
    79. @Antiguo

      Did Rainbow Dash lie? Did Spike mishear her? Or is something else going on?

      ReplyDelete
    80. I have a soft spot for relentless chaos and chain-reactive failure. And these stories cater perfectly to these tastes. Also to my general like of liberal amounts of fire.

      ReplyDelete
    81. Story 2 (Derpy/Ditzy) :
      SPOILERS AHEAD!!!




      It had been a brave little toaster, always toasting things.
      -Nice reference.

      The word ‘muffinesque’ would even be a stretch.
      -Nice neologism. I approve.

      She looked at the bread expectantly. After a few seconds, the bread caught on fire
      -Genius! Like a Judo-master, Derpy turns her enemy's strength against them...

      ReplyDelete
    82. This story is awesome, it is one of my favorite fanfics! I can't wait to see how it ends!

      ReplyDelete
    83. *blinkablinkablink*

      Hrrf....

      *slowly tips sideways off chair and lies quivering on the floor*

      Please Sir, may I have some more? :)

      ReplyDelete
    84. There needs to be a list made of the best comedy fanfics of all time. This should definitely be near the top.

      ReplyDelete
    85. ...
      UPDATE!

      -added to list of stuff to read-

      ReplyDelete
    86. The problem with this story is that there is far too much I want to comment on for me to be able to do it all, I loved it.

      I really liked the bits with Derpy though, they made me feel incredibly happy everything and very heartwarming.

      I really liked how you portrayed all the characters, especially Derpy and Luna.
      The idea of Derpy thinking of Luna as a superhero amused me no end.

      I think my favourite of the original characters was Royal Blue though, he really had a rather bad day, getting your cutie mark ruined and making Applejack angry at you cold never end well.

      I'd be typing out paragraphs if I commented on everything I liked and found funny so i'll end it here.

      This is one of the few comedy stories I can say I enjoyed throughout. Very well done.

      I never want to have to sit through a yodeling apocalypse ever again though, have you ever heard a mad pony cultist yodel?

      ReplyDelete
    87. It's finished? No more waiting on bated breath? HEEEEELLL Yes.

      ReplyDelete
    88. Despite her being a bit on the loopy side, I would tend to agree with Ditzy on how great her prize is; the only reason she wanted to win is so that she didn't have to serve Dinky baked bads and that's no longer a problem so......

      ReplyDelete
    89. Yep, it's finished :)
      I hope everyone enjoyed reading the series as much as I enjoyed writing it.
      I'd like to thank everyone for the comments. You have all been a huge motivator for me.
      I'm not sure what I'll be writing next but I know this definitely won't be the last story from me.

      ReplyDelete
    90. This was stupidly funny, anything less than 6-stars would be a failure of the system.

      There I was thinking this thing had peaked or even ended after a melodramatic super villain was defeated through song ...

      Then Trixie is fighting a dough monster with a spatula ...

      Really good job here Bob, and I hope you liked it enough to want to write more!

      ReplyDelete
    91. So. Damn. Good. Best comedy fic ever. Of all time.

      ReplyDelete
    92. Oh, sweet Celestia, that was hilarious. 6 stars all around.

      Rainbow Dash hasn't broken every bone in her body, so it must be a delayed reaction? GENIUS.

      ReplyDelete
    93. This story made so little sense that it was awesome because it would make no sense to be awesome at making so little sense.

      Does that make sense?

      ReplyDelete
    94. I love this story, but there is a minor issue I'm having while reading it.

      Bob, is there any chance you'd let me go through it and fix the grammatical errors?

      ReplyDelete
    95. I think this may actually beat Progress.

      ReplyDelete
    96. ok, That was unexpected, A reference to the original monkey island insult sword fighting? TOO awesome!

      ReplyDelete
    97. Some errors should be corrected, yes. Like the part where Trixie rapes an egg on her bowl. xD

      The mental images.

      Still, I loved this fic, and sincerely hope to see more from you, Mr. Bob Bottles, in the future. Also... anyone else get a chill down their spine when they learned the CMC was gaining access to corrupt Alicorn Goddess powers?

      ReplyDelete
    98. @Ludovician

      I would love it if you or anyone else emailed me any mistakes you found.
      I'll be sure to fix them ASAP.

      ReplyDelete
    99. The SOUP
      The SOUP
      The SOUP is on FIRE!
      We don't need no water, watch the mother****er BURN!

      OMG sorry.

      ReplyDelete
    100. Well, Once again I am completely blown away by the high level of quality this community often produces.

      It's been a while since I have laughed at a Fanfiction for the right reasons.

