• Story: Fluttershy Goes to Hell


    [Sad] [Dark]

    Author:
    Present Perfect
    Description: After a terrible accident in the Everfree Forest, Twilight and company must face life without their shiest friend. But when a mysterious message arrives from Zecora, offering them hope of seeing her again, just what consequences await their attempts to bring her back from the dead?

    Fluttershy Goes to Hell

    Additional Tags: salamander, funeral, loss, demonic possession, Season 1

    97 comments:

    1. Errr.... This looks.... interesting?

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    2. I am intrigued, it's interesting that it has a sad and dark tag, but not grimdark.

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    3. Wait, FLUTTERSHY IS TOO INNOCENT FOR HELL! D:

      Why must we torture my favorite pony? Even I allowed her to survive in My Little Nightmare (Don't read, it's terrible)

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    4. I hope i am not the only one who read the title and said "wait..what?" but now i have to read it to see what hell this is all about

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    5. Going to guess it's a Buffy goes to Hell kinda thing...

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    6. I'm afraid to read this...

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    7. What the hell? There's no way I'm reading this. It's wrong on so many levels...

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    8. No line goes uncrossed in this fandom...jesus christ.

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    9. I imagine it wouldn't be that difficult to turn this to a comedy. Fluttershy showering the demons in hell with kindness, that they would hate and despise, as well as admonishing them to be good demon ponys. Eventually I picture them getting fed up and tossing her out ala the Diamond Dogs and Rarity.

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    10. Jesus Christ, why does everyone pick on Fluttershy?

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    11. I saw this post and was suddenly reminded of the Bender goers to hell song from futurerama.

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    12. I was probably the only one who thought of Jason Goes To Hell when I saw the title... ;_;

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    13. What the hell?!
      How did Fluttershy end up in Hell?! Was there a filing accident up in heaven AGAIN?!

      In all seriousness... Sorry... doesn't look like my thing. MAYBE if it's well reviewed enough...

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    14. You know what, I just got done reading the rest of Past Sins and the Romancing Quest and was about ready to go to bed. Then I refresh the page to see if anything else was up before I went to sleep. So I see this title and now I have to read it. CONFOUND THESE PONY FAN FICS!

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    15. Kinda awesome in that what the hell did I just read sort of way.

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    16. For those worried here's what I'll say, it has a happy ending and even at its worst it isn't too sad or dark. The story itself is a little weird and the subject matter isn't quite my tastes but its reasonably well written.

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    17. Why must you kill favourite pony!?

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    18. Am I the only one who expected an Exorcist ponification for the picture? Once I saw the demonic possession tag, well...

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    19. Problem - Fluttershy wouldn't go to hell

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    20. Well, that was an interesting read. Wasn't to terribly sad or dark, but it did create that nice feeling of "oh crap whats gonna happen!?" for me.

      Not a bad read at all, also with that ending... Is this over or did you just pull a cliffhanger on us?

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    21. I haven't read this yet, but the way the story SHOULD go is, Fluttershy uses her stare and cuteness to make all the tormented souls and demons of Hell love her. Then they bring her back to the surface world and Fluttershy now has an entire demon army under her command.

      But that's just the way I like to think. No, I know for a fact this is going to be a sad story.

      ...

      I wonder if she'll see the Event Horizon down there...

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    22. @Jebediah Now there;'s an idea for a story! "My Little Pony" meets "Event Horizon"!

      "Where we're going, we won't NEED eyes to see, Miss Scaredey McScaredypants!"

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    23. Okay, for those still tentative, I went ahead and read it anyway. It's actually pretty good. A little rough around the edges here and there, but overall enjoyable. There's really nothing too offensive, and it's worth a look. If you still need convincing, then the rest of this comment will be posted under a great big [SPOILER WARNING]

      Fluttershy never actually goes to hell. Her soul is separated from her body. A funeral is held for Fluttershy and that's really the only "sad" part. Then Fluttershy's body is possessed by a demon. There's some creepy imagery here and there, but actually a lot of it almost comes across as almost funny. And ultimately it has a happy ending.

      [/Spoiler]

      Okay. GO read it now. It's pretty good...

