[Normal] "Dark and foreboding. A stirring tale that shows us that even those touched by darkness can shine" - Pre-reader #12
Author: Pen Stroke, Assisted By Batty Gloom
Description: On a dark night filled with even darker magics, an insane cult attempts to give Nightmare Moon a body and life of her own, utterly separate from Princess Luna. But, when the spell is interrupted by Celestia, something unexpected is created.
Now, an little black alicorn filly named Nyx finds herself living under the care of Twilight Sparkle, only to be haunted by memories and emotions from her past. Is she Nightmare Moon reborn or is she simply a doppelganger with a soul and mind of her own? Can Twilight Sparkle protect Nyx from those refuse to see past her dragon eyes and black coat?
Or, will Nyx be forced to inherit the sins that may not even be hers and become the greatest evil Equestria has ever known?
Past Sins
Past Sins Alternate Link with Table of Contents
Side-Stories:
Trinkets (Part 1 of 3 of the "In The Family" mini-series)
Nightmare or Nyx? (Part 2 of 3 of the "In The Family" mini-series)
Winter Bells (Part 3 of 3 of the "In The Family" mini-series)
First Hours
Glimpses (New Side Story Part 4-5!)
Fan Content:
Past Sins Soundtrack on Youtube
DeviantArt Group — The Nyxian Alliance
Some of Past Sins' first fan-art can be found below
Art and Comics!
(WARNING: POSSIBLE SPOILERS ON COMIC)
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| Source: Geoff |
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| Source: Brongaar |
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| Source (Comic, click for full!) |
3,762 comments:
That image!
ReplyDeleteI have to assume that even if I didn't want to read this anyways, that image would force me to.
Twilight about to be hung...
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure I want to read this now...
Nyx! Mistress Night! I love this even before reading it.
ReplyDeletePlus, holy crap dat image ...
I always appreciate custom art for stories. It sure grabbed my attention.
ReplyDeleteI'll be sure to check this out.
Luna story; must read.
ReplyDeleteThat is one ominous picture...
ReplyDeleteI was supposed to go to sleep!
ReplyDeleteThe description and picture makes me want to rate this 5-stars. I'll have to read this later.
ReplyDelete@Narwhals' Bend
ReplyDeleteI'm afraid I must break your heart sir. This is a Nightmare Moon piece.
I conflicted with the picture. It looks great, but at the same time I feel like its spoiling the story (which I haven't read yet). Still, the premise is promising.
ReplyDelete@Pen Stroke
ReplyDeleteI'll read it anyway. Plot sounds interesting and how can I not read it after DAT IMAGE?
the image says waaaaay too much
ReplyDeletePen Stroke AND custom image?
ReplyDeleteColor me interested. Comments to follow.
Twilight at a hanging. Why do you want to do this to me, Pen Stroke?
ReplyDeleteI swear, if I end up seeing Twilight get killed off in yet another fic and I end up in a ball of tears I'll never forgive you...
Darn It! Must... read... fanfiction... It's 2 hours past midnight right now.
ReplyDeleteNyx? Naix? DotA reference?
ReplyDeleteSo is this the sequal to the creeping darkness or something? A must read!
ReplyDelete>Twilight getting hung
ReplyDeleteNope, not gonna read. Denial is awesome.
This has potential...
ReplyDeleteGod damn that image! Well, I know where my sleep's gone tonight then! But seriously, Twilight getting hung!? *heartwrench*
ReplyDelete>sees image
ReplyDelete>notice the gallows/noose.
>FUCK YOU CURIOSITY
>notice black snootie. AW, THAR GOES THE HATE.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteMade by the same writer so im gonna say yes
I have so many fanfics i need to ready already but i want to know how things work with nyx around
@lavkib
ReplyDeleteActually, this is inspired by but not a direct sequel to Creeping Darkness.
Basically, I enjoyed exploring Nightmare Moon as a character and a filly so much in Creeping Darkness that I needed to do more, and the best way to do that was in a whole new fan-fic.
wow... where did u get the pic for this?!
ReplyDeleteThat image, not sure if read...
ReplyDeleteAh what the heck, I can't disobey my curiosity!!!
This description sounds great, plus that custom image really grabbed my attention, definitely gonna give this a read. Also, to people who rate stories down for the subject matter, please stop doing that, it's really annoying. For all you know this could be the most beautifully written fanfic of all time, and yet you rate it low because of the image of Twilight supposedly about to get hanged. If you haven't read it, please don't rate it (of course I'm judging this solely on the 3.5 star rating, which it probably doesn't deserve) Anyways, off to read it.
ReplyDeleteFolks, I'm going to level with you and spoil a little something. SO, if you don't like spoilers, dont' read beyond the top of this comment.
ReplyDelete=========
This story is rated normal for a reason. If Twilight was really going to get hung, it would be Grim-Dark I promise. So, take solace in the fact its a Normal story.
NYX!!! Fuck Yeah!
ReplyDelete@Pen Stroke
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I never saw anything in the picture happening in the story. The way that they events are in NM's hair made me think that they are something like visions of "past sins" rather than events in the story.
