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  • Story: Michael Bay Presents: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (Update Part 3!)

    by Sethisto

    [Comedy][¿Satire?] "If Independence Day knocked up Armageddon and gave birth to the new Transformers franchise, and that abomination was a brony, this would be what the inside of its mind would look like." -Pre-reader that is an example of someone who ships Rainbow Dash with everything
    "Not even exploding twice could stop me from enjoying this masterpiece."- Pre-reader #2

    Author:
    Cold in Gardez
    Description: On June 28, 2011, Michael Bay released Transformers: Dark of the Moon, his third feature film based on the HASBRO toy line Transformers. The next day, Bay and HASBRO entered into talks over another of the toy company’s properties, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. The only concrete evidence of the new film to emerge so far is a tattered screenplay, presented here, which was found in a dumpster outside Bay’s production house, Platinum Dunes
    Michael Bay Presents: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic: Revenge of the Unicorn God Slayer: Part 1: The Horn of Destiny

    Additional Tags: Satire, explosions, spot-on characterization, Michael Bay is a bad person, best movie ever


    Part 2+3 After the Break! 

    [Comedy][Adventure][Shipping]
    Description: Following the runaway box office success of his first My Little Pony film, Michael Bay went on a long spiritual retreat in the Tibetan Highlands in a search for inspiration. He met with Buddhist monks, lived as an itinerant beggar, and spent days at a time camped on mountain peaks, communing with the stars in a language only he understood. He left with a new understanding of life, death, and man’s place in the universe.

    Upon returning to Los Angeles, he used his new insights to draft this, part 2 of the greatest motion picture trilogy in the history of human kind.
    Michael Bay Presents: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic: Revenge of the Unicorn God Slayer: Part 2: The Unicorning

    Additional Tags: Parody, pretty-damn-meta, Michael Bay is an awesome pony, fourth-wall-says-what?

    [Comedy][Adventure][Shipping]

    Author: Cold in Gardez
    Description:
    It has been months since our heroes faced Luna's invincible alien armies on the moon. Although the price of victory was high, they defeated her forces and secured peace for Equestria for all time.

    ...or so they thought. Deep within the bowels of her hidden moonbase, Luna has unleashed her most terrifying creation yet. Revenge, bloodshed and redemption wait for our heroes, as death glides ever closer on silver wings.
    Michael Bay Presents: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic: Revenge of the Unicorn God Slayer: Part 3: Flight of the Cyber-Pegasus: Part 1 (New!)

    Additional Tags: Parody, split-in-half-for-more-money-just-like-Harry-Potter-7, evil-Rarity-is-best-Rarity

    Sunday, August 28, 2011 op 6:56 PM
    Labels: Author: Cold in Gardez, comedy, Complete, Everypony, Fanfiction, Star-5, Story
    Open in app
    Share This! Facebook Share Twitter Share

    171 comments:

    1. PhallenFoenixAugust 11, 2011 at 3:02 PM

      First?

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    2. PhallenFoenixAugust 11, 2011 at 3:02 PM

      Everyone gets to do it once!

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    3. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 3:03 PM

      Wat.

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    4. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 3:04 PM

      Yay.. :O

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    5. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 3:04 PM

      God can't help us now..........

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    6. Streek471August 11, 2011 at 3:04 PM

      Oh my...

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    7. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 3:05 PM

      WHERE IS YOUR PRINCESS NOW?

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    8. ToonNinjaAugust 11, 2011 at 3:05 PM

      Oh, THIS oughta be good.

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    9. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 3:06 PM

      Barely looking at the beginning and ending , I am sure this will either be the best thing ever or the worst thing ever. Depending on who you are.

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    10. OctaviaAugust 11, 2011 at 3:08 PM

      Well, this certainly looks like it could be a most interesting read. lol

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    11. CelestiaAugust 11, 2011 at 3:08 PM

      Oh dear......

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    12. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 3:08 PM

      Um... Yeah. You can take the question marks of the Satire tag.

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    13. Laurence BrownAugust 11, 2011 at 3:10 PM

      A very humorous read. Thank you for the giggles! The funniest/ scariest thing is that this is so spot on for how they would corrupt the characters for a 'summer blockbuster' kind of film.

      (And know that if they actually do make a film that is even remotely like this story, I will hunt you down for your crimes! =P)

      [And to the brain dead lack wits who think shouting first in a comment thread is a good idea? Really? In a thread that writers depend upon for feedback to help them grow in their craft, _that's_ how you decide to pollute things up?. Wow, just... wow.]

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    14. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 3:12 PM

      Reading the first few paragraphs makes me feel like I just read the greatest fanfic.... ever.