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    24. The title is really blunt and straightforward and made not to much of a chance at me reading it

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    25. ^ Harvester up there makes a good point.

      You have a good story here, but I have to admit, the title is REALLY off putting. You MAY want to consider less provocative titles that won't scare away readers in the future.

      Besides, it's false advertising since she doesn't ACTUALLY go to hell...

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    26. Guys, she dosen't go to hell.

      She gets posessed.

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    27. Acheron, Where have I heard that before?
      *Quickly googles it*
      I see, I need to brush up on my Greek mythology now.

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    28. This was actually enjoyable, in a slightly upsetting kind of way. XD The title threw me off, but it's also what made me want to read it.

      Overall, pretty darn good. Nicely done.

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    29. "Hell, where tiny tweezers..." "GET OUT!"

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    30. I tried to read this, but by the end of the funeral I couldn't read any more. I'm sure what happens next is entertaining but the mane cast visiting Fluttershy's empty house then holding a wake was just too much.

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    31. uhh...
      err...what is this I don't even...

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    32. This was an excellent story. Don't let the title, tags, or plotline scare you off, ponies. Don't expect a terrible ending, either.

      Although I WILL agree with some of the previous commenters that the title of the story is rather off-putting, and... barely even correct, really. It has an impact, but I'm sure you could think up a much better one to fit the story.

      Aside from that, it was a nice plotline, well-written, and very emotional. I felt it pretty good, right in my chest. The ending was great as well, and the fantastic Pinkie Pie moments helped break up the sadness a little. Good show!

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    33. This really doesn't work as sad, to be honest. It sorta is closer to Comedy. Sure, there's the funeral and all, but it gets pretty lulzy at points.

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    34. With a title like that, I was expecting a whole saga with Fluttershy teaching demons the meaning of kindness and preventing their hell-raising shenanigans (pun totally intended) while Twilight makes hilarious attempts that totally backfire to bring back Fluttershy as she rests on the balance of death and life. Only for the final chapter to realize that Hell is Hell to torment those who deserve it, and then she has to unteach kindness to make demons fear-inducing again. And the three headed Angel is actually his mother and two sisters who bickered endlessly and caused each other enough strife to send them all to Hell.

      But this was nice, too. Though never before have I felt a Sad tag feel so appropriate with a Fluttershy-related story.

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    35. When I read the title I thought it was somehow my story...I went "what the hell?"
      As I thought, it's not. I never sent my fic here and it's private anyway...well, it wasn't always.

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    36. Fluttershy going to Hell ?

      Why don't I see the 'Comedy' tag ? It's obviously a farce.

      There's as much chance, for her to go to Hell, as there is that Season 2 is cancelled...

      Hell will literally -freeze- solid, the day it happens.

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    37. just read it.

      that was... fantastic. The only problem was the significant lack of a plot twist at the end that could lead to a second story. Other than that, I will now go on to enjoy my inability to sleep.

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    38. The first part reminded me of an episode of Futurama when the scene comes in and Bender is sitting on a chair on fire for no reason.

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    39. Did anyone else smile when they read the title?

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    40. >Fluttershy dies
      >Another fic I'm skipping over

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    41. Where's the comedy tag!? I mean, with a title like that, it has to be funny as hell!

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    42. "YOU TRICKED ME! I'LL KILL YOU ALL AND EAT YOUR SOULS!"

      I d'awwwed.

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    43. K so I lied about not reading but it ended happily ever after so no big deal

      Good read, little bland at times but this is a simpler story compared to what I read.

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    44. Lame, why couldn't Fluttershy stay a demon? She could be like Hellboy, except with out the stone fist.

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    45. Hi, author here! I can't reply to posts on EQD anymore without jumping through hoops, so if you'd like to engage me in any kind of conversation, drop me an email: [email protected] I'll still be reading all the comments! Thanks for all the feedback so far!

      And no, I am not writing a sequel! I have enough to do already as it is!

      @Benji: Because we love her so.

      @Dusty the Royal Janitor: I think my hope may have actually been to use a provocative title to get people interested. It seems to have had the opposite effect, however! (For the record, I'm pretty sure I wrote this story after coming up with the title, and just going from there.)