@Pen Stroke
ReplyDeleteI really don't think You need to treat that as a spoiler. When I saw the pic, then for a second I also thought about something like that, but then I didn't notice Grimdark or even Sad tag, so I guessed it's just those "sins that may not be hers". Anyway, can't wait to read it, looks interesting.
So tempting but I gotta sleep real bad... :(
ReplyDeleteThis should be good,considering this is the Author Behind Better Living through Science and Ponies.
ReplyDeleteThe image kinda freaks me out but the tags say "Normal" so I'll give it a try!
ReplyDelete@Pen Stroke
ReplyDeleteTo be fair, there have been [Normal] stories dealing with heavy content that ended up jumping off the [GrimDark] cliff before too long.
@Pen Stroke Thank you for clearing that up
ReplyDelete*goes to read*
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteOK. Here is where I educate you a little.
Nyx (sometimes Nox if you are Roman) was in the Greek mythologies, and she was the primordial shadow goddess of the night. She was born from Chaos, which means she was around before ORDER was given to the universe (Let There Be Light!).
She gave birth to a whole lot of other entities that all have the negative "destroyer" connotation, but I don't mean that in the sense of "evil". I mean in the sense of Positive and Negative, creation and destruction, Yin and Yang forces. Notably she gave birth to Hemera (day, as in night gives way to day) which is actually pretty positive, and Moros(doom), Thanatos (death), Hypnos (sleep), the Oneiroi (dreams), Charon (the ferryman to the underworld) and the patron god of trolls everywhere Eris (Strife).
She also works together sometimes with her sister Ushas (dawn). But I wouldn't be surprised if Ushas acts like Trollestia most of the time.
Ho. Ly. Sh*t. I need more of this.
ReplyDeleteOh man. I read up to chapter 2, just 3 remaining. But I'm already loving every second of it. And I am very glad to read your little spoiler as well. I hate it when stories just add a grimdark tag after several chapters. I assume that I won't have to worry about that here then, which is excellent news.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you are planning to make this medium length or more (say, at least 8 chapters) but I certainly hope so. We have seen some long running fics end lately, so it would be good to get some fresh ones going.
I just know Nyx is going to be one of those OC ponies that will gather quite the following (Midnight, Lucky). I'm already a big fan.
I dunno about how Nyx looks in her disguise. It doesn't really compliment her, if you ask me. I think she looks better without clothes. I expect better from Rarity. And I think the hair was a bad call, I don't think pulled back is the right style at all.
ReplyDeletePlease don't tell anybody I'm making these judgements.
did anyone else see what's wrong with the first two sentences in the first chapter?
ReplyDeleteOn the prelude: Twilight? Manhandled so easily? You must be joking...
ReplyDelete(On to the first chapter)
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteNow that was a good catch sir. Hard to look at ones reflection when your eyes are shut.
It has been corrected.
The image alone would make me read it.
ReplyDeleteWhich I will later today!
Pen Stroke, you are my hero.
ReplyDeleteI loved Creeping Darkness and
while I hoped this to be a sequel with Nyx.
It looks just as good. I look forward to
reading future chapters of this.
I think the things on the left are events from the story that happen to Nyx and in NM's mane are dreams/thoughts of NM
ReplyDeleteThis is an awesome story. Of course, in the prelude I thought something much, much, much worse would happen to Twilight. I was expecting something Rosemary's Baby style.
ReplyDeleteStill, great job on the Satanic ritual.
Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom...I know I have heard those names attached to some illustrious fanfic or other...looks up the names...
ReplyDeleteWow! The author and editor of Better Living through Science and Ponies! This story looks promising, especially seeing as that other one was awesome enough to spawn a mod team bent on recreating the story. If this story has anywhere near the level of good characterization, this is destined for a 6-star rating.
Anyhow, the blurb and the pic are excellent. Can't wait to read this.
Well if I wasn't going to read it before, how can i not with an image like that?
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading the prelude and all three chapters...
ReplyDeleteCannot wait for the forth.
More the audience Demands Moar.
ReplyDeletelove how the author referenced when Twilight burst into flames
ReplyDeleteDAMMIT, WHERE'S THE BUCKING BUTTON FOR CHAPTER FOUR?!?!?![/rage shift]
ReplyDeleteIn all seriousness, though, I can't say enough good things about what you've written thus far. Nyx is an absolute doll, and you've done an excellent job at building up the ominousness/ambiguity of her appearance. The numerous nods to the canon (particularly Stephen Magnet and Twilight's evolutionary abilities) really help establish this as a story that could occur in the FiM universe.
Alright, you've earned your damned 5-stars from me, now go write moar please.
Curse you compelling image in tandem with your interesting and curiosity-piquing description! I cannot resist my left mouse button's urgings!
ReplyDeleteY'see, it's shit like this that makes me want to just quit writing altogether, because it just makes anything I put to paper look like pure shit
ReplyDeleteH-How? How did you manage to write this? My God I have no idea how I'm gonna wait until part 4.... And that image... Crying Nightmare Moon just seems so... right. And besides a couple spelling mistakes this is definitely worthy of the coveted 6-Star.