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    15. Lupus AlbusAugust 11, 2011 at 3:12 PM

      Suddenly, explosions!

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    16. CakeAugust 11, 2011 at 3:13 PM

      I'm rating 5 stars, if only because of the epic name.

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    17. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 3:13 PM

      I lol'd so hard.

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    18. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 3:14 PM

      "Suddenly, there was a huge explosion!"

      Okay... Was I the only one to think that the Luna Gay was nuking Ponyville again?

      Now to read the rest of it.

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    19. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 3:15 PM

      I'd make a decent comment but THERE'S NO TIME!

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    20. RobofetAugust 11, 2011 at 3:16 PM

      Yes.

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    21. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 3:16 PM

      There's never enough time!

      ReplyDelete
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    22. salsaAugust 11, 2011 at 3:17 PM

      Ohmylolthatwasthefunniestfanficiveeverread! :D that was AMAZING!!!

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    23. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 3:17 PM

      Even if it is satire, that image is awesome.

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    24. HarakouAugust 11, 2011 at 3:17 PM

      Reading the title alone had me laughing. This is sure to be a good read.

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    25. BitmunAugust 11, 2011 at 3:17 PM

      '“Fuck you, Twilight Sparkle,” Fluttershy interrupted. “I’m going back to Ponyville.”'

      'The two solemnly gazed at the portraits of Rarity and Rainbow Dash set beside Celestia’s throne, like in that final scene from Armageddon.'

      '“That’s so deep!” Rarity whispered, her soul crushed by the sudden revelation.'

      'Suddenly, there was a huge explosion!'

      I could go on, but case in point; Best fanfic ever.

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    26. showmetheblueprintsAugust 11, 2011 at 3:18 PM

      lol at that Satire tag.

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    27. TheguywithZeldaspritesAugust 11, 2011 at 3:18 PM

      "If there's one thing I've learned about friendship it means killing people who are different!" ... I want to say words, but they won't come out. I'm sure that if this was real, like, this was REALLY being made, and not satire, most of the fandom would hate it, and some would like it for the typical Refuge in Audacity. But hey, this is what I think. Maybe everyone would love it.

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    28. SilvarrnAugust 11, 2011 at 3:19 PM

      I'm on the second page,Struggling to Breath, and running low of tears of joy. 5 Stars here

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    29. BareeAugust 11, 2011 at 3:21 PM

      PONIES:

      RARRR WE ARE COMING TO KILL YOU BECAUSE WE ARE EVIL

      -ALIENS

      That was funny.

      Still, needs a grimdark tag :P Sorta.

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    30. DawidAugust 11, 2011 at 3:23 PM

      What the flank?

      EXPLOSIONSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

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    31. ToonNinjaAugust 11, 2011 at 3:25 PM

      That was so beautifully amazing, I'm not sure what to say.

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    32. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 3:26 PM

      Michael Bay reads: "Why is this labelled comedy? This is GOLDEN!"

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    33. Silas DavidsonAugust 11, 2011 at 3:27 PM

      "Friendship means going to war with people who are different from you. I also learned that violence isn’t just the right answer, it’s the easiest and most satisfying answer as well.”

      That's really all there is to say on the matter.

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    34. RyanAugust 11, 2011 at 3:29 PM

      That was HILARIOUS! A real-laugh box! Thank god it's satire, if this was actually made, most of us would be pissed off.

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    35. RenarainboomAugust 11, 2011 at 3:30 PM

      It all makes sense now, MICHAEL BAY, is the one brony to unite us all. With the pure awesomeness and deepness of this, soon to be, trilogy, war will end, hunger will be abolished, and freedom with break forth all over the earth. Or it will doom us all, wha'ev.

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    36. MedicShyAugust 11, 2011 at 3:31 PM

      No! Not Baysplosions and needless deaths!

      im sad that this is about at movie quality lately... and lulzy as hell

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    37. INTERROGATORAugust 11, 2011 at 3:33 PM

      WHO WAS THE UNICORN GOD SLAYER.
      WHAT HAPPENED TO FLUTTERSHY.
      WHERE WAS THE HORN OF DESTINY.
      WHEN WILL THIS BE A MOVIE.
      WHY WEREN'T THERE MORE EXPLOSIONS.

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    38. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 3:35 PM

      That was hilariously terrible, and yet still somehow better than any Michael Bay film.

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    39. Cold in GardezAugust 11, 2011 at 3:35 PM

      I wasn't sure what pic Seth would find to go with this story. I have to say I'm happy with the one he selected.

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    40. MedicShyAugust 11, 2011 at 3:35 PM

      also, now i'm disheartened by the fact that i've written about 40 pages of fanfic that will not be loved nearly as much as this wonderful 10 page satire...