      @infohippie: Thank you.

      @LordEdward: I'm interested to know what you wrote...

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    46. ...Also. The one thing I will apologize for is the picture. There is literally NOTHING appropriate out there, and it is distinctly false advertising when paired with the title. If someone was, say, inspired to draw an awesome Demonshy off the description in the story, well... :3

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    47. Wow, this was quite a good story. The emotions felt right, the action was good, and the plot was really solid. Very enjoyable!

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    48. Fluttershy + Hell = ? Does not compute ?

      Will definitely give it a read!

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    49. Damn that was a good one....short and defiantly sweet.

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    50. @iastfan112
      You know, there should be tags for sad and happy endings, and an option not to display ending tags. So ponies who like sad endings can read these kinda stories, ponies who don't can avoid them and ponies who don't want spoilers can avoid spoilers.
      And everypony would be happy.

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    51. Normally I wouldn't read something like this, but theres only one chapter atm so i don't have much to lose.

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    52. As far as the title goes while it is not completely accurate it can be seen as so from a certain standpoint. Fluttershy meets Acheron and while In most mythology he is simply a river in hades like the river Styx as well as the son of some god, I don't remember at the moment, Acheron has throughout history been interchangeable with hades to mean hell.

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    53. Wow... The GREAT and POWERFUL Trevor thanks Present Perfect for the amazingly creepy story! O.o Oh my gosh... It was... Creepy... Seems like a SLIGHT disappointment after reading the pre-view thingy though... I mean, she never REALLY went to hell. And I was expecting it to be a multiple chapter story, but that's not your fault! XD It was VERY good! (Sad and depressing I mean, other than the ending, kinda.) I can see why you're a pre-reader for the site now! ^,~

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    54. Sorry if this was already posted, I wasn't going to read every comment. Buy I think I won the prize for spotting the "it's dangerous to go alone. Take this" Zelda reference

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    55. well it was... interesting... and not what i expected.
      i was going into this looking forwards to a pony version of daunte's inferno (the poem not the game) but... well it's not bad but it does get a little hard to follow twords the end, and it screams of a "I MUST FINISH" mentality, why can zucura open porals, and what did fluttershy accually do to the spirt i mean she's kindness, she wouldn't send it where it would get distoyed... but as i said not bad, just not worth reading agian.

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    56. Play Amnesia: The Dark Descent, Ambience theme 12 while reading this.

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    57. Zecora is so damn dues ex machina in this story. That's really my only gripe about this story. That, and that the way I imagined Demon Fluttershy will make it hard for me to sleep tonight.

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    58. Epic epicness points for getting Zecora's dialogue right! This is the first fic I've seen that actually has Zecora talking like Zecora. Double epic epicness points for making Zecora's unusual way of speaking sound natural. None of her rhymes sound forced at all!

      Combine that with the level of imagery, characterization, and plot, this definitely qualifies as a level of amazing that a word doesn't even exist for. Bravo!

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    59. @TuxRug: That's a high compliment, thank you! :D I am never writing another story with Zecora in it, because her dialogue drove me crazy! :D

      @Aether Dash: I kind of had the same reaction to her, myself.

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    60. SPOILERS AHEAD!
      Thoughts as I read:
      I can only assume that Twilight didn't blacken the colt's eye with her HOOF... then again, it depends on where in her development she was. I suppose pouring salt on slugs is a stage that cruel ponies might move past (to more refined torments) at a relatively young age?


      "Fluttershy watched all this from the twilit world."
      -Sure you don't mean "twilight"? Since it is literally a lighting condition you are referring to it really DOES work, but it seemed best to double-check.


      "Acheron, why did you bring me here? I feel so sad now... I don't want to think about my friends living without me."
      -The time-skip MIGHT justify this, but this is the first time we see his/its name. Not BAD per se, but a very non-standard way of introducing a character.


      "There is a world, neither living nor dead, where errant souls become lost, it is said.
      -This makes me happy, as it at least staves off a conflict with another story that I have included into my personal head-cannon.