ReplyDelete@La Barata Agreed. I feel so inferior! This adds another month of rewriting onto my fanfic just so it doesnt look horrible next to something like this.
ReplyDeleteYou know... The story sounds really really awesome, but... if it involves Twilight getting hanged then I'm not sure I want to...
ReplyDeletePut me in a spot, you have.
God dangit!! Im so conflicted! I think this story sounds so incredibly stupid and the image, as good as it is, does not sell it to me at all. But I need something to read and the response is so good.
ReplyDelete@Pen Stroke
ReplyDeleteAlso, in Ch. 3, DT and SS don't quite seem to know whether they bought cookies or cupcakes with Twilight's money.
@Baree
Yeah, I nearly blew a gasket when the page for It's A Dangerous Business read "Update COMPLETE". Thankfully, I seem to have found a suitable replacement.
I'll be waiting patiently for chapter 4. ;)
ReplyDeleteWait! Wait! Nevermind. I didn't catch Pen Stroke's comment before I posted mine.
ReplyDeleteOkay. I go read now :)
I CANNOT LOVE ENOUGH, EVEN THOUGH I HAVEN'T EVEN READ IT.
ReplyDeleteMY BODY IS READY.
ALSO, MY CAPSLOCK IS STUCK.
;_; It's so... words cannot describe the beauty of this story. They just can't. Argh! I want to comment on it, but anything I say would be unworthy to stand in this comment section.
ReplyDeleteMore, please, I'm dying here! @_@
Holy crap this is awesome!! Cant wait to read more!7
ReplyDeleteI can hardly wait for chapter 4!
ReplyDeleteAww, that concept art of Nyx at the end of chapter 2 was freaking adorable. And the custom image was awesome too!
ReplyDeleteAs for the story, it was very well done. You may want to proofread it again, as the occasional misspelling or grammar error did stand out, but the narrative itself was excellent. Everyone was in-character, especially Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, who I really want to strangle thanks to this fic.
My biggest criticism is that I'm not sure I approve of the video links near the end of chapter 1. It was a little jarring, especially since there are no other links in the story, and I didn't really feel they were necessary for the exposition you were trying to achieve. You do a very good job telling the story with words; why would you think it necessary to not rely on them there? Still, you took a risk, and I can respect that, even if I didn't like the outcome.
Can't wait to see this story continued. 5 stars!
I just started reading this and it is the BEST MLP fanfic I've read! Can't wait for more!
ReplyDeletei came rainbooms at the picture
ReplyDeleteYet another wonderful story series I'm going to have to follow. -le sigh- =)
ReplyDeletePen Stroke, this story made my night. This story is excellent. Can't wait for chapter 4.
ReplyDelete*MINOR SPOILER BELOW*
====================================
@Pen Stroke
Also, doesn't using Twilight's blood technically make her Nyx's Mom?
>not sure what hogtied means
ReplyDelete>googles it
>WTF am I reading!
I saw Nightmare Moon crying and I just had to read it. Then I saw a filly NMM and she was so cute. Then I saw Twilight, my favorite pony... Preparing to be hung. I very nearly dismissed this story, but I proceeded anyway since it's already 4 installments in. After reading I came to the conclusion that this story is amazing. Then I read your spoiler comment, and it became absolutely wonderful. Five stars and you get a top place on my reading list (up there with FO:E)
ReplyDeleteI adore this image. It has the same quality as the opening to TWEWY. It spoils EVERYTHING at the very start, you just have no idea how or what it's spoiling. As said WAY above, even if I wasn't interested, the pic would make me read it.
ReplyDeleteYeah. I'm hooked.
ReplyDeleteProbably the best cover art I've ever seen in a fic...I love that picture!
ReplyDeleteI'm a little saddened that this wasn't a sequel to 'Creeping Darkness.' I would've loved to see how Nyx and Twilight were getting along after the fic...not very hard to like Nyx...
@Silent Solace Exactly my point. I'd just give up altogether at this point, but I promised people I'd finish.
ReplyDeleteOh my poor heart, this is so sweet.
ReplyDeleteI. Love. This.
ReplyDeleteYay, Nyx is back! I loved her in Creeping Darkness, and now we get a whole story about her?
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Pen Stroke!
~Ardashir
Guess I should give Creeping Darkness another try...
ReplyDelete> adds to list
I have now read this, and I love it even more. I look forward to updates to this even more than I do to FO:E.
ReplyDeleteThis is an accomplishment.
Awesome, awesome, awesome! I will devour future chapters as soon as you post them.
ReplyDeleteWhy is Trixie's hat in the picture?
ReplyDeleteSweet Celestia's tail, this is an AMAZING fanfic! And the image is so incredibly captivating that it literally forced me to read it (that image is probably the main reason why this thing has gotten so many views in such a short amount of time). And now things in the story are starting to get good.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteThe real question should be "Why ISN'T the Great and Powerful Trixie's hat NOT in every other picture?"