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    41. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 3:37 PM

      "Twilight! Plot hole!"
      "There's no time!"

      <3

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    42. MetalGearSamusAugust 11, 2011 at 3:38 PM

      MY BODY IS READY.

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    43. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 3:39 PM

      And suddenly Owlicious can talk. I'd think of a reason why that isn't possible but
      "There's no time!"

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    44. pmcollectorboyAugust 11, 2011 at 3:40 PM

      Your:abuse:of:colons:shall:not:go:unpunished:

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    45. Cold in GardezAugust 11, 2011 at 3:40 PM

      @MedicShy

      I really do sympathize. This story has been up for 39 minutes and it has more comments than any of my other works.

      Just shows the value of choosing a good title I guess.

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    46. Admiral SparkleAugust 11, 2011 at 3:41 PM

      I was reading the title and description for this story while my computer was being slow... As I finished reading, it loaded the picture. Much laughter ensued.

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    47. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 3:42 PM

      @Laurence Brown

      I think the plot for a movie, should they choose to make one, should be "Past Sins".

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    48. Whirl WindAugust 11, 2011 at 3:42 PM

      Lol at the "spot on characterization" tag.

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    49. RyanAugust 11, 2011 at 3:46 PM

      @MedicShy

      A good title, an image, and a good description needs to capture the attention of a potential reader very well. It must stand out against other fanfics like Past Sins (didn't read), or The Thessalonica Legacy (also didn't read). Personally, I think a good image gets the most attention. I bear much interest in reading other fanfics, but I'm somewhat preoccupied right now.

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    50. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 3:50 PM

      Celestia help us all...

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    51. CTOONfan1August 11, 2011 at 3:53 PM

      You know, I was going to figure out the cure for the common cold before reading this, but THERE'S NO TIME!

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    52. KaijinZeroAugust 11, 2011 at 3:54 PM

      this is exactly like a michael bay film pretty much. some kind of mess that you accidentally step in.

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    53. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 3:54 PM

      @medicshy: what have you written?

      @everyone: this looks like a publicity stunt kind of deal... i'mokwiththis.jpg

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    54. Mr Space CatAugust 11, 2011 at 4:00 PM

      The pre-readers' descriptions were enough to make me chuckle...

      The meeting in Celestia's Castle was also pretty funny...

      Then I got to the part where Rainbow Dash is killed off, and I lost it.

      It's just so bad it makes a new standard for bad, with a new word for how bad it is; then it goes right past that word and reaches brilliance.

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    55. Magical TrevorAugust 11, 2011 at 4:06 PM

      Oh for the love of... There's no way that I CAN'T read this! Satire?! BRING IT ON, MAH BRONY! Lay on, MacHoof!

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    56. Tom BronyAugust 11, 2011 at 4:06 PM

      It's so bad that it's good.

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    57. Westy543August 11, 2011 at 4:25 PM

      This is the best thing I have read all week.

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    58. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 4:27 PM

      Breaking CNN-NEWS!

      Today, film-producer Michael Bay was found dead on his ranch. The killer also painted his six shettland ponies in different, bright colours. The coroner concluded, he was trampled to death. Next to his body was a script for his new movie.
      The police speaker announced to the press, that after reviewing all the evidence at the scene of the crime, the death was "an accident" and that the case will be closed.

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    59. Aquaman52August 11, 2011 at 4:29 PM

      HEY

      I ONLY SHIP RAINBOW DASH WITH THREE PONIES.

      ...butmostlyVinylScratch.

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    60. DantE.MusT.DiEAugust 11, 2011 at 4:29 PM

      IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME UNTIL IT HAD TO HAPPEN.

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    61. WF_ChroniclesAugust 11, 2011 at 4:31 PM

      Hell the trailer even writes itself:

      THIS SUMMER

      *Flash panoramic shots of ponies living in peace and children playing*

      EVERYTHING WE KNOW

      *Flash shots of stunned ponies looking up at the invading UFO's*

      IS ABOUT TO END

      *Cue disjointed action shots of explosions*

      UNLESS ONE MARE

      *Cue shots of a soot covered Twilight with her horn sparkling as she faces down an alien, which will probably not end up in the final cut of the movie*

      CAN STOP IT ALL

      *Flash to more disjointed action scenes, Twilight claiming "There's no time!", more scenes of violence, a quiet scene where Rainbow Dash is telling another mare she'll be back for her, etc, all set to orchestral stings*

      THIS SUMMER...THEY MAKE A STAND

      Michael Bay Presents: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic: Revenge of the Unicorn God Slayer: Part 1: The Horn of Destiny

      *Cue comedic scene where sidekick character say obnoxious catch phrase which will be repeated ad nauseum up to the movie release date and then promptly forgotten two weeks after*

      BAM. Check please, I just made 1000 kajillion dollars editing trailers for Michael Bay.