      Each Of the speed rounds had a vastly different feel to them, which I found to be impressive. I mean, How many ways can most people describe a kitchen disaster before it gets old? Not as many as you have, I'm sure.

      The Intermissions were zany, hilarious and just plain fun all around. I'm having trouble deciding which should be canon.

      Speaking of canon, do you have any plans on what to do next? More silly fun stories like this? Something more serious? Something set in the same canon as this story. A sequel even maybe?

      Whatever you do, make sure you do it to the same 6-star level of quality which You did here. Whatever it may be, I'm looking forward to it.

      One thing I didn't quite like about this was the ending. It just seemed too abrupt. I personally think It should of ended on a cutaway to Snuggle Cakes, with him performing a ridiculous evil monolouge; or a cutaway to Regal, revealing that all four intermissions were canon.

      Overall, This gets my 6-star rating. Thank you.

      ReplyDelete
    101. Spectacular.
      I loved the Luna

      I daaaawd at Ditzy

      I lold Raibow Dash

      I chortled at Trixie

      I really loved the preliminaries(Super Luna+Ditzy=Daaaw again)

      I adored the actual competition(Ditzy daaaw again also return of Mr Peeps)

      I was in awe of the intermission (ninjas vs pirates, alien war, sword fighting)

      I extremely enjoyed the drama of the ending

      I rather enjoyed the CMC trying their best.

      I am in debt to you for gracing my mind with such magnificence and so much daaaaaaaawwwwwww.

      Just remember to check through for spelling mistakes. "Trixie raped the egg against the bowl" I really hope she didn't.

      ReplyDelete
    102. @monkeyboyinc
      I have a one-shot story planned. Not going to go into too many details but it involves Pinkie smashing the 4th wall into pieces.
      I have ideas for a sequel to this series but it will probably be a while before I do anything with it.

      It's funny that you mention Snuggle Cakes. There was an epilogue containing him that I cut due to it leaving the story at a bit of a cliffhanger and the sequel being a long way off. You can find it here if you want to see it:
      https://docs.google.com/document/d/16ZZgdl4DFypowRz_0NijJhPnLY_rt1qQW2zJqrAjmeQ/edit?hl=en_US

      What does everyone think? Should I add it back in?

      @ApetureTestSubject and Kayriel

      Oops. I fixed that error. Boy is my face red.

      ReplyDelete
    103. @Bob from Bottles Yes! Add it please! Right away! Thank you!

      ReplyDelete
    104. Trixie Rapes Eggs.
      This will be a meme.
      This MUST be a meme.
      Oh god i hope this doesn't become a meme.

      ReplyDelete
    105. OK, epilogue has been pasted back into the story.

      ReplyDelete
    106. This entire set has been absolutely wonderful. The first chapter with Luna was goofy fun, Ditzy was diabetus-inducingly cute, and Dash was just slapstick comedy. Then came the Trixie chapter, which was perhaps the saddest thing I've ever read with a 'comedy' tag stuck on it. The competition itself was no letdown, with explosions, musical numbers, and even a bit of well-deserved exposition thrown in. Even the occasional grammar errors weren't enough to stop me from enjoying every minute I spent reading this series. Excellent work.

      ReplyDelete
    107. "I liked the part where the bear broke into the stadium and started juggling all the ingredients."

      WIN. SO MUCH WIN.

      ReplyDelete
    108. Also, choose your own intermission? /)'3'(\

      ReplyDelete
    109. @Bob from Bottles
      I guess it's too late to tell you not to add that in? Although it makes the ending less abrupt, It makes a loose end which won't be tied up any time soon.

      Although, If handled carefully, I wouldn't mind seeing more of Snuggle Cakes.

      I'm also kinda disappointed by the lack of a ridiculous monologue.

      ReplyDelete
    110. XD That was SO AWESOME! One of the best fanfics Trevor has ever read! SO HILARIOUS! XD One thought that he was going to die from laughing countless times!

      ~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria

      ReplyDelete
    111. @monkeyboyinc
      I suppose the one problem I have with the epilogue is that it commits me to an idea that is still in its infancy. Maybe Snuggle Cakes will return, maybe not.
      I'll leave the Google doc containing just the epilogue up for those interested. When I eventually get closer to releasing a sequel, I'll add it back into the story if I decide to go that route.

      ReplyDelete
    112. With the aid of grammar checking software, I have gone through all of my stories and fixed every mistake I could find. All I have to say is:

      I'm sorry.

      All of you are troopers for being able to tough out my numerous, and somethings embarrassing, mistakes.
      It's not all bad, though. I learned several grammar rules, and I will not be repeating my mistakes in future stories. (I hope.)