Excellent story with strong writing and a great concept. I eagerly await more of this tale.
ReplyDeleteNyx is so sweet. I need more of this story!!! Wow just wow!!
ReplyDeleteAlright, this fic started great. Can't wait for the next parts!
ReplyDeleteHAAAAAAAAGH!!
ReplyDeleteCHAPTER FOUR! MUST... READ... CHAPTER... FOOOOOUUUUURRRR!!!
So many stars.
ReplyDeleteAll of the stars.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteBecause Trixie is not in every other picture?
Just finished reading up to chapter 3. I just really want to give Nyx a hug right now.
ReplyDeleteAnyhow, after reading about the rage-shift, I can totally imagine SS and/or DT saying something along the lines of "Don't make her angry. You won't like her when she's angry..." I am feeling a bit conflicted about wanting a couple of little fillies, even ones who giggled knowing that they might very well have sent another child to her death, to quake with terror. Confound this author, he drives me to introspection.
Anyhow, this fic is most excellent and is beautifully written. Keep it coming!
Dangit, we need to get more people to vote this up before it gets archived and gets its star tag so it can get the 6-star that it deserves. We just need to raise it by another .1 stars...
ReplyDelete@Bugsydor
ReplyDeleteSomething that is not as easy as you would think. When the story was first put up a few people gave it some low ratings without reading, based on the picture.
I've been tracking the rating and using a formula table I have in Excel I've been calculating the rating.
The rating changed from 4.7- 4.8 at 152 ratings, so to get it up to the necessary 4.9 for a six star rating Past Sins will need to reach ~304 ratings, all of the additional ones 5-star ratings.
That or a person who previously down rated the story would need to change their rating.
As Seth once told me before, getting a 6-star story is hard.
Nyx is cute. Didn't even bother looking at the custom image properly before starting, I just dove in. Have I mentioned Nyx is cute?
ReplyDeleteI also demand more of this awesomeness!
O wow really liked this and I cant wait for more!
ReplyDeleteAlso this story would be a perfect comedy if Nyx actually acted like Nightmare Moon but didn't have all her powers...making her have to listen to Twilight's command(being weaker than her and all) especially if she doesnt want to be given to Celestia(Hell hath no greater fury than Trollestia)...meh but that would be just for the lawls...heh imagine her saying, "I am GOD, you FOALS!" if she didnt get her way...
I don't think I expressed myself well enough before. I await the next installment with as much eagerness as season 2. Maybe more, I don't know.
ReplyDeleteThat noose is done incorrect!
ReplyDeleteInstead of snapping the neck, it will cause a long drawn out strangulation!
Oh my
I've been waiting for this story for awhile now. :D I'm glad it's finally up here.
ReplyDeleteI read though Better Living last night and when this popped up I knew I would absolutely have to read it. I'm loving the character development so far (Nix is a-Celestiadamned-dorable) and I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter!
ReplyDeleteIt'd be neat if EqD could disable voting until a certain amount of time has passed on newly posted fics. This deserves much better than simple knee-jerk votes in response to the image.
I'll read it until it gets grim enough that Twilight gets hanged
ReplyDeleteArrrgh the anxiety...
@Pen Stroke
ReplyDeleteSadly, true. Oddly enough, I was considering finding the solution for how many 5stars it would take using a graph of something like y=(5x+4.8*(current total))/((current total)+x)
Actually, just worked it out by finding where that curve intersects 4.9 stars. The maximum number of votes needed (assuming all future votes are 5stars, and assuming that the current star rating is exactly 4.8 stars) is an additional 184 5stars. This would mean doubling the current number of votes and having them support you unanimously. My number is a bit higher than yours, but I guess sampled the total number of ratings at a later time. Then again, I was being kinda silly in the first place. Well, at least I know that I haven't forgotten my algebra...maybe my cutie mark should be a dx/dy?
I'm loving the theme of this. Moar!
ReplyDeletethis is AWESOME love it but a question since Twilight's blood was used in the ritual that gave birth to Nyx does that make Twilight her mother in a way just wondering and you have to admit it would make a interesting twist anyway great work Nxy is truly a great OC here's hoping that there will be plenty of other stories in the future
ReplyDeleteI absolutely loved this right from the start. I thought the description sounded amazing, and even though I hadn't planned on reading tonight, I knew I had to give this a go. Nyx is wonderful character, and her development has been done quite well. I will be looking forward to the continuing chapters eagerly.
ReplyDeleteHowever, there are a few area's where you could improve. Your punctuation isn't perfect. There are quite a few missing commas after introductory statements and some missing in compound sentences. Also, some words occasionally seem to have been switched around and in the wrong order. My guess is that you were revising that sentence and probably didn't realize a word was left in there.
At one point Twilight's heart was referred to as an orange. I was pretty confused until I realized it must mean organ. My guess is spell check messed up there.
Now the absolute, most glaring problem with this story is that people had the audacity to rate it low without reading it. If it wasn't for them, you'd be 6-star right now, and that is a travesty because you absolutely deserve that.