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    62. ArexshortpawAugust 11, 2011 at 4:31 PM

      What the hell did I just read.

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    63. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 4:46 PM

      It was very kind from Cold in Gardez to kill RD. In a serious story the alien weapons would've roasted her wings and make her unable to fly for the rest of her life.

      But the story is an obvious fake. Where's the US Army helping the ponies defeating the evil aliens? And why are the ponies the heroes? We need some human main characters who save Twilight Sparkles hide and blow up the alien mother ship. Seriously, I don’t want to see ponies in “My Little Pony”. Give us Megan on a Harley!

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    64. Mysterious, Disembodied VoiceAugust 11, 2011 at 4:49 PM

      And we were just talking about Bay Doing a ponies Movie the other day back in the Ye Olde Mars RP thread mark II.

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    65. Cold in GardezAugust 11, 2011 at 4:50 PM

      @Anonymous

      I actually meant to include the "gratuitous ass shot on a motorcycle scene," but got ahead of myself :(

      Oh well, there's always the sequel (or two!)

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    66. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 4:51 PM

      I used the find function to find the word "plot", it found no instances of plot occurring in this story.

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    67. DantE.MusT.DiEAugust 11, 2011 at 4:51 PM

      @Anonymous

      notsureiftrolling.jpg

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    68. BlasTechAugust 11, 2011 at 5:03 PM

      This almost deserves 5 stars for the sheer nuttiness of its premise and description. I shall endeavour to read it in its entire ---

      Did spike just get recast as a "jive-talking assistant" ...

      Did the same thing happen to OWLOWLICIOUS?!?!

      I need to take this in small doses otherwise i might die from laughter. "Spot on characterisation" in deed! :D

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    69. JRAugust 11, 2011 at 5:04 PM

      Throw in a couple of human characters who will take away away 80% of the screen time from the ponies, add some shots of helicopters flying silhouetted against the sun, and you've got yourself a movie deal!

      Also if you can work in a pony peeing on an unsympathetic character, that would be great.

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    70. LloxAugust 11, 2011 at 5:10 PM

      Wow... that... was just PAINFUL to read.... XD If I face-hoofed any harder I'd a concussion.

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    71. DeRockProjectAugust 11, 2011 at 5:12 PM

      That makes sense. He did Transformers. Next he'll do My Little Ponies. Also as good as the Transformers movies. This definitely has comedy/satire potential.

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    72. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 5:21 PM

      WTF DID I JUST READ?!

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    73. C.Olimar788August 11, 2011 at 5:28 PM

      I would watch this movie and enjoy every second of it. Especially Twilight constantly masking logic with "There's no time!" XP

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    74. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 5:29 PM

      This is not a Satire. This is a Parody and/or a Pastiche.

      http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SatireParodyPastiche

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    75. ChrisAugust 11, 2011 at 5:32 PM

      *Sigh* the depressing thing is that I can actually imagine this happening. The only thing you left out was the scene where Bay shamelessly indulges his foot (hoof?) fetish.

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    76. DSNesmithAugust 11, 2011 at 5:38 PM

      Okay just the TITLE gets a five star from me. I can't wait to read this glorious travesty.

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    77. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 5:52 PM

      That was amazing.
      Utterly, utterly, amazing.
      I couldn't picture a better Baysplosion Pony Parody.

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    78. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 5:56 PM

      This is the worst peice of crap I ever read. I loved it.

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    79. FoxOfWarAugust 11, 2011 at 6:02 PM

      This didn't make any sense whatsoever... which means it makes perfect sense for Bay.

      "Spot on characterization" indeed.

      Not sure if you had enough overdescribing, awesome-sounding words describing the explosions though.

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    80. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 6:21 PM

      Alright guys pack up and go home, no one will ever top this amazing masterpiece.

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    81. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 6:23 PM

      I'd pay money to see this trainwreck.

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    82. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 6:24 PM

      THIS MOVIE MUST BE FUNDED!!!!
      ...If you don't mind that is...?

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    83. FacelessguruAugust 11, 2011 at 6:25 PM

      I will from now on say "but there's no time!" at completely inappropriate times

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    84. ShannonAugust 11, 2011 at 6:27 PM

      Somepony animate this. DO IT NOW BEFORE THERE'S STILL TIME

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    85. BlasTechAugust 11, 2011 at 6:28 PM

      Oh sweet Celestia my eyes ...