      "Okay, I'm freakin' out now," Rainbow Dash said, swallowing. "Somepony tell me how Pinkie knew to do that."

      "I think it's best if we don't ask," Twilight said quickly. "Let's get Zecora back on her hooves."
      -This fits in pretty well with certain aspects of "Paradise". Dunno if you are the same author (probably not). In either case, I approve.


      As Rainbow Dash and Applejack assisted the zebra with gathering them, Twilight steeled herself and began reading off the list of ingredients necessary for what she soon realized was an exorcism ritual.
      -At first I thought that Twilight was going to be casting the spell, which would have been a bit odd since we know from "Feeling Pinkie Keen" that Unicorn magic doesn't involve components (probably can enchant things to perform a specific function though). It wasn't until I read the part where the spell actually gets cast that I realized that Twilight was just reading of the list so the others could grab what was needed.


      Not sure I like how much magic you gave Zecora. I guess the mask could have been enchanted by someone else, but it just feels like a forced plot device.



      "...why yes, Mister Boneykins, you can certainly have more tea. Oh, manners, Miss Skully! You should share the cookies with everyone else..."
      -Mental break is OK, not sure about steeling Pinkie-Pie's mode of failure...


      Everypony knows sandstone doesn't go in sweets!"
      -Actually, I find the idea of Pinkie Pie being able to eat HARD rocks when it would serve the Rule of Funny to be quite plausible... then again, sandstone may be harder than I am remembering.


      Regarding end-note:
      My e-mail isn't the best, but it isn't like what I have said here requires much of a response.

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    61. Now, as a by-product of becoming a /b/tard in my teen years, the last time I got tears in my eyes was at the funeral of a family member (And I can't really remember the last time I cried), but GOOD LORD, did this story give me tears in my eyes.

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    62. @Draco Dei

      I said I wasn't able to reply to stuff on the blog easily, yet HERE I AM replying to everything! I guess the hassle is worth it when it's on my own story.

      "Twilit" would be the past tense of "twilight", as in, "lit by twilight light", which is a terrible phrase and probably the reason I went with a word that's most likely not a word.

      I am not the author of Paradise (that would, it seems, be Slywit). I may have to read that now.

      I suppose I could have gone a little more into the concept of zebra magic. I like the idea of Zecora being an actual witch doctor, but I think canon, at least fanon, prefer her as just an herbalist.

      Thanks for the massive response!

      @Kammerjunk: Glad to have been of service.

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    63. First reaction upon seeing title: WHAT!?!?
      Then, curiosity set in and I read the fic.
      It was definitely not what I was expecting. For that I am grateful. The fic was actually pretty good, all things considered. [Sad] and [Dark] still aren't my favorite tags, but I'd say the author pulled them off well.

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    64. Story: Fluttershy Goes to Hell : (Or, the story that should NOT have 'HELL' in the title, because it has NOOOthing to do with 'Hell'.)


      ... Soooo ? Fluttershy apparently died because of a waterfall fall... I don't see yet what could possibly justify her going to 'Hell' ? ...

      >We are all of us poorer for her passing. Life without her will never be the same."
      -That, and the *Elements of Harmony* thing is kinda down now.

      >"And now that thy spirit be filled with memories and regrets, sorrows and wishes, the most delicious bouquet which truly doth exist, 'tis mine duty to feed."
      -Huhhhhhhh... huhhh, what ? So... Fluttershy apparently go to 'Hell' because her spirit was... eaten?... by, Death?, it's Death right ? No ?
      Why ? Die, ''Death'' comes, random-eat thingy, You're sent to 'Hell' ?
      ...is it a demon, and not the real Death ? What is this thing ? It was a trap ? ...I'm confused a bit...
      I *DO* seriously hope that ''something'' will make sense, about this specifically, pretty soon.

      >I contacted her spirit; I do not know why.
      -Me neither, at the moment. The spirit in 'Hell' part I mean... and the ''death-eater'' part...

      >"There is a world, neither living nor dead, where errant souls become lost, it is said.
      -I'm not an expert, but wouldn't that be more like the 'purgatory' (or some middle-ground equivalent of it), and not 'HELL' ?