Please write more. And soon. Or I'll plant turret droids around your house.
ReplyDeleteThis is such an amazing story! I agree with Furbyz though, this should be a six-star story by now. ~_~ whoever gave you less clearly has no taste.
ReplyDeleteI. Friggin. Love. This. Twilight Sparkle: Single Mom. Single mom to the filly of the apocalypse, no less. I really think that Twilight needs to wrap her head around that Nix really is Nightmare Moon reborn, but that doesn't make her necessarily evil.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Nix is adorable. She is basically, "I'm taking her home with me!" ponyfied. This probably explains why Twilight took her home even though she suspects she might be pony version of the anti-christ.
Argh! I hope Twilight wont get hanged.
ReplyDeleteThis story is shaping up to be AMAZING. No scratch that, it already is quite amazing.
ReplyDeleteThe picture is only getting me more interested (and impatient) about the next chapters. Has anyone else noticed Trixie's hat in the frame with the mane 6 being defeated? Oooo I can't wait!! :D
Keep up the awesome, Pen Stroke, because I will be eagerly awaiting your next chapters to come out. What release schedule are you planning?
Hm... Things are definitely starting to get interesting as of chapter 3.
ReplyDeleteAlright Pen, you've sold me. I'll put this on my Watch List, and the writing was solid and engaging enough for me to overcome my usual skepticism. Five stars, right off the bat.
Oh, this is really good!
ReplyDeleteShould I not point out that the past tense of hang (as in the death sentence of course) is hanged?
ReplyDeletePeople are hanged by the neck, pictures are hung on the wall.
And I thought this was finished too by the size of the upload. My mistake.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I hate more than anything is waiting for fics to be updated. I quickly loose my memory of the plot and character builds, so this is a little disappointing for me, especially for a story that I'm really enjoying.
All I can do is hope you update it soon so I don't forget everything going on here. And I also hope this doesn't turn out to be some obnoxiously gigantic story with 10 chapters or something like that.
Fallout: Equestria is obscenely overrated and I refuse to read it due to many reasons but mainly because it's way too big.
Very well done so far, Pen Stroke. I hope you consider this message.
6 star!!!!!
ReplyDeleteWe need chapter fourrr~ Dx Haha. Amazing work so far Pen Stroke! <3
ReplyDeleteSince Nyx was created using Twilight's blood isn't she in a way her daughter?
ReplyDeleteWeeeelp, looks like I have another story to check every day, right along with Fallout: Equestria.
ReplyDelete<3
darn it. i had a similar idea.
ReplyDeletedarn it.
Man, I've spent longer staring at that preview image then reading the fic itself. Just the thought of Twilight being hung is just... I don't know... My guess is that they will blame her for reviving Nightmare Moon. Why does Twilight always have to be the one to suffer? This fic is slowly making her my favorate of the mane 6 and I can't stand to see her die like that.
ReplyDeleteSo many mixed emotions about that image.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading this secretly again at work, I have discovered an increasing urge to hug what I assume is Nix in the image.
ReplyDeleteGuys? Guys? Guys? I'm PRETTY SURE that the shit on the right hand of that image is what NMM WOULD have done had she won, not shit that goes down in the story.
ReplyDeleteI'm fairly certain. 9_9
It's so damned nice to have a refreshing story once in a while. Thank you dear author. Thank you. 5/5
ReplyDeleteMan, that is a pretty wicked image!
ReplyDeleteAlso, Nyx and Applebloom putting on puppy faces? I think I would DIE of the cuteness level!!!!
And did you get Nyx from Persona 3?
ok ,read the prologue and chapter 1, and also was put off by the hanging pic,but figured its a imagination since NMM is crying while looking at memories of her and twilight
ReplyDeleteawesome story, 5/5 and let the haters hate,if i rate a story for its description/picture then its only to give a 5 , its not cool to rate something low just cuz of a picture or description.
Hanging Twilight picture drew me in. "Twilight? Being hung? surely nothing bad could come with a story with this in it" I was right. With an image like that i was expecting grimdark. It could easily have BEEn grimdark, but i like this story better this way. WHile i enjoy grimdark stories,I enjoy not grimdark stories just as much. This is a good fic. My hat off to you
ReplyDeleteFive star performance! A couple of parts where grammar or language stumbled, but these are quickly lost to the imercive nature of this wonderful story. Bravo, I REALLY look forward to reading more of this in the future ^^,
ReplyDeleteIs it just me, or does undisguised Nyx look like Toothless from How to Train Your Dragon?
ReplyDeleteHow I see it:
ReplyDeleteNyx is indeed NNM and is just regreting her actions. When she escaped the moon she was driven by rage so hurting other ponies came naturaly, now that everything is calm and clear she can see how wrong she was.
No one is born evil and NNM deserves a chance to be good and make up for her mistakes!
tl;dr? NNM just got 20% cooler, deal with it Luna! definately a 6stars fic!