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    86. banjo2EAugust 11, 2011 at 7:05 PM

      “You’re wrong! If there’s one thing I’ve learned about friendship, it means killing people who are different! Like you!”

      urgh, I don't care if this is "satire", that's just plain character derailment

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    87. BitmunAugust 11, 2011 at 7:10 PM

      @banjo2E
      You're either completely following, or utterly missing the point.

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    88. JRAugust 11, 2011 at 7:15 PM

      This work needs, nay DEMANDS a full cast dramatic reading with sound effects.

      Get on it bronies WHILE THERE'S STILL TIME!!111!!

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    89. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 7:17 PM

      You forgot ONE thing taht makes a Michael Bay movie a Michael Bay movie...
      A Self Insert.
      Make it an OC who can't do anything but in reality can do everything at the same time.

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    90. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 7:20 PM

      Shut up and take my money!

      ReplyDelete
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    91. XuncuAugust 11, 2011 at 7:20 PM

      Man, these are some gooooooooooooooooooooooood fish fillets.

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    92. RedSquirrel456August 11, 2011 at 8:18 PM

      Star needed?

      More like explosions needed.

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    93. Cyan FlashAugust 11, 2011 at 8:19 PM

      I didn't like it.

      I LOVED IT!

      Everyone was in character, especially Fluttershy. That twist came out of nowhere, and I'm surprised Twilight saw through it. Good thing they brought in Pinkie's 100% canon hacking abilities.

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    94. SaddlesoapAugust 11, 2011 at 8:48 PM

      Okay, this was pretty good, but there was not even CLOSE to enough explosions to parody Michael Bay.

      :P

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    95. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 9:08 PM

      Now we need the continuation where Rainbow dash some how comes back from the dead thanks to the bio-mechanical remains of the aliens to save the girls and the final movie in which we find out that Rarity didn't die either and was behind this all along.

      Then a spinoff of Spikes and Owlowicious mad adventurez yo.

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    96. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 9:39 PM

      Hmmm... that's ALMOST a Michael Bay movie... but not quite. You're only about Roland Emmerich bad at the moment.

      If you want Michael Bay? It needs more humping dogs, dick jokes, sexism, racism, homophobia, lewd upskirt and down-shirt shots of cleavage (how a pony gets cleavage I don't know, but Mike would figure a way out), annoying human characters that have nothing to do with the plot (like, say, bring back Megan), urination, gay jokes, pointless meandering around for three hours, and giant robot wrecking ball testicles.

      But good try ^^

      5/5

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    97. John PerryAugust 11, 2011 at 9:47 PM

      Hey, what's so unbeliveable about Pinkie being an expert hacker? :P

      This is so dead-on, and you had me cracking up constantly. The complete lack of characterization and absurdly simple explanations are just too perfect, not to mention the heavy-handed moral which somehow gets ignored.

      But how DARE you kill off Rainbow Dash so quickly! She better come back in the sequel!

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    98. Vimbert the UnimpressiveAugust 11, 2011 at 9:57 PM

      First of all, wtf did I just read?

      "There's no time!" is now Twilight's catch phrase. You've really managed to capture "So Bad It's Good" masterfully.

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    99. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 10:18 PM

      I got through the first three lines before realizing, "Oh shit, I'm going to love this."

      Now I'm going to find some sort of epic orchestral music to accompany the rest of it.

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    100. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 10:26 PM

      If this is at all as jarring as the shift was for Transformers fans, I pity them. Also, I really enjoyed the scene with the aliens' mysterious message. You took so bad it's good to an incredible place here. Nicely done.

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    101. AnonymousAugust 11, 2011 at 10:58 PM

      Expert hacker Pinkie Pie? I think I'm in love.

      Anyways 5/5 would die of laughter again.

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    102. Seattle_LiteAugust 11, 2011 at 11:33 PM

      Wow. Rick-Roll in pony-fic form.

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    103. TosxychorAugust 12, 2011 at 1:25 AM

      @Bitmun
      This. Just this.
      Also, I'd like to point out a few plot hol- THERE'S NO TIME!

      Cold in Garez: I must parody the masterpieces!
      Radio: No, Garez, you are the masterpieces.

      And then The Horn of Destiny was a 6-star.

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    104. SlepterAugust 12, 2011 at 2:11 AM

      This was the funniest thing I think I've read in a long, long time. Beautiful.

      Not really sure how this whole "six star" thing works since I only see five, so... five stars for you!

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    105. PH BronyAugust 12, 2011 at 4:42 AM

      6-Stars = A rating of 4.9 and above with 50 or more votes.

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    106. AnonymousAugust 12, 2011 at 6:35 AM

      "I've seen this before!" said Anonymous, as he pulled a book out of his pocket and flipped it open to a page showing a pencil drawing of this story receiving five stars.