      ReplyDelete
    113. Wow. I started reading this when it first popped up ("I could use a good comedy"). After reading the next 2 stories as they appeared, it fell of my radar for a while.

      I am SO glad that I noticed it show up here again. I read all the rest; and there was no waiting for the end.

      I have to say, this was probably one of the most entertaining things I have read lately, and it didnt have any awkward, forced shipping.

      I DIED at pinkie ninja. Died. You monster. I am now trying to convince my artist friend to do something about that part which would make me laugh even more.

      ReplyDelete
    114. Well, that was a very nice way to wrap things up. The "choose what happenes next" bit was entertaining. Of course, any serious fic reader just reads them all in order. I loved the little bit with Luna and Celestia at the end. I find the prologue doesn't add much though. It doesn't really ruin anything either however.

      ReplyDelete
    115. Well, Looks like Sweetie Belle DID get lessons from dash after all, Given her skills in the latest episode

      ReplyDelete
    116. @Lordlyhour

      Yep. Pretty sure when your toast is not only black, but also liquid... You are definitely channeling some bad mojo.

      ReplyDelete
    117. Excellent story!! Dinky's story was especially heart warming! And it's always great to see a great Trixie story. Also, it hasn't been mentioned, but was that a Curse of Monkey Island reference during the sword fight? If so, well played!

      ReplyDelete
    118. The G&PT’s Terrible Day :

      ... Not exactly a fan of ''throwing more shit(pardon the word) at someone/pony already having problems/trying to get back up''... not exactly ideal for an enjoyable story, to say the least ...

      -----

      Not sure where the 'Comedy' was in this one, but anyway... It was ''somewhat'' ok. I think the ''humor'' focus hadn't been placed on the right things.

      ---

      The Preliminaries : (One heck of a LONG part)

      >some rope; it was incredibly useful when needed
      -Never go to adventure without your rope, and a 10Ft pole.

      >Short-range focused-based teleportation anchor.
      >Probably because it had way more syllables than any word should have been allowed.
      -You mean ''Blink'' ? It's like just 5 letters...

      >Luna mentally added ‘taunting monkeys’ to her list of things not to do.
      -Monkeys can be very aggressive creatures, when taunted... especially those with silver backs, and those with nukes.

      >The thermos fell away from Trixie’s lips. Her eyes opened wide, and her whole body began to vibrate.
      >“I can see everything
      -''I can see... The Eternity ! And Steve !''

      >Luna also decided not to think about the number of coffee based spells she had learned during her adventures.
      -Luna, Princess of the Night and the moon, Queen of Coffee !

      >Spike and Pinkie watched as the brown liquid fell from the air and splattered a few feet away.
      -Ewwwww... the mental image... If I didn't know it was coffee.

      >The milk curdled then turned black. It bubbled and began emitting thin wisps of smoke.
      -Stop her ! She's opening a Hellish Portal !.. with milk..? Must be goat milk.

      >Red lights flashed within the clouds as they rumbled ominously.
      >lightning struck the field around them. The winds howled like a dying animal
      -Dear gods, it's opening ! RUN for your life !

      >The dark mixture seeped into the ground. The grass withered and died as the circle of corruption spread.
      >The ponies stared at the thorn patch. In the center was a single red rose.
      -... ... ...ooooooook ? Give her the prize now.
      If there's a pony with worst baking, it might very well cause the Armageddon.

      >“Me?” Trixie laughed. “I am the Great and All-Powerful Trixie!
      -Must be the coffee... she *added* 'all', to her trademark showmare name (G&P-T).

      >Ditzy had been doing
      >Ditzy had arrived
      >Ditzy had to wait.
      >Ditzy tried to keep
      >Ditzy was incredibly happy
      >Ditzy had insisted
      >Ditzy had purchased
      -(In barely 2 small paragraphs) Ditzy should REEEEALLY substitute the 'name' for 'she', from time to time (a bit more)... Also, Ditzy isn't Trixie(3rd person use) or a 5years old child.

      ReplyDelete
    119. @Nova25
      >Exactly the type of bags a princess would use if she was in disguise and didn’t want anypony to know she was a princess.
      -Ditzy is like Sherlock Hooves in disguise.

      >Not only had she discovered that Princess Luna was a super hero, but she now knew that Princess Celestia was one too.
      -Again... NOT a 5years old ! Seriously...

      >Was she some sort of bad baking parasite?
      >She wouldn’t dare to compete if it meant she was stealing from another pony.
      -I'm pretty sure most of those ponies would thank her.

      >Luna could to close of her senses to the bad luck magic
      -I think there's something not right in this sentence ? (error ?)