@Dawn
ReplyDeleteSo close and yet so very far...
But I know you'll like the rest of the story.
That is all I will say.
*Sigh* I'm so torn between reading this or not.
ReplyDeleteOn the one hand the description and the left half of the image are rather cute and happy and I love a good (happy) redemption story....
On the other hand the right side of the image seems to allude to a dark and sad turn latter in the story and I REALLY can't handle a sad fic right now....
Lets see, this isn't the hole fic right? Well maybe I'll wait for the story to finish and see if it gets the sad tag added to it......but the story does sound really good......
Another masterstroke by Pen.
ReplyDeleteSo far the prologue and the three chapters are very promising and looking back at the work this is based on I can safely assume that you will continue to deliver quality in quantity.
So far I am surprised that Luna has not appeared yet. It is easy to understand that Celestia would put a stop to the ceremony, but if she felt Nightmare Moon, then it must have been far stronger for the original host and considering it was nighttime wouldn´t there be a large chance of her springing into action?
Then there is of course the question of 'who is the mother'. Basically Nyx has two right now, the blood and bond mother that is Twilight which led to her current incarnation and the spirituell mother who gave birth to her first iteration, namely Luna. I do hope for a lot of interaction in that department :)
Minor Nitpick: I am not fluent in the english language but in Chapter 3 you wrote:
“I’ve found them, this way!” With that the pegasus banked, flying off to another party of Ponyville.
In the part with Dash helping with the search. Did you want to say ", flying off to another part of Ponyville."?
To me saying party instead of part doesn´t exactly make sense.
I think that Nightmare Moon is a force of evil, a spiritual parasite that bonded with Luna and exaggerated her negative qualities. The cultist ponies attempt to summon her without a host has backfired severely and Nightmare Moon has been made manifest without a host, but in a small vulnerable form where she can learn how to love, rather then just be a force of destruction.
ReplyDeleteAs for who is the mommy, I'd say this version of Nightmare Moon is almost entirely Twilight's kid.
Very promising, I'll be keeping an eye on future updates from this. :)
ReplyDeleteThis will be -- almost unquestionably -- one of the classic fanfics of MLP:FiM. Brilliant job so far; it has been one of only three or four stories on this site that have really caught my attention.
ReplyDelete@Sunset Rose
ReplyDeleteOh wow, I didn't realize how upset I sounded.
I don't want to emote that sort of thing. I feel nothing but love for this story, I just wish I could read the entire thing at once. (Another complement)
Now ah'm not even a fanfic reader but damn if the description and picture didn't prompt me to print it out for later x3
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteTell me about it. I'm all for a story being dark and all, but there is such a thing as going too far. I would NOT want to read about poor Twilight getting hanged.
I love this story. The image grabbed me, but its very well written, you get the mane cast perfect, I love the whole premise of this story and Nyx is just a ball of cuteness.
ReplyDeletePlease, let this have a happy ending. I'd love to see a Nyx go on, free of Nightmare Moon with Twilight as her mother.
Also, I would have loved to have seen the moment Nyx and Fluttershy met. I think my PC would have blown up from cuteness.
But please, don't leave me hanging too long man. I got to know more. Keep up the awesome work mate!
I saw the cover art for this in Deviantart, and I just HAD to read it.
ReplyDeleteMan, am I EVER glad that I did!
*slight spoilers down below*
in the very beginning with her and Twilight, I felt tears coming on, it was so beautiful. I could literally feel the conflict in the air.
And wouldn't Twlight's blood make Nyx her daughter...?
And then the way Nyx and Rarity interacted just made me smile so much that now my cheeks hurt.
I'm now going to stalk this story as much as I have/am with Fallout: Equestria, it's so good.
I'm now going to have to read the other fanfics you've written
Five stars. (this needs six)
I love this so much i can not wait for the next part
ReplyDelete@Pen Stroke
ReplyDeleteLooks like you've made it into six-star territory after all. Grats!
On a more random note: I love how this version of Equestria is so un-grimdark that even an unholy ritual performed by a chaotic evil cult couldn't produce anything more evil than a ball of weapons grade d'aww.
And time to jump on another bandwagon: Twilight Sparkle the way you write her makes her an unexpectedly good mother figure. Kinda wondering if you plan to explore the possible blood-link between her and Nyx as Nyx was partly made from Twilight's blood. Then again, I guess we will find out if that was important as the story progresses, though.
I keep throwing money at my monitor but nothings happening. I need more cute filly nightmare moon!
ReplyDeleteLove story! Keep going please!
I first saw the picture and was interested in what the story was behind this wonderful work of art. Now it has taken me a while to get a chance to read this story but I am indeed going to read it. The summary adds even more so to the picture, are the depictions of NMM dreams the Nix has or are they future events that happens? I am going to read this and then contuine to give my opinion on this story, I'm looking forward to a good story about an over looked character so far in the MLP season 1.
ReplyDelete-----Dusty-san
After looking at that image I'm now debating whether or not to call work and tell them I'm going to be late.