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    107. Present PerfectAugust 12, 2011 at 7:18 AM

      I didn't even get to the end of the first paragraph before I began laughing uproariously.

      Jive-talking Spike is the new Luna in socks.

      FUCK YOU TWILIGHT SPARKLE

      Plan C is ALWAYS magic.

      ADVANCED SPEAR TECHNOLOGY

      Friendship means killing people who are different.

      WOW. All I did was quote bits of the story back at you, because it was THAT GOOD. I stand before you, utterly broken and humbled. Ten stars. Ten stars.

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    108. DaveAugust 12, 2011 at 7:41 AM

      Suddenly, there was a huge explosion!

      And that earned my five star ranking.

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    109. Desert RoseAugust 12, 2011 at 7:58 AM

      What is this.....i don't even....
      what the hell!

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    110. AusterAugust 12, 2011 at 8:40 AM

      I came napalm.

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    111. TenchiFreak5August 12, 2011 at 9:34 AM

      There’s no time!






      I was half expecting Rainbow Dash to come back to life for no reason.

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    112. nosAugust 12, 2011 at 9:42 AM

      I read this entire story while working at a coffee shop. After i finished customers would come in shocked and ask why i was crying. I told them i was laughing way too much. This was the biggest clusterfuck Ive ever read in fact it gets 11 stars from me

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    113. AnonymousAugust 12, 2011 at 12:21 PM

      Well, it's certainly a Michael Bay movie. And yet, it's the best thing he'd ever have done if it actually WAS him helming the project. Though I suppose you can't really call it sarcasm, since sarcasm's generally a little more subtle than this is (althought we're satirising Michael Bay here so perhaps that's the point). Still, I was roaring with laughter. Good job. Well, bad job. But good job. Argh, y'all know what I mean.

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    114. leaflet757August 13, 2011 at 1:50 AM

      ummm.... What the hell did I just read... 5 STARS!

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    115. SimplydoneAugust 13, 2011 at 7:33 AM

      Wow yeah just as bad as the Transformers and it parodies Michael Bays love of the military. That was FUNNY!

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    116. SimplydoneAugust 13, 2011 at 7:34 AM

      Oh and Michael Bay is a bad person

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    117. AnonymousAugust 14, 2011 at 7:11 AM

      Michael Bay? Pfffffft. Everypony knows that the perfect director for a MLPFIM movie is Edgar Wright.

      http://www.edgarwrighthere.com/2011/04/30/scott-pilgrim-vs-my-little-pony/

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    118. eaglehoovesAugust 17, 2011 at 4:32 PM

      I hate what he did to the characters, especially killing off so many (At this rate no pony's going to be alive by the time Part 3 rolls around), I hate seeing Equestria get destroyed, and I hate poorly written cliffhangers, so naturally I nearly fell out of my chair laughing when I read this. It goes beyond the "so bad it's almost good" point into the realm of; "By Celestia's mane! What the **** did I just read?!" You just can't take it seriously, it's so bad I don't know exactly what it is, but I laughed anyways.

      Just for safety though, I vote we send Michael Bay to the moon anyways. If he ever gets near a pony, the results would probably be closer to this than I'd like to imagine.

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    119. ArdashirAugust 17, 2011 at 9:56 PM

      Now we need a plot treatment for a MLP satire helmed by Seltzer and Friedberg.

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    120. Royal Guard TictacAugust 17, 2011 at 11:06 PM

      Current time 2:05 AM

      That was the single greatest thing I have ever witnessed I don't feel like I read it man I feel like I lived it.

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    121. PH BronyAugust 17, 2011 at 11:16 PM

      >Sees Complete Tag
      >Died a little inside.

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    122. Cold in GardezAugust 18, 2011 at 6:49 PM

      This comment has been removed by the author.

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    123. NOFURRAugust 28, 2011 at 7:00 PM

      Y U No Written Like A Movie Script?

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    124. Cold in GardezAugust 28, 2011 at 7:02 PM

      @NOFURR

      Because movie scripts are a form of technical writing meant to guide directors in the production of a movie. They aren't meant for casual reading.

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    125. Royal Guard TictacAugust 28, 2011 at 7:06 PM

      By celestia's beard he actually made it.

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    126. WhitbaneAugust 28, 2011 at 7:30 PM

      Oh sweet Jesus.

      This story...


      Words cannot express how perfectly awesome this is.

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    127. Vimbert the UnimpressiveAugust 28, 2011 at 7:33 PM

      My slightly perplexed joy only continues to grow over time for this piece.

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    128. BunAugust 28, 2011 at 7:36 PM

      Well...it could be worse.