      >Sweet stared at Ditzy. “Well now,” she said. “You certainly are untalented!”
      -She can bake *MUFFINS* very well, for Dinky at least, thank you.

      > Once they get back and find the doors locked, they’ll know something’s up.
      -Huh... try the windows, maybe ?

      >Whoever did this is another contestant! And they are still in this room!”
      -She didn't see the 'pony' running away earlier ? And, she apparently forgot that she said Ditzy and ''Luna'' went after that same pony, just a minute ago ?

      >Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth. Already Trixie was trying to show her up.
      -She essentially did the same, just a moment ago... In fact, RD is just as ''bad/guilty'' as Trixie.

      >Once they royal sisters are out of the way
      -''the'' (small error)

      >“It seems you foals have fallen into my trap.”
      -''You have activated my trap card !''

      >There are a million ways I could use bad baking to seize control of Equestria.
      -He sounds like the stereotypical kid in his basement that read one too many comic books... and then fell on his head.

      >That stone could remake the very fabric of reality. Or unmake it!
      -And they casually use that for a baking contest ? Without the supervision of the army or one of the Princesses ?
      What next... give the CMC an armed nuke ?

      >“The Princess is naked!”
      -They are all naked... A crown and ''shoes'' don't really count for much, if anything.

      >There was a crashm
      -''crash'' (small error)

      -----

      Well, it was certainly very long, but also relatively enjoyable. Some mild humor, which were mostly the various ''situations'' themselves, rather than precise elements in them.

      ReplyDelete
    120. The Competition : (And I thought last one was LONG ?)

      >The three Crusaders sucked in a deep breath and yelled, “CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS CUTIE FACES ARE GO!”
      -Dear gods ! They found a way to combine each individual 'cutie face' into one and perfected it into a 'Hyper Cutie Face' !
      Only Fluttershy and blind ''people'' can stop the CMC now.

      >theories that the repeated growing and shrinking can cause warped space and other oddities to appear
      -Well, that explain the ''second-dimension room'' thingy, from last part, and how a giant Stadium appeared in Ponyville.

      >Applejack grumbled as she placed her apples into a plastic bag provided by the ticket checker who then gave her a slip of paper with numbers on it.
      -Oh AJ... consider yourself lucky that you aren't in this dimension, with the airports' control stations and stuff.

      >“Blech,” Scootaloo said. “I can’t stand that stuff. It looks like hair on a stick.”
      -Funny thing that Scootaloo mention the 'cotton candy looks like hair', and that Sweetie Belle likes it ;) : http://toxic-mario.deviantart.com/art/Manely-Cotton-305920639

      >“Oh! Don’t worry about it. I’m sure the others have gotten over it.
      -In a ''normal'' reality, yes they should. In 90% of stories, no they haven't, for some godforsaken reasons..?

      >Sweetie Belle stopped chewing and looked at the pink and purple ‘cotton candy’ that was attached to her. “Oh,”
      -Heh. Relatively amusing. (closest thing : http://keanno.deviantart.com/art/Taste-like-Spring-302056934 )

      >Twilight looked to Applejack. “How else are we supposed to know if what they bake is inedible?
      -If it's moving, can speak, bubbles ominously, has visible floating skulls above it, or that a demonic chanting can be heard when you get close (to name just a few)... those are good indications, usually.

      >Trixie watched the bowl. The milk wasn’t curdling or smoking.
      -Once more, the gates of Hells shall be opened ! MOUHAHAHA ! *cough-cough* Akk! The smoke !

      >The dough rose and changed into an arm holding the spoon.
      -A bread golem ? That's a new one. I can definitely see a market for those... Cheap guards, stay magically fresh(more or less), and good for eating. ;)

      >Atop the pedestal were three ponies craved from dough
      -I think you meant ''carved'', right ?

      >Rainbow Dash was furious. There was no way Trixie could have done that on her own. It was impossible.
      >Trixie was cheating. There was no other explanation.
      -You know... at the beginning, her attitude about Trixie was ''ok'', even remotely amusing in its own paranoid way, but now it's getting slightly annoying, really.

      >Trixie road the residual magic into the finish.
      -''rode'' (small error).

      >who could touch the background magic of Equestria itself.
      -You mean not JUST the magic from the *NATION* of Equestria, yes ?

      >Every fundamental rule of Equestria from gravity, to the seasons
      -The author doesn't know that 'Equestria' is the country/nation, not the ''world'' ?