ReplyDeleteI am pretty certain the picture depicts the dark thoughts and memories that flooded Nyx when she entered the room of the castle. "What she would do to Twilight Sparkle" being just one example.
ReplyDeleteFirst there was Fallout Equestria, then I started reading Luna vs. Soon I came across Mort takes a holiday and now there is Past Sins.
ReplyDeleteSo much awesomeness so little time!
"Please, let this have a happy ending. I'd love to see a Nyx go on, free of Nightmare Moon with Twilight as her mother."
ReplyDelete"Also, I would have loved to have seen the moment Nyx and Fluttershy met. I think my PC would have blown up from cuteness."
MAKE IT HAPPEN :3
just ended reading and I can't imagine for this bad ending... I know that right part of Cover symbolize possible bad ending but please noooo :( make them live happy together like sisters or mother and daughter
This is one of the best stories I have yet to see! The second I read the description I was hooked. This story is just freakin awesome, up there with Fallout Equestria, Moonbeam, Mort takes a holiday, etc... please, for the love of Nyx, please keep updating!!!
ReplyDeleteI NEED more of this.
ReplyDeleteYou MUST finish this story! Every time I truly get into a fan fiction, the author discontinues it. It's why I don't really read fanfics anymore. But this one caught my eye, this one has got me hooked, and now you must finish it! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mk6RFzPBH7A
ReplyDeleteUm, I mean, whenever you find time, no rush or anything. Take your time.
DAT PICTURE, how much did that beauty cost?! or did you do it your self?
ReplyDeletePLEASE TELL ME YOUR CONTINUING THIS, there is NO nightmare-filly stories, AND THIS ONE IS BEST BY DEFAULT.
you put "monsters are made not born" to a whole new level.
ReplyDeletekeep going i find this interesting.
OMFG YES this is awesome you sir, are awesome *ps dont f it up or we will be sad bronies*
ReplyDeleteBloody Brilliant! This story has taken off like a rocket and for good reason.
ReplyDeleteThis is... amazing!
ReplyDelete@Batty Gloom
ReplyDeletePassed by, didn't touch eh? oh well...
I'm eagerly awaiting the continuetion of this magnificent fic!
(should I stop throwing money on my screen now?)
A little hint to anyone who wants to read it while you're out. Download a story, format it, e-mail it to yourself, open it on your phone when checking your e-mail. I do it all the time, except I have to adjust the font size to 26 so that it shows up correctly.
ReplyDeleteSeeing Trixie's hat in the picture makes me wonder if she will be the new bearer of the Element of Magic if something happens to Twilight.
ReplyDeleteWhile there are a few kinks to work out, this is already shaping up to be an incredible story. While I would have loved to see Twilight introduce Nyx to the mane cast and their reactions, writing it would probably break the flow of the story. In that respect, I applaud your prowess as a writer.
ReplyDeleteAdditionally, I love the ambiguity of the cover art. The shocking images of the far right clashing with the tenderness of the left, brought together by a crying Nightmare Moon in the center, not only draws the reader in, but sets the tone of the story. Also, It was really brave to put such a strong image on the right.
You, my good friend, have definitely earned five,if not six, stars.
Brilliant.
ReplyDeleteI was hoping we would see Nyx from Creeping Darkness in another story from you. I never thought I would see NMM as anything else other than an antagonist but you make it work. I just wish I could write as fast as you.
Interesting premise. Well done good sir. Well done.
ReplyDeleteFor the love of Luna, MOAR!
ReplyDeleteIn all seriousness, this is one of the best fics I've read in a while. I absolutely love the one-of-a-kind concept behind this story.
Beautiful work.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you get when you cross Nightmare Moon's power and Twilight's raw magical talent and wrap it up into a cute little shell? I must say, this story has amazing potential, and I'll be watching for updates with great anticipation.
ReplyDeleteFurther echoing the calls for MOAR... I can't wait to see how it turns out!
ReplyDeleteNyx is so cute! /)^3^(\
Holy shit. you know you've stumbled on a gold-mine when you get over 150 comments, and over 300 ratings in less than two days.
ReplyDelete>mfw I was one of the first 20 posters
>mfw I has no Face.
>mfw I'm still using mfw
@crazyredemu i completly agree with that statment
ReplyDeleteGreat story! Cant wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteI just want to point something out with the intro pic, mainly in Nightmare's Mane(Fic is fantastic, by the way): Pinkie Pie. PINKIE PIE.
ReplyDeleteSHE LOOKS LIKE A FISH.
In the pic: Do I spy the small healthpack from TF2? Was this intentional?
ReplyDeleteSo SS and DT tie for biggest jerks in Equestria with Prince Blueblood in a distant third. That's right, SS and DT tie for first and second place.
ReplyDeleteFew fics are made that keep me hooked. I patiently await your next chapter good sir/mad'am. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Thank you for introducing me to my new favorite musical instrument, the glass harp.
ReplyDeleteThe glass harp link was PERFECTLY placed!
ReplyDeleteI read the ending of chapter 1 with the glass harp playing in the background and it was... mystical.