      -inserthorrorslashponycrossoveridea-

      Oh it just got worse. Anybody up for A Nightmare in Ponyville? rofl

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    129. WhitbaneAugust 28, 2011 at 7:38 PM

      And that last scene.
      *Wipes tears from eyes*.
      So beautiful.
      Totally knew it was Rarity in the coffin.
      And then the engineer comes running back in on them.
      There's just too much humour.

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    130. fizzlefistAugust 28, 2011 at 7:41 PM

      Part 2: The Unicorning

      going to read this on my day off tomorrow, too tired to appreciate the sheer genius that is michael bay's interpretation of friendship is magic

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    131. JRAugust 28, 2011 at 8:27 PM

      Sweet Celestia, this update made my whole week. My only regret is that there is no way to give a story 10 stars.

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    132. C4-HertzAugust 28, 2011 at 9:01 PM

      Also known as 104 and 154 from when the google docs chat went to hell. You're welcome.
      I fully expected them to all die at the end of the second film, but that wouldn't be in keeping with Michael Bay's formula of "1-2 scapegoats per movie and they all get revived" would it?
      ;o]

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    133. TMPAugust 28, 2011 at 9:06 PM

      Blast of a read! Loved Maiden Flight and Cutie Mark Conspiracy; and have never had so much fun in a google doc chat! XD

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    134. JacopoAugust 28, 2011 at 9:33 PM

      I lol'd XD.

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    135. JesusAugust 28, 2011 at 9:59 PM

      O god he made a 2nd one this is transformers all over again....explosion BOOM!

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    136. ShakeBunnyAugust 28, 2011 at 10:07 PM

      ... the fuck did I just read?

      But, really, it felt like I was really watching a Bay movie. Brilliant stuff right here, everypony.

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    137. AnonymousAugust 28, 2011 at 10:13 PM

      The Uncorning >> Horn of Destiny. Discuss.

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    138. Whistle-tallAugust 28, 2011 at 10:17 PM

      ...This was the greatest thing I've ever rea-*BLAARRRFFFFF* OH MY LUNA, It got into my mouth through my chuckling at it's pure audacity and gagged me! For the love of all things pony, I WILL NOT LET THESE PARASITES WIN! I'm going sock hunting.

      PS It is actually well executed.

      PPS *BLAAARRRRRRFFFFFF*

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    139. AnonymousAugust 28, 2011 at 10:41 PM

      *has also just read the Secret Pegasus Wing one*

      Ma, this fandom does the best drugs.

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    140. AnonymousAugust 28, 2011 at 10:41 PM

      *Man, not "ma"

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    141. leaflet757August 28, 2011 at 11:07 PM

      WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST READ...AGAIN...still 5 stars...

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    142. lamebunnyAugust 28, 2011 at 11:44 PM

      My neighbors probably think a madwoman lives here, after all the loud laughter without any tv or music on.

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    143. CátsyAugust 29, 2011 at 12:38 AM

      I would give two months salary or more to hear the full cast of FiM do a dramatic reading of this story! I couldn't bring myself to read all of this it was too much... I've seen the Transformers the movies and if he had the chance to make a MLP:FiM movie I do believe it would turn out something like this ><

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    144. MuffinShyAugust 29, 2011 at 1:37 AM

      ok

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    145. PeterAugust 29, 2011 at 1:52 AM

      Sorry, my producer eyes looked at the first page and I can't read it! The formatting is off and if you want to make this convincing then you gotta follow the rules of formatting a script. Google screenplay formatting and re-upload, would like to read this with a real critical eye!

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    146. harpseal2August 29, 2011 at 1:56 AM

      You forgot pointlessly including a over-used Linkin Park song

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    147. DPV111August 29, 2011 at 2:03 AM

      Well it seem killing Fluttershy is the new killing Rainbow Dash. Good job.

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    148. Tk3997August 29, 2011 at 2:33 AM

      @Peter Adams
      As a producer I'd also think you'd know that script format rather sucks for something purely intended for reading because it's meant to be ACTED. Given that this is a parody the substance, not style of a certain author's works and purely intended for reading the use of prose is entirely appropriate.

      And it's an awesome parody, it's a BIT exaggerated true, but many good parody are for the sake of comedy. If nothing else no one could ever accuse this of being boring.

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    149. DroftiAugust 29, 2011 at 3:01 AM

      @Peter Adams

      There's no time!

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    150. MuffinShyAugust 29, 2011 at 4:56 AM

      AHA so it's LunaRarity!

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    151. John PerryAugust 29, 2011 at 5:09 AM

      The detail in this second story is really something... it's much more atmospheric this time around-

      "Suddenly, there was a huge explosion!"