      >"We're contacting you in the spirit realm, or... something like it."
      -Sooo... definitely not 'Hell-*HELL*' then ? The title is kinda(quite) misleading.
      (The ''shadow world/realm'' doesn't equal 'Hell', by any mean.)

      She had a feeling that if not for her friend's speed, she'd be the one frozen inside that waterfall now.
      -So... I ''guess'' it's the spirit-eater(s) monster-thingy that maintain, for some reasons, the pony : upside-down, frozen, and near the cave's celling ?
      Those 'creatures' have fancy habits.

      >"Preserve us all! I'd never have thought we'd see Fluttershy fall!"
      -Fall ? Fall to what exactly ? Being transfered from Pinky Pie to her own body ?
      I fail to see the mechanic of this here. The 'transfer' was hijacked ?

      >"You mean one of the dark beasts of the Shadow Realm followed her back
      -It took like 3seconds to go from Pinky to herself... Those spirit-eater thingies are fast ? They must have an optic fiber link or something.

      >"Before nightfall must she be set free, or else be a demon eternally!"
      -Convenient ?

      >"YOU TRICKED ME! I'LL KILL YOU ALL AND EAT YOUR SOULS!"
      -Well... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Na0ZX-YaLII


      ... Well, ok... Once past the initial surge of confusion, mostly attributed to the misleading 'title' and the initially-confusing spirit eating shadow monster thingy, this story was more interesting than I thought it would (again, I must point the 'title' for MOST of it).
      It was well made/written too, though the first appearence of the spirit-monster could use a bit more details, so to ease the initial confusion about Fluttershy's fate (again... misleading title, etc, blabla...).
      The 'Dark' tag was well used, it didn't fall into bad/boring grimdark, so bonus point. And, the ending is actually positive, yet the 'dark' atmosphere, from the rest of the story, still linger so I call it success ...

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    65. Ok, I'm not going to hate on this story as hating really isn't all that Brony-like, I will say however that this really wasn't my kinda story and I thought it was kinda melodramatic. 3 stars for effort though.

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    66. I felt that a couple parts of this seemed forced, albeit not much. Though, this was really well done. I was moved throughout the whole story. 4 stars!

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    67. Well... the header picture was just changed; I think it's better like that.

      Title is still very misleading though.

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    68. If you like the new image and want to give some love to the awesome artist who drew it, here's the DA link: http://aaronproductions.deviantart.com/art/quot-Fluttershy-Goes-to-Hell-quot-256254771

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    69. @Nova25

      >I believe he meant "hell" in a more metaphorical sense for what fluttershy had to go through.

      >Seems that in their world, souls are stuck in an in-between realm of darkness where they must wait until either nightfall or when a servant of the dark realm devours their souls and sends them to wherever their next destination is.

      >Acheron clearly revealed himself as a servant whose duty is to guide the souls then feast upon them.

      >It seems that fluttershy having died in the everfree forest, and fluttershy being able to "see" into the real world (to an extent) caused some uninvited contact with zecora.

      >fluttershy's body was likely frozen in the waterfall because her soul was seperated from her body (but she wasn't quite dead yet), and then her soul was brought into the world. It makes sense to me.

      >the shadow beast was lurking where fluttershy's body was, which also appeared to be a gateway to the spirit world.

      good day sir

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    70. @Aaron Wright
      Well, maybe one last note here, then...

      Regardless if the title was really meant, by the author, to be interpreted in the ''metaphorical'' sense of the word...
      The ''Goes to Hell'' is quite an ambiguous title to choose, I would say.

      That is all.

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    71. @Nova25: Ambiguous as all get out! Aaron has it right though.

      I must apologize for the confusion; a feedback comment I got while writing this comes back to haunt me now, namely that I needed to expand the mythology I'd created here. I didn't heed it and now regret it somewhat.

      The Realm of Shadows is not Hell in the sense that we know it; the title, as well as Zecora's reference to it as 'hell' are both meant only as it being a hellish place. It's not an afterlife; it's not the spirit realm, but it is a spirit realm, which is why Zecora has knowledge of it. It also just so happens that there's a portal to it at the bottom of that waterfall; falling through it strips the corporeal from the spiritual, which is why they found Fluttershy's body in the falls (and also means that at no point in this is Fluttershy 'dead').