I have fallen in love with this fanfic, it takes a bit before Nyx shows up but for those with short attention spans keep reading!
ReplyDeleteNyx is an adorable OC and just thinking of Nightmare Moon born again as a Filly Alicorn is enough to warrant curiosity as you watch her experience life in a way she never could of imagined doing in her past life.
Now will vengeance rear it's ugly head? will Celestia banish this potentially dangerous Filly to the Moon? How will Nyx and Twilight deal with these questions and more as Nyx has 'awoken' to her past Sins, and Twilight's motherly instincts conflict with her knowledge that Nyx is ever more maturing more into the Mare she refused to believe was her precious Nyx.
This is going along so well, my heart sank when I was unable to click to chapter 4 =(
I can't wait to see how this turns out.
P.S. That picture says a thousand words and I was so surprised it was made for this story! I LOVE the expression as a conflicted and seemingly torn Nightmare 'Nyx' Moon remembers her past life and the things she's done in repayment to those who showed her such kindness.
What is up with Rainbow Dash though and a Trixie hat?! was Trixie in the fight? did Rainbow get her head chopped off? I can hardly make sense of that one part of the picture!
Needless to say I LOVE this and the art great job fantastic job!
Dear sweet Mother Earth. This is amazing. I don't know if you got either of my e-mails but your writing leaves mine looking like garbage. I applaud you most sincerely.
ReplyDeleteCLAP
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I loved your work with the Alan Wake crossover, and I LOVVVVE this story. Nyx makes me hnnnnnng at levels paralleling Applebloom or Fluttershy. I can't believe I almost missed this one.
ReplyDeleteEither you update this or im going to go to your house and... Cut you.
ReplyDeleteYESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
ReplyDeleteGOD DAMNIT!!! Right as I'm about to go to bed, you just HAD to post this. So long, remaining 3 hours of available sleep time...
ReplyDeleteWill not read new chapters until tomorrow- I value my sleep too much.
ReplyDeleteLove the comic- its cute and captures the essence of the story (so far) perfectly.
3 updates at once and it's past 2 am here. Let's do this.
ReplyDeleteThree more chapters +comic!?
ReplyDeleteyay~
The Image is amazing, it's way better than a one tiny trailer pic which just shows 1 scene as opposed to multiple scenes
ReplyDeleteAnybody know if this story has a tropes page yet? If it doesn't, we should make one.
ReplyDeleteUmm yea about the last picture.
ReplyDeleteWHY WOULD YOU DO THEEEEESE!!?!?!?!?!?!!?!!
p.s DONT DO IT DONT DO IT DONT DO IT!!!
p.p.s NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!
p.p.p.s NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE
p.p.p.p.s QQ QQ QQ QQ
HOLY FUCKING SHIT
ReplyDeleteWhy is Twilight getting executed and where can i find that particular scene ಠ_ಠ?
God damn it author....I thought i was going to sleep tonight turns out NOPE you just had to go posting more chapters.
ReplyDeleteI FUCKING LOVE THIS!!! I swear when I saw the new chapters out I got very...giddy I cant wait for more LITERALY, now where is my time machine
ReplyDeleteJust read the scene with the fillies talking about the pinkie promise. I think my mouth and/or brain is broken, since I can't quite talk due to the delicious absurdity that is Pinkie Pie.
ReplyDeleteTake my stars all of them!!
ReplyDeleteWe are not worthy
/bow /grovel /bow
This story is just tugging away at my heartstrings like a pro. Good work so far on it.
ReplyDeleteI thought I just died and went to pony heaven when I saw those new chapters! READING TIME! BTW have all my stars 100/5
ReplyDeleteWOMG! My heart sank yes by not being able to click to chapter 4 but to release THREE updates AND a comic??? I LOVE YOU! OMG I WISH other authors were this passionate about the stories they put up that get updated once in a blue moon XD
ReplyDeleteWell off I go to continue this epic tale before I pass out from sleep deprivation! (I blame you but in a good way!)
Dat cliffhanger....
ReplyDeleteI just finished chapter 6.
ReplyDeleteI have to say, this marvelously touched my heart.
Everyone is in character, and the relationship
between Nyx and Twilight is so adorable.
Waiting for the next chapter will be painful!
Zis ez Batty Gloom, aszistant und editor to Pen Stroke.
ReplyDeleteLet me say zat we are very happy und humbled by ze rezponse zis story had gotten. I know Pen Stroke quiet vell, so I knew ze story would be vell-received....but I had no idea et would be ZIS vell-received!
So, I ask...ez mien gud fhriend Pen Stroke credit to Brony community yet?
(Und ignore mien new "German" accent...et ez one of mien zings naow.)
Boy Howdy did that Play have me on the Edge of my seat. I was like "oh snap is Nyx gonna go full Nightmare?" But she didn't all in al the play was cute and I would love to see some artists depict some scenes from it.
ReplyDeleteGreat updates can't wait for the next one.
4 stars yesterday, 6 stars today. Hell yah it deserves it!
ReplyDelete