      >Didn’t you listen to my theory? With how bad her bad luck was before, she just might have become the greatest baker ever.
      -Not winning, it's... good, yes ? No, maybe ?
      >She could bake well for Dinky. Every day. Ditzy smiled as she nuzzled Dinky. This was the best prize ever.
      -Yeah... most probably a really good thing, though the free food would have helped too.

      ReplyDelete
    121. @Nova25
      ... The Intermissions were, huh?, well with this part being already REALLY long and all... I found them rather skippable, for the most part, I have to say ...

      >The pegasus was good, as much as Trixie hated to admit. Even with poison joke, this wouldn’t be easy.
      -Some speed, the stage tilting left and right, and some super hot-sauce... is ''good'' ? I think the bread/dough golem, and semi-opening of a Hell portal is a BIT better/more impressive.

      >“I love your ink!” Twilight yelled.
      -Ahh, the famous 'Awkward Fan Yelling' thing. ;)

      >Rainbow Dash said before Trixie could speak, “that doesn’t mean I should be treating you like I have been.
      -You can say that twice and again.

      >The nulstone is capable of completely shutting down my powers
      -(Temporarily)Paralyze, not ''shutting down''... from what happened, at least.

      >“It does seem an odd thing to hold a grudge about for so long.”
      -Yes, yes it really does.

      >She was still a boastful little egomaniac
      -Sincerely... I would have trouble differencing Trixie with RD, right now... But, oddly enough maybe, Trixie is less annoying than RD, in this story.

      >(Trixie: )“And you accuse me of having a big ego?”
      -Exactly. Just that.

      >but you will not receive the grand prize or a trophy.”
      -Well, that's seriously dumb ? I mean... THE point to look forward, in this story, was who would get the reward/prize... if that pony would choose to share it with another one who, maybe, needs it more, etc... Just give the damn food-prize thingy to ponies that need it.
      ''That'', here, well... That's dull.

      >“The bad baking magic is a fragment of your own magic that had been corrupted >I’d say you did it around fifty years ago
      >“OK, OK,” Celestia admitted. “It was irresponsible.
      >“It’s the work of my magic, or rather, my magic once I had become Nightmare Moon.”
      -I'm not the best at Math, but... This really doesn't add up at all ? Luna was imprisoned 1000 years ago, and is free only since about a year.

      Also... it's a fragment of Celestia's magic... but, corrupted by Luna's magic... while Luna was STILL on the moon as Nightmare Moon, 50 years ago... yet, it's Celestia that put the 'corrupted magic' there, but it's Luna that is responsible for the 'corruption' of it... while she wasn't there... and how was it able to be corrupted in the first place ?
      This doesn't make much sense ?

      >I suspect many parts of your magic had been corrupted during the battle
      >performed the proper rituals to bleed away their power until they could be safely destroyed.
      >“All except for one that was stolen by a mad cult some five hundred years ago.”
      -But... wait, what ? She just said 10sec ago that she dumped a piece 50years ago ? And... ''parts'' of Celestia magic became ''stuff'', like artefacts, just because those ''parts'' were corrupted ? One that she dumped in the ''background'', while none where supposed to remain since 500years ?

      Darn it, this story would have came out better, without this small piece of nonsensical plot, honestly...

      -----

      While I must applaud the idea behind the 'bad baker' story, and how the *bad baker* part of it was played, with the relatively amusing(for the most part) things happening to 'most' bad bakers...

      But, the weird nonsense for a plot point, that was the ''corrupt fragments'' of Celestia's magic, which apparently disconnected themselves from her... and/or became artefacts appearing randomly at places... all or maybe not all destroyed, or whatever... had been exploited too much for the good of the story. It should have remained a vague thing, instead of trying to make it into a ''serious'' plot point/element in the story.

      ReplyDelete
    122. CMC WBE, YAY! :

      >but the difference is the stuff she makes turns out good.”
      >“Most of the time, at least,” Apple Bloom said.
      -The 'baked bads' happened ONLY ONCE ! And, it was mostly AJ's fault anyway...

      >“Oh no! Experiment twenty-three has gone critical! Everypony hit the deck!”
      >a muffled explosion could be heard.
      -Mmh, I see, there is your problem... too much plutonium in the cupcake batter compared to the uranium in the muffin's.

      >We’ll just go over to your chicken pen and get some eggs.
      -Isn't it Fluttershy that has a chicken pen, no ? It would make more sense that Fluttershy is the one providing AJ (and possibly Sugarcube Corner) with eggs.

      -----

      Heh... a bit light, but not bad.

      ReplyDelete
    123. If anypony is still looking for this story, here's an epub of it

      https://transfer.sh/get/2HNbrw/the_worst_bakers_in_equestria-203655.epub

      ReplyDelete