      Ah, there we go. You had me worried for a sec there. :P

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    152. AyralynnAugust 29, 2011 at 5:44 AM

      "Never interrupt Luna when she is with the sarcophagus!"

      This is one of the most ridiculous things I have read in a while.

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    153. TosxychorAugust 29, 2011 at 5:56 AM

      So many Hollywood science and trope jokes... can't...type...properly...too much laughter...

      So much golden comedy here, from the "Well, f*** me", to the wood chipper scene, to the password thing, oh Celestia the action scene... I laughed so much XD

      You're the best, CiG. I love this ^^

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    154. UnknownAugust 29, 2011 at 6:23 AM

      Why is the story not primarily about humans who encounter the ponies and how the ponies are eternally grateful to the annoying human guy and his stereotypical love interest who inexplicably saved them?

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    155. DamhoofAugust 29, 2011 at 12:52 PM

      OH MY! RARITY XD

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    156. AnonymousAugust 29, 2011 at 1:38 PM

      In another world I am a billionaire.

      I read this story, pick up the phone, and immediately get Hasbro on the line and the FiM cast on my payroll to make this trilogy. I don't care if anyone in the real world would find it funny or not.


      Money is disposable. Being able to watch this train wreck/EXPLOSION! would be priceless and I would consider it my greatest achievement.

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    157. AnonymousAugust 29, 2011 at 1:40 PM

      @stilllanonymous

      My greatest achievement to fund, of course. All credit to the author doing the work.

      ReplyDelete
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    158. DaveAugust 29, 2011 at 4:46 PM

      >Rarity not test well with focus group

      Which focus group is this? The one that all met my FISTS OF FURY?!

      ReplyDelete
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    159. DaveAugust 29, 2011 at 10:21 PM

      Previous post was initial reaction.

      Now, CiG I wish to perform the act of mating so that I may have your babies, or you to have mine.

      Give birth to, to raise, to consume, any or all, it doesn't matter to me. As long as it happens.

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    160. Rosethorn Larana'KhashAugust 30, 2011 at 2:52 AM

      Well, this was suitably horrible, for the most part.
      I liked almost everything, but there were some minor details that seemed kind of wrong to me.

      First: The characterization. It's waaay too show-accurate. I mean sure, they are suitably out of character a lot of the time, but they are still somewhat recognizable as the characters we all know and love. Except Spike and Owlowiscious, those are completely out of character, so no complaints there.

      Second: Space is too realistic. Seriously, no sound in space? Why not? Space Is Noisy, after all! And the cooking liquid is realistic as well. Only the freezing-to-death-while-explosively-decompressing instant-death part is bullshitty enough, and that could be explained away by this version of Twilight being an idiot, since it never actually happens.

      And... I think thats it. As I said, only some minor details that you got too right, everything else seemed pretty much horribly stupidwrong enough. I really enjoyed reading this steaming pile of horse apples. It was hilarious. I especially liked the action scene, because it so perfectly captured (and parodied) that what-the-buck-is-going-on?!-feeling of a Micheal Bay action scene!

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    161. WhitbaneSeptember 18, 2011 at 12:49 PM

      PART THREE.

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    162. Royal Guard TictacSeptember 18, 2011 at 12:57 PM

      Sweet celestia every part you add it just gets better and better

      ReplyDelete
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    163. daBomb619September 18, 2011 at 2:08 PM

      "...put an end, once and for all, to the stupid owl joke."

      YES! THANK YOU!

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    164. SandovalSeptember 18, 2011 at 4:47 PM

      Lol so random

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    165. DPV111September 29, 2011 at 4:33 PM

      What?

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    166. TomOctober 25, 2011 at 6:19 PM

      I've never laughed so hard at Fluttershy's death.

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    167. TomOctober 25, 2011 at 8:57 PM

      That is, i never THOUGHT i'd ever laugh so hard at fluttershy's death

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    168. HrwkingNovember 22, 2011 at 7:07 AM

      This ever going to get finished :(

      ReplyDelete
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    169. Luna-tic ScientistDecember 21, 2011 at 1:20 PM

      These just keep getting better and better. Made the mistake of reading this at work (you try to explain 'Big Mac mode' to a collegue who won't take 'oh just a funny story' for an answer). Excellent work - and great SF science too!

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    170. FamusJamusJanuary 23, 2012 at 5:12 AM

      The latest MLP episode reminded me of this fic:

      Twilight: Rainbow! Go back!

      RD: No time!

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    171. StewartismeNovember 7, 2012 at 9:58 PM

      IT'S HAPPENING D: http://www.fourthestatenewspaper.com/off-the-wall/2012/11/07/michael-bay-to-make-my-little-pony-movie-bronies-aim-to-halt-production-with-online-petition/

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