      A lot of this could have been explained in the story, thus saving me from having to write posts like this. The title was just a neat/provocative turn of phrase around which I framed the entire story, and that's all it comes down to. Well, that and an ultimately sloppy execution on my part; for that, I deserve all criticism.

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    72. @Present Perfect
      Maybe you could ask Sephisto to add a new ''addition tag'', like... 'spirit realm' ?

      It wouldn't give away the plot, and it would hint the reader, from the start, that something more ''spirit-like'' than ''hell-like'' will be involved.

      A suggestion.

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    73. Interesting...
      not bad, but interesting. It needs a bit of work with the pacing, but still a good read.

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    74. This was overall a good story. Not the best I've ever read, but those are some pretty high standards. It's got a good plot, characters stayed i/c for the most part. Only thing that needed improvement was pacing. As I said, not amazing, but not bad by any stretch of the imagination.

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    75. This was a good read. I wonder why it's rated so low. Hope idiots aren't 1 starring it solely on the title...

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    76. @DPV111: A lot of that happened, yes. But I also think that grimdark is just not very highly appreciated, at least in the context of doing nasty things to Fluttershy. I don't blame them. And I'm happy to see this back up 3.9, so don't feel bad. :)

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    77. This isn't Grimdark. This is less dark than Ocarina of Time. I am extremely outspoken against the current tag rating system. No one who reads this story would 1 star it. Unpleasant things may happen but none of it is cruel.

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    78. This is a very good story. I thought the story would be allot sadder than it was, and I thought Fluttershy would stay in "hell" forever. The story was rather exiting not knowing if Fluttershy would stay in it or not. Theses sad stories always make me feel better. 5 stars!

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    79. @3p1c_d3m0n:
      Thanks for reading and commenting! :D I've actually been thinking about having the tags changed to just Grimlight.

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    80. Aww. I thought this would be like a pony damte's Inferno

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    81. Many Manly and Not-so-Manly tears were shed while reading this...

      Curse my weak heart!!

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    82. Y'know, after the grievous trauma Rarity's Generous Plan caused me (I couldn't bring myself to even look at anything pony-related for nearly two weeks, and I seriously considered not being a brony anymore)I don't think I could read something in which the most adorable creature ever concieved by the human imagination actually dies, and (as if to add to the scarring) goes to hell of all places. My heart is just not up to the task. Maybe one day I'll be strong enough, but that day is most likely a long way off.

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    83. A big spoiler for everyone horrified at the thought of Fluttershy in hell:

      She comes back and everything ends well.

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    84. this is rocket to insanity!!! (hope you knew that word)...i mean...what did she do wrong from the very world though,i mean...just because every animal doesn't want to love her meaning for her to anger at them is wrong though...poor fluttershy...my "imagination" griffindore would be shocking though (imagination okay)

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    85. Ok. She doesn't go to Hell. She goes to purgatory and gets revived by her friends when they reunite her with her body. SPOILER: there's a problem with the transaction and a demon also enters her body morphing her into the creature in the art above.

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    86. Ok. She doesn't go to Hell. She goes to purgatory and gets revived by her friends when they reunite her with her body. SPOILER: there's a problem with the transaction and a demon also enters her body morphing her into the creature in the art above.

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    87. I'm not gonna lie, the title was the only reason I really started reading this. Don't get me wrong, I love Fluttershy, but I also love dark fanfiction. Overall, it wasn't as dark as I thought it would be, but it was probably twice as good as I expected. I really enjoy the out of the box idea. No one expects an incredibly nice person (or pony for that matter) to turn into such a monster, but I do like the juxtaposing images of the two characters (Fluttershy and Flutterdemon). Probably my favourite part was the ending. It somewhat leaves the story open for a sequel (even though I doubt one will be made, which is saddening to me) but at the same time it gives a nice conclusion that doesn't need a sequel to be justified. I definitely can't wait to read your other works, hopefully they will be just as good!

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